Strike a Balance

* ∘ ∙ — text starters !!!

feel free 2 change pronouns & such

[text:]   you  will  machete  through  this!!  **make it

[text:]  wait you like me ?? for my personality ???

[text:]  i have to kill him. idk how to hit on him so he has to die.

[text:]  make sure no one has fun w/o me & make sure they all know it’s cause i’m not there.

[text:]  hey just wondering but are u fucking kidding me

[text:]  am i dramatic yes is it justified also yes

[text:]  words can’t describe how cute you are. numbers can tho. 3/10

[text:]  that’s a terrible idea.

[text:]  you’re a terrible idea.

[text:]  what, pray tell, the fuck

[text:]  sorry my battery’s on 96% i gtg

[text:]  do you have anything else to tell me? bc well your horoscope said that you’re keeping secrets so like idk i don’t wanna call you a liar but the stars don’t lie idk

[text:]  the only fetish i’m into is attention❜

[text:]  dogs are better than boys & that’s just a fact idc what u think❜

[text:]  we’re talking about me now. so can you please not. thanks. anyway back to me.❜

[text:]  hmm, good point, but have you ever considered: eat my ass????❜

[text:]  i need a gf who will go ufo hunting with me❜

[text:]  when donkey asks shrek what his name is, shrek pauses before he says shrek, & i’m convinced he came up with it on the spot.❜

[text:]  are you going to be a bitch your whole life?❜

[text:]  we had sex but it wasn’t that great bc i had banana bread in my car & i couldn’t stop thinking about it lmao. he was tryna be sexy & asked ‘so what do you want’ & i was like my fuckin banana bread lmao

[text:]  wym ‘fucker’ isn’t a term of endearment

[text:] i swear if i see your typing bubble before i finish i’m gonna have a fit

[text:] fuck you i do wtf i want

[text:] i know i’m a horrible roommate/part of why u can’t trust men but it’s 5 am so shut the fuck up