#meanwhile shane is having a panic attack#because ilya is petting him#and fucking up his hair#and they don't do that x2#so it must be sex time#because that's the only thing ilya likes about him right#just completely missing each other while lying on top of each other
i appreciate these tags so much because i feel like no one EVER talks about this but it was what struck me from the very first time i watched it! they're on completely different pages here! ilya is (perhaps unintentionally, but at the very least unconsciously) seeking a non-sexual kind of intimacy, but like you say, they don't DO that. so shane is completely unable to rest in the intimacy/comfort of the moment and immediately starts escalating it to sex. (i don't think he's actually panicking because he doesn't realize yet, that will come after.) and of course it's not like ilya's going to say no because it's shane and he's being so fucking hot right now, but they come at this sex from such different angles (uh, metaphorically). then ilya says shane's name and shane suddenly recognizes the intimacy he'd once craved from ilya and cut himself off from hoping for a long time ago (i.e., post-vegas) and he can't let himself fall back into that torment nexus when he still doesn't have a reason to think it actually means anything more than all of ilya's other intimacies that meant something to shane ("we didn't even kiss"). (yes, i've very invested in the throughline from vegas to boston.) not that shane was even ready for all of that at the time but that's never stopped a yearner from yearning. he did eventually realize it meant more to ilya because he knew to use it as leverage to get his man back ("last time, it was different" and realizing how hurt ilya had been), but in the moment he thought he was still alone in the nexus.
The first time I watched the scene, I thought, man, that doesn't seem comfortable, when Ilya pulls Shane's head down to his chest. Like Shane's neck is at a weird angle, he's not relaxing into it, it's like it's happening and he doesn't know why. And he doesn't adjust his position at all. Like Ilya pulls him down fine, but like move your head a bit or snuggle in or whatever, so you can both watch TV.
But Shane doesn't do that. I can feel his mind racing. He asked Ilya a question about his family that he didn't answer, then accused him of speaking Russian, and then stopped talking and pulled him down his chest. What? Why? What is happening now? Like it's not even cuddling (they spooned in bed during the nap before the tuna melt, so it's not like Shane is against cuddling), but like Shane is being held hostage (by his brain? by his want? by wanting to please Ilya but not knowing what he wants?).
So Shane starts kissing down his chest because sex is what he KNOWS Ilya wants. He's got no idea what's going on with this guy today with wanting a sleepover, making him food (I still say a tuna melt is a WEIRD food to offer someone you've never eaten with unless Shane, like, mentioned in an interview that it's his preferred pre-game meal or whatever), watching TV, talking to him about girls (reminding Shane that Ilya is fucking anything that moves AND has noticed that Shane is NEVER seen with women), but he knows they can get off together. Ilya doesn't always have to be in charge, so Shane's gonna do it for him this time.
Meanwhile, Ilya's looking at him like he just discovered sex, which has also got to be weirding Shane out because that is NOT Ilya's sex face. But they're both cumming - together - so it's gotta be good right? And then "Shane" - it's just one more too many things that this hook up has gone off script and Shane is shutting down. He says Ilya back, almost like a reflex, but once he hears he says it, that's it. He's done.
There's so much happening in a short time, and even though they are literally on top of each other for the entire scene, they could not be more apart in their brains. The train wreck has been coming since Shane woke up with Ilya spooning him, but once the script is totally out the window, Shane can't deal. He's gotta go before one of them says something they can't take back because neither of them is ready. They may have been doing this for years, but they are only like 24/25 years old. Of course they can't talk to each other or say what they want.
