The Trap ___

Learn and improve with me

She went to church and prayed for a child every Sunday, but no child came. She went to every midwife and wise woman for miles around, and followed all their advice, but no child came.

So at last, though she knew of the dangers, she drew her brown woolen shawl over her head and on Midsummer’s Eve she went out to the forest, to a certain clearing, and dropped a copper penny and a lock of her hair into the old well there, and she wished for a child.

“You know,” a voice said behind her, a low and cunning voice, a voice that had a coax and a wheedle and a sly laugh all mixed up in it together, “that there will be a price to pay later.”

She did not turn to look at the creature. She knew better. “I know it,” she said, still staring into the well. “And I also know that I may set conditions.”

“That is true,” the creature said, after a moment, and there was less laugh in its voice now. It wasn’t pleased that she knew that. “What condition do you set? A boy child? A lucky one?”

“That the child will come to no harm,” she said, lifting her head to stare into the woods. “Whether I succeed in paying your price, or passing your test, or not, the child will not suffer. It will not die, or be hurt, or cursed with ill luck or any other thing. No harm of any kind.”

“Ahhhhh.” The sound was long and low, between a sigh and a hum. “Yes. That is a fair condition. Whatever price there is, whatever test there is, it will be for you and you alone.” A long, slender hand extended into her sight, almost human save for the skin, as pale a green as a new leaf. The hand held a pear, ripe and sweet, though the pears were nowhere ripe yet. “Eat this,” the voice said, and she trembled with the effort of keeping her eyes straight ahead. “All of it, on your way home. Before you enter your own gate, plant the core of it beside the gate, where the ground is soft and rich. You will have what you ask for.”

Good question, also no that won’t help.

shitty MS Paint 3 minutes doodle, nto entirely accurate: When you have your pinky hooked on the “bottom” edge of the phone for the extra security so it doesn’t slide out of your hand that easily, you’re wreaking damage on your hand, since the pinky is extremely askew from it’s resting position. You might have noticed that when you hold your phone like that for long time it begins to hurt, like when you are gripping a pen too tightly for example.

In which the Good Omens art department channels Aziraphale.

The vampire does a great job of playing the aloof, intimidating prince, but he just has a really good poker face. He’s screaming internally at all times. When you take the mask off, he’s really something of a drama queen, extremely emotional and passionate. He’s wary of revealing his true personality to the court, because he’s honestly pretty afraid of his sire, and a lot of the comedy comes from the drastically different impressions his staff and retainers have of him.

—The werewolf guards being useless the days around the full moon and various characters being able to get away with wild shit because the guards are play fighting or got restless and started running laps

—Ambroz has a young attendant who completely buys into his mysterious edgelord act and thinks he’s the coolest thing ever, this kid can’t decide if he’s crushing on Ambroz or wants to BE Ambroz.

—on the other end of things, Ambroz’s maid has had him figured out ever since he moved into the castle and serves as an extremely exasperated older sister. Ambroz, stop crying, sir, I will help you find your shoes. Yes I know your sire will be furious if you lost them. You are a grown man, sir.

—Zelda is DEFINITELY not a virgin but regularly plays at not understanding extremely basic sexual concepts to keep people from figuring out she’s thoroughly deflowered her fiancé

You can REALLY tell how much time she and Zelda spend together, they can organize a whole scheme with a wink at this point. She plays herself off as a ditsy farm girl to go with Zelda’s sheltered princess act.

The Mauritius “underwater waterfall” is not a true waterfall but an naturally occurring optical! In the sense that that’s not water falling, it’s sand and silt shifting! Shifting down a 4000-meter-deep abyssal drop. It is in fact exactly as deep as it looks, sorry :)

Other fun facts about Mauritius include:

that’s where Dodo birds were from!

the entire island has an abnormally strong gravitational pull

these motherfuckers don’t deserve any pussy. fuck their dumb asses. ladies, when a guy asks you out and suggests a place to go, ALWAYS suggest another place to see if his ass is some lame pua wannabe. fellas, stop being a bunch of insecure pussies. this ISN’T how you prove yourselves to be alphas. smfh. real men know when to flex and when to chill, this was a fucking “chill” moment and he blew trying to be “alpha.” dumbass.

“do not tolerate disagreement” wtf?!?! some of you motherfuckers want a fucking dog NOT a woman. 

A few examples:

Constantly move her around, each time she follows you build compliance

Ask for little things, which again builds compliance

Get lots of little yeses in a row to make it harder for her to say no

Location - make it easier for her to come back to yours than get home (eg drive her somewhere)

Talk her into selling herself, once she is in the mindset of demonstrating her value she will retrospectively believe she must have done it because you are high value

Deep dive - basically show interest in her as a person, but in a laid back way so she thinks you’re both interested but not amazed

As soon as she fails to comply, ruin the moment completely and “snap out of it” then try again to escalate to sex (so she will comply so as not to ruin things again)

Use female friends to look popular and well-adjusted so she doesn’t see you as a threat, then basically act as a threat now she has talked herself out of being scared of you

Don’t have conversations by text or phone, just use it to get her to meet you alone