BrandyBennett

I find myself difficult to remain within a civil discussion to make a plan of action when arguments start to brew after one stops listening to the other.

Any tips to negate arguments and know when to compromise with colleagues or rivals alike?

Thank you for you time, I'm enjoying throughly reading your blog.

Off the top of my head:

Identify the decision maker. Who's making the final call? Hint: It should be one person. Consensus driven decision making doesn't work for group projects. If everyone is a decision maker, then no one is a decision maker because nothing will get done in the likely event of a disagreement or gridlock. Note that you can (and should) listen to everyone's input, but there needs to be a single person who breaks the tie and makes the decision- identify that person.

Align on the north star. What's the goal of your project or work? What does success look like and how will you know when you've achieved it? If you're building a home, is success having the foundation, walls, and roof installed? Or is success also having the furniture, paint, and decorations put into the house? Align on the same definition so your group can use it as a guiding principle when making decisions.

Document expectations. Put everything in writing and make sure everyone is in agreement with the goals, timelines, and performance expectations. Everyone should know, at any given time, what they signed up to do, by when, and how it should be done. When in doubt, refer back to this charter. People have short memories so get it in writing.

🌺 do not have phone calls that last more than one hour. your brain literally cannot take 4 hour long conversations anymore plus you can have multiple calls in a month with someone instead of one massive never-ending catch up call biannually.

🌺 write your first book’s first draft. you’re going to turn 24 and you’ve attempted this since you were 13. don’t let perfectionism, fear, laziness or good-feel quotes about not putting age limits on goals let you get out of the one thing you say is your life’s goal.

🌺 your goals and worries at this point are not like that of any friend or person you know. that’s literally all of your 20s but especially now. this time is your opportunity to fix what’s broken. only when you do that can you enter back into the whole ambitious career race. until then do what you need to. and don’t feel stressed or shit about it.

🌺 go for therapy. i swear you’ll find a good therapist at some point and it will do you a world of good. not wanting to put your emotions on your family and friends is a good intention but you need help. and you’re fortunate enough to have access. just do it.

🌺 get that baking oven and let yourself fail multiple times at baking things you want to. it’s the only way to be able to get to a point where you can stop asking your friends to bake you stuff and be the one who feeds all you love with soft bread and strawberry shortcake and nutella brownies.

🌺 i know it sounds very basic but yoga is what your mind needs. more than your body really. now you will have the physical and mental space to do it. start your day with it. end your day with it. whatever. just have it be a part of your day.

🌺 friends are important and precious but not as much as you’ve always thought. sorry if it sounds unkind but you can’t invest so much emotionally and otherwise in people hoping that they fill that god-shaped hole in you, or you theirs. have them in the frame of your life but let them be in the background please.

🌺 don’t let anyone shame you for not reading the news or know what horrible thing is happening in the world or being too ‘privileged’ for not attending political protests because unless they are coming and helping you take care of your mental, physical and financial help, they can fuck right off. you know what? they can fuck right off regardless

🌺 going to bed by 11 pm is not something to feel bad about. if you’re able to do that it’s actually a very beautiful thing. it’s not getting older or boring or whatever. it’s listening to your body and mind.

🌺 the light of your laptop and phone literally hurts you after a point. the doctors have said it’s not good anyway. let’s find ways to spend more of our time without screens. first order of business - get your typewriter fixed.

🌺 apply glitter dust to your eyes and learn to play the ukulele even if it seems frivolous because honestly bro that’s just life. if it’s all meaningless and purposeless then do the things that bring you joy.

🌺 but also like don’t give up hope. i know it feels like your life has been put on pause and you don’t know what to do with all this uncertainty but i’ll tell you what not to do - dream small. you can still have everything that you want. you just don’t have to get it all in one year or in one go. patience is a virtue and only time will tell if you have it. i hope you do. if not, attempt. learn.

🌺 put your art out there. no seriously share your writing. do the old school thing and submit it to magazines. to the new thing and self-publish a poetry collection on amazon. or just like share it on your social media. i know it’s got nothing to do with whether or not you’re proud of your work. it’s the fear of people making whatever it is out of your words and hence making whatever out of you. since the two hardly have a distinction. but better they know you than not. people distort your existence anyway. take that risk. don’t wait till you’re dead for people to find your journals and appreciate you.

“Write simple positive notes and affirmations. Give to people or put them up in unexpected places for people to find and enjoy.”

I got the note idea from @Operation Beautiful - I’ve had lots of fun putting these up around the place when I’m well enough to go out.

You can get your own Energy-Saving Self Care cards here: https://buff.ly/2EwVN4H

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