Det. Elliot Stabler

“We’ve both been working a lot lately.” She agreed. “That’s the downfall of this job, sometimes it feels like it consumes everything else.” Something Olivia had never really felt in her younger years, but now that she was a mother she was far more conscious of the time that her job took up. “It seems that we’ve been trying to spend more time together and we can’t make it work, that’s what I’m looking forward to.” Over his time being home, she had come to learn that she didn’t mind having his attention when she could get it.

Olivia breathed a sigh as he echoed her sentiment. She had spent so many years missing him, and now he sat in her kitchen as though it was the most natural place for them to be together. It was the shift she had longed for.

And Elliot wanted to be that. Years ago he promised to support Olivia on her journey to motherhood any way she went about it, and even over ten years later, he intended to keep that promise. Elliot also wanted both Olivia and Noah that he was there for them. And for Olivia to know he was never leaving again. He couldn't bear the thought of doing that again.

So, reconnecting and talking, getting to relearn parts of each other that had changed since they were last together had become priority to Elliot. This time right now, he wouldn't exchange it for anything in the world.

She nodded her head as he spoke, soaking it in. Of course he didn’t have time to consider her, he was in crisis mode; but her mind had always told her that he didn’t stop to think about her because he hadn’t wanted to. “It’s just… I couldn’t have imagined leaving and not talking to you, or thinking about you.” That part had weighed hard, the image of how she would have handled herself in such a situation.

“It’s really hard for me to put all of that aside and believe I can trust you again.” Knowing that he left in a panic induced state almost, leaving without one thought in her direction. “We had been promising to have one another’s backs for so long—and you left me behind.” A slight shake of her head followed.

Maybe it's what came from being together since they were thirteen and fourteen years old. There were tells, signs, from the times Olivia did come up or when he'd be staring too far off into the distance, wondering what she had going on in New York. All the decisions he made, he thought he was right, but looking back, seeing it from a different perspective now that things were laid out in front of him, it caused a lot more pain for them both. Olivia especially.

"I've missed you a lot, Liv," Elliot sighed, taking a step toward her, needing to be closer to her even if they don't touch. "There were days I almost called. Just to hear your voice."

“I just..” she paused as if having to gather her thoughts. “I expected different from you.” Olivia had been through her share of heartbreaks, through relationships that turned out differently than how she planned, but this had been so different. So much more painful. “You were my best friend Elliot, it felt like I turned around and you were just gone, like none of what we had ever mattered.” Knowing his reasoning hadn’t taken that feeling away.

“I didn’t expect us to ever be more than what we were, but you were my family. Regardless of whoever else came and went, you were there.” The tone of her voice was a mixture of hurt and anger. “It’s hard to let that go.”

Even if that meant hurting the person he had long since taken as an extension of his family. The guilt of it had followed Elliot the last decade; every time he remembered the signal of a text or call being made by her appearing on his phone, having to erase it with hardly any air in his lungs as the distress and pain came across in her words, her voice in voicemails. He never checked them when Kathy was around, needing to not be under her watchful gaze.

“It’s what I needed to do at the time.” Came Elliot’s answer, the familiar quiet shame of the hospital waiting room making its appearance once again. “There was no time for me to consider your feelings, everything was coming down all at once. It was… easier to cut everyone off.”

To pull back and run away from the world he lived in for so long, the people he cared about to the point his relationships became collateral damage.

“Including you, the person I have trusted more in life than anyone else. Who knows me inside out.” Until he made the decision he did, until he broke a part of her by leaving. “And I know, I betrayed that trust. We were partners, for better or worse. Made that vow the second we became partners.”

There were no boundaries that kept their relationship from reaching a depth it was never allowed to before. While Olivia wouldn’t have crossed that line when it was drawn, there had been many occurrences when she wished it hadn’t been there in the first place.

“I have a bottle of water in there if you don’t mind to grab it.” A gentle smile tugged at the corner of her mouth as Elliot seemed so easily willing to spend more time with her than they had allotted in the past. “That sounds really nice, we can grab dinner and just see what we want to get into. Lucy is usually fine to stay however long I need.”

Coming back really did change a lot.

"Then it's a plan," he said, popping open his can before sitting down. The words "a date" on the tip of his tongue but aware of the weight they had in the current context of things between them. "It'll be nice to see you have a night off, those have been pretty rare for the both of us lately."

There were days when he had a bit more time as he wasn't currently undercover, like tonight, where he got to either be home or there at Olivia's with Noah. Splitting his time with the people he cared about, though one of these nights he'll have to invite Olivia and Noah over for dinner.

She had been present for milestone after milestone for his children. Birthday parties, graduations, weddings for his daughters. Olivia knew Elliot’s family better than she knew the little bit of her own she had—with the exception of Noah. She didn’t look at that time in their lives as something she did because she had to, she had wanted to be apart of something and Elliot had let her have that.

“I would still do anything for that array of kids you have.” Light teasing, playful. Even in Elliot’s absence, she had been in touch with his older girls, she thought so highly of Kathleen and how she had grown. Now that Olivia’s own son knew Elliot and his children, it felt as though life had finally come around full circle.

She moved over to the table to sit down, carrying a plate for both of them. “There’s drinks in the fridge, Noah likes a little of everything, grab whatever you want.” Having him in her space didn’t feel out of place like it did upon his initial return, she liked having him around after a long day.

“Are you free this weekend? Noah’s going to a friend’s birthday party Saturday afternoon, I wasn’t planning on staying. I could have Lucy pick him up and stay with him here for a little bit if you wanted to do something.” Olivia was trying to put action behind her feelings.

But now they no longer had to toe that line, not for the same purposes, anymore. Now it was about regrouping and Olivia figuring out what she wanted, if more than a friendship was in the cards for them. He hoped there was.

“Maybe we can find some time.” The words had been said like it wasn’t a big deal. She couldn’t continue to refuse the request if he was going to be such a major part in taking care of she and Noah both. Besides, she truthfully did want more time with him. Time that didn’t revolve around him helping her out when she needed it.

She seemed for more relaxed after a simple change of clothes, like that was all it took to shed off the day’s stresses. “Well, if I can ever do anything that helps you for a change. You’ll let me know?” Olivia didn’t want their relationship to be uneven, Elliot doing all the work and making all the sacrifices.

With those years of pining behind them, where he had been the one in a marriage, it was his turn to make the time and space for her in his life without hesitation. His heart was open to her and had been longer than it should've been, even his children had long since figured that out, even before Kathy's death. If Dickie's questioning of Olivia back in the day wasn't proof enough of that.

"Will do. But you were always there for me, Kathy, and the kids when they were growing up, you're still there for us now," Elliot reminded her, it wasn't unbalanced between them in his eyes. If anything, Olivia had done so much more than most would back then. Even at the price of hurting herself. And he never wanted to put her in that position again.

Elliot's shoulders relaxed when their hands touched. "Yeah, I'd like that."