myBestHelper

Wishing you a most fantastically awesome 2017 :)

We interviewed dozens of families, are here are some of the things that they shared that they don’t quite know how to communicate to helpers. Why hard? Some are just things that are hard to admit to, some are things that they are not aware of until asked to reflect...   

Communication is of course the heart of success for any relationship, so we are sharing these in the spirit of making it a touch easier to understand the other’s perspective:

1. “It’s super hard to trust someone else to do what we are “supposed” to do ourselves -  a heavy blend between worry and guilt.”

The concern for safety was captured eloquently by author Elizabeth Stone: 

“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ”

The same of course applies to elderly parents or any relative or friend being cared for - the horrific fear that “if we chose the wrong person and something happens to our loved one(s), it will be all our fault”. 

Then there is the guilt. The pervasive mindset that one needs to always be there for loved ones, and bringing in any outsider, no matter how loving and careful, is a betrayal. Never mind that in their minds, they understand that sometimes one needs to put the oxygen mask on oneselve and that exposure to others is a good thing on many levels for both kids and elderly - in North American hearts, it still feels wrong somehow.   

Pro tip: 

Don’t take the questions you are asked personally. Sometimes good people get frustrated when asked to explain that they are indeed good. Families simply have to make sure they asked all that comes to mind, so they feel they have done all within their power to choose the right person. 

2. “At the very moment we need to hire help, we are usually overwhelmed because we have no help.“

Therefore it takes time to reply, to schedule calls and interviews and make decisions. In the family’s busy-ness, they are not entirely aware of days and even weeks passing and the anxiety this creates in you who need to find a job. So so so sorry!!!

Pro tip:

If a family hasn’t answered, give them a couple of days, then politely inquire. 

3. “When hiring, we often don’t quite know what we looking for - we need your help to know that you will be the right person for the task.”

Families really appreciate helpers who make it easy to confirm the core skills required - care, patience, experience, reliability and willingness to help, as well as help understand how your presence would make family life better. 

Pro tip:

Taking the initiative to explain how are you special, what you can contribute to the household, what life experience made you interested in being of help to others and why you enjoy doing it, helps us get to know you better. It’s really appreciated! Your personal stories are the best.

4. “Helpers are employees AND members of the household - it’s tough to figure this out sometimes for both you and us. “

Figuring out when/how to include you in family life is tricky and so is remembering to do the things employers do (sometimes that is the only time we have ever employed anyone).

Pro tip:

Offer to schedule regular check-ins every 2 to 4 weeks at the end of a day for example, to cover anything that may require a tactful approach - this is a great time to ask for feedback on how things are going, share your perspective, suggest a change in how things are done and discuss schedules.  

Do you find that despite best efforts to be organized the night before (clothes picked out, lunches made, etc), you are constantly on your kid(s)’ case to get a move on and end up being late for work?

Very frustrating. But some parents have it all figured out! Here are five strategies that work:

1) Find out how long you actually need!

Seems obvious, but do it, you will see the benefit! Check once how long thing would take if everything ran smoothly, add 10 min for unforeseen delays, then make sure everyone gets up early enough to make it work.

2) Make a list that they can follow

Kids love lists! Make a list with pictures and words for all the steps... You can buy one or simply create a PowerPoint slide with the images for the things that had to be done in the am, then order them, giving them on some things no choice (eg. brushing teeth) and then a line with a limited number of choices for food or clothes.

3) Role play it!

Make it a “play and learn” moment: role play leaving in the morning with you reversing roles. Do one where you exaggerate the worst possible behavior, laugh about it and then role play what is to be expected. Even four year olds get how frustrating it is to have to nag someone to get going and showing them what you would find helpful, allows them to know what is expected as sometimes they simply don’t understand the words used. We also watch episodes of “Convos with a 2yr old” as these short 3 min webisodes are so funny and so true - and help my kids realize how silly are the things they sometimes do.

4) Check - are they actually hearing you?

A busy mom reports successfully using the book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk” by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish. She gets her child state your request back to you so you know they've heard you, then says"Ok, I know you've heard me.  You are responsible enough to do your task now and I won't remind you again." Here is how she summarizes what happened next:  “It SHOCKED me to realize how often my daughter wasn't actually hearing me. Once I get her to repeat the request, she often does it without much resistance!”

5) Why not? Have them sleep in the clothes they will wear!

If their day care / school clothes are comfy, why not wear tomorrow's clothes to bed? Some kids do that and initially parents are a bit shocked at the idea, but then realized this is BRILLIANT for saving time in the morning. There's always silliness picking out and putting on clothes, so why not get it out of the way at bedtime instead of when everyone's rushed in the morning?

Bonus suggestion:

In my own family, over the years, being a busy physician and now an entrepreneur, leading myBestHelper, I often get the question of how we cope with life with there kids. We did do all of the strategies above, and made sure nannies followed the same routine. In addition, now all three are in school, we got rid of the morning blahs by allowing electronic games on iPads and iPhones in the morning AFTER they are fully ready (brush teeth, breakfast, lunches in bag, dressed etc). What was great is that there is also no arguing at night when they are getting ready to go to bed! They willingly going to bed early so they can wake up early enough to do it all so they can get 20-30 min of electronics (which are otherwise not allowed on weekdays).

Each kids is different, but of course, there are some commonalities that make it easier to speak your child’s love language  - make them feel really loved.

There is a great book that helps with that: The 5 Love Languages of Children. As a physician and as a mom, I loved it and so did over a million of parents - it was featured as a long-time bestseller on the New York Times. 

Psychologists Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Ross Campbell insights can help:

Discover your child’s love language

See how that love language can impact their learning success

Make discipline easier and more effective

Help your child thrive and grow into a healthy and happy person

There are dozens of tips for practical ways to discover and speak your child’s love language. 

The Love language mystery game is awesome - takes a few minutes to do and helps identify the differences in what you need and what they need. It’s amazing to get this insight in minutes. 

There is also a free online study guide - visit 5lovelanguages.com

Any other parents find Monday mornings stressful? Getting kids ready for school is a workout on any morning, but Mondays (especially after a great weekend) are just so tough...

What has worked for us is using access to screen time as an advantage.

We set the stage the evening before by limiting screen time - all electronic use has to stop at 7pm. Then the kids are allowed to do as much as they want first thing in the morning during the week IF they are school ready (dressed, teeth brushed, breakfast and their lunches are made). 

This solved many problems, including managing screen time access, getting them to bed early and being on time for school! 

This recipe of baked eggs, spinach, mushroom and leeks is an easy brainless meal for the mornings.. you can add some sausage in it for some protein.

3 tablespoons olive oil, reserving one 1 tablespoon for brushing

1/2 small onion, chopped

2 cups. cremini mushrooms

1/2 cups leeks

6 cups baby spinach (6oz)

Salt and pepper to taste

6 slices crusty bread

1 cup finely grated parmesan

5 large eggs

3/4 cup whole milk

1 cup gruyere cheese

Preparation: Brush one tablespoon into a 12 inch oven safe pan (or a 9x13 baking dish).

Heat olive oil in a large skilled over medium-high heat. Stir in onions and cook until softened, about 5 minutes.

Add in the mushrooms and leeks and cook until they are softened, about about 3 minutes. Stir in the spinach and cook until wilted, about 2 minutes. Remove from heat and set aside to cool.

Arrange bread slices in a single layer in the skillet. Layer bread with mushroom mixture.

Crack an eggs on top. Season with salt and pepper.

An easy recipe for a big family dinner!

3 tablespoons salted or unsalted butter, melted

3 tablespoons olive oil

Coarse salt and black pepper or red pepper flakes to taste

5 pounds sweet potatoes, peeled and sliced thin

2 shallots, peeled and sliced thin

Heat oven to 375°F (190°C). Heat butter and oil together until butter has melted. Pour 2 tablespoons of the mixture in the bottom of a 2-quart baking dish. (Mine is 9.5-by-12-inches, if that helps.)

Sprinkle butter/oil puddle with some salt and pepper. Arrange your potato slices vertically in the dish. Add a sliver of shallot between every few slices of potato, if desired.

Brush tops of potatoes with remaining butter/oil and season generously with more salt and pepper.

The Hour of Code is a global movement reaching tens of millions of students in 180+ countries. Anyone, anywhere can organize an Hour of Code event. One-hour tutorials are available in over 40 languages. No experience needed. Ages 4 to 104.

Every student should have the opportunity to learn computer science. It helps nurture problem-solving skills, logic and creativity. By starting early, students will have a foundation for success in any 21st-century career path.

It's time for an awesome science activity for the kids! We take the classic soda + vinegar chemical reaction experiement and add a fall twist to it - we're going to make apples erupt like volcanoes, hence apple-canos.

   apple

   baking soda

   vinegar

   container to catch fizz

   knife to carve out core of apple

This isn't on the healthy side but it's a great treat that the kids will love as well as any picky guest. It's a great recipe with an autumn feel to it and they're super easy to prepare! Perfect for movie nights as a treat.

Ingredients:

   3-4 gala apples

   3-4 granny smith apples

   ½ package Kraft Caramels (unwrapped) (or Ice Cream Caramel Topping)

   1 TB water

   white chocolate (vanilla) candy coating

   mini chocolate chips

   Heath toffee bits

Directions:

Place heath bits and mini chips into separate bowls.

Cut a ziploc bag at the corner. This will be for the white chocolate for you to drizzle on.

 Cut your apples right before working on candy coating and caramel so they do not brown. Place on your prepared dish.

Unwrap caramels and place in small pot with 1 TB water. Heat on low-medium temp until melted. (Or if you opt to use Ice Cream Caramel Topping skip this step).

 At the same time, melt white chocolate by placing candy coating in a small pot on low heat and stirring constantly until melted and smooth. Place in ziploc bag with cut corner as soon as it's done.

 Drizzle white chocolate and caramel on as soon as they are melted and smooth. Sprinkle toppings (toffee bits and mini chips) on immediately.

Serve immediately.