I Apologize for This

The past few years cookie day has felt rushed, and non-traditional. A result of Erin’s brain bleed, surgery, and seizures. A result of Roy’s mixing politics and family and making things awkward and unpleasant. And Melissa’s birthday party always being the same day as cookie day, so me feeling torn and split but making every effort to fully participate in both.

But this year should have been different. Erin’s not had a seizure in a year now or so. We’ve learned to work around Roy and his drama. And Mel is in Hawaii. So no conflicts!

I show up at 9, the start time, despite the fact that I was up late the night before baking my gingerbread and didn’t get enough sleep. A headache creeps in later in the day.

Rita, Gayle, and my mom were there and baking. So far so good.

Angie scheduled a photo shoot, which I get, sometimes you’ve gotta do what you gotta do. She and Al came around noon or one. Al made the cookies while Angie edited photos and didn’t participate in cookie day.

Erin said the day before that she might make peppermint bark. She and Tom show up around noon, but have work to do, so they didn’t bother getting ingredients for peppermint bark. Tom works, Erin puts Hershey’s kisses on Rita’s peanut butter blossoms. But hangs out with Angie and Tom the rest of the time. So at least she “patricipated” if you can really call it that.

Alaina is MIA. She had her company party the night before and is apparently too hung over to do much of anything. She hadn’t come home the night before and no one is really sure where she’s at. She and Andy show up around 2 or 3 and sit on the couch. Andy naps, Alaina chats with her sisters and Tom.

I’m not sure if this is just a phase or if they legit don’t give a shit about traditions and if cookie day as we’ve known it will die with our mothers. If I should just learn to get used to disappointment and accept it as it comes. Or if I should speak up and call them out.

To top it off, Erin spent Thanksgiving with Tom and his family in Hailey. And is also spending Christmas with them, but in LA. Alaina is spending Christmas Eve with Andy’s family. And it sounds like our usual Christmas morning with the Heuring’s might be postponed until they are able to spend it with Erin.

Despite me feeling like they are the closest thing to sisters that I will ever have, it is painfully obvious that they don’t think of me that way.

Fundikins and Butidid

Marissa: Ready to go night night?

The other night I said “Good night best boyfriend.” And he responded with “Good night best girlfriend, best friend, really.”

I pointed out that I didn’t think he believed in best friends. And he smiled and shrugged it off.

Dream Interpretation #2: Saving the Fishies One At A Time

The dreams described in this post are nearly identical to the ones I have on a regular basis. 

Forgotten fish tanks that are filthy and have low water levels. I can’t imagine how the fish have survived. I immediately tend to them. Clean the tanks, fill the water, feed them.

Broken fish tanks with water rushing out. Fish flopping all over the floor. I’m grabbing glasses, bowls, Tupperware, anything I can to fill with water and put the fish in.

Aggressive fish and docile fish have somehow been mixed. The aggressive fish are attacking the docile ones and killing some of them. I work as quick as I can to separate the fish to save the peaceful ones. But each day they are mixed up again.

And lastly I only recall having the fish/eel/snake dream once. In my dream it was one of the fish in a forgotten tank. I attempt to clean the tank and add water, but anytime I get close enough, the fish lashes out at me with it’s tail and attempts to strike me. 

I don’t know how I feel about the dream interpretation.