carpe diem ;

Okay, so back to Tumblr nanaman ako bcoz I’ve been worrying a lot lately. I’ve been thinking about stuff that I shouldn’t think of the first place. Nagwworry nanaman ako and the only way to escape these shits is to write down everything. I have no one else left beside me but myself. So di ko alam kung ano uunahin, paano uumpisahan. I have a lot of kwento super super dami na. I kennat even make kwento everything. Basta I’ll try to keep my Tumblr up to date 💕

02/16/16 • You don't have an idea in what's going on with me and I'm so sorry for making it hard for you. I know I've been acting so weird & unpredictable but how could I explain it to you if I couldn't understand myself to begin with :'( I just don't wanna act like I'm seeking and asking for your time and attention because I shouldn't be on the first place. Well the truth is, I miss you. I miss you so much :'( I think of you every second of my day. From the time I woke up till I close my eyes to sleep. From on I'm way to work, when I'm at work till when I'm on my way home from work, I think of you. When I'm with my friends, I think of you. You're always on my mind and you're just stucked in here. But I have to pretend that I don't care because I want your attention. I want your time, your loving and your care which I know that you couldn't give to me :'( Yeah, I don't want to sound like pathetic, worthless & hopeless girl in front of you that's why I have to pretend that I don't care anymore.. But I do. It's so hard and I'm so sorry :'( :'( And I also know that you hated dramas, crying and some shitty stuff that's why I'm trying to be tough. And it crashes me down because instead of asking me "what's wrong" it seems like you don't care too. Seems like you're not interested in fixing and catching up with me. I bet you're happy with your family and you'll be fine with or without me so I know you wouldn't care about me anyway.. But I'm just waiting. I've been waiting and giving you a chance to catch up like what you are saying to me that you will. I waited and waited. But seems like I'm the only one who's planning and all. I've been looking, searching for places that we can drop by and spend time together but you didn't appreciate them. And I definitely understand that you have something to do for your family to meet both ends. That's what I'm sorry about because I keep on getting frustrated of not being with you. But I was still hoping you can do something to catch up atleast. I know we can always find way to meet someone if we want to. I know you can't do much the way I can.. And I'm so sorry for that. You'll never know how you run in to my mind everyday. I'm so sorry for making this complicated. I hope you still think of me. I hope you also miss me like how I hardly miss you..

02/14/16 • Woke up at 12pm, Baby greeted me Happy Valentine's and gave me this card with a little bouquet of bougainvillea 😊💕 I slept and woke up again at 4pm. While eating my late lunch, Kuya was making kulit to me and said "Ate look at your bag" I checked my bag after I ate and found nothing so I ignored. Then he makes kulit nanaman singing "Ate look at your bag" Sabi ko "Wala naman ah." Then he said "Tanga sa may zipper" (yeah I know, he's so sweet to call me tanga hahaha) Then I got my favorite chocolate!!! 😍 "Kanina pa kita ginigising eh tinutusok tusok ko tyan mo. Dapat mamaya kopa sasabihin bago ka pumasok sa office kaso baka matunaw." -Kuya Then I held my tears back heheh. Big or small, I'll always appreciate surprises :"> Thank you so much Baby and Kuya! 😘 Happy Valentine's Day, I love you monsters ❤ #HappyAte 😊💞

I couldn't even count how many times I cried today just because I miss you. I miss you and I can do nothing but to wait till you send me a message. Sometimes it's just a bonus if you're gonna send me one in a day because I know yeah, you're busy working and driving having stuff to do way more important than me. Yeah, priorities I know.. Texting while driving is too risky but I know you have some spare time to take a break and eat, smoke some cigarette while drinking soda. But I wonder if you really couldn't afford to chat me or to send me a random message saying "Hey Honey. I miss you. I'm thinking of you and I want to be with you right now" But I know you're not that sweet kind of a person that would say that out of nowhere. Siguro yung pinaka sweet mo ng sinasabi sakin eh "Janne, miss na kita" with some missed calls. You rarely call me Honey so that's fine. But most of the time I really couldn't help myself to think and compare how it goes if that's your wife who's chatting you. I bet you can afford to reply to her and be sweet because cmmon' that's given, she's your wife. I never really demand something I know you couldn't make because I know my limits to begin with. We almost see each other everyday before way back when we still work together but now I have this thoughts of "when am I going to see you again?", "when are we gonna spend lots of time together, laugh together, tell stories and have a long drive?" Okay this is deep already. But this is how hard it is to miss you Honey :'(

Ang bilis ng oras. Like I can literally feel it went by way too fast. And I don’t supposed to have a shift tonight but this so-called “transition (insert fucking) off” just blew it away!! I hate working on weekends. Just simply because weekends are for me. Yeah, they supposed to be just for me. For me, together with my loved ones especially with my brother and sister. But I just can’t.. Can’t even uuugghhh!

02/13/16 • Time flies so fast. 'Ts been a year but it feels so different now. He doesn't want to loose me back then but now it feels like he doesn't care anymore..

I just installed Tumblr again. I hope by this time I won’t be so lazy to post a blog because I freaking need a buddy right now. I need atleast something I can write in to about this random shits that’s going through my mind. So okaay. This time, I won’t care about followers. I won’t care about how many notes, messages or fan mail. I just simply want to have something I can make kwento about my most random shits in my everyday life. So let’s go!

Siisssss. Omg omg. U still remember me? I lost your Viber eh. Buti nalang may app na ng Tumblr. It's been a year nadin simula nung huli akong nag Tumblr eh. I know dito nalang kita uli makikita. Haayy. I miss you!! Hope to hear from youuu

It's been an ages since the last time I opened my Tumblr!! I got tons and tons and tons of stories, thoughts and everything else to share. Omg. Omg. Like omg. I also missed my Tumblr peeps. I missed the place where I can speak my mind. Woooh. So let's start it yaayy!

My favorite author tweeted me!!! Omg 😍😍 You'll be signed soon babies!! See you very soon Ms. @Lissa_Price 👏👍 #favorite #scifi #starters #enders 💞💕