I miss her. i still think about the different futures we could of had, and I didn't even get to touch her.

for some reason, maeve was all I could think about when I'd see y/n.

maybe cause I was falling again.

y/n was perfect. she really was. her laugh, her smile, the way she'd pick out flowers or hand out soft pastries when someone was upset. her warmth and her happiness was contagious.

I couldn't get her out of my mind since I had met her. but when I thought of y/n, I thought of maeve. I felt so guilty and I didn't even know why. it's been four years. I should have gotten over this by now.

maeves gone. I thought I'd accepted that a long time ago. maybe I didn't and just pushed those feelings down, derek always mentioned I did that way too often, but I didn't mind it then.

y/n is here. she's alive, and she's always been there for me. which was only a couple of years but it always counted. I confined to her in so much. more so than the rest of the team, I trust her with my life.

when I got sent to prison she sat on the other side of the glass, looking at me with those beautiful eyes I fell in love with. I didn't want to fall in love again, but I did.

it's not like y/n and I are together, we're not. but, she deserves better. better than someone whose going to think of another girl whose already a ghost. I want to make myself a good enough person for y/n. she deserves that.

more than anyone.

y/n can sing. she sings to me when I'm sad. she sings to me when I practically break into her apartment and fall into her arms. she knows right away how to make me feel better. the same thing over and over again and I love it.

she takes her hand and and plays with my hair while the other rubs my shoulder. it's perfect, like a routine. I'm sad, and I need y/n. she's always here for me, even when I've managed to piss her off sometimes.

but here I am again, in y/n arms as she plays with my hair and rubs little hearts on my skin. her hands are so soft and soothing, which is probably why I end up falling asleep, either to that or her singing. maybe both.

"Heal your frays, just to know you'll wear them thin again. Peel off the name, that i gave and I knew you were within. Forget our nave, the summer spent within"

listening to her washes away everything.

"For all that its worth now you were worth it in the end. For all off your worth I would lapse and fall again. For all that its worth I would have loved you until the end"

I wish I could give her the everything she deserves.

"But i'm cold in your heart and you're branded into mine"

I want to be better. I want to be hers.

Bruise the hope, our endeavour would ever see the light"

I loved maeve. I did, but she's gone now.

"Choose your own, i'll face the world knowing that you've grown"

I love y/n, with everything in me.

"And i'll leave your curls and move past alone"

I want a future with someone, I always have. a wife, kids, a family. I want that.

"For all that its worth now you were worth it in the end. For all off your worth I would lapse and fall again"

I want to protect y/n, I can't lose her too.

"For all that its worth I would have loved you until the end. But i'm cold in your heart and you're branded into mine"

all I can do is look up at her and smile, curling back up against her letting the darkness take over.