Stuffs

Chat with Comcast Analyst at 2:03 PM Brian R.: Hello, my name is Brian R. How can I assist you today? You: I am moving to another residence Brian R.: You want to cancel your Comcast service. Is that correct? You: just move it Brian R.: May I ask why you want to cancel your service? You: I do not want to cancel Brian R.: Please, tell us what we did wrong. We deserve an explanation, don't you think? You: I am going to stop paying for services Brian R.: That wasn't very convincing. This will be a lot easier if you just cooperate with me here. You: I cancelled the card i have on file Brian R.: I understand that you want to disconnect, but I need to ask a few questions. What are you wearing right now? You: jeans Brian R.: Did you know Comcast can get you five or six times better service than any other company? Any. Other. Company. You: liar Brian R.: Is the #1 Internet service provider just not good enough for you? You: Brian, I have had better. Brian R.: Look, I'm just trying to understand why you want slower Internet speeds when you could have the best service in the whole world. You: Don't you remember the Slowski's? They were the shit Brian! Brian R.: Wait... this is about that Internet service provider down the street, isn't it? You: Well, we have been seeing each other for quite some time. You don't notice anything. Brian R.: Are you honestly telling me that this new provider satisfies you more than the #1 ISP in the country? You: I cut my hair for you AND YOU DIDNT NOTICE! AGAIN! Brian R.: Does this other ISP make you laugh? You: You neither satisfy or make me laugh. it's a lose/lose. when is the last time you put the fucking dishes away or made me dinner?!?!? or said I LOVE YOU?!?!?!?! Brian R.: I don't think you actually want to cancel your service. You don't really mean that. You: I want to be satisfied. I have found someone else who can do that for me, brian Brian R.: Listen, let's not say anything we'll regret. Let's just sleep on this and talk about it more later. Okay? You: you're going to have to let go of the past and move on. find someone who will make you happy...and who has very low standards Brian R.: Don't you remember all the good times we shared? All the pirated tv shows swept under the rug? You: You can't pirate for shit. Just like your mother Brian R.: Oh yeah? Well I heard that this new provider you love so much really gets around. They won't give you the same attention that Comcast does. You: He's out of that game. It's all about me now Brian R.: Shhhhhhhhhhhh. You: Don't SHHHHH ME ANYMORE!!! Brian R.: Let me talk for one second. Have you ever, once, thought about Comcast's feelings in all of this? You: ARE YOU GOING TO HIT ME AGAIN? Brian R.: I'm sorry. I'm SOOOO sorry. This is my fault. I see that now. It's MY FAULT that you don't want to be with the fastest Internet service provider in the world. MY FAULT. You: Your fault Brian R.: Miley was so right... you came in like a wrecking ball. You: Yea, Bri. I hit hard. It's over Brian R.: ~I CAME IN LIKE A WREEEECCKING BALL~ You: I JUST CLOSED MY EYES AND SWUNG Brian R.: ~ALL I WANTED WAS TO BREAK YOUR WALLS~ You: ALL YOU EVER DID WAS Brian R.: All you ever did was wreck me. You wrecked me. You: I can't say that i am sorry either. I leave broken hearts everywhere Brian R.: Maybe everyone should know what you search for after work. And before work. And when your partner thinks you're sleeping. You: go for it. shoes will not surprise anyone Brian R.: Fine. Like I even care. You're not exactly the greatest customer in the world, you know. Sometimes you have really bad breath. You: yea, and your feet stink all the time. and the time you asked if those jeans made you look fat, i lied. YOU LOOKED FAT Brian R.: You know what? You don't even deserve the fastest Internet in the country. I hope you and this new provider are happy together. You're perfect for one another. You: durrr Brian R.: Is it okay if I keep in touch with your parents? We always got along really well. You: sure, you can be the adopted needy man child they always wanted Brian Brian R.: Can you just order one more pay-per-view movie? For old time's sake? You: screw off. Brian R.: We can still be friends, right? You: We can't...but i'll still bang your dad and best friends on the side like i always have Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: gone Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: gone Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: gone Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: gone Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: gone Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: so needy Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: is that all you have left Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: ? Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: this is a sorry plea Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: so sad Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: you'll find a new custome Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: customer*. one that will stay true. Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: you're beautiful... Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: you're beautiful... Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: you're beautiful, it's true Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: It's time to say our good byes. Brian, it's been horrible. Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: I hope i never see you or speak with you again. Brian R.: Please don't leave!!! You: goodbye. Brian R.: Please don't leave!!!