Wanderer

Him: omg you didn’t have to! I’m the one who’s supposed to treat you today but you had that thingy on.

Me: oh no dont worry im stress shopping and i love buying stuff for others, to lessen the guilt.

Him: *berdoa semoga i dimurahkan rezeki*

When in reality…. I LITERALLY BOUGHT THAT BECAUSE I WAS THINKING OF HIM. THERE REALLY IS NO OTHER REASON. I WAS NOT STRESS SHOPPING. I BOUGHT IT FOR THIS PERSON.

When I was with my former boyfriend, we started watching season 3 of the series together. However, due to the time zone differences, we could only watch one episode at a time and had to wait days before we could proceed to the next one. The waiting always filled my tummy with butterflies as I’ll get excited for the red-letter day, knowing that I’ll get to spend time with my kesayangan. Ahh, what wonderful, lovely times. Unfortunately, our relationship ended before we could finish the season, with only one episode to go. I was too heartbroken by the breakup that I couldn’t bring myself to finish the series all by myself. I guess it was because a part of me really wanted to wait for him in hopes that we could amend things and watch it together but after 20th May 2022, I know that things really have changed. Today, on the 27th May 2022, season 4 is released. Years (and feelings?) have gone by, maybe it’s finally time to watch Stranger Things 3 Episode 8 and start anew?

This question was asked on 14th February 2022 and today is the 5th of March 2022. So as you can see, I took quite some time to ponder upon the question before answering it. I’d ask myself this question every single day and to be honest, I don’t have a specific answer. I am super grateful for everything, as everything that’s happened so far, would be the best thing to ever happen in my life- be it if it was a bad thing or a good thing. But I’ll tell you something else, YOU are one of the best thing that’s ever happened in my life too 🤗🥰

I posted 35 times in 2021

22 posts created (63%)

13 posts reblogged (37%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.6 posts.

I added 13 tags in 2021

#relationships - 3 posts

#send help - 2 posts

#will you be my beginning my middle my end? - 1 posts

#thoughts scrambled - 1 posts

#love - 1 posts

#why i want to get married - 1 posts

#thesixthofthemonth - 1 posts

#breakup - 1 posts

#procrastinator success story - 1 posts

#feeling motivated - 1 posts

Longest Tag: 42 characters

#will you be my beginning my middle my end?

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

T-3d. Get ready for an emotional week 🥺

1 notes • Posted 2021-08-10 10:22:55 GMT

#4

3 notes • Posted 2021-10-15 10:56:17 GMT

#3

Question of the day:

Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end?

Still awestruck by yesterday’s movie’s soundtrack- can’t seem to get it out of my head (and also Melukis Senja by Budi Doremi. so so sooooo good!) Lara Jean overthinks too much which makes the song so suitable for her relationship with Peter. If you guys are meant to be together, even 50 years later, you’ll be by each other’s side. Dear the-Peter-to-my-LJ, if you’re lost, please look for the map that leads to me fast!

Sometimes, you get what you've always been wishing for And most times, it's not on your deadline, that's alright I was worn out and jaded from trying on people to love But you fit so well When they ask why, I can never explain But a symphony played when you told me your name And I took that as a sign Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? Will you be mine? Sometimes, it's hard to see what the future holds And most times, it feels like a steep climb, and that's alright There's magic in details, the tender small gestures of love And the way they all add up When they ask why, I can never explain But a symphony played when you told me your name And it sounded like a sign Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? Will you be mine? Five years later, and I'm still yours Ten years later, and I'm still yours Fifty years later, and I'm still your beginning and middle and end Five years later, and I'm still yours Ten years later, and I'm still yours Fifty years later, and I'm still your beginning and middle and end Beginning and middle and end (Oh) Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? (Oh) Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? (Oh) Will you be my beginning, my middle, my end? (Oh) Will you be mine?

4 notes • Posted 2021-02-14 14:35:32 GMT

#2

So uh this guy whom I knew had a crush on me is trying his luck…? I think. Let’s name him N. He’s a friend of HH and I really don’t wanna give this guy any false hopes. Well, I’ve always had the suspicion but when I told HH about it, he said that it wasn’t the case (my instincts are usually right). The suspicion intensified when N suddenly confronted me just a few months ago about what happened a few years back and yea… all was in check. Anyway, N’s inviting me to do a weekend activity together but I’m pretty sure it’ll be with all of HH’s friends as well (and also am confident that he actually just wants only the two of us but no way jose) and it’s gonna be so awkward, plus the fact that I really don’t wanna give this guy false hopes. It’s getting kinda obvious since he’s been inviting me for a few weeks straight already and now that I’ve had a long time to think about it, from the start actually, I don’t think that it’s a good idea. I mean, I don’t know his nawaitu, maybe he really is just trying to be friends with me. I think it’s not a good idea also because I’m still trying to move on and I’m pretty sure that being surrounded by his circle would only make me melancholic and burst into tears. I know this because it’s what happened when Aqil came over for an ice-skating session and I ended up crying about A haha boy did he panic. Aaaand also when I hanged out with Shira last time and I ended up crying about HH in the middle of AEON’s food court, and throughout the journey back. I’ve never cried in front of her throughout our friendship because I was usually the stronger one and I think even she freaked out. Definitely not something that I wanna sign up for. But in spirit of friendship? I did kinda sorta agreed to becoming friends with him cuz I did owe him back then but hmmm idk man. I hate being tangled up in unnecessary drama and I obviously don’t want to have any beef with HH’s circle or anything. I’m pretty sure HH wouldn’t mind me going though lol. I think it’s best for me to not accept N’s invitations. But how do I do it without hurting his feelings?

Maybe I’m just overthinking everything.

5 notes • Posted 2021-10-06 17:39:57 GMT

#1

Emptiness and Numbness- It’s ok if you forget me

My colleague shared this song called ‘It’s ok if you forget me’ by Astrid S (a Norwegian singer) with me the other day and commented on how good the song is. Now, if you know me, I’m the type that appreciates the music along with the lyrics. I can’t help but cry when I heard the song. I was deeply affected by the breakup and it didn’t seem like it to the other party. Another colleague added that that was how she felt after her own breakup... numb and empty. 

Is that how you felt? Like our relationship meant nothing at all to you? I don’t know how to react now after learning this side of a breakup. I feel like a bad person wanting you to feel as devastated as I was, but I have to accept the ugly truth that everyone’s different. I just hope that I at least mean something to you... or at least just let me believe in that even if it’s not the truth. 

Two weeks and I wait 'til the feeling hits Maybe I just haven't let it sink in For three years, we were living together Held me like you'd hold me forever Didn't think that heartbreak would feel like this

From everything to nothing at all From every day to never at all And everyone says that I should be sad Is it normal that

I don't feel sorry for myself Care if your hands touch somebody else Wouldn't get jealous if you're happy It's okay if you forget me I don't feel empty now that you're gone Does that mean it didn't mean nothing at all? But I'll tell you what the worst is It's the way it doesn't hurt When I wish it did

Patience is the thing that I learned from you That some things can feel wrong even though they're true Went through all the hard times together Kept me calm when I'd lose my temper I'm just really grateful that I had you

Ah, here comes the waterfall again. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to cry. 

5 notes • Posted 2021-02-28 10:11:34 GMT

Why do you want to get married?

It’s the wedding szn and a friend of mine asked this question out of the blue “Do you think you wanna get married? I can’t see the purpose of settling down with one person for the rest of our lives”

I pondered for a while and responded,

“Yes, I do, when the time comes. To me, my biggest motivation to get married is to of course, follow the sunnah, make a family, but it is so much more than that. I wanna be able to share my everything with this special someone. I wanna come home from work and have all the tiredness be vanished after seeing that smile and getting a tight hug from my person. I want to pray together, read the quran together, and just help each other become better versions of ourselves while understanding the deen. Having someone to share my stories with and be the person to listen to his stories to is the best feeling ever. Sure, you can tell the stories to your parents, your family, your best friends, but it still feels different. Because you know that that person is your safe haven. No judgements whatsoever, just supporting each other grow indefinitely. Getting and receiving reassurances without having to ask for it. Going through the ups and downs of life together- Just thinking about this and all the adventures we’re gonna take makes my heart flutter already haha. There will be fights but it’s all worth fighting for with the right person. And I don’t think it will be a boring journey because the taaruf session is a long one. And I can’t wait to get to know him better as we go through each day of our togetherness, one day at a time. Loving each other, unconditionally, lillahitaala. ”

She was stunned to hear my answer and said “You make me wanna get married too now! You have changed my perspective so much”. Haha! I hope I’ll be able to find that special someone too to experience all this. But for now, love is just another word without you.