ASCENT LOST.

scout: okay, you really don't even know how this guy got the job as contemporary literature teaching assistant. because you don't think you've ever seen him give below a C minus. it's insane. also; he genuinely doesn't care. you'd swear he got the job by fucking the professor, but he's TA to an old guy. when you interact with the professor, you then understand where scout is getting his attitude from. the guy's fucking brutal. the last time you argued one of scouts grades and the professor got a hold of it, he dropped it from a B to an F in five minutes, and took those five minutes to tell you exactly why you got that grade. when you took it back to scout, he absolutely gave you shit for trying to fuck with him, went back, and got you a 69.9, exactly, so the professor's round up clause in the syllabus would kick in. you learned that day to never argue scout's grades again. he's not just not giving a shit, he's actively making sure people pass this class.

soldier: military school headmaster. you'd actually be shocked at how seriously he takes this job. and the nuance he's able to hold when it comes to his cadets. he loves each one like a son. or a daughter. or undisclosed child honorific. these aren't numbers to him, these are fresh minds full of opportunity. his school has never been about being the funnel to the US military, though he does heavily encourage it. he's creating young adults ready to be fed to the american system. one of the best systems to exist, in his mind. the best thing you can be, to jane, is blood spilled in the name of his country, regardless of where you come from. and this works. because these cadets adore him. he is a man effective at two things: breaking people and propaganda. and he's good at the latter because he genuinely believes it. and if you give him enough time, he can make you believe it, too.

pyro: daycare owner! they own the daycare because they're still a felon, so nobody would hire them, but they love kids! pyro expects a lot from their employees. but pyro pays insanely well. and pyro does subscribe to the social game and the hierarchy. if they've known you long enough, you will be making a six figure salary, and what you say goes. granted, the second they start getting complaints, your seat is up for reelection. they love their friends. but they cherish those kids. they deserve the best. and if whoever's in charge can't give it to them, they'll keep firing until they find someone who can do the job well. it's just really hard, because the wrong people will absolutely get to that position before you actually do. but if you take care of them and their business, they will make sure you succeed.

demo: a very easygoing tutor. the wonderful thing about tavish is he's free. and he's pretty knowledgeable on most subjects! he can confidently aid you up until your specialized classes for your major. so in his free time, past his actual job, he's helping tutor the community. there is one thing you need to know, tavish will probably be drinking or drunk while he does it. this doesn't affect his tutelage, it just affects the way people see his tutelage. people really don't think a drunk can be intelligent. they don't think they can be helpful. and when tavish is carrying around a gallon of liquor, it's hard to try to defend himself against it. but the people who care don't matter, and the people who matter don't care. also, he's going to get you at least a C. he promises a degree is a degree, regardless of the letter grade. but tavish is a social man. his effervescence greatly makes up where he himself lacks, and he'll warn you: if you're not friendly, you need to pass your classes. he also gives wonderful opportunities with his academic recommendations. sometimes he forgets his name still holds professional weight.

heavy: the people who know misha as a professor adore him. but if you're not properly prepared for his course, you'll hate him. he is a man who gives little slack, and though he doesn't quite have tenure yet, faculty refers to him as though he does. the students who don't like him never prepared for how truly rigorous his courses are, but for the right student, they'll get hooked on him. they wish he taught everything. unfortunately, he's simply shouldering the european studies department. it's insane how many courses he teaches. best part is, it means if you've only got one of his classes, it's a once a week, two hour class. he's got an even educational pace, and the only way you fall behind is if you just don't show up to the class. he simply doesn't have enough time to accommodate absence. it's even written in his syllabus (which he doesn't go over): if there's one course you show up for, let it be this one. he will never post his lectures online. and if he doesn't like you— which is a real possibility, he just doesn't like you— he will bully you out of the class until you drop out. luckily, he's a man able to be swayed.

engineer: this man can't teach, he's still working on his thirteenth PhD. this man has the unfortunate burden of being a professional student. and in almost every class, you can pay dell for his notes. nobody can deny the man's intelligence. and his notetaking is stellar, truly remarkable at how seamlessly his notes can travel from student to student. the man's also found a loophole through every open note stipulation put before him. additionally, at this point, he's too old for young-twenties nonsense. he isn't a teacher's pet, or anything, he just won't help someone who won't help themselves. may be a part-time TA in his former classes to score some extra credit in his current ones. dell's behaviors in an academic setting put tavish as the odd one out. a master's earned with Cs will never amount to one earned with As, regardless of how hard you lie to yourself. it's not the same. somewhere, you are not functioning to your best.

medic: you could actually pay to pass this man's class, though his method of teaching will never let you consider that an option. medic does his best work in labs, when he is able to give his students practical experience. he has a fondness for his width of expertise, from his pharmaceutical bachelor's to his hard earned doctorate, medic truly does best as a stand-in for a professor who is sick, and most of his colleagues are happy to have him cover their lectures. their students never complain about him, and he always has glowing reviews for the students. this is because he bribes them. especially when he's stepping in on a friend's class. how much does everyone in this class make? get him half of the average and he'll pass everyone. he could be a professional substitute, but he's not allowed on high school campuses anymore because his experiments border on unethical, at best. and it's why he loves university. he is engaging, and when he isn't engaging, he is gone. he doesn't cancel class, just gives a passing grade for the day. you have to actively try to fail his class. his students respect him because he's never out of a job. hates when students actually use his office hours. unless you've got gossip, leave him alone. sells drugs to his students on the side.

sniper: one of mick's many previous jobs, and one he sometimes misses— he used to teach night classes for people to get their GED. they pissed him off sometimes, but it felt like honest work. it was fulfilling in its own way. this is where mick really garnered an appreciation for not only nightlife, but night owls. he's really come to appreciate the silence that comes with the night. it's made the day feel almost unbearable, but his body is hardwired to be an early bird. the best thing about the guy is he actually does care. he's getting paid to be there, so he cares. also, this is an effective tool that consistently gets him out of prison on good behavior. he takes over teaching the classes, he's usually out within four months, max. and that's because he's funneling people through these courses. if you're not willing to be insulted a little bit, you probably wouldn't like mick as a teacher. it's not that he does it on purpose, but he gets frustrated quickly. he can answer questions, but he can't stand stupid ones. if you listen to what he's saying, he promises you'll find the answer.

WAIT.

WAIT THIS IS GOOD.

THIS IS GOOD.

you hear muffled cackling from the rock you spoke to. with great effort, you hear a distinct "that's the point!"

and it is! this blog was formatted this way for one reason only: if you want to find something, you have to look through everything. i rarely use read mores because i want everyone to read everything i write! the collapse long post setting is a godsend for my blog. or you can run the gauntlet with tumblr's search function, either is a favorable reaction to me! i took the time to write them, after all!

all humor aside, i believe you mean this one! now you get your own button to get you directly there, no everest required :)

scout: yanno, might shock you to hear this, but scout is not a man who would audibly call himself "locked the fuck in" unless he is absolutely locked the fuck out. trespassing on the property, that is how not locked in he is. he is rattling the gates, that is how not locked in he is. he is at the wrong address, that is how not locked in he is. there comes a point where he decides that it's just who he is. he's a guy who will never get anything done unless he's reminded... constantly. and know that this is an active choice he makes. he tried meds. it was against his will, but he tried it, and he wouldn't go back on them if you paid him. his ability to switch his full attention from second to second is truly what locks him the fuck in. it's a real gift he has, and it's best to let it remain that way.

soldier: the second soldier hears that term know it's over for the red team. just know, he is using that on a daily basis, and don't piss him off. it's like punching someone in their temple and telling them to fight back. he's gonna use it to ragebait his team, specifically, so that he can get better results on the field. and the worst part is, it works. here's the downside, by the time battle's over, the red team turns in on each other. it's a lot of finger pointing, and not much time before fists start flying. craziest part is, never are they aimed at soldier, they're aimed at the teammates that they thought fucked them up. because they're not willing to take any actual accountability. that's not soldier's fault, though, they just need to lock the fuck in.

pyro: see, pyro was not left out when the good lord was giving people the capability to lock the fuck in, pyro just doesn't like to do it. pyro likes to follow orders, and pyro doesn't like to have to focus on one thing for longer than a few minutes at a time. the less time pyro has to throw themselves completely into something, the less likely it is pyro gets overly concerned with things they should not worry their pretty little head about. the team refers to pyro as the nuclear option. there is nothing truly good that comes out of pyro's involvement of anything. they know dell is not too far behind.

demo: if tavish is locked the fuck in, he's possessed. you might think i'm being funny, i'm not being funny, he's carrying the eyelander and he lost this time. he lost that mental battle. the eyelander... thinks it would make a great tavish. nobody likes this, at all. tavish does not like this, the team does not like this, administration doesn't care but pauling does not like this. every time tavish is locked the fuck in, the team has to call merasmus to exorcise him. there was only once, that they were able to coax the spirit out by offering the vessel that is the sword reforged in australium. that is a trick that only works once. always crashes once the moment of hyperfocus is done. tavish can focus, he risks losing himself when he begins to hone in a little too tight.

heavy: misha's got two modes in which he is locked the fuck in. there's his responsibility focus, and it's how his bills get paid. that's how responsibilities are handled, and it is what the team is used to. that is the misha they know. but then, there's the dickhead who remembers he's got free will and he wants to show everyone what he can do with it. there is something about commanding fear that he gets off to. he just eats it up. he eats up the looks on their faces. from the team's perspective, it's the grizzly bear remembering the beast it is. fun on the field, not on the base.

engineer: dell is always locked the fuck in. it is his consistent state of being. and honestly, there's nothing better than accomplishing things, to him. it's so satisfying to go down a list and complete things. even when he's relaxing, he is never solely focused on relaxing. even when he's asleep, he can answer any questions he's asked. he just keeps wondering how his list gets longer every time he finishes it. there always seems to be more to do. sometimes he side eyes administration. then he starts asking for a pay raise. see, dell likes doing all this work because dell gets paid handsomely to do it. his checks revolve around him being locked the fuck in. with the conagher money, does he really need to? no, but it's nice to have his own fortune to rely on.

medic: shockingly, another man who would never consider himself "locked the fuck in". he has many things he avoids (he knows it makes him a hypocrite when he bitches to scout. despite what one may think, he does want the future generations to be better than him. that's the point of progress.), and he will do whatever he can think of to avoid them. the team will say they prefer him that way, but then they look at his counterpart, who is Always Locked The Fuck In; how you can see the knots in his jaw from how hard he's clenching. how his team avoids him, and when he's there, it's usually to identify, or solve a problem. how he can never seem to find a moment of peace. and how quickly the blu team adapts in battle, and they wonder if they maybe got the short end of the stick. but herbert doesn't lock the fuck in because he doesn't have to anymore. what are they gonna do; fire him? he built this. don't think he won't destroy it.

sniper: ooooooooh, mick'll make you mad. it's almost effortless. truth is, it takes a lot of work to be mick mundy. but fuuuck, does he make it look easy. mick is a man who can never be caught off guard, his keen situational awareness is something that has been honed over decades. and even in more compromising situations, he's usually locked in enough that he's got an out somewhere. and he does his best work when he's on the offensive. that is when he is the most locked in. it's easy, his method of killing. it's his timing that truly makes him shine. you can never say the man has squandered an opportunity. been a little tardy to the party? sure, but never completely missed it.

scout: the team might be at their happiest when they realize scout's back on the scene, but scout's got some things he's forced to do before he actually gets to enjoy the short period of time in which the team actually wants to talk to him. scout is one of the few mercs that actually talks about what he's told to do. he's learned to update pauling before he begins to enter the base. and oddly enough, spy meets him at every entrance, it is quite literally impossible for him to enter the base undetected. it'd be nice if it was anyone but spy. and the moment he's intercepted, he is taken to the infirmary. and as the team watches the two-man parade, scout is bragging about his dozen-plus kill count. crazy part is, he's probably telling the truth. issue is, he's missing an arm and his jaw is hanging by strands. makes it hard to believe.

soldier: it is with a loud announcement that the team is notified of soldier's return to the base, and they greet him accordingly. unlike scout, soldier willingly has a post-contract routine. the first stop is to the mess hall. regardless of his physical condition, he needs a meal and he needs one now. once he has eaten, he will then make his way to the showers, where he will spend no more than five minutes before walking to the infirmary for all wounds to be treated. after that, he needs a beer. he's started to keep those in medic's fridge for convenience.

pyro: the team gets genuinely nervous when pyro is sent out on a solo contract. and they almost really wish that administration would stop signing them up to leave this base without a member of the team present. but pyro does their job, and the team quite literally forgets that pyro is actually quite adept on their own. so when they come back, especially when they've been gone for a while, the team is borderline ecstatic to see them. and pyro is always happy to see them too! it's nice to know they always have somewhere to go back to.

demo: it's always a party when tavish is back! everyone hates when tavish is gone because he's a personality hire. tavish does a lot of morale boosting naturally, it's his natural effervescence! it's noticeable when he's not in the base. you could genuinely assume the base is empty. and max, i hear you say, max, the entirety of the offense classes are still in there, and while you're correct, the team actually just likes to be around tavish in general, everyone overtly likes tavish. that is a privilege the offensive classes lack. if he's not out there, there's just no point. there is bound to be a fight and nobody willing to break it up.

heavy: it's such a sad state of affairs, the base without misha in it. it's cold in there. it's not empty, but it's hollow. voices echo. it gets past rambunctious into volatile. the team gets tense and they aren't sure what's changed until he's back. and the exhale that is let out of the base... the diffusion of a bomb. hell, misha doesn't even realize the effect he has on the base, because every time he enters the base after extended periods of time he's actually in higher spirits than when he left. he's ready to wreak some havoc.

engineer: the team swears up and down that they have said good morning to dell each and every morning since they moved onto the teufort base. and that's correct! they have, every single morning, said good morning to at least a dell. ceasefires are very conveniently timed, and they're done that way for dell's sake. and whenever either one is sent off, the other makes trips to the base to make up the absence. at the end of the day, nobody knows when dell is on the base. but there's always a dell at both bases at some point of the day. it's a power grip they hold.

medic: they don't notice he's off the base, they distinctly notice when he's off the field. and they will greet him almost coldly when he makes his reappearance. it's humorous, almost, but it doesn't bother him. the contracts are timed well, he is not particularly sent on overtly violent situations... he can make them that way, though. and he doesn't speak about his contracts, and the team likes it that way. they are much warmer to him back on the base, and he resettles back into his routines quickly.

sniper: the team has learned to not give the man a heart attack when he first enters the base. everyone has began to settle for a good "oh, it's mick!" "miiick, bud!" and maybe a full meal for dinner, depending on what time he finally shows himself to the base after a solo contract. and he's become even more appreciative of those than something big, or nothing at all. he honestly did not think this was a team capable of that much nuance to know what a healthy middle was.

scout: he's a miracle. he's loud, he's distracting, and he's exactly what you need to get out of a scrap. it's truly unlike any breath of fresh air you could take. and he loves to play the sleight of hand trick. it's what makes him so beloved on the team. the older mercs attribute it to his age, but really, the team would simply not function as well as they do on the field without him. he knows this, too. it's why he gets bitchy when they complain about his bragging.

soldier: you cannot call soldier to come help you out in an emergency, he is already in the emergency with you. and the problem is, you can't not let him in on a bad plan. he sniffs it out like a dog, he's bloodthirsty for some nonsense. he basks in it. if anything, he'll tell you to put the phone down. you will not need aid, between the two of you, you managed to get yourselves into this mess, he is confident in your abilities to get out of it.

pyro: if pyro is not already in the shit with you, pyro is either two steps away from being in the shit with you, or is actively in some worse shit. pyro would rather break their own femur than not come when they are called to aid. it's what makes war wonderful for them. it is such a wonderful way to feel true brotherhood, genuine camaraderie that they simply cannot recreate without putting another man's life in their hands. and if pyro likes you— which they almost always will— then they will be there or be dead.

demo: okay, he can be there, but you have to tell him what kind of emergency this is first. is this is an emotional emergency? can he cure this over a drink? or is this an actual emergency and he needs to come get you? because one of these is more concerning than the others. one of these situations will arouse a sense of urgency. one of these will have him tumbling out of bed at night, half dressed, and grabbing anyone who will go with him without making it a team wide mission. it does, usually, end up becoming a team-wide mission.

heavy: misha has learned some form of tact when it comes to discerning what is and what isn't an emergency, but sometimes he does envy tavish's willingness to ask. he has only made the mistake of an incorrect determination once. so now, he errs on the side of caution. it is always smarter to take the risk of losing a day's worth of sleep than a decade's. it almost makes him easy to manipulate, except that he is aware of this weakness, and crush those who attempt to exploit it.

engineer: dell has never been a very trusting man purely because of his extreme loyalties. dell is a man anyone would want on their side, and nobody has. even the administrator is connected to him based on her being grandfathered into his surname's favor. he won't say it hasn't been mutually beneficial, but it leaves little room for conflicts of interest. not until the broad's dead, anyway. you might be better off calling for someone else, and thanking your lucky stars if he takes the time to show up to you, personally.

medic: nobody ever wants to call for him as often as they must, but he's never failed them before. it's almost undeserved, at this point, on how distrustful the team is of him. battlewise, that man truly is on the field holding this team up by his shoulders. they don't forget that, per se, but the team does feel as though they've paid their war debts tenfold with how often he is elbow deep in their guts. but give him grace. it's intimacy for him. it makes the tinnitus of hearing his name be called feel more worth it.

sniper: nobody thinks that they rely on mick nearly as much as they actually do. mick actually plays maid more often than not. mick is also, in a shocking turn of events, probably one of the mercs you're most likely to end up in a holding cell with. here's the problem— mick will sell you out. mick will be there for the people he cares about through thick and thin, but he's got boundaries. you get him in prison, he rats you out. simple as that. otherwise, if he likes you, and you need him, he's probably already in the crowd, waiting for you to need him enough to call for him.

scout: look, he's not going to beg, but what he will do is become one of the most annoying supervillains you've ever encountered. and he's never going to beg. but he'll do some real unecessary shit to you, then come casually ask if you liked that. even when you look at him and go "no, you fucking moron, why would you think i would appreciate you beating the shit out of my neighbor because he parked in a space that i like to call mine even though i know it's not mine, he had just as much of a right to park there as i do" he chuckles and goes "yeah... i thought you'd like that..." this is a delusion of epic proportions. matched only by one other man on the team.

soldier: it is a rare occasion that soldier is seen as one of the more subdued men on the team, but in this occasion, he is! this man is always desperate enough to ask. and he wouldn't say it this way, but you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. so he will always be direct in his endeavors for you. though, whether or not you reciprocate will always be met with the same thing: an aw, damn! and a quick shovel to the back of the head. but don't worry, it's not enough to decapitate you. it's hardly enough to disfigure you! you'll wake up dazed, but fine. and in a room you can't recognize.

pyro: again, it's shocking when the offensive class is, in any way, described as the more subdued members of the team. but with pyro, it's a little different. pyro is already known to be somewhat of a clingy... needy... prissy little thing. a high maintenance friend, a higher maintenance lover, and a real treat to anyone willing to put in the work. and the red team knows that pyro doesn't really give people— a choice in being involved with them. and pyro is very— insistent, about their needs... the team just looks the other way. it's how pyro is, it's how pyro will always be. and they like pyro that way.

demo: if tavish has decided he wants you, he's going to do whatever it takes. whatever. this could be filling your cubicle at work with your favorite flowers. this could be just kidnapping you off the street when he sees you're having a rough time in life. the beauty of it is that tavish is a safe man to be around! he's not going to kill you, everything he does is always geared towards bettering you, it just comes in unconventional ways. it's hard to not love him back, really! until you start hearing how he's got your plans for the future. if they don't truly align with what you have going on... you might already be in far too deep.

heavy: misha will kill you and it be an honest to god accident. he doesn't mean to have so much cuteness aggression. and he's truly trying to keep himself contained in a manner that ensures your safetty, but he will not do well. especially is you are less than half his size. the team, his family, they are hearty people. they can take some aggression, they can take misha at face value! even if that comes along with suffocating physical affection, however rare that may be for him. and if you're tenacious enough, he may completely forget that you aren't... built for his strength.

engineer: dell will kill you on purpose. he doesn't like how you make him feel. you're a distraction, an irritant, and an annoyance, and he's done with that. he is very quickly getting over you. he's over the daydreams. the fuzzy feeling is more akin to static. closer to an electric shock. and he's getting increasingly angry about what you're stirring out of him. and he doesn't want you. but he doesn't want you to want anyone else. so he'd truly rather you just— not exist anymore. he'd rather you be dead. he hates you. that's a lie. he doesn't hate you. he hates how you make him feel. if you don't exist, then you can't cause that feeling anymore. that's the theory. something's stopping him from testing it.

medic: he doesn't know what is wrong with dell, he's so desperate to keep you alive it's a ship of theseus as to when you stop being yourself and when you become another piece of property the doctor got much too attached to. it's almost pathetic. the way he smiles at you. so nervous, and much too enthusiastic. he wants you so badly he'd kill himself before he actually let you cross into the realm of the dead. you'd meet the devil himself before there was a hair harmed on your head... that he did not harm himself. property was the word used for a reason.

sniper: oooh, you know, you could almost believe that mick really does like you until you realize that that's just how mick is. mick wouldn't call himself a dreamer, he wouldn't even consider himself a particularly thoughtful guy. his mom said he's got a "rich inner life", his dad usually called him "distracted", and call him a pussy, but he prefers his mom's word for it. he just casually thinks about a lot of hypotheticals, and then he gets a little too involved in those hypotheticals. but he usually is able to pull himself out of these little spirals before they become something he can't handle.

here's a fun fact for you:

you've actually never gone through the respawn machine before. you weren't put into the system, nobody wanted to flag a higher up.

so you didn't this time, either.

he made sure you felt every single papercut, every single slice, and every single stab.

you're pretty sure he hit you a few times, but the stabbing was indeed the worst part of it. you truly did not enjoy that. it is one thing to have the top of the skin sliced open. a quick pain. almost unnoticeable to the feeling of your literal intestines being maneuvered, before being forced through. and the burn of unfamiliarity. a frightening unfamiliarity. a painful novelty.

you'd like to avoid that again, if possible.

another humorous fun fact: simple hair pulling is not as painful as being physically dragged across two to four hours of the new mexican desert by a man whose physique betrayed his abilities. it truly seemed like he didn't stop. and it seemed like he was dragging you across every rock he could find. you neck ached from him using your head like a leash for your body. every once in a while he would give you a rough tug, and you would wonder how you hadn't died. another tug, you begged death to take you. yet it refused.

you could only assume he had done this before.

whether he did it in such a... violent, manner, you did not know. you did not want to know, and you truthfully would be better off not knowing what he's done now to put you in the position you are.

he stepped through the front doors of the blu base, and you were too tired to scream for help.

you were quietly walked to the infirmary, the warmest thing you've experienced through this icy treatment.

you were discarded.

left for a moment.

then kicked.

you gagged, then groaned, and as noise finally escaped you, he disappeared.

from there, it was a blur.

the flash of the infirmary lights.

the chill of the sheets against your back.

the burn that ensued.

recovery was slow.

breathing still hurt.

you were still too frightened to talk.

and when you were coherent enough to take in your surroundings, you could hear the blue doctor reject... someone's visitation to you. and you noted when the resistance stopped. when the defensiveness became reticence. you pretended to be asleep when you heard the nonverbal warnings. it wasn't long before you were awake more often than not, and pretending was getting difficult the longer he seemed to wait for you to arise.

you thought there wasn't a feeling you would want to feel less than the pain of a violent physical assault.

the chill down your back quickly overtook that.

"i know you're awake. get up."

you let out an incoherent mumble. you fought the instinct to squeeze your eyes shut.

he repeated himself. his tone remained even, but you could feel it tighten in the syllables.

you crack your eyes open. agonizing as the mirage of the stare you were getting faded into reality. what was a furrowed brow was relaxed, a nasty snarl replaced with an easy smile. almost enough to disarm you, if you felt that was ever an option again. but it wasn't right now. as far into the future as you could look, safety felt impossible to even conceive, much less actualize into your body.

you were sure the doctor would have a field day with your cortisol levels.

you didn't know which base you would prefer to be at, right now.

nothing felt right.

and you began to beg for death to take you.

"listen, i need those files. i let you heal for a bit cause i was hopin' you were successful?" the reflection in his goggles frightened you.

you looked bad.

your face was still swollen. now it held fear in them as well. you could see that so clearly, now, as you struggled to form words. you grit your teeth, before your lips closed, flattening in a line.

dell's face began to drop in response to yours.

"...so that's a no, then."

even if you wanted to speak, now you definitely didn't want to.

he was so close to you.

it was like he was stealing the air directly from your lungs.

he clicked his teeth.

he sighed.

he pat your shoulder with more force than he needed to.

the contents stun you all the same.

idiot.

you should have never taken that bet.

your stomach dropped at those first lines. you definitely thought that was a private conversation you were having... and you thought you could speak in confidence.

fucking blus.

you'll never trust them again.

what's worse, you don't know if you can't trust the blu team, or if you can't trust this team.

your face sours as you continue to read. there was more on the page.

i can assume the current time is 19:27.

you checked the clock, quietly ticking on the wall, and your stomach dropped further into the hole of your ass.

7:28.

fuck.

you may be an idiot, but you're not that stupid.

regardless.

i am rapidly closing in on your location.

because you are an idiot, i know you haven't moved.

you're about to find out if i have.

thinking past the hairs raising on the back of your neck, and past your body's immediate instinct to run. thinking past the chill of the infirmary door, the paranoia of thinking you felt the door push against you. thinking past the pain that shot up your shoulder as you slammed through it, seeing no flicker, nor hearing a body hit the floor; as you sprinted, taking the stairs by twos, there was one thing that you focused on.

scout: scout will flirt with practically anything that looks old enough to be flirted with. what is missing from those interactions, as opposed to yours, is the sheer shock of it. it's weird. he's got his own fantasies. he can imagine himself with pretty much anyone. but for some reason, he really saw it with you. so that ring is throwing him off. he just thought he would've gotten you something better. and then he's hit with the reminder that he was too late. that's not the ring he'd give you, you're not his.

soldier: it would be one of the most stunning displays of restraint you'd see from the man. it is overwhelming him. the information is overwhelming him. he's never felt this way before in his life. he's a protective man, but this is... this is flooding him. that's a ring. he knows what those rings mean. he doesn't know who he feels like you cheated on. how long were you going to keep a secret from him? he feels like he should be betrayed. but he's the other man here. do they know about him? actually, don't tell him. just— don't tell him.

pyro: ...and where are they at? the thing about pyro is pyro doesn't give a shit. and you're stupid if you thought they did. this compounds into pyro's tendency to delude themselves. you could be wearing a ring on that finger for any reason. maybe you like the aesthetic. they don't care. if you say you're betrothed, engaged, seeing someone else, that's fine... where they at though? they're looking, and they don't see anyone. and if pyro really likes you, then pyro would love to see who you're toting around as a permanent fixture. what's the frozen lyric? that quote "engagement" is a flex arrangement.

demo: he's going to contain his vomit, and if he can't he is going to be even madder. how could you do this to him. how could you put him in this position. he's been in this position once before, already without his knowledge. and if he knew the repercussions of being with that woman was going to be the tumultuous relationship with his doctor, one that used to be great, he would've never done it. well, now he knows with you, and he's gonna tell them. he's gonna tell your fiancé what you've been doing with him. and he hopes it was worth it, because he's done with you, too.

heavy: hm. you've cornered him. he's almost willing to spare it a chuckle! this is not good. morally, he means. this is bad. the smartest thing that reaps the most benefits is to cease all interaction immediately. misha's willing to keep a secret, and you'll never see him again. you may go back to your life, and however you feel about it is between you and god. on the other hand... where is your fiancé that you're here? you're clearly missing something. and misha wouldn't say he's traditional, but if you're toeing the line of cheating... it may be time to return the ring.

engineer: dell doesn't realize he's looking at you differently, but what he does recognize is he respects you less. and everyone thinks that's a bad thing. especially with dell, hearing he respects you less than he initially did is a blow! but it's not that serious. the man truly doesn't like to dabble in the philosophical, nor does he like to quarry with the ethical. he doesn't particularly care. he doesn't want to care. how you treat the people in your life is between you, them, and god. he is a completely different entity outside of that, and what he goes through on a daily basis swallows him whole. there was no space for you in the first place, but if you're a fun enough fuck he'll keep you around.

medic: it was really a matter of luck. if you were seconds earlier, you could've found your ring before he did. and you aren't sure what that look on his face is as he holds it between his fingers. it was careless to leave it by the sink. it was like watching him crumble to dust in slow motion. the tense scowl, accompanied by eyes that were shot. and you're sure it was an interaction of maybe five seconds, watching his hand come to his mouth, failing to cover the shock. you could hear the gurgle escape him. and you knew it was vomit but you wished it was blood. and before the ring is put back in your hand, he returns it sinkside and walks past you without a word.

sniper: absolutely not. and he'd find out faster than you'd think. and to mick, that's a no-go. shouldn't have began the process of making that promise to someone if you weren't willing to actually follow through on it. and don't worry! because if you don't think you can choose, mick will happily choose for you. he's dipping, no chip needed. and fuck you, actually! fuck you. fuck you for putting him in this position. fuck you for making him like you. he should've known better. and he's always going to think you're a piece of shit for playing the both of them. and that's what you did. you played them.

mick didn't know how the fuck he keeps getting himself in these situations.

being a butcher was alright work. he didn't mind it. he bounced from a couple of slaughterhouses due to— personality differences (and he'd never go corporate), but he had found a good spot. got to know the guy the business bought the meat from, came to respect the man, and respect the prices he charged for it! he wholeheartedly agreed this is probably some of the most ethically sourced meat possible. fuck, he even got to name one of the cows!

he turned her hide into a lovely blanket. keeps him warm in the van. thank you, sheila. he appreciates your sacrifice for him.

he also bought most of that meat with his own money.

all of that to say, he could honestly see himself working here and getting old and dying here. this was good work.

it was good work until he arrived to open his shop and walked into a fucking protest.

and he knew that stupid fucking color blue. he fucking hates those sons of bitches.

they roared as he stuck the key in the door.

"try any funny shit, i'm choppin' off hands."

"sounds right, murderer!"

wait, what?

"fuck did you just call me?"

"i called you a murderer!"

oh, hell no.

he immediately pivoted, leaving the keys in the door to give a very stern finger.

"let me tell you something, you ugly bitch. this is one of the best slaughterhouses to work for, alright, i know the guy who ranches the meat. we get fuckin' dinner on sundays. he runs the best god damn ranch i've ever seen. can't find happier animals in the fuckin' wild. they are loved, they are cared for, and when their time comes, they're not fuckin' scared. i got a real nice fuckin' blanket out of those heifers, and moonpie has made a burger that would bring fuckin' tears to the god damn prime minister's eyes with no fuckin' toppings. i've personally stuck my hand— this hand!— up fuckin' cow snatch to make sure that mum and her little baby didn't fuckin' die. have you ever done that? no. you think you're ever gonna? no!"

that same hand, now clean, though spiritually stained, flew to the rest of the protestors, who recoiled at the blood they now see on the man's hands.

"—and your protests don't fuckin' work! they don't work, because you're going after the wrong fuckin' people! you're going after the fuckers who are passionate about the animals because you're too scared to offend the damn trespassing orders! what kind of protestor is scared to go to fuckin' jail?! that's the point of the fuckin' protest! go inconvenience the corporations, not the people who actually care about the animals, and delivering a high quality product to the fuckin' table!"

he turned back to the door.

"now get off the property before i call the cops."

that was enough to get the truly cowardly to begin to make their leave.

some, however, will never constitute all.

and he felt that creeping feeling as he turned his back to them. it was a creeping feeling of fear. that overwhelming sense of dread that someone was about to make a move against him.

but he didn't have to whirl around. he heard his boss.

he's got a distinct thud his body makes when he gets into shoving contests.

he unlocked the door first, then paused.

then grinned.

you know, it's funny. in a way, he agreed with peta. be nice to the animals, stop callously killing them, they're beings that we share the earth with— that's all fine and dandy.

but as his fist began to connect with a protestor, he couldn't help but snicker.

scout: jeremy is... piteous, to watch. he's like a dog left out in the rain. he's quite literally whimpering as he stares out the window, he's sick. he's lovesick. and he wants you. becomes a large target of teasing to the blu team, and it pisses him off. leave him alone! if they knew you like he did, they would kill themselves missing you. they just don't get it. they don't get you. but if they did, they'd understand it.

soldier: he is quite the machine, so he is not visually showing signs. he's waiting. he's building it all up so that the next time he sees you, he can show you how much he missed you. he doesn't give a fuck about what everyone else thinks. though, frankly, the team knows because jane is not a secretive man. nor is he very quiet. so eventually, the team will see you, know who you are, and not think twice about it when they hear your thoroughly pleased shrieks echo through the vents.

pyro: jeremy is pitiful, pyro is genuinely disconcerting. pyro just met you… yesterday. pyro should not be so invested in you that you saying “okay pyro, i’ll see you later!” should have them genuinely considering jumping off a bridge, but it does. pyro throws temper tantrums without you. they get genuinely bitter. it just sickens them. they should never have to be without you. you should never have to be without them. this is unnatural, in and of itself. they must do something to fix this. you need to come home.

demo: truth is, he's fine. he's okay, but he's drinking a lot. like, a concerning amount of alcohol will pass through either one of the degroot's mouths at any given point in time, but even for him it's a lot of liquor. it's frightening how drunk he's getting, and how unstable he continues to get for the amount of time you're gone. eventually, the team gets wary. they start stepping lighter, and he refuses to take any real accountability with it. he's fine.

heavy: the unwilling aftermath of love. it is a guest that won't go away. he's become more... accommodating to it. the room for it is prepared in his heart. the bed is made to not be slept in. they both will pace, and stare at the door in despair. the feeling of missing someone is not a new feeling, it's just one that never gets easier. he always fears the worst. the day he doesn't is the day it happens and he wasn't prepared to stop it. that kind of shit follows him.

engineer: it is a total shock when we get to say dell is one of the most well adjusted men on the team, but in this case, he is! dell is able to let go. he’s the only man who’s willing to in this place. he is willing to let you go. he’s willing to have you first, and enjoy you, and then let you go. if you come back, he will probably be there. if you don’t, that’s okay, too. he is a man of the most radical acceptance of the fleeting nature of people, and the fleeting nature of his loved ones. he tends to attract a type.

medic: the team would hardly know of your mere existence, much less your worth. he doesn't change. if anything, he gets worse. he has nothing to truly mask for anymore, and life continues on. it's only after the tenth straight day of the man simply refusing to stop does the team start to sniff that something isn't right. the team would think you're a delusion before they see the ghost of a figure cross the infirmary window, and then they notice you're gone.

sniper: snipes isn't yearning for shit. he is almost too relieved when you decide to take your leave, that's just a breather from this overwhelming feeling of thinking he's gotta be something. something to you. now he can just be. and he'll be happy when you come back, of course, if he really likes you, but there's a real chance that you come back and he actually... doesn't, like you as much as he thought he did. and it's unfortunate, but it is a real possibility.

scout: the funniest, most lovely thing about scout is the fact that he physically cannot shut the fuck up. scout writes more fanfiction about the sheer amount of pussy he gets that when he's actually getting it, if you're not paying attention, you'll assume that's all he's doing— writing fucking fanfiction. but listen to how his approach to the conversation of sex changes. hell, you can tell how his romantic attempts are going based on his word choice. it goes from future to present to past. he's done the shit. what are you doing?

soldier: the total flip switch of his offensive brother, you will know exactly when soldier is having sex, because he will tell you. and if there is one thing this american man has to his name, it's his baffling levels of honesty. soldier is not a very secretive man, though he is quite the private one. usually, if he's asked, it is labelled "extracurriculars". and that's what he calls it! an extracurricular activity. pry any further and he's going to give you the exact position he was in. keep going, eventually he's going to tell you to stop asking.

pyro: the best blend of the offensive teammates, everyone knows when pyro's having sex because they're an idiot. genuine moron. and their stats start slipping. see, if this pyro were on the blu team, this pyro would be shackled to the pipes in the basement. pyro cannot balance the work and social life. pyro is a personality hire, and that makes it a problem that pyro can't handle their workload when other people are involved. you'll actually witness the team get madder at pyro the more sex they're having.

demo: if you're not the one fucking him, you're gonna wish you were. tavish is quite the man when he's getting regular sex. cool, calm, collected. confident and, crazy enough, sober. and sober tavish is a phenomenal man to be around. a driven man, a dedicated man. it's hard for tavish to keep an active roster. if he really likes someone, he tends to hone in. he pulls away from the team, and the camaraderie begins to die. but he's busy. he's growing something more important right now.

heavy: if you are the one fucking him, you're gonna wish you weren't. you're beginning to breach the line of the more secretive men on the team. misha doesn't change, outwardly. and especially not to the team. truth is, he's still unsure of who to trust. he trusts his doctor, and if he ever found out he couldn't he'd kill that man. so whoever this mystery person is is kept under lock and key because that's the person bearing the brunt of misha's descent into temporary madness. this is kept very close to his chest. he'd rather ruin it, himself. not let someone else fuck it up before he does. and you'd do well to stay out of it.

engineer: see, the team is just happy he's in a good mood that they don't care what it's from. dell gets a lot of leeway on what's allowed, he's the guy who informs the administrator. so when dell's breaking the rules, everyone shuts up and puts it in the bank, and they expect him to look the other way for their escapades, too. and if he's fucking, he's absolutely looking somewhere else. hell, he doesn't even bother to check what he missed. and it takes one slip up. one slip up that he will inevitably make. and when the team sniffs it out, everyone gets real reckless.

medic: if he doesn't want anyone to know, nobody will know. the doctor is a man who takes quite a few solo contracts. more than imagined. and he's not coming back to speak of them. nobody really knows what the guy... does. and knowing what they know of him already, the team is never keen to find out. but he's calmer. not that he's not as driven, but things become less of a crazed idea and a stone cold fact. there are things he is going to do. there are things he will make others do. and the iron grip he suddenly stakes claim to in the company is... offputting.

sniper: mick's paranoia will give him away more than anything else actually would. he's already a pretty wary guy, and the team doesn't mind that. it's the constant checking over his shoulder. it's the triple checking clean shots. it's the defensive attitude he has before he even bothers to hear what's being said. he's too squirrely. it bleeds into everything. but he's a good man. people would be more concerned about his actual mental state than what's actually happening in his personal life.

the softest gasps can be heard if the building was quiet enough.

but the base can be counted on one thing, the sheer amount of background noise.

it’s easy to conceal oneself from the busyness of it all.

you gripped at each other. needing, wanting, and heat seeking. breathing into each other, unwilling to relinquish grip of the other’s mouth. shoulders. waist.

your back hits the wall, and your hands fly to his cheeks. a slight pinch.

not so hard.

you both take the pause to think. to stare at each other and think. it wasn’t something that was smart to do. yes, all of it, but specifically here.

a closet is an easy place to be caught in.

you both forgot that as you grinned. that’s the part that made it fun.

though the pause affected the momentum. and the momentum was enough to plant the seeds of doubt. the touches lingered, and the heaving softened into sighs.

you took stock of yourselves. grinned at each other again at the sheer embarrassment of it all.

teenagers, the both of you. chronic dogs.

you took the lead. pressed your lips gently against his jaw. followed it down his neck. gently pulled the crisp button down aside, allowed your pinky to partake in the softness of his vest.

you bit down on his collarbone. the hiss you received was soft. you bit harder and felt his hand grip into your sides, matching the tension you felt in your jaw. you released when you couldn't take the pain anymore of his digits digging into your sides.

your tenacity was rewarded regardless, you felt yourself be repositioned and once again, you both just stared at each other. taking the other in.

a hand hesitantly found itself on the hems of your clothes, and both of you began to pull, rewarded once again with the glorious heat of each others' skin.

there was the clinking of a buckle, something icy grazed the interior of your thigh, and it was quickly replaced by that growing familiarity of hot skin.

he towered over you. the breaths exchanged was the only way you were possibly counting the seconds. your nod held too much hesitancy. and it took too long to muster the simple act, and it was an active attempt you had to make to stop it. even still, it failed to portray how desperately you wanted this, you felt.

he didn't hold it against you. simply lined himself up at your entrance and pushed in.

he didn't hold it against you as your nails dug into his shoulder, but as the gasps turned into heaving, his hand clamped around your mouth, and his lips pressed themselves to your temple. his grip was unwavering, and you could feel the hiss of air blow through your hair.

shh.

you squirmed against him, relishing in the feeling of being full. you could not find a place where your hands felt comfortable resting, and your brain was beginning to wipe white. that was almost worse, you were just beginning to not care where your hands were, and you were starting not to care how often your moans were reverberating against his hands. you were starting to not care at how his irritation was becoming palpable.

you didn't care until that hand clamped over your mouth abandoned it for a death grip around your throat. the sudden cutoff turned what was going to be another moan into little more than a squeak, and your heaving turned into gasps. if that. certainly not enough to actually sustain consciousness. and he took what oxygen was left in your lungs every time he leaned down to kiss you. and your silence made him want to kiss you. you let your eyes slip shut, and allowed yourself to be used. he was in his own mind, now, you knew that.

you allowed yourself to fall into your own. as your eyes slipped shut, you lost yourself in vague shapes and hazy colors. this constant thrumming of a warm red, bloody, hot, and comforting. and with the way that he's heaving, it added this sharp line, crackling across your vision. vivid. cherry.

the hand leaves your throat as you begin to slump. the grin never left your face as your body once again began the mechanical process of breathing. you felt that hand come to your shoulder, and shake you slightly. you didn't bother to open your eyes, giving a halfhearted thumb up. though it skewed, it was good enough for him.

he was already holding you up anyway, he was not worried about maintaining your stability. he was somewhat embarrassed at his lack of restraint. but you made him feel young. and the look on your face. dazed and so thoroughly pleased. the passing thought humored him.

he wanted whatever you were on to look like that.

he snickered, though his pace never faltered. you remained slumped against him, and as he peeled you from the wall, he pressed you down completely, grinding you against him as his mind went fuzzy. his breathing deepened, and he froze, holding you in place as he felt the familiar tension release within him. he waited. seemed smart to allow you to contain the mess. you obviously didn't seem to mind. you let out an unconscious, though pleased hum at the sensation, and he finally began to think again.

he took on the task of putting you both back together, and set you down to begin the process.

he pulled his pants up. blankly felt around for his belt, looped it. shirt, vest, made sure he had it on the right way, and gave a huff.

alright, your turn.

he found your pants, and tenderly began the process of getting them back on you. he noted how you soured at the sensation, though eventually quit fighting. he pulled your shirt down, and patted your side. almost dusting you off. and he stopped to think again.

it would be quite difficult to explain your state. he wasn't willing to attempt to move you from here.

he finally looked around.

how often would anyone come in here?

it was more spacious than he initially thought it to be. four rows of metal shelving with unmarked boxes on them. who knew what was left in here. could be anything.

it would make sense nobody would bother to come in here.

he peered into one of the boxes on a lower shelf. hesitantly reached a hand in, and felt something soft. some form of fabric. he pulled it out, and began to unfold it.

some form of a coat. that'll work. he rolled it back up, and pulled another from the box, returning to you and fashioning an (admittedly terrible) sleeping pad. he maneuvered you onto it, and nodded, turning to make the swift exit.

he didn't blink at the flooding of light as the door opened. simply stepped out and clicked it shut.

he gave two quick looks down the hall, coughed slightly, and began the walk to the infirmary.

scout: scout used to hate pranks. he remembers. he was the target of them a lot in his household. but in this place? it's some of the funniest shit in the world. there comes a point where he isn't even a target of the pranks anymore, and it becomes this internal civil war of his teammates getting even with each other. except for misha, who gives everyone a generous helping of his antics. and it's usually fairly harmless. his shoes are missing the laces, his room has been shifted three inches to the right, contact paper on the doors and then calling for him. they're pretty funny!

soldier: this is one of few things that soldier and misha really get along with. fervor is not something that is seen from misha, and with soldier showing him this lovely little holiday called april fool's day, the week of march leading into april is one of the absolute best times to be in the red base purely because of the energies these two bring to the buildings. and it's one of the few times that soldier can push misha further, and he likes it. they begin to build on one another and compound, somewhere into it they turn into daredevils, and by that time they're too far gone. the team has learned to stop it before they get that far.

pyro: euuugh, this is something pyro kindly opts out of. they don't see the point in hurting people they love, and they assume that you probably hate them, and that's why you would think to do something so embarrassing and hurtful to them, like laugh at them. it's just not pyro's humor. and pyro does have a sense of humor, and sometimes hurting people is funny, but only to strangers, and people they don't care about. they love watching prank videos, but they don't want to be any active part of a prank.

demo: to tavish, it's funny until it's not. it's funny to watch, and then sometime after it reaches this elaborate crux (which is when it's hilarious), the energy becomes tense. tavish is also usually the first one to put his foot down on the pranks. they become unbearable. he becomes antsy. and he usually enjoys being at the base. it's usually relaxing to be on the base, and pranks remove that peace from the environment.

heavy: april fool's day is the most american shit misha gets involved with. misha loves a good prank. a good hearted prank pulls the absolute best out of the man. he becomes something that is truly lovely to be around. warm, enjoyable, and one of the most fun traits about him— cunning. and it's vicious, but in one of the most harmless methods imaginable. he's just got wonderful timing! loves a good scare behind a corner. it's easy, no set up, almost always works. and misha is big enough to take a fearful hit, and dextrous enough to catch the ones he's not willing to take. and he's always enjoyed them! his family almost misses how mischievous he could really get.

engineer: it may be genetic, he really can't stand a prank. that is not, nor has ever been, the conagher humor. he finds it tacky and tasteless. he thinks it's petty at best, and downright malicious at worst. and it almost sounds rich, coming from him. but come on. doing harm of any kind onto someone shows the type of person you are. and he takes note of that. his violence is always telegraphed, even if you don't pick up on the cues. and he truly doesn't think there's anything wrong with enjoying causing harm onto someone. it better not be him.

medic: he fucking hates pranks. he hates them. which makes him the best target. issue is, the second he recovers from the fear, he's going to hit you. he will chase you all day until he gets a hand on you, and he's smacking the fuck out of you. but watching him clutch at his chest, gasping for air after he lets out an ear shattering shriek if it weren't for its brevity, watching his eyes shake and struggle to focus from being taken off guard, before they hone in on you... it's pretty tasty.

sniper: sniper enjoys a prank... theoretically. somewhere between the theory and the praxis of it, mick starts to lose what makes a prank funny. you know what's funny to him? putting a block of indian ink in spy's laundry, and tossing that shit into a rainy day puddle in front of his face. you know what else is funny? fighting that motherfucker on the spot. spy is usually the target for sniper's more... cruel humors. but it works for them. they're still friends. mick appreciates the outlet spy has quietly agreed to be for him. so the pranks really do bring them closer together. who knows if they've seen each other at their best, but they've definitely seen each other at their worst.

i did not forget about this!

it's actually not my gif, i got it from this post