because of you, i no longer shy from looking back at people
i no longer feel that my gaze is too much, not when you told me how confident it was, and i should not feel afraid of using it
till today, i cannot seem to find it in another's eyes
i cannot seem to look at anyone else the same way I did you
and perhaps it is in that good girl act i did so well
or the way your eyes saw right through it
or the way you knew that i'd let you ruin me with thoughtless abandon (respectfully, of course)
i'd have told off everyone else, but you...
well, i let you get away with it, didn't i?
and you don't even have to tell me a single word
i could already hear your emotions loud and clear in my head
jealousy hits different when i'm not yours and you're not mine
the way your eyes follow me, or ask me why i'm too busy for you
possessiveness, even when you know you're all i desire
and i look up at you and ask, "that's all you got for me?"
your gaze still sears my insides the way no one else ever will
always loved them, especially when they were on me.
because of you, i loved to watch hands
the way you weld them like the cunning little charmer you are
when the sun came up they gave me free snacks
nighttime came and they took me to heaven
most days they were gentle. soft. warm.
sometimes they were strong. directive. heated.
like when you- never mind
those hands gave and received, and they took, too.
what i said that night still stays true to this day
doubt i would ever be this unguarded with any other man
always loved them, especially when they were on me.
because of you, i learned to be an entertainer
the way you sidle close in the day as if to exchange secrets
and the way you do so even more in the night
that wall outside my house will never be the same to me
not when i'm staring at you with the dim lights
and you silence me in a way you know i'd never complain
i doubt any man would ever be that close to me the way you have
nor would i even allow them to
not when every fiber of my being responds to you
that night i finally understood what they meant when they said "talking bodies" because i doubt i'll forget yours
always loved it, especially when it was against me
because of you, i don't feel defeated by rejection
if anything, it was the way your words spurred me
the thrill of telling someone you love them will now overshadow the fear of losing them
because if it was truly loss, then it isn't meant for me
and never should i worry about something that isn't mine
i still get addicted to these feelings
though i know they were sweet nothings
and i still fall back onto them when these nights get lonely
perhaps we long to be with people who make us forget the pain
people who would force us to leave comfort for growth
yet at the same time, remain gentle
your duality will never cease to amaze
you never fail to teach me things i've only ever dreamt about
i like to tell them a sensational story
give them details so they think make up the whole novel
they think it an innocent delusion of a girl who still dreams of someone she could never have but was it really something i never had, though?
because we definitely had it, for sure
and i will always remember the moments we shared
even if we were each other's dirty little secret
not with all those eyes watching us and trying to get any sort of truth
trying to smother you and i about what was going on
i'll be that little innocent virgin of a princess
and you can be that charming sweetheart of a prince
when all we are remains to be addicts of dance and drink and smoke and darkness and hands and lies whispered upon flesh
doubt they would ever get the full story
a part of you will always be there with me till the end
forever in the deepest, darkest recesses of my heart
that was not love, nor would i ever admit it to be
and maybe we were just two broken people
seeking a temporary high to a permanent low
but i hope you find what you're looking for
and no matter how many other pretty little things come and go
we both know they would never truly be half of me
