THIS IS OLS
I was sitting on my parents sofa in Maryland, first trip post-quarantine, when a childhood friend came by and started complaining to me about a friend of his.
âI donât even recognize her anymore, she used to be life of the party, now sheâs such a bummer. Sheâs obsessed with work, and she drinks a ton which makes her hostile and bitter. Iâve tried giving her advice but she makes no changes, she refuses to do anything to better herself.â
âTwo questions. Is she single?â
âYes.â
âHow old is she?â
â35.âł
This is not the first time I have heard this storyline. I have heard it from many friends, and I have experienced it first-hand. There is a very serious issue transpiring in society that no one is talking about: A condition called OLS
What is OLS? Old Ladies Syndrome affects women in their late twenties to mid to late thirties. It is engendered by the fear of ending up alone, which unfortunately perpetuates and exacerbates the disease. Several factors can lead to this - lack of self-awareness, bad dating history (men without bed frames seems to be a common complaint), holding a high-paying job paired with an unwillingness to "settle," or wasting endless time waiting for "the one." What essentially ends up happening is that the longer certain women find themselves single, the greater their fear that they are never going to meet someone becomes, and they start exhibiting certain behaviors. Some of the most identifiable symptoms of OLS would be extreme possessiveness over female friends, excessive drinking, loss of social awareness, a sudden interest in volunteering, marathon running, posing for photos with the babies of friends, celebrating birthdays with increased fervor, and posting childhood photos or photos of their parents frequently.
Let it be said that not all single women develop OLS, some are totally fine (especially those that don't want children), but it is happening to a significant number of women and thus should be addressed. Is there a cure? Of course, meeting someone would be the cure and it does happen to many, especially those in the early stages of OLS. But as the disease progresses, and the fear of ending up alone seems more and more like a reality, the mental state many find themselves in makes it nearly impossible to attract a potential mate. An example would be doing things like joking about "dying alone," at a party, a clear sign of hopelessness, which is generally not an attractive trait.
Those that have paired up already may feel responsible for someone with OLS, but they can become harder and harder to be around as their temperament steadily declines and eventually may get cut loose by even the most tolerant of friends. That is why it is so dangerous for these women, especially in the uncertain times we live in, where it is only becoming harder to find a cure. Will they end up in lifelong quarantine?
Some have asked me if men get OMS, maybe those that are truly undesirable, but mainly not because the key differentiating factor between men and women in this case is that men have hope, given that they don't carry the burden of the female reproductive system. The stress of the clock ticking is what sets many women into the more advanced stages of OLS.
Is there an upside to OLS? Yes, OLS does have a positive impact on several industries including pet adoption, human adoption, egg-freezing, networking events, skin care, group fitness, kale, solo-international travel, real estate, and gelato.
Self care is on the rise, touted as the key to mental stability, but no one sees the value in self analysis and improvement. Many people continue to validate the narrative that nothing is wrong with them and itâs the other personâs fault for not seeing their value. If youâre single and see yourself committing to someone long term, but canât seem to connect, it could be time to pick apart the subject at hand. Maybe being lonely for one too many years has put a damper on your mood, changed your outlook, broken your spirit. It can, oftentimes, even without you noticing. Thatâs not a personal shortcoming on your end, itâs completely natural, but you might not feel it happening gradually, or discover it as youâre reapplying your makeup at a networking event for egg-freezers. (I swear, itâs a real meet-up).
It is time to confront this issue in society. The first step is to identify it. Thousands of women are being taken by this thing and they donât even know it. I am especially passionate about this issue because as a married woman, I know I was just one man away from having it myself. I am lucky to have a witness to my life, someone to let me know when Iâm being out of line. I have had to change numerous things about myself in order to sustain my relationship, and thatâs GOOD. The misconception is that someone has to love you for who you are. If you are someone that leaves all the cabinet doors open and acts like a complete psychopath when woken up from a nap, good luck. You have to be constantly working on yourself, which is much easier when you have someone telling you whatâs wrong with you, so yes itâs kind of a Catch 22. Â However, there are all kinds of relationships. If you find yourself feeling lonely and pushed out of society a step forward would be to self-reflect, ask your friends what they feel you could change about yourself, and honestly be open. Letâs not forget the OLS Icon, Carrie Bradshaw, and the lie so many were told. She was a bad friend and a selfish, entitled, childish spendthrift that still got the guy that dicked her around for 6 seasons. It was a TV SHOW.
This has been a Public Service Announcement by MONROK.












