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@mlerpwonders

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went to my best friend’s house last night and saw a little plushie dog and plushie cat that had been sewn together down the middle into a two-headed chimera. I said, “did you do that?” she said, “yes, I saved them.”
turns out at her old job when the last two plushies hadn’t sold and became deadstock, her boss told her to cut them up and throw them out. so she cut them each in half, preserved their heads, and then rebuilt them together.
cannot stop thinking about the way these little plushies were approached with the instinct of a Vampire or some sort of ancient god. “Let me save you [turn you into a monster].”
The fact that the beheading was at the order of a superior, and the solution was to create some sort of monster of disobediance to the letter of the law instead of just lying and saving them adds a certain mythological resonance.
Trying to do a tarot reading but the guy across the table is running mono blue and keeps countering my major arcana.
everyone else shut up. this is the only tag

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clown graveyard and its just one grave
was discussing tumblr habits w somebody in a mutual discord server last night and they were so gobsmacked i like to ideally have 100+ posts in my queue at any given time 😭 how many do y’all have in your queue if you use it??
you were almost turned into a vampire, but before you could be fully turned, the vampire was staked. This left you with a vampire weakness, while still being human.
Spin the wheel to find out your weakness!
How much does this effect you?
Nothing changes
It's inconvenient but I can deal with jty
It will be hard to adjust but I'll figure it out
I don't know if I'll be able to live like this
Maybe I can find another vampire to finish the turning?
I might just kill myself
Results/other
thanks @theemmjay for submitting this poll idea!! Seriously it's such a cool concept I love it so much
I was not allowed to watch cartoons as a kid and so as an adult I am going back and watching a lot of what was big when I was a kid, and most of the shows are like. Okay. I see why a kid would enjoy this, and I see why an adult who watched it as a kid would still enjoy it, but entering into it for the first time as an adult, there's nothing here for me. (Very occasionally we get one where I don't understand why anyone enjoys it.) However, Phineas and Ferb is kind of in a category all its own.
Most kids' media makes it for adults and kids both by having the bulk of the content be aimed at kids, with the occasional adult joke where the punchline is sex or mortgage interest rates to amuse the adults that the writers assume are being forced to watch this at gunpoint. Other schools of thought exist, such as what Studio Ghibli does where adults and children are more or less invited to enjoy the same content on the same level.
Phineas and Ferb has an element where the same joke or heartfelt moment would presumably affect a child and an adult, and in the same way, more or less, but being an adult adds an additional facet to it that is born of your own experience -- and your experience as a child is as relevant as your experience as an adult. I think it's a subcategory of something that some very good stories do which is meet the viewer/reader/player halfway, if that makes sense? Uh... laughing with you rather than inviting you to laugh at something it constructed itself? IDK it's very hard to articulate. Calvin & Hobbes and The Hobbit have similar qualities, if that helps

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reading a historical romance novel and reflecting on the way these stories often present woke nobility for the contemporary reader. a big thing is servants. you can’t not have servants in those times but many modern readers think “but I would never have servants. it would be so weird to have servants” and in order to make the protagonists of the story more relatable they are actually friends with the servants. but flip your perspective and think of it from the side of the servants. wouldn’t it be so awful if your boss was always trying to be friends with you. a really common thing you’ll see is the woke baronet having tea in the kitchen with the servants bc he’s not like other baronets. but what if your boss wanted to hang out and talk during your lunch break every day. not so charming when you think about it that way
#okay but now what is the optimal way to be a good boss in this situation i genuinely wanna know#its easy to guess what makes a bad boss or a mid boss. but what is a good boss#specifically in such a highly structured hierarchal situation (via @rainbowroach)
HELLO you are asking questions that literature and poetry THROUGHOUT the middle ages has asked, and it is from this questioning that we derive things like the Codes of Chivalry (which is not "how to treat a noble lady really nice" but is actually "how to be an ethical person when you're rich and you own a horse" and includes such things as "don't run people over with your horse")
In fact I daresay you already know instinctively just from cultural osmosis what a good boss -- a good liege lord -- is and does based on the tropes that have survived to the current day and the kinds of things that get Hugely Praised in things like legends of King Arthur.
A good boss (liege lord) is:
Merciful. He is not having his peasants killed for things like poaching rabbits during a famine. In fact, he is working to mitigate famine. During times of individual hardship, he might negotiate with a peasant for a payment plan on their annual rent.
Patient. He is not impulsive, he does not lose his temper.
Prudent. He makes choices that are thoughtful, considered, conservative (in the sense of not needlessly risky--he's not investing his entire fortune in having everyone plant an unproven crop). He is making sure local infrastructure like roads and public buildings are maintained and kept in good nick.
Gentle. He doesn't haul off and slap a servant or a tenant for breaking a dish or making a mistake. He doesn't abuse animals, his wife or children, or his employees. He doesn't rape the servants.
Generous (both in money and in spirit). He is not extorting the peasants for an amount of rent that is beyond their means, he is not raising taxes every year to cover his own lavish lifestyle. He is paying his servants a living wage (or, if wages are low, he's giving them room/board/clothing to make up the difference). If someone in a tenant's family dies, the lord is sending a gift of condolence, or helping to pay for the funeral, or possibly even ATTENDING the funeral and speaking a few kind words about the deceased, ESPECIALLY if they were a really upstanding and important member of the community. If one of his tenants is gravely sick, the lord is sending a basket of food or paying for a doctor. He is giving charitably (generally this will be, like, a bequest to the church so that they can run a hospital or an orphanage or a school for the local village children).
Pious. This classically means "goes to church, submits with humility to God" but to me this quality is subtextually standing in for "maintaining an ongoing sense of Perspective that HE'S not god, that there are higher powers he is Accountable to, that he too can be Judged, etc, so that he doesn't end up going on a weird fucked up power trip"
Humble. One of the most admiring things you hear about a lord doing in literature and epic poetry is, "He ate off of wooden plates while his followers ate off of gold and silver." Humility isn't about being meek, it's just about not thinking so much of yourself that you turn your nose up and sneer at what "lesser" people do. In other words: Don't be a fucking diva. If your carriage gets stuck in the mud, climb out and help everybody else push, you're not gonna die from getting mud on your shoes.
Condescending. This word has changed wildly in meaning/tone over the last couple centuries -- it's now a rude thing to do (because we've done away with legal social hierarchies, so someone acting like they're lowering themselves to your level IS insulting), but in older times, a high-ranking person "condescending" to a servant was worthy of praise and admiration: it means they were setting aside rank and privilege to speak to them with the easygoing, friendly respect and compassion they'd give a peer. This is things like... Treats those beneath him with courtesy and respect (ie: listens soberly and attentively when one of his servants or tenants comes to complain about a problem). Having a sense of humor and kindness about it when the lord and a servant both come around a corner at the same time and run into each other and the servant gets knocked to the ground and starts babbling apologies--the condescending (positive) lord helps them to their feet with his own hands and cracks a joke to show them that it's ok (as opposed to just walking off without a word or insulting/scolding them). This is also things like trusting a farmer, woodcutter, or artisan to speak with expertise about their own livelihood and taking their advice into consideration if they tell the lord that one of his ideas won't work.
Good boundaries. The ethical liege lord knows that it's normal for the staff to probably be softly bitching about him in private (even with a really good boss, we all grumble from time to time). He's not eavesdropping on them, he's not going into the staff areas where they should reasonably expect to have a degree of privacy, etc.
Righteous and protective of "the weak". The "weak" here doesn't necessarily mean physically weak, this is often used in the sense of someone politically or socially weak, aka The Marginalized -- the poor, the disabled, women, children, the elderly, etc. If a lord sees someone like this being mistreated or abused, he's supposed to step in and put a stop to that.
Committed to reciprocity. In a highly hierarchical system like feudalism, every person (from the lowest peasant all the way up to the crown prince) legally OWES their liege lord certain things (taxes, labor, service, loyalty, etc). A good liege remembers and takes very seriously the idea that this should be a balanced and reciprocal relationship -- in other words, he owes something BACK. Feudalism is modeled very strongly on the family system: If children owe their parents obedience and service, then parents owe their children care and protection. This still applies when the "child" is a farmer and the "parent" is a local baron. Or when the "child" is a duke and the "parent" is the king.
Basically, we get so caught up in the aesthetics of nobility that we forget that it literally is a managerial position that comes with responsibilities that were... very similar back in the day to the same ones we have now. Humans have not changed all that much. At the end of the day, a really good boss in the 1400s versus in one from the 2020s displays most of the same qualities of personality, even if the details of execution are different.
The next question is, of course, "well, but this theoretical liege lord is HIGHLY idealized -- how often did that actually HAPPEN? Wasn't it more likely that everyone was exploited all the time?" and to that I say: Well, maybe. But again, I don't think humans have changed all that much. Just like the bosses of today, there's a SPECTRUM: A really really good boss is rare and precious and one that you tell stories about for years after you've left that job, but a truly, genuinely, homicidally nightmarish boss is also pretty rare. Most bosses are sort of meh -- they have their good moments, they have their shitty moments, but they're tolerable and you can get along with them well enough to do your job, and then you roll your eyes at them behind their back. Generally, humans don't take outright exploitation lying down. Being a bad boss in the historical period is how you get peasant uprisings and revolts, and you know that to be true because your parents raised you with that knowledge, so unless you are very stupid or inbred or an egomaniac, there is literal personal incentive to at minimum be a Tolerable liege lord. And that means hitting at least SOME of the above bullet points.
TL;DR: In the words of Honore de Balzac, "Everything I have just told you can be summarized by an old word: noblesse oblige!"
(for more discussions of the ethics of fealty and what it means to be a good boss when you are an exquisitely beautiful twink of a prince with a hot beefy bodyguard.... [fingerguns] read A Taste of Gold and Iron)
Not wrong not wrong,always have one in the chamber
I had a dream that opened immediately to me sitting on the edge of an indoor, hotel swimming pool. I was in a bathing suit with my feet dangling in the water. I knew right away that this was a dream, and I thought to myself that it was a pleasant one, because I love hotel pools so much. I love when they're so warm and accompanied by a hot tub as well that the entire room is steamy. I love when there are big windows so you can see winter outside. I love the children making friends and inventing intricate games in the water with strange children they'll never see again. I was enjoying all of that, when a woman appeared beside me, sitting with her feet in the water.
It was as if she blipped into existence, but it also felt that perhaps she was there before, and I hadn't noticed her. We both took a moment to look startled, and then we said hello. She looked like she was in her 60s or 70s. I started on small talk, and then she calmly and politely told me that she believed she was dying. I didn't know what to say. I said, "Oh. Are you sick?"
She said, "No. Right now. I think I'm dying right now."
She pointed across the swimming pool, and sure enough, she was there too, lying on the ground while someone performed CPR on her. Everyone was silent. The children stood in the pool and watched, ignoring their parents frantic, silent waving to come out.
The woman told me that the young woman and man beside her were her adult children. The children behind them were her grandchildren. Her husband was in their hotel room. I still didn't know what to say, so I asked her about her children.
She was worried about her son, who was going through a terrible divorce. She said he needed her. I told her that he would be okay. I told her about losing my dad when I was young and the way my friends and family took care of me. She was happy to hear it. She said she felt better about leaving. Then she said, "OH! I think I'm going back."
She was gone in an instant, and across the swimming pool she started vomiting water. I thought, "How nice I could keep her company during that ordeal" and "I should have asked her name so I could reach out to her." And then I woke up feeling like I didn't sleep at all.
this is a controversial opinion and I’m not a gamer but I don’t need my graphics to be that good. I don’t need to see every individual feather on a bird. my poor computer doesn’t deserve to carry that weight either.

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one time I had a dream that I unlocked a secret never-before-discovered achievement in Disco Elysium by squeezing into various nooks and crannies and got a special copotype called “Crevice Cop: seek out and inhabit crevices like some kind of man-spider” and I thought yeah!!! man-spider!!! crevice cop!!! this game GETS me!!!
and then I woke up to find that I had fallen partially down into the gap between my partner’s bed and the wall and was horrifically contorted and in agonizing bodily pain from sleeping in a position only comfortable to a brown recluse
Map of the United States but now each state touches the ocean
@mapsontheweb @the-real-numbers
All states can have a little sip of ocean water. As a treat.
hm. kentucky beach. tidewater, kentucky. norfolk, kentucky, home to the largest US navy installation on the east coast.
the picturesque outerbanks of tennessee.
the big apple: new york city, michigan.
Make one where the fewest possible states can access the ocean.