to my after pain

ᵈᵒᶜᵘᵐᵉⁿᵗᶦⁿᵍ ᵐʸ ᵃᶠᵗᵉʳ ᵖᵃᶦⁿ… welcome to mucchan39's blog!! 🐝🩷

so wdym the college entrance test is in 2 weeks and all the knowledge i had from trying to study during the summer is GONE GONE im so cooked

thank you so much! i put a lot of effort into making it :>

slr btw

loving the color pink is a lifestyle 🩷

i interrupt my regular doomposting to ask jiraiblr to politely congratulate my girlfriend since she just won silver in one of the biggest academic competitions in the world! she deserves all the flowers and love and more <333

watching her prepare and struggle and be as amazing as she is even if i didnt make it as far as her makes me so so happy for her

still trying to get over the fact i lost the only thing that made me special among all my friends

i miss having the motivation and time to properly invest in my hobbies. my main (my art account) hasn't posted proper art in genuine MONTHS HAHAHAHAHA

i miss being special ngl, why am i so plain and average these days can't a girl stand out just a little more than the rest?

if equating my worth to my productivity makes me a slave, i will proudly cuff myself in chains

just contemplating it for a little but

ofc if i did, i will put the appropriate tw tags and hide it accordingly so if you block that sort of stuff, you won’t need to see it from me. just need to know the thoughts of jiraiblr

i cant even focus on studying anymore all i can think about is hurting myself any way i can over and over and over and over and cutting and hitting myself and poking myself with needles until it feels enough but it doesn't and will not feel enough honestly if i were rash enough and i didn't have a girlfriend off doing a competition without a way for her to see me until friday, i think i would have attempted today. she's gonna be heartbroken when she finds out what i've done to myself. maybe i should just. not tell her what happened today? but i need her reassurance the most out of everyone.

why am i only good at things once im forced to do them

i dont even have passions in life and the one thing i thought i loved is not even an option for me anymore. i dont wanna look at biology ever again dude.

my brain is screaming in horror and doom and terror and thoughts of death rn but nothing can beat the pure serene calm of when the blade tears the skin

cut for the first time on my wrists today and ended up making tons of cuts on my thighs... life is totally okay for me yeah i feel like cutting more on my wrists but it's gonna be a pain in the ass if people notice so i only made a few cuts... god i miss her...

ive entered full academic burnout and i've become a bum. goodnight everyone. i don't even wanna go out anymore.

HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY TO MY MUU KUSUNOKI OMG I ALMOST FORGOT HOW HORRIBLE OF ME