<Entry dated: November 11, 2020>

Every since we met, before we really even knew each other, you were special. A fellow Aussie, someone I could talk to when I felt lonely and homesick, someone who knew what it was like to be alone somewhere without friends or family.

But now I have so many more reasons to call you special.

I’m at a complete loss really on how to even start telling you what you mean to me. I think... I think I would be completely devastated if you weren’t in my life. Maybe that’s a bit dramatic but I really feel like my life would be lesser if I didn’t have you. I don’t mean to remember or remind you of that time but I’m sorry for even thinking that leaving you would somehow make your life better. I know it wouldn’t have made mine better, even then when I was doing it. I shouldn’t have tried to make that choice for you. And I am so, so happy you didn’t let me go.

Every once in a while I get really scared. I get really scared that I’m not supposed to be in your life somehow. It’s silly, I know, but you’re just so radiant. Even when you’ve got the darkest circles possible under your bloodshot eyes and you haven’t slept in several days and your office is a total mess. Even when you’re about to drop dead on your feet and you’re going crazy from listening to the same track for four hours straight, you’re still glowing. You still emit this warmth that I couldn’t hope to match. And that’s why I’m scared. I’m scared that I’ll mess up and take away your light. I’m scared that I’m not worth that light.

(Sorry for the smudge marks from here on out.)

But you, you in your endless patience, will take my hand and hold my face and look me right in the eyes and tell me that there’s no where else you could imagine me. You’ll hold me closer than I think possible and you’ll make me feel like I’m the only one in the whole world who will ever know you like this. You make me feel like I’m special, like I’m worthwhile to have. Like I somehow deserve that light and deserve you.

I’m going to formally apologize for the sides of myself I’ve shown you. I know you’re going to say it’s okay. You’re going to say you’re glad I showed you. Going to say that you will accept and love those parts of me anyways even though they don’t deserve it. But I’m sorry I have them. I’m sorry I’m always like this, so scared and small and weak. I always say I’m going to be better, work harder. For you, I always will. But I know it’s hard to deal with me. I know it’s hard watching me like this. I’m sorry for making you suffer. I’m sorry for being hard to love.

I know you’re busy. Your work is so hectic with all your different clients and you have Channie-hyung and Chris-hyung to worry about and you have your own pack you lead and everything. I know you’re busy and I promised myself I wasn’t going to be a burden to you. I hope I’m not even if I feel like I am.

You said before that I made you forget everything. That when you’re with me all you can think about is me. Is it selfish of me to want to give that to you more often? Take you away from the whole world and have you just. Be mine? It probably is. Really selfish even because I know you always have so much to do and you can’t leave all that and... I know it’s selfish because I want it, need it, just as much for myself as for you.

Sometimes I convince myself that I’m important. I get through my own thick head and I manage to live that reality for a couple days. Weeks if I’m lucky. I fend off the shadows that live in my head and my heart and on those days, I feel like I can just be with you. Those are my favorite days. Those are the days I’ll laugh with you and you’ll comment on how happy I seem and I’ll answer because I am happy. And more and more I find that I can be strong because of you. More and more I find that the shadows go away because of you.

Ah jeez this is just. Not at all what I wanted to say but now that it’s written I can’t bring myself not to give it to you. So thank you for reading this far.

Here’s what I really wanted to say. You are the warmth of the sun after a day of rain. You are the voice in my head that reassures me that I’m real and that I’m wanted. You are the one I know I can call on, no matter what, even though I won’t sometimes because of my stupidity. You’re an existence in my life that I don’t want to live without.

Thank you for always checking in on me. Thank you for being the support I need to stand on days when I’m crumbling. Thank you for respecting my space and never invading it. Thank you for teaching me what it means to lead and be a leader even though I’m not ready for that yet. Thank you for always making time for me. Thank you for chasing away everything that hurts me even when it’s myself. Thank you for making tteokbokki and remembering I can’t eat spicy things and making it mild. Thank you for giving me your hoodie when I was cold and missing you. (Sorry about the other one.) Thank you for showing me your work and taking a break when I asked. Thank you for running baths for me. Thank you for massaging my legs whenever I’m sore. Thank you for finding me Halloween night. Thank you for loving every part of me, even the pieces I still haven’t glued back together.

There will be a million chances after this to tell you too, I know. But I’ll say it now anyways because I can’t bottle it anymore.

I love you too.

I love you more than the sun loves the sky or the stars love the moon. Seeing you even for a moment, even just in passing, gives me so much joy. Hearing your voice, whether it’s soft and gentle or loud and proud, makes my heart flutter. Feeling your touch, when it’s you taking my hand or brushing my hair back or pressing a kiss to your favorite freckle (how do you even remember which one it is?), grounds me and reminds me that I am more than the things I think I am. That I’m learning and growing and becoming a better person for the people around me. For you.

I told you I missed home. I missed home a lot, all the way across the ocean. But you’ve made me a new home right here. And this home is warm and cozy, strong and steady, kind and understanding. This home has a sweet sound, gently beating beneath my ear and it tastes like summer air. This home smells like pine trees and cologne. This home, my home, has a heartbeat and I will always, always want to go back home.

@moonlightchn

25th December 2024

The Christmas holidays are always one of the busiest times of the year for the pack, with the pups wanting to make sure Santa can get down the chimney safely to making sure that there's enough food to feed everyone, there's always something to do. Even on Christmas Day, with Hongjoong wearing a Christmas hat handing out presents while Mikyoung takes plenty of pictures, it doesn't mean it's relaxing when there are 7 excited pups ripping open presents.

The omega watches happily, their parents acting surprised at what Santa brought them, as one of the betas leans over and whispers in her ear. "You ever think about it?" His question is cut short when Hongjoong throws a ball of paper right at his head, causing Mikyoung to shush him and shake his head.

She has, of course she has, just not yet.

Mikyoung has always loved Christmas, has always loved how happy the pack seems to be and it's the one day a year that Hongjoong actually seems to relax. For her, he says, but at least it's something. The bells on her shirt jingle as one of the pups pass her a gift and she smiles, looking over at her brother before opening it.

"What's this?" She furrows her brow, opening the small card and reading the message inside before looking at Hongjoong, confused.

"It's for that new restaurant that you wouldn't— ah, that you've been talking about." She smiles over at him, eyes shining a little as she's touched by the gesture. It may be small to some people but for Mikyoung, who is used to her brother dismissing her interests and always telling her that she's too soft, him showing he actually pays attention means a lot.

Mikyoung had messaged Chan early in the morning, checking to see if he would happen to have some time for a quick visit. She didn't want to intrude, not knowing whether he would be spending it with his pack or family, but when he said he had time, she sent him an address.

Her address. Home, not pack territory, but her home address as she didn't think it would be too long since he must have other people to see.

When Chan arrived, she welcomed him inside out of the snow, smiling as she takes his jacket to hang it up. "Merry Christmas, Alpha Chan." She moves in to give him a small hug, the bells jingling as she moves which causes her to laugh a little, "sorry. The pups love Christmas and I always dress up as Santa's Elf for them." She points over at the Christmas hat, the green and white hat coming with pointed ears.

Her apartment isn't large, a one bedroom studio that is currently in a mess due to all the Christmas paper and rubbish from decorating that she hasn't finished hiding. "I tried to clean up before you got here, I swear it's not always like this." Her cheeks flush a little in embarrassment before she rushes to grab his presents, two small boxes wrapped neatly with a bow on top.

Inside, is a guitar keychain, something she had seen and thought would suit him. "It's nothing flash! I just thought of you when I saw it!" The other was a small collection of star lights, "they can be put outdoors, I remember you saying something about a garden at your pack cabin. Of course, it's up to you where you put them! Just thought that even if you are too busy working or taking care of those around you, you can always take a moment to look at the stars — even if they are just fairy lights."

Sometimes, she thinks, it's okay to give silly little gifts like that. They always find a use somehow.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☃︎ 𝑴𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒎𝒂𝒔

[25th December 2024]

After having returned back to Seoul, Jangmi only had one day to prepare all her gifts before Christmas Day arrived. She had one day to bake and wrap all the gifts, making sure everyone also got their little souvenirs that she had brought back from Greece.

It was a lot of preparation but of course, the hybrid managed to do everything with energy rejuvenated and heart filled up.

A knock on her door causes her attention to shift from putting the final touches on her Christmas tree, decorated with pictures in ornaments, to the visitor she knows is behind the door. Jongin and Channie had come around before they went away so there was only one other person who would be coming to see her on Christmas Day.

Someone she had been excited to see even though they've only spent a day apart.

"Alpha!" Jangmi opens the door and walks into his arms, being careful with the gifts he has. "Merry Christmas!" She smiles, leading him inside before rushing to the oven to pull out the last of her baking. Her entire kitchen is filled with cookies and cupcakes and gingerbread, icing galore and decoration messily scattered around. Placing the last of the cupcakes on the rack to cool, she takes off her apron and rushed over to Chan. "Sorry! It's a little messy in there! I hope the pack is hungry!" She giggles before taking a seat on the couch.

"Before we exchange presents," the hybrid reaches into a box she has beside the couch and pulls out a Christmas sweater that matches her own. "I made this for you! I made one for everyone! Look," she points to Whistler sleeping in his bed in his little sweater. "Can't take Christmas photos without matching sweaters."

She knows that she can be a little much, especially with the holidays; but seeing the way Chan is looking at her, that smile he wears that makes the butterflies in her stomach flutter, she knows he doesn't mind.

And if he did, he's never said it.

Photos are taken and a kiss under the fake mistletoe is had before they finally get around to opening the presents. He had to remind her that he did need to pop around and see other people even if he did want to spend the whole day with her.

Oh, how could she forget? Caught up in her little world with him.

The first gift was a cute little pick holder, something Jangmi had made herself at pottery class. "You can also use it for your keys! I know you have picks in your studio at home and they are so small and get misplaced easily! Now you have somewhere to put them!" She giggles as if it is the smartest gift in the world. The guitar holders were something she had seen at a music shop and bought the right amount for Chan. "I thought, maybe, you could use these for your guitars? Aren't they cute?!"

The final gift wasn't anything fancy, it was simply something that happens to follow the tradition Jangmi has with her seashell collection. "I saw this at a store in Athens. It's a wind chime! It goes perfectly with your bracelets! Now whenever you see it or hear it, you'll remember our holiday!"

A holiday that she'll always remember thanks to him.

When Chan had left, a hug being held on for a little longer than needed, Jangmi returns to the kitchen to finish up the other Christmas treats before her second guest arrived. By guest, she means the God that she's roped into house sitting with her and will be the poor sucker to sit through Christmas movies like he did last year.

Except this year, they'll be doing it in Irene and Chris' house since they are away and pets need looking after.

By the time Doom arrived, everything was packed and ready. Her presents for him neatly wrapped, the baking she had done for him all boxed up and ready, and Whistler is tucked into her arms. "Where is your bag?" She asks, noticing it is just him and nothing else, "Doom! I said we are staying there!"

She wonders if batting her eyes and pouting at him will convince him to stay with her tonight so she grabs his hand, the difference in size strikingly obvious and does exactly that. "Please don't make me stay there alone~"

Once they are finally at the house, Irene having decorated it before they left so that Jangmi could still enjoy the festivities, she begins taking up the space. Whistler needs to get used to the cats, Doom needs to stop scaring Spartan and Jangmi — well, she needs to process everything.

"Doomie!" She calls out his nickname she's given him, using it only when they are alone because she says it makes him seem less scary — though, she's not scared of him at all. "Time to open up the presents!!"

"First, open this one." She places the large Christmas sweater, all wrapped up, on his lap with a smile and waits for him to put it on. Even if it takes a little convincing, she is determined to have them both wearing their matching sweaters. She made one for everyone for a reason!

The box she gives Doom afterwards is a small little jewellery box with a neat little bow on top. Her tail wraps around her as her ears flatten on her head in anticipation. Everyone else Jangmi can figure out, she knows the perfect gift for them but for the God, it's a lot harder because what do you get someone who doesn't care for anything? Inside are a pair of ruby cufflinks set in silver and adorned with diamonds, an elegant set that she thought matched him.

"A gentleman should always have a good pair of cufflinks, I once got told." She smiles softly at him, "and I don't remember you having some so... Merry Christmas, Doomie." She leans over and kisses his cheek, hoping he likes them.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☃︎ 𝑴𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒎𝒂𝒔

[24th December 2024]

"Have we got everything?" Jongin looks at the car, packed with presents even they are only really going for the night. He's more nervous this year, he doesn't know why, it's not like he hasn't spent Christmas with Channie's parents before — he's not a stranger, he's part of their pack and yet...

"Shit—" The wolf pats his pockets, realising he had forgotten something and runs back up to the apartment, leaving Channie behind with the car. Why, oh why, is he so worried?

Of course, Channie knows why, he's been like this ever since he made the gift baskets. Jongin had wanted to make something, give something from him specifically to Channie's parents and the way he second guessed everything showed that he really didn't know what to give parents.

Well, of course he didn't, he's never given anything to his own biological parents so how would he know what to give to the two who have accepted him as their own. What could he possibly give them to show them that he appreciates their kindness, their love? How can he show that he loves them back?

Jangmi said 'when in doubt, make a gift basket', so that's what he did with Channie's help, a bunch of help actually, Jongin went and picked out what he thought Channie's parents would love. Some self-care gift baskets that are werewolf senses friendly.

God, he hopes they'll like them.

"Got my wallet," he says, running back outside and wrapping Channie up in a hug. His nerves are making him clingy, not that Channie seems to mind, "you ready?"

Is he ready?

By the time they had reached Channie's parents place, Jongin's nerves were palpable and he swears he didn't know what a panic attack felt like until now. It's the way that there is so much going through his head that he has no idea what it is that's the main reason.

Sure, he wants them to love their gift and know how much thought he put into it, that he loves them and thanks them for making him feel at home, like part of the family. Another reason is because while Jongin has asked Channie to be his mate, he wants to make sure he does everything right, he wants to make sure when it comes down to planning it — nothing can go wrong.

Jongin always wants Channie's Dad's blessing. As old school and archaic as it may seem... he knows that this isn't exactly the most conventional of situations. Not that Jongin cares, he just wants to make sure the pack will welcome them, him, with open arms when they do take that step.

Would it be bad to do it while they were there? Yeah, he thought about that the entire trip.

It takes Channie dragging Jongin into their room and hugging him, tightly, wrapping him up in safety and security for the wolf to stop worrying. Everything will be okay, that's what he needs to remember, his family loves him and Channie does to, the mostest, as he says, and no matter what happens tomorrow — that'll never change.

[25th December 2024]

When Christmas morning comes around, Jongin wraps Channie up in a tight hug, burying his nose into the younger's neck before taking a deep breath and sighing softly. He knows that everything will be okay, that everyone is still welcoming him with open arms despite what happened with his old pack.

With his dad.

It's the one thing he's been scared of coming happening since it all happening is them treating him like a killer and while the pack hasn't said or done anything to make Jongin feel like that, his mind tells him everything is different now. Maybe it is but it doesn't have to be in a bad way.

"I love you, puppy," Jongin mumbles, feeling Channie try to wiggle free so that he can give back the same tight hugs that he's receiving. "Merry Christmas." He lets Channie roll back over to sleep, the younger wolf mumbling something about how it's too early to be awake but Jongin's stomach is telling him otherwise.

Making his way down to the kitchen while pulling on his Christmas sweater, Jongin had expected to be alone but finds himself greeted by Jack and Jessica who are preparing breakfast for themselves. A small early Christmas breakfast for just them, fresh fruits and waffles on the table, whipped cream and a fresh pot of coffee ready and waiting. With a welcoming smile, they invite him to sit with them.

"Are you sure?" He asks, taking a step forward, encouraged by a warm smile from Jessica and Jack pulling out a seat for him.

Of course, they are sure. Of course, he's welcome to eat with them, to sit and talk with them, spend time with them without Channie present. That's what he learns, quickly, is that he's always welcomed. Always. No matter what his mind tells him, or what his fears try and whisper in his ear, Jongin is welcome in their home because he is a part of their family.

By the time the rest of the family joined them, Jongin had helped Jessica clean up the kitchen and they were sitting and chatting around the Christmas tree, waiting to open presents.

What a sight it must be for Channie, to see his boyfriend so comfortably sitting and laughing with his parents.

Finally, it was time for them to open up their presents and Jongin honestly couldn't wait for Channie to open up the presents that he had gotten for his lover.

"I know that we don't really get cold but I thought you'd love it." Jongin smiles when Channie opens the oodie that he had found, having found a little bunny one for Rinnie and not wanting to miss the chance to get the yoga frog one. "Also, Alice knitted you the frog beanie and sent it from England. I said we can video call when they wake up so Rinnie can open up her presents from us while on call." The wolf's best friend had gone away for the Christmas period with their niece so they weren't able to spend time together so Jongin made sure they could, somehow and some way. The mugs didn't need to be explained, another set to go with their growing collection but this set was different, it was special. Jongin had commissioned these ones from the lady that Jangmi takes pottery lessons from, wanting something that is one of a kind just for them.

A special commission, for a special puppy. His puppy.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☃︎ 𝑴𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒎𝒂𝒔

[22nd December 2024]

She knows he's tried, every year, he's done his best for her. Irene loves the holidays, finding joy in all the little days that humans give certain dates and while she knows Chris couldn't care for them, she watches him do what he can just to make her smile.

Especially Christmas.

Irene cannot figure out why Christmas is so important, why it is something she has always wanted to celebrate. It's always been a time of year that she's felt more at ease with and maybe it has something to do with a memory she can't quite remember as a child but whatever the reason, the festivities always made her smile. More so since she decided to make her home on Earth, more so since she had people to celebrate it with.

Their bags are already packed and by the door before Chris walks into the house. "Ready?" Irene smiles up at him, grabbing one of them and making here way out towards the camper that he had gotten for his birthday.

Yes, Irene loves Christmas, she loves the holidays and all the celebrations that come with it but Chris? She loves Chris more and feels like it's about time to give him a break from the holidays.

Usually this is his time of the year, his break away from society. She knows he needs it and she's been incredibly selfish with his time as of late so Irene had wondered, and asked, if maybe this year - they go away and disappear for a while. It’ll be a time to get away from all the noise, where he calls the shots and Irene will follow with a smile. It had been a conversation, what about the cats? What about her dog? What will happen to their plants and their house?

"It'll be handled, my love, don't you worry." She had smiled, patting Chris on the chest as she tiptoed to try and kiss him. "Just focus on getting away."

It was all handled, delegating duties had somewhat become a speciality at this point for her considering her year had been spent focusing on her partner and the life they shared. Spartan went to Alice and the cats and house were going to be taken care of as they always are whenever they disappear for a weekend. She’s got someone trusted to house sit so that they don’t have to think about it while away.

"Let's go," Irene sits next to him, holding his hand as they head off, their home dark and quiet.

[25th December 2024]

It's been a couple of days since they left and Irene had left her phone at the house so the only reason she remembers that it's Christmas is because of the small calendar she put in the camper. A small little gift she gave Chris so that he would always know the days in case time got lost on him.

Wrapped up in his warmth, Irene snuggles closer, closing her eyes and humming softly as her fingers trace lightly along his spine. Light trickles in through the window, an indicator of the time but the couple stays put, uncaring about the world around them.

She doesn't know where they ended up, Irene had fallen asleep after a while and only remembers waking when Chris moved her from the car to the camper but they haven't moved since they arrived. Though, did it really matter where they were as long as they were together?

Irene had managed to stay asleep for a little while longer, she had also managed to keep Chris in bed with her as well, whether he had slept more or not didn't matter but what did is that - they didn't need to get up. They didn't need to do anything. All they had to do was exactly this, watch the sunrise and set, listen to wildlife rustling around them and disconnect.

She had said that Chris can continue doing as he would if she wasn't there - if that meant he shifted and disappeared then the woman would be keeping the fire warm for when he came back. Food ready for him to eat if he needed it and arms to wrap him up tight. The snow had fallen heavily over the last few days so a fire would probably be the best place to start if her personal heater decided to disappear.

Though, this morning, it seems Chris stayed with her, seemingly knowing what day it is as well, at least for now.

"I got you something," Irene practically climbs onto him as she rolls out of the bed and makes her way over to the box she had hidden away when she could. Not that it really mattered, it wasn't anything big or fancy, maybe a little expensive but the price didn't matter to her.

Inside the box is a collection of cast-iron skillets ranging from different sizes. She smiles proudly as she looks at him because she realised that his one was starting to rust and flake, it was old and sure, he may never use half of them but at least they were there and perfect for open fire cooking.

"It's not much but I didn't want to make today a big deal," she sits on his lap when the box is finally placed beside him. "I just wanted to give you a little something that you could use. Something that would be perfect for getaways like these." Irene smiles, pressing a soft kiss on his lips with a smile, "Merry Christmas, my love."

It’s not about the lights, the music or all decorations that make Christmas special — it’s about being with the one you love that truly makes the day feel complete.

🌗 𝖂𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖜𝖔𝖑𝖋 𝕮𝖍𝖗𝖎𝖘

@clubwnderland 🌸

When Chris showed up that morning at Irene's place he didn't really think much about it- In his defense, he had never before celebrated the holiday, never before having had someone stable enough to even consider doing so, never before having had someone that special. Valentines day always felt like another regular day, what's so unique about heart shaped chocolate and red glittery cards, anyway? Firm believer that love should be shown every day or not at all, who would've thought he'd be in this position right now?

Looking at himself in the mirror once more, the wolf made sure his suit fit properly before he made his way to the devil's club. Why was he so nervous? Sweaty hands and dry mouth were things he hadn't experienced since his teenage years, yet there he was, shaking in his spot, wondering if this would be enough. He knows what she'd say if she could have a glimpse into his head- He didn't have to do all this. 'McDonald's would be ok as long as I'm with you'. He tsks to himself, head shaking. She's worth so much more. Deserving of so much more.

Chris thought the hardest part of it all would be asking for help to his friends, borrowing the money, begging anyone for a suit, but as he parks his car at the club's underground garage he realizes the hardest part is mustering the courage to make his way up. Checking the time one last time, he finally presses the penthouse button. Irene is surely waiting for him, and as nervous and anxious as he is at the moment, there's this other feeling too taking over- The excitement. After all, this is also his first valentines day.

‐

Chris chuckles as he pulls Irene behind him, her high heels on his free hand as they rush to find some cover under a random closed store's front door ceiling. There was certainly a lot of ways the night could go, but as usual, none of the regular ones where the ones picked by the boy.

It all started with the restaurant. It was beautiful, really, extremely elegant, expensive... And sometimes being well dressed just isn't enough to fit in. There was this uneasiness, this rejection- The night was supposed to be special, he was supposed to do the most for her tonight, and yet he couldn't bring himself to walk past the doors and into the place. 'Let's go somewhere else,' Irene said as they stood on the front door, her thumb stroking the wolf's hand as she pulled gently. 'I saw a hotdog truck a few blocks back while we came. It's ok.' He wanted to complain, to get over himself, but the smile on her face was enough for him to give in. Strike one.

'My feet hurt, hold this-' Chris took the woman's hotdog as she bent down on the bench, her shoes being removed and a soft sigh of relief leaving her lips as she placed them besides her on the seat. After getting the hotdogs, the couple had decided to walk through a nearby park, kill some time- The reservation lost by now anyway, so they might as well have some sort of fun, right? "You're insane." The boy smiles as he takes a new bite from his hotdog. 'Maybe so, but you love me.' And that was strike two.

Soon enough, as if the universe just knew, it started pouring too. Wet from head to toe, Chris removes his jacket as they finally get some shelter- Ah, Chan is going to kill him. "I'm sorry about today." His hands are gentle as he fixes the neck of the blazer on the girl, her hands flying to hold onto it as she shivers slightly thanks to the rain. "This isn't how this was supposed to go-." Irene looks up at him, her eyes sparkling in awe as she leans forward, chin resting on the wolfs chest. 'Don't be sorry,' Drops of water fall in her face, but she can't be bothered as Chris arms wrap around her, holding her close, keeping her warm. 'there's not a thing I'd change from today.'

Leaning down, forehead resting against hers, it's clear for him. The look on her face, the love in her eyes- This is them, and nothing else. No fancy restaurants, no expensive gifts. No handwritten poems, no trips to other countries. It's the chuckles in the rain, and the blush on their cheeks when they're too close. It's the heartbeats in synch and the way their fingers intertwine. It's the last minute escapades to nowhere, the loud music on the middle of the road, the fast food in fancy clothes and the running barefoot in the middle of Seoul. They're nothing more and nothing less than this. And this is just perfect. Just right. Just meant to be.

Hands sliding up to hold the girl's face, knot in his throat being swallowed in one go, the words are just blurted out over the rain, but feel like a whisper spoken to her lips only.

"Be my girlfriend. Be mine. Be mine and never let go. Please?"

“Yes,” she doesn’t hesitate as soon as she registers the question, pulling him closer and kissing his lips as she repeats that one word over and over. “Yes, of course, yes.” Never let go, her eyes water as she hugs him, burying her face into his chest to keep herself from crying.

There was a thousand ways today could have gone and while Chris had told her to not have too high expectations, she knew it was going to be special. The morning was a pleasant surprise, the day starting out in such a way that she was left feeling like she was on a high, the date may not have been all he had planned but he tried. That’s what matters to her. He tried. Dinner, he even dressed up in a suit, he tried things that Irene knows are not in his comfort zone and that matters so much more than big romantic gestures.

𝑯𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝑽𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒆❜𝒔 𝑫𝒂𝒚

@moonlightchn Channie

The wolf wakes up early, groaning as he reaches for his phone to turn off the blasted alarm he had set. Fuck, it’s 5am. Not even the sun is up and Jongin is slipping out from Channie’s hold to go and get the car packed.

He had packed their bags last night, needing to tell the wolf to make sure he had everything he needed for a week away but also something for the warm weather. A hint just in case Channie needed it. The spring was approaching but the temperature was only slowly beginning to rise and Jongin wanted to do something with his boyfriend that they’ve never done before, not really, not in this capacity.

Travel.

“God, I should have checked how Channie was with planes—,” Jongin grumbles under his breath as he grabs the passports from the drawer and adds them to the bag he was having for carry on.

Eventually, he is ready, the Uber is on it's way and the bags are all packed. All that is needed now is to get Channie up and from the struggle that is going on, Jongin may have to carry him. "C'mon puppy," Jongin keeps Channie from pulling him close, needing to keep his own sleepiness at bay. "We can sleep on the way there, I just need you- shit, c'mon." The Uber driver is calling him so Jongin uses a bit more force to pull the younger up and out of bed.

It takes a bit, it always will, and honestly, Jongin never blames him because if he could - he'd be asleep the whole time too. However, he manages, somehow, he manages to get Channie and himself into the Uber and on the way to the airport, on their way to a week away from their lives and only focusing on them.

Something they have never done before.

It takes a while, over 8 hours in total, but the wolves manage to get to the address Jongin had on his phone with little drama. There was an incident with Channie nearly losing his phone on the way through customs but they managed and the moment they enter the small little beach home, Jongin isn't sure whether he wants to marvel - or sleep.

"So bright," he grumbles, collapsing on the bed with Channie staring out the window, "come to bed puppy, we can look later."

This isn't the plan that his boyfriend has though, not when he managed to sleep a lot of the time and didn't have to worry about all the stress of travel since Jongin did it all.

Grabbing his suitcase, Jongin sighs and searches through it, wanting to shower before they start their travelling around the place. "We are here for a week, puppy," Jongin says, climbing into the tub and the bath being big enough for the both of him so he encourages the other to come soak up with him. "You can run around the beach, you can do whatever you want all week, we have time." The older wolf pulls his partner close, burying his nose into his neck and takes a few deep inhales while Channie happily soaks up the attention and talks about all the things he wants to do.

By the time the sunset came, the couple were on the beach, more awake than they were before and Channie was running around the place. "You want to shift and go for a run?" Jongin asks, looking up and down the length of the beach. The large stretch completely untouched by tourists since Jongin had asked Irene to call in a favour and make sure they had a completely uninterrupted beach to themselves.

Is it legal? Maybe not but if there's something Jongin didn't want to have to deal with is people.

The way Channie's eyes open wide in excitement, the wolf not wasting any time to shift and shake off his coats, is everything to the older male as he watches his boyfriend run around the beach as fast as he can.

A week of this is exactly what they need, a week of relaxation and sun and happiness is exactly what every couple needs to start their year off right.

❝ There are only so many words I can use to describe how impactful your love has been. The Devil was once an angel until she fell and my love, you raised me from the Hell I was imprisoned in and gave me life. Love. My eternal soul was always destined to find yours. My forever. My wolf. ❞

𝑯𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝑽𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒆❜𝒔 𝑫𝒂𝒚

@moonlightchn Christopher

December 12th 2021

I have never imagined that I would find myself in this position. Not after everything that I’ve been through. As I write this, bite marks are healing on my skin that should never have been left behind. I’ve had weapons thrown at me, I’ve been shot and even set on fire and yet, none of them left behind a blemish. I knew that I was becoming vulnerable with him, that I had given him more of me than I had intended but… would it be wrong to say that I do not wish for that to change? Chris is… still a mystery in some aspects but one thing is for sure — he is my wolf and I’ll be his kitten, his angel, whatever he desires.

The woman chuckles to herself as she reads over an entry she had made over two years ago, looking around the penthouse and remembering the nights they had spent here and the memories made.

Tonight is their second anniversary and Irene couldn’t decide what she could give Chris considering he wants for nothing. She didn’t know what Chris had planned or if, again, the night had simply slipped his mind so she didn’t know whether to go all out or if she should keep it simple.

Memories.

They tend to fade after time and while the woman has lived more than several lifetimes with memories all intertwined, she doesn't want theirs to ever be lost. She wants there to be sonnets written, poets inspired and their love immortalised for the centuries to come so she'll always know, he'll always know, what they were. What they always have been.

Flicking through the pages, she finds the entry that she was looking for. Their beginning and so with her diary in hand, Irene heads to the table that is covered in paper, flora and pens, and starts her gift for Chris.

When we first met — December 17th 2020

A wolf wanders into a club and grabs a drink with the Devil. It sounds like quite the beginning of a joke, doesn't it? He stood out from everyone else tonight, people looking for love, for fun, the desire rolling so sweetly off them like waves but his? Oh, his was as twisted as his soul. Revenge. Those are always the most fun of souls to torment and torture but there is something about his guilt and need for revenge that doesn't sit like the others. He's torturing himself, he lives every day in his own Hell. Chris. I usually don't care about those who enter the club but he is one who captures my attention. He's walking sin. Tall, dark and oh-so-handsome and he knows he grabs attention wherever he goes. I wonder if he'll come back. I want to know more about what tortures him so much.

It's funny how different her first thought of him is to what she thinks now, how wanting to learn what was at the base of his guilt became her wanting to save him, protect him. Irene is aware of the deals she would make, the lengths she would go to save him but who ever would have thought that started based on curiosity.

She writes it out and follows the instructions she’s been practicing for the past week or so, neatly making a flower out of the entry and placing it with the paper roses she made out of silly little romance novels she had bought.

Our first date — April 28th 2021

Would you believe that my first date, or not a date date was walking through the park with Christopher? I wanted to see the cherry blossoms and he made it happen and so much more. It was nice, I find myself quite enjoying his presence. I can still sense it, the pain that he hides behind a flirtatious smirk and rough, calloused hands but… he is sweet. Gentle. My body still remembers the night before, a night that I don’t think I’ll ever want to forget. Maybe it’s the Hell he puts himself through, maybe it’s me beginning to care about him in a way that wasn’t like when we first met but whatever it is. He shouldn’t be Hellbound, he deserves redemption and I don’t know how I’ll help him but… I want to.

Irene’s fingers lightly trace over the flower pressed between the pages and smiles. Spicy chocolate and mint, she has a pint of it in the freezer waiting for the wolf to find. A terrible dessert maybe but it doesn’t stop him from checking if their ice cream shop is open every time they drive past.

Folding the newly written page into another flower, she places it with the branch of cherry blossoms that she had managed to collect, a difficult flower to keep intact but of course, Irene managed.

The moment I knew — June 1st 2021

I felt you. Your warmth, your presence, your care. I felt you that first night and every night afterwards. You guarded yourself from the world behind ironclad walls but the moment you let them down... did you know that you left a little imprint on my heart? Did I have a space within yours? Thank you for being there, for searching for me, for finding me... thank you for saving me. I never thought that the Devil could be saved but you proved that even I am able to be pulled from the darkness and given a chance to rise.

The woman remembers the first time she had felt Chris as a wolf, a beautiful creature as black as the night that was closing in on her but there was a gentleness that came from him. She knew in that moment, she knew that Chris would mean so much more to her than she anticipated.

It was also the first time that Irene had become vulnerable with him. A change in herself that she didn't realise was possible. Chris became her strength but also her weakness in that moment and there hasn't been a day where Irene regrets it. She touches a mark on her shoulder, chuckling to herself as she feels the outline of his teeth still healing from the night before. It has it's benefits, of course, but it also shows them that she lets her walls down with him - meaning he can do the same with her.

The moment I fell for you — August 17th 2021

A wedding that I was sure that Chris wouldn't go to but he did. He looked handsome. I didn't think that he could surprise me more than he did but the way he simply stayed despite wanting to leave showed that he stayed with me. Two beings who swore they didn't want to get married, sitting in the bar with the caught bouquet laying in front of them was quite comedic, if you ask me but the way he picked it up and held out his hand, who would have thought I fell in love. Maybe I've been in love with him for a while, I don't think I could ever pinpoint one moment but as we went back to his car, as he carried me to the room and undressed me with kisses upon my skin. Savouring me. Worshipping me. I knew that if I'm going to fall in love with anyone on this Earth — it would be Chris. Over and over again, it's going to be Chris.

She still have the bouquet, dried and preserved in a vase that has survived for a thousand years. She looks over at them with a fond smile and remembers how he said they became one that night but Irene now knows —  they have always been one. From that first dance until their last breath, they'll always be one.

The beginning of forever — February 14th 2022

A Valentine's Day to remember. I know that he had a different plan for the night but I don't think I could have asked for anything other than how the night went. Him. I'm learning now that it's always been him. Throughout all the ages, every time I came to Earth, I must have always been searching for the love that is Christopher and now that I have him, I don't think I could ever let him go. He asked me to be his but I wonder if he knew that I was always that. His girlfriend, I can't stop smiling at knowing it's official, in such a Chris fashion, it's official and while I would have waited a lifetime for him — I am glad that I didn't have to. That we can begin our life together with taking this next step together.

He was a sight to behold. The effort he had put in and continues to put in is something that many wouldn't even bother with and maybe he wouldn't, if she was anyone else, but he did it for her. She smiles fondly, folding the entry into a flower and placing it beside a photo of them, her wrapped up in his jacket, his face buried into her neck and them both smiling as she snapped the photo.

She never thought the rain could be anymore beautiful than it was in that moment. Kissing in the rain, dancing in the rain, falling in love all over again in the rain. Irene knows the promises that were made that night.

'Be mine and never let go.'

She will hold onto him for the eternity, she wonders if he's aware of that. Nobody will take him from her, not even Death itself.

A silent wish, a promise made under the moon — October 28th 2023

I'm typing this on my phone because you always wake up when I move, always pull me close when you think I'm pulling away so I'll write this on my phone and write it into my diary when we are home. You sleep so peacefully when you're on my lap, I wonder if you know that, if the nightmares that plague your soul ease up or if the voices are kept at bay when we are like this. I know now that I want to be your salvation, just like you were mine. You deserve the life that you have always wanted, the love that you desire and even when you think you are never enough — I will always remind you that you are more than enough. For me, live for me, live with me. If there ever comes a time where you ask me to choose between you or my immortality. I would pick you. I long for it, for a life with you, a full life that I can look back at and know was filled with love even in my final years but... I wonder, would you want the same with me? Immortality, a true forever.

No, Irene doesn't expect him to answer that or even consider it. She wouldn't ever push that upon him but it was a wish, a promise made when the moon was full and at its peak. She wants him to know and be aware that she would give her life up for him, Hell, the club, everything if he wanted her to because he is worth it all. He wouldn't and she knows that, she knows he's grown to love her the way she is and he wouldn't change her but a true lifetime together — it's tempting, isn't it?

What you mean to me — December 27th 2023

You surprise me. Every time I think that I have you figured out, you surprise me. How did I get so lucky? There is something I know you never seem to accept but please know it to be true. You have always exceeded my expectations, I know I'm not someone who can be easy to please sometimes but what you did for Christmas really showed me that you are so much more than what I could ever have hoped for. You are kind, loving, strong and one of the most amazing people I've ever come to know. You lift me up even when you aren't able to raise your own head. You ground me, keep me safe and support me in everything that I do — even when you don't agree. Christopher, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. What you were, who you were, it pales in comparison to who you are now. You may not even realise it, may not see it but I do, I see it and you, my love, you are the very reason my soul exists.

The last flower is soon added to the pile, a photo of them in their new place cut up to fit with the bouquet. She loves it, their new little home, their life that they are building, and Irene knows that she wouldn't change anything about their past or him especially if it meant they would get to this point.

He's not perfect but neither is she and yet somehow, together, they are.

With the bouquet ready, Irene holds it up to inspect. She has some fake roses mixed in, not wanting to ruin her hard work. Pictures are attached around the edges, reminders of various events in their relationship and while some of the pages are cut up and made into paper roses, the ones for Chris to read are still intact even if it took her a million tries to perfect.

She heads home, their new home, not expecting anything extravagant since she knows he's been working hard lately but there's still time, it's still fairly early since she's been working on this for a week now and the last bits were simply the entries. "Happy anniversary and Happy Valentine's Day, my love." The woman says, holding the bouquet in her hands with a proud smile.

She's nervous, having taken out parts of her thoughts, letters she never gave or words she never spoke, she's nervous for Chris to read them but Irene is happy. It may be nothing he hasn't already figured out but she hopes that he appreciates the work she put in.

🌕 𝖂𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖜𝖔𝖑𝖋 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖓

"I'm a man of many secrets, what can I say?" Chan chuckles as the fox runs excitedly up the stairs of the boat, looking at the sea with big sparkly eyes from above before back at the wolf once he reaches her, his hands sliding around her waist. "Ah, it's not for breakfast, babygirl." He chuckles at the assumption, understanding the confusion as he takes a look at the set up he got prepared. The crew is leaving the boat already as Chan takes Jangmi's hand, guiding her back down. "Actually... I was thinking about going on an adventure, what do you think? Away for a bit. Just us." He's aware she might be taken aback, a sudden proposal she might have not been expecting, but isn't this what they're always telling him? Let go, be spontaneous.

And what's better timing than today?

The drive from Seoul to Incheon wasn't long itself, though the trip to Jeju will. He figured out the longest way, 15 hours to get there, 15 hours back. That's, of course, without counting the days they'll simply hang around in the yatch. Its been a few hours since they've sailed now, and as Chan leaves the cabin, he catches the girl lying over the railing, pillows sprawled as she stares at the water.

"You're stunning like that, my little fox. Did you know?" He smiles as he plops next to her, the boat moving slow and steady as the day goes by. "Do you like it? It's been a while since I last sailed. I don't really use it a lot. Honestly, it was my first and only impulsive purchase ever. Chris always laughed at it. He was kinda right. But now..." Looking at the woman for a second longer, the wolf reaches to fix her hair before kissing her cheek.

They both lay down, eyes in the sky as they cuddle closer, words a whisper as they ramble about life. How many times in their life have they felt such calm? How many more times will they get for it? For this.

Noon comes quickly, and with it, a mandatory nap is due.

The wolf smiles at the woman as she floats in the water near the boat. They decided to stay the night, take it easy. There's no hurry to get anywhere in the end, is there? And so dropping the anchor, they paused their trip for now. Shaking his head as the fox looks at him and waves him over, he can't resist the little pout on her face.

"You got me wrapped around your finger, hm?" She giggles as he floats closer, grabbing her right away to steal a kiss. "How are you enjoying yourself?" He's curious. Genuinely. He sees the look on her face as she zones out and recognizes it, the wondering. The overthinking.... It's much like him, really. And so he makes it his job to bring her back each time. To this.

To him.

He smiles as her eyes focus on the sunset creeping over them, the blush on her cheeks giving away her shyness as he moves closer to nuzzle her. He finds himself comfortable, free. At home again. After all this time...

"Happy Valentine's Day, my dear."

@clubwnderland Jangmi 🦊

There are so many things for her to take in when she looks at the yacht; first of all, the yacht, she's never been on one or on the ocean like this before so it was most certainly a surprise that she was excited for but the other thing is Chan.

Maybe the biggest part of all of this is him and the way he makes her feel.

Jangmi was nervous for Valentine's Day, more nervous than she'll ever admit but that's because the fox wanted to give Chan something that meant something and isn't it funny how two minds can think alike? Her little bag that she had brought with her is placed down safely and holds onto Chan's hand tightly, not wanting to let him go.

"Adventure?" Yes, she heard the rest of the sentence, them going away for a bit, just them but the way that her eyes light up when she thinks about them going on an adventure together could rival the sun in that very moment. "I've never been on an adventure like this, Alpha! I can't wait!"

The presents for Chan are left forgotten in her bag but the fox too excited to even think about giving to him but also feeling a little too nervous to do so as well.

How could her gift compare to the gift that he's given her?

The breeze in her hair and the warmth from the sun has her feeling like she’s in a whole other world. A world where nothing bad could ever possibly happen, a life where she belongs in the arms of the Alpha who makes her feel at home.

"I think Chris laughs at most things or he seems very unimpressed," the woman pouts softly before shaking her head and giving Chan a smile, "I like it! I love going to the beach with you, spending time on the sand and playing in the water and now," she looks out at the water around them, "we can do all of that and be away from everything! It's like a getaway without being able to be found." She giggles at his kiss, her cheeks turning bright red as she buries herself into his chest and looks at the horizon before listening to the rumbling in his chest as Chan speaks.

Falling in love is simple, it can begin when we least we expect it, it can happen even if we tell ourselves that we shouldn't but when it happens - we couldn't imagine ourselves knowing anything other than that love.

As she closes her eyes, feeling safe and warm wrapped up in Chan's embrace, Jangmi knows it. She feels it as their fingers intertwine and a kiss is pressed on top of her head, she knows Chan feels it too.

Love.

How is she enjoying herself?

The adventure has only just begun, it has barely even been a day and she has had the time of her life. She could never have imagined this, doing this, being here with him. Jangmi doesn't think she really has the words to explain how much she was enjoying the day because it feels like words only dampen it.

The intensity. The greatness.

It's not until Chan pulls her back, like he's done a hundred times before, that Jangmi remembers where they are. "Happy Valentine's Day, Alpha," she whispers back, leaning in to meet his kiss and suddenly, she remembers.

His presents.

Jangmi was so wrapped up in the gift that he had given her that she had forgotten her own so when they were back on the yacht, she wraps a towel around her and hurries to her bag. "I- well, I was meant to bring your card and flowers too but..." she giggles as she hides the gifts behind her back. "They might have gotten blown away!"

The bracelet is something she smiles brightly about, especially since she had made it herself. "The last time we went to the beach, I had grabbed so many shells, remember?" They had made necklaces for their friends but she had kept a whole lot more for a special occasion. "It's not flashy, I know but... well, I made this! I learnt how to weave leather and with a little help and some classes, I did it!" She proudly says before passing Chan his other present.

A photo frame covered in shells with a picture on them inside, it's one of her favourite pictures, taken on them on the first date Chan had taken Jangmi on. "You hold a lot of my firsts, now that I think about it." She says thoughtfully, "you may not realise it but you do and I don't think I would have survived the last year without you." She looks at him, tears welling up in her eyes as she thinks about all the things that she's grateful for.

The words are there, they are on the tip of her tongue and they would be so easy to say but she doesn't, opting to hug Chan so tight that even though she doesn't have the same strength as him, he'd still feel it. "Don't go, okay?" She says softly, looking up at him for a moment before hiding her face again, muffling her words. "Please, always stay with me."

Getting it all out now will be good, all the emotional stuff all gone and done so that she can enjoy the rest of the adventure with him.

Chan. Her Alpha.

What do you give someone who wants for nothing? Who never asks for anything, who gives no indication of what he would like for his birthday or any day that could mean gift giving? What do you give someone who seems practically content with everything he has?

You give him time. Love. You give him Irene.

That’s what she gives him, as the morning slowly passes and the lovers are wrapped up in each other. She gives him her, the one thing he can never seem to get enough of. She’s planned a day, a day to show him how loved he is but the morning? That’s them, like this, behind closed doors and under the sheets, Irene gives Chris everything that she is.

Even if it’s clear she’s always been his.

She gets up to cook him lunch, the morning having already passed so she rolls out of bed, covered in him in all the ways that makes him happy and grabs his shirt to put on. “Stay in bed,” she whispers against his lips, a hand on his chest to encourage him back to bed when it seems like he’s going to follow her. “We’ll be going out a little later so stay in bed and let me bring you your lunch.” She chuckles, shaking her head when he tries to convince her to stay — he’ll be fine just having her but she knows they are both hungry, even if Chris thinks he can sate himself on her alone.

The smell of bacon brings the cats meowing, purring as they rub against her leg and Irene hums softly, some of Chris’ music playing softly to give her background noise as she cooks. “Oh, hungry, hm?” She chuckles, giving each of their cats a little cut of raw bacon as she waits for everything to cook. Laughing when she sees Chris coming into the kitchen, asking if she’s going to feed him like she’s feeding their pets.

It’s big, it’s loaded, it’s definitely a meal, Irene plates it all up — a steak open sandwich complete with fries and two eggs. “I’m meant to be pampering you, my love,” the woman tells the wolf off since he seems to be stuck to her and not really letting her spoil him but of course, it’s his birthday and if he wants to be stuck to her, who is she to say no?

It doesn’t stop her though. Once they had eaten and went back to their room, Irene suggests a bath before they leave the house. “It’s important, my love,” she says, sitting on the edge of the bath with her hand in the water as it fills up, making sure it’s the right temperature. “It’s going to be just us, don’t worry but we do need to go out to admire it.” Oh, she’s excited, as Irene lets Chris undress her, slipping into the perfectly heated tub with him and letting him have his way while she tries to wash him, Irene is so excited for the gift she’s prepared — something only she can do for him.

It’s perfect. Of course it is because she picked it specifically for him but the way Irene dresses up could shame every model in the world, the dress hugging her curves and flowing as she twirls to show off for him. Irene had kept this dress hidden away for a special occasion and this was it, a dress that accentuated all the physical features that Chris loved about her while also being stunning to wear outside. She did all this for him, even if he loves her in his own clothes or no clothes at all, there’s something about Irene when she dresses to impress that makes it hard to compare or compete and she only recently has been doing it for him. To take his breath away, to make his heart beat faster and look at her like his whole world existed in her. She loves it when he looks at her like that. She loves knowing how much of an effect she has on him.

“A hint about your gift,” their fingers intertwine as Chris drives towards the address she gave — a small little studio nearby the cafe she owns. “I’ve been working on it for some months now. Remember when we went to the museum, the art work I spoke about and told you was my own?” She smiles, remembering the words he had said before they went to an exhibit that displayed some of her work that she had left behind years ago. “Well, I wanted to create something for you. Photographs fade, memories too, letters are often lost but there is something about art that seems to last forever.” Irene looks at him as she speaks, memorising the sharpness of his jaw and the way his side profile looks when he’s driving. “It also captures a beauty that is hard to explain. I could describe my love for you, I could tell you and words would never truly capture it but yet, if I showed you, you’d be able to see yourself through my eyes, in the way I see you.”

That’s what awaits them at the studio. Sketches and paintings, memories they shared but also moments where she found him most beautiful. Some are detailed, vibrant colours from happier memories while others are rough, sketches that show the pain she can sometimes see when he’s not aware that she’s looking. A small studio filled with him, his details, the life they have built together and even some drawings that she’s taken from photos they’ve taken. “This is my favourite,” she holds his hand, pulling him towards a painting she had down of Chris shirtless, laying on the couch as he reads with the four cats laying on him and Spartan napping on the floor beside him. She didn’t know why but she started to feel nervous, his quietness not unusual but causing her a little worry over what he thought. “What do you think?” She asks, turning to look up at him, vulnerability in her eyes as they soften when meeting his. “I wanted to show you… well, I guess I wanted you to know how much emotion you bring into my life. Even if it’s not the life you may have wanted, this life that we have, I hope I could show you how full it is because it’s the life I am sharing with you.” She speaks softly, squeezing his hand and hoping he loves it.

As the night creeps up on them, Irene kisses him, whispering promises of forever on his lips as his arms hold her tightly. Her fingers card through his hair as seconds turn to minutes and the world around them seems to still, keeping them in their own little world until they decide to part. “Happy birthday, Christopher Bang,” she smiles up at him, holding his face in her hands so gently as her eyes shine brightly with all the love she carries in her heart for him. “I hope this is one you’ll remember forever.”

This is it, really. This is all he could've ever asked for. To wake up next to his girl, to be surrounded by her, to feel her skin on his, her kisses on his body, the way her hands hold onto him. Her soft, loving whispers, her gentle desperate whines, the velvet like moans, the honey coated, "I love yous." This is all he could've ever asked for and more, to be dedicated her time, to be worthy of it all. Having her all for himself, even when the world most likely calls for her, a day to exist together, and be loved.

What else could he possibly ask for, really, other than Irene.

Her nerves are easy to pick up, her scent changing slightly as soon as the car's on the road. The wolf squeezes the woman's hand gently as she begins speaking, rambling–. That's new. She's full of surprises, isn't she? The queen, his queen, there's always something to discover. Isn't that what makes her so captivating, too? An eternal puzzle he could never get tired of.

Chris listens carefully to her words, humming softly as he takes the information she provides, "see himself through her eyes." Does she mean what he thinks? Would she really go as far just for him? The wolf doesn't entertain his own thoughts too much, not a fan of building expectations, but can he lie to himself when the knot on his stomach builds, anticipation.

It doesn't come close to his thoughts.

He's quiet as he explores the studio first, walking slowly around the place and taking note of the pieces before him as Irene follows behind. It's not until her hand catches his, pulling him aside towards a piece he missed that his attention goes to the woman. Her words bounce on the walls, one by one making the way to his ears as his eyes fix on the painting for a minute. If this isn't the life he wanted, then he's insane. If this is the way she sees him, then he's blind.

"Marry me. Not now, maybe. But stay with me until it's the right time. And then... Marry me. Would you? Wait for me until then."

The night comes way too fast for Chris liking, even after they're back home, even after they've laid down with the cats, Irene fast asleep as the next day will keep her busy and away from him–. It came too fast, and hell, does he wish it never had to end. Kissing her forehead softly, the woman cuddling closer for warmth as the night grows colder, Chris smiles to himself. This is it. This is all he could've ever asked for. Maybe, after all, this is the life he always wanted.

"Yes," the words is said as tears well up in her eyes and she practically jumps into his arms. "Yes Chris, yes. I'll marry you at any time. Now, tomorrow, next year- I don't care. I'll stay with you, I'll wait for you, I'll be by your side until that day and for the eternity afterwards. Just... yes!" Her words are said as she kisses him, the saltiness of her tears mixing in with their kisses.

Their life. From their beginning till now, Irene could never predict where they would go, how far they would be able to reach together but with each passing day - she realised that she wanted the next with him. Hearing those words come from his lips, even if it wasn't planned, they still showed that Chris wants that too.

A life with her. Them. Always them.

A cupcake for each birthday, always vanilla– His favorite.

Channie places the food neatly on the center of the plate and then places the dish on the coffee table carefully. Everything's set up, computer on a side, lit candle on the middle as the gifts rest on the other side. It might not be a lot, he thinks, but he's happy with it.

Giving the computer a last look, he's quick to turn off the lights before rushing to the bedroom to get the soon to be birthday boy.

"Wolfman! I think the living room light just died." Isn't he so convincing as he pouts, hands stretched towards the man on the bed as to convince him to help? Jongin grunts as he gets up, grabbing Channie's hand as the younger pulls him to the front of the apartment.

There's a little smirk on his face, and the alpha knows.

Channie begins to sing as they approach the couch, the dark room dimly illuminated by the birthday candle and the computer light. It's just a minute past 12.

With a gentle kiss, arms wrapped around his neck, Channie claims once again victory as he's the first one to celebrate his boyfriend. "Now open your gifts!"

There's three boxes waiting, all small, but Channie reckons they're all as special.

First is the small piggie keychain. It's silly but cute, the glossy ceramic making Channie gasp as he hadn't been able to see it properly when ordering it online. "It has small wings, too!"

Second comes the phone case, one of a kind as it's a special collection, "I love you, sooo much! But you can't keep your phone without a case, Nini!"

Lastly, the wallet. Now, there's nothing wrong with Jongin's wallet, but there's something special about this one. Channie says nothing, instead tucking his feet under his body in anticipation as Jongin examines it. It's obvious there's something for him to find, Channie notices the way the man side eyes him curiously before opening the piece. The interior is leather, and there's a gentle embossing at the bottom line that reads

He knows, of course he knows, not only because Channie is obvious but because he could smell the cupcakes. A reminder of a time less complicated but also now beginning to mark a time where he feels loved.

He closes his eyes as he makes a wish, a silly little wish, a wish that every birthday, every special day will always feel this good, and blows out the candle before reaching for a cupcake and getting it ready to be devoured. He knows that he should probably wait until the morning to eat these but one right now wouldn't hurt, would it?

Jongin smiles, stealing a few more kisses before he is encouraged to open his presents. Presents that he knows Channie took time to think about and buy even if the flying pig keychain is completely random. He laughs softly, holding the pig up to inspect before looking at Channie as if there's some kind of meaning. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't but all Jongin knows is that he'll make sure it's on a set of keys that aren't going to get dropped as much as his house ones.

The last thing the wolf wants is to break the keychain Channie had gotten him.

Now the phone case? Yeah, that makes perfect sense especially because Jongin has a bad habit of dropping his phone and somehow, it's not broken. It's a nice case too, sturdy and looks good so maybe now Channie won't look like Jongin has dropped a baby every time his phone falls off any surface he hasn't put it on properly. "I like it," he hums, looking at the detail of the tree. "I'll put it on in the morning."

The final present, this is where he sits silently, reading the inscription and running his finger over the embossing as if the words could be imprinted into his skin. "I love you." He says softly, voice still groggy with sleep but filled with emotion as he looks at Channie with a gaze that can only be described as utterly in love. "Fuck, Puppy. I love you."

Maybe it's because he's sleepy, maybe it's because he's been feeling so overwhelmed with love lately but whatever the reason, he pulls Channie in for a smothering of kisses and a tight hug.

It's becoming kind of their routine now, Jongin comes home, they have dinner, sometimes watch a movie, and he then heads to bed. It's okay, because Channie loves heading to bed later and finding his boyfriend there. He loves the scent of his lover all over his room, all over his sheets. The warmth of Jongin's arms around him as he hops in bed, and the soft snuggles whenever he gets cold or uncomfortable. Channie can't complain, because he loves the domesticity of it all. The trust and comfort that hides behind the little actions.

Tonight, though, he's not letting the boy sleep much longer.

Placing everything down on the bedside table, the youngest climbs on top of the other wolf, lips finding his cheek in the dark, his jaw, his neck. Gentle touches, soft kisses to wake him from his sleep.

"Nini~" Channie giggles, legs straddling the other as he tries to turn under him. "Wake up sleepy head~ I have something for you!"

There's a grunt, hands emerging from under the covers to wrap around Channie's frame, and the look on Jongin's face is hard to figure out as only the birthday candles light up the room, but as always Channie thinks it's a sight to behold. Kissing his lips gently, giggling once again, the youngest doesn't miss a second.

When Channie's scent grows stronger and Jongin feels the bed dip with his presence, his immediate sleep fuelled thought is that he's going to get cuddles from his boyfriend as usual but when Channie starts to wake him up - the older wolf grunts and groans, trying to pull him down.

"Mm'ime is it?" Jongin half speaks, half mumbles as his eyes adjust to the soft candlelight and look up at his giggling love. It takes a little while for his brain to register the words Channie had spoken and a soft smile spreads on his lips as his eyes search for the clock, showing that it's midnight.

Of course, Channie would have wanted to be the first to wish him a happy birthday.

"Mm'love you," he says as he pulls Channie down and rolls over so that he's trapped under Jongin.

In his sleepy state, the wolf is a lot softer than usual, craving the love and connection he shares with his partner rather than focusing his energy on being a tease. Jongin starts to nuzzle into Channie's neck, taking deep inhales of his scent and humming as he traps the smaller male under him. Every time that Channie tries to squirm free, probably thinking about the candles, Jongin grumbles and nips at his neck.

Hello this is (not) JYPe and guess who's feeling soft again? this mf 💞 heh I just thought hey it's been a while and I kinda am seeing how a lot of us are falling back on activity and posting less and stuff and I kinda feel like the general activity of the community has come DOWN a lot which I mean it's OK!!!! because we all have lives!!!! right? but also I do kinda WORRY LIKE WHERE YALL AT i guess I just kinda wanna make sure we're all doing good? yall holding on? taking care? sleeping and stuff? I've seen also many bots pop up again recently (STARES AT THAT ONE ADMIN THAT MADE LIKE 3 BOTS IN 2 MONTHS WITH LIKE 10 PPLZ EACH YES YOU PLEASE TAKE CARE) and I know bot can sometimes feel like a job more than a fun relaxing place for some so just take it easy on that too just making sure we all remember that things around here aren't that deep and you can take it at your own pace. this has always been supposed to be a safe, fun place where we make friends and have a blast, so if it doesnt feel like that anymore step back, take a deep breath and then come back if you want but like dont feel like you gotta be here and keep putting stuff out for others

I know school work, uni, real work, family, responsibilities, it can all be too much sometimes and drive us a little bit insane. I personally have a 🤩🤩 fun few days coming 🤩🤩 I hope I don't die 🤩🤩 so yeah maybe I'm PROJECTING RN but yknow how it be, I think its important sometimes to remind ourselves that, yknow, stepping back and taking some time for ourselves it's also ok. I sometimes just log out and not having my phone vibrating and notifs popping up for just a few hours feels refreshing. it's ok. you wont miss out on anything important for treating yourself to one internet free day

we take so many things seriously sometimes dont we? like, sure theres things that ARE important like keeping connections and friends and staying healthy and safe, but also theres so many things that are important for ??? no valid reason ??? or that maybe we wrongly prioritize over other things like for example dont prioritize your bot development over your sleep plz don't do that it's not worth it rip, or dont feel like you need to be around 24/7 when you have other things to do or just don't want to. dont feel like you're neglecting bot because you have to study or feel like going out with friends is pushing you back here. dont feel like being behind in notifs is such a big deal. youre a great admin and you're doing well!

but also like,,,, dont prioritize work and uni over sleep and eating and taking breaks and going out and getting fresh air either. really just prioritize yourself first. sometimes being here just as admin and sharing and talking to friends is good enough. you dont always need to be your character, you don't always need to keep an image or a clean neat blog. you can just enjoy and go around shitposting that's really ok! (bunnies for the soul)

yknow it's really cliche to think about it but sometimes you just gotta sit back and be like what am i doing? why am i doing this? what am I taking from this? is this meaningful or beneficial for my life and my growth and my wellbeing? like tumblr as any social media can be TOXIC it rlly still is just because we don't see shit it doesnt mean it's not going on and just because we don't go through something anymore it doesn't mean it hasnt hurt us or leave us super fucking paranoid around.

I JUST AM SAYING that I know many of us maybe feel safe and welcomed and at home here or like we won't get this thing we have here anywhere else but I think we make our own safety and comfort yknow? itd be really sad to see some of you go and the community poof but I also think that for us to keep carrying this thing we have and for us to protect it and for more people to feel welcome and safe we first need to look at ourselves and be sure we can actually keep doing this. I see posts pop here and there about admins feeling sad they get no interactions or how people they talked to has left or how they simply have things going on that makes them sad and unable to be around and I think often we forget, even though we say it ALL the time, that we're all just people behind these. dont forget you're just a person too. I've personally been having quite a hard time coming around with the boys on dms, anyone who talks to me knows that, but as admin? I'm always here. and sure none of us HAS to feel responsible of others, we're not /individually/ responsible of someone's fun or popularity or how long they stick around, but as a whole community we are all responsible somehow of this place's safety and to look ALL after each other. don't forget we're all just people and don't push each other to get things

anyway what im trying to say is that I do fucking love all of you so much and like I worry yknow??? I worry a lot when I see someone upset or I feel like an admin is in a kinda place. it's been just a bit over a year since I've joined this and ive been lucky enough to meet some amazing people that will always live in my heart no matter what and some others maybe I do not really know you or talk to you but I do appreciate your existence yknow you're not invisible and I notice when some of yall delete or when someone I see around makes a new bot and I 👀 or when yall change @s without telling and I have to go through my lists to fix them. maybe it's not enough but I do notice you and I hope you know that. and so because I love all of you I do think that I am a bit responsible of putting at least one smile on your faces throughout the day too be it with a post or a rb or an ask and so I do hope all of you feel a little responsible about someone else's happiness too. I know dash can be hard, I know dms can be hard, and I'm.not saying hey go befriend each other RN but maybe just stopping by someone's bot and "hey this is v cool!", I'm sure that would mean a lot for many people

maybe I just ate too much sugar today. whatever it be, have bunnies I love this kind of art

🐺 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖂𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖜𝖔𝖑𝖛𝖊𝖘

cw// food

Its finally Friday! Weekend's around the corner! How are you guys doing, uh? It feels like it's been forever since I was last here haha have you all been taking care? I hope so! Missed talking to everyone in here, but when work calls we gotta tend to it. Past few weeks have been hectic for me, as usual. Luckily enough I got a few free days from it! Met all my deadlines in time so I get a small week break till next Wednesday, gotta reward yourself when you do something right!

How about you? How's work? Uni? Life? Remember to always put yourself first. Sure, we all have responsibilities, we all want to do a million things and feel we don't have enough time, but don't take your boss too seriously. Don't take your classes too seriously. Your health and wellbeing should always come first!

Chan you talk way too much-

Anyway, how's been your Friday so far? Any plans for today/tonight? We went out with Chris, played some sports, it had been a while since we last did that. He's quite good actually, even though he insists he's average. He says "we're too short". I say throw the damn ball y'know-.

Usually we meet up with the boys by the end of the week, have lunch and just update each other on stuff, but with Channie's rut we were left alone with Chris. We rarely are alone together because we always end up fighting, but it was quite nice, to be honest. He seems to be working on being nicer to people. And also himself. It was nice not hearing him being an idiot for once. I mean he still got pouty when I beat him on basketball but I made up for it by getting him lunch, LOL.

Ah, I'll probably be stopping by Channie's house at some point anyway, gonna get him something yummy to spend his rut. He probably won't be going out for the next few days, as usual. But hey! I'm sure he'll appreciate movie recommendations or som-

Oh my GOD. Have a nice Friday, GOODBYE.

Helloooo its the Monday 😋

I hope yalls week started quite ok!!! Today I went out!! ☀️ It was really warm out so I rode the train and saw pretty trees and all!!! 🌳🌸🌼They have flowers already!!! so fast!!! I like the train because it gives me time to think and I get to see the city and meet new people and all yknow? ☺ I dont use it much during the winter though because I freeze like a snowman ☃️ anyway I even dressed up pretty hehe you like my fit? uwuwu

I went out for lunch, had some nice beef and pasta 🍝 uwu and then I also went to a bunny cafe!!!! 🐰☕ it was my first time there because I dont usually go places too crowded alone but there was a lot of space for the lil friends so it was ok hehe have you been to a bunny cafe? I def will be going back uwuwu anyway I'm going back home now to nap 🏠💤

make sure to take your daily sun dose!!! and have lots of water because you'll sweat like a PIG uwuwu goodbye

🐺 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖂𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖜𝖔𝖑𝖛𝖊𝖘

cw// food

Lemme show off real quick-

Real quick with three pictures?

You're just jealous you got nothing to show off.

HEHE pasta for channie *dances*

I got a cat to show off.

For the LAST TIME her names Venus >:(

Whatever-

She doesn't seem to like herself much.

Pets imitate their owners, right?

YETH that's why she's all black like your closet jdjsjsjw

And his fur.

Valid.

twinnies 😖✌🏻

had yall brought your pajamas we could be twinnies too 💔

We kinda are already, though?

I mean if you want me out there nak-

Just shut up, I beg you.