The Tower card came up upside-down and I immediately thought that this has to do with an internal (I feel that again in my sacral chakra) confrontation and digesting of the current state of things. There’s a lack of connection and support [between your body and the ground] regarding saying ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ and the health that that sustains from deep within and through all which your life affects and is involved in. The position of this card in this spread dictates the general theme for this reading, the point of view it’s working with.

Next, we have the 3 of Swords. This card at a glance represents grief. I’m feeling deep inability to have pain be expressed and represented in the world to mirror your internal state; so this is loneliness. Defences that have been erected at the last minute, coming from your good intentions and ideas but not feeling powerful enough to fight what now and looking back seemed inevitable in how big and hurtful it would become. There is collective mourning here, about this. Many are holding in this darkness of feeling and concern for you. A sense of vulnerability and again, a lack of safety in a way that feels deliberate, cold and lacking in response from places and people who could do something about your fear of such conditions continuing, let alone having started in the first place.

This is the point in conversation, this grief that feels part and parcel with this work (acting, playing, the way you initially showed up), that is the moment when things feel like they will not and cannot change. I want to be clear now, what is being said is that this is also the point that is actively preventing forward movement and change. So it’s both the performance of a block (which has deliberate uses including overwhelming, isolating, confusing and disabling you, its recipient) and the point that when addressed, becomes the place of most clarity regarding what was in the way of the goals you have in doing your work.

The next card is The Fool. Spring. In terms of the opportunities and connections and the need to keep going in the directions that your desires, goals and plans point to, there is no shortage of avenues you can take. There is a whole world of feedback when you will ask, it will be ready to back whatever request you set forward! This is a force that will answer, not just an option to try or something available but a position held by others around you and your work, specifically in response and at the ready for you! It is interesting that this card comes up after the 3 of Swords. The two cards’ dynamic highlights the boundaries of pain and the available relief and therefore exactly where and what the pain is about as it is so concentrated so early on in the conversation and so close to the beginning if we are to think of this reading as an outward-running spiral - just before The Fool’s position in this reading begins to speak about another layer of space (and relief) so soon in the widening circle as this story unfolds for you.

Up next in the reading is the 10 of Swords. Okay, so this is about having given up. Giving up is not wrong. You are completely alone physically and waiting for a response to the fact that you are on the lowest of ground and cannot give anything anymore [in terms of what would be praised as getting back up by the people immediately around you and benefitting from your running on empty]. You are awaiting an end, a suspected fizzling out, unless there will be external intervention of some kind. This is how you’re currently posed. This is an inability to keep driving forward via your own interests and desire, or to use and fold into your efforts something like the uplifting air of The Fool. What you expected and were excited for in doing this work initially is not reaching you at all! Let alone the animation it could naturally spark within you, especially in good community. You are asking if this is all everything has come to.

The second-last card that comes out is The Devil. You are being encouraged (in a way that believes in you and would love to see how you do this) to go as deep and and as far as whatever is concerning and bothering you goes. ‘Concern’ and ‘bother’ as light words and indications of style because force and heavy-handedness as perhaps expected from feeling completely weighed down is not necessary to begin engaging this pivot. This is not about poking and prodding at oneself but about following oneself to be shown and to look at what is truly going on in your reality. This will go past most understandings and conversations that you will have tried to engage so far. There is sense and language and a path forward available to you in this way. You will be taking care of yourself as you go, you will be recovering an experience that you only understood in one way and unbinding and loosening what is tight around you and your throat as you take each breath. There will be smells and sensations that will make sense and scare you at the same time. You are going to fetch and retrieve what is yours, be brave.

And finally, The Ace of Pentacles is the final card that comes up. Your body is where this experience is taking place. Your body’s knowledge can answer questions about your most basic as well as complex needs and desires. Your body’s wisdom is how you started this work in the first place. Your body says ‘No’ to protect you. It calls attention to threats and has the ability to rescind any attempt to override a decision in its jurisdiction once made. But your body also wants to keep playing and exploring and living with you, and if you change course and begin to respond and respect the result of a choice already happening for you; things cannot keep going as they currently are, you will be able to take this opportunity to come home and learn what your pleasure and your knowing of fulfilment is actually connected to for you!

I hope this reaches those who want and need it.