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the fact that these covers are basically romantic dates

It would be a little annoying, if they weren’t so nice about it. You don’t know what you expected demons to be like, but you certainly didn’t expect them to be nice about it. There’s no demands, no voices like wailing babies, no blood on the walls (well, there was that one time, but Balthazak was very apologetic about the whole thing and cleaned it up right quick). Just the occasional demon stopping by for lunch. In fact, you could almost forget that they weren’t just ordinary people, the way they act. Nice people, too. 

You start talking with them, as time goes on. In the beginning you carefully pick your words so they couldn’t be spun to even imply a contract or reference a soul, but when they seem politely eager to have a normal chat, your words become a bit looser. You even begin gossiping with them - turns out, demons have breakroom gossip just like anyone else. You listened to Rek’ththththtyr’s account of Drokyarix’s torrid affair with Irkilliz, and Ferkiyan didn’t even know what Drory was doing behind his back, poor dear, and you kept quiet and let Ferkiyan cry on your shoulder after Drokyarix finally broke up with him (the shirt was a bit of a loss, demon tears are ruinous to cloth, but Ferkiyan’s a good sort and you couldn’t just turn him away). You even managed to talk him down from going and starting a fight with Irkiliz, who didn’t even know that Drokyarix was in a relationship, and who was almost as horrified as Rek’ththththtyr. 

After that event in particular, you start to get a sort of a reputation as a place where a demon can come to relax, talk, and - of course - get a sandwich. Your sandwich-making skills have really improved since this whole thing began. Your luck seems to have improved too - you’re not sure if you can attribute the whole thing to the sandwiches and the reputation, but you don’t really want to know anyway. 

One day, there’s a bright flash of light from your living room. Nothing unusual in itself - most of the younger demons haven’t quite got the style of their elders, and usually just go for a materialization in a flash of hellfire over your fireplace - except that it’s white instead of the usual red. You look up, and who do you see but an angel looking at you with a spear in his hand. Shrugging, you tell him to sit down and you’ll have a sandwich for him shortly, and meanwhile he can just tell you all about what’s on his mind. This clearly is not at all what he was expecting, but after a moment’s thought, he decides to take you up on your offer and starts talking. Apparently, he’d been dispatched to take care of some demon summoner in the neighborhood, and while he’d evidently got the wrong house the right one shouldn’t be hard to find - have you seen anyone practicing satanic rituals nearby? You laugh, a little, and tell him that you don’t really summon them, they just come on their own. They do like their sandwiches, and they’re quite nice folk. 

It took a bit of explaining with the first angel to arrive. Telling him about the first accidental summoning and then how the demons just started stopping by around lunch time on your days off. But once he understood what’s been going on (and finished his sandwich) he nodded solemnly and said he would get this all straightened out “upstairs.”

You eventually start getting more angels coming around for lunch. Sometimes they bring a small dessert for you to share after the sandwiches, and the dishes are always magically clean and back in the cupboard when they leave.

You lean that angels don’t have much of their own drama, but they do know all the truths about human tabloid drama and they’re more than willing to dish on what the Kardashians have been up to.

The first time an angel and a demon show up for lunch on the same day is a little tense. You tell them that ALL are welcome for lunch in your house and that you would prefer it to be a no-conflict zone. It takes a while for them to settle, but eventually they grow comfortable enough to start chatting. Which is when you learn that because demons are technically fallen angels, you’ve been having two sides of an estranged family over for lunch regularly.

Soon, you have an angel and a demon at every lunch. Old friends and estranged siblings meeting up to reconnect over a sandwich at your dinning room table. You help the ones who had a falling out reach an understanding, and you get to hear wild stories of what the “old realm” was like.

One day, as you’re pulling out the bread and cheese, a messenger demon appears. You greet him and tell him a sandwich will be ready soon, but he declines. He is here on behalf of Lucifer to ask if it’s alright by you for him to “enter your dwelling so as to meet with his brother Michael over sandwiches.”

A little stunned, you agree. The demon disappears and you prepare three sandwiches, setting them at the table.

When Lucifer (the actual devil!) appears in small puff of smoke, you welcome him and ask what he’d like to drink. As you’re fetching the apple juice, a blinding flash of light comes from the dinning room indicating Michael’s arrival. You grab a second cup and walk back in to find a tense stand off between the brothers. You set down the cups and juice while calmly reminding them that this is a conflict-free zone, and if they are going to fight, please take it to an alternate plane of existence.

They don’t fight. They sit and enjoy the sandwiches and talk about what happened. You learn a lot about why creation started, what the purpose of humanity was and what it’s grown to be. You only have to diffuse two arguments. And at the end when it’s time for them to leave, they hug each other, agreeing to meet up again somewhere else.

The above examples have been provided with the authors' permission to demonstrate what these look like.

Basic rundown:

They are all 3 sentences long

Perfect grammar, capitalization, and punctuation

Like absolutely flawless English teacher-style writing with only a single exclamation mark, ever

No mentions whatsoever of character names, settings, situations, or anything that could be tied to the story

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hi everyone! i wanted to do a light and fun reading that i hope u enjoy ♡ sending lots of love ur way xxx

note: breathe, close your eyes, meditate on the pile that resonates with you the most. once you got your pile, pls scroll to read your message. <3

PILE ONE

alrighty pile 1 welcome to your reading. :) i sense that when you meet your fs, you may have recently broken up with someone or trying to get over someone. since you're so hung up on the old person you weren't even thinking about love. your person will surprise you when you least expect it so be ready (i got the very soon card so you may meet this person soon and/or the universe is asking you to release this old person!) your fs may want to give you advice on this situation because when you first meet you will feel heart broken. your person has gone through a lot when it comes to love and they may be a bit guarded because they will be interested in you right away, but they don't want to get hurt again. instantly, they will be drawn to you and want to get to know you, hang out, but like i said, you may still be hung up from someone so you both may start off as friends first. your fs wants to help you and wants you to realize that they can be someone you can rely on. they will be very communicative with you right away, will always be honest with you. they think you are worth the wait and they will gladly wait for you to be ready.

extra messages:

they will really like your hair? lol

you may meet at a party or through friends

they think you have sad eyes

they like to be touchy with you

your song: SIERRA NIGHTS - KEVIN ABSTRACT (some lyrics may relate to your situation/when you meet)

PILE TWO

hi pile two welcome to your reading. :) okay so i don't know if anyone has ever told you this, but you can be a bit intimidating huh? lol. that's what your fs will think about you right away! they will think you're very blunt to the point where they think you're mean. but don't you worry, your fs is strong and they like this about you. they like that you have layers, that the more they talk with you the more they learn about you. they will love how intelligent you are, y'all will be talking about the most random stuff when you first meet haha. they already are going to be daydreaming about you and imagining being in a relationship with you. they think you are the absolute sweetest and love that they cracked you right away. they think you are patient and have big goals and dreams. your fs really looks up to you and will know your a soulmate very fast. they will feel unsure about telling you right away because they don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, but i sense you will feel the same.

extra messages:

they are financially stable

they may be older and/or taller than you

they like that you have sharp features

they like your figure

they find you soooooo attractive

your song: BELLYACHE - BILLIE EILISH (some lyrics may relate to your situation/when you meet)

PILE THREE

last but certainly not least, welcome pile 3 to your reading. :) when you meet your fs, you may be having a rough day because of work, or things just don't seem to be working out at that moment. they will think you are a dream, you are exactly they're type and everything they want in a partner. they will have romantic feelings for you right away, they will be so attracted to you and your energy. they might even ask you out on a date when you first meet haha, they move really fast! they love your free-spirited energy, how your not afraid to speak your mind. they will think your funny and charming, they will want to make you smile when you mention that your having a rough day. they will listen to you, even give you advice, might even recommend you to rest and take a nap haha. your fs will instantly know you both have a connection and they are ready to go in!

extra messages:

they may be from a different religion/culture

they think your so dreamy and pretty

they love the sound of your voice

they like that you have inner-strength

they like your laugh

I feel like this is my glowup comeback after my shonen hella hard training arc

Any gruvia shippers still there?