THE VIOLET HOUR .

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mindy's general fashion sense is a sign of the times. growing up, she was taught that clothes were a tool that had no purpose beyond function. that image had no factor. however, being integrated into real social settings after the loss of her dad quickly disproved that statement : bombardments of bullying and social outcast at 12 from girls her age leaving a lasting impact on the image mindy demands of herself when in a circle of what she'd otherwise consider normal people.

her fashion sense develops with those she's surrounded by, being a social chameleon who's even subconsciously good at blending with / absorbing traits of the environments she's nestled in during the moment. it's a trait she'd developed as she stepped into adulthood as a result of being such a reclusive person -- going from an adultified child to an actual adult woman was a strange transition with plenty of mistakes made along the way. the easiest way to adapt to it was to simply mirror what she witnessed.

she does still tend to stick with things that are moreso for comfort as opposed to simply looking good, but a crisis in identity and bdd ( body dysmorphic disorder ) in her late teens, she started to properly experiment with the way she presents herself to other. it's an exhausting process that's never quite finished, but being so adaptive and susceptible to change is arguably the most human thing about her.

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the biggest development shockingly came with the addition of a handbag. while femininity isn't tied to it, she's always been a rucksack or shoulder bag kinda person, and the sort of sense of maturity that came with carrying a handbag with her was a catalyst of figuring out the way she wants to be perceived as an adult outside of her serial killing persona. while she still sometimes carries weapons on her person in social settings, they're seldom used, or otherwise only used when she finds herself in a secure enough situation to.

rarely does she carry anything identifiable on her person. if she knows she's going out with a purpose, she'll adjust the contents of her bag to suit it, and only take what's needed when needed. the same can be said for small weapons, fake IDs, and burner phones.

while she does bank digitally under a pseudonym, mindy typically only carries cash in person.

like any woman, she does end up carrying around crap she doesn't need or simply forgets to switch out. hair clips, scrunchies, pens, earrings, etc. receipts are something she beats herself up over however, for she hates the idea of her mistakenly creating her own papertrail.

essentials are considered her glasses, small first aid kits, pain killers, and cash. but headphones and books for long distance travel.

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mindy didn't fully start caring about the way she looks until the tail end of puberty, which she spent in mumbai, india. a lot of what womanhood means to her was learnt from a transgender woman called prema, as well as her community of hijra sisters : while being a woman herself at face value doesn't carry much weight to mccready, having a nurturing woman mentor in her life, albeit briefly, was impactful. the dynamic helped mindy somewhat with the challenge of looking inwards and identifying in herself that she will not forever be a bloody red stain in memory of a dead father and living mother - and that she's allowed to surpass what was once expected of her.

femininity or rather feeling like a woman is something mindy still, at times, struggles with. but that's not a result of gender identity or dysphoria as opposed to the depersonalisation and total ego death that transpired during her childhood, and the lasting impact of not having true personhood.