to hell and back

Somehow the tension between them changed to the more sexual one and this wasn’t something she planned. At the same time she wasn’t opposed to the idea and figured that it might help with clearing her mind from the bad thoughts. Especially when it was with him. With him everything seemed to be okay.

“Yes,” she whispered back and kissed his nose.

“But see, I thought the fucking was going to happen after at least one date,” Edmund teased. But still: he helped Kaidan out of belt and BDUs with the ease of much practice, giving the older biotic a soft kiss when he was done. “I have a spare set of sweats if you want. I’m going to get changed if I’m going to be your bed partner instead of doing reports.”

Quietly, the commander stroked Kaidan’s hair. It wasn’t hard to tell Kaidan was miserable. Shepard just…didn’t know how to fix it. He was good at being cheesy, at joking (okay but not necessarily successfully), at terrible puns and even worse pick-up lines. He could show he cared, but the words usually just…didn’t want to come out directly.

Maybe it wasn’t enough. Maybe Kaidan was actually in love with the ideal of Edmund, the man who pulled people together by force mixed in with a dash of diplomacy, who had a powerful personality.

He nudged a pillow under Kaidan’s head and pulled the duvet over him with a soft kiss to the major’s brow, his cheek, his nose. “Get some sleep,” he encouraged gruffly.

Edmund stroked Kaidan’s cheek and bit back a sigh. They were both so damned stubborn. So damned stubborn, and damaged in their own ways. He bit back the argument that he couldn’t approach Kaidan back on the old Normandy, not as Kaidan’s CO. Now, they could just pull Spectre rank if anyone tried to throw the regs at them. And hell: Edmund was CO but Kaidan outranked him. It kind of balanced out now.

They didn’t need more arguments.

“Truce? I’ll take you to my tiny apartment and cook you the best dinner you’ve ever had?”

She let him.

Of course she did. After all that time that was exactly what she wanted. But it that moment the sweetness of the kiss mixed with the whole bitterness and pain, making her feel even more exposed and vulnerable, making her fall apart again.