Dr. Walter Demetrius Gaster

Dummies Guide To: Basic Sign Language (all still images, no videos)

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Can be taught to speak (like parrots)

Have huge brains for birds

like seriously their brain-to-body size ratio is equal to that of a chimpanzee

They vocalize anger, sadness, or happiness in response to things

they are scary smart at solving puzzles

some crows stay with their mates until one of them dies

they can remember faces

SIDENOTE HERE BECAUSE HOLY SHIT.  They did an experiment where these guys wore masks and some of them fucked with crows.  Pretty soon the crows recognized the masks = douchebag.  But the nice guys with masks they left alone.  THEN, OH WE’RE NOT DONE, NO SIR crows that WEREN’T EVEN IN THE EXPERIMENT AND NEVER SAW THE MASK BEFORE knew about mask-dudes and attacked them on sight.  THEY PASSED ON THE FUCKING INFORMATION TO THEIR CROW BUDDIES.

They remember places where crows were killed by farmers and change their migration patterns.

Every day, I would watch Buck from my window until one day I opened it and started talking to him. He was small and gangly and he couldn’t caw right. His feathers were all over the place and I felt a kinship. So I made a deal with him. I told him that if he could do it, if he could fly, then I could find the strength to get up. Well… near the end of the season, after talking with him every day, I finally saw him get out of the nest. He went to the edge of his branch, braced himself, and jumped… and just before he hit the ground, he soared back up into the sky. I cheered harder than I ever had before.

That winter, Buck left the area. I was crestfallen. I felt like I’d lost a friend. But I was so damn proud of him. 

Cut to the next spring? I’m walking up the driveway one day when suddenly I hear a sound… a broken caw. I look up, and Buck is sitting in a tree above my head. He stared at me and puffed his feathers, then hopped down in front of me and cawed again. I was so damn thrilled, and I told him how proud I was of him. He ruffled his feathers and then soared off into his old tree. 

That summer? I heard two broken caws. One from Buck… and one from his chick.

{ Might add more later. Enjoy for now! }

Are you an interior  decorator? Because when I saw you, the entire room became beautiful.

Did  you sit in a pile of sugar? Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.

Do  you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.

If  I were a stop light, I’d turn red everytime you passed by, just so I could  stare at you a bit longer.

If you were a  vegetable you’d be a cute-cumber.

There  are people who say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Apparently,  none of them have ever been in your arms.

Are  you an orphanage? Cause I wanna give you kids.

Are  you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me  feel like I should take you out.

I  was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I’m  going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.

I’m  not staring at your boobs. I’m staring at your heart.

Can  I take your picture to prove to all my friends that angels do exist?

Your  body is 65% water and I’m thirsty.

My  doctor says I’m lacking Vitamin U.

Can  I follow you home? Cause my parents always told me to follow my dreams.

If  I were a cat I’d spend all 9 lives with you.

Smoking  is hazardous to your health… and baby, you’re killing me!

You  must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room.

Do  you have a twin sister? Then you must be the most beautiful girl in the  world!

You  know I’d like to invite you over, but I’m afraid you’re so hot that you’ll  skyrocket my air-conditioning bill.

If  I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer  to this question?

Are  you a campfire? Cause you are hot and I want s'more.

I  bet you $20 you’re gonna turn me down.

I  like Legos, you like Legos, why don’t we build a relationship?

Would  you grab my arm so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel?

There’s  only one thing I want to change about you, and that’s your last name.

Did  you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!

Can  I borrow your cell phone? I need to call animal control, because I just saw a  fox!

I’m  no organ donor but I’d be happy to give you my heart.

Kiss  me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?

Do  you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

You  see my friend over there? [Point to friend] He wants to know if YOU think I’M  cute.

Can  I borrow a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.

Are  you my phone charger? Because without you, I’d die.

Are  you a cat? Cause you are purrrfect

You  know how they say skin is the largest organ on the human body? Not in my  case.

My  lips are like skittles. Wanna taste the rainbow?

I  have an “owie” on my lip. Will you kiss it and make it better?

Hey baby, I must be a  light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!

Do  I know you? Cause you look just like my next girlfriend/boyfriend.

Have  you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?

Was  your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?

Apart  from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Is  it hot in here or is it just you?

I  blame you for global warming… your hotness is too much for the planet to  handle!

You’re  single. I’m single. Coincidence? I think not.

Stop,  drop, and roll, baby. You are on fire.

Baby,  you’re so hot, you make the equator look like the north pole.

I  hope there’s a fire truck nearby, cause you’re smokin’!

I  just got dumped, and I think that you could make me feel better.

If  you were a burger at McDonalds, you’d be McGorgeous.

Your  hand looks heavy. Let me hold it for you.

You’re  so hot, I could bake cookies on you.

Is  your car battery dead? Because I’d like to jump you.

I’m  lost. Can you tell me which road leads to your heart?

In the tags, specify the muse if you have more than one.

Also, you can tell me what you want on the sweater and what color it should be.

Fuck, kill or marry

This or that

Personal questions

Creepy anons

Random questions

Advice

Love/hate

Anonymous secrets

Anything you want!

@have-a-pint

It was late after work one day and the scientist of course forgot to eat again. There were few places open.

Hands in his coat pockets and a chill going down his spine, he looked up at the sign of the place. It seemed welcoming… A pub? Well, a drink couldn’t hurt, either.

He entered the place and took in the warm atmosphere. Definitely cozy for a pub.

When one stepped into the pub, it was like stepping back in time to an older Ireland. The atmosphere was warm and comfortably lit, tables and bar all a fine and polished wood, hushed tones of harps and flutes playing as background noise, beer imported and food authentic. It was a nice, quiet place where one would feel transported out of the city.

He looked up at the notebook in a new customer’s hands. Nodding, Grillby filled the man’s glass and sent the note back into the kitchen before quickly returning to his place.

He finally got a good look at the other and his heart stopped. For a moment, he couldn’t speak, blood draining from his face and eyes wide as if he’d seen a ghost. It couldn’t be…

“Walter?” He whispered the name. It softly lilted on his tongue from his brogue.

He heard his name and he looked up. His own eyes grew wide and he nearly dropped his glass.

Was that…?

He signed frantically, forgetting his notebook for the time being.

{ Aidan? Is that you?}

“Hold on.” He threw his rob off and rushed toward the kitchen, then came out through the bar of the pub, running over to Walt and hugging him tightly.

He wanted to speak, he wanted to sign, but he didn’t want to let go. He held tightly to the Irishman, his hands gripping at his clothes.

He rubbed the man’s back comfortingly as if he weren’t trembling himself. All those years….

{ My friend. It’s been so long. }

Tears continued to roll down his face, but a smile was also there.

Those monsters were disgusting… Leaving the man forever scared like this.

His eye grew wide and an apologetic expression took over. The tears didn't stop and his hand shook as it signed. It hurt so much to tell him this.

He was more than excited to hear that the infamous doctor he’d been looking for was now living here in the city. What a small world!

He’d sent the other an email, which he’d gotten the doctors email from a close friend, and proceeded to tell the man about himself and his two beautiful boys, sparing no detail on their story of there lives up to this point. It went on like this for a while. They sent emails back and forth at first, then texts and IMs. Happi was glad to talk to his boys’ father and sort of bond with him before having them all meet.

He seemed a very charming man, and Happi didn’t need to comment on his intelligence! Overall a pleasure to talk to.

The big day came when he had decided to take a trip to see the scientist in person, just them alone. He stood at the other’s doorway and knocked. He bit his lip. What would Dr. Gaster look like?

A pen rested between his teeth when he heard a knock. At the sound, it fell from his lips.

Oh no. Was that today? He hopped up from his chair and bustled to the door. He only stopped when he caught a passing glimpse of himself in a mirror. Gracious. He briefly fussed with his hair and adjusted his glasses, followed by straightening his shirt. It would have to do. 

He finally made it to the door, took a few calming breaths and opened it wide. A polite smile rested on his face, making the corners of his eyes wrinkle. 

{ Hello! You must be Happi. Please, do come in. }

He stepped aside and gestured for the other to enter. 

“Hi,” he sounded almost humble, watching the other’s hands. Thank god he had a def grandmother who ‘spoke’ English. He signed a ‘thank you’ before walking in, taking no time to find his way to a sitting room and having a seat, crossing his legs and smiling up at his host.

Once Happi was inside, he shut the door behind him and followed the other. He was a bit thankful when he made himself at home, it meant that the doctor didn’t have to play it up too much. Thank heavens.

He sat across from him in the chair opposite, his own legs crossed.

{ Feel free. I’m just pleased you know ASL. Even if I couldn’t hear, I can read lips quite fine. }

He didn’t want to discomfort the other in any way. It was then he realized he was being a horrible host and stood quickly.

{ Please, feel free to call me Walter, or even W. D., if so inclined. I believe we’re past formalities, though I do appreciate the manners. }

He smiled again, giving a small tilt of his head.

{ It is so very nice to finally meet you as well, Happi. I have to say, my boys did a wonderful job picking a partner. Even if that means sharing. }

{ Please, I insist. You’re dating my sons, I believe we’re on a first name basis. }

His cheeks turned a soft red.

{ I appreciate it, but they get their good looks from their late mother. }

He smiled at the other’s blush. “I’m sure that she was beautiful. Even so, you’re gorgeous.” He watched the doctor touch his scar and bit his lip.

His face changed with a soft, concerned yet sympathetic frown.

{ I was a victim of war. I was taken hostage. }

He didn’t delve into it anymore than that.

{ You are brave. You get in front of cameras and audiences and use your talents in the public eye. You are even seen as a sex symbol. I hide in a laboratory. I admire you a bit for that. }

He watched intently and smiled softly. “I just-.” He chuckled softly, but took up Walter’s hand, intertwining their fingers. “You’re the brave one, darling. I can’t even imagine what you went through….”

He very gently caressed it, and soon he found himself closing the distance between their lips.

“You’re absolutely right… And I love them so much…” He bit his lip, looking down at himself. What the hell was he thinking?? “You’re so charming, Walter. I’m sorry too. I let myself be swept away by you… I should probably go, I’m very sorry. If I stay any longer I’m only going to want you more.”

{ Please don’t go. I’m sorry. My fault. My mistake. }

Longing and desperation lingered in his eyes, along with guilt. He felt terrible, and he’d only feel worse if he scared Happi off like this.

His arms found themselves around Happi as they kissed, his head tilting to get a better angle.

It was so wrong, but it didn’t feel wrong. Not in this heated need. He needed Walter more and more with every passing second. The monstrous desire in Happi scared him.

A strangled sounding whimper came from the scientist as Happi went for his jaw. Definitely a weak spot for him. His heart pounded in his chest... Damn, it's been too long.