Closed Multiple Marauder AU Writing Blog

Remus straightened up as he saw Peter’s wand aimed at him. His hand hovered over his pocket where his own wand was, but he didn’t draw it. Peter had never aimed his wand at Remus, not even as a joke. It was surprising, but it just solidified his worry. There was something wrong, something he was trying to keep a secret. Whether he was trying to protect himself or Remus, he wasn’t entirely sure, but it was obvious this was much more serious than he had originally thought it was. “You’ll what, Peter?” Remus asked, eyebrow raised slightly as he took a step towards him.

“You won’t be able to do much of anything in your current state. You’re far too panicked. If you do manage to get a spell out, it won’t work at its full capacity unless you truly mean it.” His voice was still calm, but there was a part of him that was beginning to panic, too. Maybe this wasn’t even Peter he was talking to, perhaps it was just a good actor with a vial of Polyjuice potion. There was a chance he was under the Imperius curse, or something else. The possibilities were endless, but Remus wasn’t going to give up until he had figured it out. “Put your wand down, Wormtail. Whatever this is, we can talk about it. We can talk about anything, nothing is off limits. Please.” His expression softened, his eyes pleading. Talking had never been a strong suit for either one of them, but it always felt easier when it was just the two of them. Hopefully Peter could see how much he cared and how much he wanted to be there for him.

-

Despite having his wand out, having the clear advantage on paper, Peter retreated as Remus took a step forward as though their situations were reversed. “I-I’ll-” he didn’t have a damn clue what he was supposed to do! Why wouldn’t Remus just leave it along and leave him alone, “S-shut up!” He closed his eyes and shook his head quickly when, instead of fighting back, Remus continued to talk and point out the mounting flaws in his half-cocked plan. He couldn’t fight. He didn’t fight. So, he’d do what he did best and should’ve done before Remus arrived.

He fled.

Peter abruptly spun on heel and ran down his apartment’s small hallway, into his bedroom and slammed the door closed behind him. He lent against the wood and let out a quiet whine born from fear, desperation and frustration. His legs wobbled and he sunk down to the floor, the wood of the door still at his back. “Just go away!” he yelled, no stutter but his voice breaking on the final word took any force from it, “I n-never wanted to b-be your stupid friend! I hate a-all of you! G-get out a-a-and don’t come back!” He could’ve said worse things, the ‘W’ word crossed his mind but he couldn’t bring himself to insult Remus in that way... This was already atrocious as last meeting’s went, he couldn’t let Remus’ last memory of him be Peter insulting him for being a werewolf.    

Dirk was silent for longer than Sirius had anticipated, and if Sirius had thought that staying silent while he was talking had been difficult - this was impossible. But somehow, he did it. He didn’t want his words to be empty promises, and if he was going to prove himself to Dirk, he had to start now. What was it? He was certain that Dirk knew exactly what he meant, but he would give him anything he asked for - now and for as long as the other man would allow him to. So he opened his mouth to clarify, but found himself on the receiving end of a fist to his gut instead. Yeah, Dirk definitely knew exactly what he meant.  

His muscles tightened at the impact and he doubled over, clutching at his side as his breathing picked up - since when could Dirk punch so hard? Not that he shouldn’t have expected it, but…. he hadn’t expected it. Sirius nodded, taking a step back from the other man as he tried to catch his breath. He might have deserved that, but it didn’t mean he was going to let Dirk get more than one in. Sirius held up a finger as Dirk finished - he had been listening, and he wanted him to know he had more to say, but speaking wasn’t the easiest task for him at the moment. He took a few deep breaths, straightening and stretching his abdomen to get the muscles to relax. “Alright, I deserved that.” He admitted with another nod, sighing somewhat and running a nervous hand through his hair. “But just -” He shook his head, not sure what to say, even still. This wasn’t the part he was good at, but he knew he had to do his best regardless, and that’s what was so frustrating - he could see now that even his best was far less than what Dirk deserved. But still, he had to try.

“I know.” He said quietly, trying to let all the I’m sorrys he should have said before now infuse his tone. He followed him, a bit hesitantly, to the table and sat across from him. His hand moved to hold Dirk’s but stopped halfway, unsure, before dropping awkwardly to rest between them along the wood. “I know, and I’m sorry.” Sirius wasn’t hiding from his actions anymore, but wasn’t sure that would change anything. “And I don’t expect you to trust me, not now anyway. Not yet.” It was a hard thing to admit, all of it was, but he had sat with it for days and he knew better than he’d ever known anything that this was what he wanted, and he would do whatever he had to to get it back. No price was too steep to hold Dirk in his arms again - to give him everything he should have given him the first time. “I’m just asking you to not say no. That’s it.” He met his eyes, his own wide and hopeful, and more than a little scared. “I don’t even need a yes right now, just…. just not a no.”

-

His father had trained him in martial arts, though with the understanding he would only ever resort to them in self defence. He didn’t have the spare energy to feel guilty about breaking that trust though, considering he’d not spoken to them in months and, well... Sirius totally deserved it. He didn’t smile though, and despite the internal logic of it being sensible, he didn’t feel good either. Turning away helped, and the cool surface of the table against his forearms did too. He should leave. He needed to leave. The Portkey wasn’t going to hang around forever, Professor Dumbledore had been quite specific about that.

“No.” he mumbled, “You deserved a few more.” The heat was lacking from his words but one of his hands on the table curled into a fist as he said it. He swallowed and his head sunk a little lower, his forehead almost on top of his arms, “How is this supposed to work?” he asked, not looking up. They’d always been on and off in Hogwarts and, while they’d stayed together pretty much permanently following, they’d both had very different ideas about what it had meant. What if she came back? What if he saw someone else? He’d always suspected he wasn’t glamorous enough for Sirius and she’d proved it. He chose her. The messaged had been clear. And yet, here he was, asking for answers to bring them together again. Sirius, despite his numerous faults, was just so full of life and every moment you were with him felt like a moment he was with you fully. But that attention was a fickle thing, gone as quickly as it came. “I don’t-,” he sniffed, wiping a hand over his face and looking up, “I don’t know.” It was honest, Dirk had never lied to Sirius and he wasn’t about to start now.

“I don’t want to get hurt again.” he said quietly, “Sirius everything’s just gone wrong and kept going wrong. We’re at war, we might die any day and I should be in Giant Country right now trying to forge an alliance to keep us safe.” his words picked up speed the more he spoke, “But you’re here now and I’m sure in this moment this is exactly what you want but what if you change your mind? Someone better, more exciting comes along and you turn your head and there I am again, left with nothing but this horrible,” he gestured towards his stomach, “Void and expected to carry on because you don’t like it when someone else is with me when you choose not to be.” He met the other man’s eyes, shining with unshed tears, the pain obvious. “All I keep doing is losing things.” He whispered, “And you’re right, I don’t trust you to stay but- but I don’t want you to go... I never really wanted you to go.” Even now, despite all this, Sirius was safe.  

Remus had always been an incredibly patient person, especially when it came to his friends. While most people may have taken offense to Peter’s outburst, Remus simply stood and watched him. He wasn’t himself, something was wrong and he wasn’t going to leave his friend here alone with his thoughts. Not this close to the holidays. Something happened, something that Peter wasn’t sharing, and while Remus had genuinely no clue where to even start guessing on what it was, he could tell that Peter was scared of saying whatever it was. Although, to be fair, Peter was scared of most things.

“Your shouting doesn’t intimidate me, Peter.” Remus said softly after a moment, still hovering around the entry way of the kitchen. His eyes drifted to the pile of papers and books that Peter had swiped off the table and wondered if there was something within them he was trying to hide. But, he needed to focus on one thing at a time, and right now he needed to calm Peter down. “I’m not going anywhere.” Remus sighed, running his hand through his hair. Peter was always the most difficult one to calm down, he always got into his own head and overthought every little thing. Sometimes it was better to just let him work through things on his own. “You don’t have to say anything, but I know something is wrong and I just… I can’t leave you like this.”

-

Nothing scared Remus. Not James’ hijinks, not Sirius’ temper and certainly not Peter’s freak-outs. But he needed to go, he couldn’t be here. Peter couldn’t... he couldn’t finish this until he was gone and then people would be safe. Then he’d finally be calm, one way or another. In desperation, he threw the papers and letters down, fumbling in his pants he pulled his wand out, it’s curled end pointing towards Remus, “M-maybe this will.” He didn’t know where he was going with this but Remus needed to leave and he just wouldn’t. Why wouldn’t he just leave?

“Go away. O-or I’ll m-m-make you go.” he jabbed his wand forward, no spell coming from the tip but the gesture was there. His eyes were shining and he bit his lips, his other arm clutched to his chest as though it hurt just to keep the pose. “L-leave.” he said, voice as stony as he could make it. Between them on the floor his scattered documents lay where they fell. The letter he’d been so determined to keep from Remus’ eyes just by the other man’s feet. Peter didn’t notice, he was too far embedded in his new half-cocked plan, “Y-you’ve got t-till three a-and if you t-tell James or Sirius about this I’ll... I-I’ll...” he trailed off, not having the faintest idea what the hell he’d do.          

It was hard - but Sirius stayed silent. He opened his mouth to speak, to interrupt, but he instantly thought better of it and closed it again, waiting, letting Dirk say his piece. It was only fair, especially if Sirius wanted him to return the favor. It was something he’d come to realize lately - he barged in headfirst and expected everyone to just agree with him. It seemed so obvious to him, that surely everyone would see it the same way. But he’d begun to learn the hard way that that wasn’t how life worked. It wasn’t easy - it never was but especially not now - Dirk’s words hurt him. But he didn’t know the whole story, he didn’t know that this time was different. So different. 

“You do get a say.” He said quietly, unsure exactly where to start, what was the best way to convey everything he was feeling in a way that the other man might believe him. “She's…. she’s gone.” His voice was steady, matter of fact. He wasn’t here because he was upset. “I broke up with her. She -” Sirius shook his head. The details didn’t matter. “And I’m not here for a shoulder to cry on.” He continued quickly, trying to beat Dirk to the punch. “I’m here to tell you I want it back." 

He released a long held, shaky breath. This was it, wasn’t it? The moment of truth. It wasn’t exactly how he’d wanted it to go down, but with Dirk trying to run out the door on him, he didn’t have the advantage of time on his side. And since when did Sirius beat around the bush anyway? "What we had - you can have it. We can have it.” He took a tentative step toward him, trying to close the gap that had been between them for a year now. “I was wrong. I treated you like shit and I hate myself for it. Please - I’m sorry.” It wasn’t something he said often, but he’d shout it from the roof a thousand times over if it would make Dirk see that he meant it. “Let me make it up to you.” He looked at him with wide, vulnerable eyes, swallowing nervously. “Just give me one more chance. That’s all I want. Just one." 

-

Honestly, Dirk kept waiting for Sirius to interrupt him, to steamroll over the conversation demanding his own way like he always did but... he managed to actually get to the end of his little speech. It was so unlike the other not to jump in that it took some of the wind out of sails and rather than shoving the man out so he could get gone he ended up just, standing there, waiting to see what would happen next, his palm resting on the door handle for a quick escape.    

When he did speak, Dirk’s brain seemed to hit a block. Gone... Gone? Gone like she was dead? Had there been a battle? Was he standing there yelling at a grieving man he didn’t want to see him anymore or- Oh... Broke up. Of course, just like he and Sirius had been off and on now he was pulling his crap with her and wanted a shoulder to- “What?” he spoke quietly, staring at Sirius but not wholly seeing him, just looking forward in shock. “What’s ‘it’ supposed to be?” he asked, part of him already connecting the dots but he wanted Sirius to say it, he needed him to. There was no way he could even begin to try and process this otherwise. How? How did this happen? What was-    

His hand slid from the the doorknob and he slowly walked over to Sirius, eyes wide and then... his arm reared back and he sucker punched Sirius right in his muscled gut. “Asshole!” he yelled, stepping back as Sirius would no doubt need to bend over, “You asshole! You think you can just, just make me feel awful for months! Walking around town with her! Trying to get me to act normal when my heart’s been broken and now, NOW when I finally try to get away for myself you came waltzing in here and just expect me to-” he cut off with a sniff and realised he couldn’t see Sirius clearly through a haze of tears clouding his vision, “How am I supposed to trust you? To trust any of this? You broke my heart Sirius!” he staggered away and slumped onto one of his kitchen chairs, arms resting heavily on the table. He sniffed again, “You broke my heart...”      

Breaking Point || Peter & Remus

Remus watched Peter as he left the room, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. It was obvious there was something wrong, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He sighed softly, knowing that Peter was trying to distract him with the promise of chocolate, and he was frustrated becuase it worked. His eyes returned to the table, scanning over the items for the aformentioned chocolate. Finally spotting a chocolate bar, Remus reached out for it, but brought his hand back quickly as Peter reappeared suddenly, taking everything off the table with him.

“Well, let me help you!” Remus called after him, swiping the chocolate bar off the table as he followed him into the kitchen. “Seriously - what’s going on?” He asked, leaning against the doorframe, watching him closely. Peter had always been a little jumpy and erratic, but this was the worst he’d seen in awhile. He wouldn’t even look at him, it was alarming, and Remus wouldn’t let up until he found out what was going on.

-

“No!” He snapped, the suddenness of the yell and volume breaking past his usual stutter and he clutched the items close before dumping them on the kitchen table. He snatched the folded letter and stuffed it into his pocket before both arms came up and wrap around his elbows, half-hugging himself as he stepped away from Remus, “I n-need you to go. J-just go. I’m n-not f-f-feeling well.” An excuse, any excuse would do, so long as it could get his friend to leave and then this would be easier. To do what needed to be done, to take the only escape option he had.

“Nothing,” he turned away and took a few steps to the other side of the kitchen, his shoulder’s high, “E-everything’s always w-wrong so now’s n-no different. Just go away!” his voice cracked a little on the final syllable and he felt his eyes begin to burn with tears, the last time he was going to see his friend and he was yelling at him to leave... “Please...” he whispered, “Just g-go away Remus.”      

Too Late?

They’d been there - the warning signs. And he’d ignored them, just like he’d always managed to overlook anything important. But they’d been easy to write off - the Yaxley family was deep in the Dark Lord’s pocket…. but so were the Blacks. Wouldn’t it have been hypocritical of him not to give her the benefit of the doubt? But everyone else had called it down the line: she’s not like you, you’re different, she won’t leave them. But he’d been with her for over a year, he thought he knew her. But not only had she not left them, but she’d joined them. And she hadn’t even told him.

There were other, smaller things - he should have seen it coming. They were fighting all the time, and even when they weren’t, their time together wasn’t the same. They were distant and it had seemed like the harder they tried to hold on, the further away they seemed to get. But still, he’d stayed. Loyal as a dog was what they said, wasn’t it? He’d never thought of it as a bad thing until now. But the image of the Mark on her arm was seared into the back of his eyelids, haunting him every time he closed them. 

But that wasn’t the worst part.

Was he upset? Yes. But he was also….relieved. He was mad at her, but mostly at himself. And as he sat at home wallowing, he realized he was mostly mad at the time he’d wasted when he could have been with Dirk. The thought had hit him like a brick wall - he hadn’t been expecting it, but with it, everything shifted and suddenly he found himself on the familiar porch, but he was suddenly nervous, completely unsure of the reception he’d receive on the other side. Things had gotten warmer between them - but only slightly. Not enough to give him even the tiniest shred of his usual confidence. But he had no other choice. So he knocked.

“Please.” The word fell from his mouth unbidden - not a man to beg, but there was no other word for it. He was begging him. “I….. I was wrong. About everything.” He couldn’t stop himself, he had to find a way to make him listen, and he knew he had no time to waste. Dirk could - and likely should  - slam the door on him at any second. Did he tell him they broke up? Would Dirk think he was simply there for comfort? Sympathy? He wanted him to know, but he didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. Why was this still so hard for him? Why did Sirius have to make such a mess at every turn? “Please, Dirk. I don’t want Remus.” The unspoken hung heavy between them: I want you.

-

Dirk sighed. The words, the man they shouldn’t have an effect on him at this point. He was done with him. He’d- he was going to move on. This wasn’t healthy, it wasn’t good. It hurt... “Come in.” He opened the door and steeled himself, swiftly closing it before turning to continue speaking. “Look Sirius.” he took a breath, “It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that I can’t.” he took in a shaky breath, the words coming more easily with every syllable. “I said you could still be in my life but I was fooling myself, we both were. This-” he gestured between them, “It hurts. It hurts me, every time. To the point where it’s all I can think about and that is not the person I want to be.”

He took another breath, his hand still resting on the doorknob, “I’m stuck in this situation and I don’t want to be anymore. I’ve got a two month mission to get my head straight and when I come back, I don’t think I can see you anymore. You’ll have Remus, James, Peter, you’ll have... her, Dirk couldn’t bring himself to say her name. “You made choices and I didn’t get a say. But I get one now. And you don’t get to take that from me.” he looked into Sirius’ eyes and shook his head a little, the sight still made his heart skip a beat, “I don’t want to be this person anymore.” he finally repeated, voice quiet but steady, “I don’t want to be unhappy. And being with you in any situation other than what we had will make me unhappy. Please respect that.”    

When: February 5th 1982 Where: London - Dirk’s Apartment With: Sirius Black @charlievvrites​

All in a backpack. His life, the next two months, maybe even longer, all compressed down into one little backpack. Or course, said backpack was enchanted to hold an almost comical amount more than it should’ve been able to (he had Lily and her exceptional Charm abilities to thank for that) but it was still somewhat disconcerting to think that everything that held some material important to him was contained in this one object. 

His boss thought he was going travelling, and he’d encouraged it, told him he was working too hard, that some time away would be good for him. Mr. Mockridge had followed that up with a gentle concern for his safety but he’d shrugged it off politely. After all, he was going to walk among Giants; if any Death Eaters did try to go for him, he’d be more worried for their safety than his own. 

There was no putting it off any longer though, the Portkey was waiting and while Professor Dumbledore had told him he could wait a week or so he had little need nor desire... what was keeping him here, really? He was alone. Avoiding his parents, his best friends sided with those who wished him dead. His love life... what love life? Shaking his head a little, Dirk went to pick up his backpack when there was a heavy few knocks at his door. 

Frowning, he quietly withdrew his wand and walked to the door, looking through the peep hole, he stepped back and sighed, looking down for several seconds until around round of knocks sounded, then opened the door. 

“Sirius.” he said, sounding tired as he pulled the door open, “Whatever this is I don’t have time. I’ve got a Portkey waiting and a month’s long mission to start. I’m sure Remus will be happy to hear you concerns”