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Here’s a clever inspirational quote I heard recently: “Pursue your dreams every day that you’re alive.  After that, don’t worry about it!”

This quote motivates by reminding me of my mortality, and then reminding me to make each day count.  In other words, “you’ve only got this one life!  Make the most of it!”  Of course, good Christians will quickly point out that actually we believe that an eternal life is waiting for us on the other side.  So maybe this quote doesn’t apply.  And maybe any argument that uses the finiteness of our time on earth to motivate action will fail to have an effect on someone who believes they have eternal life.

This led me to wonder: does Christianity make people passive?

If the question were “does Christianity necessarily make people passive?”, the answer is no, because many have found Christianity to be a strong motivator to proactively pursue all sorts of things.  But there are doctrines in Christianity that people definitely use to justify inaction either purposefully (to avoid having to do something), or inadvertently.  The latter kind is usually combined with honest piety- if we believe God is powerful over all and that salvation is not based on our works but on God’s grace, then we ought never to speak as if our work or effort are decisive in obtaining certain outcomes.  I have come to believe that this type of thinking, which grows out of a certain (well-intentioned) view of how God’s grace works, actually can lead to several distortions in the way we think of the way we make decisions and take action.

Distortion 1: Strong desire for anything besides “holy” things is sinful. 

This is a development of the first commandment “thou shall have no other gods before me”.  The idea is that God must be first in our hearts, and we must not be enslaved by other desires.  But the distortion of this commandment forbids us from having strong desires for anything other than those vocations considered most “holy”, for fear that we have fallen into idolatry.  It makes us suspicious any time we find ourselves excited about less “holy” things like music, exercise, art, career, and even friendships.  So in order to protect ourselves from sin we suppress the desire, or to pretend we don’t have it.  The end result of this kind of thinking starts looking like a type of Buddhism- aiming for the eradication of pain (in this case sin) via the eradication of desire.

Distortion 2: Only decisions that God has explicitly decided for me are legitimate, and Distortion 3: Spontaneity is more spiritual than planning.

I think this kind of thinking is everywhere.  Many people will say, “I am waiting to hear what God wants me to do about X”.  This is a pious, dependent impulse, but what is usually behind this is a fear that acting before God speaks in a direct, clear, and concise way is sinful, since this is depending on one’s own intellect, ability, etc.  This fear of leaning on one’s own strength also comes out in protest against “too much planning”, as if using our own strength has an inverse relationship with how much God can work.

What all of these distortions have in common is an extremely sharp (and in my opinion, artificial) distinction between God’s word, work, and will and our intellect, actions, and determination.  Once this distinction is made, our own effort is labelled as useless, since they are entirely separate from what God’s plans are for us.  This leads us to think that our only duty as Christians is to wait and pray for deux-ex-machina type events where God acts or speaks in a sudden and decisive way, disregarding our own responsibility.  This is the forth distortion:

Distortion 4: Effort is unnecessary for success.

The four distortions above are roughly the opposite of the four steps in creating lasting change in our lives.  In order to create lasting change, whether that is learning a skill, developing in character, or nurturing someone else, we must have 1) a strong desire to do so, 2) the will to decide to change our current status quo, 3) a plan to help us get there, and 4) the persistence to put that plan into practice each day.  After learning about these four steps for the first time, I was told, you have the power to change your life and the lives of others for the better!  I felt so empowered by this simple but powerful realization.  And I wondered why I had never been told this in church.

I don't usually post these here but I really liked this book. You should read it! This book deals with moral psychology, trying to describe the peculiar ways in which we make moral judgements, why different people tend to have different moralities, and applying it to explain our politics (particularly US politics). The author Jonathan Haidt is a professor so his writing is nuanced and analytical, and he cites tons of studies to back up his points. The organization of the book is also excellent- section headings are logically ordered, and he always gives a summary at the end of each chapter to help you remember his main points. It does get a bit into the weeds of research sometimes, but the language not terribly technical and I think most of the topics will be completely attainable since it deals with the intuitions that all of us experience in our lives. There are 3 main sections with 3 main points in the book:

Humans make moral judgements intuitionally, then use post hoc reasoning to justify our judgement instead of the other way around.

There are (at least) 6 broad "intuitions" that people use to make moral judgements, and people who fall into liberal, conservative, or libertarian camps tend to have similar "profiles" of which intuitions they care about most.

Humans are selfish most of the time, but sometimes we can transcend that selfishness through group belonging and cooperation.

My church and most Christians I know do their best to avoid the pitfalls of the Prosperity Gospel, a distortion of Christian belief that promises material prosperity for those who keep the faith (1).  But I wonder if there is another Prosperity Gospel that we fall into- one that preaches health and wealth not of material things, but of our internal emotional, mental, and spiritual life.  Both false gospels can sneak into our thinking undetected until it is exposed.  As the Prosperity Gospel fails because it is not robust enough to give life during times of physical suffering, the Psychological Prosperity Gospel fails during times of internal struggle and anguish.  

The Prosperity Gospel at its core preaches that God wills for all his people to prosper materially in this life, and it says that the one key to unlocking that prosperity is faith in God (2).  Therefore, if you find yourself not prospering, the reason is that you don’t have enough faith.

The Psychological Prosperity Gospel says that God does not will for all his people to prosper materially.  In fact, it says that God wills for his saints to suffer (2 Timothy 3:12).  However, the Psychological Prosperity Gospel says that even in suffering, God wills all his people to always have joy, peace, and a sense of purpose.  The one key to unlocking this internal thriving is faith, an intimate relationship with God, prayer, etc.  Therefore, if you find yourself struggling internally, or depressed, or apathetic, or fearful about the future, the reason is that you don’t have enough faith, or haven’t prayed enough, or are otherwise disconnected from God.

Both gospels are about “this side” of eternity- that is, they are about the current life (since nobody would deny eternal prosperity in the coming Kingdom of God 😀)

Both gospels seem to have biblical support in some places, usually promises of God:

Put me to the test, says the LORD of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need. (Malachi 4:2)

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 1:3)

...but then are refuted by other places which make clear that the promises do not apply unconditionally, even for persons who are sufficiently “spiritual”:

Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life will be persecuted (2 Timothy 3:12)

A thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)

And both gospels are fatally refuted by the example of Jesus himself when he demonstrates that external and internal struggles can both be God’s will for us:

Now is my soul troubled.  And what shall I say?  ‘Father, save me from this hour?’  But for this purpose I have come to this hour.  Father, glorify your name.  (John 12:27-28)

It’s interesting that when we study the bible, sometimes we will try to escape prosperity-type interpretations of verses by substituting in a psychological-prosperity-type interpretation.  e.g. for Malachi 4:2, we might say, “Well, we know God doesn’t promise to give us everything we want, but he does promise to give us everything we need, and he promises to be with us and to give us peace even in the midst of hardship.”  But by doing this, we may have stumbled from one false gospel to another.  The fact is that losing our joy and purpose and otherwise struggling internally is part of every Christian’s journey, and it is not always because they have done something wrong.  Therefore, having internal struggles large or small does not necessarily mean that we have gone outside God’s will or otherwise displeased God.

The Psychological Prosperity Gospel harms us by giving us false expectations of God, and false expectations of ourselves.  Like the Prosperity Gospel, it reduces God (and human experience) into a simple if-then, where if we do everything right then God has to give us joy and peace.  It makes us think that if we don’t have peace even when we’re faithful in praying, then God has abandoned us.  When we struggle to see the “good effects” in bad things (often equated with having joy), or feel apathetic, it makes us immediately think that we’re disconnected from God due to sin or not keeping up on our spiritual disciplines.  Ultimately, it makes us assume that weakness in motivation, weakness in love, weakness in conviction, weakness in mental fortitude, weakness in being able to “hear the Spirit”, weakness in having joy, weakness in perspective, that all these weaknesses have no place in the Christian life, and are never God’s will for us.

But read 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 again.  “My power is made perfect in weakness!”  What kind of weakness?  Physical weakness only?  Material weakness only?  May it never be!  When we obey God in the presence of external struggles, God’s power is made perfect in our external weakness, and when we continue to make choices in accordance with our allegiance and trust in God during our time of internal struggling, God’s power is made perfect in our lack of joy, perfect in our lack of a sense of direction, and (dare I say?) perfect in our weakness of faith.

So let us not stigmatize these kinds of weaknesses in Christian community.  Let us not assume that these kinds of weakness are always indicative of a flaw in character or in practice.  Let us treat all weakness as an opportunity to fight to glorify God, whether the weakness ends up going away or not.  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, calamities, boredom, purposelessness, loneliness, depression, restlessness, and uncertainty of the future (3).  For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Footnotes

(1) Tenuously related, but if you like to laugh and cringe at the same time see (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxlS79Q3EXk).  I can’t watch the whole thing at once.

(2) Faith in God for what, or of what? Probably faith that God is the kind of God that gives whatever you want and that you are the kind of person that deserves whatever you want.

I planted some flowers on my balcony this spring.  While looking online for tips on plant care, I learned about the concept of deadheading which is when a gardener trims off stems/flowers that are starting to wilt.  As I understand it, this stops the plant from trying to maintain dying flowers so it won’t spread its resources too thin.  To be honest though, I usually don’t do this very consistently because 1) I’m lazy and 2) I feel like I’m hurting the plant.

It hasn’t been an easy season.  I think I’ve doubted God more than I can remember doing so ever before.  And one of the questions at the center of my tumult has been how I should think about God’s purposes and involvement in certain past events.  It’s the classic problem of evil in its specific form.  I know that the are tons of answers to the theoretical problem of evil, but those answers don’t help me make sense of how to interpret God’s intent in the specific things that have happened.  So although I remain fairly certain that he’s there, it sure feels like I can’t reliably interpret what he’s going to do, and I don’t have a phone number I can call to hear him explain.

Why is not being able to have an explanation such a roadblock for me right now?  As I’ve been thinking about it, I think it comes from the way I’ve viewed God and the way I interpret certain verses in the Bible.  Those in the reformed camp, who love John Piper and all the rest, lean hard on Romans 8:28 during hard times- All things work together for good for those who love him.  When we encounter trials, we labor to assume it is meant for our good, not for our destruction.  And the way that comes out is that we always try and find the good side of something, or something we learned, or the direct or indirect benefits of what happened.

When we do this, what we are implicitly trying to do is to show that a perceived bad event was actually a net gain.  Sure, what happened was bad, but good things came out of it as well, and the good outweighs the bad so overall this was a good thing so PTL.  But this kind of calculus is completely inappropriate for some situations.  For example, I heard a story of a couple who lost a child in a miscarriage; how is it at all ok to try and point out all the “beneficial side effects” and try and stack them up against the life of that kid?  What about someone who was abused?  In that case I think trying to weigh the pros and cons at all is utterly callous.  When the hurt is great enough, a cost-benefit analysis loses its explanatory power and becomes actively unhelpful.

I think that as Christians we cannot believe that “All things work together for good” means that each individual event that happens, taken by itself, will have a net positive effect on my life.  I think we need to have a more nuanced view that allows us to be honest in calling something bad when it really is bad, while still having hope that in context of future events, this will have been a necessary step that God in his wisdom made us go through.  This is kind of where I have settled- I must honestly say that some things that have happened are mostly negative, and that if there are good things to come, I haven’t seen that yet.  But I need to fight to believe that good will prevail in the end.

It’s confusing.

You wonder if you heard things right.  You wonder who to blame, but there’s not really an answer.

Other people telling you to trust in God starts to not make sense because you did and then he came through... and then he didn’t?

The lesson you thought you learned goes in the trash.

The testimony you were telling others gets awkward.

You start wondering if “God is good” is a statement that can be understood.

You wonder if God did the miracle because if he did then he’s contributing to your misery and if he didn’t then it wasn’t a miracle.

You realize that it’s really hard to tell if any particular event is God fulfilling his promise or not.

Fullness and emptiness, joy and sadness, ecstasy and despair; both will always continue to be essential ingredients for this side of Christian life.  The purpose of one is to whet our appetite for higher things than the toys we play with, and the purpose of the other is to discourage us from satisfying that appetite with anything in this life.

In fact, it’s probably not even primarily about sin mitigation.

God wants his children to be holy, and he hurts when his children experience pain.  But if God’s ultimate goal for us was to avoid the risk of pain and sin as much as possible, it might be more efficient to skip community, friendship, dreams, striving, relationships, marriage, kids, ambition, hard work, the great commission, and all these things altogether.  After all, we all know that conflict and hurt feelings inevitably happen when people start caring about each other, and that all the goals and achievements we gain can turn into idols.  So why do any of that at all?

I had two pretty different musical experiences this weekend.  It reminded me that playing and hearing music is rea

Just now I went to Maxim Vengerov’s UMS performance, which was phenomenal.  He’s a master- check out this video of a piece that he played tonight.

Secondly, on Friday we had a sendoff for a friend who was returning to Japan after an exchange program.  We found out that he plays electric guitar, so we decided it would be fun to play some music together (my parents have an electric drum set and bass guitar in their basement).  We played Lose Yourself (by Eminem), Can’t Stop (by RHCP), and In The End (by Linkin Park).

Part of the fun of performing is that you as the performer have a plan that the audience doesn’t know about.  So after doing a lot of prep you get to show everyone what you cooked up, and hopefully surprise and delight them.  Seeing things come together makes all the prep worth it.

On the other hand, jam sessions are fun because you get together with a bunch of friends with little to no plans.  Someone starts playing a song, which leads into another one halfway through.  You might miss notes or play off key, but everyone keeps following and the music goes on.

So is life (specifically Christian life) more like a performance or a jam session?

Some days you know where God’s telling you to go, and what you want to do.  So you plan and prepare, working hard at learning new things, growing, encouraging and ministering to other people and seeing things bear fruit.  You practice purposefully and play the music when it’s time.

Some days you have no idea what’s going on, and the best you can do is eke out a few notes as you go through your routine work and church and rest cycles.  Maybe you throw in some improv-ed licks but not all of them land.

...is what I say to myself in my most cynical moments.  People like me don't like saying things beyond what we can actually prove or verify or believe because it feels fake.  But there is a "hope" aspect of love/commitment/faith (or perhaps, it is inherent to specifically humans' experience of love/commitment/faith from God) that inherently goes beyond what is known and seen. A loving word that ends at what is seen and merited is not really the love anyone is looking for, which is why when we encourage others we sprinkle in a little bit of exaggeration, or maybe we smile more than we actually feel or say things more firmly than we actually believe.  

In our day we tend to look up to those whose lives influence many people.  And we less often praise those who had a deep impact on just a few people. Perhaps that is to be expected; those who have a wide influence are more widely known and therefore more universally applauded.  But especially given the speed and reach with which information travels today, our pool of role models is probably skewed in one direction, and subsequently our generation’s definition of impact is also skewed towards the broad and the well-known.  

One phrase you hear during reunions is, “you haven’t changed a bit”.  I think people say this endearingly.  On first thought, this phrase seemed to me to be almost definitely inaccurate (because people are always changing) or even possibly offensive (suggesting that the person hasn’t grown much).  On deeper consideration, I think the phrase probably actually means something like this:

I’ve been away for a while, but I haven’t met anyone else quite like you.  It’s good to see you again.