F is for feeling overwhelmed.

Declan nodded, “of course I can stay. Of course I will stay.” He smiled gently placing his hand against his brother’s cheek before moving it to his shoulder. “I’d never leave you to deal with this alone. You know that.” He smiled and gave a nod. “I’ll be in your corner the whole time too. You’re not alone in this and you don’t have to be alone. I’m not going anywhere.”

-

Monroe couldn’t help but smile softly feeling his brother’s hand on his cheek. It reminded him of when they were younger. His brother always looked out for him when they were younger and it didn’t seem like anything changed. He all of a sudden felt stupid for even thinking of hiding this from Declan. He looked up as the nurse came in with the chemo bag and asked Monroe a few questions before starting up the IV. He waited for her to leave before looking towards brother. “Thank you Declan. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away...”

~

Declan shook his head, “it wouldn’t have added anything. You didn’t have to carry this all by yourself.” He held onto his brother, feeling like he needed more than he was ever going to let on. “Exactly, you gotta spoil them. Those kids need you around.” He nodded understanding how he was feeling, “I understand that. I ‘m sorry that it is real, but I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

-

Monroe held onto Declan for a little while before letting himself lean back against the chair. “C-can you stay? For this treatment or do you gotta go?” He asked, head tilted to the side slightly, running his fingers over the hem of his shirt as a nurse popped into the room to ask if he was ready and Monroe nodded his head. “Yup, I’m as ready as I’m ever going to be.”

~

Declan stared a little dumbfounded at his brother, “you could have worried me. I… I would have rather learned by you telling me than this.” He sighed but he nodded, “l’m sorry, I just wish you would have told me. I have room for you too.” Declan tried his best to not get emotional over this revelation, “you’re gonna be okay. We’re gonna get through it together, like before. You got some uh.. nieces or nephews to spoil coming now, right?” He smiled before reaching out to pull his brother into a hug.

-

Monroe looked up at Declan and frowned, feeling bad now that he hadn’t told his brother. He thought that he had been doing the right thing in not telling him but he could see now how much it had hurt his brother. “I just didn’t want to add to it...” He said softly and let himself get pulled into the hug, feeling the tears pooling and starting to fall. He hadn’t realized how much of them he had held back. “Yeah, gotta spoil them.” He said softly, sniffling. “I’m sorry....I should have told you. I just...telling you makes this all real...and I’m so scared of it being real...”

~

He had been at work when one of his co-workers had an accident. He would up taking them to the hospital land was just walking out to get his truck when he saw the familiar face. His brother had his brow raising as he walked into the room with him. “Monroe?” He questioned looking him over and shook his head, “why didn’t you tell me it was back?” He said pulling up a chair and sitting with him, “how long have you known?” He was concerned now and so worried about his brother’s health.

-

Monroe looked down once Declan came into the room and he sighed as his brother asked the questions that Monroe knew were coming. “Hey Declan. I uh.....I didn’t want to worry you.” He said and swallowed nervously. “With everything you have going on with Astrid and Stella and the twins, I thought you had enough to worry about without me coming in there with this.” He said and looked over to his brother. “A-awhile now. This is session number.....3?” He questioned as he looked up at the chemo bag that was hanging above him. “It’s more aggressive this time so we’ve had to double up on the dose. Doc said that it’s fairly rare for it to come back once you go into remission in childhood but here I am, beating the odds...”

He knew he couldn’t hide it much longer as he had been losing weight, being way too tired to do too much, and many other symptoms and he knew that it was only a matter of time until he was going to start losing his hair, which probably hurt him the most. He sat back in the chair and closed his eyes, trying to relax a bit until this round of chemo was done when he heard a familiar voice calling his name and he opened them again in surprise to see his brother standing there.

@declancahill​