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if i look back, i am lost
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@moonache-archived
archived to a priv

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Carol Ann Duffy, from The Worldās Wife; āDelilahā
[Text ID: ābut I cannot be gentle, or loving, or tender. / I have to be strong. / What is the cure?ā]
"well? how do i look?"
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ YOU'REĀ DOINGĀ GREATĀ āĀ ONLYĀ AĀ LITTLEĀ LONGERĀ !Ā āĀ Ā jadeĀ opticsĀ areĀ focusedĀ uponĀ ivoryĀ tresses,Ā digitsĀ gentlyĀ fluffingĀ braidedĀ tressesĀ soĀ sheĀ mayĀ interlaceĀ baby'sĀ breathĀ withinĀ herĀ creation.Ā whatĀ wasĀ supposedĀ toĀ beĀ aĀ singularĀ braid,Ā quicklyĀ shiftedĀ intoĀ aĀ projectĀ sheĀ hadĀ neverĀ doneĀ beforeĀ āĀ intertwiningĀ threeĀ braidsĀ intoĀ one.Ā securingĀ theĀ finalĀ elasticĀ whichĀ laysĀ atĀ theĀ middleĀ ofĀ shadowheart'sĀ back,Ā aerithĀ humsĀ contently,Ā huesĀ shiftingĀ toĀ theĀ variousĀ assortmentĀ inĀ floralĀ pigments.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ HOWĀ ABOUTĀ āĀ āĀ Ā withĀ theĀ cornersĀ ofĀ herĀ mouthĀ pulledĀ high,Ā theĀ merchantĀ grabsĀ multipleĀ smallĀ blossomsĀ ofĀ orchids.Ā satĀ atopĀ herĀ knees,Ā theĀ ancientĀ arrangesĀ theĀ floraĀ whileĀ knottingĀ theĀ stemsĀ throughoutĀ theĀ women'sĀ head;Ā thatĀ way,Ā withĀ anyĀ swiftĀ movement,Ā theĀ flowersĀ wouldĀ remainĀ intact.Ā Ā āĀ ohĀ !Ā andĀ maybeĀ aĀ fewĀ ofĀ these.Ā āĀ Ā carefullyĀ separatingĀ theĀ hydrangeaĀ floretsĀ fromĀ theĀ restĀ ofĀ theĀ head,Ā aerithĀ securesĀ theĀ blueĀ plantĀ matterĀ toĀ hairĀ pins,Ā andĀ decorativelyĀ attachesĀ themĀ acrossĀ bleachedĀ strands.Ā aĀ singleĀ digitĀ pressesĀ againstĀ herĀ bottomĀ lip,Ā headĀ tiltingĀ toĀ theĀ rightĀ &Ā thenĀ theĀ left.Ā Ā āĀ iĀ thinkĀ itĀ needsĀ ...Ā justĀ oneĀ more.Ā ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā THRILLĀ VIBRATESĀ THROUGHOUTĀ HERĀ BONES,Ā shufflingĀ uponĀ herĀ kneesĀ toĀ collectĀ theĀ handsĀ ofĀ theĀ cleric.Ā asĀ theĀ twoĀ standĀ fromĀ grassyĀ plains,Ā theĀ brunetteĀ isĀ eagerĀ forĀ theĀ otherĀ toĀ witnessĀ herĀ creationĀ āĀ aĀ celebrationĀ ofĀ herĀ rebirth,Ā toĀ healĀ fromĀ trauma.
Ā āĀ WELL,Ā HOWĀ DOĀ IĀ LOOKĀ ?Ā āĀ @moonache
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā ENTERINGĀ THEĀ THRESHOLDĀ OFĀ HERĀ HOMEĀ HAND-IN-HAND,Ā theĀ whiteĀ mageĀ assistsĀ inĀ twirlingĀ theĀ other,Ā backĀ facingĀ theĀ floorĀ lengthĀ mirror.Ā Ā āĀ seeĀ forĀ yourselfĀ !Ā ...Ā taĀ -Ā daaĀ !Ā ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā WHATĀ MOSTĀ DIDĀ NOTĀ KNOWĀ āĀ flowersĀ &Ā theirĀ pigmentationĀ haveĀ emotionalĀ representatives.Ā whileĀ mostĀ knowĀ redĀ &Ā pinkĀ representĀ love,Ā andĀ whiteĀ asĀ innocence,Ā aerithĀ wasĀ eagerĀ toĀ incorporateĀ theĀ changesĀ shadowheartĀ hasĀ madeĀ intoĀ herĀ hair.Ā Ā āĀ green,Ā āĀ sheĀ pointsĀ inĀ theĀ directionĀ toĀ theĀ orchid.Ā Ā āĀ isĀ toĀ representĀ renewal.Ā andĀ rebirthĀ āĀ thisĀ isĀ aĀ newĀ youĀ !Ā āĀ herĀ indexĀ fingerĀ thenĀ hoversĀ aboveĀ theĀ multipleĀ blueĀ flora.Ā Ā āĀ theseĀ hydrangeasĀ onlyĀ startedĀ bloomingĀ sinceĀ iĀ metĀ youĀ āĀ butĀ blueĀ flowersĀ meanĀ peace.Ā andĀ finally,Ā āĀ Ā lightĀ shedsĀ atopĀ freesiaĀ florets.Ā yellow,Ā likeĀ theĀ liliesĀ sheĀ sellsĀ withinĀ midgar,Ā butĀ appearingĀ muchĀ likeĀ aĀ tulip.Ā Ā āĀ thisĀ isĀ aĀ freesia.Ā they'reĀ knownĀ forĀ beingĀ 'friendshipĀ flowers'Ā āĀ oh,Ā andĀ yellowĀ forĀ joyĀ !Ā ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā HANDSĀ RETRACTĀ TOĀ BEHINDĀ HERĀ BACK,Ā leaningĀ inwardĀ towardĀ theĀ other,Ā rockingĀ atopĀ herĀ heels.Ā Ā āĀ sooooĀ ...Ā doĀ youĀ likeĀ itĀ ?Ā ā
ā how did you do it, shadowheart āā accepting loss, i mean. ā she pauses, ā i've struggled ... still struggling with finding peace, but everywhere i go i cannot seem to escape it. ā @moonache
the former sharran is silent for a moment. gaze falls from the other's eyes and settles on the fabric of jill's cloak instead. loss? despite knowingĀ of its absence ( a novel concept to her, still ) she swore she could feel the pain of the incurable wound flare up, radiating from her hand outwards. " oh, jill. " she murmured, hand coming to grip her forearm in an attempt to self - soothe. " I'm ... not quite sure Ā i'm Ā the one you should be asking. " were this exchange to happen a year ago, her younger self would be prattling on about lady shar's doctrine, praising her to the hells and back. " but ā i suppose it's something you have toĀ feel. it never goes away; the pain. not as long as we remember it. as unfortunate as it is, i think it's just part of who you are now. "

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Do you know what this means? I must be blessed.
"kill them with kindness" wrong, chain lightning.
ā³ ć ¤ @violevin šøš³š°šµš¦ :ć ¤' if it holds wine, it's a wine glass. '
brow quirks upwards, smirk tugging at her lips as the cleric wordlessly reaches out and swipes the makeshift wine glass. she only pauses for a moment to make eye contact with kira. ( [ šæš“šš²š“šæššøš¾š½ ] , šš¼šš š¼ š¾ššššš šššš š¼š ššš¼šæššššš¼šš ? šššš ā ššššššš ! ) however, upon closer inspection, they'd notice the way her eyes remained unchanged; expressionless. pained, even, with the way she squinted a tad.
" sure, i'll drink to that. cheers. " and just like that, the wine goes down the hatch, with shadowheart chugging down what could only construed as either a concerning or an impressive amount of wine. forget, forget, forget.
daily reminder that you're a wonderful writer and such a delight to have on the dash. all of your portryals are amazing and it's so nice to see your threads again ā„ļø
thank u sm josey!!!! ;;; that's really sweet of you to say, thank you! you literally had no reason to send this im gonna cry now thank u x aaa
Analicia Sotelo, from Virgin: Poems; āSouth Texas Persephoneā
[Text ID: āLook now: my heart / is a fist of barbed wire.ā]

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ā³ ć ¤ @royalarms šøš³š°šµš¦ :ć ¤' what the hell is this? '
" why, hello, lover. " there was no point in fighting the smile that instantly took to her lips, curling at the edges and reaching her eyes with ease. part of her had wondered how noct would react, and she had to say, it made her chuckle a bit. " ... that sounded more debonair in my head. i was wondering when i'd see you. " form straightens and stands from where she'd been kneeling next to a tiny red imp, its hand in hers. " well ā noct, meet bing bong. bing bong, noct. "
You Wonāt Be Alone (2022)
ā³ ć ¤ @chiwit šøš³š°šµš¦ :ć ¤' what do you have for me now? ' + dame aylin
" oh, nightso ā " the former sharran takes a moment to correct herself, features becoming rigid. the corners of her lips pull downwards into a tight grimace, brows furrowing, eyes closing ... and she inhales deeply. holds the breath, then: " ... dame aylin. " she breathes, shaking her head slightly. how was she meant to address the aasimar? her crisis of faith and subsequential abandonment of shar left her questioning so, so much. still, she holds the other's gaze all the same, holding her ground as she peers up her nose at the massive woman. " nothing yet, i'm afraid. we've only just arrived in the lower city. still gathering our bearings, as it were. "
ā my , my . . . ā crestfallen is the mask he wears yet , a shield of exaggerated dismay that might convince one to gaze 'pon him with eyes of insincerity ; disingenuity . such a clever way to . . . steel the heart . ā how awfully presumptuous of you . i was only offering praise , my dear . ā he huffs an exasperated breath , arms folding in fitful disagreement . ā keep your secrets , if you must . we all have them . ā
there's a sigh, followed by a roll of green eyes. the disingenuity that radiates off of him is plain as day, and she purses her lips. " you were, were you? " the lifting of a singular brow and crossing of her arms states she doesn't buy a lick of what he's saying. " and exactly what technique are you praising, astarion? if i may ask, of course. like you said, we're all entitled to our privacy. "
Ā āĀ ...Ā IĀ JUSTĀ NEEDĀ AĀ MINUTE.Ā āĀ Ā inhalingĀ deeply,Ā theĀ cetraĀ triesĀ toĀ concealĀ tearsĀ formingĀ withinĀ jadeĀ optics.Ā flowersĀ wereĀ aĀ rareĀ commodityĀ throughoutĀ sectorĀ fiveĀ āĀ really,Ā throughoutĀ mostĀ ofĀ midgar,Ā entrappedĀ beneathĀ aĀ metalĀ plateĀ thatĀ restrictsĀ theĀ skiesĀ aboveĀ toĀ plantĀ matter.Ā eachĀ lily,Ā daisy,Ā azaleaĀ &Ā asterĀ sproutedĀ withinĀ theĀ terreĀ ofĀ herĀ homeĀ withĀ elmyra.Ā or,Ā beneathĀ theĀ church'sĀ destructĀ ceiling.Ā aerithĀ hadĀ watered,Ā consoledĀ &Ā spokeĀ toĀ eachĀ floretĀ asĀ ifĀ theyĀ wereĀ dearĀ friends.Ā theĀ jewelryĀ atĀ herĀ wristĀ fallsĀ furtherĀ downĀ herĀ arm,Ā usingĀ herĀ thumbĀ toĀ swipeĀ tearsĀ leavingĀ herĀ eyes.Ā Ā āĀ iĀ knowĀ āĀ youĀ mightĀ beĀ thinking,Ā ' they'reĀ onlyĀ flowers 'Ā ...Ā butĀ toĀ meĀ ...Ā theyĀ meanĀ everything.Ā ā
OPEN TO MUTUALS ĖĖĖ ā” ĖĖĖ
odd. it's the only word that comes to mind, the cleric's features pinching. with a brow raised and eyes narrowed, she trails after the girl with some hesitation. it's with great surprise that she witnesses the flower girl start to speak to the flora before her Ā ā it must have been an emotional conversation, too, given the watery eyes. shadowheart shifts her weight uncomfortably, glancing around the area once, then twice. she'd heard non-sharrans speak of such things, whilst out in the hustle and bustle of the city. yet, seeing it here, in practice ... " surely you don't mean ā " an incredulous look is shot the other's way, and she remains at a distance. " you'd be better off whispering sweet nothings to a wall, if you ask me. what good is speaking to the local flora? "

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This is the Dark Lady's domain. He does not belong here.
ā³ ć ¤ @onegil šøš³š°šµš¦ :ć ¤' no hard feelings. please look after yourself. '
" i'm not above admitting my wrongs, and, well ā perhaps i was a bit ... overzealous, before. " her hand glows bright in response, that familiar wave of agony radiating through her very being. she can feel it, though it's far fainter than it used to be many moons ago; shar's contempt. shadowheart sucks in a deep breath and grips her hand. " agh! " it's an involuntary hiss on her part, but the pain's already fading fast. it's worth it, though. knowing her actions struck ire into her former lady of loss. it brought a smile to her face the way her approval never had. " ah, sorry. never mind that. it's ... aerith, isn't it? why don't we start over. you can call me shadowheart. "