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hi everybody!

with the new year i've been doing a lot of thinking, and self reflecting, and i've decided to leave this blog. i won't delete it but it's time i at least stop using it.

i want to thank the tc community for being the safe space i needed to share my feelings, the ones i couldn't share with anybody else. you people really helped me.

i've been so caught up in someone who doesn't know i exist, someone so distant, and i started to get too attached. i'm seeing now how much that mindset was holding me back from really finding someone... it's not that i was too shy or not interested or even anxious,, i was limiting myself bc i didn't think i deserved any better.

for anyone reading this feeling empty, tired, alone, heartbroken, anyone crying over a man twice your age, or anyone second-guessing the way they feel, trust what's in your heart. a crush on a teacher shouldn't be so dramatic and drawn out, i mean we can't help who we fall for but my darlings, if you ever find yourself at such a low point over someone like that, someone you can't have, please move on. take the time you need to heal and let go, but the longer it takes, the harder it will be.

i graduated almost 2 years ago, haven't seen him for about a year, and for all this time i've still been as "in love" with him (i'll get to that in a minute) as i was in high school. i've been wasting all this time being infatuated over someone who, pardon my language, doesn't fucking want me. this is not love, or what being "in love" should be like. love is reciprocation, love is mirroring, and trust. there shouldn't be any doubt in love. and go figure, doubt is what i felt 99% of the time. "is he looking at me?" , "am i attractive to him?" , "does he feel the same?"

not calling anyone out either, bc that's hypocritical. but if you feel like you've been wanting to move on, if you've been waiting for a sign, this is it. you all deserve the world and more 💞 to those who are maybe still in contact w/ their tc, i'm not preaching to just let them go (like that's even possible to do when you see them everyday lol) but be prepared. if you're like me and u get attached easily, remember that love is not conditional. the love we have in our hearts can be spread to all people, and each bit of love we share is unique. the love you have for your tc is special, and you may never forget, but don't let it eat away at you. that's not what love does. love is alive, and warm and should make you smile! i will always treasure the subtle, intimate moments i shared with my tc and the conversations we had. i'm sure all of you feel the same.