exit pursued by a saxophone

But you know what I love more than I hate terfs? My trans friends. They're pretty cool and shit. I love them more. That's probably important.

Hunting for some coochie

Wrote a G up on his belt

me and 23 of my close friends went on a massive holiday in this giant house on our own, turns out spending so much time with each other (and 2am conversations) (and alcohol) made us all even weirder than usual

piccolo: when you’re trying to sleep, sheep have two settings: loud, and really fucking loud

flute: get yourself a girlfriend to be your alphabet slave

clarinet: i rawed halloumi - *sees me going to write* no, please don’t tell the world that i rawed halloumi

bass clarinet: don’t be my rice bitch

bassoon: it was so dark i could feel my pupils being like fuck FUCK DILATE

contrabassoon: like baby jesus, it’s buttery and mild

oboe: she’s scary in a good way. scary in that i’d want her as a partner in the hunger games

cor anglais: you just got left on ‘read’ by a sheep

alto sax: his hair isn’t a man bun it’s a tinky winky stick

tenor sax: i was stroked by a rich and tasty cheese

bari sax: i’m not even going to try and contradict you, i would fuck a marshmallow

trumpet: look for the wikihow article on how to be welsh, then you can tick one off really low down on the rice purity test, what with all those sheep around

cornet: it’s like a breadstick, but only made of whatever tampons are made of

french horn: a real alpha male keeps his cereal

trombone: my biggest worry as a prostitute would be that people would hand me out of date money

euphonium: do we need to buy gluten free milk?

baritone horn: natural selection is coming for you if you cannot devour an entire load

tuba: the worst that would happen is the circle of death expands

violin 1: her arse slapped a rock so hard

violin 2: at what point does a sad shag become a cheer up shag

viola: oh no… there’s olive juices on my sausage

cello: i’m not manspreading! i’m doing ninja warrior!

double bass: that is why my ankle is thicc, cholera and chlamydia

percussion: this ham is only 77% ham and 33% lies

piano: you think better on your feet, that’s why you think on your feet; that’s why i can’t think very well because i’m always sat down!

colour guard: you actually sound like a gay andalucian