MrsLutterman

As you can see, school took over my life and I have had absolutely no time to even reflect on my year so far! The crazy thing about the school year, is the fact that the biggest hurdles I overcame were not the students themselves but my coworkers, and most of the adults in my surrounding life. The adults are the ones that have responded to the pandemic in a poor way in my opinion.

My students have tried their best to maintain, even though they came into my classroom nearly a year behind. The regression in Elementary is insane, I can only imagine what it might’ve been in the upper grades. My student’s parents and I did struggle at the beginning, but with empathy, kindness and understanding I was able to get nearly everyone on board.

My coworkers are who I struggle with the most though. It’s amazing how a group of people who normally work so well together ended up falling apart. What I noticed in my grade level was that people are no longer communicating with each other, we weren’t sharing ideas, we were all doing our own thing. Normally I’m someone who collaborates and follows with the crowd as far as curriculum and standards...This was my first year to rise above everyone and do my own thing. Some thing I discovered was that I actually do know what I’m doing, I have fantastic ideas, and I showed surmountable growth in my reading with my students.  something else I realized is that the people that I thought were my friends, actually weren’t, because they didn’t like that I was doing well. I’ve never understood how people can’t be happy for one another, but I discovered that this year.

As schools are preparing for fall and trying to come up with a game plan, I can only sit back helplessly waiting for direction. I’m not a person who does well with the unknown, so this whole Pandemic situation has really rocked my world. I try to maintain. I try to stay calm. I try not to upset my own two daughters and assure them that everything will be ok. But at the end of the day, when I lie in my bed and my brain starts going, I can’t help but think of all the “what if” situations.

In the beginning of the discussions with teachers, I was supportive of physically returning- I didn’t care if I had to space my desks 6 feet apart. I didn’t care that we would sanitize every 1.5 seconds. I didn’t care that I would have to get rid of my soft surface items and go for a clinical type theme. I just wanted to get back to work. I wanted to have a purpose again.

In all of my years of teaching, I have never had a “summer off.” I have always taught summer school with my district, not only to keep myself busy, but let’s be real, I needed to make ends meet and pay my bills. This is the first time I have never worked during the summer, and it’s so strange to me. At first I was trying to enjoy my down time, but I’m a busy body and that lasted about two days. Staying at home all day , everyday really started messing with my mental health. Needless to say, I was ready to get back to work!

There are a variety of different models being thrown around, and lots of different options. When I try to wrap my head around all the different ways to plan for each option it becomes overwhelming. So I did something new this summer. I didn’t think about next year. I’m not planning for anything, I’m not prepping for anything and I’m trying to clear my mind so that I can adopt new ideas. This is so outside of my realm and it feels uncomfortable. I’m the teacher that’s known for preparing. I am the person who always has everything filed and ready to rock ‘n’ roll. I’m not used to sitting back and it’s been really hard for me. I’ve broken down in tears at least twice each week over the past few weeks. If I’m feeling this way I can only imagine how my OWN children, future students and their parents are all feeling. The uncertainty of this school year is looming and everyone keeps asking me, “what are the plans for next year?” The only truthful answer I have for this is “I have no idea.” And as eager as I am to get back to the grind, I have also become quit fearful. I see the numbers of people testing positve from COVID-19 climbing. People have started traveling without any thought towards others. It’s as if everything has stopped and the pandemic is over....But it isn’t. And now as I watch numbers climb, and I think about what I am exposing myself to, I have to truly ask myself, am I willing to put my life and my own family’s life on the line to educate others? Simply put, No, I am not willing to risk my families health. However it’s not that simple. I can’t quit a career that I know deep down is my passion. I went into STEEP financial debt to get this career.

I have linked this in my TPT (it’s FREE) store and Instagram account but also wanted to share it here. This is an editable version of my own classroom management plan. I have annotated each heading with questions that will hopefully guide your thinking and help you plan out each and every second of your day. I hope this brings you success in your classroom and I encourage you to share your thoughts and ideas with me!

As I continue to look at my OWN biases and how I might influence what I teach, I’m continuously struggling to make sure my own opinions don’t fall into what I’m teaching. I don’t know if other educators struggle with this, but I know I do. I’ve always thought that I was a pretty translucent teacher and that I approached things with all sides of the story- But I am now realizing that I tend to lean towards subjects that are more comfortable for me to teach and ideals that match my own. I don’t always like to push the envelope. I’m working on empathy and understanding. I’m working on patience and creating a culture where my students WANT to come to school. Classroom management? I’m working on that.

I’m actually reading a book by Dr. Dee Bell Williams called “Culture-Focused Teaching.” And it talks about how to manage the classroom in an effective way. Something that resonated with me in particular is in chapter 11 titled “creating a culture of vulnerability.” It discusses how an educator needs to create a classroom in which children feel safe so they can share their emotions. I’ve always believed that relationships are the most important part of teaching students and that if they feel comfortable with you they will explain the emotions behind the actions. Classroom management is a huge component of maintaining a CFC (culture focused classroom), and Dr. Dee continues to explain that through the three Key Components listed in her book, you can create a space students feel comfortable In. I’m working on that.

SIDE NOTE: This concept of creating vulnerability made me realize that educators also need to do this with each other. I think sometimes teachers have a difficult time becoming vulnerable with one another because it seems like it’s such a “cut-throat” system. I don’t think teachers have realized how beneficial it can be to work together. This is not something that comes easily, especially when you work with others who might not embrace team work, but it’s worth the effort. I’m working on that.

I’ve always been fairly good at classroom management, but it never occurred to me that the systems I have in place could be encouraging a negative approach rather then an opportunity to grow and learn. That belief of oppressing the situation rather then addressing it really bothered me. I know that when I’m in the heat of the moment, there really isn’t always time to hash out the actions behind the behavior. But I feel like the shifting of thinking and the changing of our educational systems might enable me to spend that time really getting down to the root of what’s going on with my students.Why are we always trying to “fix” or stop situations rather then discuss them? I realized that my classroom management plan might be enabling the latter and I’m not okay with that. Of course I never went into designing my management plan with suppression in mind-However as I study systematic racism I’m learning some of the procedures that are in place are in fact geared towards silencing children rather than understanding them. I’m working on that.

Looking closely at my past discipline logs, putting student relationships first is likely why I don’t have as many issues in the classroom, but there are always those students that you just don’t “click” with. Sometimes discipline has to be done and as I look at my classroom management plan, although I don’t feel it is set in oppression, I do feel that there are places where I could ensure more empathy and discussions rather than punishment. I think I could create more opportunities to learn and discuss. I’m working on that.

This plant was almost dead when I finally got it out of the classroom. it really didn’t have hope. I probably should’ve thrown it away. But then I noticed that at the very base of the plant, there was a tiny little 🍃 leaf. A little green ray of hope. So I watered it, I transferred it to a bigger planter. I nurtured it. I spoke sweet nothings to it, even though it’s “just a plant” and look at it now. It’s thriving. And as I looked at the past three weeks I invested into this plant, I realize that this same effort needs to go into changing my thinking. that’s how changes are made-Lots of time and effort continuously invested. You can’t just give up on things because it looks lifeless- you can’t just walk away because it’s hard. If I can invest this much time into a plant, why can’t I invest that much time into learning about my country‘s history? learning about Allyship? If I can breathe life into something that was once thought of as dead, I can certainly invest that same time into bettering myself.

As I’m working on my allyship in and out of the classroom, I’m just now realizing that you don’t always have to address culture via a book. There’s so many different ways to include touching on other cultures, and it seems to me like it would be more in conversations than anything. Here are some ideas I’ve come up with where I can intertwine cultural conversations into what I’m doing every day.

🟣During a math lesson, (I’m specifically thinking of a decimals lesson), you could discuss money and how we spend our money. Through conversation, you could touch on how some children live in apartments, some have homes, some live in campers, etc. I envision a discussion on budgeting, and different home-life. This could even lead into an ELA extension where each child could write about where they live and how their family budgets. I understand this could be a sensitive topic but I think that these types of discussions are so beneficial. I could easily see something like this being done during the month of November, when we are really focusing on being thankful for what we have. I think those students who benefit from white privilege (I am one of those people who didn’t realize it until recently) might discover how different their upbringing is from their peers, and maybe some of them will also see and hear how others struggle. I have an extreme range of economics in my classroom and I think sometimes empathy can’t be reached because the children really don’t understand where each other is coming from. Sort of a “walk in one another’s shoes” type experience.

🔴Word problems can include more cultural names for people in the story as well as using data from real world situations. For example, maybe we could convert a percentage to a fraction and visa-versa using statistics about homeowners versus renters in my state, graduation rates, etc. I see graphs listing our favorite cultural books and charting which students like which books. I see research projects studying various ways to solve math problems using methods from different countries...My point is this: math can easily be tied into conversations from ALL subjects, we as educators just need to get creative!

🟡My grade level does something we call a “walk through the decades,” and we typically touch on two or three large events from that decade per month. I think this is an excellent opportunity to include more Black history outside of the month of February. I would also like to include more female Black women in our history study.

🟢 Studying different careers/career day. I think this is something that has gone to the wayside. When I was in school I remember studying different careers and some kids even had their parents come to class. I think it would help build classroom community as well as a stronger relationship with parents/guardians to show that what they do has value!

🔵Overall Read Alouds- In my classroom, I like to read a chapter book and I usually read one or two chapters every day after lunchtime ( this is a great transition to help get my kiddos settled down after fun time outside.) This typically leads to great conversations with my students and I always choose a book that’s a little controversial, or a little higher than the overall reading level of the class. I do this because I am there as a tool and resource. We can discuss unknown words, we can discuss themes, we can discuss morals etc. I think that some of the new books I’ve picked up to read over the summer will be a great addition to my classroom. Here are a few I’m reading now: “Ghost Boys” by Jewell Parker Rhodes, “Roll of Thunder Hear My Cry” by mildred D. Taylor.

I have been reading SO much and really trying to understand the history behind the decisions our country has made! This Instagram account @officialmillenialblack has taught me so much and connects me to a variety of other sites and resources. I highly encourage anyone (that should be ALL of you...) to check out her page but please be respectful of her time. Don’t send her a million DM’s asking what you can do- research, read and use google! If you can find out how to make a purse out of coke tabs, you can figure out how to be an Ally!

Becoming an ALLY is not something that can happen over night. It, in my opinion, is a concious decision that must be made every day. I struggle with this. Even today, I struggle. I hear what Black people are saying, I see it on the news, and I am trying to understand. I think sometimes things are so ridiculous, that you can’t understand them. And to find out that your foundational beliefs are in fact racist, and that I’ve been surrounded by privilege my entire life, even though I didn’t realize it, is a wake up call I didn’t know I needed.

How shameful of me to not realized it until now! I’m hoping that this statement extends to a few others out there in the Internet world that could possibly relate to what I’m feeling. I feel guilty for not knowing enough, I feel guilty for knowing too much. I feel guilty for not always agreeing, and I feel guilty for questioning others. I was always taught to never question authority (I scoff at that now because some of my most beneficial discussions I ever had were due to me questioning a decisions made by someone with more authority then me.) I think it’s a hard realization to find that the people in your life don’t always think the same way you do. I don’t think that discussing someone’s civil rights and the way they are treated is something that should be taken lightly and I’m having a really hard time just letting things fall into the “agree to disagree” blanketed category. It’s just a very emotional time and I tend to be an empath so taking on others emotions is not something new to me. I feel heavy right now- that’s the only way I can describe it. Making a change in thinking is far more complicated then I ever anticipated and I can only hope that I am helping my own two children develop a sense of humanity far greater than anything I can offer. I just pray that the next generation can squash the racism that has so delicately been swept under the rug.

I’m tired of looking at the world with rose colored glasses. The world is going through a metamorphosis of change and it’s SO important to talk about it.

I have recently gained a following of students from my community which I think is awesome! I love maintaining those relationships and my students are the future of our nation. However, because of this, I often find myself thinking about what I’m posting and what my intentions are for what I post. I censor myself because I don’t want to offend anyone. And sometimes I don’t always speak up and say what should be said- and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for that passive thinking. But today I’m making the decision to post what I feel in my gut, needs to be said. I don’t know why I didn’t think like this before, but I know that people watch and see what I say and do. And I take that as an honor. I take that seriously. I want to make sure I’m influencing the important causes and using my platform well.

The year 2020 has been absolutely insane, the emotional upheaval that has come upon our nation is overbearing but essential. In someways, I feel the pandemic was a blessing in disguise. I feel like everyone was stripped down to their emotional cores. We were raw and then George Floyd happened. The proverbial bottle had been shaken and the damn thing exploded! How could it not? 400 years. Let that sink in FOUR HUNDRED years of oppression, abuse and god knows what else. Protesting and what some are saying a rebellion has begun. This will be written in history. We will talk about this for many years to come and we SHOULD! Today is day 8 and we continue to preach: Black lives DO matter. I think it’s important that we have the conversation, we join the organizations, we march when we can, and we stand up for what we we believe in. We shift our thinking. As a teacher I have a platform and I need to use it. Some will say I’m pushing an agenda. The answer is yes- I AM. If that’s a problem, let’s talk about it. I’m here to listen too.

I see my students posting black squares but no actions- they may not even know what their options for action are. I see them using the wrong hashtags, and I see the confusion and misunderstanding is across Instagram. I want to help, but I don’t want to overstep. I also don’t and REFUSE to sit back, but I want to HELP educate. And the best way for me to do that is to educate myself. I’ve started that process already-

As far as helping others, this is what I can offer right now. A place to discuss, advocate, call to action, etc. mi casa es su casa-So this is me opening the door. My classroom has an open door policy and so does my blog. If someone wants to talk, then please drop me a comment or email. If you have a resource or idea, share it with me. Let’s not forget how we feel right now. Let’s use this as fuel. And as a white person, we need to use our voices to speak for those who are not heard. We need to vote. We need to email. We need to do more then sit behind the screen. We can do this. I can do this.

Today is day seven of protesting, day 70 something of quarantine during a pandemic, it’s primary Election Day, and for some it’s just Tuesday. Today marks the fourth day in a row I have cried watching the news. I am not going to pretend that I can understand what everyone is going through because I can’t- I’m not black. I can’t- I don’t have Covid-19. I can’t- I’m not running for office. But I see it, I hear it and lord knows my heart is bleeding for our society right now.

What I CAN do is feel. I feel like things need to change and it’s terrifying and sad all at once. I feel like I need to be SO intentional in who I vote for and their platforms. I feel like I need to embrace every POC and hug them, let them know I see them and I will stand up for them. And I also feel like I’m NOT entitled to show emotion because I’m white. There I said it- it makes me sad because my emotions are valid, but this movement isn’t about me. It’s so much bigger.. I feel like no matter what I say, it won’t be enough. Not right now. There is so much more we need to do as a society to break societal racism.

It’s confusing and upsetting. I never realized how privileged I was until I REALLY sat down and thought about it. And it’s true- I have had a lot of privileges that I took for granted because I didn’t even realize it WAS a privilege.

As a woman, I have experienced sexual harassment, biases because I’m a “girl,” and I have feared walking down the street alone. I have feared men and their actions. I understand what it feels like to be scared for myself and my daughters. But I don’t feel that 24/7. I don’t feel hatred, biases, and anger 24/7. So as much as I have my own experiences, it pales in comparison to what those of color feel Every. Single. Day.

I am trying to change the way I say things. The way I react or don’t react to things. I’m trying to get out of my comfort zone and confront those who say and do things I don’t agree with. I’m moving out of passivity and more towards actions. I am standing up for those who can’t.

Today is verbal discussions. Tomorrow might be the same thing. However if and when the opportunity arises for me to stand up, understand that this time I will. This time I won’t be complacent. I won’t sit back and laugh at a joke that’s “lightly” racist. I won’t continue the “doesn’t affect me” attitude.

A friend recently shared a cute story with me about a young woman who was on her death bed. She asked for her pastor and was discussing her final wishes with him. Her final request was to be buried with a fork. “ why do you want a fork?” The pastor asked. The young woman explained that every time she attended a social event or dinner, and the plates were being cleared from the table, someone would always lean over and whisper, “keep your fork.” There was always more to come. There was always a delicious dessert, or sweet treat, but there was more to follow the intended meal- Something better.

It’s been a hot minute since I posted. I’ve been busy with life in general and to be honest, the blog just hasn’t been a priority.... but I feel like this might be a platform for me to utilize and speak up regarding education. I’m really not a political person and I don’t like to discuss publicly my views most times... BUT, when it comes to education, I have a hard time NOT speaking up.

Over the last few weeks I have had so many opportunities online to connect with other educators and learn from them. I’m learning about inclusivity. I’m learning about poverty moreso then I ever did. I’m learning about technology and how to adjust my current method of teaching. And I’m learning that even though things in education have changed, in many ways, the things about education that I wish didn’t exists, continue to stay the same. I am linking my Instagram post regarding my feelings on this. Give it a clickity-click-click and check it out!

I mentioned earlier this month that I had been given an opportunity to go to Oregon for a training. The training was called Safe and Civil Schools and the idea behind Randy Sprick’s materials is that we create a culture in our schools where we can learn and include ALL learners in that process.

http://www.safeandcivilschools.com/index.php

I ended my school year with a bang and of course there were tears. I’ve already run into a few of my “prior” students ( it feels so weird to say that/ like, we literally spent the last 178 days together...) and it’s been fun to see them and see what they have been up to.

So I did it-I took the leap and I accepted the offer to take on a project. To be honest, I was terrified. I didn’t want the job, or to work with the people involved on the project, or deal with the drama that came of this project...but I did it anyway...It took 35 hours of my life on paper, but after the fallout from the other people involved, it was more like 40 hours. I think I got a little more gray hair as a result, and I got pushback from people who refused to ackknowledge that the project provided was positive. BUT, I learned to delegate. I leaned not to take things personal. I learned to follow my gut and be thorough. And I also learned that I am more than capable, I know what I’m doing and I need to trust in myself more.

This was a tough project and my involvement was the result of having to remove people from certain tasks and put me in as a replacement. Needless to say, the vibe was already a tad bit negative. However, I did a very thorough job and made sure to do my best. I also prepped myself mentally to let the chips fall as they may and not take any feedback personally. I tried to look at everything with neutral eyes and tried to keep the project goals in mind at all times.

After a month of reviewing my project, a few changes were requested and they were absolutely valid. However, there were also a few suggestions that were blatant attempts to undermine my work. At this point I realized what a blessing/curse this project was. My admin was able to see through the requests and handled it accordingly, however it really upset me that we even had to deal with that situation. It made me think about working with other people and I asked myself “do I lift others up? Do I acknowledge others success?” And I realized that my answer to this was “yes”, but also “...but you can do better.”

These are the types of situations that make it difficult to work with colleagues. I know my school can’t be the only place where there is a struggle to get along. I don’t understand why grade level teams can’t collaborate and come together. Sometimes I feel like it’s a contest to see who is better then someone else. And I don’t know how to fix that other then by modeling. (It’s the teacher in me 😉.)

With that being said, my new project is to try and build up my colleagues- even the ones who I have had struggled with this year. At the end of the day, we (me) must maintain professionalism and keep the student’s best interest in mind.

SO, the other highlight of this project was my ability to put myself out there. I showed my admin that I’m willing to take on the work. It resulted in a fantastic invitation to attend an out-of-town training this summer, as well as a potential new position in the future. It’s all about making connections and staying positive!

I decided to do a social experiment with my class involving an idea from a book we love dearly. “Flying Solo” is a story about a fifth grade class whose substitute doesn’t show up and they decide to run the class themselves. Now naturally, I couldn’t actually leave my class alone. But our compromise that we developed was that I would sit at my desk and completely ignore the students. Sounds easy right? Well it wasn’t! Honestly, out of everything that went down today I think the hardest part was keeping my mouth quiet and not saying anything to the students and letting them independently lead their day. I promised my students I would only step in if there was going to be physical harm, or if there was an emergency. The students asked, no better yet, DEMANDED that I let them work out their problems and see if they could figure out what needed to be done.

I laid out my sub plans like I normally would do and sticky-noted the schedule and everything that I wanted students to follow. I have to admit you guys, I didn’t expect them to be able to hang. But I was pleasantly surprised when they not only pulled off everything that was required, but even problem solved when their teacher (that would be me!) forgot to leave a writing prompt. I think the golden nugget of this whole situation was when my student went up to our standards board, which I was convinced they ignoring on a regular basis, and figured out we were doing descriptive narratives. THEN, they took it even further and came up with their own prompt. Every single kiddo was writing. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE!

So I know it’s only been a month. I KNOW that I made a vow to stay positive. This week has been a challenge. I’ve had a few ups and downs on the personal side of life- health scares with people I love dearly, finances, relationships with colleagues, friends, spouse...struggles in the classroom. Needless to say, it’s been rough. BUT, I think a positive from this is the ability to just BE. Feel the stress. Deal with the emotions and then figure it out. I was able to solve a few problems, put out a few fires at work and home, and everyone in my little world had what they needed. It’s so easy to get caught up in what is going on and lose sight of what you have. I have to constantly remind myself (I’m actually ashamed to admit that- it’s humbling and for some reason also makes me feel guilty?!) So today I am trying to be thankful.

I am thankful for my job- I honestly don’t know what else I would be doing. It has tons of highs and lows but the good far outweighs the bad.

I am thankful for my family. My husband, mom and dad, siblings, nieces and nephews...I could go on. I’m blessed with a large extended family and they really are the best people in the world.

I am thankful for my daughters. They always teach me to be compassionate and loving. I get tunnel vision when I’m focused and I tend to not be as loving as I can be. My little girls constantly remind me of what kind of person I need to be.