Mumble Bee

The Man in High Castle.

I’ve been trying to get my head around Man in High Castle for about a week now, and it’s not that it confused me (it did) it’s more trying to explain the feelings I have towards it. I think it amounts to being sad, satisified and confused.

The Smith family are my main cause for this. I always was drawn to them throughout the series, with their arc with their inevitable fall. Hands down one of my favourite episodes, of a series recently, one that has had such a affect on me, was the alternate universe with John, Helen and Thomas. The heartbreak John went through was one thing but also the way his life could have been. I was rooting for him until the end, I wanted him to go through the portal and back to that life. On the flip side though we now know that alternate universe Helen is without a husband and potentially son. I loved Helen throughout, I felt she was so restricted by the reich and was actaully acting the way any one who was grieveing would under those circumstances. The fact that she couldn’t was the whole problem.

Julianna on the other hand left me conflicted. I like parts of her storyline however pretty much from the beginning I felt she was in some ways selfish and wooden. Whether thats to do with the acting or the character, is a different question altogether. I think it started with how her actions impacted Frank, just really bothered me, in some ways I guess it ignited his fight but it still didn’t feel right to me. Then theres this connection between her and Joe, this level of trust and belief they have in each other. I liked in some ways that it was unwavering and she in his darkest times was what brought him through,but this air of indignation that she had whenever it was questionned annoyed me; I would obviously rather she was more open about that. Joe’s ultimate end though was inneviatble he was a changed man, someone who had been broken down and built back up, not the person we had grown to love from the beginning.

The Japanese storyline I enjoyed however wasn’t as drawn to in all honesty. I thought the acting was superb, but after finding out that it was a contractural fall out leading to the death of Tagomi, it didn’t seem to flow as well. It was obvious that they had to change some things, and that disappointed me. 

I guess this whole story got me thinking about the wider plot points. The Japanese and Nazi alliance, the alternate universes, the man in high castle etc. I’m just going to say it I hated the unnanswered questions, especially that ending. Take it as making your own interpretations I just wish there was a glimpse of someone we recognised or a bit more clarity. I know thats not the point though.

I would have been happy if we saw Ed and Jake on a ranch in the neutral zone living their best lives, that would have been enough for me.

Night Stalker, Netflix

After finishing Night Stalker I found that it was a documentary for the police and for the families. It uniquely didn’t dwell or get us to sympathise with Ramirez. With these crimes being so violent and traumatic, I like that they gave a insight into the people rather than focussing solely on their gruesome deaths. That being said it didn’t make it any easier to follow the crime reports and the increasing number of victims. When it comes to not sympathizing with Ramirez that includes not giving him this long backstory in a way justying his actions due to his childhood or experineces along the way; there are outlets for that just not here.

I’m just going to jump right into it, (potential spoilers)

I loved it. I thought I would find it problematic and cringe worthy, and yes at times I did, especially when I realised it was so damn thick because of the angst. 

The added Cullen content was something I didn’t realise I needed, the whole family became much more fleshed out and I grew a deeper appreciation for each of them. I liked the extra plot that wouldn’t have been covered in Twilight, understandably like the race to the ballet studio, the snippets of backstory etc. 

Seeing Bella through Edwards eyes was such a relief because he saw her in such a light way and yes he really does love her, the moments of being cold and confusing from her perspective became clearer from his point of view. 

It made me uncomfortable the way that he would call the high schoolers children, it just didn't sit right especially as the rest of the story is how he becomes infatuated with her. 

I liked the small snippets of foreshadowing, especially how concrete it was that she would become a vampire, and her reaction for when he left. The problem I had though that even from his perspective I still didn’t understand the reluctance to change her, and his stubbornness frustrated me whenever it was brought up.

It was only a small tiny detail but it made me realise that maybe Taylor wasn’t the best casting choice- the scene at the prom when he has had a growth spurt to 6′2, meaning to give a towering presence...

At this point I would whole heartedly say that I am now hooked, and curious about Edwards perspective for the rest of the series. I would love to hear especially Breaking Dawn and New Moon. I hope that Stephanie decides to try, maybe with less of a wait, but I doubt she will, I think she’s said it’s a one off. Apparently though there is talk about her doing a Renessme and Jacob story, I would read it in a heartbeat, but at the moment my allegiance is to Edward and Bella.

I’m at a bit of a crossroads career wise, I currently work in a small school office and I have realised I would like to move into the charity sector. Preferably to do with the environment, or to do to with human rights, especially refugees or the lonely. 

In short I want to make a difference somehow, but use my admin skills in the process, like by working with logistics or in the main office. 

Normal People

I went into this not knowing anything about the story, only the hype around it. If you like One Day you will like Normal People.

I just feel bad for their lack of communication, the fact that they can be completely themselves around each other and yet struggle to be upfront about their feelings throughout is a shame. I was constantly like ‘get this boy to therapy!!!’ so you can imagine my relief when he finally faced the issues he had been not addressing all this time.

I wanted him so desperately be able to be open about his feelings especially towards Marianne, especially when it came to defending her. He gradually did though, from how his ‘friends’ treated her, and that incident at the night club and just going out to check on her but nothing towards the guy. To the unbearable boyfriend in Italy and his stepping in when they had an argument. To finally standing up to her absolute disgrace of a brother. That was the growth, I’m happy with I just wish there weren’t the barriers in the way for him to do it from the start.

It hurt whenever they would break up and it again would be due to a misunderstanding or a expectation that they felt that they had to uphold (Connell I mean). It becomes the trait of toxic masculinity, this feeling that he is expected to hold his feelings in and not express them in a healthy way so in comes the confusion. I guess they really did match the saying ‘if they are meant to be, then they will be’.

All I’m saying is that he is problematic, the way that he treats his girlfriends, how he expects them to be ok with how he is with Marianne. I get that for the point of the story it is better to have him yearning for her, but at the same time these girlfriends especially Helen shouldn’t be strung along and expected to be ok with this.

Don’t get me wrong I really loved Normal People and I liked Connell, I think it was because he was portrayed to be battling with this anxiety and not sure what to do but as an audience member we saw the wider spectrum thats where it became frustrating.Marianne on the other hand I feel that her insecurities were much more obvious and the reasoning behind her life choices could at least be explained, even if at points they were questionable.

I also wanted to point out that the university lifestyle that they portrayed was exactly how some people act. The in-depth discussions, the wine, the pretentiousness, all this ‘substance’ but not a lot of depth.

Who knew this was the album I needed?? 

Disclaimer: I am a Swiftie, in the sense that I like her music, I like the variety that she provides, and I have a overall interest in pop culture and follow any stories she’s involved with. 

By Jesus, folklore, it like she’s articulating feelings that you haven’t been able to, and haven’t realised you needed to? I don’t mean to sound like I’m building on feelings that weren’t there and falsely trying to relate. I mean more in a sense that sometimes you need to hear that outside influence to get some perspective. 

I have to say my favourite is exile, I think primarily because it features Bon Iver so breaks it up a bit, but also it is one that articulates my feelings the most (not about current situations). It’s just beautiful. Honourable shout out to cardigan and this is me trying. 

Personally I listened to it in two stages, I felt that sometimes the songs would fade into one and become indistinguishable. I didn’t want that to happen though I wanted to pay attention, not miss any of the magic.

I hope not but I wouldn't be surprised if something has happened with Joe, just knowing how she expresses herself through music and then compare folklore to Lover is so stark. 

At the end of the day this is Taylor flexing what she does best and yet again creating incredible lyrics and an all round great album.

Moving Parts

I’ve become such a Trixie and Katya fan over the last couple of years, and I am so pleased that this film is out for the world to see. 

I’m so pleased for Trixie to have this opportunity to show the there is power in patience and forgiveness, even to those who probably don’t deserve it. I guess there a debate whether she should still have her mum or her best friend around even though they hurt her. It’s about seeing the value in people beyond their mistakes and their problems out of their control. 

I think the most controversial point of the film is the break down of Katya, I think in both their situations people were able to relate. With Katya to have such heightened pressure and anxiety that there would be a boiling point. On the other hand I understood where Trixie was coming from, not knowing how to handle a situation and to naturally go to anger because of the lack of control and the all round uncertainty. 

Finally a chance for these two blockbuster actors to just sit and talk.

I loved it, it was incredibly exposing at times,  and made for uncomfortable watching at points, but it was realistic. It shows how feelings ebb and flow, how difficult navigating a divorce can be, and how humans/ relationships are flawed.

There were some points that I didn’t quite get though (and maybe someone can comment their thoughts?) I wasn’t sure if there was something wrong with the kid, or whether he was just being stubborn, but there were points where his characteristics seemed a bit off. For example his reaction to when Charlie had cut himself? I don’t know I may be being too critical as someone who hasn’t had much to do with kids.  

I would recommend if you want to lose yourself in someone else’s reality. As a viewer we are able to see their turmoil and their intentions clearly throughout the story, the reason for their divorce is so clearly laid out and how important communication is especially in a relationship.

I was one of the many people in isolation who after seeing Ugly Betty on Prime would watch it, and the had to cram it in before it was removed. I got to say even though I watching more Betty in a space of time than I though I would, I still adore this show. Even though again it proves to have been a problematic influence.

Betty was this career driven go getter kind of girl, and that I aspired to do the same because through her kindness and hard work she eventually succeeds. I feel like I have kept that mentality, fixating on a goal and always being so optimistic. I feel that it shows that she did sacrifice a lot though, at the cost that she became ignorant to how much she was missing out on because of her drive. I don’t think this makes her a bad person just someone who misses the point, and the show does portray her like this. Being a impressionable teen though I picked up on all the wrong messages, channelling my time into things that wasted my time, thinking that they were for the greater good, and from that I guess bad habits die hard. I still try to hold on to optimism and kindness I just wish I was able to shift the mentality of putting up with shit or degrading for the greater good. 

Speaking of holding onto things we shouldn’t. Henry Grubstick. I did a post recently about how Edward Cullen influenced my choice of men and what behaviour was acceptable. Henry was a whole other level. I can not believe that I was rooting for this guy. The way that he would string Betty along with these grand statements so that she would stay in his reach. I’m talking about how she would be a priority even when the baby arrived?? It’s either so stupid that he would believe that or mean that he would say that. The way that he would get so jealous of literally anyone, when he made the minimal effort to stand his ground and be there for Betty. 

I sit and criticise with a independent 2020 mentality but I get so angry because I could see these traits that I once thought were so romantic or charming with traits that my friend shared. He would constantly use his words to claim how much he cared for me but display his actions to someone else, and at any point when I would step away from it would lead to him becoming jealous and drawing me back in with no incentive but his words. 

Watching this I felt all the emotions of teen glee, remembering about all the drama, and just the love of character growth that they display, it’s a truely lovely and empowering show, I just wish that where Betty was so strong willed with her future she could stand to be treated better or allow herself to be treated by guys the way she deserves. 

So like many women of my age something was ignited when news came out about Stephanie Meyer released the previously unpublished Midnight Sun. I had recently in a isolation curiosity rewatched the Twilight Saga, and unlike the pumped up teen I used to be it just made me uncomfortable. 

Don’t get me wrong I still knew them word for word, loved the music and still loved the films, but I honestly got to the point where I could see how much these films had influenced me. I was such a strong Edward girl, and thats where my problem lies. 

I had become so inclined to think that the way he behaved was normal. I can pinpoint which point made me wince as a 26 year old;  when he would just watch her sleep?? As a teen girl I would be told that this was all a sign of love and he was being protective over her. again when he stalked (and then saved her from a gang assault??). He was possessive, and you can twist it into whatever way you want but he was, and looking back I feel that it directly influenced my relationships. The way that I would be manipulated and then it be shrugged off as ‘protective’ or ‘love’. I was taught that this wasn’t a big deal and that it was ok.

Although I can rewatch and reminisce about the old times to simpler days and just how much I loved this saga, it also allows me to answer questions about why I was the way I was years later. How I allowed myself to slip into these situations and not see the problems from the get go. 

Not only this but it opens up a load of problematic realisations, like how Bella is just really young, the bullshit that Charlie had to put up with, and don’t even get me started about Jacob...