Nothing Can Capture The Sting
Harry James Potter x fem!reader
Summary: Reader tries to replace Harry after they break up, but nothing captures the feeling she has when sheâs with him.
Warnings: Angst, crying, mention of break up, brief mention of being tied up (no description), kissing? Cho (is she a warning lol-), let me know if thereâs any others!!
Note: I really need to write for Harry more often, heâs my favorite! So hereâs to the Harry lovers. ;)
Now Playing: Sailor Song Gigi Perez
She stared at the boy across from her, his dimples and fluffy hair showcasing his beauty. He was pretty, in a way, and he was smart too since he was in dark blue robes. But she couldnât help but doze off while he was telling her something about his Charms essay⊠or was it Potions? She didnât quite place the subject, for her mind was thinking of other things.
He looked a lot like Harry, she observed. His hair was similar, fluffy and defiantly not properly taken care of- she wondered if it could resist even the strongest of charms, just like Harryâs? And if she looked harder, she could tell he was basically an off brand of Harry. The two boys had the same eye color, despite Harryâs being brighter to her, and their dimples were oh so noticeable when they smiled.
The main difference between the boys was Harry had glasses, the boy in front of her didnât. She placed them on him in her mind though, picturing him with the round rimmed lenses around his green eyes, adding an imaginary sparkle to them while she was at it.
She felt bad doing these things, changing the boyâs image in her mind when she was trying to move on. How dare she, changing his face while he was talking to her, smiling like heâs finally met the girl heâs been looking for?
â-did Snape give you detention yesterday too? And he said no, which was okay, but at the same time he did the same thing as me! I swear, Snape hates everyone but the Slytherins-â
He normally just complained and muttered to himself, but never rambled to her. He would most of the time let her ramble to him, yet he spoke openly about not being bothered by it, for he liked the sparkle in her eyes while she talked about something she liked⊠most likely another romance Muggle novel she read.
She have had finished one recently, not like she had any interest talking to him about it, for she couldnât help but picture Harry instead.
What would he do if he was here?
If he was here, she was gonna be honest here, if Harry was here (and she pictured it so detailed that it hurt her chest) he could be leaning his head against the table with his arm, glasses crooked as he softly smiled at her, letting her know he was listening, running the tip of his finger around the top of his Butterbeer. The drink would still be around his lips, and every now and then his tongue would stick out and grab little by little before bringing it back into his mouth.
The image was so familiar to her, so comforting, that her brain stuck to it for the rest of the time the boy- was his name Robert?- told his story about how unfair Snape treated other Houses besides Slytherin. But who knows, though, had he moved onto another subject, or was he still rambling on about the same thing?
And, as she was walking back to the castle with his cold hand in hers, she couldnât help but feel Harryâs splintered hands instead, imagining his thumb running over her skin in the most comforting way.
Yet Robert had no idea. How could he?
âI had fun today,â he said, bringing her out of her thoughts once again. âCare to do this again?â
She looked at him, matching his smile but the only difference was that his wasnât forced. The eye contact she made with him was the first time she looked at him properly, taking in his genuine smile and how he seemed to actually like hanging out with her.
âSorry, I donât think it will work out,â she whispered, surprised he heard her with all the snow blowing around them. His curved up lips turned into a frown fairy quickly, reaching up to scratch his head in confusion.
âOh, okay. Thatâs fine, I understand,â he said, a slight hint of disapointment waved in his voice. âSee you around?â
The tone in his voice, whatever it was, she didnât catch it but at that moment it didnât matter to her, for she already gazed off, thinking of another while Robert walked away, the frown on his lips still present.
âYou know, my father says that sadness isnât permanent, that it is like life testing us before it gives us good things.â
The girl was sitting on a tree branch outside of Hogwarts, the breeze going through her knotty hair. Luna was next to her, drawing silly doodles in her notebook with colored markers piled in her robes. Blue was smeared all over the side of her palm, for she accidentally touched the markerâs ink before it dried. Luna had a fancy towards Muggle art supplies, and the girl was more than glad to lend her friend her things, for it was all worth seeing the glee sparkling in Lunaâs eyes.
The girl had told Lina about her precious date and how it went terribly wrong for her (yet again) and amazing for him, only for her to say it wouldnât work out.
The girl hummed at the saying her father once said, looking over at Luna and giving her a grateful smile. âThanks Luna, but Iâm not sad⊠well, I canât lie to you. Iâm nothing without him.â
Luna hummed right back, glancing upwards for a spit second before turning back to her drawing. It was of those creatures she often spoke of, the animal the you can only see if youâve seen someone die. The girl couldnât remember the name, for Luna has only said it once or twice, too busy saying fun facts about them that the girl couldnât have time to slip in the question of their title.
âI miss Harry too, he avoids me in the corridors. The only time I get to see him is if Iâm looking for my shoes that people hide. Which is often,â Luna mutters, voice almost blending in with the wind as it blows past them both. The girl swings her legs, feeling the prickly bark beneath her calves. She was weirdly grateful for the feeling, for it gave her something to bring her back to earth when her mind wondered off with thoughts of Harry and his bright green eyes she missed looking into.
âDo you think Iâll ever get him back?â The girl wondered suddenly, looking over at the Quidditch Pitch, seeing maroon robes flying around on brooms as they practiced. Normally, she would wait in the Gryfindoor Common Room for Harry, reading a Muggle book she was recently gifted or an old classic she loved re-reading, all until a certain Raven-haired boy entered the room. No matter how tired she would be, she would sit down on the couch and await his return.
Her body soon missed that, for now as she lays in bed wide awake for about an hour, awaiting for sleep to take her away.
Itâs because Harry was such a big part of her life, her routine, that once he left it was like someone took the middle piece of her puzzle, ruining the big picture because of the obvious space there.
âMaybe, who knows,â Luna murmured back, reaching over and grabbing her friendâs hand for support. âSometimes the universe gifts us people to hang onto, then takes them away. It may feel like torture, but itâs all for a reason. I know youâre probably used to hearing those words, and before you ask I donât know the reason, but I do know that in the end all the tears will be worth it.â Luna was practically whispering, like the words she was saying were a secret only them two could witness, yet the soft hushed tone from Luna was comforting towards the girl, and she was forever grateful for her friend just then.
She responded with a gratitude- filled smile, squeezing Lunaâs hand right back. âThanks, Luna.â
Luna smiled at her, this one bigger than the previous one she expressed. âAnytime.â Then the sympathetic glint in her eyes turned to a teasing glitter. âNow, let me get back to my drawing, I havenât finished it yet!â
She leaned her big book against the orange juice jug, already moving her eyes along the pages first thing in the morning. She liked to start her morning with some calm reading, ignoring the chatter of students around her. Her breakfast laid perfectly on her plate, for she had previously served herself, yet she knew that she wasnât going to eat much anyway.
Normally, Harryâs glittering green eyes would peak in front of her hair that was hanging in her face from beside her, wiggling his eyebrows as he tried to crack a smile on her grumpy morning face. It would always work, yet sometimes now in the present she could find her brain tricking herself into thinking Harry was back next to her, forcing her to turn her head sideways only to find an empty bench seat.
She would do this every couple minutes, even though she knew it would be a trick, yet her heart hoped that he would magically be there for real that time.
Maybe one more glance, she asked herself, and he will be there? Maybe the flickering lights of the Great Hall wonât trick me this time?
But it all ended the same, for Harry didnât sit next to her anymore but instead next to Ron and Hermonie on the other side of the Gyrfinndor table; itâs like he wanted to be as far away from her as possible.
She found herself staring longer than she shouldâve, getting lost in the beauty of his profile and how he smiled while talking to RonâŠprobably about something stupid like Quidditch.
âThey say it takes more muscles to frown than it takes to smile.â
She turns, facing two copy and pasted red haired Weasleys, both with matching grins that automatically made her day a little brighter (she still didnât know how they did it).
Her frown deepened. âI donât think thatâs true.â
Fred- no George- shrugged with one shoulder. âWho said we were âtheyâ?â
She felt her frown turn upwards a tiny bit, and the twins took it as a victory, for their grins widened.
âThere it is, George, our job here is done.â
George smiled wide in response and turned at the same time as Fred to leave, both bodies spinning on their bottoms.
The girl reached for Fredâs forearm, âignoring the dangerous wobble of the orange juice in the jugâgripping the robes that covered it. âWait.â
Both twins shared a look before glancing back at her, settling back down in their seats (the hesitation before doing so didnât go unnoticed by her).
âH-â she sputtered. âHas Harry said anything to you two? You know, since what happened?â
She found herself digging her fingernails into her wrists out of nervousness after she retracted her hand once she knew they werenât going to leave.
They sighed in unison, leaning forward and lowering their voices.
â-I heard Lupin talking to Harry-â
â-wasnât sure what about though-â
â-obviously about her what are you on about-â
â-ignore him he doesnât know what heâs talking about. Lupin was talking to Harry about how he seems off lately-â
â-lost his good luck charm I presume-?â
â-no that wasnât it-â
â-oh I know what it is go and tell her, Fred-â
â-Harry seems to be doingâŠbetter than usual-â
â-first to give Slughorn his potion-â
â-first to show up at Quidditch practice, besides Wood of course-â
â-has caught the Snitch at every single one I must tell you-â
â-and, surprisingly, I heard that heâs asked Cho to-â
The girl felt her guts twist into an uncomfortable knot. âWell it seems like heâs doing just fine without me,â she interrupted, legs wobbly as she stood up from the bench, grabbing her book and bag with shaky hands.
Fred and George didnât seem to notice her exit after the statement, for they soon got into a mini argument about which is better: the lemon tarts or the apple pie.
Tears pricked her eyes as she left the Great Hall.
Of course Harry had moved on already. It was no surprise, since he broke up with her and seemed to run off as quickly as he could, almost like while they were dating she had him tied up.
Frustratingly wiping the on-coming tears, she hurried to Defense Against The Dark Arts, a class she shared with Harry (both fortunately and unfortunately).
She entered the classroom, the heavy feeling still present in her chest.
She tried to ignore her brain repeating the twinsâ words about Harry- how did they put it?- âdoing better than usualâ.
Sitting down, she took her quill, parchment, and ink out only to discover something was missing in her bag. Her book was missing. She must have left leaning on the orange juice jug.
âMerlin help me,â she mumbled, groaning softly to herself and brain already coming up with a plan to retrieve it. Sheâll have to get it on her way to Divinations, even though itâs all the way in the tower at the top of the school.
She was focusing on unrolling her parchment for notes when she heard someone clear their throat beside her, and, looking up, she saw the brightest green eyes she had ever seen.
Her breath caught in her throat, heart stumbling on itâs beats. He had an interesting expression on his face, an awkward smile upon his lips.
His hands held up her thick book, holding out to her as if he was afraid of its touch. âUm.. you left this.â
âOh,â she breathed stupidly, reaching out and grabbing the book from him, painfully noticing how he was avoiding any accidental contact of their hands. âThank you, Harry.â His name fell out of her lips far too easily, and it tasted so familiar on her tongue that it hurt.
His lips didnât waver, nor did they widen, still nor did they part to speak. He walked away fairly quickly, and the way her vision blurred, the colors of his robes and dark hair blurring together in her eyes didnât go ignored.
Something rushed through her, a hot, embarrassed flush rising to her cheeks and washing all over her body.
It felt unnecessary to cry, for he was doing a nice deed, but maybe it was the fact he didnât say anything, avoiding any additional second of interaction so he could get away faster. It hurt to think back on how fast he was to leave; it was a shame on how she kept purposely thinking about it. His facial expressions. His hands avoiding contact.
It was like she was a disease he didnât want to catch.
She ignored her wet eyes for the rest of the lesson, scrubbing notes down on how Mars is helpful for discovering what the future holds.
That night she had a strange dream. It had her rolling around, sleeping body confused on what her brain was doing to her, yet if one would see the soft smile on her lips they would then know it wasnât a nightmare.
Her dream self was walking in the corridors with no shoes on, her socked feet quiet on the ground. It was strangely cold yet she was wearing short sleeves, her hands rubbing her arms to keep them warm. She didnât know where she was going, at least she sleeping self didnât, but her dream self did.
She travelled to an empty classroom, turning the dust covered doorknob and the space so dusty that not only was it imbedded it the corners of the walls, but it was also floating in the air, yet she didnât cough.
In front of her was a mirror, and the only reasons she noticed it was because of the moonlight shining on its reflective surface as well as it being the cleanest item in the room; its shiny surface standing out generously.
Her dream self furrowed her eyebrows, and if one would look at her awake self they would see her actual brows furrowed, almost like she was having a bad dream.
Yet it was only out of confusion and curiosity, for she was wondering why the mirror was there.
She walked over to it, planning on touching the surface to see if it was as smooth as it looked. It didnât have a single fingerprint on it.
As she reached out though, she caught her reflection in the mirror, and, looking up, met her own eyes.
She stared for a couple seconds before someone came up behind her, smiling as they made eye contact.
Standing right there, holding her hand in his, the grip so genuine it made her want to smile.
She whipped her head around, begging for it to be true. âHarry-â
Just dust floating in the moonlight, and somehow the sight made her chest squeeze.
It looked so clear. So real. Like just looking at his hand holding hers made it feel like his skin was actually touching her. Why could she see him in the mirror, yet not beside her?
âAhh, you saw Harry?â
This time there was someone there, Albus Dumbledore in all his silver beard glory, light blue robes on his body and sparkling eyes behind half-moon spectacles.
âProfessor Dumbledore.â
He smiled at her in greeting, walking towards her slightly, leaning against the wall closest to her and slowly sitting down, crossing his legs like a preschooler sitting on the carpet, waiting to hear the teacherâs story. He didnât say anything, just patted the floor beside him as an invitation.
Though hesitant, she moved away, away from the view of Harry in the mirror, and sat down next to him, reflecting his pose.
It was silent for a couple beats before Dumbledoreâs soft voice broke it. He turned to her, smiling. âI see youâve found the Mirror of Erised.â
Her head perked up, eyebrows raised. âWhat does it do?â She wondered, already thinking of possible reasons she saw Harry of all people in it.
âAh, I thought youâd never ask,â Dumbledore said sarcastically, folding his hands in his lap. âWhen one looks into the mirror or Erised, they see their deepest and most secret desire.â
âSo youâre saying that Harry is my deepest desire?â She asked, and her heart beat quickened when Dumbledoreâs smile turned into a soft grin.
âI didnât say that,â he reminded quietly, his voice smooth and gentle. âBut it is you that has implied it.â
âI-â she hesitated for a moment, wondering if she should tell him her dilemma. âMe and Harry broke up, Professor. And I⊠I guess I miss him.â
The confession was both a little embarrassing and reviving the finally tell. The words felt stupid, yet she was relived that she could finally discuss with someone about it.
Dumbledore eased her embarrassment instantly when his lips stretched into an understanding smile. âAh, young love, do they call it?â He asked, making her smile softly at him. âBut you and I both know that deep down you canât stay in sorrow forever, you must act upon it, take courage and do what you feel is right. You are in Gryffindor for a reason,â he explained. And the way he spoke, the way he put words together to comfort her, was enough to warm her insides.
âThank you, Professor,â she said, getting up to leave, and he stood up as well, looking down at her gently smiling.
âOf course,â he almost whispered. âNow off to bed, little one, you donât want Prefects discovering you were here.â
She bid him goodnight as well, turning to leave, before she turned back, eyes with a hint of curiousity. âProfessor?â
He turned to her, smiling as a signal for her to continue.
âIs this real?â She asked. âIs this a dream? Is it happening inside my head?â
His smile didnât waver as he smoothed out his robe sleeves, as they were rolling up naturally. âOf course itâs happening inside your head. Why should that mean that itâs not real?â
The girl woke up in a strange daze, mind fuzzy and she tried to recall the dream she had. It felt real, yet she had this distinct feeling it was all a dream, despite what Dumbledore said.
Yet, as she looked at her fingertips, she still had a hint of dust coating them from the dusty doorhandles of the classroom.
Ever since she woke up that day, sheâd been thinking about Dumbledoreâs words, advising her to do the thing she thought was right.
She couldnât quite pinpoint which other she should take, since she had many options what she could do. Well, at least many options on how she should chase Harry down and force him to talk to her. At least then he could say how he was really feeling, good or bad.
1. Tell Hermonie that a friend of his said to meet him in the library, yet it is her.
2. March across the table and grab him by the ear. (Lower on the list but still an option)
3. Walk up behind him and whack him in the head with the very book he returned to her
At the end of her list, she decided that all of them were complete rubbish and she should properly offer him a chat between them.
So, when she left the Great Hall that morning, (glancing at Harry as often as possible, just as usual but this time felt different) she chose to chase him down in the corridors. They had a free period in the morning, which was rare, but nice and the perfect time to talk to Harry; no excuses about having to be in class.
And Dumbledore was right, she thought as she marched towards the dark haired boy and his friend with the reddest hair imaginable. She was in Gryffindor for a reason. She could do this, right?
Just as she was about to quit, she realized she was already so close to them so why not go with it?
Grabbing his robe sleeve, she yanked the boy outside in the courtyard onto the grass away from Ron. His protests were ignored as they moved further away from him, and he didnât bother to interupt their upcoming conversation.
His voice cut off as she led him to the boys dormitories, practically dragging the poor boy up the stairs and opening his door, closing it once they both entered.
She placed him in front of her, making eye contact for the first time of their interaction.
âHarry, I need to talk to you, if you will,â she requested, keeping her voice steady. She then realized she was still holding onto his robes, and, with a soft stroke to ease the possible wrinkles, she took her hand away, cheeks slightly flushed.
Harry pushed his glasses up his nose with his middle finger, hands fidgeting by his sides. âOkay.â
She was a little surprised that he wasnât arguing against her, just standing there shrugging like it was no big deal (then again he couldâve fought back the whole journey to his dorm but he let himself be dragged). Was the girl that he broke up with talking to him not meaning anything to him? Was he that over her that he could look at her and not feel anything?
The thought made her chest squeeze, yet she stood her ground and made eye contact with him once again. âI-â
She hesitated, fidgeting with her fingers just like he was. She was going to be honest, she had the confidence to walk up to him and take him to a private place, yet now that she thought about it, she never planned out what she was going to say.
He raised his eyebrows questionably, waiting her to say something.
She gave him a nervous smile, wiping her now sweaty palms on her robes. âIâveâŠ..missed you.â
Harry took a sharp intake of air, licking his lips and looking away from her quickly. He practically looked anywhere but her.
âYou shouldnât,â he said simply, leaning his weight on one leg to the other.
She suddenly felt tears arise in her eyes but she blinked them away, looking at the sky for a moment to keep them held at bay. Maybe it was what he said that brought the unwanted tears, yet she deep down knew it was because he couldnât relate to her feelings. He didnât miss her like she missed him, and what he said showed that.
âI know,â she almost whispered, voice so quiet like it always was when she wanted to cry.
âGood,â Harry murmured, and he started to walk around her towards the door, ready to turn the handle, giving flashbacks to her dream, grabbing the dusty doorknob-
âWait, Harry,â she said, reaching out against her own accord, gripping his robe sleeve so hard he must have felt like he was being yanked then being held back.
He looked over his shoulder at her, slowly turning to face her yet her hand still stayed on his sleeve. He was met with her blurry eyes, tears streaming down her face silently. Her lips were parted, almost like she was gasping for air.
âI canât help but miss you because thereâs no-one like you, Harry,â she started. âIâve tried to date other people, going on dates, sitting across from them but Iâm only picturing your face instead of theirs. I- I love you, Harry. And thereâs no one out there that I will love the same way I love you.â
Harry stood there, his robes still in her hand and his own wrapped around the door handle. His fingers left the object slowly, stepping forward making her arm not have to reach over so much to keep him from leaving.
His lips adjusted themselves, then parted while he figured out what to say. âI..I canât be with you,â he spoke, almost whispering, and the sentence both broke and healed her at the same time.
âYet Cho can be with you?â She couldnât help but snap back, and tried to ignore the way he stepped back, a surprised look on his face.
âCho? What does she have to do with this?â
âFred and George told me you asked her to the Yule Ball, so donât ask other girls out to dance with you if you say right now that you canât be with me. Itâs hypocritical.â
The anger in her voice was obvious, tear streaks still sticky on her cheeks yet her eyes werenât as wet as they were previously. Now her eyebrows were bent in frustration towards him, all the unanswered questions piling up.
âYou want to know why I asked her? It was because all I could think about was you. Every morning when I wake up and before I close my eyes to sleep at night, every thought is overturned by you. And Iâve tried to distract myself with school work, and you may have noticed, but nothing works. Even Cho canât replace you,â Harry huffed out, shoulders going up and down slowly as he took in breaths.
âThen why did you break things off? It seems like we both feel the same way,â she pointed out, her heart sputtering at the thought of him thinking about her all the time, yet why did he break her heart if that was the case?
Harry took a deep breath, walking up to her and grabbing her hands, bring them up to his lips as he gently kissed her knuckles. She felt like she was a flower and he was trying not to wrinkle her bloomed petals.
âI didnât want you to get hurt, I am the fourth champion of the Triwizard Tournament, and everyone is siding with Cedric, meaning that everyone hates me. I didnât want to hate to aim towards you, so to protect you I broke us apart,â Harry whispered, looking into her eyes and trying to find a speck understanding, a spark of hope brewing in his chest, hoping that she would now see the reason he left her and take it as a valid one.
She did understand, but confused at the same time on why he didnât choose to communicate. âHarry, in a relationship there is two sides, you and me. When thereâs an issue on one side they discuss the issue with the other person, as you should with me. And I understand if you want to protect me, for I want you to be protected more than anything else, Harry, but we have to talk to each other,â She explained gently, and she was running her fingers through his hair at the base of his neck. His eyes behind his glasses were closed, eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks with every stroke she made with her hand.
âIâŠI didnât want to lose you- you mean everything to me,â Harry whispered, his green eyes opening as he said this, glittery eyes looking at her making his statement much more meaningful than it already was.
Her heart must of stopped, a pause of nothing that she could feel expect pure love towards the boy in front of her. Messy hair and all, she loved every part of him.
âYou wonât lose me,â she whispered. She then smiled softly, moving her hands from his hair to his collar of his shirt, pulling him in by it, and kissed him. His lips tasted just like she remembered, and it felt like water finally reaching through the dam, a mix of emotions her heart could nearly handle. His lips were soft and gentle against hers, pressing back with as much love he could muster. Her heart felt like a blooming flower, Harry being her sunlight that was needed for her petals to expand.
She pulled away, his head almost instantly dipping into her neck to kiss the skin there with soft touches. âI love you, you know that right? Iâm sorry I hurt you; it was the last thing I ever wanted.â
Each word was murmured into her hair, the strands preventing his voice to be fully heard, yet she could tell- feel- that he meant every word.
She turned her head and gave him a long kiss on the cheek, feeling his skin tingle under her lips.
âI know, Harry. Im just glad we worked it out.â
And she was, that was for sure, for now she had Harry back.