****

“It’s good to see you, Brooks.”

“It’s Cooper-“ Due to the shock, this was the only thing that Riley could mutter. Finally making eye contact, he gave her the refined look of innocence. “My surname is now, Cooper.”

They say that New York City is one of the worlds best places to take a run. Running was never my forte- I impersonated Phoebe in that one episode of Friends. The emotional pain that I felt in this moment, I’m not sure how many miles my body could suffer before shutting down…

“Riley! Wait!”

****

Olivia Nevrakis was never one to leave the house without looking presentable. Her attire generally consisted of stiletto’s which matched anything that contained sequins. She always used to say that she wore these type of shoes for self defence. In the frantic attempt to catch up with Riley, this one time she accepted that sneakers would have to do.

“Where’s, Riley?” Liam questioned as he scrutinised the unusual appearance from their friend.

“I’m glad I’ve found you- I don’t know. I assumed that she came back here, to you both?”

“What do you mean, Olivia?” There was no need for an explanation- the figure that ambled towards them confirmed the reason behind Riley’s disappearance.

“What the fuck is he doing here?”

“It’s a free country, Linz…. Liam, looking good bro!”

“Listen to what I’m about to say, Drake.. I am not your ‘bro’…” Exaggerating the word ‘bro’, Drake took a big gulp as Liam squared up towards him. “If anything happens to Riley- I will kill you this time!”

“You haven’t got it in you, Li-“ The tension between the two old friends, could have exploded due to the overload of built up anger that had been formed over the years. Olivia ‘sacrificed’ herself, separating them both- as they continued providing death stares. Neither wanted to throw the first fist or insult any further- in that moment there was the realisation that they both wanted the same thing. For Riley to be found- safe. Drake stepped back, and to everybody’s surprise expressed a slight bit of remorse.

“I fucked up, Li. I know that. I regret it each and every day. At least she has Preston to look after her, he’s a lucky guy.”

“Preston is an intelligent and caring….” This slight description stabbed Drake in the heart- if given an opportunity Lindsey would continue to dig the ‘knife’ as revenge for the pain that he had caused her sister. “Preston… he’s… The most an amazing three year old.”

“Excuse me?”

“Preston is my nephew- Riley’s son.” Awareness had finally hit, Drake- he had his wires crossed. Wishing that he hadn’t mentioned Preston, the confirmation of his identity now pulled on his heartstrings. Concealing his true feelings, he nodded to the trio- before leaving without another word.

“Lindsey, Liam- myself and Drake… it’s not what you are both assuming. I would never do that to, Ri. I can explain. It was just bad timing.” Olivia pleaded her innocence- she now knew that the jetlag would have to be put on hold whilst she explained the unexpected return of Drake Walker.

****

January 3rd

Let’s try this again. Drama. Life is always full of it in my case. The life of Riley Brooks. It probably would make more entertainment than the Kardashian’s.

Alcohol acts in crazy ways. It affects people differently. It can make you feel invisible- or at least it did for me tonight. I still can’t remember how I had the energy or knowledge on how to get home safely. Walking up the drive, I noticed my snobby and nosey neighbours- Hannah and Neville peering out the window. My brain was informing me to provide them with the middle finger gesture. Instead I gave a friendly neighbour wave along with the biggest fake smile that I could provide. The curtain soon shut as the pair probably scurried away like the rats that they are. What dickheads. If I know Hannah well, I can predict that she will visit tomorrow with a basket full of freshly baked muffins waiting for the tea to be spilled. The women here believe that they are the real life ‘Desperate Housewives’. Riverside may appear to be a seemingly perfect neighbourhood but like Wisteria Lane - here it more than likely also hides; many secrets, crimes, forbidden romances and domestic struggles.

Betrayal. It can occur in different ways. But you never expect it to happen with people whom you loved. The same two people who you trusted with all your heart once upon a time.

My husband is as gorgeous inside as out. I’ve never once caught him looking at another woman. To be honest, I’ve never caught him in a lie- or had proof to prove any potential deceit. So what’s the problem?

“Honey, where are you?”

“I’m upstairs, Nate.”

“Ri, things have been super crazy at work. You have no idea.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. We’re talking post-merger madness. Everyone is just angling for a position. They are all trying to show off for the new boss, you know.” Katrina- fantastic, little miss perfect Katrina. You can say her name, Nate. “She’s great, she wants to do all the things that I want to do- but on a much larger scale.”

“Wow.” Attempting to show a slight bit of interest, Riley didn’t realise how sarcastic that she may have sounded.

“Yeah, people are swarming- but she sees me. She loves me.” Nate noticed that Riley was in a daze, as she didn’t respond to him immediately. Laying next to her, he planted an attentive kiss on her forehead. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. I just miss you.”

“Excuse me. It’s her.” Acting dumb, Riley knew exactly who was on the other line. It’s a bit late for a work business call. “It’s her, my boss…. I won’t be long, Ri…’Katrina, hey! How are you?’” Laughing during his conversation, Riley couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed like that towards her.

The problem for Katrina, Nate Cooper is married to me. Before I met him, I had been contorted into a high percentage of the positions in the Kama sutra. Shouldn’t we all? There was rich guys, poor guys, tattooed guys, the one night stand guys. Any kind of man. Do I sound like a whore?

“We’ll sit down tomorrow just you and I, to discuss it Kat. See you then, bye.” Kat? Pet names now. The old boss was known as Mr Wilson- not by first name terms.

“Told ya, Ri. She loves me.”

“Who doesn’t?” Riley replied again in a sarcastic type of way.

I bet people often wonder why I married some man who was so straight-laced as to say. Honestly, it’s because of all the past encounters- especially, Walker. My nerves were so shot by the time that I had met Nate. As I’ve said previously I was vulnerable. My heart was riding on fumes- the stability that he offered was a soothing balm. At the time, I wanted us to live for a hundred years and die at the exact same moment to avoid any pain. I hoped that our souls would find each other on the other side- if that truly exists. We could fall in love all over again….I just also want to fuck Nate’s brains out, mainly as a distraction from the impromptu night that I have just had. Is that too much to ask?

****

January 4th

Last night or rather this morning was a complete disaster… When you have the urge to fuck your partner- you need to do it there and then, right? Why is it so hard to both be in the mood at the same time once you are married with kids? The way things are at the moment, I feel I’m like a reborn virgin.

“I’m sorry, I forgot to ask. Ioana mentioned that Liam and Lindsey came over. You should have gone out.”

That supportive look that he provided, was the complete opposite of what he would have really expressed. If he knew the truth, the calmness of his voice would be a different matter. Is he a controlling husband? Maybe. Protective- yes. What he doesn’t understand, is that I need to let my hair down once in a blue moon.

“I wasn’t up to it.”

To prevent my lie from being exposed I turned my phone into ‘Do not disturb’ mode.

“Besides, you’re back now….”

I reach down, making the first move. Faking orgasms- does anyone else do this?

“It’s so good.”

“Sorry, Ri- I can’t…. I’m too tired.”

Drake would never do that. He would see to all my needs. Why am I comparing them?

“Pass me the vibrator.”

It’s been nearly two years since Nate went down on me for example. I grew an entire human being in my body in half of that time.

“For fuck sake!”

I feel like screaming, due to the frustration of not only Nate ‘dying’ on me but now B.O.B does it too.

“Fuck it.”

After a slight yawn followed by a stretch, Nate snuggled into Riley-completely oblivious to his wife’s dissatisfaction. “Night baby.”

It wasn’t always like this. As much as children are a blessing- is this the reason that explains the loss of Nate’s libido or is it truly down to his work load? The passion we had has now declined, faded into something that is now virtually non existent. This must be the definition of growing up; getting married and living the family routine with a waning passion. Now I’m starving. Internally screaming at him from inside my mind trying to make us feel - something. Love is a drug, that’s what they say- right? Adrenaline. I can get that feeling again, every time I close my eyes - going back to any one of those nights in the past- I feel it. It’s not some allusive high that I’m chasing- it is - or was, real. That was the other Riley Brooks- the true, me. A wild-child. How can a girl fuck up with every relationship? I don’t know how I manage to do it? Maybe I should have worked on my brief relationship with Liam- my now brother in law. But, that’s a different story which included a poor teenage waitress in a dive bar and Lady Liberty.

****

January 5th

For this entry, I cannot allow for it to be discovered by Nate.

Deceit- the act or practice of deceiving; concealment or distortion of the truth for the purpose of misleading; duplicity; fraud; cheating. For me, today is just not informing my husband about the full truth. It’s in my past and something that I don’t like to ponder about. I’m still living through this nightmare behind closed doors. If he was ever to ask the reasoning behind this date- I have Lindsey as ‘my excuse’. We have previously had a discussion - to get our stories straight if Nate was ever to discover the true events about this day. The fifth of January always creeps up, then it’s gone in an instant- until it reappears each year.

****

Slowly walking up the path, there was the sense of tranquility. Silent neighbours. The slight wind enabled the tree branches to sway in sync.

“Hey, Linz”

“About fucking time, Riley! I’ve been worried sick about you! Are you okay? I’ve tried ringing you-“

“I’ve had no missed-“ Riley soon remembered that she hadn’t deactivated the ‘Do Not Disurb’ mode on her phone.

“I’m fine- I just… every year, we always meet here at the same time. Where are you? Why have you put flowers down without me?”

“That’s what I’m trying to explain, I’m stuck in traffic. I’ve rang you a few times mainly about the delay but also to discuss about you leaving the other night without telling us.”

“Linz, if you didn’t put these flowers here- who did?”

“Riley-“

“Linz, I’ll ring you back.” Sensing company, Riley focused on the shadow hovering over her.

“There’s a bunch of New York’s finest flowers from, Olivia. She wasn’t sure if you wanted to see her or not as you haven’t returned any of her calls. So I offered to bring them…. It’s been too long since I’ve been here, myself.”

The callused hand gently removed the crinkly yet rusty coloured leaves that floated effortlessly in-front of them.

“The teddy is a gift from me. I hope that you don’t mind?”

Reaching out to the bear, Riley pulled it close to her chest- holding it tightly, it felt to her as if the world had just crashed. Again. The defence mechanisms that she would usually excel in, were now paper thin. Before she could have reacted, his hands gently drew her closer towards him as he knelt down to her level.

“Please…. Don’t touch me. I’m fine.”

The heat from this touch rapidly creeps into my consciousness - needing to pull away, I couldn’t. It’s like a magnet, drawing us closer- unable to separate this unexpected bond. Pulling his head back, he ran his hand through my hair before gently wiping away the tears that were now everlasting.

“You clearly aren’t fine, which is understandable. If you want me to go, I will.”

As I sink further into his torso attempting to hide my emotions, I inhale his aftershave- which has now sent me into a coma. My heart and brain have different scenarios imaged in my mind. What am I doing?

“You have a right to be here as much anyone- Drake.”

- - -

Jackson

Our sleeping angel

01/05/2014

Sweet little flower

Of heavenly birth

You were too precious

To bloom on earth

****

“It’s good to see you, Brooks.”

“It’s Cooper-“ Due to the shock, this was the only thing that Riley could mutter. Finally making eye contact, he gave her the refined look of innocence. “My surname is now, Cooper.”

They say that New York City is one of the worlds best places to take a run. Running was never my forte- I impersonated Phoebe in that one episode of Friends. The emotional pain that I felt in this moment, I’m not sure how many miles my body could suffer before shutting down…

“Riley! Wait!”

****

Olivia Nevrakis was never one to leave the house without looking presentable. Her attire generally consisted of stiletto’s which matched anything that contained sequins. She always used to say that she wore these type of shoes for self defence. In the frantic attempt to catch up with Riley, this one time she accepted that sneakers would have to do.

“Where’s, Riley?” Liam questioned as he scrutinised the unusual appearance from their friend.

“I’m glad I’ve found you- I don’t know. I assumed that she came back here, to you both?”

“What do you mean, Olivia?” There was no need for an explanation- the figure that ambled towards them confirmed the reason behind Riley’s disappearance.

“What the fuck is he doing here?”

“It’s a free country, Linz…. Liam, looking good bro!”

“Listen to what I’m about to say, Drake.. I am not your ‘bro’…” Exaggerating the word ‘bro’, Drake took a big gulp as Liam squared up towards him. “If anything happens to Riley- I will kill you this time!”

“You haven’t got it in you, Li-“ The tension between the two old friends, could have exploded due to the overload of built up anger that had been formed over the years. Olivia ‘sacrificed’ herself, separating them both- as they continued providing death stares. Neither wanted to throw the first fist or insult any further- in that moment there was the realisation that they both wanted the same thing. For Riley to be found- safe. Drake stepped back, and to everybody’s surprise expressed a slight bit of remorse.

“I fucked up, Li. I know that. I regret it each and every day. At least she has Preston to look after her, he’s a lucky guy.”

“Preston is an intelligent and caring….” This slight description stabbed Drake in the heart- if given an opportunity Lindsey would continue to dig the ‘knife’ as revenge for the pain that he had caused her sister. “Preston… he’s… The most an amazing three year old.”

“Excuse me?”

“Preston is my nephew- Riley’s son.” Awareness had finally hit, Drake- he had his wires crossed. Wishing that he hadn’t mentioned Preston, the confirmation of his identity now pulled on his heartstrings. Concealing his true feelings, he nodded to the trio- before leaving without another word.

“Lindsey, Liam- myself and Drake… it’s not what you are both assuming. I would never do that to, Ri. I can explain. It was just bad timing.” Olivia pleaded her innocence- she now knew that the jetlag would have to be put on hold whilst she explained the unexpected return of Drake Walker.

****

January 3rd

Let’s try this again. Drama. Life is always full of it in my case. The life of Riley Brooks. It probably would make more entertainment than the Kardashian’s.

Alcohol acts in crazy ways. It affects people differently. It can make you feel invisible- or at least it did for me tonight. I still can’t remember how I had the energy or knowledge on how to get home safely. Walking up the drive, I noticed my snobby and nosey neighbours- Hannah and Neville peering out the window. My brain was informing me to provide them with the middle finger gesture. Instead I gave a friendly neighbour wave along with the biggest fake smile that I could provide. The curtain soon shut as the pair probably scurried away like the rats that they are. What dickheads. If I know Hannah well, I can predict that she will visit tomorrow with a basket full of freshly baked muffins waiting for the tea to be spilled. The women here believe that they are the real life ‘Desperate Housewives’. Riverside may appear to be a seemingly perfect neighbourhood but like Wisteria Lane - here it more than likely also hides; many secrets, crimes, forbidden romances and domestic struggles.

Betrayal. It can occur in different ways. But you never expect it to happen with people whom you loved. The same two people who you trusted with all your heart once upon a time.

My husband is as gorgeous inside as out. I’ve never once caught him looking at another woman. To be honest, I’ve never caught him in a lie- or had proof to prove any potential deceit. So what’s the problem?

“Honey, where are you?”

“I’m upstairs, Nate.”

“Ri, things have been super crazy at work. You have no idea.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. We’re talking post-merger madness. Everyone is just angling for a position. They are all trying to show off for the new boss, you know.” Katrina- fantastic, little miss perfect Katrina. You can say her name, Nate. “She’s great, she wants to do all the things that I want to do- but on a much larger scale.”

“Wow.” Attempting to show a slight bit of interest, Riley didn’t realise how sarcastic that she may have sounded.

“Yeah, people are swarming- but she sees me. She loves me.” Nate noticed that Riley was in a daze, as she didn’t respond to him immediately. Laying next to her, he planted an attentive kiss on her forehead. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. I just miss you.”

“Excuse me. It’s her.” Acting dumb, Riley knew exactly who was on the other line. It’s a bit late for a work business call. “It’s her, my boss…. I won’t be long, Ri…’Katrina, hey! How are you?’” Laughing during his conversation, Riley couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed like that towards her.

The problem for Katrina, Nate Cooper is married to me. Before I met him, I had been contorted into a high percentage of the positions in the Kama sutra. Shouldn’t we all? There was rich guys, poor guys, tattooed guys, the one night stand guys. Any kind of man. Do I sound like a whore?

“We’ll sit down tomorrow just you and I, to discuss it Kat. See you then, bye.” Kat? Pet names now. The old boss was known as Mr Wilson- not by first name terms.

“Told ya, Ri. She loves me.”

“Who doesn’t?” Riley replied again in a sarcastic type of way.

I bet people often wonder why I married some man who was so straight-laced as to say. Honestly, it’s because of all the past encounters- especially, Walker. My nerves were so shot by the time that I had met Nate. As I’ve said previously I was vulnerable. My heart was riding on fumes- the stability that he offered was a soothing balm. At the time, I wanted us to live for a hundred years and die at the exact same moment to avoid any pain. I hoped that our souls would find each other on the other side- if that truly exists. We could fall in love all over again….I just also want to fuck Nate’s brains out, mainly as a distraction from the impromptu night that I have just had. Is that too much to ask?

****

January 4th

Last night or rather this morning was a complete disaster… When you have the urge to fuck your partner- you need to do it there and then, right? Why is it so hard to both be in the mood at the same time once you are married with kids? The way things are at the moment, I feel I’m like a reborn virgin.

“I’m sorry, I forgot to ask. Ioana mentioned that Liam and Lindsey came over. You should have gone out.”

That supportive look that he provided, was the complete opposite of what he would have really expressed. If he knew the truth, the calmness of his voice would be a different matter. Is he a controlling husband? Maybe. Protective- yes. What he doesn’t understand, is that I need to let my hair down once in a blue moon.

“I wasn’t up to it.”

To prevent my lie from being exposed I turned my phone into ‘Do not disturb’ mode.

“Besides, you’re back now….”

I reach down, making the first move. Faking orgasms- does anyone else do this?

“It’s so good.”

“Sorry, Ri- I can’t…. I’m too tired.”

Drake would never do that. He would see to all my needs. Why am I comparing them?

“Pass me the vibrator.”

It’s been nearly two years since Nate went down on me for example. I grew an entire human being in my body in half of that time.

“For fuck sake!”

I feel like screaming, due to the frustration of not only Nate ‘dying’ on me but now B.O.B does it too.

“Fuck it.”

After a slight yawn followed by a stretch, Nate snuggled into Riley-completely oblivious to his wife’s dissatisfaction. “Night baby.”

It wasn’t always like this. As much as children are a blessing- is this the reason that explains the loss of Nate’s libido or is it truly down to his work load? The passion we had has now declined, faded into something that is now virtually non existent. This must be the definition of growing up; getting married and living the family routine with a waning passion. Now I’m starving. Internally screaming at him from inside my mind trying to make us feel - something. Love is a drug, that’s what they say- right? Adrenaline. I can get that feeling again, every time I close my eyes - going back to any one of those nights in the past- I feel it. It’s not some allusive high that I’m chasing- it is - or was, real. That was the other Riley Brooks- the true, me. A wild-child. How can a girl fuck up with every relationship? I don’t know how I manage to do it? Maybe I should have worked on my brief relationship with Liam- my now brother in law. But, that’s a different story which included a poor teenage waitress in a dive bar and Lady Liberty.

****

January 5th

For this entry, I cannot allow for it to be discovered by Nate.

Deceit- the act or practice of deceiving; concealment or distortion of the truth for the purpose of misleading; duplicity; fraud; cheating. For me, today is just not informing my husband about the full truth. It’s in my past and something that I don’t like to ponder about. I’m still living through this nightmare behind closed doors. If he was ever to ask the reasoning behind this date- I have Lindsey as ‘my excuse’. We have previously had a discussion - to get our stories straight if Nate was ever to discover the true events about this day. The fifth of January always creeps up, then it’s gone in an instant- until it reappears each year.

****

Slowly walking up the path, there was the sense of tranquility. Silent neighbours. The slight wind enabled the tree branches to sway in sync.

“Hey, Linz”

“About fucking time, Riley! I’ve been worried sick about you! Are you okay? I’ve tried ringing you-“

“I’ve had no missed-“ Riley soon remembered that she hadn’t deactivated the ‘Do Not Disurb’ mode on her phone.

“I’m fine- I just… every year, we always meet here at the same time. Where are you? Why have you put flowers down without me?”

“That’s what I’m trying to explain, I’m stuck in traffic. I’ve rang you a few times mainly about the delay but also to discuss about you leaving the other night without telling us.”

“Linz, if you didn’t put these flowers here- who did?”

“Riley-“

“Linz, I’ll ring you back.” Sensing company, Riley focused on the shadow hovering over her.

“There’s a bunch of New York’s finest flowers from, Olivia. She wasn’t sure if you wanted to see her or not as you haven’t returned any of her calls. So I offered to bring them…. It’s been too long since I’ve been here, myself.”

The callused hand gently removed the crinkly yet rusty coloured leaves that floated effortlessly in-front of them.

“The teddy is a gift from me. I hope that you don’t mind?”

Reaching out to the bear, Riley pulled it close to her chest- holding it tightly, it felt to her as if the world had just crashed. Again. The defence mechanisms that she would usually excel in, were now paper thin. Before she could have reacted, his hands gently drew her closer towards him as he knelt down to her level.

“Please…. Don’t touch me. I’m fine.”

The heat from this touch rapidly creeps into my consciousness - needing to pull away, I couldn’t. It’s like a magnet, drawing us closer- unable to separate this unexpected bond. Pulling his head back, he ran his hand through my hair before gently wiping away the tears that were now everlasting.

“You clearly aren’t fine, which is understandable. If you want me to go, I will.”

As I sink further into his torso attempting to hide my emotions, I inhale his aftershave- which has now sent me into a coma. My heart and brain have different scenarios imaged in my mind. What am I doing?

“You have a right to be here as much anyone- Drake.”

- - -

Jackson

Our sleeping angel

01/05/2014

Sweet little flower

Of heavenly birth

You were too precious

To bloom on earth

****

“It’s good to see you, Brooks.”

“It’s Cooper-“ Due to the shock, this was the only thing that Riley could mutter. Finally making eye contact, he gave her the refined look of innocence. “My surname is now, Cooper.”

They say that New York City is one of the worlds best places to take a run. Running was never my forte- I impersonated Phoebe in that one episode of Friends. The emotional pain that I felt in this moment, I’m not sure how many miles my body could suffer before shutting down…

“Riley! Wait!”

****

Olivia Nevrakis was never one to leave the house without looking presentable. Her attire generally consisted of stiletto’s which matched anything that contained sequins. She always used to say that she wore these type of shoes for self defence. In the frantic attempt to catch up with Riley, this one time she accepted that sneakers would have to do.

“Where’s, Riley?” Liam questioned as he scrutinised the unusual appearance from their friend.

“I’m glad I’ve found you- I don’t know. I assumed that she came back here, to you both?”

“What do you mean, Olivia?” There was no need for an explanation- the figure that ambled towards them confirmed the reason behind Riley’s disappearance.

“What the fuck is he doing here?”

“It’s a free country, Linz…. Liam, looking good bro!”

“Listen to what I’m about to say, Drake.. I am not your ‘bro’…” Exaggerating the word ‘bro’, Drake took a big gulp as Liam squared up towards him. “If anything happens to Riley- I will kill you this time!”

“You haven’t got it in you, Li-“ The tension between the two old friends, could have exploded due to the overload of built up anger that had been formed over the years. Olivia ‘sacrificed’ herself, separating them both- as they continued providing death stares. Neither wanted to throw the first fist or insult any further- in that moment there was the realisation that they both wanted the same thing. For Riley to be found- safe. Drake stepped back, and to everybody’s surprise expressed a slight bit of remorse.

“I fucked up, Li. I know that. I regret it each and every day. At least she has Preston to look after her, he’s a lucky guy.”

“Preston is an intelligent and caring….” This slight description stabbed Drake in the heart- if given an opportunity Lindsey would continue to dig the ‘knife’ as revenge for the pain that he had caused her sister. “Preston… he’s… The most an amazing three year old.”

“Excuse me?”

“Preston is my nephew- Riley’s son.” Awareness had finally hit, Drake- he had his wires crossed. Wishing that he hadn’t mentioned Preston, the confirmation of his identity now pulled on his heartstrings. Concealing his true feelings, he nodded to the trio- before leaving without another word.

“Lindsey, Liam- myself and Drake… it’s not what you are both assuming. I would never do that to, Ri. I can explain. It was just bad timing.” Olivia pleaded her innocence- she now knew that the jetlag would have to be put on hold whilst she explained the unexpected return of Drake Walker.

****

January 3rd

Let’s try this again. Drama. Life is always full of it in my case. The life of Riley Brooks. It probably would make more entertainment than the Kardashian’s.

Alcohol acts in crazy ways. It affects people differently. It can make you feel invisible- or at least it did for me tonight. I still can’t remember how I had the energy or knowledge on how to get home safely. Walking up the drive, I noticed my snobby and nosey neighbours- Hannah and Neville peering out the window. My brain was informing me to provide them with the middle finger gesture. Instead I gave a friendly neighbour wave along with the biggest fake smile that I could provide. The curtain soon shut as the pair probably scurried away like the rats that they are. What dickheads. If I know Hannah well, I can predict that she will visit tomorrow with a basket full of freshly baked muffins waiting for the tea to be spilled. The women here believe that they are the real life ‘Desperate Housewives’. Riverside may appear to be a seemingly perfect neighbourhood but like Wisteria Lane - here it more than likely also hides; many secrets, crimes, forbidden romances and domestic struggles.

Betrayal. It can occur in different ways. But you never expect it to happen with people whom you loved. The same two people who you trusted with all your heart once upon a time.

My husband is as gorgeous inside as out. I’ve never once caught him looking at another woman. To be honest, I’ve never caught him in a lie- or had proof to prove any potential deceit. So what’s the problem?

“Honey, where are you?”

“I’m upstairs, Nate.”

“Ri, things have been super crazy at work. You have no idea.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. We’re talking post-merger madness. Everyone is just angling for a position. They are all trying to show off for the new boss, you know.” Katrina- fantastic, little miss perfect Katrina. You can say her name, Nate. “She’s great, she wants to do all the things that I want to do- but on a much larger scale.”

“Wow.” Attempting to show a slight bit of interest, Riley didn’t realise how sarcastic that she may have sounded.

“Yeah, people are swarming- but she sees me. She loves me.” Nate noticed that Riley was in a daze, as she didn’t respond to him immediately. Laying next to her, he planted an attentive kiss on her forehead. “What’s up?”

“Nothing. I just miss you.”

“Excuse me. It’s her.” Acting dumb, Riley knew exactly who was on the other line. It’s a bit late for a work business call. “It’s her, my boss…. I won’t be long, Ri…’Katrina, hey! How are you?’” Laughing during his conversation, Riley couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed like that towards her.

The problem for Katrina, Nate Cooper is married to me. Before I met him, I had been contorted into a high percentage of the positions in the Kama sutra. Shouldn’t we all? There was rich guys, poor guys, tattooed guys, the one night stand guys. Any kind of man. Do I sound like a whore?

“We’ll sit down tomorrow just you and I, to discuss it Kat. See you then, bye.” Kat? Pet names now. The old boss was known as Mr Wilson- not by first name terms.

“Told ya, Ri. She loves me.”

“Who doesn’t?” Riley replied again in a sarcastic type of way.

I bet people often wonder why I married some man who was so straight-laced as to say. Honestly, it’s because of all the past encounters- especially, Walker. My nerves were so shot by the time that I had met Nate. As I’ve said previously I was vulnerable. My heart was riding on fumes- the stability that he offered was a soothing balm. At the time, I wanted us to live for a hundred years and die at the exact same moment to avoid any pain. I hoped that our souls would find each other on the other side- if that truly exists. We could fall in love all over again….I just also want to fuck Nate’s brains out, mainly as a distraction from the impromptu night that I have just had. Is that too much to ask?

****

January 4th

Last night or rather this morning was a complete disaster… When you have the urge to fuck your partner- you need to do it there and then, right? Why is it so hard to both be in the mood at the same time once you are married with kids? The way things are at the moment, I feel I’m like a reborn virgin.

“I’m sorry, I forgot to ask. Ioana mentioned that Liam and Lindsey came over. You should have gone out.”

That supportive look that he provided, was the complete opposite of what he would have really expressed. If he knew the truth, the calmness of his voice would be a different matter. Is he a controlling husband? Maybe. Protective- yes. What he doesn’t understand, is that I need to let my hair down once in a blue moon.

“I wasn’t up to it.”

To prevent my lie from being exposed I turned my phone into ‘Do not disturb’ mode.

“Besides, you’re back now….”

I reach down, making the first move. Faking orgasms- does anyone else do this?

“It’s so good.”

“Sorry, Ri- I can’t…. I’m too tired.”

Drake would never do that. He would see to all my needs. Why am I comparing them?

“Pass me the vibrator.”

It’s been nearly two years since Nate went down on me for example. I grew an entire human being in my body in half of that time.

“For fuck sake!”

I feel like screaming, due to the frustration of not only Nate ‘dying’ on me but now B.O.B does it too.

“Fuck it.”

After a slight yawn followed by a stretch, Nate snuggled into Riley-completely oblivious to his wife’s dissatisfaction. “Night baby.”

It wasn’t always like this. As much as children are a blessing- is this the reason that explains the loss of Nate’s libido or is it truly down to his work load? The passion we had has now declined, faded into something that is now virtually non existent. This must be the definition of growing up; getting married and living the family routine with a waning passion. Now I’m starving. Internally screaming at him from inside my mind trying to make us feel - something. Love is a drug, that’s what they say- right? Adrenaline. I can get that feeling again, every time I close my eyes - going back to any one of those nights in the past- I feel it. It’s not some allusive high that I’m chasing- it is - or was, real. That was the other Riley Brooks- the true, me. A wild-child. How can a girl fuck up with every relationship? I don’t know how I manage to do it? Maybe I should have worked on my brief relationship with Liam- my now brother in law. But, that’s a different story which included a poor teenage waitress in a dive bar and Lady Liberty.

****

January 5th

For this entry, I cannot allow for it to be discovered by Nate.

Deceit- the act or practice of deceiving; concealment or distortion of the truth for the purpose of misleading; duplicity; fraud; cheating. For me, today is just not informing my husband about the full truth. It’s in my past and something that I don’t like to ponder about. I’m still living through this nightmare behind closed doors. If he was ever to ask the reasoning behind this date- I have Lindsey as ‘my excuse’. We have previously had a discussion - to get our stories straight if Nate was ever to discover the true events about this day. The fifth of January always creeps up, then it’s gone in an instant- until it reappears each year.

****

Slowly walking up the path, there was the sense of tranquility. Silent neighbours. The slight wind enabled the tree branches to sway in sync.

“Hey, Linz”

“About fucking time, Riley! I’ve been worried sick about you! Are you okay? I’ve tried ringing you-“

“I’ve had no missed-“ Riley soon remembered that she hadn’t deactivated the ‘Do Not Disurb’ mode on her phone.

“I’m fine- I just… every year, we always meet here at the same time. Where are you? Why have you put flowers down without me?”

“That’s what I’m trying to explain, I’m stuck in traffic. I’ve rang you a few times mainly about the delay but also to discuss about you leaving the other night without telling us.”

“Linz, if you didn’t put these flowers here- who did?”

“Riley-“

“Linz, I’ll ring you back.” Sensing company, Riley focused on the shadow hovering over her.

“There’s a bunch of New York’s finest flowers from, Olivia. She wasn’t sure if you wanted to see her or not as you haven’t returned any of her calls. So I offered to bring them…. It’s been too long since I’ve been here, myself.”

The callused hand gently removed the crinkly yet rusty coloured leaves that floated effortlessly in-front of them.

“The teddy is a gift from me. I hope that you don’t mind?”

Reaching out to the bear, Riley pulled it close to her chest- holding it tightly, it felt to her as if the world had just crashed. Again. The defence mechanisms that she would usually excel in, were now paper thin. Before she could have reacted, his hands gently drew her closer towards him as he knelt down to her level.

“Please…. Don’t touch me. I’m fine.”

The heat from this touch rapidly creeps into my consciousness - needing to pull away, I couldn’t. It’s like a magnet, drawing us closer- unable to separate this unexpected bond. Pulling his head back, he ran his hand through my hair before gently wiping away the tears that were now everlasting.

“You clearly aren’t fine, which is understandable. If you want me to go, I will.”

As I sink further into his torso attempting to hide my emotions, I inhale his aftershave- which has now sent me into a coma. My heart and brain have different scenarios imaged in my mind. What am I doing?

“You have a right to be here as much anyone- Drake.”

- - -

Jackson

Our sleeping angel

01/05/2014

Sweet little flower

Of heavenly birth

You were too precious

To bloom on earth

****

January 3rd

New year. New start? No. Same shit, different year. It hasn’t always been ‘bad’ though.

There was a time in my life where I was; wild, fun, happy. I was living the time of my life. As if there was no tomorrow. No worries. Anxiety- what anxiety? No sleep. It didn’t matter to me. Caffeine was my best friend as well as Liv. Both getting me through each day. Thinking back to those days- I was vulnerable. The reason why… HIM.

The man who has not been named ‘out loud’ in nearly a decade. However, just recently the memories keep flooding in my mind. I’m not sure why? As much as I try to erase them, they return immediately. Today I spent the afternoon vacantly staring at my child as he caused chaos around me. Typical toddler, some may suggest. My boy- he was…is, a blessing. To begin with, I wasn’t sure if I could be a mother. Half of the time, I’m surprised that I’ve managed to look after myself all of these years. Motherhood- that was never a high priority in my future when I imagined my fairytale life in my adolescence. Honestly, my only goal in life was to achieve my PHD in Psychology. Oh, how that went ‘tits up’.

My husband- he was my saviour five years ago. Most of our close friends and family assumed that Nate was just a rebound. Deep down, I probably believed that too back then. However, he proved everyone wrong- including myself. For the last five years he’s provided for me but for also for Preston. Most people would think that I sound ungrateful for the life that I have. Maybe I am?

The majority would dream for what I have; the wonderful house outside the city. The opportunity to not have to work for now- the life of a typical housewife. The privilege to own nice yet expensive cars due to Nate’s promotion. And not forgetting the support from Preston’s nanny- Ioana. Why isn’t all of this enough for me? I often think…What if, I had never agreed to that coffee date with Nate on our first meeting? Would my life have been any different? Could I have rekindled with the man who made me feel invisible- electrified? The intimacy with him. God, I miss it. I miss him. Back then, I was caught up in the euphoria of the moment. ‘For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, to love and cherish, until parted by death’ I keep reminding myself about the vows that we made- ‘I am happily married’. But, is that true?

“Shit!” Looking at her watch, Riley realised that the day had rapidly disappeared. Nate could be returning home at any point.

“Mommy, you….”

“I know, Preston. I’m sorry I said a naughty word.” Scrutinising the mess surrounding them- Riley deleted all of what she had noted down, before rushing around like a headless chicken in her night wear still. Hearing the door open, she panicked slightly before recognising the familiar face. Phew.

“Excuse me, Miss Riley- but your sister and Mr Liam have just got here. I can take Preston for his bath if you’d like?”

Shit.

“Erm, Ioana- let them in, I’ll quickly run upstairs and make myself decent. Preston, honey- why don’t you show Ioana the train track that we made earlier on? It’s amazing isn’t it?”

“Okay, Mommy.”

“I don’t know why they are here?!” Ioana provided a soft smile towards Riley as she mouthed this and guested that she would be one minute.

Running back downstairs dodging the washing and stray toys, Riley realised that she had two missed calls and voicemails.

Hey, girl.

Sorry I didn’t return your call earlier on. It’s been a busy crazy day. I’m back in the city- you sounded a bit upset on the voicemail. Meet up, tomorrow? Let me know.

Hello beautiful,

Just to let you know, I’m running slightly behind tonight. Emergency meeting with Katrina and ‘the big boy bosses’. I hopefully won’t be too long. I will grab some food at work- just see to yourself and Preston. Love you.

“Nothing new there, then. Working late again wasn’t expecting that at all- oh silly, me. He’s probably so far up her arse…..”

“Riley.” Lindsey shouted interrupting her sisters negative thoughts regarding her husband and his new boss.

“Hey guys. Sorry about the mess. Erm… it was Nate’s first day back at work and myself and Preston are still in the holiday mood. We still need to get back into the normal routine… anyway…. What are you doing here?” Lindsey and Liam gave each other a look- they both didn’t know how to ‘sweet talk’ the discussion that they needed to have with Riley.

“Well… we haven’t seen you since Christmas. So we thought that we’d pay you a visit.”

“It was less than two weeks ago, we’ve gone months without seeing each other before.”

“Erm…” Lindsey stuttered which encouraged Liam to continue the conversation. “Well we know that Nate is working longer hours now- we know that you have Ioana for company but if you wanted a different change of scenery…. We are here. Always.” Focusing her attention towards her sister instead of Liam - Lindsey provided a sheepish smile towards Riley.

“Linz you’ve always been a rubbish liar. What’s the real reason as to why you’ve spontaneously shown up here?”

“Ioana, are you okay looking after Preston for a couple of extra hours whilst we take Riley to the city? Mommy’s night off. I believe she deserves it?”

“Of course, Mr Liam. That is no problem. I agree, Miss Riley should go and enjoy herself.”

****

New York is a city of diversity and dynamism. As well as a city of politics, economy and culture. Even though I don’t live within the city anymore- this is home. The natural feeling of ‘home’ occurs every time that I enter the city. Each corner has a different story to tell. Mixed emotions. Memories both bad and good that will last a lifetime.

To begin with- Riley kept looking over her shoulder in the bars that the trio had entered. Was there some hope that she could see him? If there was to be an unexpected meeting she wasn’t quite sure on how to react. Due to anxiety and nerves - Riley began to take advantage of the alcohol as well as the child free night. The last known location for the man in question was California. Because of this she began to let her hair loose - something which pleased Lindsey but also worried her at the same time.

“Liv’s flat is literally next door. I’ll just go and surprise her and see if she wants to join us, okay?”

“Okay, we’ll get you both a drink. Gin and tonic?” Liam asked.

“No, make it two JD and cokes. It’s what myself and Liv always had during our… fun… days. Nights. Mornings…. I’ll be two minutes.”

“Liam- JD and coke, minus the JD for Ri.” Lindsey whispered to her husband, as they watched Riley enter the flat safely.

“I think she will need a coffee rather than fizzy pop to attempt to conceal the alcohol consumption from Nate. When Riley returns with or without Liv we are telling her the truth, Linz. Olivia will be the extra support that she may require.”

****

“Surprise!”

“Ri… what are you doing here? I suggested to meet up tomorrow on the voicemail.”

“Yeah I know, but….” Stumbling against the wall, Olivia stepped out quickly shutting the door quietly.

“Are you drunk?”

“No! Maybe. Only, slightly.” Shrugging her shoulders, she knew that Nate would berate her for being in this position. However, she didn’t care for now.

“Anyway Linz and Liam sort of dragged me out to the city- because I can never get out, I thought you could join me- us. Like old times…. But obviously old times were just you and I. It’ll be fun though…. I need to talk to you anyway…. I’ve been having these weird dreams. Memories keep rushing back of me and him….” Before Riley could continue with her word vomit - Olivia prevented her from continuing.

“Now isn’t a good time….I’m still jet-lagged from Paris. Tomorrow would better, honey. For me. I can come to you… or you could come back to the city with Preston. Whichever is easier….”

“Who’s Preston?” Standing frozen as if she had seen a ghost, Riley’s brain began to shrivel and not function properly. “I’m assuming he’s the new lucky man in your life?” Not responding to the questions- Riley couldn’t distinguish reality from fantasy.

****

January 3rd

New year. New start? No. Same shit, different year. It hasn’t always been ‘bad’ though.

There was a time in my life where I was; wild, fun, happy. I was living the time of my life. As if there was no tomorrow. No worries. Anxiety- what anxiety? No sleep. It didn’t matter to me. Caffeine was my best friend as well as Liv. Both getting me through each day. Thinking back to those days- I was vulnerable. The reason why… HIM.

The man who has not been named ‘out loud’ in nearly a decade. However, just recently the memories keep flooding in my mind. I’m not sure why? As much as I try to erase them, they return immediately. Today I spent the afternoon vacantly staring at my child as he caused chaos around me. Typical toddler, some may suggest. My boy- he was…is, a blessing. To begin with, I wasn’t sure if I could be a mother. Half of the time, I’m surprised that I’ve managed to look after myself all of these years. Motherhood- that was never a high priority in my future when I imagined my fairytale life in my adolescence. Honestly, my only goal in life was to achieve my PHD in Psychology. Oh, how that went ‘tits up’.

My husband- he was my saviour five years ago. Most of our close friends and family assumed that Nate was just a rebound. Deep down, I probably believed that too back then. However, he proved everyone wrong- including myself. For the last five years he’s provided for me but for also for Preston. Most people would think that I sound ungrateful for the life that I have. Maybe I am?

The majority would dream for what I have; the wonderful house outside the city. The opportunity to not have to work for now- the life of a typical housewife. The privilege to own nice yet expensive cars due to Nate’s promotion. And not forgetting the support from Preston’s nanny- Ioana. Why isn’t all of this enough for me? I often think…What if, I had never agreed to that coffee date with Nate on our first meeting? Would my life have been any different? Could I have rekindled with the man who made me feel invisible- electrified? The intimacy with him. God, I miss it. I miss him. Back then, I was caught up in the euphoria of the moment. ‘For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, to love and cherish, until parted by death’ I keep reminding myself about the vows that we made- ‘I am happily married’. But, is that true?

“Shit!” Looking at her watch, Riley realised that the day had rapidly disappeared. Nate could be returning home at any point.

“Mommy, you….”

“I know, Preston. I’m sorry I said a naughty word.” Scrutinising the mess surrounding them- Riley deleted all of what she had noted down, before rushing around like a headless chicken in her night wear still. Hearing the door open, she panicked slightly before recognising the familiar face. Phew.

“Excuse me, Miss Riley- but your sister and Mr Liam have just got here. I can take Preston for his bath if you’d like?”

Shit.

“Erm, Ioana- let them in, I’ll quickly run upstairs and make myself decent. Preston, honey- why don’t you show Ioana the train track that we made earlier on? It’s amazing isn’t it?”

“Okay, Mommy.”

“I don’t know why they are here?!” Ioana provided a soft smile towards Riley as she mouthed this and guested that she would be one minute.

Running back downstairs dodging the washing and stray toys, Riley realised that she had two missed calls and voicemails.

Hey, girl.

Sorry I didn’t return your call earlier on. It’s been a busy crazy day. I’m back in the city- you sounded a bit upset on the voicemail. Meet up, tomorrow? Let me know.

Hello beautiful,

Just to let you know, I’m running slightly behind tonight. Emergency meeting with Katrina and ‘the big boy bosses’. I hopefully won’t be too long. I will grab some food at work- just see to yourself and Preston. Love you.

“Nothing new there, then. Working late again wasn’t expecting that at all- oh silly, me. He’s probably so far up her arse…..”

“Riley.” Lindsey shouted interrupting her sisters negative thoughts regarding her husband and his new boss.

“Hey guys. Sorry about the mess. Erm… it was Nate’s first day back at work and myself and Preston are still in the holiday mood. We still need to get back into the normal routine… anyway…. What are you doing here?” Lindsey and Liam gave each other a look- they both didn’t know how to ‘sweet talk’ the discussion that they needed to have with Riley.

“Well… we haven’t seen you since Christmas. So we thought that we’d pay you a visit.”

“It was less than two weeks ago, we’ve gone months without seeing each other before.”

“Erm…” Lindsey stuttered which encouraged Liam to continue the conversation. “Well we know that Nate is working longer hours now- we know that you have Ioana for company but if you wanted a different change of scenery…. We are here. Always.” Focusing her attention towards her sister instead of Liam - Lindsey provided a sheepish smile towards Riley.

“Linz you’ve always been a rubbish liar. What’s the real reason as to why you’ve spontaneously shown up here?”

“Ioana, are you okay looking after Preston for a couple of extra hours whilst we take Riley to the city? Mommy’s night off. I believe she deserves it?”

“Of course, Mr Liam. That is no problem. I agree, Miss Riley should go and enjoy herself.”

****

New York is a city of diversity and dynamism. As well as a city of politics, economy and culture. Even though I don’t live within the city anymore- this is home. The natural feeling of ‘home’ occurs every time that I enter the city. Each corner has a different story to tell. Mixed emotions. Memories both bad and good that will last a lifetime.

To begin with- Riley kept looking over her shoulder in the bars that the trio had entered. Was there some hope that she could see him? If there was to be an unexpected meeting she wasn’t quite sure on how to react. Due to anxiety and nerves - Riley began to take advantage of the alcohol as well as the child free night. The last known location for the man in question was California. Because of this she began to let her hair loose - something which pleased Lindsey but also worried her at the same time.

“Liv’s flat is literally next door. I’ll just go and surprise her and see if she wants to join us, okay?”

“Okay, we’ll get you both a drink. Gin and tonic?” Liam asked.

“No, make it two JD and cokes. It’s what myself and Liv always had during our… fun… days. Nights. Mornings…. I’ll be two minutes.”

“Liam- JD and coke, minus the JD for Ri.” Lindsey whispered to her husband, as they watched Riley enter the flat safely.

“I think she will need a coffee rather than fizzy pop to attempt to conceal the alcohol consumption from Nate. When Riley returns with or without Liv we are telling her the truth, Linz. Olivia will be the extra support that she may require.”

****

“Surprise!”

“Ri… what are you doing here? I suggested to meet up tomorrow on the voicemail.”

“Yeah I know, but….” Stumbling against the wall, Olivia stepped out quickly shutting the door quietly.

“Are you drunk?”

“No! Maybe. Only, slightly.” Shrugging her shoulders, she knew that Nate would berate her for being in this position. However, she didn’t care for now.

“Anyway Linz and Liam sort of dragged me out to the city- because I can never get out, I thought you could join me- us. Like old times…. But obviously old times were just you and I. It’ll be fun though…. I need to talk to you anyway…. I’ve been having these weird dreams. Memories keep rushing back of me and him….” Before Riley could continue with her word vomit - Olivia prevented her from continuing.

“Now isn’t a good time….I’m still jet-lagged from Paris. Tomorrow would better, honey. For me. I can come to you… or you could come back to the city with Preston. Whichever is easier….”

“Who’s Preston?” Standing frozen as if she had seen a ghost, Riley’s brain began to shrivel and not function properly. “I’m assuming he’s the new lucky man in your life?” Not responding to the questions- Riley couldn’t distinguish reality from fantasy.

****

January 3rd

New year. New start? No. Same shit, different year. It hasn’t always been ‘bad’ though.

There was a time in my life where I was; wild, fun, happy. I was living the time of my life. As if there was no tomorrow. No worries. Anxiety- what anxiety? No sleep. It didn’t matter to me. Caffeine was my best friend as well as Liv. Both getting me through each day. Thinking back to those days- I was vulnerable. The reason why… HIM.

The man who has not been named ‘out loud’ in nearly a decade. However, just recently the memories keep flooding in my mind. I’m not sure why? As much as I try to erase them, they return immediately. Today I spent the afternoon vacantly staring at my child as he caused chaos around me. Typical toddler, some may suggest. My boy- he was…is, a blessing. To begin with, I wasn’t sure if I could be a mother. Half of the time, I’m surprised that I’ve managed to look after myself all of these years. Motherhood- that was never a high priority in my future when I imagined my fairytale life in my adolescence. Honestly, my only goal in life was to achieve my PHD in Psychology. Oh, how that went ‘tits up’.

My husband- he was my saviour five years ago. Most of our close friends and family assumed that Nate was just a rebound. Deep down, I probably believed that too back then. However, he proved everyone wrong- including myself. For the last five years he’s provided for me but for also for Preston. Most people would think that I sound ungrateful for the life that I have. Maybe I am?

The majority would dream for what I have; the wonderful house outside the city. The opportunity to not have to work for now- the life of a typical housewife. The privilege to own nice yet expensive cars due to Nate’s promotion. And not forgetting the support from Preston’s nanny- Ioana. Why isn’t all of this enough for me? I often think…What if, I had never agreed to that coffee date with Nate on our first meeting? Would my life have been any different? Could I have rekindled with the man who made me feel invisible- electrified? The intimacy with him. God, I miss it. I miss him. Back then, I was caught up in the euphoria of the moment. ‘For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, to love and cherish, until parted by death’ I keep reminding myself about the vows that we made- ‘I am happily married’. But, is that true?

“Shit!” Looking at her watch, Riley realised that the day had rapidly disappeared. Nate could be returning home at any point.

“Mommy, you….”

“I know, Preston. I’m sorry I said a naughty word.” Scrutinising the mess surrounding them- Riley deleted all of what she had noted down, before rushing around like a headless chicken in her night wear still. Hearing the door open, she panicked slightly before recognising the familiar face. Phew.

“Excuse me, Miss Riley- but your sister and Mr Liam have just got here. I can take Preston for his bath if you’d like?”

Shit.

“Erm, Ioana- let them in, I’ll quickly run upstairs and make myself decent. Preston, honey- why don’t you show Ioana the train track that we made earlier on? It’s amazing isn’t it?”

“Okay, Mommy.”

“I don’t know why they are here?!” Ioana provided a soft smile towards Riley as she mouthed this and guested that she would be one minute.

Running back downstairs dodging the washing and stray toys, Riley realised that she had two missed calls and voicemails.

Hey, girl.

Sorry I didn’t return your call earlier on. It’s been a busy crazy day. I’m back in the city- you sounded a bit upset on the voicemail. Meet up, tomorrow? Let me know.

Hello beautiful,

Just to let you know, I’m running slightly behind tonight. Emergency meeting with Katrina and ‘the big boy bosses’. I hopefully won’t be too long. I will grab some food at work- just see to yourself and Preston. Love you.

“Nothing new there, then. Working late again wasn’t expecting that at all- oh silly, me. He’s probably so far up her arse…..”

“Riley.” Lindsey shouted interrupting her sisters negative thoughts regarding her husband and his new boss.

“Hey guys. Sorry about the mess. Erm… it was Nate’s first day back at work and myself and Preston are still in the holiday mood. We still need to get back into the normal routine… anyway…. What are you doing here?” Lindsey and Liam gave each other a look- they both didn’t know how to ‘sweet talk’ the discussion that they needed to have with Riley.

“Well… we haven’t seen you since Christmas. So we thought that we’d pay you a visit.”

“It was less than two weeks ago, we’ve gone months without seeing each other before.”

“Erm…” Lindsey stuttered which encouraged Liam to continue the conversation. “Well we know that Nate is working longer hours now- we know that you have Ioana for company but if you wanted a different change of scenery…. We are here. Always.” Focusing her attention towards her sister instead of Liam - Lindsey provided a sheepish smile towards Riley.

“Linz you’ve always been a rubbish liar. What’s the real reason as to why you’ve spontaneously shown up here?”

“Ioana, are you okay looking after Preston for a couple of extra hours whilst we take Riley to the city? Mommy’s night off. I believe she deserves it?”

“Of course, Mr Liam. That is no problem. I agree, Miss Riley should go and enjoy herself.”

****

New York is a city of diversity and dynamism. As well as a city of politics, economy and culture. Even though I don’t live within the city anymore- this is home. The natural feeling of ‘home’ occurs every time that I enter the city. Each corner has a different story to tell. Mixed emotions. Memories both bad and good that will last a lifetime.

To begin with- Riley kept looking over her shoulder in the bars that the trio had entered. Was there some hope that she could see him? If there was to be an unexpected meeting she wasn’t quite sure on how to react. Due to anxiety and nerves - Riley began to take advantage of the alcohol as well as the child free night. The last known location for the man in question was California. Because of this she began to let her hair loose - something which pleased Lindsey but also worried her at the same time.

“Liv’s flat is literally next door. I’ll just go and surprise her and see if she wants to join us, okay?”

“Okay, we’ll get you both a drink. Gin and tonic?” Liam asked.

“No, make it two JD and cokes. It’s what myself and Liv always had during our… fun… days. Nights. Mornings…. I’ll be two minutes.”

“Liam- JD and coke, minus the JD for Ri.” Lindsey whispered to her husband, as they watched Riley enter the flat safely.

“I think she will need a coffee rather than fizzy pop to attempt to conceal the alcohol consumption from Nate. When Riley returns with or without Liv we are telling her the truth, Linz. Olivia will be the extra support that she may require.”

****

“Surprise!”

“Ri… what are you doing here? I suggested to meet up tomorrow on the voicemail.”

“Yeah I know, but….” Stumbling against the wall, Olivia stepped out quickly shutting the door quietly.

“Are you drunk?”

“No! Maybe. Only, slightly.” Shrugging her shoulders, she knew that Nate would berate her for being in this position. However, she didn’t care for now.

“Anyway Linz and Liam sort of dragged me out to the city- because I can never get out, I thought you could join me- us. Like old times…. But obviously old times were just you and I. It’ll be fun though…. I need to talk to you anyway…. I’ve been having these weird dreams. Memories keep rushing back of me and him….” Before Riley could continue with her word vomit - Olivia prevented her from continuing.

“Now isn’t a good time….I’m still jet-lagged from Paris. Tomorrow would better, honey. For me. I can come to you… or you could come back to the city with Preston. Whichever is easier….”

“Who’s Preston?” Standing frozen as if she had seen a ghost, Riley’s brain began to shrivel and not function properly. “I’m assuming he’s the new lucky man in your life?” Not responding to the questions- Riley couldn’t distinguish reality from fantasy.

As she closed the distance between them, she dropped her voice, low and sultry. “Whatever will I do with this prince I’ve been awarded.”

As she closed the distance between them, she dropped her voice, low and sultry. “Whatever will I do with this prince I’ve been awarded.”

Liam swallowed, the heat behind her words having their intended effect. They hadn’t had much alone time together in the past few days but he longed for a chance to hold her in his arms again. Just the smell of her perfume had him hard thinking of their last encounter. “Kind things, I hope,” he countered.

“Hmm,” she paused as if in careful thought about her next words. Liam could feel the heat radiating from her body at the close proximity. Riley tapped her mouth with her delicate finger, drawing his eyes to them; he unconsciously licked his lips as the fleeting memory of how they tasted crossed his memory. “But,” she contributed, “where’s the fun of that?” A mischievous twinkle in her eyes hinted at other things.

Liam smiled at the coy game she seemed to be playing. From the moment they met, Riley was a breath of fresh air in his life that he didn’t know he needed. Being with her, even in these fleeting moments, was like giving water to a dying man. He wasn’t sure he’d be strong enough to give her up should the council decide not to back her as his choice.

“And what do you propose, Lady Brooks?”

Riley surveyed their opulent surroundings. “This was fun,” gesturing to the forgotten ring toss game, “but I was hoping for some time…alone with you…”

Heat flashed through Liam’s eyes. Lowering his voice, he confessed, “I’m always hoping for time alone with you, Lady Riley.” His eyes darted over her shoulder as inspiration struck. “And there is a hedge behind the manor. Secluded. Private. Away from prying eyes.” He arched his eyebrow in challenge, daring her to continue the new game they’d started.

“Another maze? Do all your homes have one?”

“What can I say? My family enjoys them. Besides,” he added with a sly smirk, “we had fun there last time, didn’t we?”

A flash of memory of their last outdoor adventure crossed Riley’s brain. It may not have been the intended purpose for them but she has secretly thanked whoever decided to make mazes at the royal estates a thing. Her thoughts returned to that night: the chase—the stolen moments in the middle of the maze—how full her heart felt when they made love under the stars; yes, she remembered exactly how much fun they’d had. Liam’s bold words reminded her of it all; her cheeks warmed at his words and she felt her panties dampen at the recollection.

She bit her lip, breathing deeply at the insinuation, and then flashed him a broad grin. Making sure that they were still alone, Riley leaned over and pressed her lips against his, pouring her need and desire for him into the kiss before pulling away. Caught off guard at the sudden end of the kiss, Liam continued to lean forward as if still chasing after her lips.

Liam caught a low whisper of “Catch me if you can” before the sound of soft footsteps and giggling lead away from him. He managed to open his eyes just in time to see her disappearing into the maze. Any feelings of disappointment quickly disappeared with her happy laughter.

It wasn’t meant to be this way, he thought to himself, but I’m quickly finding myself falling for her. Liam knew the prudent thing—what was expected of him as the heir—was to hold back his personal feelings and think through the decision of his bride with his mind. Logic and reason should govern his choice; the one standing by his side was to lead with him, regardless of how he felt about her. But in his thoughts, at least, he found himself indulging in his private feelings for her. Liam knew that no matter what time they had together, he would enjoy every second of it; they both deserved that much.

Resolved to savor every second he had with Riley, he took off running towards the entrance, knowing his quiet reflections had given her a head start. He found her a few minutes later in the middle of the maze, sitting on the large swing that hung from the aged tree with her legs swinging.

Liam stopped and took the entire scene in; he was mesmerized by the sight of her. His eyes traced along her body, noting the way the sun kissed her skin, a stark contrast to how it looked under the starry sky. His fingers ached to touch her, knowing how soft she felt under his touch. He felt himself slowly getting hard looking at her but with practiced control, he took a deep breath and calmed himself for fear of embarrassment.

Liam couldn’t get over the different and intense feelings that Riley somehow had a way of eliciting from him; at any given moment she could calm him down by her mere presence or stir a raging fire that threatened to consume him. He had grown increasingly addicted to the mere idea of her.

Stepping out from the hedges, he greeted her saucy grin with a smirk on his own. “Found you,” he called lightly.

“That you have, my prince.”

Liam stepped closer towards her. “And what should my reward be?”

Without taking her eyes off of him, Riley continued to swing herself, giving off the appearance of innocence as she kicked her legs into the air. Liam stopped in his tracks and took a sharp breath. He wanted to shake his head. I must be seeing this, he concluded. There’s no way she’s…surely she was wearing them before? Don’t all ladies— His thoughts were interrupted by another flash as Riley continued to swing. As she pitched forward, the hem of her dress fluttered up, revealing her bareness.

“I—why—”

Riley smiled at Liam’s seemingly disbelief. Deciding to act as if she had no idea what caused Liam to be flummoxed, she touched her feet to the ground and stopped her movements. Riley sat in her seat and enjoyed the sight of the young prince as his brain struggled to catch up to what he’d seen.

Twisting from side to side, Riley coquettishly asked, “Yes, my prince?”

Liam swallowed hard, licking his suddenly dry lips. “Lady Riley—”

“Tell me what you want,” she breathed, a slight tinge of desperation leaking through her voice.

For the first time, Liam noticed how her dilated pupils were filled with passion and the way her breathing grew deeper. He detected the way she pressed her thighs together, as if she were trying to relieve herself, and the way she bit her lip trying not to give her game away. This woman in front of him wanted him as much as he wanted her; the mere thought of it was intoxicating. He realized in this moment he wanted nothing more than her and to claim her as his.

Without thinking, he declared, “You. I want you.”

Liam surged toward, covering her lips with his. He set a bruising pace with his kiss, intent on devouring and tasting all of her. Riley whimpered and let go of the swing, clinging on to him but the unsteady momentum propelled her into him, slamming their bodies together. The motion forced them to pull away from each other to steady themselves; they breathed heavily, trying to catch their breath from their passionate embrace.

“Riley,” he whispered huskily.

Riley nodded in understanding. They didn’t need to exchange further words; the couple were desperate to feel one another. Moving Liam in front of the swing, she slowly got on her knees. Her small hand reached out to undo his button. Riley’s eyes travelled up Liam’s body and the sight took her breath away. He watched her with flushed cheeks and fiery eyes; the heat burned brightly, threatening to consume them both.

I love seeing him like this, she thought to herself. No one but me gets to see him this way. The bold thought of possessiveness thrilled her. Without hesitation, Riley undid his buttons and quickly pulled down his pants and underwear with them, letting them pool at his feet. Then she leaned over, taking his head into her mouth.

Liam groaned at the feel of her wet lips on him. Throwing his head back, he allowed himself to get lost in the sensation of her warm mouth surrounding him. Liam had never known a woman like her, someone who got him out of his own head and made him carefree even amongst the whirlwind of events going on around them.

Her tiny whimpers brought him back to the present and he looked down at her. Watching her masterfully work his throbbing cock in her mouth quickly grew to be one of his favorite images, next to others—all seeming to feature her. Liam felt her swirl her tongue across his head and he knew he wouldn't last much longer if she continued to work him with her magic tongue.

“Riley,” he groaned in a strained voice as he pulled her off. Liam struggled to breathe, wanting to prolong their encounter, despite the limited time. He had to feel her, all of her, before it was over.

Riley understood Liam’s pleas; she needed him as well and time was short. Riley stood up, brushing off her knees, before pushing him onto the swing. Liam seated himself comfortable on the cool wood seat, watching her every moment. Lifting up her dress, Riley revealed what he suspected: she was bare underneath her dress. Liam’s sharp breath quickly turned into a heated stare as Riley met his eyes in challenge; a small smirk tugged at the corner of her mouth.

Carefully, Riley climbed onto the swing facing him, placing her legs on either side of his body. Liam held them in place as they maneuvered themselves into a comfortable position. With one hand still on the rope, he reached down and grabbed hold of himself with his free one. Slowly, he dragged himself through her folds, coating his hard cock with her juices.

“Is that for me? Are you wet for me?” he groaned, continuing to slide himself back and forth between her lips.

She whined, grinding herself closer to him, desperate to feel more friction.

“Tell me, what do you want?”

Knowing he would hold back unless she answered, Riley breathed, “You. I want you, Liam.”

Satisfied, Liam lined himself with her entrance, finally allowing her to lower herself onto him. He pressed his face into the crook of her neck, groaning loudly as she slowly sunk onto him, swallowing him up inch by delicious inch. Liam pulled back, wanting to watch her face as he filled her up. Once he was buried deep inside her, they both paused to let her adjust to his size.

Though they’d made love several times, it always took Riley a few seconds to get used to how big he was. She took a deep breath, willing her body to relax; she loved the way he stretched her out. Liam watched her expression, savoring these stolen moments. Soon her body adjusted and Riley looked up, meeting his own heated stare with one equally filled with passion—and love.

“Please, Liam,” she begged.

Given the permission to continue, he didn’t hesitate and started to pump his legs, pushing them both on the swing while she held onto him tightly. Riley let out a low moan as they swung back and forth in the air, the rhythm ebbing and flowing with each pass. The rocking motion of him thrusting his legs to keep the swing moving sent delicious tingles down both their spines.

The quicker Liam pumped his legs, the faster and deeper he pushed himself inside her. Liam grunted with exertion, loving how tight she felt around him. Her slick covered them both, dripping down onto his lap. Riley’s desperate whines grew louder despite both knowing the need to keep quiet; as secluded as they were from prying eyes, they knew the walls still had ears. But the closer they got, the harder it was to keep quiet—and the less they cared about anything other than chasing their release.

“Liam,” she whined.

“Shh,” he cooed, “I know. You’re doing so well. Such a good girl.” Seeing her as a needy mess made Liam harder than he was before. With sudden urgency, he wanted her to reach her climax before he was too lost in his own desires. “Cum for me,” he growled. “Be my good girl and let go.”

Something inside Riley snapped at his command. She moaned louder, lowering her head into the crook of his neck to try to muffle the noise as she ground her pelvis into his. Liam thrust rapidly into her, desperately chasing his release. He continued to pump his legs, pushing himself further into her until he hit the right spongy spot deep inside her. Riley let out a cry, clenching her muscles tightly around him, squeezing him like a vice grip. He erupted soon afterwards, sending them both over the edge. They both cried out in release, shouting without considering their surroundings.

Luckily, the dinner bell that rang distantly in the background covered up their moans of passion. Realizing just how lucky they were to have the end of their tryst be covered by the loud clanging bells that signaled the start of dinner at the manor, they broke into a peel of laughter. Liam slowed the swing down, allowing them to savor the last few moments together. He gazed at Riley in adoration. He wasn’t entirely sure of their future but he knew he was happy here, with her, in this moment.

Riley was first to break the spell. “That’s one way to work up an appetite for dinner,” she teased with a small grin.

Liam blew out a deep breath, still trying to regulate his breathing. “I always did like my dessert first.”