Cause We Really Are

and stupidly i call lo thinking i can talk to her, like she's my friend and we talk like we're friends at this point we only really talk about when im getting there what i'm going to do with my shit and i say "it's all going to the dump" and i kinda mean it and she says "i'll sleep on the couch, you can have the bed" like i'm just an old friend crashing for awhile i don't think i can be in that house with her at night even if we were in different rooms i think i'd sit on that porch like i have a hundred times before and smoke and get drunk. until i fell asleep in that yellow chair and wake up in thick fog engulfed by the grey monster that eats arcata every morning

so next i'll call steph stupidly and i'll ask her if i can sleep on her floor but she knows im the devil knows when i say the floor i mean her bed then she'll make up some shit about her job and say she doesn't know if i can crash she's probably right not to let me but i try anyway stupidly i'm in love with her

and after that inevitably doesn't get me a place to stay i'll text hilda and i'll pretend to be more broken then i am and she might let me sleep on her couch she might want to fuck too which i would do because i'm weak and a night with someone else not just me a night with a warm body next to me would be sunshine on my heart