not technically a horseman

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every day i am thankful to ancient humans for the domestication of the cat. fucking genius idea. agriculture was a good one too btw but you really outdid yourselves with the cat thing

Hello my beautiful human body! I’ve invited you here today to discuss adopting non-mucus-based solutions to common challenges—

fuckkkkkk I cleared the time loop first try

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hi sweetie do you want brushed too?

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this is in perfect iambic meter and sounds like the first line of a weird poem

here’s my pitch for next doctor who. budget of 5 cents and a dream. a female doctor with female companions and a female master. they will all get horrendously gay for each other. we will make 5 billion dollars. bbc please hire me.

The most PATHETIC lil baby sounds...

I love when little creatures who are entirely loved and well cared for have the BIGGEST baby reactions to normal things. Like yes sweet pea, you DO have the hardest life of anyone ever, for sure, and you’re SO BRAVE about this minor inconvenience of *checks notes* having some water touch you

There is nothing sadder and more pathetic than a baby marine mammal having to get into the water. They are suffering the most out of any baby animal ever. How dare they be introduced to their natural environment.

edward likes taking bella to the meadow because she gets eaten up by mosquitos who then become flying little snackies that edward doubles back for. edward leaps about the meadow snatching them up like a bass jumping from a lake

Bear religion probably fucking rocks. You're a fucking bear, you're the deadliest thing on earth, once a year an endless supply of salmon just flings itself up the river to gorge on and then you nap for 3 months.

The most delicious food in the world is protected by tiny demons who can defend it from everyone except you. Your natural armor is thick enough that you can just eat the damn hive while they buzz around you. God's chosen animals right there

love the idea of bears being the chosen species actually. having a near death experience and glimpsing heaven and realising it's just full of bears, no humans at all, humans not ensouled actually, humans an accidental byproduct of God's plan for bears

get in loser we’re gonna try again despite it all