BravadoCodex

Doctor cock-topus

if someone gets killed by a grizzly bear or a polar bear it’s like “Damn, that’s unfortunate. Luck of the draw.” but if someone gets killed by a black bear you’re like “What did they do to that bear to make it that angry?”

Grizzly bears? You’re usually fine if you’re minding your business but every once in a while one of them decides to go on a killing spree Sankebetsu brown bear incident style and that can’t be prevented in all circumstances. Polar bears? If it wants to kill you, it will decide to kill you and then do it, not your choice. But black bears? My uncle has been chasing the same bear around his property for years Looney Tunes style with no casualties on either end, what the fuck do you have to do to a black bear to make it want to kill you if chasing one with a broom after it was picking your apples does not provoke them to violence?

we’re so lucky that gilgamesh survived and is a banger. can you imagine if we found the oldest written human story ever recorded and it sucked balls.

I think the Sinister Six would really enjoy bowling, but they're not allowed to go bowling because they all get over-competitive and someone ends up with a large bowling ball sized bruise on their face.