And we would toast to me, oh, let the players play

SEBASTIAN: I can't imagine anything worse than hooking up with him and then never getting to see those thighs again. A support group would definitely be needed.

SEBASTIAN: Oh, picking out a gift that sends a passive-aggressive message would be fun.

SEBASTIAN: Okay, so I'm not crazy. That text WAS something.

SEBASTIAN: How was I supposed to respond to that?? He just sent it without any warning.

SUGAR: Right? Total travesty. Those poor souls have probably yet to recover and I can't blame them.

SUGAR: Honestly what should be expected of you tbh. It'd be marvelous.

SUGAR: IT WAS. I'm still in shock.

I think it stems from some old superstition, not sure what culture, I’d have to look it up. Like how did it start, why, and for what reason are we still following these rules and traditions? I just hope this next decade doesn’t go by as fast as the last one. 

Possibly. Superstitions are tricky, some make sense but others like not letting a black cat cross you just seems a bit silly. Please do and let me know if you learn anything cool about why exactly we listen to a groundhog whose name I can’t pronounce. Same! This decade is gonna be my 20s and I plan to enjoy them for as long as I possible can so I need time to take a huge chill pill.

You’re really taking stock into this, aren’t you? Yes, that definitely makes sense. I was just going to say, don’t you have to read quite a lot of information as a Psychology major? Are you spacing out your mandatory classes over the years so you don’t have to do exactly that? I’m sure you will. What is it you want to do after you graduate? If it gives you any solace, most kids don’t study enough but that’s nice to hear. Oh, I absolutely agree. The people I do consider to be my friends are fantastic in the insult department because they’re witty. Throwing any old insult around just makes you look insecure.

I don’t do anything half-ass! Except, maybe icing things but that’s because it takes a lot of effort and i’m just trying to eat the dessert. A lot of information. The amount my brain has to retain is a bit more than I expected but it’s at least interesting so I want to retain it. I am! I have the ability to not worry about how long this is going to take or having to cram everything in at once, and I’m taking full advantage. The last thing I want is to try to overload and just crash. I’m torn between wanting to pursue something where I can work with kids and something where I get to travel around a lot interviewing people. I gotta narrow it down, but both are intriguing in their own right. It definitely does. No one can roast you like a friend can, that’s practically a requirement for a good friendship.

Seriously. Give us all the fitted jeans with big pockets in sizes above a 0, dammit. And more designers that aren’t creepy old men. Well, I actually wanted to ask you something, so you we can def make this cloak and compliment thing happen very soon. What a total waste of jacket. I shouldn’t be surprised since most of them think a button down with sneakers is ‘dressed up’, we really shouldn’t take any of their opinions on fashion seriously.

Yes! Like that isn’t asking anything at all. It’s just a very basic request that would benefit us all. Right? Too many old dudes not enough new and talented people of color who won’t put on odd as hell fashion shows. A great way to elevate my year, especially after taking ten years to get through January. Honestly! I think I’ve met maybe four men whose opinions on fashion I’d listen to and even then I’m still taking it with a grain of salt. We know we gotta trust the truly knowledgeable people; those who don’t like skinny jeans.

SEBASTIAN: That's very true, otherwise we'd have people left and right going on and on about how lifechanging that body of his is.

SEBASTIAN: Let's be real: I won't be invited so I won't have to witness a moment of it.

SEBASTIAN: Oh, you should see the messed up thing he said to me last night.

[attached screenshot]

SEBASTIAN: HUNTER: I wanted you to have someone, especially a man, who liked you for you, and that ended up being me.

SUGAR: They would have organized some sort of support group for recovering from those thighs.

SUGAR: He would invite you cause he's nice but they'd for sure hope that you just sent a gift to be polite or something.

SUGAR: WHAT?

I’m not entirely sure on the science of that but it could check out. The fact that we’re in a new decade is completely throwing me off. It’s weird to think about but you’re right too, I’m not sure I’m ready for the end of this year and jumping onto the next. The opposite? I wonder who made up the rules and came to these decisions.

Same! I still feel like 2008 was a few years ago not over a decade ago. Time is so fake. I feel like whoever decided any of this was a little bit high. Because, honestly, no sober person came up with the idea to listen to a groundhog about weather. 

SAM: I know, right?! This is what my grandma goes through every week? Hell nah, I ain't got the patience for that!

SAM: Oh, I would run through a burning building for banana bread, if it means I get it half an hour earlier!

SUGAR: Your grandma does it every week?! How? How does she have the patience? She has nerves of steel to do that weekly!

That’s because people love feeling like they’re making a difference without actually doing anything. At least the online petitions and bots are less annoying than the people who walk around campus asking me to sign things. At least I still have my likes. This rollout is moving slower than I expected, so I’m happy to keep them for as long as they’ll let me.

They just want to check off the little box in their mind that makes them feel important and gives them something to brag about on Instagram. Right? Like that has to be the easiest way to make people avoid you like the plague. No one wants to go near someone with a clipboard. They’ll get around to everyone just in time to realize how terrible it is and undo it. You’ll probably only lose them for a week which is too long but bearable. 

I believe it. Yeah, school might get in the way of some of the traveling, but we’ll figure it out. Never say never and all that jazz.

We can just be strategic with our planning. Exactly! We’re amazing enough to pull this off regardless of how hard it may seem. I believe in us.

Plus it’s the fashion industry, if anything deserves to be mocked and threatened, it’s def them. Okay you’re gonna have to sport this cloak so I can give some of these compliments right back. Gonna have some final boss music ready so you can make a dramatic entrance. Right? Like can it not also be cute and helpful in my day to day? Can’t my pants accentuate my ass and keep this overpriced phone safe with deep enough pockets? Must we settle for ill-fits and small pockets? Guys can’t talk about lack of pockets not when their jackets alone come with 20 hidden compartments. 

Absolutely. Their standards of beauty need to be challenged and thrown into a dark corridor somewhere. Ain’t nobody got time to hear about how a less than 0 is the ideal when we know better. Absolutely! I’ll have to come see you soon so we can just have all the compliments. YES. Gotta have a dramatic moment. Honestly, it’s not too much to ask. It’s asking for the bare minimum and they ain’t even meeting it. Clearly straight men are behind this. Right? And then they complain about girls stealing their jackets when they don’t even use them to their full potential.

SEBASTIAN: Right? At this point, I might need to start searching for someone he's flirted or hooked up with. I need more details.

SEBASTIAN: Maybe they should skip the dance. The last thing people need to witness is him crushing one of her feet before they even cut the cake.

SEBASTIAN: It surprised me too. It was completely unprompted too. Hey, I wouldn't complain. I'll take any physical compliments from him at this point.

SUGAR: Ooh, that's a good idea! But it might also be kinda difficult cause he doesn't strike me as the type to have hookups with people who are gonna be upfront about that info. He seems very discreet.

SUGAR: That might be a wise choice, I doubt they'll feel the same way, but at least someone is thinking in the best interest of everyone.

Just means we gotta work double time to make up for all that lost time.

If anyone is cool enough to pull off this feat; it’s us. School obviously is gonna take up time, but we’re gonna do great things. 

Much more useful, but so not happening. Does anything really come out of those petitions? I’m pretty sure the most they’ll give us is a letter thanking us for wasting our time typing in our name online and hoping it’ll make a difference. A boycott would never happen. People are way too addicted to their phones, and I know I spend more time on Instagram than most of the apps I use. Ugh, grease and conservatism. Sounds like a Cracker Barrel. 

I have yet to see one be fruitful but yet they’re still popping up by the millions on a daily basis for anything and everything. Or a very generic email that was definitely wrote by some bot and mass produced that someone will take as them ‘having their voice heard’ and be grateful. Instagram knows we’re obsessed and they know that they could do almost anything to their app and we’d still tag along. It’s like a ghost that just. Haunts and haunts no matter where you try to flee to.

I sure hope not. When will you be giving me this book? So you’re more interested in doing things that are more physical? I don’t think I’ve ever asked what your major was. I could sit and read for hours on end, so that’s not a problem for me. You would do well with learning more hands on, it seems. Oh, absolutely. I’ve been focused on my schoolwork since a very young age and don’t see any benefit in holding off my homework or studying until the last minute. Well, you certainly have a point there. And they just look pathetic, trying to insult me when the insult isn’t even close to true. They’re reaching and it’s boring.

As soon as I find one that’s worthy. Finding the perfectly horrific book takes time, Hunter. I like things where it can be a practical application if that makes sense. Just reading and researching for hours can drive me a bit up the wall. I’m a Psychology major, which, I know requires a lot of said researching and reading but it does have its perks. Exactly! But I’ve found Psychology fascinating for years so it’s a bit of a catch-22, one day I’ll get to put it to good use. My father would’ve loved to have you as a child. I was the total opposite, especially with studying. I’ve gotten better, but I have my moments. Ain’t nobody got time for boring. Life’s too short for half baked insults. They either need to be witty or they can go home.

SEBASTIAN: Right? Him looking isn’t nearly satisfying as leaving him speechless or getting a comment.

SEBASTIAN: I can’t even imagine a Rachel Berry wedding. A lot of glitter. At least 4 solos from her, not including her vows, which she’ll also sing.

SEBASTIAN: To be fair, a lot of people here don’t deserve much better.

SEBASTIAN: That sounds incredibly unfair to me, but you’re probably right. He did call me attractive and pretty the other day, so I’m still trying to figure out what that means.

SUGAR: It makes him so much more interesting, but at what cost??

SUGAR: There will also be very glittery dress changes to go along with the solos and the first dance. Which could very well be a dance duet with Finn and imagining Bambi twirling and dancing with her is quite the mental image. He's so, so tall.

SUGAR: You right, you right. Tragic.

SAM: You say that, Sugs, but apparently it takes a year for it to start up its engines and get baked, and honestly, banana bread sounds so much better to me right now

SAM: How long will that take to make?

SUGAR: Seriously?? Who knew bread was so complex.

I love how you made that so positive and vaguely threatening. But I totally agree. Damn, I really gotta deliver on the looks. Especially if you’re wandering around campus all cloaked up. Right? Like yeah you look cute but also hungry. Gotta get the jeans with some give to ‘em. Ugh. The lack of pockets. That’s a villain origin story if I’ve ever seen one. 

It’s what I strive for to be honest. Gotta keep things interesting and some vague threats tend to do the trick. You will! You’re gonna be a whole ass meal and it will put all of us in a state of awe. Exactly! Fashion can and should be practical otherwise you’re missing out on so many good things that you need and it’s just a mess. Truly. Men always try to be calling women crazy but they don’t have to deal with the lacking pockets. They’d be down for the count in no time if we took away their pockets.