and i’m just a pawn in your stupid games.

"that sounds scary. but no. i'm not going anywhere and i'm happy to help you out if i can." ever since he'd gone through what he'd gone through, pax wanted to help people as best as he could. he knew that he could not always be successful, but it was the attempt that mattered the most. "i've been here for about six months now. i died in this other universe i suppose you can call it. i think that i have seen a lot of strange things go down. is there something particular to your investigation? maybe i can better help you if you are able to share some more details with me?" of course, he knew that most information was un-disclosable, but maybe some smaller details could be shared. pax thought he'd be better able to help if he knew.

"BUT IT'S TRUE. WE'RE HERE AND.. IT'S PERFECT." he didn't know what to do with this. a part of him was nervous and a par of him did not even know what to say and.. around gi-hun, that did tend to be the case. terrible? yes, he thought so and yet.. he also didn't know what to do with that much, did he? no. never had and there was a part of him that knew how COMPLICATED things could get. "yeah.. i'm.. i'm glad that we're here, too." he wanted to reach out for his hand, but.. @moonglowmuses

"there are things that would make tonight actually perfect," gi-hun said, trying to keep the bitterness out of his tone, and he thought that he was at least partially successful. he did not blame sang-woo for denying their feelings for one another. he knew that the other man was scared. "you could tell me that you love me. as more than a friend, too. you could be honest to both of us." the boom of fireworks complemented gi-hun's words. "you could kiss me. you could take me home after this." gi-hun did not know how much longer he could do this. he did not know how long he could share a house with sang-woo, among so many other things, pretending that they did not love one another. "sang-woo... i am not trying to pressure you. that's not my goal. but think about how happy we could be if we were just honest with each other about how we feel. please, sang-woo."

"I COULDN'T AGREE MORE. WITHOUT YOU, I WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF." john nodded, giving her hand a squeeze, because.. yes, he did mean that. right? she had always been there when he had needed someone and when he had been alone and.. yes, he loved her. he loved her in his own way and yes, it was real. it was, as he saw it, the best thing about himself. "i mean that. i've never been happier than i am when i am right here with you." @moonglowmuses

"since i make you so happy..." amanda began, her black eyes sparkling. "... how about we go on a fun date tonight? it's been a while since we've visited the square. we could do a movie, but maybe we prefer something where we can talk. what do you think?" amanda thought that it could be fun to hit the town and to do something enjoyable. "we could have dinner somewhere. it doesn't have to be fancy, of course. unless you are dying to treat me to something like that?" amanda teased as she bounced on her heels. "anyways... whatever we do will make me very happy. i love our date nights."

"I SUPPOSE THAT WE DID." he didn't have anything against the other. if anything, perhaps it was the truth and perhaps, it was what was happening right now and.. and.. and. regardless, in-ho did not trust most people and he supposed that something like that was never going to be any different. was it? he didn't THINK so. "was he? i did not think that he cared all that much about me." smiling, because.. yes, it was good to play the part in some way. wasn't it? he happened to think so. @moonglowmuses

"i am glad that you are here, though. i think that you and i deserve to start over somewhere safer. don't you think?" young-il struck her as a good man. he'd been invaluable during the rebellion, even if that had been short-lived. "you must have missed the telltale signs, then. because gi-hun was devastated. anyone with eyes and ears could tell that he wanted to help you as best as he could." that was just the nature of seong gi-hun. he'd been the only person to genuinely suggest that they could take his money in order to improve their lives. that was a level of selflessness that was hard to find. "so, young-il... what do you do around here for work? something that you like?"

"you don't think so? you think that it's never too late?" pax did not fully know who he wanted to be. he was still trying to figure that out. he had a lot of regrets. but he liked to think that most of the violent decisions that he made occurred in a context of survival. if he hadn't done what he'd done, he would have died, and he needed to survive. he needed to keep going for himself, it was true, but also so that someone on the earth remembered the people who had been killed. "you give good advice, my friend. i thank you for that. i'm sorry for bringing the mood down. can i thank you by buying you a drink?"

"you continue to surprise me, young." using her surname but for once it was more of a playful jest than it was provocative. yeah, there had been a time where he'd constantly been trying to get under her skin but that was a long time ago. he liked to think they were in a better place than that now. a smile was rare from him, but he offered her a brief one. a simple way of showing he hadn't meant anything by it. "thanks for making the time. you look good?" giving a nod. was she? well, he hoped so. after all, he no longer meant her any unwell. @moonglowmuses

"yeah? well... that's a good thing, hoffman. if i don't keep you on your toes, who will?" amanda was grateful for the evolution of their relationship. it was true that there was a time when she'd despised this man. when she wanted nothing but bad things for him. but they'd extended mutual olive branches to one another and they were friends now. in fact, amanda thought that mark was one of her best friends, in addition to jun-ho and a handful of others. "are you kidding me? of course, i'll make time for you." she cared about mark and she wanted him in her life. "you think so?" amanda clarified, referring to mark mentioning that she looked good. "... because i feel good. for the first time in a long time, too. john and i bought a house. we're closer than ever, and... well, i'm happy. can you believe that?"

as soon as she realised what those games entailed... she had wanted out. she would accept the smaller share of cash and head home if it meant her life was spared. but... countless others didn't agree with that decision. there were plenty of people who wanted more despite people dying around them. hyun-ju's vote had hurt her the most. she understood, after finding out the other's reasoning but... it didn't make staying there any easier. "unnie?" she questioned, looking at the other with wide eyes. she shook her head slowly. "it... it wasn't not your fault." she assured before clearing her throat. "it was the game. it was the people behind it all. it was not you.." young-mi slowly moved towards her and reached for her hand. "i do not... blame you." she admitted. she wasn't the only one to vote to stay, after all. she wasn't the one to shoot her. she wasn't the one pushing her to the floor to save themselves. "it's okay." @moonglowmuses

unnie? at once, hyun-ju felt her heart break. she'd only known kim young-mi for a number of days but she'd grown attached to the other woman. young-mi had been the one to seek her out. to become a team. she'd been the first person to acknowledge her womanhood in an affirming manner. young-mi had done all of these things for her, and all that hyun-ju seemed to do was to let her down. "it was..." hyun-ju denied, shaking her head as the tears fell down her cheeks. "i voted to stay. i voted to stay and i shouldn't have. i could have saved you. young-mi, i am so sorry." hyun-ju took a step closer, needing to see young-mi at a nearer distance. to make sure that she was real and that she was not just a figment of hyun-ju's grief. "you were the first person who really saw me. you wanted me around when no one else did." they'd encouraged one another through horrific circumstances. hyun-ju had never been able to get the image out of her head. the look in young-mi's eyes as she was killed. hyun-ju was only comforted when she felt young-mi's hand in her own. she intertwined their fingers, finding some level of solace. "where have you been staying here?" hyun-ju asked. "maybe we can stay somewhere together."

"i was told that you were dead." she scoffed and shook her head. "was that just a lie? just a way that you could completely cut yourself out of my life? as if what you'd already done wasn't enough. so you made your friend come to my house and claim you were dead?" she crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at him. "you're sick." gae-yeong all but spat at him. "i knew that you didn't care about me but to do something like that? seriously?" she hadn't doubted it at first after receiving that jacket and the credit car but... here he was. standing before her.

"ga-yeong... i cannot believe that it is you." gi-hun felt his heart clench and his eyes started to water, too. "you're grown up," he observed, and while she was older now, he would have recognized her anywhere. "it wasn't a lie. i did die. i never told you everything that happened. i always wanted to but i did not want to put you in danger." gi-hun would never have forgiven himself if something bad happened to his girl. to his sweet baby girl who was all grown up now. "who came to your house?" gi-hun asked with genuine confusion in his tone and disposition. "ga-yeong.. i always cared about you. i was a shitty father. i still am. but i want to make things better between us." there was a quote that came to the man's mind now. 'i could have loved you better, but i could not have loved you more.' it reminded him of their situation. "ga-yeong, i love you. that was never not true. and i am sorry. god, i am so sorry. what can i do to make things right?" their relationship had to be reparable. it totally had to be.

it was uncharacteristic for seong gi-hun to do what he'd done to kang dae-ho. gi-hun had misplaced his anger, his fury, his grief onto a person who did not deserve his fate. dae-ho might have failed to bring the ammo, it was true, but even if he'd brought out the ammo, the rebellious mission would have failed. there was no stopping the system that gi-hun had wanted to topple once and for all. gi-hun felt a lot of things in his body when he noticed dae-ho. there was still anger there, but it was softer. regretful, even, because gi-hun knew that he'd fucked up. "dae-ho..." gi-hun said softly. "i did not expect to see you here." and that was the truth. "don't say his name," gi-hun said, feeling irritated and like his heart was breaking all over again. "he was my best friend. he was the only person i had and you took him away from me." gi-hun would never forgive himself for jung-bae.

"HEY. HYUN-JU. HEY." he didn't know what had happened to the other. he didn't know if she had lived or died or what it was that had come to pass, but.. right now, the only thing that dae-ho did know was that he had failed them all. and maybe that said something about him, right? maybe that showed just how much of a fucking coward he was and always had been, because he had not stepped up. again. and he had lead that poor man to his death and so.. so.. maybe, he deserved what had happened. just maybe. "i'm sorry, i didn't... i didn't want to bother you at all." @moonglowmuses

"dae-ho... you're really here," hyun-ju observed with a neutral expression. she did not know how she felt in this moment. hyun-ju liked to think that she was a fair and understanding person. she tried to understand other people's motivations and decisions and the context behind both of those things. "i have to be honest. i am upset with you and maybe i shouldn't be, but... i am having trouble with this." hyun-ju sighed, tucking away a loose strand of hair. "even though i am a little bit upset, i am not angry with you. i know that you failed to bring the ammo because you were scared. am i right about that?" she did understand, too. but she was trained as a soldier, and soldiers knew how to die as best as they knew how to live.

William let out a soft chuckle, tilting his head just slightly. "A tragic loss, clearly," he said dryly, eyes briefly flicking to the soda-stained shirt. "You wore it with such conviction." He smiled a little to himself, and leaned back in his seat. "I do live nearby, yes. Though I try not to advertise it. London can be… unpredictable." He teased, and studied Paxton for a moment longer than was strictly polite, then nodded slowly. "But I’ll admit, your disaster was entertaining enough to warrant a detour." A smile pulled at his lips."I suppose I should be thanking you for the show." He handed Paxton a stack of napkins he had gotten with his order.

"conviction is the exact term that i would like to use right now. so, you read my mind, man." pax listened intently as the other spoke. "yeah. i don't blame you. this place is unpredictable and its people are even more so." pax picked up on the lingering look that william was giving him. he tried to think nothing of it. he was probably just trying to get a sense of who paxton rodriguez was. perhaps it was a mode of coping so that he could protect himself and maybe others whom he cared about. pax half-snorted when william mentioned thanking him for the show. "i'm glad that you enjoyed my performance. i'll be here all week!" pax jested. "hey... just for being kind... can i buy you a beer? or any drink of your choice, really?" pax just wanted to do something that was considerate, but at the same time, he was lonelier than he liked to admit. he had a core group of friends but he needed more.

WAS FINN JOKING? YES, BECAUSE.. NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD HAVE DESCRIBED HIM AS SOFT AND NO, HE DIDN'T PARTICULARLY WANT TO BE. after all, it wasn't being soft that had gotten him in here and that had gotten him back to where he was meant to be. in charge of absolutely everything. right? yes, he happened to think that was the case. "life. you can only get somewhere if you are not soft, hm?" @moonglowmuses

"where were you trying to get?" pax figured that was a fair question. he could tell that finn did not want to entertain this conversation, and pax did not blame him for that either. he understood. life could harden people and turn them into monsters. some were more recognizable than others. pax knew that others looked at him and did not know what he was capable of. "i know that i survived for as long as i did because i was willing to do the unthinkable." he'd done all that he could in order to save himself and kana, before she... he did not want to think about that right now. "... what about you?" pax asked with a lift of one eyebrow. "... did you have to do the unthinkable?"

"i'm rivaling for the world's worst injuries! can you imagine if people put me on ice like you do? i would be a goner in a matter of seconds!" pax joked, but he was also partially serious. "hanging in there? that is not very descriptive," pax mentioned, but there was a softness in his features that was undeniable. he cared about taegan and he wanted to be someone whom she could vent to. she deserved as much in terms of the companions that she kept around. "can you tell me more? we can go somewhere more private if you're uncomfortable here." pax knew the value of having someone who gave a listening ear. pax was thankful that he had his handful of friends. they helped him to get through the mourning process that seemed inevitable for him.

"OF COURSE. THANK YOU FOR OFFERING, HYUN-JU. i was just finishing up my shift at the store, so.. we can go now, if you want?" cooper grinned, shaking his head a little bit, because.. yes, he knew that he couldn't go wrong with having a couple more friends. he knew that he could do with having more people around that got him and that.. yes, he needed to make that happen himself. right? "there's a great mexican place downtown that i've been dying to try. you like it?" @moonglowmuses

"yes, of course. that sounds good. once we get there, you can tell me all about your shift, yeah?" there was a certain kindness about cho hyun-ju that could not be replicated. she was a sweet soul and she always put others before herself. she'd suffered the consequences of that orientation, but they were worth it. so long as those around her survived and even thrived, if they could. "that sounds perfect. i really need to branch out in terms of what i'm eating," hyun-ju admitted with a brief chuckle. "... i tend to stick to my favorites and i never try anything new, so i think that this outing will be good for both of us." hyun-ju had to admit that she missed good korean food around here.