holidays are dead around here
I’m sick and tired of my health. I’m sick and tired of my body dysmorphia, being in my own skin. I’m sick and tired of my living situation. I’m sick and tired of putting my self in situations with people that just don’t give a fuck. That’s all I've ever been. absolutely fucking nothing to anyone. family included. It’s the worst part about any fucking holiday. a reminder that I'm alone. a reminder that im nobody. a reminder that when things finally start looking up, you put your fucking soul into someone, you find your self finally seeing yourself getting married, having kids, being a fucking normal person like everyone around you just for them to fucking shit on you run off and reminding you, you’re not fucking worth their time, this other person is. because she was right. I'm not worth anyones time. I never even wanted those things but for once I saw myself there. just being a normal fucking persons.
I’ve always tried doing the right thing. I swear I'm a good person, and its never enough.
I'm sick and tired of myself. no matter how hard, somehow someone just reminds me that you're not worth anything.
all I want to do is sleep and I can’t even do that. The one thing that lets me not feel anything and I can’t even do that.
I can’t fucking do anything right. I try and I try to do things right and it just doesn’t matter. I still end up right where I am. pathetic and alone.
