Gothic Horror And Lesbianism

The clock read 8:37a.m.

Across the flight announcements screen the temperature was announced at 13°C but you were sweating, the nerves starting to physically show as your hand shook ever so slightly as you held a cup of what had to be your 9th round of camomile tea that you insessantly drank as you attempted to lower your heart rate.

You hated airports. Specially after 9/11. What was once a comfortable experience suddenly felt like a wrong move could land you in jail.

You specially hated planes, you never liked the machines but since Edward and Diana’s “accident” you swore off ever getting in one.

Unfortunately for you, a lot of things you seemed to have sworn off a long time ago seem to become more and more inevitable by the day.

You had travelled plenty over your lifetime,but you had always been fonder of boats and trains. You liked the journey, the days spent on a comfy seat with a stack of nice books and plenty of time to think and reset before reaching your destination.

The first time you took a plane had been with Zelda and Ambrose a long time ago. 

You also didn’t appreciate being separated from your familiar for long, but Orpheus was taking us own route there. 

It had been barely past ten a.m when your flight departed Hearthrow Airport heading to Boston Logan’s. 

It was now half past two p.m and you swore your ass was officially absorbed by your lower back as you squirmed in your seat trying to get your blood to circulate after falling asleep in a terrible position for three hours straight.

You needed to get up. 

As you saw the bathroom light was green you carefully unglued yourself from your seat and stretched, finally feeling the blood coming back to your legs. Entering the cubicle you turned on the tap and washed your hands and face in an attempt to bring your mind back into your physical body.

You caught your reflection in the mirror and realized just how long it had been since you last looked at yourself from this up close.

You are a witch so it’s not like time aged you physically, at least, not in the way it would a normal human. You didn’t wrinkle or looked miserable to the unknowing eye. But the details would be obvious to someone who knew what they were looking at.

The bags under your eyes were gray-ish with barely visible blue veiny lines — rather than the regular dark and deep ones that will form in mortals. Your lips were slightly swollen and reddish from the assault your anxiety induced self chewing inflicted on them. 

However, what truly gave away the heartbreak and toll the last thirteen years took on you, was what once was small patch of white hair in the front of your right side hairline, now, took over the entirety of the right half of your head. 

You’d noticed it growing bigger a few months after your depart. At first it had been nothing but small hardly visible pieces of white, you thought it maybe was due to the change in season as it had been a temporary factor before, but when it didn’t go away and started spreading more after arriving to your old Oxford home, you knew it was a grief induced change that wasn’t going to go away.  It had at least stopped growing once you settled in your new life, when you resided to the fact that it was over.

A knock came from the other side of the door and snapped you back to reality. 

Smoothing your suit and fixing yourself quickly, you opened the door and headed back to your seat dreading the four long hours ahead of you. 

Pulling out your notepad you started running your eyes through your notes.

You review the dream sequence you wrote down in an attempt to keep your memory fresh while simultaneously trying to make sense of what you saw and what it meant.

—

Diana  no, Sabrina (she’s grown too grown) — Hilda (Orph)— the children — Ambrose (lucid/ present as himself — how?/why?)—Zee Zelda (I don’t understand)

Habanera?? “Prends garde à toi” “Si tu ne m’aimes pas je t’aime” “Si je t’aime prends garde à toi”  not distorted like the rest — why???

Z hates Carmen — “foolish men/ no honour”

Sabrina is not Sabrina (sleep demon?) 

Hilda would never, psychological torment purely?

How did Ambrose end up there at that very moment? 

Sabrina’s dark baptism: what changes? Why is this different? Why is it causing disturbances?

Zee

Zelda: Betrayal, lied?, confused?, furious?, hurt

I never, would never.  What happened?  13 years  

who was she talking to? why was she scared? 

I miss you

—

The more you looked at the pages the more questions seemed to pop in your mind. 

You couldn’t shake the bad feeling that had been brewing in your stomach for the last 48 hours and because enough is never enough you couldn’t stop thinking about her.

— March 2003—

“Zee?” — you jolted from the parlour’s piano bench when the front door had been slammed shut with  too much force to be accidental.

When you didn’t get any signs of your wife’s presence other than the telltale click of her heels fast disappearing upstairs you got up and followed her on her steps.

“Zelds? Bae? Are you alright?” Worry grew rapidly in your chest when you were met with silence yet again.

When you entered your shared room Zelda had been sitting on the corner of the bed, her face as red and her eyes were bloodshot. Seeing her crying had always had a visceral effect in you, it was like a knife cutting slowly and agonizingly through your soul.

“Sweetheart what’s wrong? You are scaring me.” You said softly as you knelt before her, softly placing one hand on top of her knee, the other pulling the stray strands of her usually immaculate hair from her soft pale face. 

Unfortunately at this time it hadn’t been unusual to see your wife upset, it had been barely over a year since Ed’s accident, and while most days she was good at keeping it together having yet another child to raise and all this grief to get through while teaching at the academy and attending church business was getting to become too much. 

Thankfully she had trusted you with watching over Sabrina and attending mortuary business specially the parts that required leaving the home since Ambrose couldn’t leave the vicinities. You gave classes five times a week. Two at Baxter, three at the academy. They took but a couple hours each so your schedule was mostly occupied by family business.

It still hadn’t been enough. You barely saw each other those days, you hadn’t cared. You knew things needed to be done and that you had all the time in the world. You had been thankful for the handful of hours you got to lay next to her, for the small moments at breakfast where you got to watch her read. For the cut-short and the lingering kisses you stole between moments. For all the quiet instances you got to love her in the middle of the loud chaos life had become.

“I— I don’t— no.” The words had been let out between strained sobs. By that point tears had begun pooling in your eyes as well. You hated seeing her like this. “Okay Zee” You whispered as you dried her falling tears gently, she had stared at you as one does a pet that needs to be put down, the sadness and dread were there you just didn’t know why. 

You had let your hands softly slide down her shins all the way to her ankles and took off her heels. She didn’t fight you, she didn’t say a word. She just stared at you like you were a ghost. 

You got up and held out your hand to her, she took it, conflict still brewing behind the green eyes you knew so well. 

“Darling, you don’t need to talk to me but you should lay down and try to rest a little.” You whispered softly into her hair as you hugged her stiff form. 

You knew it was better not to push but it was hard. 

“I need to be alone.” Zelda’s voice had been hoarse from all the crying. She knew you wouldn’t protest her will. You rarely did in these cases, if there’s was something you were good at was meeting her regardless of where she was. 

.

“For a bird woman you are much like a dog.” She had whispered to you randomly one night when you were lounging in bed enjoying each others company. 

“How so?” You had looked up from your book slightly tilting your head in confusion at the suddenness of the statement.

“You’re extremely loyal.” Zelda stated simply.

“Loyalty is not a trait exclusive to dogs. Barn owls are loyal to their partners. Crows are extremely loyal towards their mates and homicides.” 

“Homicides?” Zelda barked a laugh.

“Well if a big group is a murder… a smaller one can be an homicide, right? I mean murder sounds bigger than homicide even if it’s structurally smaller.” You were truly convinced in your statement. 

“I love you and all of your uncanny train of thought” she whispered against your lips before kissing you senseless.

.

“Okay.” You whispered placing a soft kiss on her forehead. “If you need me I’ll be here”. 

You had left the room with a sense of doom looming over you. Something wasn’t adding up, this wasn’t just a bad day, she had been upset beyond your comprehension.

When you had reached the bottom of the stares still wearing a frown of concern, Ambrose came out of the kitchen, muffin in hand eating like he hasn’t been fed in a week. 

“What’s all the fuss about?” He asked non-commitedly more interested in the task at hand. 

“I’m not sure.” You answered honestly.

“Is auntie Z okay?” Noticing your worried tone he had immediately refocused his attention to your obvious turmoil.

“I’m not sure. She doesn’t seem to want to talk.” You sounded defeated in your words as you passed him and stole a piece of his muffin. 

He stood there for a second, processing the missing piece of his snack following you back into the kitchen.

“Who doesn’t want to talk?” Hilda inquired, hands deep into the sink where you assume the tray where Ambrose’s muffin came from was being washed.

“Auntie Zee.” Ambrose said as he grabbed another muffin from the tray.

“She works herself too hard. Even worse since they elected Blackwood as High Priest.” Hilda offered, disdain dripping at the mention of the man’s name.

“I can’t comprehend why would they choose —that— to represent the church. I may be biased but I know my wife and I also know that the man needs centuries of grinding before he could ever reach Zee’s knowledge on the matter.” You stated as you sat next to Sabrina who was quietly colouring on her tiny table next to the actual kitchen table, a hand softly petting her blonde locks.

“Y/n you know no witch could ever rule the church, its against unholy law.” Hilda gently reminded you, but by the look in her eyes she definitely agreed with you.

“I know, I know… I am purely referring to logistical matters. Blackwood is a tad sociopathic, plus he has had a fixation on your sister since...” You took a spot second before completing your thought “— forever.” A slight disgusted laced frown was now evident in your features.

Hilda and Ambrose both gave you a knowing look, quickly adverting their gazes away when suspicion and inquisition replaced your previous look. 

“What…?” You squinted your eyes at the pair of them, hand still lightly playing with Sab’s hair as she coloured her drawing with al the focus in the world.

“Auntie… do you think— maybe… and hear me out— maybe, you might be hum… slightly jealous?” The last part came out as an almost squeak. 

“Jealous?” You savoured the word, slowly repeating it as if it were a foreign concept. Because truly, it was. “What do you mean jealous? Jealous of what?” You were incredulous at the insinuation.

“I mean everyone hates Father Blackwood and we all know he is obsessed with auntie Zee and that he hates you… maybe jealousy was not the right terminology but, uncomfortable perhaps?” 

“I—“ you haven’t thought about it like that, you frowned trying to piece together your own feelings trying to reach an accurate diagnosis.

“Xealus” Sabrina looked up at you from her seat as her tiny arm stretched towards your free hand to land you her drawing. A green witch, how fitting.

“Thats— lovely darling, thank you.” You said glaring at Ambrose and Hilda  who were both suppressing their laughters while your niece climbed onto your lap.

“In all seriousness, I am not jealous I mean our marriage is older than Michigan 

“And most of the fifty states” Ambrose mumbled.

“What I mean is— I haven’t felt jealousy since my age was in the double digits, if anything I am...— concerned. It’s not just that I don’t trust him. I have a dreadful feeling every time he comes around.” Your tone was serious and your face fell with worry. 

The conversation moved as you all knew only time would dictate the facts. 

Dinner time came around Sabrina was already out like a light for the night. You had tried to get Zelda to come down for supper but she had fallen asleep and you didn’t have it in you to disturb her slumber. You didn’t bother eating much that night, instead having chosen to take a long warm bath and get in bed with your wife earlier than you usually would. 

It had been about an hour since you had slid under the covers with your crosswords in hand when Zelda’s breaths gradually became more shallow and a frown formed in her previously peaceful face. You didn’t want to wake her up right away so you softly rubbed her arm and whispered “Shhh baby, everything is okay. You’re okay darling.” But when it did nothing to help and her breathing became more erratic as her previously milky white cheeks became the same shade of crimson that you had seen earlier that day you had to keep her from panicking further 

“Zee, wake up” you said as you shook her slightly, your heart beginning to race: But when she had started gasping for air you snapped in fear “Zelda wake up!”

She sat up clutching her throat, pulling away from your hold on her, panic and terror reflected on her eyes. You had seen a lot over the years, the smiles, the laughs, the tears, the sadness, the anger, the regrets and the fears. You truly believed you had seen all of Zelda Spellman but in that moment the dread you felt told you that you didn’t.

You didn’t—

“Sweetheart— deep breaths.” You instructed her breathing as you inhaled and exhaled with her a few times as you tried to steady your own shaky voice and racing heart.

After a moment she had finally managed to take in her surroundings and steady her breathing, you spoke.

“Can I?” You whispered as you slowly reached for her hand. Zelda didn’t speak. She simply nodded permission as she broke into another sob as she leaned onto your shoulder. 

You slowly pulled her onto your chest and held her as tight as you could feeling helpless. 

“Zee baby… I don’t know what’s going on in that brain of yours but I need you to know that I love you more than anything in the cosmos and I am here.” Your voice was hoarse with your own unshed tears, barely above a whisper. “Whenever you’Re ready I’ll be here, but please, don’t shut me out.”

She didn’t say anything. You don’t think she could have without breaking so you simply ran your fingers through her hair and kissed her forehead as you gently hushed her until she fell asleep glued to your side. 

—

The announcement ping snapped you out of your thoughts as the pilot announced the plane was about to begin landing procedures. 

“Thank Hecate.” You thought to yourself, wanting nothing but to properly stretch your legs.

.

After leaving the airport you still had a train ride and bus before finally arriving in Riverdale in the early evening. Deciding it was more than enough travel for one day you decided to settle at the Shady Palm Motel as it was the calmest closest option to your destination.

“Welcome to Shady Palm, how can I help?” The teenager staring at you from across the counter asked looking up from the desk computer.

“Hi, I’d like to get a room.” 

.

“There you go, all settled in… — your room is 209.” She said as he finished your transaction and turned to grab the key to hand it to you. “Sick hair by the way. Enjoy your stay!”

You gave her a nod paired with the best “thank you smile” you could muster under your exhausted state and went on your merry way to find your room.“ Sick hair?” You thought to yourself in amusement at the kid’s comment.

.

The first thing you did after confirming everything in your room was in order was to take what had to be the longest shower known to mankind, feeling like you needed to wash the travel from your skin but also the flood of memories and worries clouding your mind. 

Thankfully the long day took a big enough toll on your mind and body that as soon as your head hit the pillow you blacked out.

—-

Everything was dark. 

The air around was impossibly humid. You could feel your hands shaking and the cold taking over you as it settled in your bones. 

“Why did you do this? She was not a threat!” A clearly distressed voice was echoing from somewhere, You couldn’t tell where from. 

“Silence witch!” A deep, gut wrenching voice followed. “You mustn’t question my will…— unless you wish to meet yours and your family’s demise child.” The voice was monotone but nonetheless threatening and bone chilling. 

A series of deafening screams and wails of pure horror followed immediately, leaving you lost in a place you couldn’t pinpoint. 

—-

A knock from your bedroom window pulled you out of your nightmares. Feeling your pulse in your hears you sat up looking at the radio/digital clock on the nightstand.

04:00 a.m

Sighing and rubbing your face you got up to inspect the Tok-tok noise to find Orpheus perched on the window cill. Opening the window you grogly muttered “Hecate have mercy, Orph where were you?” 

“I’m sorry it took so long I had something to tend to.” He sounded apologetic but also short on his answer but before you could pry on his business he asked “Did I wake you?”

“Yeah” you huffed as you closed the window and sat back on the not-so-comfortable mattress “but it’s fine, it’s not like I was sleeping well anyways” you buried your face into your palms, annoyance starting to build up as the sleep deprivation slowly eats at you. 

“Nightmares?” He inquires simply. 

“Yep.” You say flatly as you throw yourself back. 

“Try and sleep I’ll be right here.” He offers as he balls up on the pillow next to yours. 

“Night Orph.” 

“Night Y/n”