Ash The Wolf

As I said before I grew up in the ghetto and there was nice but like there somethings that made my mom decided to move us from there to where I live now. But there I had some nice times like enjoying a alote with a raspado on those hot summer days and the truck that would come with Furit, candy and snacks and those were some good times Americans have doordash and uber eats to get there food but that truck was the original. And the people there were nice mostly cause there were mostly hispanics and latinos but still I felt like a nice community. I went to the local elementary school there and made nice friends there. But good things had to come to end and my mom with the money she had borrowed from my grandpa had enough to get a moblie home. And we moved from a nice latino community to a mostly white city. Don’t get me wrong I like living here but there are somethings I miss that they don’t have here. But I still visit my hometown from time to time and enjoy the time I spend there. But I’m not that poor hispanic kid anymore. I worked hard for the things I got and now I’m going to High School taking college classes and getting a new phone. And this prove something that working hard pays off now i’m starting High School and I going to finish it and graduate so then I could make my mom and stepdad proud for all the sacrifices and challenges they had to face to provide for me and my siblings.

It's been I while since I've last posted on this site. I stopped posting after my mental health was very bad and I didn't felt posting. But know I feel like talking about it. With my mental health it was horrible as I would have panic attacks. And there was some drama with people. As I wondered why this was happening to me i realize that it was my fault. So I took a distance from people and focused on my mental heath it really helped me. But now I will be posting more

I am bad at school and have the worst grades. I don’t try to be this bad at my grades but some mental illness maybe adhd or something because in elementary school I use it never focus on class and even my teachers even knew and told my mom about how I don’t focus in class that well and just look at something else. Which is the truth because I never like to pay attention in class. And mom just told me to start focusing more and never took me to a doctor about me not being able to pay attention well. I don’t if it is or if the classes are just boring but sometimes I won’t focus in classes I would just draw or just fiddle with my pencil.

I need to say something. I have been an asshole to my friends and never realized it. And I want to atone the actions I did wrong. I want to say sorry for the people I hurt and said shit about behind their backs. I I knew was I said was wrong but I was just stupid to realize that.

I had suicidal thoughts all through elementary school after the abuse I went through with my dad. I have never told any of my friends during that period of time that I wanted to kill my self. And know some people know that I have suicidal thoughts and some don’t. But some think it is fun to insult or make things up for my best friend. And really lowered my mental health to the point we’re I wanted to cut my self with a knife. But I am still here and alive. And I thank the people who had supported me on my journey to find my self.

I came out to my mom for being gay to my mom and she was accepting of me and talk to me about it and was okay about it. But now I need to tell my grandparents and they are Christian and are homophobic.

I used to lie as a kid and last year but my mom is the liar in the family and would make me seem that I am making up lies but she is the one that is she says that she has never hit me. But she has and would tell me not to tell anyone and I couldn’t do anything and when I feel sick she doesn’t care all she wants is for my grades not my health. The person that cares for me is my dad he is the person that is kind to me and I love him like if I told him that I was gay he would support me and he gives me money just for be having and my siblings would get jealous because they are so greedy and they get that from my mom. When I try to nice to my mom she would take advantage of me when I ask her if she wants something and she would sometimes say no and when I buy something with my own money and would still asked me for it. Like what the hell I bought it I don’t have to share it with you and I asked you if you want something and you said no so don’t asked me. And she said that she doesn’t steal from me and I have check my wallet as a kid and find that she has stole form me and when I confronted her about it she’s would confess and I asked her why she told me for her garage sales and for her to buy clothes. She would still give me the money but I was pissed at her. And talk to her for a week.

I Never talk about this but I have been abused my dad and my mom have abused me ever since I was five. But they would never hit my younger brother because he was my parents favorite. And after 7 years when my dad left my mom still says she is going on what happen seven years old and I made a promise to her that if I go do military service I will give her papers to this county and she will give me 20,000 dollars but she keeps acting like I am her servant and I have to her work and never asked my brother to do it and she is a complete jerk she goes and tells me that I am stupid and that people like are the reason that we have shootings. When I try my best and makes me want to kill my self and every time and she made cry I would slap my self in the face and would sometimes cut my arms with a knife. And she wants me to be a straight person and marry a women which I don’t want to because I am gay. And if I tell her if I am gay she would be harassing me to be straight. And would tell my whole family. She talks about her manager in work and how she is so mean but she is worse then her manager. My stepdad has always been nice to me when she would be such an asshole and she is reason why I have depression and she has no idea about it because she wants to believe that she is not the cause of it but she is. Today when I stood up to her she told me that she was going to hit me.

Being sick is not a good thing and it will effect you. And I should know because I am sick. And that sucks because yesterday I was fine but today I am not. If this is Covid-19 then I would. Be in bed for days.

My friends are nice and care for me they are like my second family and I like how they protect me and help me when I need help. I want to do something for them and for helping me yesterday so I am planning to do the same thing like last year football game. And bring snacks for them.

I work for my mom for a couple of months and we had a deal I will work for her but not for money but for fast food and when I asked for boba for me and my siblings she said in three weeks because of how she spent so much money on a restaurant we all like so I said ok so when those 3 weeks went by I asked my mom if we are going to get it she told of how much money she spent and I talk her so what am I working. And she fired me after that I get how she spent so much money for her things but I hate all her bullshit and lies she tells and I willing to go do something for her to get her into this country and she told me so many times to call on my stepdad for being a emotional abuser while she tells me that people like me cause start shootings and I said in head is it because of the color of my skin or is it because she calls me stupid and a dumbass. And when I got bad grades she told that prison is where dumbasses like me go there. And that crossed the line for me she is the person the emotional abuses me and verbally abuses me.

- Ash the wolf

My stepdad is the best he really helps me change I wish I could say that for my mom she is so annoying and she is always the one pissing me off the most of more than my stepdad and she never evens helps me with anything she always says that if I keep this up with my grades I would work at a mcdonalds and she always say the same thing to me and tells me that how many people want Us citizenship and she wants want my grades to improve and when she is putting the most pressure on my grades she is such an asshole and a bitch and she never listens to what I say about my grades and tells me that if I keep my grades like this I will be in summer school and wants to be here loyal servent and is the one who emotional abuses me.   

- Ash the Wolf 

- Ash the Wolf