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I relized befor I even hit puberty that I was not like other boys as far as what boys were supposed to be interested in. But I followed the set "rules" of what boys were supposed to do. Sports, toys, friends ect.. I knew that there was a negativity that followe'd people who didn't conform to the "rules" I had seen it in person at school and on the news. I wasn't sure what my deal was but I knew that I felt vulnerable for feeling different. I have since hated labels and or conforming to the "normal". This relization and suppression sparked a lot of depression and anxieties that I've lived with as long as I can remember. I found music and art to be my sanctuary as there was no real "rules"..just different types of music and art. That's how I got by. Expanding my knowledge of art and music.

 When puberty finnaly did come there was the expectations of more body hair, bo, and a deeper voice. Well my voice changed a lil but not much and I still to this day, never got that chest hair "real men" are supposed to have. Ha. So I felt my body was now telling me "your really different kido". My taste in music was and still is all over the place. But I was into the 90s grunge and alternative music mostly. I saw they were different than the music that came befor and the music that was evolving and I felt it was more relevant to myself. I soon became supper interested in creating music. Not yet a preteen, I felt I had to express these feelings that I couldnt get out of my head.

 Ok backing up a couple years, in about 2nd grade on of my friends brought a playboy to school. That was when I first learned the difference between male and female not only based on anatomy but sexuality. I can now admit now that I instantly wondered what it would be like the be a girl. This is when I first started to explore my own body. I eventually found my dad's stash of Penthouse mags and I saw and read a lot of different things and I kept coming back to the female perspective and I felt more desire in being "her". But I still had the desire to have sex with "her". In the back of these mags there were the phone sex listing and I came across one for ladyboys, shemales, trannys..this was the labels I had to go on.. there were one or two pics of girls with a penis. I thought how is that possible? Is this real? 

So I'm working on sharing my journey through life and the discovery of my Gender Dysphoria. I’m 29 on this date 3/26/18. I've been reading this book, The Transgender Guidebook: Keys to a successful transition by Anne L Boedecker PhD. You can find it on amazon and there’s also a workbook you can get with it. Ive found since I opened this book that it is very informative as well as sensitive to the fact that gender dysphoria is a very complex thing for each and every person dealing with it. I feel that this book speaks to me and explains alot of my issues as well as an understanding and acceptance of issues others may be experiencing.