musings of a muse

He told me to be clingy cause he loves it, but fight with me when I want his attention 🤷🏻‍♀️ And it is of no use if I were to fight about this countless of times. Cause I’d know the ending to it.

Hmm.. My greatest regret happened 5 years ago. When I was immature and did something so stupid, my biggest regret. I did something that I am not proud of, a mistake that I wished I can turn back time and just undo it. And because of that mistake, I lost the trust of my parents and I had ruined my relationship with my father. Before this incident, I was a daddy’s girl. Up till the age of 16 I still hug my dad, held my dad’s hands when we’re walking, kissed his cheeks and had tickle wars. I was really pampered by my dad, and when at some point he stopped this. I seek that love elsewhere. Which in turn ruined my relationship with my dad completely. It was the first time ever, that I saw my dad crying in front of me. A man who doesn’t even cry when his mother passed away. Cried in front of his daughter, on that day. I saw the look of disappointment in his eyes, and that image still haunts me till this day. When he couldn’t bare to see my face for a month, when he wouldn’t talk to me. When he chased me out of the house, to live with my uncle. It was the longest time ever trying to recuperate something that was lost, the relationship and the trust. I cried every single day, but my best friend was there with me throughout the entire thing. Something that I am so grateful for. I surrounded myself with the people that I trusted, my best friend and my cousins, just to keep me sane. I tried to not think of it, I tried to keep myself busy. 

Parents, while each and every one of them can be great in their own ways. There are definitely some ways on how our parents have dealt with us that we don’t agree with. Obviously, as a child, we tend to follow whatever our parents want us to do. Parents, not realising that they are pushing their kids to their limits. Not taking it slow and understanding their kid's abilities, pushing them to the edge. 

Of course, every parent wants what’s best for their child. However, that is really debatable. It can differ between these things, whether they want what is best, wants their child to achieve the dreams that they themselves couldn't have done or just to follow the social trends. 

Singaporean parents I feel, are hell-bent on wanting their kids to be the best based on what is on the paper. It has become a social norm for parents to talk about, in gatherings, parties and such. “My child has a degree, my child is a lawyer, my child has gotten All A’s, and so forth.”

Of course, education is important but how can we expect our children to be productive if that is the only thing we wish for them to do. School and then tuition and then extracurricular activities. Sending them to extracurricular activities that they are not interested in, or NOT sending them to extracurricular activities that they are interested in. 

For example, kids that love gaming, don’t discourage that. Instead of banning or confiscating all of their devices, support it. Enroll them to learn programming or game design courses. Lawyers, doctors, pilot and teachers are not the only sought-after career in the world right now. Technology is the future. And in the future, lawyers, doctors and pilots might not be a need for the world anymore. Whereas IT support, game designers, website designers, technology developers are in huge demand.

I am thankful for my parents. Parents who have brought me into this world, perfect and loved. They have sacrificed their time and money, just to give me everything that I ever wanted and needed. There will be no day in my life, where there is no home-cooked meals on the table. Even when my mom had just gone through an eye surgery just a day before, even when she is sick, she have never fail to provide my dad and I, warm home-cooked dishes. I have never seen someone’s passion for cooking as great as my mom’s. Ask anyone what is my favourite dish, the only answer I will ever say is ‘my mom’s home-cooked dish’. What is one thing I would eat for the rest of my life? My mom’s home cooked dishes. Enough said. Even as a child, she would feed me with her bare hands to be honest, that was what made meal times, and her meals even tastier. 

As a teenager, I used to hide a lot of things from my mother. But I’ve reached a point in my life where I feel there is nothing else I should hide from her, and then she became my best friend. Sharing with her all the stupid stories, problems and gossips. She became my listening ear, and laughing like maniacs together over something she did or said. I miss the times when we were staying over at my uncle’s place, and  staying up until 3am just chatting in the dark.