is it upsetting to you that your stuff always leaks a day early?

Graveman, from the bottom of my heart and the pits of my soul, I want to make music with my one life and nobody has inspired me more in this world than you. I don’t know how so much of the world remains ignorant to your talents and your soul but I have long noticed and I’ve never felt so seen. I want to make music with my one life. But, I’m finding myself having an incredibly difficult time. Mixing is my issue. I can’t make things sound the way I wish to no matter how hard I try. It’s stupid, but I have and continue to come painfully close to suicide numerous times to escape the idea that I might not ever actually reach my dream. I guess I’m just asking for tips on how you say your music through to its release, and just general tips to find my own mixing style/sound. Thank you.