the girl who found herself on tumblr

I'm in the middle of crushing on someone that should not be. I mean, I just had this crazy thoughts and sudden feelings for someone unexpectedly fleeting. It's sound cringy, and I think it is too I know but I'm gonna tell it anyway here to realize something and probably wake up my senses. Although I already know I should.

Well, I know myself that I get easily flattered when I've found or felt something what I'm looking for to someone. It's not everyday I get the chance to meet someone and meet my expectations. That is why sometimes, I have this thing in my head like I am attracted to this person something like that. Then my mind will go wild and overthink things like, "oh I think he'll be a good partner" and then imagine romantic things and including him in my future, like how nice would it be to do these things with him everyday and so on. See, that's my problem and I don't know what to do about it. But then again sometimes I know. So yeah, I know I'm a bit chaotic and confusing.

So, I had this guy and he is my classmate. Actually,I have already noticed him since day 1 but I disregarded it because I don't know,I was so immensed at the nows of my daily college life that everything I experienced were all normal things and they were'nt big deals to think and write of. And actually it's my first time writing again about how I feel since first day of Baguio.

So going back...well, this guy is someone I can fight like a little kid with. immature fights (but not intentionally). We're just acting like that so I get used to it, and it didn't mean anything.

Until....

one night, I saw him in my dreams, weirdly. I mean, why would he appear in my dreams? he is the least I expect to dream of. really. I didnt mind it at first because It was merely a dream and I even told it to my friend.

This week gone in a glimpse and then Thursday came and we had ftf class. We were groupmates in one of our subjects and I had a nice, unexpected and very open conversation with him. It was really a good conversation with him and I like talking to him that lab period. I really didn't expect him to ask a lot of questions about me and I didn't expect to be curious about him. I didn't really want to talk to him because he had to finish his part on our group activity and I didn't want to share who I am personally to him. Like why would I? we're not even that close to share my likes and me as a person to him.

But he was just so stubborn to ask so I myself didn't expect to share my thoughts and about me to him. I got to know him, but not very much. He was very talkative, yes. but he is also a good listener. I mean he's good at conversing to someone like me who hardly talk and share. He can notice and pictures who I am witbout even telling him. I mean how did he know me. He's just guessing but how come he is right about me. Like how I like classics, aesthetic, strong independent woman, paris, simple things...etc. Maybe that is why I like talking to him because he seems interested in me and I know he will listen...I really admire our conversation because we talked about ourselves and our thoughts openly...we got to know each other, or at least I have.

Still, I am happy spending my time with them and laugh a lot. I should not be even thinking of my childhood love. It’s so stupid of me. How can I still think that we’re the same 11 years ago? I didn’t realize how foolish I am to not be able to imagine things and people change including feelings. I did not think that he could met more beautiful girls than me in a big city. I don’t know why he still gives me butterflies in my stomach after all the long years we didn’t had communication. there’s me again, foolishly hoping and flattering herself unreasonbly. I think I should just stop the thoughts of him here. I’ll do my best not to look for him and just focus on my studies like before. but infairness, how can he still give me that effect? he’s even younger than me by 2 years. (sigh) Therefore, starting tomorrow, I will do priorities first. One at a time. Slowly with my own pace.