I know it’s been a while. A long while. I picked up writing again this week. It wasn’t a Monsta X fic, but it was nice to write again. It felt like stretching after sitting for such a long time. I wanted to check in and see how everyone was. I’m keeping the blog up and all the stories up with no plans to every delete and I may try to find my way back into writing for MX again. I do miss writing and the fanfic community. I hope everyone is well and taking care of themselves. It is almost spooky season and it is my favorite season (I may have already started decorating my townhouse), so who knows maybe the mood will strike to return with more stories. I miss MX, writing, and you all more than you know.
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I miss seeing and hearing Shownu. I love seeing the other members grow and progress in their individual careers and so for Monsta X. And I’m extremely proud of Shownu for doing his duty. But I miss him something fierce!
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Shownu’s elbow bumped yours as you both worked on washing the dishes. You giggled after he made you drop the plate back into the water. The slight slosh of the water dampening the counters edge.
“Careful,” he instructs and you look at him in surprise.
“You made me drop it!” You chide and he laughs which makes you smile bigger. “Last one,” you say handing him the now clean plate and he takes it drying it while you empty the sink and rinse it out.
You lean back on the edge of the counter as you watch him put away the last of the dishes. The long lean line of his body catching you attention as well as the flex of his arm muscles as he places the plate high in the cabinet. He turns, but you can’t help yourself. His gaze falls on you. The atmosphere seemed to shift around. Wordlessly he neared you before tossing the dish towel onto the counter. You tipped your head back to look up at him. His dark eyes staring deep into yours.
“I like you,” he says softly. His hand reaching out to touch your waist. You don’t move and he takes it as sign to continue. “And I have a feeling you feel the same.”
“Maybe,” you offer and he tries to hide his smile before leaning down.
“Maybe? That’s all I get?” He asks, his voice teasing as his breath fans down your neck. You shiver and start to reach out to touch his stomach.
His lips brush down your temple. Your body reacts and you arch into him, pressing against him. He grins, proud of the reaction he is able to elicit.
“Shownu,” you murmur.
“Mmm?” He asks, his mouth nearing yours.
“Kiss me?” You ask and he does.
You kiss him back and it’s like a thousand stars bursting to life inside of you. He presses you back against the sink edge as your nails skim down his abs. He lifts you with ease and a spill of giggles leave you. After he shifts placing you on the counter he slides between your knees and you let him, arms wrapping around his shoulders, and his hands on your lower back. The kissing ends and he leans back to study you.
“Don’t stop,” you plead and reach for his shirt to pull him back into you. He smirks as you tug.
He comes willingly after a moment, his mouth on yours and you moan into him.
“I don’t want to stop,” he confesses.
“So don’t.”
“Stay the night then,” he breathes, his nose brushing yours, both of your eyes closed as you pant for air. You were on the edge and if you stayed tonight you knew you wouldn’t be able to stay to yourself.
“I shouldn’t.”
“Why not?” He asks, rocking back on his heels.
Your hair was mussed, lips swollen and red, as you stare at him. “Because if I stay I don’t think I can keep to myself.”
“Maybe that was my plan,” he teases making you blush hotter.
He brushes his lips against yours before stepping back and letting his gaze run over you. You stare back at him, heart racing before you look away, cheeks flaming hot and your body aching for you to say yes.
“I can’t, not yet,” you whisper still not looking at him. He steps closer, grasping your hand and bringing your knuckles to his lips.
“And that’s okay.”
You turn your gaze back to his and he nods reassuringly.
“We take our time.”
“Okay.”
You both grasp your glasses and move to his sofa. You curl up against the armrest and watch him as he stretches out beside you.
“I will sleep well now,” you confess. “Full of delicious food and good wine.”
“I’m glad I could help.”
You lean into his touch as he strokes your cheek. “Thank you for coming tonight.”
“Of course!” You smile and lean into his side. His arm folds around you as you get comfortable together.
“Can you stay for a movie?”
“Of course.”
He grabs his remote control and starts a movie before reaching and grabbing an extra throw blanket to keep you warm. You smile immediately before looking at him.
“Thank you.”
“Anytime,” he responds before leaning down to kiss you again.
After a tough day at work you were ready to be home. Your dream of the bakery plaguing your mind more often lately. You used to enjoy your job and thought about the bakery as an escape, but not anymore. It was a need growing deep inside of you to own your own business one day and make a career out of your passion. You sighed, pressing the call button for the elevator. The desire for a hot bubble bath rising to the surface as you groan, tipping your head back to stretch your neck.
“Rough day?”
You snap you head up to see Shownu looking at you. He had a knowing smile on his face. His backpack slung over his shoulder, but his normal professional attire had been traded for a pair of joggers and a loose shirt.
It had been almost a week of not seeing him and you had caught yourself thinking about him more often these last few days. Especially since the dream you had that kept coming back. It was a pleasant dream, but it was also a wet dream. And seeing him now in a pair of gray joggers and a thin white t-shirt was too alluring.
“Yes. What about you? Where’s your suit?” You blush at being so forward after you scrabble from gawking at him.
He shrugs. “I work out sometimes.”
“Okay,” you nod turning back as the elevator dings and the doors open.
You both step inside of it and he pushes the button for your floor. The doors close and you have to look at the floor. The reflection of him next to you sparked something inside of you. It felt out of the blue, but at the same time it didn’t.
“What happened?” He asks after a moment, his voice thicker. His gaze was glued to your reflection, hand tightening on his backpack strap.
“I hate my job,” you say softly. “I used to love it, but I have this crazy idea about owning my own business-.”
“What kind?” He asks, cutting you off. Interesting reflecting in his tone.
You lift your gaze to his and immediately look away. Something in those dark depths of his eyes stirred even more. You needed the elevator to open and soon.
“A bakery.” You answer, your breathe coming out quickly.
“I like cake.” He responds, his tone shifting and your eyes flash to his. He steps closer and you inhale. You wanted to reach out and touch him, but you didn’t.
The doors opened to your floor and you exhaled stepping off quickly. What was going on with you? Yes, he was attractive and smart, but you never acted like this. And maybe it had been a while since you had felt another’s touch, but that didn’t give you permission to get so flustered from a simple elevator ride.
“I was thinking about cooking tonight. Would you join me this time?” He asks pulling you out of your thoughts at your front door.
You look at him in surprise. “Sure.”
He smiles taking a step back. “See you in an hour.”
….
A hot soak with peaceful quiet and a fresh set of comfy clothes later you were knocking on his door and he answered with a glass of wine ready to go. You take it as he ushers you in while you drop your phone and keys on the counter. His hand brushes your back as he passes you to go back into the kitchen.
“Here you go,” he says pulling a stool out for you. His gaze dragging over you from the tips of your toes to your head. A warm blush blooms on your cheeks as you move forward. “You look comfy now.”
“Very,” you respond, taking the seat as your hands brush down your t-shirt and leggings. He steps back, returning to the stove.
You begin to admire his apartment. It was clean and had tasteful decorative pieces. It was him down to the little pieces that tied it all together, it had a strangely perfect balance to it. You turn back to him and he is watching you with an amused expression.
“Did you decorate your apartment?” You ask taking a much needed sip of wine.
“No, my mother did. She owns an interior decorating firm.” He is back behind the counter, chopping. “Is it that obvious?”
“No.”
He laughs a little at your lie before putting everything in a saucepan. You look down at the butcher block counter top and trace the pattern in the grain of the wood. It was nice to distract yourself from him. His essence surrounding you flooded your senses and was distracting.
“How long have you worked at your job?” He asks pulling you back to the present conversation.
You look up again. “Six years. I started right after college. My parents were thrilled.”
He moves closer to refill your wine glass. You hadn’t even realized you had finished the first.
“Careful, you’ll get me tipsy.” You murmur and he quirks an eyebrow. He had seen you drink a lot more at Louis and Daphne’s and you had been fine. You clear your throat. “I didn’t eat lunch today.”
“You should take better care of yourself,” he reprimands, his tone shifting to a more authoritative tone. “Make sure you eat.”
It surprised you as you took a sip and set the glass down.
He clears his throat, his tone shifting back to normal, “do your parents know you hate your job?”
“Umm… they passed away,” you say gently and he pauses. His gaze lifting to yours. “Car accident almost three and a half years ago.”
“I’m sorry.”
You shrug. “You didn’t cause it.”
He nods, stirring his ingredients as they sizzle and the aroma begins to fill the room, he moves around the counter offering you a sample out of another pot. You take it and smile at him.
“That is amazing! I thought you didn’t know a lot about cooking?”
“I asked my mother to show me a few things,” he confesses and you see a slight blush color his cheeks. “I wanted to be able to host once.”
“That’s so sweet of you Shownu. I will let Daphne and Louis know and I’m sure they would not mind, I know I don’t if it tastes this amazing.”
He laughs admiring you long enough that it makes you blush.
Jooheon's arms crossed over your upper body as he pulled you closer to him. Your breath coming out in clouds in the chill of the winter night air.
"What's on your mind Beautiful?"
"Nothing," you respond shifting to be chest to chest with him. His lips purse into a line because he knows your lying. "I'm fine, promise."
"Okay."
You smile a little at how handsome he is. His eyes scanning the river now behind you. You had meant to make a quick walk home from dinner with friends, but after finding the snow was no longer falling you had both paused to admire the Han River and spend time together in the quiet of the evening. The calmness of the little stretch of park that was empty compared to the still bustling streets not far from you both.
His lips press to your temple and you can't help the flush that colors your cheeks. He dips his head down, lips ghosting along your cheek before pressing against the corner of your lips.
He chuckles softly. "Whenever I kiss your cheek, your face gets so red."
"No it doesn't," you deny even though you can feel the burn in your face. A little tingle because of how cold it is also letting you know just how much blood had rushed to color your face.
He laughs stroking your hair back and then wrapping his arms back around you to haul you closer to his chest. His lips brush your temple.
"Liar."
You giggle snuggling your face into his chest. You inhale his cologne and exhale.
"It's because of you."
He laughs. "Let's go home Baby. We are both shivering."
He grasps your hand as you untangle from one another before making the trek back to your apartment.
Hi. Can I request prompt # 14 and 19 for Hyungwon? Any genre will do, whatever makes you comfortable. Congratulations on your milestone and thank you for this. 🥰
Here you go Love! I hope you enjoy it! ❤️
------
"Hyungwon!" You called, wandering through the convenience store looking for him.
"Here," he responds. His head sticking out from behind a row of chips and candies.
"Ah," you grin moving forward with your favorite treats in hand. "Any luck with the soda dilemma?"
"Yes," he waves a bottle in between you as he browses a shelf of chips. You admire him, the plush look of his lips, the side swept bangs, the way his eyes seemed to zone in as he carefully selected a bag of chips.
"Alright, well I'm going to go check out," you respond leaving him to his selection process or at least you attempted to but his hand caught the tail of your coat.
"I'm buying tonight remember?"
"I didn't agree to that."
He frowned at you, letting his annoyance show.
"Fine," you huff and continue to wait for him.
After selections have been made, with bag in hand you make your way to your favorite spot in the park. He carries both the bag and blanket as you walk a few steps ahead basking in the warm glow of the late afternoon sun.
Once the blanket is spread out and you are sitting together eating your favorite selections he speaks.
"Your hair has red in it sometimes."
You pause around a bite of your food to meet his gaze. He grins, a faint blush coloring his cheeks.
"Stop," you tell him. Your own cheeks colored a faint pink.
"Stop what?"
You narrow your eyes at him. "Staring at me like that?"
"Like what?"
“Like we are apart of a K-drama and you are about to profess your undying love for me."
He blushes red hot at your words looking away into the sun. You note how much lighter his eye color is as the sun shows every one of his perfect features.
The moments tick by and it makes your thoughts run wild. Was he going to profess his love?
"Hyungwon?"
"Hmm?" He asks, unpacking another snack for you to share.
"What happened?"
He pauses. "Nothing," he says quietly, shifting the plastic sack around. You reach across to pause his nervous fiddling and his gaze meets yours.
You give him an encouraging smile and he sighs.
"I was just kind of hoping that you’d you know… fall in love with me."
Your jaw drops and he blushes beginning to stutter a little through his next sentence.
"But of course we're friends... and that's okay too. I... I've always liked you more though."
"Oh," you whisper more to yourself than him as you realize all of this time it hasn't been one sided.
"I know this isn’t a movie, or a happy ending— I know that, but I mean it. I really mean it."
"I know," you say simply sitting frozen in your spot. "And I feel the same."
"You do?" He asks and you nod once, a small smile on your face. His smile brightens his whole face as he grasps your hand tightly and press his lips to your knuckles. "I love you."
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You giggled as Shownu rolled his eyes at Minhyuk's proposal for you to go to dinner even though you had already ate with your sister. You bite your lip settling into the depths of the sofa with ease. Shownu sat beside you, hands on his legs as his brothers clamored about excited to see you after you had spent time on a trip with your family in Singapore.
You lean into him bumping shoulders as he quietly sits beside you. He had always been a man of few words when there were too many people, but you knew him on a deeper level. Something was off.
"You okay?" You whisper.
He bobs his head yes once before looking at you as you stare at him. He smiles and you frown before seeing something large and stuffed coming at you. Shownu catches it with ease before it can smack you in the face as Changkyun pushes an embarrassed Jooheon in the chest.
"It's fine," you laugh and toss it back to them. You lean into Shownu again. "Take a walk with me? The cherry blossoms are in bloom."
"Okay," he agrees and helps you to your feet as you both pull on your shoes and a light jacket.
.....
You walked together quietly. His gaze on the path ahead as you passed more and more couples in love.
"Shownu?"
"Mmm?"
You sigh and reach out to catch his hand and squeeze it while pulling him to a stop. He looks down at you.
"Talk to me."
"It's nothing."
"Liar."
He chuckles a little before the mask slips and you can read him with ease. You had been right, he was upset about something.
"Talk to me," you repeat.
He looks down at his feet before looking back up at you. "I missed you."
"I missed you too."
"All the time you were gone they kept teasing me and it has messed with my thoughts," he says with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Teasing you?"
He nods starting to try to walk again, but you grip his hand tighter.
"Talk to me? What has gotten into you?"
He shuffles before sighing and you fight back a smile at his nerves that were making an extremely rare appearance.
"They think I should be dating you." He says quickly. "Everyone does, really. My friends think I am dating you. At least some of them think I am."
"Oh."
He nods and you feel your cheeks get hot as you blush. You glance away this time.
"I told them..."
Your gaze lifts to his. "Told them what?"
"You wouldn't see us that way..."
"Why not?"
"Because," he scratches the back of his neck in nervousness. "You are my best friend."
"Sometimes the best of friends can become the best of relationships Shownu," you say and his lips part as you blush even more.
You look away, hands clasping as you get ready to disappear into the sidewalk beneath your feet from embarrassment. You start to edge a foot backwards, but he notices and grasps your hand quickly.
"No, don't go."
"Then say something!" You cry as he stares at you, a look you've never seen before on his face.
He smirks pulling you closer until his lips press yours in a peck, but you grasp his coat pulling him back to you for an actual kiss. He chuckles arms wrapping around you.
"So I guess it's official," you murmur staring up into his gaze. "Your friends were right."
He laughs before you begin walking together, bodies bumping from how close you are to one another.
what's does love mean to you? | ty @kyunsies for tagging me 💜
something you hold onto. | you hold onto love like it's anchoring you to earth, and maybe it is. but why is that? do you fear that one day all this love you've found will somehow disappear, or that one day someone will just decide you don't deserve it? what if i told you that all this love isn't finite, that no matter who you are and who you become, love will always exist for you in so many forms. it will find you regardless of how worthy you think you are of it, you don't need to hold onto it so tightly out of fear of it leaving. you don't deserve to be abandoned, i'm sorry if love ever taught you that you deserving of that. but real, sincere love won't abandon you. the people who love you? they really do really love you, they aren't lying. and you can continue to hold onto this love, just trust that you don't have to grip it so tightly.
tagging; @cosmictaemin @singswithmicoff @korimi4 @appleteez @sarah-simps @crownofluminarys 💜 (sorry if you didn't want to be tagged :( )
you hold onto love like it's anchoring you to earth, and maybe it is. but why is that? do you fear that one day all this love you've found will somehow disappear, or that one day someone will just decide you don't deserve it? what if i told you that all this love isn't finite, that no matter who you are and who you become, love will always exist for you in so many forms. it will find you regardless of how worthy you think you are of it, you don't need to hold onto it so tightly out of fear of it leaving. you don't deserve to be abandoned, i'm sorry if love ever taught you that you deserving of that. but real, sincere love won't abandon you. the people who love you? they really do really love you, they aren't lying. and you can continue to hold onto this love, just trust that you don't have to grip it so tightly.
Tagging: @raibebe @hyungheons @monbebe26-monstax (you dont have to if you dont want too) and anyone else who would like take the uquiz
i know you because i am you. love is everything to you and you're trying so hard to find it in every part of your life; you've refused to let yourself be blinded by apathy and cynicism and in its own way, that's a form of love. you're trying to make everything love and i hope you never stop doing that, but sometimes we can't make everything into love - being treated unfairly, feeling unheard and unseen, having your words twisted - those things aren't love, please don't try to make them feel like they are. you have so much love inside you and learning to express that externally is hard, but i'm proud of you and i hope you take care of yourself. you create love wherever you go, i hope you give that love to yourself too.
I hope to continue the story as well as the Shownu neighbor story. I think I may be a little more Shownu focused over the next few posts, because I heart him and definitely am missing him if that makes sense. I don’t even know if “missing” him is a justified statement considering I haven’t seen his face in person in almost two years (thanks COVID).
I still have ALL your lovely prompt requests to answer and I will. I promise and I’m so sorry I haven’t answered them. I’m just full of not hitting the mark for you guys this past 1/2 year to year. Writing took a backseat and it kills me to not have it as my priority because it’s my favorite hobby. But life is hard right now. I love my job, I love the team I work with, but it’s been tough these past three months. Due to a turnover issue I’ve had to pick up the slack and am doing the job of two people and it’s starting to take its toll. I don’t know, guessing I’m ranting.
Anyways, conclusion to ramble: no, I’m not done writing, yes, I miss Shownu, and I will try to be back soon. As always, I heart you all and your persistence event though I’ve been super sketchy in writing and appearances lately. ♥️
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