Randomhappenstance

There’s a war I fight alone. Each day I battle with my demons. I sometimes go too far with my thoughts. I sometimes go numb to feelings. I sometimes get extremely angry. And sometimes all I want to do is cry. Every day, I deal with parental abandonment, childhood sexual abuse, a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage that has since past, sexual assault from a teacher, sexual assault from my current boyfriend’s now ex-best friend, an abortion, and physical abuse from a former boyfriend. So when I am freaking out, and going over the deep end, don’t you ever tell me to calm down, relax, and just get over it! You have no idea the battles I fight every single day with myself.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for abandoning you when you were just a baby. Not knowing if you were safe or cared for. I’m sorry for never wanting to visit you when you were a child. You’ll understand that I had better things to do. I’m sorry for treating you like a friend when you needed a mother, after I found out my oldest son had been sexually abusing you. I’m sorry for letting your abuser into our home time after time, getting drunk with him making you feel unsafe in your own home. I’m sorry for trying to alienate you from the only people that actually cared for you, your grandparents. Unlucky for them that they had to raise you. I’m sorry for falsely letting you believe that I actually love you. You were only good for my ego, you know that. I’m sorry for letting your step-father yell at you to the point you were scared he would hit you. Sometimes I wished he would, you were a little brat. I’m sorry for never making you feel like our house was your home by constantly getting high and drunk and forcing you out of the house, or not letting you sleep during a school night because the stereo was so loud, and so were we. I’m sorry for making you feel like you are worthless, and should be ashamed, because I am best friends with your abuser. I’m sorry for never calling you when you moved away. I just couldn’t remember your phone number. And, well, I shouldn’t be calling you. You should be calling me. I’m sorry for lying to you numerous times about me visiting. We both knew I was never serious about coming out to see you. I’m sorry for unfriending you on Facebook. I know it crushed you, but to be honest, I just don’t consider you my daughter anymore. I’m sorry for texting you last year on your birthday and making you feel like I was guilt tripping you for never calling me. At least I’m trying. I’m sorry for replacing you with your brothers girlfriend. We all know she would be a much better daughter than you could ever be anyways. Plus they named their daughter partly after me, which makes me feel way more entitled than I ever should. I’m sorry for being practically the worst Mother. Sorry, not sorry. You really never mattered that much to me anyways. I’m sorry.

Playing catch-up. #pfsixwordchallenge for November. #raiders #thecottage #theduel #write #trysomethingnew #pageflutter

Playing catch-up. #pfsixwordchallenge for November. #firstfrost #delivery #rewritten #pageflutter #write #trysomethingnew #sixwordstory

Death whispered to her "come home". #pfsixwordchallenge for November 10, 2017. #pageflutter #thewhisper #write #writingprompts #trysomethingnew

#pfsixwordchallenge for November 9, 2017. #undercover #writing #trysomethingnew #writingprompts

#pfsixwordchallenge for November 8, 2017. #writingprompts #writing #trysomethingnew #pageflutter

I see a young girl standing Under a small oak tree Her eyes are swollen from weeping Her hands clenched upon her knees She keeps the pain inside Hiding behind an awkward smile That's only seem from the outside I want to reach out and touch her To hold her in my arms But something holds me back Something that may cause harm I turn my head away from her Not sure of what to do I look behind and see her in the mirror of my room She suddenly appears familiar And I wonder what it is I see I look again in the mirror And realize that she is me -Shonna Dion

I touched the first book, which was a portkey to another land. And when I completed the seventh book and aparated back, my heart was splinched.

I imagine it would have been extraordinary!