The Looking Glass

I've finally moved away, finally dared to set myself apart. It's been 9 months since the move and I still don't feel like I've accomplished anything. I've lost another grandparent and it's made me realise I've wasted the year. I haven't achieved what I want to achieve, I haven't gotten any closer to my goals.

the last time I was on this blog I was 24, I'm now 27 and everything is different. Life has taken a whole other turn to what I thought it would be. I've lost sight of what I really want in life and where I want to be, because I let the weight of others, and my own, thoughts and opinions take over. I feel lost and like I can't do what I want, follow the career path I set for myself because I have to do what my family wants me to do. I never used to let expectations weigh me down, I lost that part of myself.

I was okay with that until looking back on this blog and being reminded of what I truly want and what truly brings me joy

Finally got myself inked back in Feb

And I hate that I do. She’s not gone, but she’s not around. 

I wish she was the mother she should’ve been. The person who was there from my very first breath, through every single tear and all the joys. I wish she was somebody I could confide all my thoughts in, somebody who knew all the people in my life like I do. I wish she could see it all the way I do, and be able to tell me what was the best thing for me, without agenda. 

I want so bad to call her, but the person I need has never existed in my life