If you ever hear me breathe deeply it’s not because I’m annoyed it’s because I forget to breathe sometimes

WHAT???? I NEED CONTEXT

Dude there are 6 Garfield strips that explain Garfield is actually an abandoned cat dying alone of starvation in an apartment and all the food and friends are in their head.

UR JOKING

What the fuck

Garfield is an eldritch being, pass it on!

no really what the fuck

It’s a murderer instinct but holy shit it’s so cute.

The cutest murder machines ever.

Entirely for @hellmandraws‘ amusement, and to defend America from the charge of being “weakass babies” I’m going to liveblog eating licorice candy.

it’s stuck to my teeth, I’ll be tasting this forever. shards of this will be discovered in my teeth when my body is excavated from an archeological dig tens of thousands of years in the future. somehow the smell has traveled up through my nasal cavity and all I can sense, hear, or experience is licorice. the world is an empty vessel filled with remorse and the cloying smell of decay. I’m at the nadir of my existence. -100/12

somehow, here, standing at the edge of eternity, the darkness that consumed me birthed me anew. I’m not only ready for another candy, I’m eager. I can, nay I must, immediately eat another

oh wow it’s salty! 8/10

this time I’m ready for the salt to wear off. 

I WAS NOT READY

the flavor this time was different, and somehow so much worse. instead of the leather of a shoe, it was like eating an entire shoe factory. the industrial rubber of the forklift tires, a hint of diesel as secretive as a volkswagen scandal, a soupçon of hot tin roof, the sweat of non-unionized labor, and a pervasive sense that while we’re all in this together, some of us are more all in this than others. 1/10 throw off your shackles, taste buds

I can’t believe it but I’m into this. I like this. shocked and disgusted with myself, I shove 2 more into my mouth concurrently.

conclusion: I’ve become addicted to licorice candy. what is in this. how do I get more. I hate this? I hate this. I willingly admit I’m a weakass baby. 100/10 will cycle through destruction and rebirth willingly and with open eyes, albeit it with teeth that will never again be clean.

imagine slow dancing to this w the girl you love in your kitchen.. pure heaven

Sex

this mix will never get old ever ever

@smokingsunflower

i want men to be able to emotionally connect with people they don’t plan on having sex with. i want men to stop assuming i am planning on having sex with them because i make an effort to engage with them emotionally. i want men to stop feeling personally betrayed by the fact that i engage deeply & genuinely with people regardless of whether i desire them sexually, because i value people & seek to understand & connect with them regardless of sexual attraction

Sometimes I purposely have headphones in with no actual music to stop people from trying to talk to me. Enraging.

I had to stop reading. this made my brain hurt. if she has head phones leave her alone. if she is me leave me alone always and forever

This is rape culture

Lol unless you’re telling her the bus is here, it’s the last stop on a train, or some pertinent information, leave the damn woman and her headphones the fuck alone.

Thank you I was about to throw my phone at a wall

This article is infuriating. The kind of person who is going to follow this advice isn’t the kind of person who can respect personal space. Not the kind of person I want to give my time to, or the kind of person any woman/AFAB owes time to.

I’m cackling this is so fucking funny

I can’t

Moves as smoothly as an ocean liner.

I couldn’t tell what it was at first, but that wasn’t what I was expecting

i thought it was an otter, then i thought it was a shark, and let me say i was wrong both times

IT’S THE LOCH MOOSE MONSTER

Moves as smoothly as an ocean liner.

I couldn’t tell what it was at first, but that wasn’t what I was expecting

i thought it was an otter, then i thought it was a shark, and let me say i was wrong both times

IT’S THE LOCH MOOSE MONSTER

Moves as smoothly as an ocean liner.

I couldn’t tell what it was at first, but that wasn’t what I was expecting

i thought it was an otter, then i thought it was a shark, and let me say i was wrong both times

IT’S THE LOCH MOOSE MONSTER