resilient as hell

I‘ve been acting all cool and chill about this so far but if there’s a place to get a bit emotional and sappy it’s tumblr so here we go:

Getting to meet Cari was obviously a dream in every way. I feel so grateful to have had the chance to meet and talk to one of my favorite artists in the world, and she was so genuinely kind and caring that I can barely put it into words.

One of the most significant emotions I took from these 5 minutes, however, is hope. Having grown up in a non-diverse, super heteronormative environment without an open LGBT community, being a feminine girl who just happened to be attracted to other feminine girls has practically been making me feel invisible for all my life. I have never had the chance to talk to other queer people about my struggles in my day-to-day life, let alone date people I was actually attracted to. At times, I have felt so alienated that I had genuinely settled on never finding love my whole life.

I didn’t even get to talk to Cari about that, but there was distinct moment where we looked each other directly into the eyes and I got that overwhelming sense of understanding. It was almost like her eyes told me I’ve been there. For the first time then, I could imagine my life turning out differently in a few years from now because, at some point, so had hers.

I don’t think that Cari or Shannon will ever read this but if it does somehow reach you, thank you for constantly reminding me that my current state of life does not have to be the final one. You guys are currently embodying my light at the end of the tunnel, which is the reason why I keep going and trusting the fact that I might just find something like you two have one day.

I came to Berlin last week feeling lonely and lost, and while I may still be feeling that way for the most part, I also left with some new senses of hope, of being seen, of being loved and not at all alone in this world.