scarlett

# 6 amor fati

"oh my...is that a freshman?"

"So cute… can’t wait to eat him up."

"hey! stop! can’t you see the poor boy is scared? awwww, is he going to cry?"

Jake hesitantly fixed his hair again, trying not to give attention to the senior girls laughing across from him, or rather laughing at him. His eyes wandered searching for an escape, but wherever he looked, there were only unfamiliar faces and chaos. That one classmate who brought him here was dragged away by a group of seniors as soon as they stepped here and since then he has tried his best to avoid the unnecessary stares and comments. He pulled his hoodie cap further down, trying to shield his face as an uncomfortable feeling settled in his stomach.

Fresh air. He needed fresh air right now.

The pool behind the big ass house felt far more welcoming compared to the suffocating atmosphere inside. There was no one outside, thanks to the mid december chill. He adjusted his jeans and plopped down on the ground, not caring about the dirt. A bunch of texts popped up as soon as he unlocked his phone.

Curious messages from his parents, asking for pictures from the welcoming party and a selca to see what he was wearing. Then he saw messages from Riki, complaining about how much he hated Jake for moving so far away for college, followed by a very expected “Bring me Hot Wheels.” There were also a bunch of pictures of him making silly poses with Layla.

Jake’s eyes burned. He missed home so much. This place, the weather—the people made him feel out of place.

Suddenly he flinched at the sound of footsteps behind him. When he peeked over his shoulder, he discovered someone crouched down, searching the ground for something. Curious, he got up and walked closer.

“Excuse me?” he asked cautiously and person looked up at him.

“I’m sorry!—I dropped my tissue here, and I can’t really find it.”

Your panicked voice only confused Jake further. Why would someone be searching for a tissue outside at this hour, away from the party?

“tissue? but why…?” he asked, eyes scanning over you, trying to spot a stain, maybe spilled juice or something. But you looked completely spotless.

Your panic only intensified as you mumbled, “No, no, you don’t get it—I need the tissue now.”

He scratched his head. “We can go inside, and I can help you find a new one—”

You suddenly clutched both his arms tightly “No, no, you’re not getting it! I need it—na—aa—ACHHOO!”

Clear snot landed on the brand new hoodie his parents had gifted him last Christmas.

Eyes widening in bewilderment “Oh no, no, no… I’m so sorry!” you yelped, quickly backing away only for another sneeze to fight its way out.

“Give me your hoodie, I’ll wash it—ACHHOO—”

Before similar disaster could happen again, Jake immediately pressed his handkerchief against your nose, blocking the impact.

“ACHHOO!” The room filled with whispers of annoyance as you hurriedly adjusted your mask, trying your best to hide your face. Unfortunately these were your classmates and there was no way they couldn't recognise the culprit. “Now miss y/n can you please excuse the class and me from spreading spores at 11 a.m.? I really need to finish this lecture.” Professor Min sounded as insensitive as ever. You tried to choke out a faint apology before lowering your head. What a pathetic state of life.

After enduring a few more insults and causing unintentional disturbances, the class finally ended, releasing a sense of relief wash over you. You walked out, clutching a familiar spongebob themed umbrella in your hand. You needed to return this to Jake, and most importantly, explain everything to him.

So what the deal was off? As promised there were no texts, no calls, nothing from Jake since last night. You should have been out shopping for new clothes, getting a hair spa, maybe even planning a vacation with your girlfriends. Instead, you were stuck in one place, unable to move on from this whole lotta mess situation without talking to him.

So what if he treated you like shit? You had it coming after everything you pulled on him. Bad reputation, my ass. Nothing is real. But your feelings for Jake? Those were very very very much real. And if you had to face them the hard way, then so be it. Taking a deep breath, you entered the campus library, the only place you were sure you would find him. Your confidence wavered the moment when despite of looking around you couldn’t find that starking bolnde bed hair. Jake wasn't there.

But when one door closes, another opens right?You turned and started walking toward the basketball court.

Just like you imagined he wasn’t there either. But you didn’t let that thought discourage you when you noticed his laptop open and his belongings scattered nearby. That meant he was somwhere around here. You carefully stepped over his things and sat down right in front of the laptop screen. He was working on some marine engineering project. Your eyes drifted over the books, then to his handwritten notes. Woah that’s some ugly ahh handwriting—

“I didn’t think you were this shameless to show up even after all this.”

You jolted on your feet, the umbrella slipping from your grip in the process “Evelyn…” Had they made up? Did he tell her about the whole fake relationship? Were they together now—like, actually together? The radar system in your brain was severly damaged.

Evelyn looked you up and down like she was window shopping then scoffed “touching someone else’s stuff like that, what the fuck is your problem?” You stammered, tongue struggling to form a proper sentence. “I—I just want to talk to Jake—”

“Well he doesn’t want anything to do with you. I hope I made that pretty clear.” Evelyn raised a finger and shoved your shoulder lightly. “Now get the fuck out unless you want him to hate you even more.”

No. Never.

You didn’t even realize you were shaking as you turned and rushed out of the court.

There was a lot going on inside Jake’s mind. Why was he so salty about you hugging Heeseung? Just why? He had never thought about you like that. But the flowers? Oh shut it was just because he felt guilty. And when he treated your wound? Anyone who cares about someone would do that, right?

Oh…right.

He did care about you. Well again in his defence that just happens automatically when you’re around a particular person for a long time. Yes that was it. This was just another case of attachment to someone who had caused him trouble after trouble over the past months. He never should have paid so much attention to you in the first place.

Jake stared down at his hands as the water kept running over them, the skin on his fingertips turning slightly wrinkly under the pressure.

“Dude you need help with that.”

He came back to reality at Soobin’s voice who was staring down at the open zipper of his pants.

“Yeah, suck it” Jake growled, quickly zipping them up.

The moment he entered the court he noticed his worn out old spongebob umbrella lying beside his laptop. His heart nearly leaped out of his rib cage and he bolted toward the exit, whipping his head left and right, just in case he can catch the familiar sight of your single braid, or even the cherry colored top you always wore.

“I’m so pathetic… fuck,” you sniffled, rubbing the back of your palm over your eyes again and again, trying to wipe away the tears before they could stain your cheeks. The tofu sandwich you were forcing down your throat, half out of hunger and half out of self pity tasted as shit as your life lately.

“Uhh… Y/n?”

You took a shaky breath and looked up, only to find Sunghoon crouched in front of you, concern written all over his face. He scratched his head unsure of what to say before slowly sitting down beside you. You scooted a little to make space for him. After a long minute of silence he finally spoke “are you....and Jake… fighting?”

You shook your head slowly “we uhhh…he’s mad at me.”

“oh...like mad mad?”

“Yeah.”

Silence fell again as Sunghoon absentmindedly fiddled with your Kuromi keychain. “You know…Jake isn’t really what everyone makes him out to be…”

You stopped chewing and slowly turned to look at him. He stared ahead eyes distant and searching for the right words “sure he can be an asshole sometimes, making promises and not keeping them. But I don’t really blame him. He loves his space.” Sunghoon sighed, letting go of your keychain before turning to face you “But that’s the problem. Everyone else loves Jake’s space too”

“I met him here right in this place when he used to eat lunch all alone. Don’t worry, he looked less pathetic than you,”

“Back then Jake missed home so much that he would force himself into groups that didn’t even want him there. Yeah Jake being a pushover doesn’t really sound real does it?”

You stayed quiet while listening.

“But I guess everything changed when some jerks got jealous because their unloyal girlfriends started finding him cute. And that’s how the whole ‘Jake is a womanizer’ thing started.”

You pulled your knees closer to your chest, trying to piece everything together.

“And Jake never once minded that title. Sure it did some bad thing his image but it also made him popular. People from different departments started approaching him wanting to be friends, and he never said no.”

You nodded slowly unsure of what to say. Your entire life's carefully built rule — stay out of trouble and never get involved with a guy like that — crumbled instantly as you realized you had never really known Jake at all.

So what if you did not know Sim Jake at all? You weren’t going to give up. You were going to relearn him and tell him exactly what you needed to in his language.

“And as I was saying, Ja—”

“Sunghoon,” you cut him off, determination settling in your voice. “I need your help.” Sunghoon stared at you for a moment before breaking into a wide grin “atta girl.”

# 7 gbogh

“They locked you inside the art department, Sadie was the reason for your injured finger, and now you’re telling me Evelyn kicked you out when you went to talk to Jake?!”

Chaerin tried her best to stay composed while listing the damage done to you though it was very clear she was mentally calculating the damage she was about to do to certain girls from the engineering department. You shook your head “Chaerin no… listen it was my fault too—”

Chisa and Jurin immediately grabbed her hands as she hissed, “Either Evelyn is getting killed or I’m staying celibate my whole life.”

“Oh we all know the first one sounds more possible—AHH, FUCK!” Chisa screamed when Chaerin yanked her freshly silk pressed hair.

You clutched both sides of your head still unsure how Sunghoon was supposed to help you. Speaking of which you hesitantly glanced toward their table, the one you had been avoiding looking at because seeing Jake would completely shatter your composure. Still...one look wouldn’t hurt right?

When you took a careful glance you discovered the chair empty where he usually sat. Huh? Was he skipping lunch? Afterwards your eyes met Sunghoon’s. He immediately started making weird gibberish hand signs, signaling you to check your phone. You unlocked the device that had been on silent since morning and saw a bunch of texts from him.

Today after classes you’re going grocery shopping.

??? I don’t need groceries though.

Just do what I’m telling you!! Go to the Family Mart nearest to our college.

You’re weird.

Evelyn is having Jake for lunch btw.

FUCK YOU.

You shot him one last glare before slamming your phone down. Across the room, Sunghoon giggled, catching Jungwon’s attention “?” Sunghoon just shook his head muttering a quiet, “You’ll see.”

“Family Mart… near college… uhhhh….oh!”

You finally spotted the store Sunghoon was talking about. It wasn’t that hard to find as the location was within walking distance from the dorms. The bell chimed as you stepped inside. Since it was a weekday the mart was mildly crowded. Kids ran around with lollipops in their hands, their moms complained about the quality of potatoes, and a group of elderly women bombarded the young cashier with overly personal questions like when they were planning to get married.

Ignoring all of it you made your way to the snack aisle.

Why the hell did Sunghoon send you here? Did you make a mistake asking him for help? I mean he was Jake’s friend at the end of the day…trying to calm your overactive mind, you reached for a familiar packet of potato chips.

At the exact same time one of the kids who had been running around earlier grabbed it too. The two of you stared at each other with visible irritation. You forced a sweet smile “uhhh this is very unhealthy. I don’t think you should be eating this young ma—”

“Shut up, hag.”

WHAT? Aw hell no.

You tightened your grip on the packet, the plastic crinkling under your fingers as you tried your best not to lose it. “Excuse me?? That’s so rude.”

“And you’re too old to fight over chips with a kid.”

Okay, screw this kid and his mo—wait, no. Kids like this get their audacity from their dads. Yes, that’s it. Hope the dad steps on a lego block.

With one final tug you snatched the packet away easily from his comparatively loose grip. He stared at you in disbelief mixed with frustration.

“Aww, are you going to cry? Aww–well that’s what happens when you challenge grown ups you little shi—”

“Here, take this.”

You nearly jumped out of your skin almost knocking the entire aisle over as the exact reason Park Sunghoon had sent you to this mart appeared out of nowhere like some biblically accurate angel. The kid’s face lit up instantly as he took another packet of the same chips from Jake’s hand. He stuck his tongue out at you before running off. And just like that fate had you standing there, face to face with Jake.

Jake completely ignored your shocked expression as he began picking out more snacks, leaving you battling your inner demons.

“Jake, hi!” you exclaimed, crouching down and grabbing the exact same snack he was picking. His ignorance continued as he stood up, dumped everything into his cart, then walked right past you. You trailed behind him like a lost duck struggling to hold the snack packets in your hands since you didn’t even bother to get a cart. “Are you okay? I didn’t see you at lunch today! Did you skip it?” you rambled as he placed his groceries at the counter.

Still no answer.

Jake didn’t even spare you a glance. God, am I that ugly?

“Uhh… what are you having for dinner by the way????”

By now the cashier had started giving you weird looks, which you ignored completely cuz this was way more important. Jake picked up his packed groceries and started walking towards the exit. You quickly dumped the chips on the counter and followed him, ignoring the cashier yelling behind you.

Soon enough you found him sitting on a bench near the mart, his groceries resting beside him. You sat down on the other end silently praying he wouldn’t get up and leave. And he didn’t. Instead, he grabbed a packet of chips and tore it open, crinkling plastic being the only sound cutting through the awkward silence. You fiddled with the hem of your top, unsure how to end this painfully one sided conversation.

“Jake…I’m sorry.”

The words finally left your mouth after a long moment. No response as usual came from the other side. But you didn’t stop.

“I wasn’t really thinking before I spoke that day. I was just frustrated… and–and you’re right, it is my fault. Since day one, it’s always been my fault…”

You did prepare a whole apology in your head, but right now with him sitting beside you, only his grocery bag giving you the mercy of not letting him see your ashamed, embarrassed face — it all felt too personal.

“I guess I felt a little entitled when you asked me to be your fake girlfriend because you’re right. No one’s ever really chosen me for anything. My first boyfriend well he kind of dated me because of peer pressure. Of course never said it out loud but sometimes...you just know”

Your voice faltered a bit “But with you… even though it was fake and even though there was nothing between us...I felt chosen. I know that sounds pathetic, and I—I know I shouldn’t even be approaching you after what I did—” You felt trickle of warm tears on your cheeks again “but I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Jake, I—”

Something dropped onto your lap.

You blinked, picking it up. Your blurry gaze slowly became clear. A small bracelet. The ones that came free with a certain brand of potato chips for kids. You had them plenty in your childhood. You turned to Jake and found him casually finishing off the crumbs from the same packet, completely unfazed.

Then he stood up, wiping his hands on his jeans then glanced at you over his shoulder.

“Apology not accepted. Do something better.”

Jake waited no second before casually walking out of the area, an all too familiar smile lingering on his face, completely unnoticed by you.

For a moment you just sat there pissed, annoyed and frustrated as hell and definitely ready to strangle him if you ran fast enough, yet a small laugh escaped your lips “ahhh… he’s such an asshole,” you murmured softly, slipping the bracelet around your wrist.

The idea of chasing a guy was far from the rules of ideal relationship advice 101 you and Chaerin wrote in the back of your history notebook at the age of eleven. Yes it was practically blasphemous, but at this stage of having a hopeless crush on ahem Jake Sim felt far more damaging to your health and mental peace.

Sunghoon groaned as you proudly held up a cute oat milk packet, a small ribbon tied around it along with a chibi version of a grumpy Jake that you had drawn yourself. “Cute, right?”

Sunghoon facepalmed. “Jake is allergic to oat milk.”

Your smile dropped instantly “what? I thought every athlete drinks that???”

Erm apparently everyone did, except Jake. You pouted at your hard work before sadly placing it on top of a vending machine. May some poor soul who craves oatmilk finds it.

“Circles by Post Malone…” you scanned through the large collection of Post Malone albums at a CD store that you found in google maps after hours of searching. You noticed jake often quietly mumbling lyrics under his breath clearly he was a front row level fan.

“You’re coming home with me,” you smiled, finally spotting the album you wanted.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this, God…” Chaerin muttered as she handed you a heart shaped paper cutouts. You carefully pasted them one by one onto the khaki wrapping paper you were using for the album trying to make it look more presentable. “Chae, my baby, the love of my life, I hope you get dicked down by Jay again.” Chaerin shot you a deadpan look which immediately shut you up and forced you to focus on your work again.

“Why are you so late—and what the fuck is that??! Jake isn’t into big-ass books by the way!” Sunghoon whisper yelled the moment you rushed inside the library, already half an hour late from the original meeting time. You panted scooting closer to him “that’s not a book” sunghoon rolled his eyes and pointed toward a section “I just saw him go in there.” You took a deep breath and started walking slowly toward your destiny. But your steps halted the moment you heard a familiar laugh.

No way.

You carefully peeked as your heart dropped. Jake and Evelyn were sitting on the library floor. She was pointing at something in his hands as he tried to shield it. They were sitting way too close for your liking and you couldn’t even see Jake’s face clearly, but the way Evelyn leaned into him, her hands wrapped around his arm....

Your grip on the album tightened, nails pressing through the paper wrapping.

Jake must’ve heard the crinkling sound. But when he looked up, you were already gone.

Sunghoon flinched the moment you threw the album at him. It made a loud noise, sliding towards him in a careless manner “you forgot to mention he’s having a good time with her.”

“Her? Who—?! Eve… Evelyn???” he mouthed, as you felt your throat tighten. Sunghoon picked up the album, name slightly visible beneath the torn wrapping. He sighed “Y/n… Jake already has this album. It’s literally displayed on his study table…”

Oh. Another disappointment. You scoffed at your useless tries. You really couldn’t do anything right, could you?

“right...well i have a class now. I should go,” you muttered, already turning your back to him.“The fuck am I supposed to do with this?” Sunghoon called out. You raised your hand without turning back.

“Just throw it out.”

Plan failed.

Chaerin let out a long disappointed sigh as she stared at your message. Poor girl she is never catching a break. She was just about to turn off her phone when another notification popped up from way too familiar name. Her throat went dry as “Jay 🩷” appeared at the top of her chat list after months. With shaky fingers she opened it.

I’m sorry for reaching out like this

but I really need your help right now.

Can you come over?

She chewed on her bottom lip and glanced at the time. 5 p.m. It’s not like this was her first time visiting his room but the last time she went there they ended up—FUCK NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. Chaerin shook her head, trying to push away the memories of what had happened after she ended up there. “It’s okay… sometimes history doesn’t repeat itself…” she whispered to herself typing a small ‘ok’ before hitting send.

Jay paced frantically around his room. Fuck. He actually did it. After five nights of contemplating, overthinking and torturing himself with worst possible outcomes he had finally texted Chaerin. “Okay, calm down… she’s just coming to help. Nothing else should happen.” The words of consolation felt too weak already. At some point the doorbell rang, making him jump. He unconsciously fixed his hair before walking to the door.

“Hi…”

Chaerin stood there her hair slightly messy but still neatly styled, usual brown leopard print glasses resting on her nose. Jay took a breath and stepped aside silently inviting her in. Chaerin’s eyes immediately landed on the mess on his bed,

hair color packets, brushes, and various hair care products scattered everywhere.

Resting his hands on his hips Jay rehearsed what he had practiced minutes before her arrival “I’m meeting my family this weekend… and they’ll kill me if I don’t dye my hair back to a normal colour.” He gestured toward his platinum undercut. She paused for a second. God….she loved that haircut on him—

“Listen, you don’t have to do this if you feel uncomfortable. Actually, I—I texted you impulsively. I just remembered you once saying you did a hairstyling project in eighth grade, and how your dad wanted you to take over the salon, and how your brother sold your favorite shampoo to buy a limited edition of death note set…”

Jay exhaled deeply after rambling, leaving Chaerin completely stunned. When had she told him all that? Sure they were close once, but she didn’t remember ever sharing that much.“No, I’m completely okay!” she replied quickly offering him a small smile. “so what color are we doing?”

The bathroom soon filled with giggles and soft splashes of water as Chaerin deliberately poked behind Jay’s ear with the brush.“ow—that tickles!” he laughed, trying to cover his ears while she threw her head back, laughing freely. They waited for the color to set before washing it out. As much as Chaerin had expected this meeting to be awkward, surprisingly it wasn’t. They fell into their places and It just felt like two old friends catching up after a long time.

While washing her gaze lingered on Jay’s face, his crescent shaped eyes when he smiled, the faint dimples forming at the corners of his lips. Ex Friends. Yeah maybe That’s what they were and she had promised herself not to cross that line again.

Chaerin focused on the hand shower letting the warm water rinse away the new brown dye. Her fingers gently worked through his hair, messaging his scalp. Jay relaxed against the bathtub.

“hey Jay…”

“hmm?”

“When did I tell you about my eighth grade hairstyling gig?”

He let out a soft laugh, turning his head slightly. “For someone majoring in engineering with math as your main subject, you sure have a bad memory…” then he turned toward her fully, splashing a bit of water in her direction. She yelped, backing away.

“At that party silly” he continued, smiling unconsciously as he walked down the memory lane “when we both got drunk, you told me about your dream of becoming hairstylist for jungkook and kept playing with my hair saying it looked like some ugly kombucha orange color. I was so confused—like, what the fuck does that even mean?”

Chaerin laughed along with him as the memory slowly resurfaced. She crouched down closer to his level. Jay looked almost boyish now excited as he elaborated “and then you said you wanted to fix my hair. You basically forced me to show you my entire hair color collection—and let’s not forget, you called every single one of them ugly.”

She covered her face, laughing.

“And then,” he continued, softer now, “you grabbed my hair and said platinum would look so much better and then…”

He paused suddenly.

“Then?” chaerin prompted, smiling faintly.

But Jay couldn’t continue. His words got stuck somewhere between his throat and his heartbeat which was suddenly too loud in his ears. The bathroom felt too close only two breathes synching together. Chaerin notices the flush slowly growing from his neck to his cheeks and eventually his ears. She frowned slightly “and then? What happened after that Jay?”

Jay looked into her eyes, pretty lashes behind the thick glasses. Suddenly he reached forward, grabbed her arms and pulled her into the tub. She barely had time to gasp.

“Then you grabbed my hair like this…” he murmured, his fingers gently tugging at her already half undone ponytail. Chaerin's breath hitched.

“And then… you painted my hair platinum silver” His voice dropped to a whisper, before she could process anything he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers.

You stared hard at the application form in front of you.

“A field trip? And that too architecture and engineering departments collaborating?????? This feels like a planned murder,” Chisa huffed as she finished filling in her details. “Oh, come on! This is such a sweet moment for Y/n to finally show pda with her boyfriend,” Jurin teased, winking at your direction. You let out a whin “ohhhh shut ittttt, he's not even my boyfriend…”

“I’m manifesting for you baby.” jurin blew a kiss.

“I think I’m gonna dump Evelyn’s body here,” Chaerin said casually, pointing at the river on the campsite map attached to the form making both Chisa and Jurin burst out laughing. Your eyes drifted across the room landing on Jake who was busy discussing something with Jay, most probably about the upcoming match with Sunshine City College.

“I’m more worried about insects and mosquitoes, though…” Chisa made a disgusted face then pointed at Chaerin’s neck “speaking of which—the fuck kind of evolutionary insect bruised you up this bad?”

“girl that’s not an insect, that’s Jay.”

The three of you froze mid action, slowly turning to stare at Chaerin. Her cheeks flushed bright red as she cleared her throat and took a bite of her hotdog.

“I told y’all,” Chisa threw her hands up dramatically “this bitch cannot survive celibacy!”

“Jake’s birthday is two weeks away.”

You gaped at Sunghoon then repeated his words in your head. Jake’s birthday. JAKE’S BIRTHDAY. Your eyes widened with a sudden spark of hope as you sat up straight. Right now you and Sunghoon were sitting in a random café, because of course discussing your goal in Jake's proximity would completely ruin the plan.

“All of us—I mean, you know the boys, we’re planning to surprise him. And we need someone who can make proper home cooked meals. Usually Jay does the cooking but he messes up at least one dish,” Sunghoon said, finishing his coffee before crossing his arms. “But the problem is, you’ll have to stay undercover the whole day—or even the whole week. We cannot let him know you’re involved. That’s what will make it the biggest surprise.”

You nodded eagerly quickly pulling out your phone to note down important points about the plan.

The two of you spent rest of the afternoon discussing details, completely unaware of a certain figure capturing pictures from afar.

Operation Jake’s Birthday was officially in motion. With the help of Jungwon and Sunoo you gathered information about his favorite foods. Yes, Professor Min still embarrassed you in front of the entire class for falling asleep mid lecture, but what else were you supposed to do? Staying up all night to design his birthday banner and plan decorations took time.

You did your best to not make Jake uncomfortable with your hopeless stares as much as you could. I mean I don't think he's that eager to see me anyways. You concluded your own theory often catching him ignoring you even if both of you were standing at an approachable distance from each other. That shit hurt so bad. But hey pain is a part of growth after all. You cannot just expect Jake to magically fall for you after the level of weird stuffs you pulled at him.

“I feel like a criminal for ditching you,” Chaerin muttered as she finished touching up her makeup. You smiled softly and shook your head “It’s okay, Chae. You’ve done enough….go enjoy your date tonight.” She squeezed your hand tightly before pulling you into a light hug.

“Text me if something goes wrong, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Balloons… wrappers… paper cups and plates… what else…” you muttered while scanning the small shop. You were out buying decorations since Jake’s birthday was just a few days away now. You hadn’t seen him since last wednesday after jungwon told you he basically locked himself up in his room to finish the final parts of his assignment — and while it helped you stay focused, you missed him more than you wanted to ever admit.

Everything on your list was checked. You waited while the cashier prepared your bill, eyes wandering around the shop…then you looked outside, through the see of people at the crossing, high school students returning home together in a flock, the troubled traffic guard, street food shops just setting up their cart taking in glow of last sunrays of the day, and finally stopped at the store across the road.

It looked like some usual high end clothing store. But the red shirt displayed under warm yellow lighting caught your attention instantly. After paying you crossed the street, failing to contain your curiosity.

It looked even better up close. The small logo on the left side practically screamed expensive. You glanced at the price tag naturally and shrieked. 169 bomboclat dollars.

Soon you sank in disappointment. If only it were a little cheaper…maybe…Your heart ached at the thought of Jake wearing it. Why is capitalism even a thing?

“Found you again.”

You jumped as a hand landed on your shoulder. Heeseung! He scanned you up and down, lips curling into a small smile when he noticed the decorations peeking out of your bag. “Shopping for a friend?”

You shook your head “for Jake.” His smile faltered for a split second before he followed your gaze toward the shirt “out of your budget?”

“I mean wayyyy out of my budget.”

Before you could react he grabbed your hand and started dragging you inside ignoring your little protests “Heeseung what the fuck?! Are you crazy—wait!”

Within minutes both of you were standing at the counter. Shirt neatly packed in a gift box, with a note that read: From Y/n. You tried your best to snatch heeseung's card away, but he shot you a look that made you step back immediately, a pout forming on your lips. Heeseung stared at you for a moment then sighed, patting your head. “Fine. Pay whatever you can—I’ll cover the rest.”

The two of you walked out laughing about how annoyed the store staffs looked while you were arguing over the bill.

“Do you think Jake will be mad if he finds out?” Heeseung asked pointing at the note that now read From 'Y/N and Heeseung'. You clicked your tongue “let him stay mad. I know he’ll wear it. You have no idea what a softie he actually is....bro literally buys chips that has little gifts inside” you laughed raising your wrist to show him the familiar beaded bracelet.

Heeseung smiled warmly his gaze lingering from your wrist to your face. “Yeah…it’s pretty.”

You went quiet for a moment before speaking again. “Thank you Heeseung….I mean I just don’t know how you always show up when I need help the most!— It’s almost like you’re my guardian angel....what you’re laughing?! I’m not joking!” He covered his mouth trying not to attract too much attention, then flicked your forehead “see when your head is empty you say nonsense like this.”

“asshole get away from me!”

# 8 mixed up

“The field trip is a crucial part of your syllabus as well as this semester …” the dean's voice echoed through the big hall filled with restless engineering and architecture students.

Jake yawned, words blurring into noise. He hadn’t been getting proper sleep lately. Assignment had drained him and even after submitting everything he felt uneasy for some reason. Probably the all nighters finally catching up to him. And to make it worse the guys kept gathering in the living room at midnight, whispering about something—and kicking him out whenever he tried to join.

It felt like everyone has taken a challenge of ragebaiting him and he indeed was raging inside.

“Jake Sim, 4th semester, ID number 100902, engineering department.”

His fatigue disappeared soon, attention snapping back into attention as the dean announced his government name from the dais with a very serious look. What's happening? Whispers filled the hall as others started looking at jake while whispering.

“please meet me in my office after your classes.”

“Sunoo no wait!” you yelled as he nearly poured the wrong batter into the bowl. He gave you a sheepish smile and corrected himself immediately. Behind you a whirlwind of chaos unfolded as Sunghoon and Jay kept bickering about the banner placement. Not far away from them Chaerin helped Jungwon to blow up the balloons and lastly Chisa and Jurin tried their best to help you in the kitchen.

The cake was ready and you were icing it carefully. Your mind raced with unfamiliar emotions. God, i hope he likes it.

You kept double checking everything, asking Sunghoon about other potential allergies, preferences, anything. It was extremely exhausting but warm. Everyone had skipped their classes to help you. You wanted to invite Heeseung too but he had a boxing match today. Soon your eyes flicked to the clock. 5:30 p.m. only half an hour more till Jake comes back. You couldn’t wait to see his reaction.

“I’m sorry…what?” Jake’s voice came out hollow as his trembling fingers scrolled through a particular segment of the project he submitted three days ago. It stared right back at him through the dean’s laptop screen. Something was horribly wrong.

“Jake,” the dean sighed, folding his arms “you are one of our very talented students and no doubt your academic performance has been excellent since the first semester. But this is unacceptable.”

Jake couldn’t speak. The information on the screen wasn’t what he remembered writing.

“Even a high school student could tell the amount of ai usage here,” the dean continued. “You’re aware of Decelis rules right? Unsupervised ai usage for assignments and exams is strictly prohibited. I don’t know why you’d risk something like this, especially for such an important project.”

It felt like needles were piercing his skin. This couldn’t be real. He hadn’t used ai at all, not even once. Everything had been his own research from authentic books and verfied sites which he checked numerous times before putting the statistics in.

“We are unfortunately bounded by rules and have to deduct a portion of your credits, I hope you think twice before committing such atrocities like this again. You’re dismissed.”

His head felt too light when he came out of the office. The hallways was suffocating, as expected everyone was staring at his pale face and shaky hands. No stop. Dont look at me. Please go away. He clenched his teeth but before he could proceed any further, a hand grabbed his, pulling him in a nearby empty classroom.

“Jake, I know this isn’t the right time but…I know who messed with your project.” Evelyn's voice felt like some kind of distant noise.

A very weird feeling settled in the pit of his stomach as he gathered energy to respond back “what?”

“It’s Y/n.” Evelyn stated firmly. The confidence in her voice knocked the remaining air out of his lungs.

“I saw her messing with your stuffs weeks ago when you were doing your assignment in the basketball court.”

His body stiffened realising exact which day Evelyn was talking about. The spongebob umbrella laying beside his laptop. He remembered everything all too well .“I don’t know if you’ll believe me,” Evelyn continued, her voice dripping with venom, “but she’s evil jake...she's not done ruining your life. I think we both know she’s been behind everything weird that has happened to you this semester.”

The room felt too cold to his liking as Jake tried his best to stand still. The sheer thought of you messing up with his assignments just wasn't making any sense. But whatever information Evelyn provided, pointed at no one but you being the reason for this damage.

“I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but look!” she shoved her phone in front of him “she is now going for two men at once after she is done with you! And not surprised one of them is your friend!” Blurry but clear enough to see there were pictures taken from a distance of you and Sunghoon laughing together. Jake hurriedly snatched the phone from her hands and swiped — the next one was outside a newly opened Ralph and lauren store. You and Heeseung holding hands as he was pulling you inside the store.

“See?” Evelyn muttered. “Going after two guys at once of course with a privileged background. Not surprising at all! typical small town behavior.” Jake couldn't hear the rest. None of Evelyn’s words reached him and his cloudy state of mind. His fingers tightened around the phone.

“Did he forget his way…or what…” Chisa yawned followed by Jurin. Both of them were slumped on the couch. Sunoo had fallen asleep, head resting on Sunghoon’s shoulder as the older guy called Jake for the fifth time — each one going straight to voicemail. Jay and Chaerin exchanged worried looks, and you felt your stomach twisting uncomfortably. It was almost 9 p.m but Jake still wasn’t here. Did he somehow find out you were here…? Is that why he wasn’t coming?

The sound of the apartment door unlocking caught everyone’s attention. Jurin shoved Chisa awake before she could fully pass out and Sunghoon quickly helped you light the candles while a half asleep Sunoo carefully flipped off the switches.

The room was instantly filled with a warm yellow glow from fairy lights and flickering candles. You held the cake, waiting and after what it felt like waiting for an eternity, Jake finally stepped in.

Right then Jay and Jungwon popped the party crackers, colorful confetti bursting into the air with a loud snap.

“Happy birthday Jakeeeee!” everyone shouted in unison, waiting for his reaction.

But nothing came.

“Turn the lights on.”

You turned to Sunghoon, who looked just as confused beside you. Why did Jake sound like that? He hesitated and stepped forward “bro look uppp! See who’s here—”

“Don’t make me repeat myself, Hoon.”

Sensing things were escalating Jungwon immediately turned the lights on. Your throat went dry when you saw Jake’s face. He looked empty and dreaded. Did something happen?

“Where were you on 6th September?”

You flinched. Nearly two months into being a professional troublemaker in jake's life but his voice had never sounded so distant. So cold.

“Jake, what’s going on—” Jay stepped forward but Jake cut him off.

“Y/n I’m asking you. Where the hell were you on 6th September?!”

You flinched at his sudden yell. After quickly doing a mental math, you gathered the courage to answer “I—I attended Professor Min’s class, and then I…” you trailed off. Right, then you were searching for him to return his umbrella.

“I… went to the basketball court to return your umbrella, but you weren’t there, so I—”

Jake let out a sharp, mocking laugh. “So you edited out a whole paragraph of my assignment and replaced it with some ai bullshit!”

Huh?

“What the fuck are you talking about?” you heard Chaerin’s footsteps approaching as stepped closer. Jake pinched the bridge of his nose. “Let me be honest with you Y/n....I don’t know why you came into my life, but I do know you’ve brought nothing but problems and misery.”

What's happening?

Sunghoon quickly took the cake from your hands realising you were shaking and set it aside. “Jake, you really need to start giving context before I beat the shit out of you,” he snapped, clearly irritated. The ground beneath your feet felt like it was moving slowly. What was he even talking about? Replacing his assignment with ai?

“Oh yeah?” Jake scoffed “Now you want to beat me for her? Why though? Because secretly both of you are fucking?” he spit out and instantly Sunghoon’s fist collided with his face. “Sunghoon no!” you screamed grabbing him as Jake lunged forward to hit back only to be held back by Jay. Everything in your head blurred together as you dragged Sunghoon afar. Sunoo and Jungwon tried to calm him down as he breathed heavily.

You ignored Chisa who tried to stop you with a worried expression before walking back toward Jake.

You inhaled deeply, bracing yourself for whatever impact was coming.

“Jake let’s talk outside.”

“I don’t think you’re in any position to command me y/n” he stayed stubborn. Fine. You let out the breath you had been holding for so long. “I did not edit your assignment. And before you point fingers at me, remember Evelyn was there the whole time. Even before I entered the court.”

He raised his eyebrows, face morphing into something purely influenced by ignorance “yeah that's your defence mechanism??? Putting the blame on Evelyn isn't going to solve the issue you created from your own fucked up feelings against me—”

Fucked up feelings? Against him? putting blame on Evelyn?

“SO WHAT?!” you screamed finally at your breaking point. “You want to act all righteous and mighty even though you never once saw me editing your assignment with your own eyes?!”

Jake felt a pang in his chest, as every single person in that room witnessed everything you had been holding back spill out.

“If you don’t want to believe me, then don’t! But goddammit Jake you—you are so cruel....both you and evelyn can go to hell for all I care! And fine—I’ll never show my face again! I hope you don’t either you ungrateful shit! I hope I fall and die in a ditch before expressing my feelings for you!” With trembling hands you tore the bracelet off your wrist, elastic band snapping in the hurried process and you threw it at him, beads scattered instantly across the floor. You could not afford to waste any seconds after that and stormed out of room number 15 of the boys’ dormitory with Chaerin, Chisa, and Jurin rushing after you.

Jake stood there, a pit of silence and emptiness feeling his senses. His eyes fell on the broken bracelet near his feet then slowly he looked around. The entire apartment was decorated exactly how he had always wanted birthdays to look as a child. As for his parents fancy dinners had always mattered more than something like this.

He then looked at Jungwon and Sunoo who seemed just as shaken. “Happy birthday,” Jungwon muttered quietly before slipping out with a clearly displeased Sunoo. Now it was just him, Jay and Sunghoon who looked like he was gonna jump him anytime if he turns around. Jay waited for him to speak but when he said nothing, he stepped closer and placed a hand on his shoulder

“Stop favoring your heart and start using your brain before it's too late”

“I hate him, I hate him, I hate him so much oughhhh I feel like mixing rat poison in his food!” you cried out, voice muffled by the pillow pressed tightly against your face. Chaerin tried calming you down in every possible way, but she knew it was useless. After fifteen minutes of yelling and cursing Jake, you finally lifted the pillow and threw it across the room. “Chae…”

She crawled closer at the sound of your hoarse voice. “Mm-hmm?”

You swallowed, lowering your gaze as your fingers absentmindedly scratched at the bedsheets. “W-what is the punishment for using ai in assignments…? will—will they fail him?”

Oh, you poor girl. Chaerin shook her head gently as she tried to tie your messy hair into a bun. “If it were a regular student, maybe. But since it’s the department topper…..I don’t think so.”

You didn’t know what kind of comfort that brought to your already bruised heart, but you clutched her sleeve anyway.

“…Am I a disappointment to feminism?”

Chaerin cupped your jaw, forcing you to look at her. “No, you’re not, Y/n. You can dislike and like a person at the same time. And NO one in this world has the right to shame you for that” You immediately scooted away from her. “I don’t like him.”

“Not even a bit?”

“No. Not at all.”

She laughed softly and lay down, her head resting on your lap. “Then why did you cook his favorite food? go out of your comfort zone to plan his birthday? and write him—”

“That’s just because… I… because I, uh…”

you started, ready to argue, but no matter how hard you searched for an answer, your mind came up blank. Chaerin propped herself up on her elbow, looking at you knowingly. “See?”

“Not my fault! I want to know too why I’m doing all this even though I hate him… so much…” The anger in your voice slowly faded by the end of your sentence. Chaerin took your hand then placed it over your heart.

“You’re looking for answers in the wrong place, baby.”

Wrong place huh?

Your heartbeat against your palm felt fast, tired from running, worn out from being wrongly accused. So much for liking a dumbass. Jake didn’t trust you. In fact, he never even tried to open the door of his heart to let you in. You were doing everything alone like a complete clown trying to impress someone who didn’t even want to be impressed. There had been so many signs. So many chances to give up. To realize that maybe you just didn’t belong in a world where Jake would ever look at you the way you looked at him. You couldn’t even remember the last time he had truly looked at you.

All you remembered now was that cold, distant expression, pushing you away every darn time you tried to get closer. It was about damn time mission relearning Jake should be aborted.

# 9 intentions

The apartment felt too empty after Sunghoon and Jay finished cleaning everything up. Jake had locked himself in his room after taking a shower. The only sounds he could hear were the faint clatter of utensils from outside, probably Jay putting food away and the ticking of the analog wall clock on his wall. A few minutes ago he had received a text from his computer science major friend felix

I’m trying to glaze our sports instructor for the CCTV footage.

But he’s acting like a total bitch.

Don’t worry bro. I’ll avenge your credit points.

And he knew felix had enough influence to actually get the footage — legally or not.

See? That part wasn’t hard. What was hard was taking back everything he had said just a few hours ago. His grip tightened around the small note he had found inside the gift box alongside the bright red Ralph Lauren shirt now resting on his study table. He had already read it five times. Slowly he lifted it up to eye level again.

His eyes burned as the pressure finally gave way. Fresh, warm tears spilled out almost in no time. God, he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve your attention, your effort, your time. He didn’t deserve Sunghoon, the first person he had truly grown close to after joining this shit ass college. He didn’t deserve Jay, who always showed up whenever he was in trouble. He didn’t even deserve Riki, who had texted him happy birthday with a video of him and Layla wearing birthday caps and yet Jake still hadn’t found the time to reply.

Soft knocks interrupted his sniffles as he slowly sat up.

“Open up.” Sunghoon’s rough voice came from outside. Without saying anything Jake dragged himself to the door and opened it. Sunghoon stood there, eyes just as red rimmed. He probably cried in his room but he would never admit it to jake by the way.

Without a word, Sunghoon pushed past and walked in, then plopped down on the bed. He patted the empty space beside him. Jake followed and sat quietly.

“I’m not paying for your rhinoplasty by the way” Sunghoon muttered after a long silence resulting in Jake letting out a weak snicker “your weak-ass punch did nothing chill.” Sunghoon kicked him lightly in the shin “don’t rile me up fucker.”

Jake sighed while rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry.”

Sunghoon raised an eyebrow “you’re apologizing to the wrong person.”

Jake swallowed, staring straight ahead. Yeah. He knew that. But he wasn’t sure if the person he should apologize to would even want to see him anymore.

“…Mhm. Pass the apology to her, then.”

Sunghoon shot up, startling him and grabbed his shoulder “Jake, my guy—get your shit straight.”

“I am straight.”

“Your brain starts lagging every time you see Y/n.”

Jake pulled himself out of Sunghoon’s grip and groaned “No it doesn’t! It’s just—there’s never been any normal start between us at all!—”

“And??” Sunghoon cut him off sharply “that girl did so much just to give you a normal start. Do you have any idea?!”

Jake fell silent. The words hit like a punch to the gut “…yeah. And I hate myself for it.”

“As you should, asshole.” Sunghoon glared at him, but his expression softened when he noticed that familiar kicked out look on Jake’s face, the same one he had seen three years ago when Jake used to sit alone on the bleachers during lunch. “What are you thinking Jake?” he asked quietly.

Jake avoided his gaze. “I… don’t know hoon....I don’t know what I’m thinking....what I'm feeling…”

Sunghoon crouched down in front of him “Oh, really? You don’t?” then without warning, he reached under Jake’s bed and pulled out something. A Post Malone album. Similar to the one displayed nicely on his desk, but this one was wrapped in khaki paper, decorated with small paper hearts.

“…Then what the fuck is this doing here? Cuz last time I took it here I remember keeping it in the waste storage boxes to throw it out later!”

Jake couldn’t answer. Sunghoon stood up again then walked to his study table. He yanked open the drawer and pulled out a small piece of paper — a chibi doodle of a grumpy Jake. The fading sticky glue was still noticeable behind it, clear it had been nicely ripped from something. Or better from a certain oatmilk package. "Oh we sure are gonna ignore this one right?"

Then he strode back, grabbed Jake’s wrist, and pulled up his sleeve. A beaded bracelet, very much identical to the one you had torn and thrown earlier was there around his wrist. “And this too?? Did Y/n know these bracelets came in pairs?”

Sunghoon exhaled sharply before continuing, “Why did you even get mad at the idea that I might be hooking up with her? Or fine—let’s be respectful—what if I was hitting on Y/n?”

Jake pressed his lips together ignoring the feeling he was trying to suppress gnaw at his heart. “I don’t really care.”

Sunghoon let out a dry chuckle “Oh really? You don’t?”

“No. I don’t.”

Silence settled between them again as Jake slowly pulled his hand back from his friend's grip. Sunghoon stood still for a moment before speaking again, quieter this time.

“I think we both know what that means, Jake.” Jake said nothing. His fingers brushed over the bracelet on his wrist as he realized how brutally Sunghoon had stripped his feelings bare.

You adjusted your airpods unconsciously, realizing the amount students were staring at you, turning their heads, whispering, and giggling to their friends weren’t just a coincidence. You looked down at your clothes, checking if you had worn it inside out or if your jeans were unzipped. But everything was perfectly fine. After taking your usual seat in the classroom, you noticed even more eyes on you, making it unbearable. Within a minute, you felt a tap on your shoulder.

You removed one airpod and turned around —only to find Heeseung looking at you with a worried expression. You forced a small smile amd he shifted beside you subtly shielding you from the stares.

“You okay?”

“mm hmm… don’t worry,” you sighed and flipped a random notebook to distract yourself. Heeseung took the bundle pages from your hand while shutting it “you want me to beat those people up?”

You let out a frustrated huff “I mean–I don’t even know why they’re staring at me like that…”

Heeseung frowned for a moment “yeah, ignore those dumbasses—”

“Hi, Y/n!”

Both of you flinched as a group of girls from your class suddenly appeared in front of you “uh… hi?”

“Did you really do it??” one of them asked, making you even more confused.

“…Do what?”

They started giggling among themselves. Beside you, Heeseung tensed. He grabbed your hand trying get your attention “Y/n let’s skip this class—”

“You know…hommie hopping between Sunghoon and Jake!”

“And here I thought Jake was the biggest slut”

They burst out laughing.

Your blood ran cold and you turned to Heeseung with a horrified expression. He only shook his head and mouthed 'Let’s get OUT.'

You know what they say about bad reputations. They always catch up. And when they do, they strip your sense of 'self' away, your peace along with whatever little strength you have left.

You stared blankly at the college forum. A picture of you and Sunghoon was posted with a bold caption: “New slut on campus.”

You didn’t know what to think or what to say anymore. Everything inside you was building up, pressure rising with every passing second, threatening to explode into something ugly. “The fuck are you looking at?” Chisa snapped at a group of juniors staring at your table. You clutched your head which was already starting to hurt despite of skipping all lectures since morning.

“She needs her campus pr privileges revoked. This is literally quiet literally a violation of privacy,” Chaerin snarled, pointing at the small ‘by Sadie’ under the post.

“Look who shamelessly showed up…”

Your skin prickled as Sadie and Yunjin approached your table, wearing priceless expressions and victory of their final blow.

“Yeah Sadie, learned that shit from you. True inspiration,” Jurin shot back instantly, wiping the smirk off Sadie’s face.

“Watch your tone, or the three of you will wake up to the same kind of judgment tomorrow.” She hissed to which Chaerin stood up abruptly, her chair crashing to the floor due to the impact and nearby students fell silent. “uh huh? Is that it???” she mocked and before Yunjin could come up with another attack in Sadie's defense, Chaerin grabbed the container of spaghetti Chisa had been slurping from just minutes ago— then threw it straight at Sadie.

The whole cafeteria instantly broke out with gasps and whispers. You tried to pull Chaerin back, terrified as Sadie who was now shaking, gooey red spaghetti sauce dripping down her perfectly styled pink blow dried hair, shot the most sinister look at your table. Yunjin lunged at Chaerin to avenge her, but before her hands could even touch the targeted girl, Chisa grabbed a chunk of yunjin's hair and yanked her back “hoe really thinks her authority works here....it’s a democracy bitch!”

Chaos broke out instantly. Some students screamed, others started chanting 'fight fight!', while the rest pulled out their phones to record. You felt your head spinning when you spotted professors and staff rushing in. It’s a mess. It’s a whole fucking mess—From the corner of your eyes you saw Sadie charging straight at you with her claws out, looking no less terrifying than the red demon from insidious.

Suddenly warmth wrapped around your wrist. “What the fu—”

Sadie’s mortified face, Chisa dragging Yunjin, the upside down cafeteria including screams of students mixed with professors yelling —Everything blurred within seconds as the hand dragged you far far away. No direction or whatsoever, you were just running. Your heart hammered less from the run, but from the strands of blonde hair peeking out from under his hoodie.

Soon you found yourself inside a cramped space between lockers. Pants and gasps filled the small area as you leaned against the cold metal for support. Jake’s hand was still interlaced with yours which you slowly pulled away after realisation. Outside, the dean’s voice echoed faintly “Suspend everyone who was in the cafeteria!”

For seven long minutes neither of you spoke, just trying to catch your breath and avoiding each other’s gaze. But eventually you had no choice. As you looked up, Jake’s sunken eyes met yours. He swallowed hard to hydrate his dry throat “you… okay?”

You nodded not even having the energy to speak. Silence fell again and you suddenly became aware of how close you were — his uneven breaths brushed against your ear and the height difference made your face was nearly level with his chest, the thin silver chain he always wore dangling in front of you. “I should go,” you whispered, your voice smaller than ever. You tried to move but his hand grabbed your wrist again.

“Y/n I—that day, I was—”

“It’s okay Jake,” you replied shortly, shutting him up.

He stared at you for a moment then shook his head “it’s not okay.”

You clenched your jaws. Of course as always he was right. It was infact not okay at ALL. Nothing like this should have ever escalated but guess what? Your staurn being weak was finally catching up to you.

“Jake… let’s just forget anything ever happened,” you whispered, ignoring the lump in your throat. He stiffened for a moment then scoffed “you said you wanted to start fresh with me so how can we just forget—?” You looked up at him through your wet lashes, “yeah… because YOU said you wished we met differently!”

Jake shook his head “but this is not how I—”

“Then what the fuck do you want?!” you yelled, hitting his chest. He flinched even though your noticeably small palm made little to no impact then grabbed your wrist “chill—why do you have to be so violent all the time?”

“CHILL?!” you screamed again and he immediately covered your mouth, glancing outside to check if anyone heard. Tears welled up in your eyes as his hand slowly dropped.

“Jake how—how can I be calm after everything?” your voice trembled. “Think practically for once. From the beginning it was just me. It was always me chasing you, bothering you, approaching you with half baked assumptions… and yeah, maybe I should’ve seen this coming…”

You inhaled deeply, feeling your lungs running out of air “but I tried….I—I tried to mend our relatio—I mean fix whatever 'ship' was between us...and this is what I get for not giving up”

You hit his chest again, softer this time “Jake I’m tired…” You looked up searching his face to see if he had anything to say. But nothing came out. Was his heart made of stone? Did he feel nothing at all?

He slowly stepped back, your wrist slipping from his grasp and your back hit the lockers again.

“I’m sorry… I just—I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have accused you without proof…” he whispered.

Proof.

And he still needed physical evidence to believe you would never do that to him. Ha! What a joke you made out of yourself. It was really just you and your feelings against the whole world, and jake belonged to that world. A hollow laugh escaped your lips as you contemplated to meet his eyes for almost twenty minutes “you don’t trust me, do you Jake…?”

He opened his mouth “no no I do—I just—”

“You don’t trust me. My opinions, my feelings and you’re ashamed of me—”

He grabbed your shoulders and shook you slightly, voice turning hoarse. “Watch what you’re saying...I never said I’m ashamed of you!”

You harshly removed his hands away “That’s the problem Jake! You never say anything at all! So of course my thoughts will fill the gap with everything I ever speculated from your silence!”

“If you’re not ashamed of me, then why are we hiding here like criminals?!”

Jake ran a hand through his hair “You’re getting it wrong—they—”

“They?!” you cut him off shortly “I don’t want to hear about them! Say what’s in your mind. Say it!”

You finished in one sentence and breathed heavily for fresh set of oxygen. He stared at you for few seconds then gently tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Y/n… I think…”

Your heart thumped loudly and you fiddled nervously with your fingers. Is this it??? Was he finally going to—

“I think Sunghoon likes you and I don’t want to get in between you two… so I just wanted to clear things that...I don’t hold any grudges against you… or him.”

Eh?

Ehh???

EHHHH?????

Your face morphed into something very distant and distraught “Sunghoon what now?”

Jake nodded “yeah I know it sounds crazy, but….I think he’s bothered after witnessing us getting stuck again and again in some crazy positions—” He gulped, glancing up and down “I—I mean in life.”

You took a deep breath. What on God’s green earth was Jake even saying? Was he using even a single brain cell he used while studying?

“I think… I think we need to stay away from each other, as MUCH as we can” you whispered knowing you weren’t crazy for wanting that. Jake only nodded in response “yeah… let’s just try not to run into each other without any reason.”

Right. And that was exactly why Jake had very chalantly dragged you here to this vampire coup kinda space. In his defense he just wanted to save you from the mess that was probably still going on inside the cafeteria and to confess Sunghoon’s feelings.

Confess Sunghoon’s feelings…right....not his. Of course no.

He didn’t feel anything. Not at all.

“I still can’t believe birds are chirping and the sun is shining after that mess we survived yesterday,” Chaerin groaned, burying her face into your shoulder. You ignored her and focused on your books.

“You still haven’t told me where you disappeared, by the way.”

You scrunched your nose, trying to come up with a convincing lie “told you—I got scared and ran into the bathroom.”

Chaerin stared at you intently before clicking her tongue “I don’t know…..something about your testimony is not fucking convincing me.”

You shrugged “just stating facts.”

“Yeah, right. Also why are you ignoring Jake again?”

“I’m NOT???” Even if you tried, the desperation to suppress your emotions was obvious in your voice “and even if I am, what’s the problem? I don’t think I can sacrifice my major for something as trivial as Jake.”

“Funny how you say that when I can clearly see the tension—”

“Chaerin, stop. There’s genuinely nothing between us. Not anymore.”

Your best friend sighed, finally giving up as she lay back on your bed “we’re going shopping this weekend. You coming?”

You shook your head “assignments.”

A common class was arranged for the departments participating in the field trip, and the moment you realized that meant none other than just a bunch of grown engineering and architecture students crammed into one classroom, including the a very specific person you swore you weren’t trying to avoid.

You could practically hear the saxophone blaring in your ears.

Since the cafeteria mess happened for the first time in decelis — the principal and deans had let everyone off with just a few guardian calls and warnings. But you knew for Sadie, Evelyn, and the rest of that group, it wasn’t over yet. You had also noticed things seemed better between Chaerin and Jay. She now sat with him during the joint classes, and even though it got a little lonely sometimes you weren’t about to hold your best friend back for your own comfort. Still, you found yourself missing Chisa and Jurin a little more these days, considering they weren’t even from your department to begin with.

Too bad Heeseung wasn’t participating either, he was busy with his boxing gigs and practices as usual. That left you with Jungwon and Sunoo, who stuck together, and Sunghoon, who occasionally sat with you….and sometimes with a certain blonde student who preferred the very last row.

And now, as you stared at Sunghoon doodling absolute nonsense on your notebook, you couldn’t help but wonder what had even made Jake think about such bullshit. God, you wanted to ask Sunghoon about it so badly. But then again, getting involved in more mess sounded far worse than just staying confused.

“I hope this trip will be memorable for our two most loved departments,” an unfamiliar professor concluded her speech, probably a new recruit for the trip. You stretched your neck, trying to ease the stiffness.

“You need help?” Sunghoon asked glancing at your exhausted state after days of barely sleeping. You shook your head, forcing a tight lipped smile “no….I’m okay.”

“Damn, you look rough as hell.”

Jake flinched at the familiar deep voice. Felix gave him a casual salute before slipping into the seat beside him “about the footage, I’m still trying—”

“It’s okay, Felix. I…I don’t need it anymore,” he sighed, gaze unconsciously fixing on your back, which was unbeknownst to you slightly slouched against Sunghoon’s shoulder. He tried to ignore the pang in his chest. Whatever.

“But bro, your credit points—” Felix pouted. Jake let out a small chuckle “I can still score well in the field trip research and finals…” making the other guy mumble something along the lines of “I don’t know how you people manage this,” before getting completely lost in his own thoughts.

“Excuse me… uhm?”

The nineteen year old looked up and instinctively leaned back a little “yes….can I help you?”

There was no way his eyes were deceiving him at 8 a.m. on a class day. Standing right in front of him was the same girl who had sneezed a few days ago and, very unfortunately left clear snots on his brand new hoodie.“Are you okay now?” he asked, a bit cautiously, glancing at his current shirt as your cheeks turned pink.

“Y-yeah…” How embarrassing. You bit your lip and pulled out his belonging you had been meaning to return ever since that day. God, this guy had been hard to find. You were a freshman too but at least you had friends. It seemed like no one in his department even knew him — or maybe they were just discovering him for the first time whenever you asked about him.

“Thank you for that day,” you said, avoiding eye contact as you held out the properly washed and dried handkerchief, the letter ‘J’ neatly stitched in one corner. He took it back and scratching his brown hair awkwardly “you could’ve just kept it…”

What??? Did he think you couldn’t afford a handkerchief or something?...

But you were incapable of carrying one—

Shut the fuck up author.

“I’m really sorry for causing you trouble that day,” you added, this time more clearly while bending down to give him a small apologetic bow. “I’m Y/n from the architecture department by the way!”

An unnecessarily cute smile spread across his face, and you could practically feel the nervous giddiness radiating off him.

“No need to apologize, Y-Y/n… I’m Ja—”

“All architecture students are requested to assemble in the auditorium… I repeat, all architecture students…”

You mentally groaned at the sound of your dean’s voice echoing through the corridor “nice meeting you uhh I should go.” You gave him a quick wave before turning away.

Jake raised his hand to wave back, but you were already gone by then.

“…Bye...y/n.”

# 10 the heart wants what it wants

“No way what—” you gasped in horror, staring at the full sleeved outfits you were planning to pack for the trip. They were ruined with very noticeable holes staring back at you from almost every piece. “Are you fucking kidding me???? Even after paying a bloody amount of fees Decelis dorms have rats in the closet?” you cried immediately yanking every piece of clothing out of your wardrobe and throwing them onto your bed.

Except you were a little wrong. There weren’t any rats in Decelis. They were in your own house, ehich, unfortunately you had failed to notice while packing your winter clothes.

You glanced at the clock — almost 11:30 p.m. Chaerin was out shopping with the girls and you were pretty sure they had wrapped up by now. Calling them for your emergency would be pointless. You just needed some basic clothes for the three day trip. You hesitated for a moment then dialed Sunghoon’s number. He picked up within a few rings.

“At your service ma’am”

You could hear a few familiar voices in the background, but you ignored them and spoke frantically. “Sunghoon, can you accompany me to the mall???? There’s a huge emergency.”

He immediately sensed your panic “wait hold on—”

A few seconds passed before he spoke again. “Is it okay if I bring—”

“Yes, it’s okay! You can bring whoever you want!!” you nearly yelled, already slipping into a pair of jeans and a thin top, not even paying attention to whatever Sunghoon said next before hanging up.

And you wished so badly that you could take back your words. The weather was awful and the top you were wearing did absolutely nothing except sit on you like a useless decoration. Your phone was at 12%, and right beside you stood a very unaffected Jake with Sunghoon, of course. Even when you tried not to look, you kept stealing glances at him.

Ughhh what am I supposed to do??? He looks mad fine in that maroon leather jacket, alright?!

You hugged yourself tightly despite having just argued with Sunghoon about how you weren’t cold at all. From the corner of your eye, you could see him giving you a pitiful look.

You heard the faint rustle of leather shifting beside you and gulped. No matter what happens...you are not going to accept Jake’s offer if he tried to give you his jacket. Not at all. Even if you freeze to death right here.

You glanced at him again, only to find him pulling the jacket closer around himself and buttoning it all the way up to his neck.

Your ears burned hot. Whatever asshole.

You quickly marched up to Sunghoon who was walking a little ahead, completely missing the way Jake’s gloved hands had subtly moved, almost like he had been about to reach out for you. He let out a quiet breath when your presence disappeared from beside him, and slipped his hands back into his pockets.

Looking at the clearly pissed staffs who were definitely not expecting a uni student to go shopping at nearly 11:50 a.m., just ten minutes before closing — you realized you didn’t have the luxury to pick and choose. You grabbed whatever full sleeved, warm clothes you could find on the racks and started mentally estimating the total. You looked around trying to find where the other two boys had gone, only to spot them hanging out near a rack of oversized tees.

You sighed. At least things were better between Jake and Sunghoon. Otherwise the guilt of being the reason for their friendship breaking apart would’ve eaten you alive for the rest of your college life.

“Uh….ma’am, I don’t think these are your size…”

You flinched, not realizing a staff member had been watching you inspect the pile of clothes you had picked. She studied them for a moment, then grabbed a few more items from the rack and handed them to you with a bright smile.“You can try these in the trial room!”

And thank God you did. Because every single piece you had chosen was completely the wrong size. You almost cried in relief when you tried on the clothes the staff had picked. God bless that sweet girl.

Along with basic tops and tees, she had also included a baby pink dress with frills and tiny pearls. Too girly for your taste but it wouldn’t hurt to try right?

You slipped it on and froze. Wow.

Maybe you should start wearing dresses more often. It fit you perfectly. You turned slightly, only to notice the zipper was still open, exposing your bare back. Ugh.

You tried reaching behind, attempting to pull it up yourself, silently praying you wouldn’t ruin the dress.

“Ack!” you yelped in frustration when the zipper refused to budge.

“excuse me?” you called out, hoping the staff was nearby “I need a bit of help here!”

No one responded. You waited for another fifteen minutes and were just about to give up with an expression already turning sour, when the trial room door suddenly opened.

You sighed in relief, still craning your neck awkwardly to look at the zipper “uhm—sorry to bother again, I just need—AHHWHATDAFUCK!”

Your sentence ended in a sharp screech when you saw who was standing behind you in the mirror. Jake bit his lower lip, clearly trying to look anywhere but your bare back as he stammered, “T-the staffs are cleaning up…and there was no one around, y—you were calling—uhhh”

“Well then hurry up idiot now that you’re here!” you panicked, ignoring the sudden heat pooling in your stomach.

He nodded quickly, placing one hand lightly on your shoulder while the other reached for the zipper. Through the refelection you noticed his gaze wavering, shakily tracing the expanse of your back before he startled and looked up. You mentally facepalmed when your eyes met his in the reflection.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to look—the chain is stuck—”

“And who set this system up?! Look at the chain if that helps you!” you snapped again.

He swallowed and looked down again. After a few more minutes of struggling and his rough finger pads occasionally brushing against your back, sending unwanted goosebumps down your spine — Jake finally managed to pull the zipper up. Both of you let out a breath of relief. Then his eyes lifted again, scanning your reflection. You forgot for a moment, that Jake was even inside the trial room.

The dress looked….perfect. Yeah. You were definitely keeping this.

You noticed his lips moving behind you and turned slightly “you saying something?”

He shook his head quickly. “Nah… it’s nothing.”

After giving yourself one last look and checking for any damage, you pushed Jake out of the room and locked the door behind you.

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck…” you whispered, sliding down against the door and covering your face.

“Fucking sexy.”

His ass wasn’t slick at all. You definitely heard what he whispered and a part of you wanted to hear it again. Too bad he was a fucking pussy. A knock came from outside, Sunghoon’s voice reminding you that the poor staffs probably wanted to go home. You checked your reflection one last time, trying to calm yourself down before facing Jake again and then you stepped out.

The walk back to the dorm wasn’t as awkward as you thought it would be except for the fact that your stomach kept rumbling, constantly reminding you that you skipped dinner. You wanted to go back and order something but Sunghoon protested, insisting he knew a nearby ramen place that stayed open until almost 3 a.m. Ignoring your protests he grabbed your arm and dragged you in the direction of the shop, with Jake trailing behind.

And honestly you were so glad you listened to him. The moment warm smell of the spicy soup hit you, your hunger spiked. The shop was small, almost like a pocket version of Decelis cafeteria, barely able to fit ten people at once. And at this hour it was completely empty.

The owner looked more than happy to see customers, probably not expecting to make any money this late.

As you relaxed into the small wooden chair, your eyes drifted toward Jake. He was looking at something on his phone, smiling to himself.

There was something about the way the corner of his lips curled when he smiled. It felt familiar. Maybe because you had noticed it before but never paid much attention to? considering he barely smiled back when you two were busy pissing each other off.

You cleared your throat. I mean he still pisses me off.

Your train of thought didn’t get to reach its destination before the owner arrived with three bowls of perfectly cooked katsu ramen. And in no time you dove headfirst into the soupy madness of noodles and vegetables. While eating you noticed Sunghoon quietly picking out spring onions from his bowl and dropping them into yours. You snickered when he met your eyes and soon both of you were giggling.

Across the table Jake tightened his grip on his chopsticks, then picked up a few pieces of chicken katsu and dropped them into your bowl.

Both you and Sunghoon looked up at him, mouths slightly open, waiting for an explanation. He shrugged “I don’t like katsu…”

Sunghoon immediately kicked him under the table “did you hit your head or something??? You literally said you wanted to eat katsu ramen!”

Jake licked his lips, ignoring your questioning look and turned to Sunghoon “ well I just decided I don’t like katsu anymore”

“Please log out.”

“Ahhhh, I’m so full,” you yawned after devouring an entire bowl including the spring onions from Sunghoon and the katsu pieces from Jake. The chilly weather reminded you that you still had to walk back to the dorm. Thankfully it wasn’t that far from the ramen shop.

“Sunghoon you just introduced me to a gem. I’m bringing the girls here next time!” you said doing small excited jumps. Sunghoon chuckled “sure.”

He stared at you for a moment then suddenly stepped closer and grabbed your jaw gently, lowering his voice “there’s something near your eye.”

You paused confused, as Sunghoon’s broad figure hovered so close, his fingers brushing lightly near your eye. Maybe your mascara had smudged a bit, you weren’t really sure. After a few seconds, he pulled back only to trip slightly in the process, making both of you burst into laughter.

Jake bit his tongue trying to stop himself from screaming or doing something he would only regret while watching sunghoon hovering over you, his back facing him. Sunghoon kissing the girl he claimed he might be interested in? Not okay. Sunghoon touching you like that? Definitely not okay.

He can’t.

Why?

He just can’t.

Why? Because he’s a coward who can’t admit his own feelings? Or is it because he was extremely jealous and radiating off black aura realising he never got to kiss you within a normal circumstance.

Jake was acting weird. Like, very weird.

You chewed on a protein bar as you continued packing your clothes. The bus was leaving early at 7 a.m. tomorrow, and since the destination was far you decided not to waste time on your phone tonight and just sleep early. But deciding something and actually putting that into action were two completely different things. You kept tossing and turning, the incidents from the past few days crowding your mind. You and Jake had barely interacted — it felt like time had rewound itself to when you only knew him as someone with a bad reputation, and he probably wasn’t even aware of your existence.

You placed your palm over your chest, feeling your heart beat steadily.

Chaerin did say something about listening to your heart a few days ago. You almost forgot about it.

Nope. There was nothing your heart had to say.

You squeezed your eyes shut and forced yourself to sleep. Within ten minutes, your body finally relaxed under the covers.

# 11 moonstruck

“I can’t believe they’re making us travel at 7 in the morning… ugh,” Chaerin groaned, her face still puffy and voice laced with sleepiness. You laughed while pinching her cheeks as you tried to help her sit up properly on the bus seat. Outside, the view slowly shifted, from tall skyscrapers to wide stretches of greenery, with the occasional factories passing by. The gentle jerks of the bus made you drowsy, and you rested your head against the window.

After almost an hour and a half of traveling, three buses packed with students from both departments finally reached their destination.

The decade old heritage building, subject of this trip's research stood tall just a few minutes away, within walking distance of the accommodation everyone was staying in. After the professors finished handing out room keys, Chaerin grabbed your hand.

“Y/n…me and Jay—we’re staying together…”

You gave her a sly smile “oh ho…?”

But instead of smiling back she looked worried. You noticed it immediately and patted her back. “It’s okay Chaerin. I’m not sad about you leaving me alone—I’ll have the room all to myself anyway.”

She tightened her grip on your hand “uhm… but his roommate—”

“Oh, don’t worry they can stay with m—wait, what?” You went quiet. How did you forget about that detail? Panic creeped inside you as you whispered, “Who is his roommate?”

“Sunghoon,” Chaerin replied almost instantly. You let out a breath of relief. Okay then, sharing a room with a guy wasn’t exactly something you had mentally prepared for, but it was just Sunghoon after all—

“But Sunghoon is sharing a room with Sunoo and Jungwon… which leaves you with Jake.”

Chaerin’s words cut through your thoughts, and your brain immediately stopped working then did a complete reboot.

Everything felt unreal like some crazy new york bestselling author’s bullshit until you and Jake were really standing in the doorway of a single room with your respective luggage.

“See, I’m not doing that ‘you take the bed and I’ll sleep on the couch’ shit,” you rambled, shoving Jake aside as you entered. Partly because you wanted to claim the better side of the bed and partly cause you didn’t want him to see your tomato red face. Jake followed silently as you continued, “Bathroom usage should be no more than twenty minutes—and that includes showering and shitting—what the fuck, hey! that’s my side!”

You gasped as you saw Jake already dumping his duffel bag and stretching out on the side of the bed you had clearly intended for yourself. He shrugged “first come, first serve.”

Insufferable prick.

You tossed your bag onto a nearby beanbag and stormed into the en suite bathroom. Just before shutting the door you peeked your head out and shot him a dead glare “and since I’m the first one to use the bathroom I won’t be coming out for an hour.”

“What the fuck—?! That’s not fair, what?!” He sat up straight for the first time, making direct eye contact.

You stuck your tongue out. “First come, first serve right back at you.”

Since it was the very first day there wasn’t much scheduled — just self exploration and students hanging out. The actual research would begin the next day. You were in the middle of sorting your outfits when a notification popped up in the group chat.

Professor Han: Mandatory physical activities for students will take place in five minutes. Please wrap up and come outside.

Are you kidding me? It was nearly 3 p.m. Who in their right mind even does physical activities at this ungodly hour? You huffed while slipping into a pair of trousers and a white baby tee. Since Jake was still in the bathroom, you changed in the room and decided to head out before him.

The sun was slowly softening, air turning breezy. You noticed people already forming groups and jogged over where jay sunghoon chaerin was chatting. After catching up and you ranting to Chaerin about Jake stealing your side of the bed, everyone soon found themselves gathered in front of two large cardboard boxes. Professor Han stood at the front with a mic, alongside a few other assistant professors.

“Since this is a conjoined trip, we believe team bonding is very important before anything else.”

A wave of groans and sighs rippled through the crowd, clearly reflecting the ongoing tension between architecture and engineering departments.

Ignoring that, “So, we’ve decided to pair everyone up using a lottery system!” Professor Kim announced. That earned actual curses from the students. “No bad words!”

“First line, please come forward one by one and pick a random slip from either of these boxes. Announce your partner’s name, and they must stand beside you but—” Professor Han paused for effect making sure he had everyone’s attention.

“—here’s a twist.”

The crowd leaned in.

“If you don’t like the partner you get you can exchange them with someone you do like!”

That instantly caused an uproar this time of relief. At least no one would be stuck with someone they didn’t want. The lottery began. Some got their friends, some exchanged and some were left awkwardly unmatched. And then finally it was your turn. You walked forward and picked a slip without much thought. The name slipped out of your mouth before your brain could fully process it.

“Jake Sim, engineering department.”

You heard few girls snickering behind you.

Without missing a beat you spoke again, “I want to exchange my partner with Park Sunghoon!”

You ignored Sunghoon’s confused expression, doing everything in your power to not look at Jake, who stood somewhere behind him.

“What the fuck was that?” Sunghoon whisper yelled. You crossed your arms and ignored the tug in your chest. “Just doing what he wanted.”

“He wanted that? What—when?! How?!” Sunghoon looked genuinely lost.

“Quiet! No commotion… next one, please come up,” Professor Han continued. One by one, everyone got their partners. And then it was Jake’s turn. He was wearing a cap so you couldn’t clearly see his expression. He picked up a slip, stared at it for a moment then looked up.

“Evelyn Jung, engineering department.”

Your arms dropped to your sides. The composure you had been holding onto shattered instantly. He’s going to exchange his partner right? Right???

Jake said nothing as Evelyn with her bubbly energy skipped over to him in no time, immediately starting a conversation. And to your absolute demise you saw the corner of Jake’s lips curling upward.

Fuck him. Fuck both of them. You were so done.

The warm up session began with everyone helping their partners with stretching, sit-ups, and a few breathing exercises.

“So what the fuck was that?” Sunghoon asked again, pressing your feet down as you did a set of sit ups. “No idea,” you replied kicking him slightly when you felt his grip weakening. “Ouch! Okay, damn!” he winced then glanced toward Jake and Evelyn, who were doing the same exercise not too far away.

“Is Jake going insane after that assignment incident?? The mf said he doesn’t like katsu anymore, and now he just accepted Evelyn as his partner?!” Sunghoon sounded like he didn’t believe a single word coming out of his own mouth. You exhaled sharply. Enough of Jake, Jake, Jake, and Jake. He could go fuck himself with a dildo named Evelyn—

“augh!”

Some students paused nearby at the sound of Evelyn’s voice. Even though you didn’t want to look you still glanced over at the commotion.

“Jake—it hurts!” she winced, pointing at her ankle which looked completely fine. Jake gently rubbed the spot “sorry I might’ve put too much pressure...” She shook her head in denial muttering how weak she felt nowadays then suddenly leaned forward — her lips barely grazed his cheek.

You saw red. You kicked Sunghoon again, freeing your feet, and stood up abruptly.

“Wha—woman what the fuck happens to you from time to time?!” Sunghoon groaned. You ignored him already walking back toward the accommodation. “Tell Professor Han I don’t feel well.”

And for a long time you didn’t. You stayed curled up covering yourself, biting your lips until they nearly bled as your mind filled with a storm of thoughts. By the time Jake entered the room tired and sweaty you were already fast asleep. He crouched down beside your bed, his thumb gently brushing away the dried tears still clinging to your face “why are you always in distress when I’m not looking…”

Your lips moved slightly making him pause before leaning in closer to catch your faint whisper.

“Jake you piece of shit….I hope you get chlamydia…”

Day one of the field trip began with you waking up tucked under the duvet, your voice groggy and your face puffy. You sat up quickly realizing you had slept through the entire night like a baby. Frantically searching for your phone your eyes drifted to the empty space beside you. Seems like someone didn’t come back last night. He was probably with Evelyn.

You sighed, already tired of Jake being the first thought after you opened your eyes, and decided to freshen up. It was officially research day.

After joining everyone for breakfast in the buffet area and successfully avoiding Jake, who seemed to be avoiding you too, you chatted with the others as if nothing was wrong.

“You’re acting weird again,” Sunghoon whispered casually picking spring onions off his plate and dropping them onto yours. You munched on a piece of toasted bread and shot a glare at Jake’s back, where he stood talking to Jay.

“Well I was born with it. Deal with it cause If you’re going to get romantically involved with a person you should like them as a whole.”

Sunghoon scrunched his face in disgust “why the hell would I get involved with you?”

“Exactly—why the fuck would you?!” you snapped “So go ahead and shove that idea into your friend’s thick skull!” and stuffed a piece of bread into Sunghoon’s mouth which hung open in shock.

“Look at these marvelous old money designs! Oh how beautifully they balance with the mechanical structures without hindering the engineering of the base!” The assistant professor walked ahead followed by a group of students including you. Other groups trailed behind different faculty members each being guided through the heritage building. “Oh—and did you know these bricks weigh nearly ten kilos? My my….how did they carve such fine designs…”

Yeah. You couldn’t wait to dig up a brick tonight and smash it on your roommate’s head. Suddenly you were shoved aside as a swaying figure of Evelyn appeared in front of you “Sorry my leg is injured,” she faked a smile before walking up to the professor and whispering something. After she finished, the professor clapped to get everyone’s attention.

“Our lovely student, Miss Evelyn has proposed a plan to take some beautiful photos of the building for later research purposes in pairs! So why don’t we follow the same pairing process we used yesterday?”

And just like that you wished you could dig up two bricks. Because murdering Jake wouldn’t be enough. Evelyn had to go too.

When you were six, there was this strange shaman lady who used to live next door. She would always look at you like something was terribly wrong and tell your mother that your planets were not aligned. While growing up you never really thought of her again until now, at this moment when you just finished drawing out a slip and read the name, the same damn name again, you truly believed your planets were at this point crashing with each other.

“Jake Sim, engineering department,” you called out in a robotic voice. Then you looked up at the crowd.

“I would like to exchange my partner. Park Sunghoon come out.”

“Okay what is your deal actually?” Chaerin smacked your hands as you tried to focus your phone camera on a plain white pillar.

“I want to go home,” you replied almost instantly. She nodded “yes, we all do, but—”

“No, you don’t!” You swatted her hand away, clearly irritated. Chaerin followed your clearly distracted and distressed stare, beyond the plain white pillar and spotted Evelyn taking pictures of Jake while he was busy scribbling something in his notebook. She sighed then grabbed your hands again. “Y/n why are you pushing him away like this when the universe is literally trying to make it work?”

Your mind was still burning from getting paired with Jake for the second time only to exchange him for Sunghoon — and practically hand him over to Evelyn with pink ribbons yet AGAIN. You snapped “I hope the universe fucking blows up tomorrow.”

Chaerin quickly stepped in front of you blocking your view before you could throw hands at the nearby girls who heard your comment while giving you looks. Then she crossed her arms.

“The more you push him away the more you’re going to get hurt,” she said firmly. “If you really want him gone say it to his face. Say you want no trouble and want to graduate without being in his presence. Say you’re done with everything—Right. To. His. Face.”

You clenched your jaw. Like hell you weren’t going to do that. Oh you definietly would. You just needed a little time. Just a little.

As the day ended with a few more lectures, note taking, and you actively avoiding the sight of Jake and Evelyn working together — you found yourself lying on the hotel bed completely exhausted and sweating, even in the chilly November weather. Too tired to even scoot away from Jake who seemed equally worn out. You shifted slightly trying to find a comfortable position under the air conditioner when his hand lightly brushed against yours.

You shot up “how scandalous!”

Jake rolled his eyes “never expected you to have such big words in your dictionary.”

“Not my fault you’re uneducated,” you huffed, tossing the pillows and duvet off the bed that were bothering you. Jake turned to the other side facing the window while you also turned the opposite way, staring hard at the beige wall.

He wasn't even gonna bicker with you now? Wow....well good for you. At least that saved you some time and your mental peace. You bit the inside of your cheek trying not to make a sound as a sob threatened to escape your throat.

Want him gone? How could you want him gone when your stupid heart refused to even accept that this was real? Sure you never wanted trouble. But things were far past that now. Why was Jake making you feel so confused? One moment he pulled you close like nothing had ever happened. The next you were left feeling tossed aside. God—you had even thrown off the duvet. Now there was nothing to muffle your tears or even cover yourself.

“Y/n?”

You heard Jake’s voice, softer this time. And though you wanted to answer, nothing really came out. See, this was your problem. Of course Jake would keep tossing you around if you couldn’t even stand up for yourself.

“Are you asleep?” he asked again.

You opened your mouth to answer but then felt arms encircling your waist and pulling you back, that instantly shut you up. Your back hit with jake's chest, warmth radiating off it. And as you tried your best to not wiggle you felt his breathe on your earlobs. "I'm sorry it's too cold...I'm so sorry...Just let me stay like this for a while..."

His sleepy voice faded into quiet breaths, then soft snores. You let out a careful breath and slowly relaxed into his hold.

Avoiding Jake at this point felt easier than avoiding Professor Min’s eyes. Why the hell was that hag even here? He called the two of you aside during breakfast, eyeing both you and Jake carefully. “I’ve noticed some ongoing tension between you two….not to mention the rumors about you sharing the same room are circulating among the teachers.”

You waited impatiently as he went on about how he shouldn’t catch you doing anything unethical with him blah, blah, blah.

You gulped. Does Jake remember what happened last night?

You glanced at him and found him looking somewhere else completely unfazed. Does he not remember anything at all? The answer had already been clear that morning when you woke up, tucked neatly under the duvet again, while Jake’s side of the bed was spotless, like no one had ever slept there except you. Why was he doing this?

“Y/n, Jake I’m talking to you.”

You snapped back to reality as Professor Min held out a fishing rod toward you both. “You two should go fishing. Consider it bonding time”

What now??? He can’t be serious right????

What shocked you even more was Jake casually taking the fishing rod without any protest, muttering a quiet “thank you.”

He turned and walked away, as you followed behind.

“Jake!—wait—you’re not actually serious about the fishing thing, right?! We have tons of paperwork!” you called out to him as he walked a few meters ahead. He didn’t turn back “There’s still time to think….and if you don’t want to come with me then don’t. I’ll just find another partner.”

Another partner??? What??? He couldn’t possibly mean Evelyn….right?

You let out a frustrated sigh and stomped past him, your steps heavy against the green field even if they barely made a mark.

Day two of the trip officially ended with a lot of note taking and observation. Fortunately everyone worked individually this time saving you from the emotional turmoil of being paired with Jake again. You scrubbed yourself harshly in the shower, tired, irritated, and somewhere close to feeling like dying. This trip was supposed to be your final push to move on. Seems like you were just stuck in the same place forever. That’s it. You slammed the handheld shower back into place and grabbed your towel.

You were going to move on. That was it. No more excuses and accepting anything from Jake.

After skipping dinner for two days straight you couldn’t risk it anymore. You needed fill your stomach before something else went wrong again.

“Slow down oh my God,” Chaerin muttered. You ignored her stuffing your mouth with whatever was on your plate. Sunghoon quickly held out a glass of water when you choked but immediately stopped when you shot him a glare.

“Are you trying to kill yourself or the chicken?” he muttered under his breath witnessing you stabbing the piece of meat repeatedly. Jake was nowhere to be seen. Not like you cared. He was a grown adult, it was his responsibility to eat on time. But your heart dropped when you overheard Jay telling Sunghoon that they hadn’t seen Jake since the afternoon. You slowed down, chewing more carefully, trying to come up with logical reasons. He’d come back eventually. He always did.

Beside you Chaerin noticed your uneasiness and nudged your shoulder. “Y/n did Jake say anyth—”

“Don’t involve me with him anymore,” you cut her off coldly, wiping your mouth with a tissue. Yeah you weren’t getting tangled in this shit again.

Back in the room you went through your usual skincare routine and flopped onto the bed, wishing yourself a very heartfelt goodnight. But even after tossing and turning across the entire bed sleep refused to come. Your hand instinctively reached for your phone.

11:30 pm.

It was pitch black outside, except for the dim lights near the entrance. Where the fuck was Jake? After five minutes of thinking and another five minutes of cursing yourself, you finally slipped on your hoodie and walked out of the room.

As you stepped out of the accommodation, you dialed his number. As expected it went straight to voicemail. He should honestly throw that phone away if he wasn’t even going to use it for its actual purpose. You shivered. The cold felt harsher now that you were out in the open, surrounded by vast, empty fields. From this distance, the site and the accommodation looked like tiny ants. You kept walking. What started as irritation slowly turned into worry. You dialed Jake’s number again but it was no use. A frustrated groan escaped your lips. When was the last time you saw him? Where could he even be—You forced yourself to calm down.

Think. And then it hit you. The image of him taking the fishing rod from Professor Min flashed across your mind.

The small lake behind the heritage building! You retraced your steps toward the old building. Your lungs burned craving warmth, as the air grew even colder near the lake. You turned on your phone’s flashlight.

“Jake?” you called, turning your head frantically. “Jake?!” eventually yelling louder.

What the fuck. You coughed, your throat dry from running and panting. Then you walked further. Slowly your vision adjusted. An old wooden bridge stretched across the lake. And there a hazy figure sat at the edge, shivering, alone, holding a fishing rod.

Fucking hell.

“JAKE!” you screamed with everything you had. The figure looked up. Soon jake's blurry figure stood up a little wobbly, maybe because he was sitting there for long. He dropped the fishing rod on the bridge and started running towards you. After a while his face became visible and you realised the reason he seemed blurry was not because of the weather but because of your own eyes tearing up. You quickly wiped your tears before he could get any closer.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, slightly breathless, clearly not expecting anyone to come looking for him. You clicked your tongue. You wanted to push him straight into the lake. Commit firstndegree murder right there and be done with it. But your trembling hands and racing mind just needed to see him safe.

“It’s almost midnight ” you muttered looking down, fidgeting with your fingers. Jake ran a hand through his hair and nodded. “I know….go back. It’s late—”

“What about you?” you cut in. He stepped back slightly. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

Oof. The same fucking conversation. You crossed your arms and finally looked up, your embarrassment, your shame, everything gone. You didn’t care if he saw you like this anymore, all ugly, devastated, hurt and confused.

“Nothing really matters to you except your own feelings, does it?”

Jake clenched his fists “I didn’t mean it like that, I was just—”

“Yeah, you were just out here fulfilling your duty as an obedient student right?” you snapped. “Leaving everyone worried sick!”

Your head rang with every word. Jake frowned. “No one’s worried Y/n, I texted Professor Min before coming here. I also let Hoon and the others know.”

Oh. So it was just you acting like a fucking madwoman.

“What about me then Jake…?”

Your voice cracked and you didn’t have the strength to repeat it. Jake opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. His mind refused to cooperate.

“Everyone gets an explanation while I’m left stranded here like always…” you whispered just loud enough for him to hear. He reached for your cold hands. “I’m sorry I thought you wouldn’t…”

“Wouldn’t what?”

He bit his lower lip “wouldn’t want to associate with me anymore.”

Yeah right. Thank fucking God he reminded you of that dumb excuse you’d been hiding yourself behind. “Yeah??? Would wanting to make a difference?” you snapped. “You didn’t even take me seriously when I wanted you for myself.”

The words slipped out through gritted teeth. Jake bit the inside of his cheek. He knew he needed to let go of whatever he was holding back—but he just couldn’t.

“Why would you even want me—”

“Yeah, right—I don’t anymore idiot!” you cut him off. “Go fuck yourself! I don’t care if you freeze to death and fall into the river—I don’t care if I never see you again! I don’t!” You shoved his shoulder mid sob.

Something slipped from his clenched fist and fell to the ground.

Under the faint yellow glow of a nearby lamppost you noticed it...a bracelet. Brown beads strung together. You recognized it instantly. The beads were arranged unevenly, clearly fixed after being broken.

Jake bent down to pick it up but you were faster. You grabbed it and noticed the white elastic string—the same one you had snapped weeks ago. Another wave of tears blurred your vision.

“W—what is that…?”

Jake reached out to take it back, but you stepped away.

“Y/n give it back. The beads are still not—”

“It’s mine,” you said, shaking your head.

“I never said it wasn’t yours—it just needs fixing—”

“Damn it Jake I said it’s mine! Stop bothering me!” You pushed him again, this time hard enough for him to stumble back. Jake inhaled sharply. And then walked toward you in long strides. You tried to move but it was pointless. He grabbed your arms and pulled you toward him. You yelped as jake squished your cheeks, forcing you to look up at him.

“Stop acting like a brat,” he hissed, struggling to keep his composure.

Brat? Oh, he wanted to call you a brat right now? Fine. You will show him what a real brat looked like.

You took a sharp breath and threw the bracelet into the lake. A small splash echoed in the silence.

You stood there, breathing heavily, as Jake’s hands slowly fell away from your face. He stared at the water. You didn’t even know why you did that but you were done. Completely done.You turned to walk away but froze mid step when a louder splash cut through the air.

What the fuck—No. No this can’t be—

“JAKE!” you screamed, running toward the edge of the lake.

You shrieked as icy lake water splashed onto you, the reality crashing in — titanic level of shit was going to unfold if you didn’t pull Jake out right now. “Motherfucker I will strangle you if you don’t come out this instant!” you yelled. But he disappeared under the water. No…what?

“Jake…?” you called again. But no response came. Your heart dropped to your ass. Soon you muttered a quick prayer, rolled up your pants, and stepped into the lake. The freezing water bit into your skin turning it numb almost instantly but you were way past caring about that.

“Jake!” you screamed again. Before you could take another step a hand grabbed your leg. You screamed as you slipped into the water.

After what felt like forever, almost twenty minutes of struggling you finally managed to drag Jake’s coughing body out of the lake.

Your strength gave out immediately. Both of you collapsed onto the grass, soaked and shivering. Jake looked like he was about to pass out.

Panic surged through you as you pulled his upper body onto your lap and began pressing your hands against his chest, trying to help him breathe.

“J–Jake can you hear me?? Are you okay?” you whispered, leaning closer to his face. He gave a weak nod. Then slowly lifted his left hand. The bracelet tangled around his fingers.

And through ragged breaths he managed to choke out a faint yes.

You felt an invisible weight lift off your shoulders the moment you heard his voice. Jake tried to sit up, gripping your arms, but you didn’t let him. You clutched his soaked shirt and buried your face against his rising chest.

“Why would you do that?!”

He didn’t reply. You bit your lip hard until it almost bled. “You’re so fucking dumb…so so fucking dumb…”

Jake’s fingers moved gently moving your tangled dripping hair to see your face and he sighed “why would you throw it, dumbass…?”

“Does that thing mean more to you than me?” you snapped looking up at him, eyes red from crying, a tear streaked face, and a very ungraceful runny nose. Jake exhaled slowly.

“I don’t know…”

“Then what the fuck do you know—”

“I just knew I had to pick it up,” he cut in. “Otherwise I’d lose it forever… and I don’t want to lose it.” He looked straight into your eyes. You pressed your lips together holding back another sob then tugged his arm.“Let’s go back…”

He didn’t say anything else and he stood up with your help. And the two of you walked back slowly, close enough for your hands to stay intertwined, toward the faint light of the accommodation.

No words were exchanged but somewhere deep inside, your heart knew something still needed to be said.

The last day of the trip started with both you and Jake getting scolded and grounded by almost every professor after someone snitched about seeing you two wandering the halls at midnight looking like swamp zombies.

Thankfully Jake seemed fine after a long sleep. You made a mental note to have a proper conversation with him once you are back in Decelis.

“Thank you, everyone, for participating in this field trip. Every student here did an excellent job in their research…including the ones indulging in unethical activities…”

You rolled your eyes discreetly at Professor Min’s words. He can go to hell for all you care. You just wanted to get back to the dorm

“...And now, for the most anticipated announcement I received from the principal last night—the date for this year’s gala has been finalized. It will take place on the 7th of October that is few weeks from now.”

The crowd erupted into cheers and whistles. Wait what? Chaerin grabbed your arms, practically bouncing. “Oh my God!!! Y/n!!! Finally the gala week!”

But…your talk with Jake?

“I wish all students good luck for their semester ending exams next month. Enjoy your gala,” Professor Min concluded. And just like that everyone scattered to pack their bags and rush toward the buses. You glanced at Jake. Sunghoon was already bombarding him with something talking nonstop. Jake looked up, as your eyes met with his. And you immediately looked away. Fuck your heart still wasn’t ready to face him. Fine. You’d talk to him. No matter what, hefore the gala. You had to.

# 12 billet-doux

“You’re not coming?? Bitch your grandma is coming,” Chaerin scoffed after you gave her the weakest excuse imaginable for skipping the gala next Saturday. She wasn’t having it.

“Y/n, be fucking for real. How long are you going to lock yourself up and waste your youth?”

No shit your youth was currently busy running after someone who seemed very occupied this week. Jake was elected by his classmates to be the face of the department this gala and that made him almost untouchable (not like he was not anyways). He was constantly surrounded by seniors, being briefed on responsibilities, and all that formal bullshit. And every time you wanted to get up and pull him aside for a little chat you would get bombarded by your classmate who still thought you were two timing with him and sunghoon. Everything was so fucking tiring but you were not giving up until you were seeing the end of it.

“Y/nnnnn!” Chaerin whined again.

You sighed “fine. I’ll go...I guess.”

The girl infront of you stopped spinning on your study chair and jumped. “REALLY??? Oh my God! We need to go shopping this is so happening fina—”

You cut her off the moment she said shopping and walked to your wardrobe.

You cut her off hearing the shopping part and walked towards your wardrobe. "I don’t think i need to buy anything chae...i already got....this one!" You pulled out the same pink dress with frills and pearls you bought before trip and chaerin's mouth hung opened. "Where and when did you buy this gorgeous dress???"

You blushed a little and scratched your neck "well it's a long story"

Jake had been zoning out a lot these days. Well it wasn’t exactly his fault. His head felt light all the time like he was stuck somewhere else but now, at least he knew what he had to do. He stared at the bracelet he had retrieved from the lake that night, the voices of seniors and professors fading into a blur in the background. He needed to return what was yours to begin with.

“Yo.”He looked up to see Sunghoon sliding into the seat beside him.“You…coming for practice later right?” Sunghoon asked but his eyes quickly fell on the bracelet in Jake’s hand. A smirk spread across his face. “Still not giving up? I thought you were done with your feelings.” Jake sighed and slipped the bracelet back into his pocket. “Yeah Hoon. I’m done giving two fucks about waiting.” He leaned back slightly, that familiar smugness returning on his face “I’m going after your crush so watch out.”

Sunghoon blinked “Excuse me???? Hey—Jake! Where are you going—Jake!”

You sat still as Chaerin applied highlighter to your cheekbones. It was already past 7 p.m., which meant the gala would start any moment. You exhaled slowly. It was tonight or never. You needed to talk to jake no matter who comes in between you won't fucking back up.

“Chae, sit down. Let me do yours too” you said, giggling as you made her switch places with you in front of the mirror. By the time you and Chaerin joined Chisa, Jurin, and Heeseung, it was almost 8 p.m. The campus looked something straight out of barbie charm school shit, leaving the freshmen and sophomores who hadn’t experienced the gala before completely starstruck.

“I can’t believe we almost lost this gorgeous ritual because some weirdos gave each other concussions!” Chisa exclaimed, already posing for a selfie as Jurin joined her.

You spotted Sunoo and Jungwon, who immediately dragged you toward the main area. Everywhere you looked it was just gorgeous women with their partners and professors looking dazzling once in a while. Sunoo kept asking you how the field trip joined and as you guys chatted jay ran up to chaerin and kissed her cheeks. Chisa and Jurin elbowed each other silently and you snickered, noticing how red Chaerin had turned. You were so glad she got her happy ending.

A question was stuck inside your throat since evening but you refrained to ask it to others knowing no one could’ve answer that. You knew jake wouldn’t be with his friends.He had more important responsibilities as the department representative.

You felt someone poke your shoulder. Turning around you found a very much awestruck Heeseung staring at the food stalls like he had just discovered heaven.

“We need to try them before they run out,” he said lightly shaking your shoulders. You giggled and followed him. You felt eyes on you when heeseung put his arms around your shoulder. Jobless people probably whispering how greedy you were to go for yet another guy while you were playing jake and sunghoon. But at this moment you were long past the line of giving a fuck. Heeseung and you stopped infront of a cozy stall selling various kinds of tanghulu.

While waiting your phone buzzed suddenly. You turned it on only to find a text from Jake.

Basketball court. Within 5 mins. We need to talk.

Your chest tightened.

“Heeseung I have somewhere to go,” you said quickly shoving the payment into his hand.

“Wait—what? At least take a bite—” he held the tanghulu stick up to your lips. You leaned in and took a quick bite, unable to resist his confused expression and the sweet smell from the syrup. Then you ran.

“Ouch—sorry!” Someone bumped into Heeseung right after you disappeared from his sight, causing your half eaten tanghulu to fall to the ground.

“Oh my God, I’m—I’m so sorry!” the girl panicked. Heeseung shook his head trying to convince that it wasn't even his portion to the poor girl who was panicking at this moment. “no no it’s okay…it wasn’t even mine—”

But before he could finish speaking the girl asked for an extra tanghulu to the shopkeeper and turned at him “these new contact lenses I’m wearing are fucking useless.”

Heeseung blinked unsure how to respond. His eyes drifted across her face and stopped on a fading bruise above her eyebrow. Without thinking, he crouched slightly and touched the spot gently. The girl flinched and stepped back. He immediately pulled his hand away. “Shit, I’m sorry! Did someone hurt you??”

She gave a sheepish smile and shook her head. “No….I just do boxing gigs sometimes.”

His eyes widened. “Really? Me too!”

She grabbed the fresh tanghulu and turned back to him, smiling brighter this time.

“Oh my, we should totally exchange numbers! Also—this is for you, as an apology for dropping yours.”

She held it out.“oh I’m Rina by the way! You??”

“Can you ring my phone once? It was just here…” Jake asked as he pushed through the crowd to Soobin, his hands digging through his pockets again and again. Soobin nodded and pulled out his phone to call jake's number.

Jake exhaled and glanced around. The campus was packed — hallways overflowing, everyone dressed up, almost unrecognizable. It felt suffocating. He just wanted this whole gala to end so he could finally find you and talk. His gaze drifted to a group of girls staring at him with heart eyes. One of them was wearing a baby pink bodycon dress.

His mind wandered. What were you wearing?How did you do your makeup today? Did you use that same glittery gloss…or something new? Damn it—he wanted to see you so badly. He came back to reality when Soobin tapped his shoulder “someone picked it up and said they found it in the basketball court.”

Shit he must’ve left it there earlier when he went to clear his head.

He really needed to start using his phone more often.

“Thanks Soob. Gotta go,” Jake muttered, patting his shoulder before heading towards the court.

Your heels echoed through the decorated hallways, spaces that had looked so plain just days ago, now transformed into something almost unreal. You couldn't help but feel a little anxious, it's been a while since you last saw jake, and everything related to him had turned such a sensitive topic to you. The corridor leading to the basketball court was nearly empty just a few bored guards lingering around. Everyone else was inside main hall, lost in the gala.

As you approached, you noticed the door slightly ajar. Maybe he was already there. You swallowed hard, trying to hydrate your sandpaper equivalent throat and clenched your fist while your steps fastened. Your heartbeat pounded in your ears when you stood in front of the door. The light spilling from inside felt almost like a portal. You closed your eyes.

You had to face him. No running this time. Taking a deep breath, you pushed the door open and stepped inside.

The court was empty just as you expected. Hoops standing tall, a few basketballs rolling lazily across the floor. Everything was in it's position but something inside you churned uncomfortably.

Infront of you was jake standing still, you recognised his fading blonde and stiff composure. And then your eyes fell Evelyn, the red gown glowed on her tanned skin, her hands were encircled around jake's torso, engulfing him in a hug as she made a direct eyecontact with you. A sickening smile spread on her lips.

Before you could process anything, she rose on her toes and pressed her lips against Jake’s.

You stumbled back, your heels hitting the floor hard.

“What the fuck—?” Jake shoved her away instantly.

His head turned at you next but you were beyond any headspace to deal with whatever you just witnessed happening in front of your own eyes. You turned back quick and started running.

Ignoring the sound of Jake's footsteps chasing after you.

“Evelyn what are you doing here?”

Jake was both surprised and irritated as he saw her inside the court, his phone in her grip. She adjusted her gown and smiled “oh hi Jake! I was just passing by and heard a phone ringing…I recognized your ringtone so…”

Jake didn’t waste a second before snatching his phone back. The fact that his unlocked phone had been in her hands irritated him more than he expected. He was ready to leave but Evelyn grabbed his arm.

“J–Jake! Can we talk?”

He frowned scanning her expression. “No. I have to go I—”

“Jake I’ve waited for this moment for so long…” her voice trembled. “I don’t care what happened in the past—I still really like you. No… I think I love you.” Her grip tightened around his arm. Jake clenched his jaw clearly irritated “you can’t just 'think' you love someone Evelyn” he said flatly “and I didn’t expect you to be this dumb—to not get the hint that I do not feel the same.”

Her lips quivered. “But… I did so much for you!”

“And?” Jake replied. “Did I ask you to do any of that shit?”

A flicker of anger crossed her face “really? You're fucking rejecting me for that rat y/n!?—the—the one who made you lose your credit points by replacing the foundation of marin engineering part in your assignment!”

Jake’s expression changed instantly from confused to something disgusted. He grabbed her wrist and pulled it off his arm harshly.

“I’m sorry? Come again?” he stepped closer. “Say that again.”

Evelyn faltered under his gaze.

“Evelyn Jung,” he continued, voice low, “I think we both know Y/n would never do something like that. And I never told anyone which part of my assignment got replaced.”

A bead of sweat rolled down her neck.“T–that doesn’t prove anything!” she stammered. “Who else would do that to you? Me?! Ha! That’s ridiculous!”

Jake scoffed.

“I don’t care, Evelyn. But take this as a fair and last warning—don’t ever interfere in my academics or personal life again.” He paused a bit before continuing “and that includes Y/n too”

She gasped. Then suddenly hugged him.

“Jake, I admit it—I did everything!” she cried. “But it was out of love! I didn’t think it would affect you this much—”Jake stiffened, trying to push her away, already annoyed at the thought of her makeup staining his shirt. But then she stopped crying, her gaze shifted past him. Before he could follow her gaze, she rose on her toes.

The sharp scent of some cheap drugstore lipstick hit him as her lips pressed against his.

Jake pushed her away instantly. And then he heard clear sharp sound of heels against the floor. He looked up just in time to see a glimpse of a flowing pink dress disappearing through the door.

He knew that dress very well.

“Shit.”

You ran ran and ran, trying to erase everything you had seen in the last fifteen minutes. The bruises on your feet caused by the heels you borrowed from Chisa, dug deeper with every step, but you didn’t have the energy to care. Your vision blurred as you rushed past the glowing lights of the gala, past the loud laughing crowd, past the decorated halls and rooms of Decelis. Soon you found yourself in front of the same bleacher where you cried for the first time after jake avoided you like plague.

You collapsed onto the cold seat, hugging yourself tightly against the chilly air. Goosebumps rose on your skin when you slipped the heels off your feet and saw the deep ugly blisters.

Your gaze dropped to your hands. The acrylic nail on your pinky was barely holding on. Your carefully styled hair had turned into something close to a bird’s nest.

Look at you! such a poor state. And here you were thinking you’d finally make a move on Jake.

Ha! Where the hell did you get that kind of audacity from? How could you even think of standing in front of him like this when Evelyn, with her perfect face, perfect bun, perfect red dress on her perfect figure, had been in his arms? “Ack! I’m so pathetic…” you sobbed, covering your face and curling into yourself, trying to disappear from this cruel place filled with equally cruel people. Everything hit harder than ever. At the end of the day you were still nobody. Still the unchosen one.

“Wahhh…m-mom…” another wave of sobs broke out of your chest as you looked up at the star claded night sky. Why am I such a crybaby?! You rubbed your eyes harshly, knowing your makeup was long ruined anyway.

“Y/n?”

You sprinted up to your feet at the familiar voice.

“I’m sorry Jake! Look away—I look like a mess!” you cried, backing away as your lips trembled uncontrollably. Jake quickly closed the distance between you.

“Go! Goddammit Jake just go! I don’t want you to see me like this—I don’tffh”

Your words got muffled as he pulled you into his arms, pressing you firmly against his chest.

“Fine,” he whispered softly. “I’ll close my eyes. I won’t look at you.”

You let out a frustrated cry, tears spilling all over again, and slowly looked up. He really had his eyes shut tight, as his lips quivered. “But i won't let you go”

You stared intensely at his face. It's a shame Jake got tangled up with you, he really was that beautiful how you remembered your classmates describing him since first year. Up close he almost looked unreal. How could he just hold you like this? You were sure your tears bled on his ironed shirt. You were so pissed. “W-why Jake…?” you whispered, forcing yourself to stay steady in his hold. “Why won’t you just let me go…?”

He shook his head slightly and buried his face in the crook of your neck.

“I can’t,” he murmured “and I don’t want to let you go…”

"But why?!" You hissed, smacking on his chest lightly as your lips wobbled again "look at me...! I'm the prime example of I became what I once hated...I'm such a mess...and sadie probably got new contents to write about me in the forum..." you let out a sigh then grabbed his jaw making him face you. His eyes were still closed.

“Look at me Jake… you might want to reconsider this.” you mumbled as his eyes finally opened. He stared into your tired, red rimmed eyes then looked up at your eyebrows, your sniffling, flushed red nose, your pouty lips, the gloss long gone and your full cheeks. Then slowly one of his hand came up as he wiped a rolling tear gently from your eyes, thumb caressing your cheek.

“You’re still as beautiful as the night I first saw you… behind Jackson hyung’s house.”

Your heart leaped. Jackson…? That senior who had already graduated? But—but that was years ago! You didn’t even know Jake back then.…or did you? He chuckled softly at your stunned expression and planted a loud kiss on your forehead.

“Even that night you looked like a mess, nose all red searching for a damn tissue outside in the cold....you really think I could resent you after you sneezed and your snot fell on my hoodie....I never met a girl so upright disrespectful at the very first meeting....but I guess I felt happy that finally I found someone real among the sea of pretentious people around me”

Your eyes widened. Oh. OH.

Jake's blonde hair was instantly replaced by a dark brown hair as a very baby faced, thick glasses on nose, awkward looking freshman's face floated in front of you. Everything different except the same darn smile.

That's him! You remembered him! How could you even forget the guy you embarrased yourself in front of, right after attending the first ever college party???

“T–that was… you?” Your voice came out small laced with very much shock, and Jake laughed. For the first time in a while you saw him really laugh. You didn't know what happened but the sorm inside you instantly softened into pitter patter of rain.

“Oh my gosh—Jake! This is so embarrassing—” you whined, bumping your forehead lightly against his chest, arms still trapped at your sides because of how tightly he was holding you. “Leave me alone, Jake! I told you to never show me your face again—you’re such an asshole.”

Jake squished your cheeks, forcing you to look up despite your attempts to resist. Your breath hitched at the seriousness in his expression.“Shut the fuck up and take that back. Right now.”

“I won’t! No matter what happens I won’t!” you protested, shaking your head stubbornly, nearly knocking into his nose. Jake turned you around and pinned you gently against the nearest pillar.

“You won’t huh?” he raised an eyebrow. Before you could react, he pressed a quick smooch on your lips.“Wha—?!” you gasped, your legs kicking lightly against his, but that almost did nothing as Jake didn’t even budge.

“Take it back.”

You bit your lip and denied profusely again. “Not happening.”

His hand slipped from your jaw to your hair as he gently tugged them. Then he captured your mouth in a slow kiss. You who promised yourself to not give into his dirty as ever tricks felt your knees buckle when his another hand caressed your hips over the thin material of your dress.

“Still no…?” Jake asked softly, his breath uneven as his eyes flickered between your glistening lips and your dazed expression.

“Huh?” you murmured, completely lost and off track. Jake let out a quiet laugh, then pressed his lips on yours again, this time pausing between kisses to whisper against your lips,

“Take it back…that you don’t want to see me. Because we know damn well you do.”

And there it was. The hard pill you refused to swallow. You were caught red handed.

“What if I said I do…” you whispered glancing down at the frills of your dress before daring to look back up. A soft smile formed on Jake’s lips.

“then I'd like to let you know the feeling is mutual.”

You stepped back slightly, overwhelmed. “I—Jake right now I'm not really the person you want to associate yourself with...I got this whole image of playing you and Sunghoon and heeseung and—and—”

Jake pulled you back toward him, intertwining your hands.

“Do I look like I give a fuck?”

“But you did enough to hurt me before…” you whispered, your voice breaking again. Jake’s expression softened instantly. He pulled you into another hug—this time gentler.

“I’m sorry baby…you should’ve just left me to drown in that lake—Ouch!” he winced when you elbowed his ribs.

Both of you stayed in that position a while. Then you pulled away. Your eyes fell on his shirt, now stained with tears and snot and your eyes widened “oh my god I’m so sorry!” you muttered trying to wipe it off. Jake caught your wrists “It’s okay. Let’s get you cleaned up first.”

Walking back to the dorm with Jake beside you felt different.

Your bruised feet still hurt, heels still unforgiving, but it didn’t matter as much anymore. A fuzzy warmth spread through your chest as his fingers slipped into yours, intertwining naturally. The night was still young. And so were both of you.

“Wanna know how I got my reputation?”

“Jake, I will break your face.”

# 13 all that's left behind

Your eyes fluttered open at the familiar sound of your alarm. Yawning, you fumbled around blindly, trying to find your phone and shut it off. But instead, your hand landed on something soft. You yelped while squirming slightly, still half asleep, and failed to notice the arm draped around your waist— until the warmth of a palm resting against your bare stomach registered. You froze. Slowly, you turned your head and came face to face with Jake.

For a second, you were convinced this was just another one of your ridiculous hallucinations. But when his soft snores grew louder, loud enough to almost make you smack him, you sucked in the scream that threatened to escape.

Jake Sim was cuddling you. Limbs tangled, bodies pressed close. And then everything from last night came rushing back. He walked you back to your dorm. Helped you wash up, ordered food, let chaerin know you were back because you felt sick. And after tucking you in like he always did, you asked him to stay. Barely even conscious, just mumbling in your sleep.

And yet he stayed.

Heat rushed to your face as the realization settled in. This wasn’t a dream. This was very, very much real. Carefully, you searched around and finally found your phone. A few messages from Chaerin and the girls lit up your screen, along with a selfie from Heeseung showing off a new friend he had apparently made. But what caught your attention was the flood of notifications from the college forum.

A sense of dread crept into your chest. What now...? You swallowed hard and tapped on it.

What goes down inside the basketball court.

Under the title two videos were attached that looked very much like cctv footages. You clicked on the first one with shaky fingers and gasped as you realized what it was. Evelyn crouched over a laptop—Jake’s laptop to be precise—typing something frantically. You skipped to the next video and almost lost it. It was footage from last night, right before you found Evelyn all over Jake. With very clear audio of her and Jake having a fairly civil conversation, until she suddenly decided to act like a freak.

Your heart pounded as you scrolled through the ridiculous amount of comments. People were going batshit crazy under the post.

“I can’t believe I’m witnessing this in real time,” Chaerin almost cried tears of joy as a very defeated and furious looking Evelyn, along with Sadie and her little group of minions, were summoned to the principal’s office, not long after the post becoming viral and everyone began confessing how they had been wronged by them.

The sun was indeed shining, and the birds seemed louder than ever that day.

You had never looked forward to a college day like this before. Life felt a little easier after the college forum was finally shut down and every bad reputation disappeared along with it. Sure, people still talked shit, gossiped, and spread rumors, but it all stayed within their little circles. Not that you cared anymore. Your attention had shifted to something entirely different and that's how to stay composed while Jake behaved like an absolute slut in front of you with is infuriating smirk that never left his face whenever you were around him—ugh, he was just as annoying as ever.

But at least he was yours. Well…not in like literal sense, since he hadn’t asked you out yet. But he would eventually right?…Right??

You cleared your throat softly when he plopped down on an empty chair, right beside you in the library. Even though you and Jake had come to a mutual understanding that whatever was going on between you two was definitely more than just some aftermath of collateral damage—you still needed time to process everything.

You clicked your tongue when he started kicking your legs lightly under the table, staring at you intently. Was Jake always this clingy? No no—it’s not like you weren’t enjoying the attention—Suddenly he kicked you harder, making you gasp “what are you?! A dog???” you hissed, kicking him back with full force. Jake giggled and scooted closer. “You refusing to look at me is very entertaining, not gonna lie.”

Fucking hell he was still irritating as fuck. You rolled your eyes and tried to focus on the paragraph in front of you.

“Whatever, I’m busy.”

He leaned in, his lips brushing close to your ear as he whispered “Ruff, ruff.”

Your cheeks burned bright red. You stood up immediately, gathering your things, trying your best to ignore the stupid smirk you wanted to wipe off his face so badly. The dynamic between you and Jake wasn’t something that changed overnight. Or maybe it did just a little. You weren’t going to deny that. But it still felt weird. Six months ago, Jake himself felt like a completely different person to you and yet some invisible string kept tugging at your heart.

What was Jake to you, anyway? A lover? Nah that sounded too soon and too cliché. You liked him a lot. But he hadn’t really made any move apart from stealing kisses from you every now and then, ignoring your weak protests and pouts.…Okay, fine. You were done pretending you didn't liked that at all.

“C–Chaerin… uhm… if I like someone… and the feeling is mutual… do they automatically become my… something…?” You stared at her as she flipped through her notes. “Not necessarily,” chaerin replied casually. “People date, then they ask each other out, and then if they still like each other, they get into a relationship… and then, I guess, they get married.”

So many steps and you were on none of them.

You and Jake weren’t dating. Neither of you had asked the other out.

“Should I… do it…?” you whispered to yourself, staring at the ceiling only to yelp when Chaerin smacked your head.

“I will bury Jake’s body five feet underground if you ask him out. Let him do the job.”

You pouted. Jake didn’t seem like someone who cared about all that stuff anyway.

“Oh, by the way,” Chaerin added, “I heard from Jay that Jake’s been doing a lot of packing. Are you guys, like, skipping straight to the honeymoon phase or what?” She smirked.

You sat up straight. “A lot of packing…?” He didn’t tell you anything about that.

Chaerin noticed your expression, and her smirk slowly faded.

“Y/n… don’t tell me I’m the first person you’re hearing this from… no way.”

As much as you hated to admit it—you nodded slowly.

“Why would he be packing near the sem finals unless he’s getting transferred—oh” Chaerin stopped mid sentence, finally noticing the dread on your face. “He can’t possibly be getting transferred right now… right?” you asked quietly, not even sure if you were asking her or yourself. Was that why he hadn’t asked you out yet? Because he was leaving? Was he really going to go away?

A very much half naked Jake, fresh out of the shower and wearing only sweatpants, eyed you up and down, on his gaming chair before screeching, “What are you doing here?!” He hugged himself defensively. You rolled your eyes and threw a pillow at him. “Jake Sim, why didn’t you tell me you were moving away?”

“Move awa—what?—oh.” He paused mid sentence, finally realizing why you were there as you pointed at the big suitcase standing near his desk. He smiled goofily and crossed his arms, his muscles flexing in just the right way, making your throat go dry.

“Aww, Y/n, I thought I would surprise you—owh!” he yelped when you threw the Post Malone album from his desk at him this time.

“Go fuck yourself,” you muttered, jumping off the chair, annoyed at how he still managed to look that good while getting on your nerves.

“Y/n wait.” Jake closed the distance between you and pulled you into his arms. You nearly froze when your hand brushed against his bare chest as out of habit he squished your cheeks and forced you to look up at him. “Stop running away dimwit.” You tried your best to ignore the feeling of his heartbeat against yours and whined, “Let me go Jake, since you were planning to ditch me anyway.” He stared at your puckered lips before quickly pressing a smooch to them. You let out a weak scream and started tickling his ribs to break free.

“Ahhh! Stop—stop, Y/n fu@@£#£@£!!” Jake dissolved into gibberish, making you laugh as the two of you tumbled onto his bed.

“I’m not leaving you baby,” he breathed out between laughs, making you fluster all over again.“Then why did you pack that big suitcase?” you pouted. He pinched your nose lightly. “I’m visiting my family in Brisbane for a week…”He sat up and rubbed the back of his neck. “Layla’s sick, and Mom, Dad, and Riki missed me…so I figured I’d visit them before finals week starts.”

Oh. So that was it. You groaned inwardly, completely embarrassed for overthinking everything. Covering your face, you hid under Jake’s duvet, making him chuckle.

“Don’t talk to me. I’m embarrassed!”

The day Jake left for Brisbane, you couldn’t see him off at the airport because of stupid Professor Min who held everyone back for extra classes. You spent the entire lecture silently praying for that man’s downfall so intensely that Heeseung had to double check you weren’t literally emitting smoke from your ears.

“Finally the last week as a sophomore student,” Chisa huffed slamming her fist onto the bundle of notes in front of her. You and Chaerin were slumped against each other, laughing as Jurin tried to mimic Evelyn’s expression from the time she was dragged into the principal’s office. Honestly, you weren’t even sure what happened to Evelyn and Sadie after that. Not that you cared. Someone from your class did mention that they got suspended, but that was about it.

Right now though, you were waiting for some kind of update from Jake. The last text you received from him was hours ago, right after he landed at Brisbane Airport. He was probably tired, busy with his family. Ugh…it felt so wrong to feel this way. But damn it you missed him more than you thought you would.

“Holy fuck!—every one of these is limited edition!”

Jake laughed at Riki’s reaction as the younger boy stared at the set of Hot Wheels he had brought from korea with stars in his. In his arms, Layla, the cream border collie, clung to him, refusing to detach herself from the moment he stepped into his parents’ house. Now, sitting inside Riki’s room, Jake was being bombarded with questions about his second year shenanigans, and he couldn’t help but laugh as he told him everything that had happened.

Riki whined and smacked Jake’s arm. “Then why didn’t you bring your girlfriend with you?”

Jake wiggled his eyebrows. “Girlfriend? Y/n isn’t my girlfriend though…”

Then he paused. Right. Y/n wasn’t his girlfriend…so what the hell was she to him?

Riki looked completely bewildered at his brother's response and shook his head. “Get out. I can’t believe you’re my brother.”

You swore you were going absolutely insane. The thought of being nothing to Jake irritated you more the longer you dwelled on it. He texted you occasionally, sending pictures of his neighborhood, Layla, his high schooler brother Riki, and sometimes half baked thirst trap coded selfies that made you question your sanity. He wanted you dead. That had to be the only explanation.

Fine. You were done pondering. If Jake wasn’t going to ask you out, you were going to do it yourself—no matter how much Chaerin cursed you or preached about how guys were supposed to make the first move. You were done pretending you didn’t want Jake Sim all to yourself.

Jake pondered, laying on his bed in his childhood room, staring at the ceiling. The bed felt a bit cramped now as it's been years since he grew out of his teenage body. The Spider Man posters around his room along with his medals and trophies that were displayed on the wall from his school days made him feel oddly nostalgic — but right now, he couldn’t care less.

Why hadn’t he asked you out yet? He was so fucking stupid. God knew what you were thinking right now. All week, he’d kept himself busy spending time with his family, sending you occasional updates. You sent him pictures back too, Sunghoon and Jay bickering as always, brunch outings with the girls, even a sticker of Professor Min with horns drawn on his head that made him laugh.

God, he couldn’t wait to go back and hold you again.

“You’re acting weird,” Riki whispered, catching Jake mid thought as he imagined your face. Jake laughed. “How?”

Riki made a face and shrugged “I don’t know…I have this classmate named Rei who does this exact thing when I look at her—I mean, she’s cuter than you, but still, hyung….stop.”

Jake was finally coming back today, and you made sure no lecture and no professor min could stop you from picking him up at the airport. You and Sunghoon arrived right on time, and as your stupid heart did its usual stupid thing at the thought of seeing Jake again after so long, you couldn’t help but bounce a little when you spotted him walking toward you with his suitcase and that big smile. But then you noticed his hair and paused.

His blonde was gone, replaced by a soft shade of brown that made him look exactly like the same guy you’d bumped into years ago and gifted your snot to on your very first meeting—

Author can we stop bringing that up?

He ran straight to Sunghoon and pulled him into a warm hug. “Ahem.” Sunghoon cleared his throat and stepped aside, sensing the very obvious tension between you and Jake as your eyes met with his. It took only a second before Jake lunged toward you with his arms wide open, and you squealed, jumping straight into them.

Sunghoon chuckled to himself recalling how you were ranting in the cab just few minutes ago about the concept of pda being so cringe.

After helping Jake unpack his luggage in his room, Sunghoon headed out to grab ramen from the same place the three of you had eaten at a month ago. Before leaving, he made sure to ask Jake if he was still in his 'I don’t like katsu' phase. Thankfully, this time Jake had no excuse to keep up the act.

The moment Sunghoon disappeared from your sight, you turned to Jake. He had an equally endearing expression playing on his face as both of you were soon on his bed, kissing each other and giggling. Jake's hands lovingly caressed your back as he pulled away between your very needy kisses.

"Y/n, I need to tell you something right now."

You whined, too dazed in euphoria to even comprehend Jake's words, and leaned in to chase his lips again, but Jake grabbed your jaw firmly, keeping you in place.

"Y/n Y/l/n."

You paused after hearing your government name from his mouth for the first time and noticed how serious he looked. Your stomach flipped as you looked into his eyes. Jake took a deep breath and opened his mouth.

"I'm ready to share all the manga links I have from illegal websites with you..."

You chuckled. "Uh huh? That was it?—"

He pressed his index finger to your lips, shutting you up oh so gently. "I am also ready to give you the drive link of all the pirated movies I have downloaded..." You nodded with a smile, staring at a very flustered and adorable Jake, taking in the sight because you knew he was serious with everything he said when he had that look on his face.

"I am uhh...right now I don’t have anything else to offer, but in the future I will for sure. For the time being, I just wanted to ask..."

"Uh huh?"

"Shut up, you make me nervous," he whined, pressing his face into the crook of your neck as your body shook with laughter. He looked up again, his serious face softly morphing into something genuine. "Y/n, will...will you uhh...can we visit my parents the next time—no, that's not what I meant to say!—"

Jake started groaning again, but this time you cupped his cheeks and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. "Yes, I would...but before that, would you go out with me, Jake?"

Jake shrieked. "That was my line! Oh my god, that's it. I'm ending it all! Fuckkkkk."

You cackled at his reaction as he kicked his legs. A very visible pout formed on his lips making you almost melt into a puddle.

"Why—why would you—"Jake genuinely felt like jumping out the window. Fuck his stupid body and mind for becoming absolutely uncooperative when it came to you. He bit the inside of his cheek and pulled you impossibly closer. "If I say no, then what?"

You raised your eyebrows. "Say it, I dare you."

That stupid smug look was back on Jake's lips as he wiggled his shoulders. "No Y/n, I will absolutely not go out with y—"

You climbed on top of Jake without any warning and kissed him hard. His words died in his mouth the moment your tongue licked his lower lip, eliciting a low grunt. Holy shit. Even after fighting for dominance, Jake couldn’t keep up. His hands helplessly grabbed your hips, trying to ground you from doing anything that would make Jake the junior awake—though he wasn't sure if that wasn't already happening from the way you were almost devouring him.

"Fuck..." you almost moaned, pulling back and discovering Jake's stunned expression, lost in an entirely different dimension from the wild ride he had just hopped on. "Still no?" You mumbled against his lips, too shy to look into his eyes, and Jake let out a laugh mixed with a whine. "Allat for just saying no...I wonder what will happen if I say yes..."

He sat up a little, lips planting small kisses along your jaw, and panted, "I don't have any health insurance done here Y/n."

You giggled, smacking his chest, and chased his lips again.

Suddenly the door flew open as a very petrified looking Sunghoon screamed making you and Jake almost fall off the bed.

"You horny fuckers couldn't even wait! UGHHHH MY POOR EYES!"

Long story short, Jake did end up saying yes to you — because what else could he have done? You had become more than just a habit in his life, and he was very much against the idea of letting you slip away now.

Finals came and went like a whirlwind of chaos, but this time, unlike before, you had Jake beside you while studying. He helped you with your subjects as much as he could, and you realized his knowledge went far beyond just textbooks. It was a shame that the curtain of ignorance, built in the name of his bad reputation had kept you from seeing how ridiculous that whole concept truly was.

Decelis forum was back up again, but this time with certain limitations and consequences. And no, Sadie wasn’t part of the pr team anymore—in fact, she wasn’t in any clubs at all. There was a new girl named Rina. Heeseung had introduced you to the sweet junior just a few days ago.

At the end of the day, you couldn’t really care less about people spreading rumors about you, or Jake, or anyone in your group. Not when you had Jake beside you. And that mattered far more than holding onto any stupid reputation.

THE END. ©sunishake

You light a cigarette you won’t finish, you never do. Smoke curls between your fingers like it’s dancing for you, like it knows you’re the queen here. The Ghost Queen, that’s what they call you. No face, no past, and also no mercy. No one knows you’re you, the daughter of the man who burned half the underworld down before disappearing into his own flames. No one knows you were born in blood and named after betrayal, and you like it that way.

Behind you, the rusted door creaks open, but you don’t turn around. You already know it’s Beomgyu, your second-in-command, and the only person in this city you’d trust with your back turned. “They're calling again,” he says. Voice quiet, always calm. “Third deal this week gone sideways.”

You don’t answer right away. You exhale, watching the smoke dissolve into the night. “Same buyer?” you ask.

Beomgyu steps closer and leans on the ledge next to you, the city lights flickering in his dark eyes. “Different face. Same pattern. Military-grade weapons intercepted. Police got there too fast. Like... too fast.”

There it is, the rot you’ve been sensing all week. Something is off, and now it’s crawling into your business. “Is it local?” you ask, keeping your voice flat.

Beomgyu hesitates. “Maybe. But it’s spreading. Not just us.”

You glance at him and he meets your eyes. And you both know what name you’re not saying.

Choi Yeonjun.

You haven’t seen him in years. Not since you were teenagers. But you push the memory down like a knife you’re not ready to twist. Instead, you focus on the facts. If someone’s feeding intel to the police, they’re not just targeting you. They’re tearing a path through the power lines of the city. And eventually, that path leads to the Crimson Order, Yeonjun’s organization.

You stub out the cigarette on the concrete ledge. “Let the others know,” you say. “We don’t move anything for the next 48 hours. Nothing leaves the vault unless it’s fireproof and untraceable.”

Beomgyu nods, but doesn’t leave. You can feel him watching you. “You think it’s him?” he asks, his voice quieter now.

You don’t answer, not directly. Instead, your eyes drift toward the horizon, toward the part of the city where red lights burn hotter than the rest, his territory. You think about a scar on someone else's skin. A knife in your own hand. The way his eyes looked the last time he saw you — not scared, not angry, but betrayed.

“I think,” you say slowly, “if it is him... he’s about to wish it wasn’t.”

You turn away from the edge. And behind you, the city keeps burning, because it usually burns like this. Most nights, the city is a machine of smoke and steel, humming with secrets too loud to keep. Your world lives in the cracks — the places where rules bend, loyalty bleeds, and every smile hides a blade. You don’t live, you move, you calculate. You don’t love, you protect, you bleed. And you only bleed for a few.

Downstairs, the lights are low. This is home, if you believe in that kind of thing. This is where you chose to stay with them. 

Next to Beomgyu, Choi Soobin’s on a laptop, legs pulled up on the couch like he lives there, because he kind of does. He’s the quiet one, the one who smiles the least and notices the most. He tracks shipments, hacks through government walls like it’s a game. Lee Heeseung walks in with two guns and a bag of dumplings. He places the guns on the table like offerings and tosses you the food like it’s more valuable. He’s been with you since the beginning, an he still calls you “Boss” but smiles like you’re just yourself and that’s why you trust him. Park Jay and Huh Yunjin are arguing over blueprints at the far table. It’s not real fighting, it never is. They’ve known each other too long to mean it. Yunjin is lethal in heels and poetry, and Jay’s the kind of man who doesn’t speak unless it’s necessary, but when he does, people shut up. They were the last to join you, but they fell into rhythm like they’d been there from the start.

This is your family. No blood, no birthrights, only fire and choice. And every person in this room would kill for you. Every one of them knows exactly what you’ve done and why. They don’t ask questions, but they’d follow you into hell. 

There’s a map on the wall. Red pins, black threads, coded notes. The whole city, a body open for surgery. Beomgyu stands beside you, arms crossed, eyes on the patterns. “Third deal,” he says. “Same setup. Same leak.”

“Where’s the weak point?” you ask.

Soobin answers from the couch without looking up. “It’s not us.”

You nod once, you didn’t think it was. That’s when Heeseung speaks, voice low. “It’s coming from across the river.”

Across the river. Yeonjun’s territory. You feel it before you hear it, that low thrum in your chest, but it is not anger or fear. It is recognition, like something crawling back out of your bones.  “Gear up,” you say. “We’re not waiting to get burned. We’re going to find out who’s lighting the match.”

Your family starts moving. You send Heeseung and Soobin the next morning. Heeseung wears his leather jacket like it’s a second skin, and doesn’t ask questions. Soobin taps his fingers against the grip of his gun while scanning the coordinates, already thinking three moves ahead. They’ll take an unmarked car and rotate comms every two hours. They’ll report directly to you, always. You don’t need to follow them, because you never micromanage blood.

The days pass slowly, so you keep your hands busy, meet with suppliers, cut ties with a contact who got too loud, relocate a storage unit after a whisper of police movement near the docks. You don’t sleep much, but that’s normal. Sleep is a luxury for people who don’t have targets on their backs or memories carved into their ribs.

By the third day, Beomgyu starts getting twitchy. He hates silence, especially when it stretches too long and sounds like a setup. Heeseung and Soobin send in updates, but they’re dry — trail’s cold, warehouse clean, contacts nervous. You get the sense that something is missing. Something’s being wiped before they get there. And on the seventh day, everything shifts. You’re sitting in the back room, cigarette lit, going over surveillance notes with Yunjin when the alert pings. Intercepted frequency. Jay bursts in without knocking, holding a black phone like it’s about to explode.

“Got something,” he says. “Encrypted, but Soobin cracked it.”

You stand slowly, taking the phone from his hand. The message is short, just a few lines, but they slice clean through the room.

to the ghost queen. someone’s leaking our supply lines too. if it’s you, run. if it’s not, stay out of the way.next time, we won’t send a warning.

— ㅊㅇㅈ

Choi Yeonjun. Your jaw tightens, but you don’t say a word.

Beomgyu lets out a low whistle. “Bold move. Must think we’re the ones playing rat.”

Yunjin leans against the table, arms crossed, voice cold. “Or he’s deflecting. Trying to pin it on us so we back off and stop sniffing too close.”

Heeseung, now back and leaning in the doorway, shrugs. “Or he’s bluffing. He wants to see how we move.”

But your head’s already spinning faster. You know Yeonjun, you know how he plays. Or at least, you knew him. He doesn’t know who you are now. To him, you’re just the Ghost Queen — the nameless, faceless woman who rose out of nowhere and carved a throne in the darkest corners of his world. He doesn’t know you were once just Y/N. The girl who ran barefoot through his father’s garden, who once made him get a scar that still splits his left eyebrow in two.

He doesn’t know you’re the reason he can’t look in the mirror without remembering betrayal. And now he’s threatening you? Bold move.

You toss the cigarette into the sink. “He thinks I’m behind this,” you say, voice low.

Jay steps closer. “Or he wants you to think he thinks that. To distract us while he closes in from another angle.”

“No,” you reply. “He’s angry. You don’t write a message like that unless you’re cornered.”

Beomgyu leans in, resting both hands on the table. “So he’s losing product too. Question is—who’s behind it? Because if it’s not him, and it’s not us...”

“Then someone else is cleaning the city,” Yunjin finishes.

It could be another player. But still, you don’t like this, you don’t like being warned. Especially not by someone like Choi Yeonjun, who speaks in threats and smiles like he wants to see your throat split open on marble. And maybe that stings more than it should. You built a name that erased everything you were before. And now, the boy with the scar you gave him thinks you’re just another myth he wants to destroy. So, let him try.

You straighten up, eyes sharper than the knife tucked in your boot. “Let’s make something clear,” you say, voice slicing through the room. “If someone’s feeding the police, we find them first. If Yeonjun’s lying, I’ll put a bullet in his mouth myself. And if he isn’t…” You glance at Beomgyu. “Then we send him a message too.”

Because you're not the girl he remembers. You're the Queen now, and your crown is carved from bone.

It’s been nine days since the first message. Fourteen days since someone started slicing through your shipments. Ten days of second-guessing routes, switching hands last minute, cutting corners and biting your own tail to stay alive. And still, they get to you.

This morning, another one of your cargos is seized. The police raid the docks just before sunrise, like they were handed a map and a schedule. Two of your men are arrested, one doesn’t come back. You hear the news in your office, mid-call, with one hand resting over a blueprint of a nightclub you were planning to take over next quarter.

On the fourth day of that same week, you decide to visit one of your quieter fronts — a gas station on the edge of the city, off a highway no one pays much attention to unless they need fuel or a place to bury something. It’s clean, minimal, looks just like any other rundown 24-hour joint, but it moves more money in a month than most luxury clubs. You pull up in a car no one would suspect. Hoodie up, sunglasses on, no guards this time. You walk inside, nod to the clerk — he knows not to speak unless necessary — and head toward the back, checking the logs.

Your phone rings just as you're thumbing through the most recent drop. Beomgyu. You answer without a word. His voice comes fast, low, urgent. “I found something,” he says. “Someone’s been rerouting the trucks before they even leave the safehouses. Which means whoever it is — they’ve got eyes inside.”

You still and your pulse slows. “Inside?” you echo, cold.

“Not ours,” Beomgyu says. “Or at least, not directly. It’s third-party tech. Someone piggybacking our routes, cloning trackers, feeding fake data. They’re making it look like both our sides are fucking each other up — but it’s neither of us.”

You’re about to ask who, when the sound of an engine makes your skin pull tight. A car rolls up outside, not just any car. Matte black, sleek body, custom license. It purrs into the lot like it owns the place. You don’t need to ask, because you know who it is before the door even opens.

Choi Yeonjun steps out of the driver’s side like he’s in a goddamn movie. Hair red like a warning, he’s wearing a long coat and sunglasses, but his scar is still pretty visible. He doesn’t look your way, he doesn’t know to. But he looks around the station, just once — a subtle glance, head tilted slightly like he knows exactly whose turf he’s standing on.

You press the phone closer to your ear. Beomgyu keeps talking, unaware of what’s unfolding in front of you. “I traced the breach back to an old supplier. Guy named Kang Minjae. He used to deal with Kim Mingyu’s crew before it fell. Now he’s freelance. Works with cops, rivals, whoever pays more. Guess who he’s been talking to lately?”

Your eyes stay locked on Yeonjun as he pops the gas tank, leans against the car. He doesn’t see you. He doesn’t recognize the girl who split his eyebrow open thirteen years ago. The one whose last name he still associates with betrayal. The one who’s now watching him from twenty feet away with the quiet rage of a storm about to break.

You whisper, “Tell me.”

Beomgyu answers. And your world shifts again. “It’s him,” he says. “He’s the one working with Kang Minjae. I double-checked the comms log. That message he sent last week? It was a bluff. He’s trying to pin this whole thing on you while bleeding you dry.”

You don’t say anything at first, just watch him from the other side of the gas station glass. Still leaning against the car like he’s waiting for something, or someone. So you think, of course it’s him. Of course it’s Yeonjun. The one person whose silence you still carry in your bones. The one boy you hurt enough to leave a scar, and the one man who turned that scar into a warning sign. 

You end the call without a word. Then, quiet and calm, you step into the backroom, peel off your hoodie, and pull your hair into a loose ponytail. You find one of the spare uniforms hanging behind the door, a faded blue jacket with an old patch on the sleeve. You smear a thumb under each eye, rubbing out whatever leftover makeup you had on. Just your face now, just your skin, just your eyes.

Let’s see if he remembers. So you walk outside, heart steady. 

“Can I help you?” you ask, voice casual but clear.

Yeonjun looks up, slowly. His sunglasses are still on, but his jaw tenses the moment your voice hits him. Something flickers. He straightens up just a little, head tilted like he’s trying to place you. The way your shoulders square. The curve of your mouth. Your eyes. 

“I’m good,” he says, but his voice is slow. Not arrogant, not yet. “Just filling up.”

You glance at the screen, and see the tank’s already full. You nod and move to ring him up inside. He follows, steps behind you like a shadow. You tap the register. “Card or cash?”

“Card,” he replies, watching you more than the screen.

You swipe it. Let it beep, pass it back with a steady hand. Up close, it’s easier to see the details of him, even with the sunglasses still on. The sharp line of his jaw, the way the light cuts through the red in his hair, the scar across his left eye like it was drawn there on purpose. It should’ve ruined his face, but it didn’t. If anything, it makes him look better, meaner, more interesting. Not that you’d say that out loud.

You allow yourself one second too long looking at him, cataloging the face you haven’t seen in years, now grown into something more dangerous, more defined. The mouth you remember yelling at you in a warehouse soaked in blood. And yet now, he stands there like nothing ever touched him.

So you smile, controlled. Tucked into the corner of your mouth. “Car like that?” you say, tilting your head toward the blacked-out Mercedes behind him. “Little risky to bring it to this side of town. People might start thinking you don’t know where you are.”

It’s not a threat, but it tastes like one. He lowers his sunglasses just a little, just enough to actually look at you properly this time, and something shifts in his expression. Not shock or recognition, but something close. His eyes drag across your face like they’re chasing a memory. He hesitates, just enough for you to catch it, before smirking, lazy and sharp.

“Maybe I like risky,” he says, voice smooth as velvet with a rip underneath. “Keeps things interesting.”

You raise an eyebrow, but say nothing. You’re good at silence, better than he is. He lingers for half a beat too long, then slips the sunglasses back up, nods once, and heads for the door. The bell jingles as he exits, like it’s mocking you for letting him walk out so easy.

You stay behind the counter. Heart slow, breaths slower. He doesn’t know it’s you, but he looked at you like he almost did. And that’s worse than anything else, because now, he’ll start remembering. And if there’s one thing you know about Choi Yeonjun, it’s this: once he starts digging, he never stops.

The garage door slams shut behind you with that low, dragging creak that always feels too loud at night. The sound echoes through the old warehouse and you shrug off the jacket, throw the cap onto the nearest couch, and run a hand through your hair like it might wipe the whole evening clean. It doesn’t.

Beomgyu’s already waiting by the maps on the wall, arms crossed, head tilted, that focused look on his face he only gets when he knows he’s about to tell you something you won’t like. You don’t give him the chance to start. “I fucked up,” you say, blunt. 

Beomgyu doesn’t even blink. “Define fucked up.”

You pace. “I saw him. At the station. Just pulled in like he owned the place.”

“The car?”

You nod once. “Blacked-out Benz. Had to be him. And I—” You stop pacing and let out a breath. “I went to him. In disguise, just to see.” Beomgyu’s expression barely shifts, but you know him well enough to read it. He’s not surprised, just disappointed you didn’t tell him earlier. “He didn’t recognize me, or if he did, he didn’t show it. But still—” You sigh deeply. “It was stupid. I acted on instinct. That’s not how I do things anymore.”

You go quiet, the room does too. Then Beomgyu steps forward, flipping a paper file onto the table in front of you. Names, numbers, a few blurred photos stapled to the corner. “I found something,” he says, tone low. “He made a deal with Kang Minjae. Three weeks ago. Off the books, hush-hush, no lieutenants present. And guess who’s been quietly partnering with the militia to wipe competition out and feed the cops enough bait to look clean?”

You stare at the papers, your mouth goes dry. “So he is behind the intercepted shipments.”

Beomgyu nods once. “Looks like it.”

You lean forward, hands braced on your knees. “Then I was right. He didn’t go to that station for gas. He was sending a message. He wants to be seen. Or worse—he wanted me to see him.”

Beomgyu shrugs. “Maybe he suspects the Ghost Queen’s closer than he thought.”

That makes your stomach twist. You’ve built this empire in shadows, piece by piece, and no one ever tied the Ghost Queen to Y/N. You made damn sure of it. But today, you played with fire. “I can’t afford to be found,” you whisper, more to yourself than to him. “Not by him. Not yet.”

Beomgyu crouches down in front of you, voice quiet but grounded. “Then you need to start playing like the Queen you are. No more instincts. No more stunts. You want to beat Choi Yeonjun? You outthink him.”

You lift your gaze to meet his. There’s no fear there, not in him, but there’s belief in you. And you’re going to need that—every ounce of it. Because the closer Yeonjun gets to the truth, the more dangerous this game becomes. And if he remembers who you are? It’s not just your empire at stake, it’s everything.

You tell yourself it’s just another week. Another cycle. Another set of moves on the board you’ve been playing for too long to lose now. You and Yunjin meet in one of the upper rooms of the safehouse—no names, no phones, just the two of you and the map on the wall. Routes are rerouted, codes are changed. You think, maybe this time, you’re a step ahead.

Tuesday brings in a storm. You send Heeseung and Soobin out again. A small job, just a tail. Follow a man who’s been asking the wrong questions in the right places. He’s tied to Minjae. You’re sure of it, you just need proof. They leave before the sun’s up, but they don’t come back that night.

Wednesday, you don’t sleep. You sit in your office, boots up on the edge of the desk, the dim light of the monitors painting your face in cold blue. Beomgyu doesn’t say much, just brings coffee, updates, silence. Every phone buzz makes your pulse spike, but you don’t show it. 

Thursday morning, Heeseung stumbles through the gate, half-carried by Jay and bleeding down the side of his arm. No Soobin.

Your chest collapses in on itself the second you realize it. Heeseung’s face is torn, his voice barely works. “They knew we were coming,” he rasps. “They weren’t following us. We walked into it. Trap.”

He looks at you like he’s sorry, like he failed. You don’t say a word. You just turn, walk straight past everyone, slam the door behind you, and scream. You hit the wall hard enough to leave a dent, then another. You don’t care. You don’t even notice the blood on your knuckles until Beomgyu’s there, catching your wrist, holding it firm. “Y/N,” he says, voice low but grounding. “We’ll get him back.”

You shake your head, blinking hard. “No. I’m not risking anyone else. This time, it’s me.” 

Beomgyu doesn’t argue. He sees the fire in your eyes and knows better, so does everyone else. 

Thursday night, you sit alone in the old car parked on the edge of the city, staring out at the skyline. Your fingers tap the steering wheel, and you remember Soobin’s laugh in the safehouse kitchen. The way he always made sure you ate something, even when you were too caught up in work. The way he smiled like he didn’t belong in this world, like he was born for something softer, but he chose this. Chose you, and now he's gone. Taken. Probably tortured, maybe worse.

Friday morning, you open the vault. Pull out the black case no one’s seen in months. The one with the custom-made Glock, etched with your mark. You strap it to your side like a second skin, then tie your hair back with steady fingers. Jay says nothing when you pass him by. He just nods once, knows what this means. Heeseung sits on the couch, still stitched up, eyes hollow. You stop in front of him, crouch down to his level.

You press your forehead against his for half a second. “You did good. Rest now.”

He squeezes your hand, weak but alive. Then you stand. And for the first time in a long time, you feel it again—the burn in your chest, the ice in your spine. The part of you that built all of this from nothing. The part of you they call Ghost Queen like a prayer or a warning. You don’t wait for vengeance, you bring it.

You don’t say much on the drive there. Beomgyu’s hands are steady on the wheel, the engine humming under your feet like something alive. Jay sits beside you in the backseat, silent, but his eyes flick to yours every now and then, reading the mood. He knows, they both do. You’re not going in to play tonight.

The car turns onto a narrow street lit by red neon and the low buzz of cheap pop music leaking through walls. There’s no name on the building, just a flickering sign shaped like a crown, bent at the edges. Everyone in the city knows what it is. One of the quieter spots owned by Choi Yeonjun’s empire. A place where people talk when they’re not supposed to. A place that only exists because Yeonjun wants it to. You know it’s not a front, but it’s a center. Information moves through this place like blood. And tonight, you’re here to bleed it dry.

Beomgyu kills the engine. You step out of the car, heels hitting the ground like a rhythm no one dares interrupt. You’re dressed like you mean it—tailored black, gold at your wrists, your presence sharper than the weapons you keep hidden. Your eyes lined dark, mouth cold and still. You don’t wear your name on your face, but it clings to you anyway. And people turn to look, they always do.

Jay walks to the bouncer first. The guy’s thick, tattooed, wired on something too cheap to be clean. He squints at the three of you like he’s trying to put the puzzle together. But before he opens his mouth, Jay leans in and says one word, a password. You don’t know how he got it, but you trust him with this.

The bouncer stiffens, then he steps aside. You walk through it like you’ve been here before—which you haven’t, not like this. Not as yourself. You’ve sent people and you’ve heard stories. But this is you, in person, in full view.

And it doesn’t take long. You step into the main lounge, the music drops, low bass humming under the floor. Laughter dies in someone’s throat, glass clinks against tile, and then silence. You don’t have to say who you are, you’re not wearing a name tag. But Jay and Beomgyu are flanking you like twin wolves, and their faces are too well known to mistake. Ghost Queen never shows her face. But if they’re here like this—shoulders squared, eyes sharp—then everyone knows exactly who you must be.

In the far corner of the room, someone’s already moving. Calm, fast, precise. You spot him instantly—Kang Taehyun, right-hand to Yeonjun. He’s not dressed for war, but he’s always ready. His eyes land on you, then Jay, then Beomgyu. You can see the calculations spinning in his head, and then he moves. Not toward you, but toward the bar. With one sharp wave of his hand, he clears the place. Quietly, efficiently, like pulling a fire alarm with no fire. The girls disappear first, then the customers, then the staff. Soon, it’s just you, and Taehyun, and your two.

You step forward, slow and deliberate, until you’re standing just inside the circle of light that frames the empty dance floor. The music shuts off completely. You watch Taehyun’s posture shift, guarded, still polite, but alert. Always alert.

He speaks first. “Well,” he says, voice low and calm. “Didn’t think you’d ever step out of the shadows.”

You tilt your head. Don’t smile. “I thought you might appreciate a house call,” you answer. “Seeing as your boss likes sending threats through back channels.”

Jay doesn’t blink. Beomgyu rolls his shoulder, one hand casually near his waist, close to the blade you know is strapped under his jacket. Taehyun smiles, just a little, not kind. “He didn’t know who he was threatening,” he says.

“Neither do you,” you reply.

And for a second, just one heartbeat, the room feels like it’s holding its breath. You let the silence stretch. Let it cut. You’re not here to bluff. You’re not here to talk things through. You’re here to make sure they know what’s coming if this war keeps building. And Taehyun, smart as he is, knows that too, so he doesn’t speak again.

You take another step forward. “They took one of mine,” you say, voice low but steady. “I want him back.”

There’s a flicker in his expression, barely there. “You’re assuming we have him.”

You tilt your head. “You think I’d come here without knowing?”

Taehyun’s gaze narrows. “Even if you know where he is… what makes you so sure we’re the ones holding him?”

You smile, sharp and humorless. “Because he wouldn’t have gone down easy. And because whatever game you’re playing with these intercepted shipments, it’s gotten messy. Sloppy. And I know Yeonjun doesn’t like messy.”  Taehyun’s silence drags out a little too long. You sigh. “I’m not here to talk circles with lieutenants. If I came here in person,” you say, voice colder now, “you should know I came to talk to your boss too.”

Beomgyu finally breaks. “Are you sure about that?” His voice is low, close to your ear, but loud enough to carry. You glance at him, and it’s not even a smile this time, just a look, calm and certain. 

“I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”

That’s when the air shifts. The lights don’t change, but everything else does. A shadow unsticks itself from the far corner of the room, like it had been there all along. Leaning, watching and waiting.

Choi Yeonjun steps into the light like a punchline you should’ve seen coming.

He’s wearing all black, something tailored and expensive, hands in his pockets, and a smirk tugging at his mouth like he’s been entertained for hours. His eyes settle on you instantly, curious, sharp, and already amused. “Well,” he drawls, voice smooth, deep, familiar in a way that makes your spine lock. “If I’d known you were gonna show up looking like that, I would’ve cleaned the place up a little.”

You don’t flinch, you don’t blink. “Yeonjun.”

He raises an eyebrow. “You know my name. I’m flattered.”

You arch an eyebrow back. “You should be.”

Beomgyu takes a step closer, but you raise your hand again. Yeonjun’s eyes flick over him, then Jay, then land back on you with an edge of something darker. “So,” he says, voice lazy like a slow burn. “You want your boy back.”

“I do.”

“And you’re sure I have him.”

“I’m sure someone in your chain does. And if he’s not back by the end of the week, I’ll tear your operations down brick by brick until I find him.”

Yeonjun smiles wider, slow and amused, like you just told him a joke he wants to hear again. “Fight so dirty,” he says, almost a whisper, “but you love so sweet.”

Your blood goes still. It’s not the words, it’s the way he says them. Like he knows something he shouldn't, like he remembers something he can't place. Like he’s talking to the stranger you used to be. So you meet his eyes, hard. “You have no idea who you’re talking to.”

He studies you for a long beat. Then he shrugs, the smirk still curling at his mouth like it’s carved there. “Maybe not. Or maybe I do, and you just don’t want me to.”

Your jaw tightens, but your face stays still. This is what he does, gets under skin, lingers where he’s not welcome. “Get him back to me,” you say. “Unharmed.”

Yeonjun tilts his head slowly, his eyes dragging over you like he’s trying to peel something back. “You know,” he says, voice smooth, laced with amusement, “I thought it was kind of cute. You, playing dress-up at that gas station. Hiding behind a hoodie like you were just some bored girl with a job to do.” His gaze sharpens. “But I’m not stupid. That face... it’s too familiar.” You say nothing, let him keep talking. His smile widens, all sharp teeth. “You ever work here before? Place like this? You’ve got the look. Maybe you were one of the girls. Back in the day. I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Beomgyu steps again, this time, sharper, but you lift a hand and stop him without even looking. One slight move, and he stills, but the anger radiating off of him is palpable.

Yeonjun laughs, low and cruel. “You should keep your dog on a tighter leash.” He looks Beomgyu dead in the eye, then flicks his gaze back to you. “Lucky guy. Not everyone gets to have someone so beautiful and so... bossy.”

You tilt your head, slow, unimpressed. “I didn’t come here to listen to you flirt badly.”

He smirks. “I’m just saying, I like to know who I’m dealing with. And you’ve got secrets, sweetheart. Big ones.” His tone drops into something darker. “Like how you knew we had your guy.”

“I want him back,” you say, firm. “I don’t care who took him. If he’s in your territory, he’s your responsibility.”

Yeonjun shrugs. “Unfortunately, wasn’t me. I’ve got no reason to touch your people. Unless, of course, you’re working with the cops. Then we’ve got bigger problems.”

You blink once. “I’m not working with the fucking cops.”

He raises both eyebrows, mocking. “Could’ve fooled me. They’ve been intercepting my shipments. Getting real cozy with someone, and it sure as hell ain’t me.”

“I was going to say the same thing about you,” you snap, stepping forward. “Maybe you should look in the mirror before pointing fingers. You’re the one making deals with Kang Minjae. You think I don’t know?”

His smile falters just a fraction, but it’s there, and you catch it. The briefest glitch in his mask. “You’re bluffing,” he says, but there’s less certainty behind it now.

“So are you,” you fire back. “And here we are.”

Silence stretches between you like wire, razor-thin and ready to snap. The whole place feels tighter, tense. Taehyun is on edge, Beomgyu is burning beside you, and Jay’s eyes haven’t left Yeonjun once. But it’s just you and him in this moment. Two predators playing at civility.

“Talk so pretty,” he murmurs, lips curving slow. “But your heart got teeth.”

You stare at him, eyes cold. He still doesn’t know who you are. But he’s close, too close. And you can feel your past creeping in, inch by inch, on the heels of a boy with red hair and a scar you gave him.

Yeonjun exhales slowly, eyes flicking to your mouth, then back up to meet your gaze. “Well,” he drawls, almost bored, “unless this is just your very dramatic way of asking me out, I’m starting to think we’ve got a problem, sweetheart.”

Beomgyu scoffs under his breath, mutters something you catch just barely—“prick”—but you shut it down with a look.

Yeonjun doesn’t even glance his way, his entire focus is on you. “See, here’s the thing,” he goes on, voice low and almost amused, “I thought you were just fucking with me. And maybe you still are. But there’s one tiny detail I keep coming back to.” He leans forward just a bit, elbows resting on his knees. “My shipments are going missing. Yours are too. That doesn’t sound like a coincidence to me.”

You don’t blink. “No. It doesn’t.”

“So either one of us is a very good liar,” he tilts his head, mock-thoughtful, “or we’ve got an enemy in common.”

Beomgyu shifts beside you, stiff. “You expect us to believe you’re not behind it?”

Yeonjun finally glances his way, lip curling slightly. “I expect you to shut up when the grown-ups are talking.” Beomgyu starts forward, but your hand lands on his chest, firm and contained. You shake your head once, and he steps back, jaw tight. “Cute,” Yeonjun murmurs. “Protective. You trained him well.”

You take a slow breath and turn to him fully. “We need to talk.”

“Aren’t we already?”

“Alone.”

He lifts a brow, clearly amused. “Wow. So forward.”

Taehyun looks at you, then Yeonjun, then you again. “Boss?”

Yeonjun shrugs, standing. “Why not? Let’s see what the queen has to say when she’s not hiding behind her princes.”

Beomgyu steps in immediately. “Gyu,” you say, calm but sharp. “Wait here. If I scream, kill everyone.”

That gets a reluctant laugh from Jay. “Subtle as always.”

You follow Yeonjun down a narrow hallway that leads to a private back room. He walks slowly, shoulders loose, like nothing in the world could touch him. Like he owns the floor and the city beneath it. You wonder, as you follow, how many people he’s fooled with that walk. You wonder how many more he’ll fool before someone finally gets to him.

He holds the door open for you, exaggerated and mocking. “After you, Your Highness.”

You brush past him with your chin high, and he shuts the door behind you. The room is dim, velvet-draped, stinking of expensive liquor and older secrets. You stand in the center and he leans on the edge of the table, arms folded, watching.

“So,” he says, that smirk never quite leaving his face, “what’s this? A truce? A confession?”

You cross your arms. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Too late.”

You sigh, tired already. “Look. I don’t trust you. You don’t trust me. But if you’re telling the truth—if you’re really not behind this—then someone’s running both of us in circles.”

“And you think pillow talk’s gonna fix it?”

You step closer, tone steady. “I think two people with a common enemy have two choices. Work together, or let the enemy win.”

He laughs. “Work together?” he echoes. “That’s rich. Tell me, sweetheart, how do I team up with someone who won’t even tell me her name?” You don’t answer, not yet. He watches you, eyes narrowing, like he’s trying to draw your outline in his mind. Then: “I know I’ve seen you before,” he says quietly. “Not just the gas station. Somewhere else.” You lift your chin and he studies your face. Silence lingers a little too long, and then his voice cuts through it. “You’ve got a war in you,” he says, slowly. “And I’m starting to think I like it.”

You almost smile. Almost, but not for him. Instead, you say, “If I’m here, it’s because someone I love is missing. And if I find out you had anything to do with that—”

Yeonjun cuts in, voice low and wry. “You’ll burn my empire to the ground? Sounds exhausting.” He tilts his head. “How about we skip the empty threats and you just tell me the truth.” Your expression doesn’t shift. He takes a step closer, close enough that you can feel the smugness radiating off of him. “I’ll help you,” he says, voice casual, almost bored. “I’ll find out who took your boy and who’s fucking with our shipments.”

You narrow your eyes. “And what’s the catch?”

Yeonjun’s smile sharpens. “Tell me how we know each other.”

“We don’t.”

“Wrong answer.” He clicks his tongue. “Come on. You recognized me at the gas station. You came straight up to me wearing that little worker costume like you were playing a part. But you knew exactly who I was.”

You scoff, folding your arms. “The red hair, the expensive car, the scar. People talk.”

His eyes narrow, and he doesn’t believe you, not really. But he doesn’t push yet. “Hm,” he hums. “Yeah, people do talk. That’s the problem.” His gaze drifts over your face again, lingering. There’s something behind it now, not just arrogance. “You look like her, you know.” You stay still, too still. He keeps going, voice lower now. “The one who gave me this.” He gestures lightly to the scar slicing through the skin just above his left eye. “Never saw her coming. But when I did—she smiled. Just like you did. That kind of smile sticks.”

Your mouth is dry. “Sounds like she was smart.”

He tilts his head. “She was. Dead, though.” He shrugs, mock regretful. “Shame. She was pretty. Kinda looked like you.”

You shrug too, cool and detached. “Pretty girls die every day.”

“Mm,” he smirks. “True. But they don’t all pull blades on me and vanish.” You hold his stare. Let the weight of it settle between you. If he knows, he’s playing a long game, but you’ve been playing longer.

“Do we have a deal or not?” you ask.

He licks his bottom lip, just briefly. “I’ll help,” he says finally. “We both want the same thing. Whoever’s behind this is making a fool out of both of us. And I don’t like being made a fool.”

“Neither do I.”

“So,” he says, pushing off the table, standing to his full height, “you’ll give me updates, and I’ll give you mine. We trace the leaks. We find your boy. We kill whoever’s responsible.” You nod, slow. “Temporary alliance,” he adds. “Don’t get clingy.”

You almost laugh at that. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

Yeonjun grins again, dark and satisfied. “You’re really not gonna tell me your name?”

You lean in close, just enough that your lips almost brush his ear. “Would ruin the mystery, wouldn’t it?”

And with that, you turn and walk out, leaving him standing there, half-sure he just made a deal with the devil. And maybe a little intrigued by the fire still burning behind your eyes.

Jay and Beomgyu are standing where you left them with shoulders tense, gazes sharp, like they’ve been waiting for a gunshot. You don’t have to say much, you never do. Your heels click softly across the velvet floor, past flashing lights. You stop only when you’re close enough for them to hear you without raising your voice. “Let’s get out of here,” you say, smooth and low. 

Jay doesn’t say a word, just nods once. Beomgyu exhales like he’s been holding his breath since the moment you walked in. As you reach the main doors, pushing past the heavy curtains, the air changing from incense and heat to something colder, Yeonjun’s voice calls out from across the club.

“Your Highness!”

You don’t flinch, but you stop. When you turn, he’s leaning lazily against the far wall, arms crossed like he’s got all the time in the world. Lit from behind, half in shadow. “Taehyun’ll be your point of contact,” he says, like it’s a gift. “He’s good with updates. Polite, too. I’m sure your boys will love him.” You raise an eyebrow, unimpressed. He adds, “Try not to miss me too much.”

You don’t dignify that with a response. Just turn on your heel, long coat brushing your calves, and disappear into the dark.

The next few days move slow. Taehyun reaches out first. He’s cold and precise, just like Yeonjun promised. Every message comes through clean, encrypted. You assign Jay to keep the line open, Beomgyu to cross-check everything with your own intel. Heeseung handles the shadows, the street-level whispers, what people don’t say out loud.

There’s a name that keeps surfacing: Kang Minjae. You already had your suspicions, but now the links are undeniable. Minjae’s been moving like a roach in the walls, playing every side that lets him breathe a little longer. Yeonjun’s people confirm he’s got connections in the militia, and that he’s been sniffing around routes that were meant to stay quiet. Some of the evidence leads to areas only your own crew had access to — which means the leak might be internal. That truth burns worse than anything else.

You’re careful, never in the same place twice. Your face remains out of sight, your name still a whisper wrapped in fear. But inside your core, something's cracking. Soobin is still missing. His trail is faint, but not cold. Some surveillance footage caught a convoy passing through a border checkpoint under fake credentials, days after he vanished. The timestamp lines up with the night you lost him. Jay triangulates the route. Heeseung maps it. It points to a facility miles outside the city — nothing official, but everyone knows who controls it.

Militia. And you know who’s protecting them.

So you wait. You sharpen your knives in silence. Every meeting with your crew is sharper, tighter, more desperate. You sleep less, smoke more. And every time an update comes in from Taehyun, you read between the lines, looking for Yeonjun’s voice in the spaces where it shouldn’t be. He stays quiet. You’re not sure if that’s good or bad, but you’re sure of one thing: this isn’t over, not even close.

It’s a Tuesday. You head to one of your quieter spots, a laundromat tucked behind a strip of closed-down shops, one of your smaller fronts. No one’s supposed to be there but your crew. You’re not there for show, you’re there for air. Heeseung walks a step behind you, always watching. You push through the metal door, let it clang shut behind you, and immediately feel that slight shift in energy. Someone’s sitting on one of the folding tables near the back, legs swinging lazily, fingers drumming on the edge.

You know that face. Hueningkai. He shouldn’t be here.

Heeseung stiffens behind you before you can even whisper. Your body moves before your mind does, in casual steps, but the kind that keep your right hand free. Kai’s head lifts when he sees you, and he smiles. Bright, almost naive. “Didn’t know this place was open to the public again,” he says, voice all sunshine and breathy charm. He looks between you and Heeseung like you might be siblings, or hired help. “Nice jacket.”

You lean back against a dryer. Calm, but your pulse is sprinting. He doesn’t know you, not yet. But you know him, you’ve read his file. The boy with the baby face and the mind like a minefield. He works for Yeonjun. Keeps his hands clean, his lips looser than they should be. He plays dumb, but he isn’t.

You don’t answer him. Instead, you tilt your head toward Heeseung, eyes sharp. Handle it.

Heeseung steps forward. “What are you doing here?”

Kai shrugs. “Waiting for someone, I guess.”

“Someone sent you?”

“Kind of. We’re looking into something. One of Minjae’s old associates might’ve used this building a few weeks ago. It’s near the harbor.”

Your breath catches, because the harbor is too close, too damn close to where Soobin’s trail last pinged. If they think there’s a hideout nearby—you cut your own thought off. Your eyes snap back to Kai, who’s now looking at you more closely. Heeseung’s moved into a partial block, but it doesn’t matter. You can feel the recognition click behind Kai’s irises like a switch flipped without permission. His smile fades.

“Wait,” he says, eyes narrowing. “You’re her.” Heeseung shifts, ready. Kai doesn’t move, but something in his whole posture turns glassy. “The Ghost Queen,” he murmurs. “Huh. You’re prettier than they said.”

You want to ask who said what, but you don’t. You’re too busy trying not to tip into a panic. Soobin. If Kai’s here, if he knows this spot’s hot, how long before they relocate Soobin? Or worse?

You step forward. “How close is the location?”

Kai blinks at you. “Close enough that you being here just set off some very loud alarms.” His smile returns, but it’s hollow now. All teeth, no warmth. 

You swallow hard. Rage pressing tight behind your ribs. You glance at Heeseung — you could go. You could move now, you could flip the building upside down, if Soobin’s that close. 

“You really shouldn’t let your emotions make your calls for you,” he adds gently, like he’s offering advice. “Someone could use that.” You should answer him. But then Kai reaches for his phone, calm and polite, and you don’t stop him. He dials fast, brings the phone to his ear with a sweet little hum. 

“Hey,” he says into the receiver. “It’s me. Yeah, no — I’m fine. But she’s here.” There’s a pause. His eyes stay on yours the whole time. “She’s nervous,” he says. “Like, the bad kind of nervous.” Another pause. Then: “No, no. She hasn’t done anything. But she might move before she should.”

He hangs up without waiting for a goodbye. Your throat is dry and your fists ache from clenching. Kai slides off the table and stretches like he’s just woken up from a nap. “Anyway,” he says brightly, “you should probably clear this place out. I’d hate for things to get messy again.”

Then he waves, cheerful and friendly. Insane. And walks out like he owns the air. Heeseung watches the door for a full minute after it closes, and you’re shaking slightly. Not from fear, from fury and desperation. From the suffocating ache of knowing that Soobin could be so close and you’re still one step behind. You exhale. 

“Heeseung, call Beomgyu. Jay. Everyone. Now.”

You’re already moving. Your voice comes out sharp, controlled, but barely. Your heart’s not in your chest anymore, it’s somewhere else, screaming. You shove open the back door of the laundromat and suck in air like you’ve been drowning. Heeseung’s at your side in an instant, grabbing your wrist. “You can’t just storm into this,” he says. “You’re not thinking—”

“I am thinking,” you snap. “I’m thinking that Soobin’s still alive. And if I waste another minute twiddling my fucking thumbs, he won’t be.” Your chest heaves. “He’s not just crew, Heeseung,” you whisper. “He’s family. He’s mine. If they kill him just to send me a message—” You cut yourself off, jaw tight. “I can’t live with that.”

Heeseung hesitates. He wants to fight you on it, but he sees your eyes. The shaking in your hands. The fear twisting beneath all your armor. “I’ll call them,” he says finally. “But if you’re wrong—”

“I’m not.”

He doesn’t argue again. You pace like a storm while he makes the calls, and twenty minutes later, you’re piling into two black SUVs with Beomgyu, Jay, Heeseung, Yunjin and three others you trust with your life. Nobody talks much. There’s no plan, just a location and a name and too many emotions to fit inside one car.

Beomgyu drives like he’s got something to prove. You’re in the front seat, fingers twitching in your lap. The closer you get, the more it feels like your skin’s turning inside out. “Are we sure this is it?” Jay asks from the back. “No chance it’s bait?”

“It’s always bait,” you say. “But sometimes the mouse still has to bite.”

The harbor comes into view, with containers stacked in quiet patterns, dim lights humming, the water black and endless. Beomgyu slows down before turning in, park just behind a half-burned warehouse a few blocks from the drop point. Everyone starts checking weapons. You don’t even glance at yours, it’s second nature by now. What you do look at, though, is the sleek black car that turns the corner right as you do. Expensive. You don’t need to see the plates because you know exactly who it is.

Beomgyu sees it too and his mouth twists. “Are you fucking kidding me.”

You stare as the engine cuts. The car door opens, and Yeonjun steps out like a goddamn ghost from a fire. Hair tied back, long coat, no urgency in his bones — just that unbearable swagger that you want to tear off his face, again. You exhale through your teeth. Beomgyu mutters something violent under his breath, already half-reaching for his gun. You stop him with a look.

“We might need him,” you say.

“Yeah? Or maybe he’s just here to gloat when they drag Soobin’s body out of the water.”

“Either way,” you say coldly, “we’re finding out.”

Heeseung joins you as you step out of the car. “You still wanna go in with no plan?”

You glance at the harbor, the shadows waiting inside it, then at Yeonjun, who’s now leaning against his car like he’s posing for a magazine cover. “No plan’s ever survived the first bullet,” you mutter. “Let’s move.”

And you do, straight into the lion’s den. You and your team stand near a stack of containers, weapons visible, eyes sharp. Five figures emerge from the far side, shadows peeling off the darkness like it’s nothing. Taehyun walks first, with Hueningkai at his side, bouncing slightly on his heels. Behind them, Chaewon moves like a ghost, quiet and deadly. Sunghoon stalks a few steps behind, all tension and watchfulness. And then, at the center of it all — Yeonjun.

He moves like he owns the ground beneath him, like the night shifts to make space for him. Of course he would show up with a team like that. He stops a few feet from you. No gun drawn. Just that infuriating smirk pulling at his mouth.

“I should’ve known you’d beat me here,” he says, voice low and amused. “But damn. No plan? No scout? Just vibes?”

Beomgyu growls beside you, but soon he steps back with a glare, jaw tight. You turn to Yeonjun. “I don’t have time to wait. Soobin’s in there. I can feel it.”

Yeonjun tilts his head, studying you with those sharp, calculating eyes. “And what? You were gonna run in, guns blazing, and hope for the best?” You don’t answer. He chuckles — soft, infuriating. “You’re being reckless.”

“I’m being desperate,” you say. “And I don’t have the luxury of pretending otherwise.”

That makes something shift in his expression. The smirk falters for a breath, then curves back up, softer this time. “You care about him,” he says. “That’s cute.”

“Don’t patronize me.”

“I’m not,” he replies, surprisingly sincere. “I think it’s admirable. The way you fight for your people.” You say nothing. Yeonjun glances toward the maze of containers behind you all. “I know this place. Minjae used to run small trades out of here — weapons, mostly. Smuggled in, offloaded straight into trucks by the south gate.”

“Does he still use it?” Jay asks, stepping forward.

Yeonjun nods. “Sometimes. When he doesn’t want attention. He’s got a room near the waterline. Old office converted into a holding space. I’d bet money that’s where he’s keeping your guy.”

“What else?” you ask. “You don’t come here without more than a guess.”

Yeonjun flashes a grin. “You wound me.”

Taehyun sighs beside him. “There’s always at least three lookouts. Usually on the cranes, plus one by the west exit. If they spot us, they’ll burn whatever evidence they’ve got. People included.”

Your stomach clenches. Heeseung steps up beside you. “So what do we do?”

Yeonjun exchanges glances with his team, then he looks back at you. “We go in quiet. I’ll send Taehyun and Sunghoon up the cranes, take out the eyes. If we’re lucky, we’ve got five minutes before someone inside realizes we’re here.”

“And if we’re not lucky?” Beomgyu asks.

Yeonjun smiles. “Then it’s a bloodbath. But hey—” he looks at you, all charm and teeth “—at least we’ll get matching scars.” You glare at him. Yeonjun’s eyes slide back to yours, glinting with something that feels like amusement laced in real calculation. “We don’t have time to execute anything fancy. But I’ll make you a deal.”

You arch a brow. “This should be good.”

He smiles, slow and smug. “We go in together. Just the two of us. No noise. If we run into someone, we say we’re here to negotiate.”

Beomgyu steps in immediately, tension rolling off him. “No fucking way.”

“You trust him?” Jay asks you quietly.

You look over your shoulder. Everyone’s waiting on you. “No,” you admit. “But I trust that he doesn’t want to die tonight either.”

Beomgyu looks at you like he wants to argue more, but he knows better. His jaw ticks. “You sure about this?”

You nod. “It’s fine.”

“I’ll be right behind you,” he says. Not a threat, but a promise.

Then you turn to Yeonjun, who grins like this is a game he’s already winning. “Let’s go,” you say. You and Yeonjun move through the outer edge of the harbor in silence, sticking close to the rows of containers. The metal is cold against your back every time you press into the shadows. You keep your pistol tight in your grip, the weight grounding. 

Yeonjun glances down at it, amused. “You don’t strike me as someone who handles her own mess.”

You don’t look at him. “That’s because I never had to appear in person. Until now.”

He lets out a low chuckle. “Right. Ghost queen. Rarely seen, always whispered about. Real dramatic branding.”

You side-eye him. “You’re just jealous no one whispers about you. Only bitches.”

That makes him smirk. “Bold words for someone walking into a lion’s den with me.”

“I’m not afraid of lions.”

He hums, ducking beneath a rusted staircase, motioning for you to follow. You do, close enough to feel the heat off his body, but not close enough to lose your head. “Funny,” he says, leaning into the next bit of cover, “you never gave me the vibe of someone who’s reckless for people.”

“And you never gave me the vibe of someone who thinks before speaking.”

Yeonjun turns slightly, facing you under the shadow of the catwalk. “I think a lot of things. Especially when you’re around.”

You roll your eyes, scanning the area. “Focus.”

“I am,” he says, voice dropping low. “Laser sharp. Just distracted by the company.”

You adjust your grip on the pistol. “Don’t forget why we’re here.”

“Right. Your guy. Soobin.” He squints toward a building near the edge of the water. “If Minjae’s keeping anyone, it’ll be in that one. Windows are blacked out. No patrols near it.”

You glance toward it too. “We get closer. Quietly. Check it first.”

He starts forward again, and you follow. His hand brushes yours at one point — maybe by accident, maybe not. You don’t pull away, you keep moving. As you creep past an open bay, he says, almost casually, “You really would’ve killed me the other night if I’d been involved.”

“No hesitation,” you answer.

“That’s hot.”

You stop and glance at him, deadpan. “Seriously?”

“What? I like a woman who threatens me with conviction.”

You almost laugh. But instead, you focus ahead, heart pounding a little too fast for comfort. The door to the building is twenty feet away. The only thing standing between you and Soobin might be whatever trap Minjae left behind, or nothing at all. But either way, you’re not walking away until you know.

And then a sudden voice breaks the silence, too close, echoing faintly between the steel containers stacked around the edge of the dock. “Shit,” you whisper, grabbing Yeonjun by the arm and pulling him back fast. He doesn’t fight you, doesn’t speak either, he just follows.

You both slide behind a rusted container, low to the ground, barely a foot between you. The voices grow clearer. Two men, laughing about something. Footsteps scraping against the concrete. Yeonjun presses close, chest against your shoulder as you crouch beside him. His breath hits your jaw. The scent of him—something clean and expensive—wraps around you like smoke. Your pistol is still firm in your hand, the safety already off. His fingers graze the small of your back as he shifts just slightly to look around the edge. Too close. Too fucking close.

Your eyes catch on the faint silver scar above his eyebrow, half-faded now, but still familiar. You left it there. You remember the way his skin broke open, how red his face had been after. Yeonjun catches your staring.

“What?” he murmurs, voice low and rough. “You like my face that much?” You don’t answer, and his eyes narrow. The corner of his mouth lifts, sharp. “If I didn’t know she died… I’d say you look just like the girl who gave me this.” You stiffen, he sees it. “You even look at me the same way,” he continues, voice a little too soft now. “Like you’re already planning where you’ll leave the next one.” Still, you say nothing. His eyes flick down to your mouth, then back up. “Interesting.”

“Back off,” you mutter, but you don’t move. Can’t. The space is too tight. The air’s too charged.

He leans in instead, just slightly, close enough for his words to press against your ear. “It’d be poetic, wouldn’t it? If the girl who carved my face turned out to be the one I keep thinking about every time I get bored at night.”

You shoot him a glare. “You’re disgusting.”

The voices outside fade, footsteps drifting elsewhere. But neither of you moves. His hand finds your waist, steady, possessive. 

“You hate me,” he says.

“More than anything.”

“Then why are you looking at me like you want me to kiss you?”

You scoff. “You wish.”

He leans in, lips barely brushing your cheek as he speaks. “I don’t wish. I get.”

There’s a fire in your chest. Not soft, not romantic. Not even something you’d name. It’s sharp and twisted and dangerous. The kind of tension you don’t survive if you indulge. You push him back — just enough to breathe. “We’re not here for this.” He doesn’t fight you, but he smiles like he knows something you don’t. “We’re here for Soobin,” you snap. “Focus.”

His gaze lingers on you a second longer. Then he nods, finally looking away. “Right,” he murmurs. “Let’s go find your boy.”

But even as he turns, you feel his eyes still on you, even when they’re not. Like he’s still working out the puzzle, and like he already knows the answer.

The door creaks as you and Yeonjun slip inside the warehouse. It smells like rust and oil, stale water and something older. The air is thick with the kind of silence that doesn’t sit right. Every step echoes a little too loud. You move slow, pistol raised. Yeonjun does the same, behind you. Your breath catches. Something shifts.

And then—

“Drop your weapons.”

Two clicks. Cold steel against both your temples. Fuck.

You don’t see them, but you feel them, the men behind you. You and Yeonjun exchange a glance, and with a slow, calculated movement, you both lower your guns to the ground. Boots scrape across the concrete. A shadow moves forward from the far end of the warehouse. Minjae.

He steps into the flickering light above, dressed in black, expression dark with something dangerous. “I expected more from you,” Minjae says, eyes fixed on Yeonjun. “Showing up here with company.”

Yeonjun lifts his brows, casual as ever, like he isn’t surrounded by armed men. “Relax. I came to talk. Thought we could work something out. You know, just… friendly business.”

Minjae doesn’t smile. “Who is that?”

Then Yeonjun shrugs. “My girl.”

You don’t flinch, you don’t even blink. The lie slides off him easily. There’s a beat of silence. Minjae’s eyes shift to you, cold and calculating. “I know why you’re really here,” he says. You stay silent. Let him keep talking, and he steps closer. “He’s Ghost Queen’s, isn’t he?”

Yeonjun gives a short, forced laugh. “You think I’m dumb enough to come here for her people? Come on. I don’t work with her.”

“Don’t lie to me,” Minjae snaps. “You think I don’t know what you’re doing? That I wouldn’t find out?”

He signals to his men. A moment later, you feel rough hands wrench your wrists behind your back. Zip ties cut into your skin. Yeonjun resists for half a second before giving in with a bitter smile. “No need for the theatrics,” he mutters. “You could’ve just asked nicely.”

“Shut up,” one of the guards snaps, forcing him to his knees.

Minjae looks down at the both of you, satisfied. “You didn’t come here to talk. You came to find him.” Your jaw tightens. “I knew someone would come looking. I just didn’t think it’d be you. And certainly not with company.” His eyes scan your face again. “She’s too pretty for this life, don’t you think?”

Yeonjun’s smirk returns. “I like pretty things.”

Minjae crouches, eye level with you now. “Tell me, sweetheart. What’s your name?”

You don’t answer, but Yeonjun does. “She doesn’t need one.”

Minjae laughs. “Of course she doesn’t.” He stands. Pacing, thinking. Then he turns to one of his men. “Lock them up. Separately.”

Yeonjun tenses beside you. “That’s not necessary.”

Minjae smirks. “Oh, I think it is. Let’s see how long the Ghost Queen’s new pet lasts without his little gun.”

You clench your fists, biting back every instinct to fight. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not like this. But now you’re in Minjae’s hands, and whatever game he’s playing — it just got personal.

The room they put you in is small, metallic, no windows. Bare walls, one buzzing fluorescent light that flickers above you like it’s mocking your silence. It smells like mold and blood. You’ve been in worse places, but not many. You don’t know how long you sit there, could be minutes, could be hours. Then the door groans open and a guard steps in with rough hands, cold grip, and he yanks you up without a word and drags you down a narrow corridor.

You’re shoved into a larger space with a concrete floor. A single chair bolted to the ground. Your wrists are still zip-tied. A second later, they shove you down onto the chair and bind your ankles. And that’s when you see Yeonjun again, across the room, tied up to a pipe against the far wall. His head is tilted slightly down, a thin line of blood trickling from his mouth. His shirt is ripped at the shoulder, his face bruised, but his eyes don’t leave you. He looks at you like he never stopped.

Then the door creaks again, and Minjae walks in. He looks completely at ease, smug even, his black boots echoing off the concrete. “Well, well,” he says, circling you like a hawk. “Yeonjun’s girlfriend. I’ve been dying to meet you.” You glare up at him, jaw locked. He smirks, stopping right in front of you. “Can’t lie. I get it. Sharp mouth. Killer stare. I’d probably throw a few alliances in the trash for you too.”

“Choke on it,” you mutter.

Behind him, Yeonjun shifts slightly in his restraints. Minjae crouches in front of you. “Tell me, how long have you two been shacked up? Does he cook breakfast? Call you sweetheart? Or is it all bullets and blackout sex?”

You roll your eyes. “Go to hell.”

“Touchy,” he says, and then, click. A blade appears in his hand. Small, curved. Clean, at least for now. “Thing is,” Minjae says, voice light and casual, “you’re lying to me. I can feel it. And I don’t like being lied to.”

You keep your expression neutral, but your pulse spikes as the cold flat of the blade presses against your cheek. You don’t flinch, you refuse. “Maybe you’d look better with a scar. Right here.” He taps the tip against your cheekbone. “Something to match your boyfriend’s. Wouldn’t that be poetic?”

“Get that fucking thing away from her.”

Yeonjun’s voice slashes through the air. Low, furious and dangerous.

Minjae stills. Turns his head slowly, eyebrow raised. “What was that?”

Yeonjun grits his teeth, jaw tight. “I said—get it away from her.”

The room falls quiet. Even you are surprised, but you still freeze, heart hammering.

Minjae’s smirk wavers. He straightens up, turning to face Yeonjun. “Interesting. You didn’t seem this protective when you walked in here like an idiot.”

Yeonjun breathes hard, nostrils flaring. “You want the truth? Fine.” He lifts his head slowly, eyes on Minjae, but you know he’s talking to both of you. “I was intercepting the shipments. All of them. Yours. Hers. Everyone’s. For weeks.”

Your blood runs cold. Minjae’s whole face shifts. “You what?”

Yeonjun continues, voice steady. “At first, I was helping you hit Ghost Queen’s routes. You paid well. You gave me access. I knew her ports, her blind spots. So yeah—I made it easy for you.”

You feel like the floor shifts under you. Your blood runs cold.

Minjae raises a brow, amused. “Right. So what changed?”

Yeonjun’s jaw ticks. “I started losing my own shipments.” That wipes the smirk off Minjae’s face. “Big ones,” Yeonjun says. “Routes only you knew about. Timings only you had.” Minjae stiffens. “I thought maybe Ghost Queen had found out and was hitting me back. I figured it was retaliation. But it wasn’t her.” Yeonjun finally lifts his eyes. Not to Minjae, to you. “It was you.”

Minjae’s amusement snaps in half, replaced by something sharp. “So what, you came here to cry about it?”

“No,” Yeonjun says, voice cold. “I came to fix it. That’s why I turned to her.”

Minjae’s head tilts. “Who?”

Yeonjun murmurs. “Ghost Queen. We’re working together. She wants Soobin back.”

You flinch, just barely, but enough. And when Minjae glances at you, you plaster on the most confused, irritated face you can, like none of this makes sense, like you have no idea what they’re talking about. “Wait,” Minjae says slowly. “That little shit was with her crew?”

“Yeah,” Yeonjun says. “And you took him because you thought he was with me. My guys said he was snooping around your port. You assumed he was part of my team.”

Minjae runs a hand down his face, pacing once. “Fuck. Thought you sent him to steal my shipment.”

“I didn’t,” Yeonjun says. “You were already stealing from me. Why would I send someone into your nest without backup? I just didn’t stop you when you grabbed him—because I knew whose he really was.”

You blink hard, chest pounding. So he knew, he knew the whole time that Soobin was yours, that he worked for you, and he let Minjae take him anyway. Used it to his advantage, he let you panic, let you come running. So you stare at Yeonjun, heat crawling up your neck, your fists clenched in the zip ties until your fingers start to go numb. Rage is bubbling under your skin, sharp and hot, but you hold it down — because Minjae can’t know who you are. Not yet.

Minjae exhales harshly, scrubbing his hand over his face. “Jesus Christ. You two are a goddamn mess.”

No one speaks. He finally looks back at you, eyes narrowing like he’s reassessing everything. You force your expression blank, neutral, disinterested. Because Yeonjun may have just saved your cover, but he also sold you out. And now you owe him nothing.

Minjae’s boots echo as he crosses the room again, slower this time. You try not to shift in the chair, even as the plastic zip tie cuts into your wrists, even as the ache in your ankles pulses with every second. Then he’s in front of you, and the knife is back. He drags the flat of the blade along your shoulder, then up, slow, until the cold steel rests just under your chin, the sharp edge kissing the soft skin of your neck. You hold your breath.

Across the room, Yeonjun tenses so hard you swear the veins in his neck might snap. “Don’t,” he bites. “Minjae—”

But Minjae doesn’t look away from you. “You lied to me,” he says quietly. “You played me for a fool. I don’t like being made a fool, Yeonjun.”

Yeonjun swallows hard. “I gave you information. I did my part.”

Minjae presses the blade in just enough for you to feel the sting. “No, no. You sold me a story and sat back while I bled for it.” He finally turns to look at Yeonjun. “Now you owe me.”

Yeonjun breathes through his nose, jaw locked. “What do you want?”

Minjae doesn’t blink. “Who else is at the port?”

Yeonjun hesitates. Then: “Just us.”

Minjae’s smile is thin and humorless. “Funny. Because my guys saw someone else.” Your stomach drops. “Skinny little bastard. Long black hair. Looked like a rat cornered in a trap. He was hiding inside one of the containers. Now he’s out there, making a fucking mess.”

Your heart drops so hard it might crash through your ribs. Beomgyu. You force yourself not to react, not to blink, not to move, not to scream. 

The blade is too close, the stakes are too high. Minjae tilts his head, still looking at you, but now his voice is directed at Yeonjun. “You really gonna sit there and keep lying to me? When I just watched that kid shoot two of my men and crawl back into a crate like some street dog?”

Yeonjun doesn’t answer. His jaw clenches, teeth grinding so loud you can almost hear it. His fingers twist against the restraints on his wrists, blood already seeping around the plastic. Minjae lets out a long sigh through his nose. Then the knife shifts — not cutting, not yet — but pressing. Just enough for you to feel the weight of it against your pulse point, enough to make you swallow reflexively, and feel the sting.

Yeonjun’s voice is gravel. “Let her go.” Minjae raises an eyebrow. “She has nothing to do with the boy,” Yeonjun continues, voice tight, almost strangled. “She’s not part of this.”

Minjae chuckles dark and bitter. “No? You’re dragging her around like a trophy then?”

Yeonjun’s eyes flash. “I said let her go.”

Minjae doesn’t move. “You want the kid back?” he asks. Minjae smiles, all teeth and violence. “You want her to walk out of here with her face intact? You want me to call off the guys who are probably about to blow your little container rat’s head off?” He steps back finally, pulling the knife away from your neck slowly, like it’s reluctant to leave. He wipes it casually on your shoulder, like you’re nothing but a napkin, and turns to face Yeonjun properly. “Then give me something.”

Yeonjun lifts his head. “What do you want?”

Minjae’s expression hardens. “Territory.” Yeonjun doesn’t flinch, but you can see it hit him like a punch. “You’ve got a route down south,” Minjae continues, pacing now, loose and dangerous. “Quiet. Prime for expansion. I want it.”

“That wasn’t part of the deal,” Yeonjun growls.

Minjae shrugs. “Yeah, well, the deal changed when you lied to my face. When you helped the Ghost Queen behind my back. When you kept secrets.”

The words hang heavy in the air. You keep your expression neutral, though inside your blood is boiling. He knew, Yeonjun knew exactly who you were, and still played both sides. And now Beomgyu is out there, alone, likely cornered. Soobin is still missing. And your cover is hanging by a thread.

Yeonjun’s chest rises and falls with shallow, restrained breath. “You think you can just take a route from me?”

Minjae smirks. “I’m not asking. I’m offering you a trade. The kid for the route. Their life for peace. Simple math.”

Yeonjun’s jaw ticks as he breathes in slow through his nose, chest rising once, twice. You can see the calculations behind his eyes. His silence isn’t hesitation, it’s rage, controlled, deadly rage.

But Minjae mistakes it for weakness. He turns back to you without warning.

“No—”

Yeonjun’s voice is hoarse and sharp, but it’s too late. The blade slices across your cheek, clean and fast.

Pain blooms white-hot as your head jerks to the side, breath catching in your throat. The sting is immediate, followed by the slow warmth of blood slipping down your skin. It’s not deep, not fatal, but it’s a message. And Yeonjun receives it loud and clear, because he roars. A guttural sound tears out of his chest as he lunges forward against the restraints. His wrists strain, veins bulging, teeth bared like an animal ready to rip someone apart.

Minjae watches him, amused. “There it is,” he mutters, low. “That’s what I wanted to see.”

“You’re dead,” Yeonjun growls. “You’re fucking dead.”

Minjae raises the bloody blade, twirling it lazily in his hand. “Not if we make a deal.” Yeonjun freezes. “I want the southern route,” Minjae says again, calm now, like nothing just happened. “And I want access to one of the Ghost Queen’s ports. Not the main ones—something smaller. You can get it for me.”

Yeonjun’s eyes flick to you, your cheek slick with blood, your expression still and cold despite the pain. He doesn’t speak, but his silence this time means: yes.

Minjae grins. “There we go. Knew you had a rational side.”

Then he snaps his fingers, and two of his men appear instantly, grabbing you roughly by the arms. One of them mutters something about not getting blood on his jacket.

Yeonjun fights the bindings again. “Where are you taking her?”

“You’ll see,” Minjae replies, stepping aside. 

You don’t speak, and you don’t look at Yeonjun. You just let them drag you down a long, dim corridor. Every step makes your face throb, your jaw stiff from clenching. They push you through a rusted metal door and slam it shut behind you. And for a moment, all you can hear is your own ragged breathing. The metal room is dim and cold, reeking of rust and sweat, but you barely register any of it—because right in front of you, alive but wrecked, is Soobin.

Your knees hit the floor hard as you scramble toward him, your throat catching on a sound you hadn’t realized you were holding back. His name leaves your mouth like a prayer, like it means something more than just syllables. “Soobin—”

He lifts his head slowly, eyes half-swollen and glassy, but he smiles, barely. “Hey.”

Tears sting your eyes before you can stop them. You cup his face in both hands, thumb brushing over the bruises on his jaw, and you press your forehead against his like you’re afraid he’ll disappear if you let go. “God,” you whisper, voice shaking. “I thought—I thought you were—”

“I’m okay,” he rasps, but it’s a lie. He’s not okay, he’s barely breathing, but he’s alive.

“Y/N,” Beomgyu’s also there, and his voice is soft but urgent beside you. “You’re bleeding.”

You blink, disoriented, then remember the cut—your cheek throbs, the blood sticky and warm. You pull back just enough to see Beomgyu crouching beside you, eyes wide with panic. Before you can say anything, he’s already yanking at the hem of his shirt, tearing off a strip of fabric with his teeth. “Hold still,” he says, his hands trembling a little as he presses the makeshift cloth to your face. “I swear to God, if they touched you again, I’ll—”

“I’m okay,” you whisper again, voice thick, but you don’t stop him. He’s too focused, too gentle, like he’s trying to fix something with his bare hands. His fingers brush your jaw as he ties the cloth in place, the fabric warm from his skin. You glance between the two of them, heart racing. “Where are the others?”

Beomgyu exhales, sitting back on his heels. “Gone. Got out before things got ugly. I stayed because of Soobin. I couldn’t just—” He runs a hand through his hair. “Didn’t know they’d catch me too.”

Relief washes through you in waves, so overwhelming it makes your limbs weak. You sit down fully, still close to Soobin, the burn in your chest finally settling. But the weight of everything you’ve just been through presses in. You swallow. “It was Yeonjun,” you murmur, voice tight. “He was behind it all. From the beginning.” Both boys look at you, stunned into silence. You continue, barely able to meet their eyes. “He helped Minjae steal from me. From us. He lied about everything.”

Soobin flinches, like he didn’t want to hear that. Beomgyu clenches his jaw, fists tightening on his knees.

“I was going to kill him,” you say, raw and bitter. “I wanted to. I was so angry I couldn’t see straight.”

Beomgyu exhales through his nose. “We should kill him.”

But you shake your head. “He saved our lives.” They both blink at you. “If he hadn’t made a deal with Minjae, we’d be dead right now. All three of us. He gave up part of his territory. Maybe even part of his crew.”

Beomgyu and Soobin don’t say anything at first. Just sit there, taking it in. You’re curled between them, one arm still wrapped carefully around Soobin’s shoulder, the other resting against Beomgyu’s thigh. It’s the only way you can stay grounded, with touch, warmth. The knowledge that they’re here, really here.

Beomgyu scoffs beside you, shaking his head. “Yeah? Great. And what did we give up? You almost got your face carved off.”

“Almost.” The word slips out before you can stop it. You’re tired, so tired, but you cling to the sliver of logic that’s keeping you upright. “He didn’t have to do it. Yeonjun could’ve let us all die. Would’ve been easier for him.”

“Don’t care.” Beomgyu shifts beside you, folding his arms across his knees, his voice sharp. “Doesn’t erase everything else he did.”

You don’t argue. Because he’s right, too. 

It’s not long before the silence turns tense again. The door clangs open, sharp and sudden, and all three of you tense instinctively. Heavy boots scrape against the concrete, and a shadow moves inside. Yeonjun. They throw him in without ceremony. He stumbles forward, hands no longer bound but arms limp at his sides, and hits the ground with a harsh grunt. His clothes are soaked with sweat and grime, his face smeared with dirt and blood, not all of it his. His jacket’s gone, his knife, gone. The glint in his eye? Also gone. He’s empty now, hollowed out.

Beomgyu surges forward before you can react, fury written all over him. “You bastard—”

You grab his arm mid-motion, holding him back with both hands. “Beomgyu. Don’t.”

“Let me go!” he snaps, voice cracking, muscles tense under your fingers. “Look at her! Look what you let them do to her!”

Yeonjun doesn’t flinch, doesn’t raise his head, he just breathes slowly, like each inhale costs him something. “Could’ve been worse,” he mutters finally, voice hoarse. “Could’ve been all four of us in body bags.”

That does it. Beomgyu stops fighting, but he’s still vibrating with rage, breathing like he’s ready to explode. You stay between them, hand still clutching his wrist. Yeonjun finally looks up. His eyes go straight to your face—and linger on the bandage Beomgyu tied around your cheek. You watch something in him twist, and it’s not satisfaction, it’s shame. 

“No one else is coming,” Beomgyu says from the wall, voice dull. “So what now?”

You turn to Yeonjun. “Yeah,” you echo, still holding Beomgyu back. “What now?”

Yeonjun sighs and sits back against the wall, dragging his knees up to his chest. “They’ll keep us here a little longer. Keep us guessing. Then they’ll probably dump us in the middle of nowhere. Maybe in enemy territory. Maybe not.”

Beomgyu snorts. “How thoughtful.”

You frown. “And then what? We walk?”

“If we’re lucky,” Yeonjun mutters.

“If?”

He looks at you again, his expression unreadable. “I burned my deal to get you out alive. That’s all they wanted. Leverage. A show of power. Now that they’ve made their point, keeping us any longer is just a waste of resources.”

“And if they don’t let us go?” Soobin asks.

Yeonjun closes his eyes. “Then I’ll find another way.”

Beomgyu scoffs. “Yeah? With what army?”

But you don’t join in the cynicism, not this time. Because you saw the look in Yeonjun’s eyes when Minjae pressed that blade to your throat. That wasn’t strategy, that wasn’t calculation, that was something else. You don’t know what you’re supposed to do with that. But for now, you do the only thing you can—lean against Soobin, keep one hand wrapped around Beomgyu’s, and stare at Yeonjun like he’s both the reason you’re alive and the reason you’ll never sleep the same way again.

They don’t come for a while. You lose track of the hours, and it’s always cold, always quiet, except for the occasional drip of water somewhere behind the walls, or the sound of Beomgyu pacing like a caged animal. Soobin sleeps most of the time, his head on your lap. You run your fingers through his hair and try not to cry every time he winces in his sleep. Yeonjun doesn’t speak. He stays on the opposite wall, arms crossed, eyes half-closed. Watching everything, but saying nothing.

It’s Beomgyu who breaks the silence most often—jokes, insults, wild theories about how you’re all going to die in increasingly dramatic ways. But even he starts to get quiet as the hours drag on.

Then, suddenly, without warning, the door slams open. You don’t even have time to stand. Boots thunder in, and black fabric is yanked over your head. You hear Soobin growling, and Beomgyu cursing. Someone grabs your arms, too rough and fast, and you’re being dragged, stumbling blindly, unable to see or fight back. The floor changes beneath your feet, concrete, gravel, then something smooth. A van. The ride is short, bumpy, silent. Then the doors open, and you’re thrown out like trash.

You hit the ground hard, gasping as the sack is ripped from your head. Cold wind, empty road. Forest on both sides. Nothing else. Soobin lands next to you with a grunt, then Beomgyu. Then Yeonjun. 

It’s only once you’re all out that you realize someone slipped something inside your pocket before throwing you out: your phone. So you scramble to unlock it, signal's weak, but it’s there, and you hit the contact you’ve called more than anyone else in your life. “Heeseung,” you breathe when he picks up. “It’s me.”

“Y/N?” His voice breaks. “Holy shit. Are you okay? Where are you? What happened? I’ve been going crazy—”

“We’re alive,” you say, eyes scanning the empty road. “They dumped us in the middle of nowhere. But we’re out.” You tell him everything, about Minjae, the deal, the betrayal, the scar on your face that’s still fresh and stinging. He doesn’t interrupt, just listens. You hear the way his breathing falters, like he’s struggling not to break down.

“Stay where you are,” he says finally. “I’m coming.”

The line goes dead. You lower the phone slowly, still kneeling in the dirt, and then you turn. Yeonjun’s sitting nearby, arms resting lazily over his knees like he’s on a fucking picnic. Something in you snaps. You’re on your feet before you realize it, storming toward him.

“You lied to me.” He doesn’t move. “You used me.”

Beomgyu grabs you around the waist just as you lunge forward, arms locking around you from behind. “Don’t,” he mutters. “You’re already hurt.”

“I don’t care!” you shout, struggling in his grip, blood rushing in your ears. “I should kill him right now—”

“I know,” Beomgyu says softly, tightening his hold. “But you won’t.”

Yeonjun finally looks up at you. And for the first time since this whole nightmare started, he speaks with a calm so cold it makes your stomach twist.

“You think I don’t know who you are, Y/N?”

Your heart slams against your ribs.

“You think I don’t know exactly who you are?” His eyes drop to the cut on your cheek. “You think I don’t remember the night I got this?” He lifts his hand, fingers brushing over the faint, jagged scar that cuts through his eyebrow. 

Silence. Beomgyu’s grip goes still around you. Soobin’s head lifts. The wind whistles through the trees, like even the world wants to know what you’ll say next. But you don’t say anything, because the past just walked out of the shadows, wearing Yeonjun’s face. And suddenly, this isn’t about survival anymore. It’s about everything you thought you’d left behind—coming back to bite.

You were fifteen the last time you saw Choi Yeonjun.

Not this version of him — not the man with blood on his hands and a scar running down his face like a warning — but the boy. The boy in the silk shirts and the too-expensive shoes, the boy who rolled his eyes at banquet speeches and snuck you stolen desserts under the table. The boy who knew what it meant to feel trapped in gold cages.

You weren’t supposed to be friends. Children like you were meant to become weapons, not companions. But when you were forced into that same gilded room week after week, dressed like pawns in a game you didn’t ask to play, it was hard not to notice each other. He was magnetic, even then. All sharp smiles and lazy charm, already too good at getting what he wanted. You were colder, quieter. You watched more than you spoke. You already knew you were disposable — illegitimate, your father’s sin in a pretty dress. You had no seat at the table. No name that mattered.

Except to Yeonjun. He used to call you Ghost. You didn’t know if it was a compliment or a curse, but you liked it. It felt like something that belonged to you.

The night it all burned down started like any other. 

You were at the Choi estate, the grand mansion at the edge of the city, the one with the koi ponds and the marble floors and the halls that echoed when you breathed too loud. Your father, Kim Mingyu, was in meetings with Choi Hyunwoo, Yeonjun’s father. Talks of expanding routes. Sharing ports. Making more money off the war brewing overseas. You and Yeonjun had been shoved into the side parlor to stay out of the way. The windows were tall and the fireplace glowed, but the tension was always heavier when your fathers were close. Yeonjun sat sprawled in an armchair, and you were lying on the rug, arms crossed, counting each second you weren’t being used like leverage.

“I heard your dad wants to marry you off,” Yeonjun had said suddenly.

You didn’t flinch. “He wants to pretend I don’t exist. That’s not the same thing.”

Yeonjun looked at you, head tilted, lips twitching. “You know, if you married me, that would solve both our problems. Sometimes when I look at you, I see my wife.”

You rolled your eyes. “If you keep talking, I’ll be the one killing you.”

He laughed, you almost smiled. Almost.

Then— gunfire.

The kind that doesn’t echo through halls like thunder. The kind that thuds, short and final, and you both froze. 

Yeonjun stood first. You followed him to the door, but before he could open it—click. It locked from the outside. Someone didn’t want you to see what was happening. You banged on the wood. Nothing. The quiet that followed was worse than the gunfire.

After a while, the door opened. Yeonjun was expecting a servant. Maybe one of the guards. But it wasn’t that, it was a man you didn’t recognize. Pale skin, black suit, eyes like ice — too still, too calm for a house that had just swallowed gunfire. He stepped into the room and leaned down to whisper something in Yeonjun’s ear. You were still by the window, but you didn’t miss the way Yeonjun’s entire body went still. The way his jaw tightened, then clenched, like he was trying not to scream.

“Yeonjun?” you asked, turning toward him. “What is it?” He didn’t answer. You stepped closer. “What happened?” Nothing. No movement. No sound. You were standing right in front of him now. He was pale. His hands trembled. “What happened?” you asked again, more forceful, but still nothing. You raised your voice. “Yeonjun, what the fuck happened?”

And that’s when you saw it, the flicker of something in his eyes. Not grief, but guilt. Your chest dropped. “What did your father do?” you whispered.

Yeonjun looked at you then, finally. But not with answers, only silence. That was enough. Your hands slammed into his chest. Once. Twice. He let you, he didn’t even flinch. “You knew,” you spat. “You fucking knew, didn’t you?!”

His hands caught your wrists mid-swing. Not hard, just enough to stop you. “Y/N—”

And that’s when your fingers wrapped around the hilt of the knife. It was small, thin, sharp, hidden in the side of your boot. A gift from your real mother. The only thing she ever gave you. Your hand moved before your brain did. You slashed upward, sharp and fast, not caring where it landed. All you saw was red. All you heard was your father's voice, echoing in your skull. “Trust no one in silk.”

The blade caught him across the face. A clean, slicing arc from brow to cheekbone — just above his left eye. Blood bloomed instantly. Yeonjun stumbled back, gasping, a hand flying to his face. It came away red. He stared at you in disbelief, chest heaving. You didn’t flinch.

“You let them kill him,” you said, your voice shaking. “You let them kill my father.”

Still, he said nothing. And that silence was the last answer you needed. So, you ran. You didn’t stop to look back. Not when the door burst open again. Not when footsteps thundered after you through the corridor. Not when you reached the side gate and scaled it like a girl possessed. You ran until your legs gave out. And even then, you crawled.

It took them three days to declare you dead. A fire in your house. Charred remains. No doubt it was you. Probably suicide, probably shame.

But you weren’t dead. You were lying in a pool of garbage behind an abandoned noodle shop, ribs cracked, blood soaked into your shirt, half your face bruised black. You couldn’t see straight. You couldn’t move. That’s when Beomgyu found you. He was stealing food. That’s what he told you later, just trying to survive like everyone else. He could’ve run when he saw you, most people would’ve. But he didn’t. He swore at first — loud and panicked — then knelt beside you, pressing a shaking hand to your neck to find a pulse. You tried to speak, but you couldn’t. He carried you anyway.

You woke up two days later in a basement with a blanket over you and a bandage around your ribs. There was a sandwich on the floor. He was sitting in the corner, arms crossed, watching you like a stray that might bite. “I thought you were dead,” he muttered.

He didn’t ask your name, you didn’t ask his, but from that day on, he stayed close. You healed together. Then Soobin found you. He was older, smarter, calm in a way that made you wary. The three of you weren’t a gang. Not at first. Just strays with nothing left to lose. But slowly, you became something else. You started calling in debts. Digging up secrets. Using what you knew and what your father taught you — and twisting it into something deadlier.

A whisper started in the streets. A name, passed like a warning: The Ghost Queen.

No one knew it was you, not until the summit. Not until you walked into that hall like you owned it, head high, mask off, eyes colder than anyone remembered. Not until Yeonjun saw you again for the first time in a decade.

And in that moment, the scar on his face felt fresh again. Because the ghost he thought was buried, was standing in front of him. And this time, she wasn’t running.

The silence on that empty road was the kind that clung to your skin. You stood there, the black sack they’d shoved over your head was now on the ground, forgotten. The ache in your body didn’t matter anymore. Yeonjun sat a few steps away on the edge of the road, face bloodied, exhaustion sinking into his bones, but like none of this was new to him, like losing everything was just another Tuesday. You turned to face him, jaw clenched, hands shaking.

“So you know,” you said, voice low but laced with venom. “Good. I'm glad you know.” Yeonjun arched a brow, slow, like he was waiting for the punchline. “You know what you did. You know what I lost. You know what I had to survive after that night.” You gestured toward Beomgyu and Soobin. “These two? They saved me when you destroyed everything I had left. And even now, you’re still screwing me over.”

He let out a dry, bitter laugh. “You’ve gotta be kidding me,” he muttered. He stood, brushing dust off his pants. “I’m the reason all of us are still breathing. I gave up part of my territory, part of my crew. If we’re keeping score, I’d say we’re even.”

Beomgyu stepped forward, jaw clenched so tight it looked painful. “You’re lucky she wouldn’t let me get to you. Because if it were up to me, you’d be face-down on this road spitting teeth.”

Yeonjun sighed like he was bored. “Ah, great. The dog keeps speaking.”

“You have no idea what you did to her,” Beomgyu snapped. “You think one scar makes it even? You sleep at night with her blood on your hands?”

Yeonjun’s gaze flicked to you, then to Beomgyu, then back. And then, quiet, cold: “She left a scar on me too. Don’t forget that. She knew exactly where to put the knife.”

You stepped forward before Beomgyu could explode again. “You deserved that knife, Yeonjun. Because when I needed you, you chose silence. You let them kill my father. You sided with yours.”

“I was fifteen, Y/N,” he shot back, eyes sharp now, voice rising. “I was locked in that room with you. I heard the gunshots the same as you. You think I had a choice?”

“You had a choice to follow me!” you shouted, your voice raw. “To help me. To find me. But instead, you left me to die. You let them burn me!” 

He flinched—not visibly, but you felt it. “I did look for you,” he said, voice low. “For years. I searched for your body. For any sign you might’ve lived. And all I ever found was ashes.”

You barked a humorless laugh. “How convenient. No need to deal with me. No need to face what you did. What you didn’t do.”

He took a step closer. The scar over his left eye caught the fading light. “And you? You hid behind a mask. Built an empire out of borrowed blood. Turned yourself into a ghost so you wouldn’t have to remember your own sins.”

“I survived,” you hissed. “That’s all I had.”

Yeonjun didn’t answer. For the first time in the entire fight, he looked like he didn’t have a comeback. And then, the rumble of an engine. Headlights broke through the dust cloud on the road. A black car, old but fast, came flying toward you like salvation itself.

Soobin turned. “It’s Heeseung.”

Beomgyu relaxed—just slightly—but his eyes stayed locked on Yeonjun like a loaded gun. The car skidded to a halt. The door flew open. Heeseung bolted out, panic and relief battling on his face. “You’re alive,” he breathed, rushing to you.

You didn’t speak. Just let him wrap his arms around you, just this once. Yeonjun watched from a distance, eyes unreadable, expression carved from stone. And you didn’t look back at him. But you knew he was looking, because he always was.

You stopped with one hand already on the van door, your other resting against the frame like it was the only thing holding you up. You didn’t turn immediately, but you felt him behind you. Heeseung turned too, halfway into the driver’s seat, brows rising with amusement as he saw who had the audacity to still be talking. “You need a ride, Your Majesty?” he drawled, mock-serious. “Plenty of room in the trunk.”

Yeonjun rolled his eyes with a muttered, “I’ll manage.”

Beomgyu didn’t even attempt to hide the snarl curling on his lips. “We should’ve left him in that ditch.”

“Beomgyu,” you warned softly, not because he was wrong, but because this wasn’t the time. He huffed, shooting Yeonjun one last glare before climbing into the van, slamming the door harder than necessary. You lingered a second longer, eyes locked on Yeonjun. He was standing with his hands in his pockets, half in shadow, half in the hazy morning light. His red hair looked more copper than flame now, but that scar — your scar — cut through it like it had the day you gave it to him. Time hadn’t softened him. If anything, it had carved him into something even sharper.

The dust had barely begun to settle when Yeonjun’s voice cut through it. “Y/N. We need to talk business,” he said, not with force or threat, just fact. You didn’t respond at first, just looked at him. And in that moment, something cracked. Not in your expression, because you were too well-trained for that. But behind your ribs, in that locked box you thought you’d buried. Because the worst part was that you remembered. You remembered everything.

Not just the betrayal. Not just the blood, but the moments before it all fell apart. You remembered silk shirts and wide staircases, sneaking out of boring banquets with Yeonjun to sit on the roof of his family’s estate, trading secrets under a sky too vast for two children bred for war. You remembered him giving you half his dessert when your father ignored you at dinner, remembered the way his eyes used to light up when he made you laugh. You remembered the hours spent in quiet competition — chess matches, blade training, stolen books you both claimed to hate but always finished anyway.

You remembered him grabbing your wrist in that room, trying to stop you, begging you not to open the door. You remembered the look in his eyes after you cut him. And you remembered running, not just from his family, but from him. Because he was the only person in that world who had ever seen you. And you didn’t know if you hated him more for failing you — or for still seeing you now.

“Come find me when it’s time,” you said finally, voice steady, chin high. 

You turned and climbed into the van. Heeseung looked at you in the rearview mirror but didn’t speak. Soobin passed you a water bottle, quiet and steady as always. Beomgyu just shook his head like he still couldn’t believe you let that man live. You didn’t explain yourself. You just leaned back into the seat as the van pulled onto the road, the rising sun spilling gold across the horizon like the world hadn’t just tried to kill you again.

Behind you, Yeonjun grew smaller in the rear window — a figure carved out of memory and regret. But he wasn’t gone. He never really was.

The week that followed was full of antiseptic, quiet rage, and the kind of exhaustion that didn’t come from lack of sleep — but from surviving something you shouldn’t have.

The first morning back, you woke in your own bed, in your safehouse buried deep in the outer rings of the city. For a split second, you thought it had all been a nightmare. Until you turned your head and pain bloomed sharp across your cheek. You hissed, and before your fingers could even brush the wound, Beomgyu was already there.

“Don’t touch it,” he muttered, crouched beside the bed, eyes bruised with worry and zero sleep. “You’ll reopen the cut.” You tried to bat him away. He glared. “I swear to God, Y/N. Sit. Still.” So you did. Beomgyu cleaned the wound every morning, careful but muttering curses the whole time, most of them directed at Yeonjun. “You should’ve let me beat the shit out of him,” he grumbled more than once, dabbing ointment against the split skin like it was a battle tactic.

“I think your fists were too busy protecting my ribs,” you replied dryly, and he scowled but didn’t deny it.

Soobin, meanwhile, spent most of the week in bed. He had a cracked rib and a deep bruise on his thigh that turned every shade of black and blue before it started to fade. But he took it in stride, quiet as always, and only winced when Beomgyu wasn’t looking. You checked in with him often, more often than he liked. “I’m not dying,” he’d mutter, and you’d answer with, “Good.”

You didn’t mention that you barely slept. Or that some nights you stared at the ceiling for hours, replaying Yeonjun’s words, his voice, that look in his eyes when he said he knew who you were. Because the truth was, you didn’t know what haunted you more: the past, or the fact that he had lied.

By the third day, your inner circle had rotated to secure-mode. All comms were rerouted through Soobin’s backup systems, deep-web tunnels and burner signals only a handful of people in the world knew how to follow. Even then, everything was reduced to code. You stopped saying names. You stopped trusting phones. You stopped breathing easy. Because if Yeonjun was right — if Minjae had more planned — this wasn’t over.

You adapted quickly, you always did. You started giving orders again, rebuilding connections, tracking every whisper that floated through the city. You wore a hood every time you left the house, and your knife stayed strapped to your thigh. The cut on your face ached every time you moved your mouth, but you didn’t complain. Beomgyu did enough of that for both of you.

On the seventh night, you found a message waiting in your most encrypted channel. No name, no signature. Just coordinates, a time, and one line of text.

You're coming with me. Try to look like you like me.

You stared at the screen for a full minute before even breathing. The coordinates were downtown — one of Yeonjun’s more luxurious clubs, the kind that didn’t even have a name on the front, just a line of guards who knew when to keep their mouths shut. The time was just before midnight.

He was making a show, of course he was. You already knew what this was: he had something planned. A meeting, a gathering. And clearly, Yeonjun wanted to look like he had you in his pocket, because Minjae still thought you were his girlfriend. That was your leverage, that was your shield, and Yeonjun was cashing in.

“Absolutely not,” Beomgyu snapped, the second you brought it up. “I’m not letting you go parade around on that bastard’s arm like this is fucking prom night.”

“You don’t let me do anything,” you said calmly, sitting across from him. “I’m going. I’m just telling you in advance so you don’t explode and level the building.”

“You say that like it’s not still an option,” he muttered.

Heeseung, lounging on the couch nearby, raised a brow. “So we’re crashing a party now?”

“More like we’re playing pretend,” you said. “Yeonjun’s meeting with some major players, and he wants me there to make it look like we’re together. I’m not going in alone, though.”

Beomgyu narrowed his eyes. “You better not be suggesting—”

“I’m taking Jay and Heeseung.”

Jay blinked. “Wait. I am?”

You nodded. “Minjae hasn’t seen either of you in person. As far as he knows, you’re just… hot background noise.”

Heeseung grinned. “I am great at that.”

“Figures,” Beomgyu muttered. “You’re picking the two most reckless ones.”

“They’re unpredictable,” you said. “Which makes them valuable. And I trust them.”

Beomgyu didn’t argue. He just nodded. “Just don’t let Yeonjun get in your head.”

You didn’t answer that. Because part of you already knew: he was already there.

The club didn’t have a name. From the outside, it looked like a museum built for gods — all black marble and gold trimming, slick columns, a single brass door guarded by men who wore tuxedos carrying pistols under their lapels. There were no signs, no posted hours, no public records. If you were meant to be inside, you already knew. If you weren’t, you never found the door.

You stepped out of the black car just before midnight, heels clicking against the stone, silk brushing against your thighs. Your dress was fitted, ink-black, slashed low at the back, and a single necklace at your throat. Jay and Heeseung stepped out behind you, both in tailored black suits and matching expressions: calm, unreadable, dangerous. Bodyguards. Ghosts. Whatever you needed them to be.

The guards at the door let you in without a word. And inside, the bass was low, the air perfumed, gold lights flickered across the ceiling and the whole place smelled like heat, power, and money. There were no screams, no dancing, no crowd. Just whispers. Just very rich, very dangerous people pretending they weren’t afraid of one another.

You scanned the room, and of course, he was already watching you. Leaning against the bar like he owned it (which he did), Yeonjun was dressed in charcoal grey, shirt undone at the collar, sleeves rolled up, his rings glittered when he lifted a glass to his lips, and his eyes burned through you even before you took your first step.

He didn’t move as you approached. Just raised an eyebrow and smirked, lazy and lethal. “No dog today?” he said. “I was hoping to see if he bites.”

You didn’t blink. “Beomgyu sends his regards. And his middle finger.”

Yeonjun smiled like you’d complimented him. “Ah, the language of love.”

You took the drink he offered, mostly for the excuse to put something in your hand that wasn’t a gun. “Cut the bullshit, Yeonjun. Why am I really here?”

“Because you like looking at me,” he said smoothly. “And because Minjae thinks you’re mine. So, you play the part, he doesn’t question why I kept the West docks. He thinks he’s dealing with me. Not with Ghost Queen, and that keeps you alive.”

“I don’t need you to keep me alive.”

“No,” he said, leaning in, “but you need me to keep your empire breathing.”

You hated how close he was. Hated how calm he made you feel. Like standing in the eye of a hurricane. Everything around him was chaos, but he — Yeonjun — was composed destruction. A man who smiled while the building burned and said, You’re welcome for the warmth.

“You think all this justifies what you did?” you asked, eyes sharp.

He raised a brow. “What I did, darling, is what keeps your little boyfriend patching up Soobin’s wounds instead of burying him.”

You smiled without humor. “Careful. Your jealousy’s showing.”

“You always say that like it’s not part of my charm.” Yeonjun laughed like he actually liked his answer. You turned away, about to walk, but he caught your wrist lightly, easy, no force behind it. “You are wearing my necklace.”

Your hand rose instinctively to your collarbone. Shit, you hadn’t realized. Your body betrayed you before your mind caught up. Instinctively, your hand flew to your collarbone, the simple chain, delicate and old, still resting just beneath the neckline of your clothes. You hadn’t realized. Or maybe you had, and just refused to admit it to yourself. The weight of it had been familiar, comforting, buried beneath all the armor you’d learned to wear since that night. The night you gave him that scar.

Yeonjun was watching you closely. His eyes didn’t move from your face, but you could feel his attention shift from the necklace to the faint scar just beneath it. The bruise on your jaw was fading now, but the laceration across your cheekbone was angry and fresh, the stitches tight and unkind. He didn’t speak for a long moment, his gaze darkened, something unreadable moving behind it.

And then: voices behind him. Shoes on marble. Laughter and steel wrapped in suits. You turned just as Yeonjun did, instinctively stepping a fraction closer to him without meaning to.

Minjae arrived with men with cold eyes and colder hands behind him. His presence filled the room before he even spoke. Expensive suit, louder than the lighting. Yeonjun straightened, casual as ever, all lazy charm and mask-perfect posture.

“Minjae,” he greeted, voice like a blade in velvet. “Right on time.”

The older man’s eyes swept the room and landed on you. His gaze took its time, drinking you in with the kind of arrogant slowness that made your stomach turn. Yeonjun’s hand brushed the small of your back. A show, but also a claim. So you tilted your head, gave the smallest smile, the kind that didn’t reach your eyes. You felt Heeseung and Jay nearby, playing their roles well, quiet and watchful from the far end of the room. 

Minjae grinned. “You should take care of that scar. I don’t like damaged goods.”

You smiled at him, slow and dangerous. “Good thing I’m not yours, then.”

There was a beat of silence. Yeonjun laughed first, then Minjae. The tension melted into something easier, at least on the surface, but the scar still burned, and the necklace still sat heavy on your skin. And Yeonjun’s hand, even though it barely touched you, felt hotter than it should.

When Minjae turned to greet someone else, Yeonjun leaned closer, breath brushing your temple. “Still sharp,” he murmured. “Still mine.”

You didn’t look at him, you didn’t have to. “You could never afford me.”

He chuckled. “Darling, I already paid in blood.”

And you both knew — neither of you were bluffing.

You could tell by the way the staff glanced at him like he was both owner and threat, the way people stepped aside when he moved, always a beat too late. Power had its own gravity, and he wore it like silk. He walked beside you with a drink in hand, not drinking it, just holding it like an accessory. His other hand occasionally brushed your back, your arm, your wrist. Always light, always casual. Always enough to remind you he could still find your pulse without trying.

“Smile, darling,” he murmured near your ear, smirk curling. “You look like you’re about to kill someone. Which, to be fair, would only make me love you more.”

Your eyes flicked sideways. “Do you flirt with every woman you’ve sold out to a warlord, or am I just special?”

Yeonjun tilted his head, feigning thought. “Definitely special. Most of them don’t survive long enough to flirt back.”

You didn’t smile, but you didn’t look away either. That was your power — the stillness. The knowledge that if Minjae, who scarred your face with the back of his ring-heavy hand, had any idea who you really were, this place would be on fire by now. And Yeonjun was playing the long game, he always was.

Jay leaned against a pillar in the far corner, glass in hand, posture loose but eyes hard. Heeseung was by the staircase, casual enough to pass as bored muscle, but watching every move Minjae made. They hadn’t said much since you arrived, because that was the deal. Stay close, stay quiet, intervene only if necessary.

Yeonjun led you through the crowd, nodding at names you half-recognized. He led you to a private balcony overlooking the main floor. Not far enough to be hidden, but high enough to feel untouchable. You leaned against the railing and he stood beside you, close. His gaze dropped to your scar again, thumb brushing your cheek before you could stop him. You didn’t move or flinch, but something in your stomach twisted tight. “I’ll kill him for you,” he said, tone too casual.

You rolled your eyes. “You don’t get to kill people for me anymore.”

His smile was sharp. “Who said it would be for you?” The silence stretched. He took a step closer, and your breath caught before you could help it. You turned your head, his hand dropped. Downstairs, Minjae laughed at something. Jay’s eyes flicked toward you, just once. Yeonjun leaned in again. “Do you miss it?”

“Miss what?”

His voice dipped low. “Being mine.”

You didn’t answer him, just stared. The kind of stare that had made men confess, cry, crumble. But Yeonjun only looked back like he’d been waiting years for it. “I was never yours,” you said finally, voice like smoke.

His smile didn’t falter. But something beneath it twisted, just a little. “You were supposed to be.”

“Yeah,” you said. “I was. If your father hadn’t murdered mine. If you hadn’t locked me in that room.”

Yeonjun’s smile faded at the edges. He leaned on the railing with one elbow, gaze dragging over your face. “Well,” he said after a long moment. “I guess we’re even. You gave me this one, after all.”

He tilted his face, and there it was — the faint but brutal line running along his eyebrow. Your work, your rage. Your proof that love could rot. “And now I’ve got this one,” you muttered, tapping your cheek where the newer scar still pinked beneath makeup. “Thanks to you.”

He looked at you like he might shatter the balcony glass with his bare hands. “Minjae did that. Not me.” You looked away and Yeonjun stepped in, voice dropping, a hiss. “He’s going to pay for putting his hands on you.” You scoffed. “I’m serious,” he said, closer now. “You think I’m gonna let anyone leave a mark on that face and walk out breathing?” You turned to snap at him, but froze. He was inches away, his mouth too close. “Though I have to admit… you wearing a scar that matches mine?” His eyes dropped to your mouth, then climbed slowly back up. “It suits you. Makes us look coordinated.”

Your glare sharpened. “Fuck you.”

He smirked. “Do you want to?”

You shoved him lightly, but not enough to make distance. He didn’t budge anyway. From the far end of the balcony, Minjae’s gaze found you both. You felt that chill like fingers down your spine. He was watching, curious. Yeonjun caught it instantly. His hand slid to your hip. Not forceful, just a gentle pull to remind you of the lie you were supposed to be living. “Eyes on us,” he whispered. “Play the part, sweetheart.”

“I’d rather jump.”

“Okay… but try not to bleed on the carpet. It’s imported.”

He leaned in then slowly, theatrical, intense, until his face was right there. His nose nearly brushing yours, his lips a breath away. His eyes locked on yours with that too-familiar glint: part hunger, part mischief, part ruin. And Minjae was still watching, waiting. So you didn’t flinch when Yeonjun’s mouth brushed your temple, your cheek, and hovered by your ear.

You didn’t mean to stare. But once you did, it was impossible to stop. Yeonjun’s face was older now, of course, but under the dim golden light of the balcony, you could still see the shadow of the boy he used to be. The one who smirked too easily. Who whispered reckless things when no one was listening. The one who used to lean so close you thought he’d kiss you, but never did. He was always just a breath away, dangling the possibility like a blade over your throat. 

You used to wonder what it would feel like — his mouth on yours. You were fifteen. A girl made of rage, and Yeonjun was a fire you wanted to hate but kept reaching for. You never let yourself find out, never crossed that line. But now, standing in the heat of his stare, you didn’t know why you ever thought you were safe from it.

Your gaze flicked up to the scar that split the edge of his left brow, faded now, but unmistakable. You’d given it to him in a moment of betrayal so bright it still burned behind your eyelids when you closed them. Funny. You'd thought it would make you feel powerful, seeing it. But it only made your chest ache.

“Still staring, sweetheart,” Yeonjun said, low and smug. “If you want to touch it, you can just ask.”

You rolled your eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

“You say that,” he said, leaning closer, “but your breath hitches every time I talk like this.” He wasn’t wrong. “I could make you forget who you’re pretending to be,” he whispered, mouth ghosting near your jaw. “One touch. One word. You’d remember exactly what it feels like to be mine.”

You turned toward him, mouth parted to curse, or worse, but the sound of a cough cut through the tension like a knife. Yeonjun didn’t even flinch. His gaze flicked lazily over your shoulder. Minjae stood by the balcony doors, watching you both with eyes too polite to be innocent.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Minjae said, though the smug twist of his lips made it clear — he wasn’t. His gaze lingered far too long on your face, right where the scar cut across your cheekbone. “But we’ve got business to discuss.”

You didn’t flinch, but your heart, however, knocked once, hard against your ribs when Minjae’s eyes landed on your face again. You knew that look. That casual cruelty, the one that reminded you exactly who gave you that scar, and exactly who still believed you were nothing more than Yeonjun’s favorite toy.

The corridor to the private lounge was quiet, lined with dim lights and mirrors that made everything seem hazy. You saw Jay just before you entered, leaned against the wall in black, dressed like security, his mouth set in a practiced scowl. If you didn’t know better, you’d believe the act yourself. Taehyun walked beside Yeonjun with silent confidence, his sharp eyes sweeping every shadow. And you played your part.

Inside the lounge, everything was low light and dark velvet. Minjae sat first, sprawling like he owned the room, and maybe, in some ways, he did. Jay stood near the door, eyes on you. On Minjae. On everything. Yeonjun didn’t sit until he’d guided you down beside him, his hand still warm on your waist. His thumb brushed up once, just a fraction, grazing your ribs through the fabric of your clothes. You gave him a warning look, and he only smirked.

“Let’s get to it, shall we?” Minjae said, lighting a cigar like the caricature of a villain. “I want to finalize the territory shift.” 

Yeonjun smiled lazily. “Of course.”

“Must be nice,” Minjae said after a beat, changing topics. “Having someone so pretty that devoted.” His eyes flicked to your face again, and something uglier bloomed behind his grin. “Though I don’t remember that scar being there last time.”

Yeonjun’s hand moved again, but not away. This time it slid across your lap, over the silk of your dress, and came to rest on your thigh. He squeezed gently, like a warning. Or maybe comfort, maybe both. You swallowed, eyes trained forward. You weren’t sure if it was your own pulse you were hearing, or Yeonjun’s.

Business was discussed, territories laid out. Taehyun handled most of the numbers, Jay nodding occasionally as if he were part of the team. But through all of it, Yeonjun never stopped touching you. His hand drifted to your knee, your waist, your back, in a casual, intimate, possessive way. Like he meant it, like he wanted Minjae to see.

And you let him, because Minjae couldn’t know the truth. Because Yeonjun was playing his role. Because, somewhere deep down — under all the betrayal and blood and broken pieces — you remembered what it was like to be touched by him and believe it was real. And maybe some part of you still wanted it to be.

The meeting ended, Minjae stood first, adjusting the lapel of his tailored jacket with that same smug smile glued to his face since the start of the night. He looked at Yeonjun, and then at you, lingering a second too long. “Congratulations,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Getting territory from the Ghost Queen isn’t a small thing. You must have a special talent, Yeonjun. Or she must really like you.”

Yeonjun didn’t flinch, he just smiled dangerously slowly. His hand tightened slightly at your thighs, grounding you, warning you, comforting you. Almost like he was saying, Let it go. I’ve got this.

Minjae took a couple of steps toward the door, tossing a final comment over his shoulder. “I hope the scar makes your girlfriend even prettier.” A smirk. “Take good care of her, Yeonjun. Women like that are hard to find… and easy to mark.”

Your entire body stilled. Not from fear—you’d burned that out of your system years ago. But from the kind of fury that didn’t flash, it simmered, low and dangerous in your veins.

Yeonjun leaned in before you could speak, his voice brushing hot against your ear. “Give me one reason. Just one. And I’ll tear him apart.”

You didn’t answer. The tilt of your chin, the ice in your gaze, it was enough. Minjae left with his goons, the door swinging closed behind them like the end of a nightmare that didn’t know it was over. But Yeonjun didn’t step away, not even an inch. If anything, he pulled you closer, with his hand drifting up your back to rest at the back of your neck, thumb gently brushing just beneath your jaw. Possessive, protective and dangerous. Not for show this time, even if the performance had technically ended.

Jay let out a slow breath and finally stepped forward from the shadows, pulling out the earpiece he’d worn for the entire meeting. “Well,” he said, with a half-smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, “if hell had a homeowners’ association, I think we just sat through the board meeting.”

Taehyun snorted quietly, heading to the table to collect the documents Minjae had left behind. “He really thinks he’s winning.”

“Let him,” Yeonjun said, fingers still tangled in your hair. His tone was calm, but it carried an undercurrent of violence. “The higher he thinks he is, the harder the fall.”

Jay crossed his arms and finally looked directly at you. “You alright?”

You nodded slowly, your eyes still on the door. “Yeah. The worst part’s over.”

Jay looked back at Yeonjun. “We need to get the logistics in place. Can’t hand over territory without locking in transport, security, collection.”

Yeonjun gave a small nod, finally turning, but he didn’t let go of your hand. His fingers stayed interlaced with yours, like the truth was still too dangerous to set down. Like he needed them to know you were his, even if it was still just pretend. Even if it never really was.

“Let’s handle that tonight,” he said, looking at the two of them. “But first…” He turned to you again, his gaze heavy with something you couldn’t quite name. His expression softened only slightly—only for you. “I want to make sure she has what she needs. And that no one—ever—lays a finger on her again without bleeding for it.”

For a moment, it sat in your chest like warmth. Like safety. Like the kind of thing you'd once dreamed of when you were a teenager and he was still the boy with fire in his eyes and a promise on his lips. But then it cracked. Because it hit you, all at once—there was no one left to pretend for. Minjae was gone. The room was full of allies, no one was watching. You weren’t his girlfriend. And he wasn’t your hero, not anymore.

You stepped away from him like waking from a dream, the trance shattered. You didn’t even meet his eyes when you stood up. “You don’t need to worry about me, Yeonjun,” you said, voice cold. “I’ll handle it.”

There was a silence. Jay raised an eyebrow, halfway to speaking when you reached over and plucked the drink from his hand without asking. He didn’t stop you, just tilted his head slightly, watching as you started toward the door. “You need anything?” he asked, cautious.

You didn’t look back. “Yeah, to be alone.”

And then you were gone. You went straight to an outside balcony, the cold air outside hit you like a slap. You lit the cigarette with fingers that didn’t shake, but only because you wouldn’t allow them to. The burn in your chest wasn’t from the smoke. It was the memory of his hand on your waist, his voice in your ear, his lie living under your skin like a second pulse. He always did that—wrapped barbed wire in silk and called it love.

You heard the door open behind you ten minutes later. You didn’t have to look to know who it was. No one else had that kind of presence. That specific gravity.

“What the fuck was that?” Yeonjun’s voice was low, sharp, laced with confusion and something angrier underneath.

You didn’t turn. You exhaled, slow and bitter. “What was what?”

He stepped closer, not touching you now, not daring to. “You walking out like that. The attitude. The—” He stopped himself, like he wasn’t sure what the hell he was trying to say. “I’ve been protecting you all goddamn night. And now you're acting like—”

“I didn’t ask you to protect me.” That made him pause. You turned to face him finally, eyes dark. “I didn’t want your protection, Yeonjun. And especially not after everything you did.”

His jaw clenched. “I did what I had to do to keep you alive.”

“No,” you said. “You did what you had to do to keep yourself alive. Don’t rewrite history just because I’m standing here again.” He didn’t answer. You stepped closer, enough that your breath could find his collarbone. Enough to remind him that once upon a time, you wanted to be close. “You had years, Yeonjun. Years to come clean. Years to fix it.”

“I was trying to protect you.”

“Bullshit.” Your voice cracked barely. “You let me rot.”

“You think it didn’t kill me? I thought you were dead!”

“I think you lived just fine with it.”

He looked at you like he wanted to tear something apart. Maybe you. Maybe himself. “You think I wanted this?” he hissed.

“I think you let it happen,” you snapped. “And I think it’s too late now to play the good guy.” There was a silence. He stared at you with that same infuriating expression—equal parts regret and arrogance. The one you used to fall for. “I don’t need you,” you said, finally. “And I sure as hell don’t need you pretending like we’re anything anymore.”

Yeonjun tilted his head, eyes narrowing just a little. “Then why are you still wearing my necklace?”

The question landed like a slap. And you didn’t have an answer.

Before you could even breathe, he was stepping closer. Each step heavy with something darker than tension, something primal. You stayed still, partly because you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of moving. Partly because your legs didn’t fucking work when he looked at you like that. He stopped only when his chest nearly brushed yours.

His eyes dropped to your collarbone and he towered you, looking down at you. “Still fits you like it was made for you,” he murmured, voice honeyed and low. “Of course, it was. I picked it out when I was younger and so fucking in love with you I couldn’t think straight.” You blinked. The weight of that sentence crashing into you all at once, but he didn’t give you time to recover. “Funny thing is…” His gaze dragged up to your lips, then your eyes. “Even now—after all the blood, the lies, the shit we buried—I still look at you and want to fuck you against the nearest wall.”

You sucked in a breath.

“I still think about what your mouth would feel like saying my name the way you used to—sweet and desperate.” He tilted his head again, like he was admiring the way you looked pissed off and frozen in the same breath. “Still think about what your skin tastes like under all that attitude.”

Your fingers curled at your sides. “You’re disgusting.”

“Yeah,” he breathed. “But you’ve always liked me that way.”

And the worst part is that he wasn’t wrong. You hated the way your body reacted to him, how your pulse betrayed you, how your mind told you to step away and your feet stayed planted.

His eyes dropped again, this time to your mouth, and lingered. “Do you even know what you look like right now?” he whispered. “All cold and fire at the same time. Like you want to punish me for wanting you.”

“I should punish you,” you said, finally finding your voice again, though it came out rough.

Yeonjun smirked. “Baby, if that’s a threat, I’ll fucking beg for it.”

That made you flinch, just a little. But he saw it. Of course he saw it. And that was all the invitation he needed.

He tilted his head, watching your every breath like a predator. Then, slow as sin, he leaned in, close enough that his breath kissed the shell of your ear when he spoke again. “Tell me something.” His voice was a hushed rasp, too close, too deep. “In all these years… did anyone make you feel good?” Your lips parted, but he didn’t wait. “I mean—really good,” he continued, his mouth dragging close to your cheek. “The way I would’ve. The way I still want to.” A pause, his lips ghosting over your skin, not quite touching. “The way I will.”

You turned your head sharply, eyes slicing toward him. “You talk like I was yours to begin with.”

Yeonjun only smiled. “You were.”

You let out a short, bitter laugh. “We were young. You don’t get to rewrite that.”

“Young and stupid, yeah,” he agreed. “But you never stopped looking at me like you wanted to tear me apart. And you think I didn’t see that? You think I didn’t feel it?” He stepped in even closer, one hand bracing against the wall beside your head. “I’ve had to live with that image in my head for years. The way you looked that night you cut me. Face flushed. Hands shaking. Breathing like you’d just—God, I wanted to taste the blood on your fingers.”

You exhaled through your nose, trying to stay cold, unbothered. “You’re sick.”

“And you love it.” He leaned down, murmuring right against your ear again. “Tell me, baby. Did anyone ever get to have you? Did they get to fuck that attitude out of you, or did they all fail?”

“Yeonjun—”

He pulled back just enough to look into your eyes. “I’d ruin you,” he said, voice low and steady. “So slow, so good, you’d forget your own fucking name. You’d forget who you are—Ghost Queen or not. You’d just be mine.”

You didn’t answer, you couldn’t answer, because you hated that a part of you was imagining it. His hot skin, rough hands, his mouth on your throat, dragging out every gasp like it belonged to him. You could almost feel it. The pressure, the filth of his words against your ear, the pull of him unraveling you. So you clenched your jaw, locking it in place. “You never had me.”

Yeonjun stared, quiet for a breath. Then the corner of his mouth curled. “But I could’ve,” he murmured, leaning in, lips brushing dangerously close to your cheek. “And I still could—maybe I should ask your little dog to watch us. What’s his name again? Beomgyu?”

You didn’t even think. In one clean, practiced movement, your hand slid from beneath your sleeve, the blade catching the low light as you slammed him back into the wall with your forearm to his chest and your knife pressed right to the hollow of his throat. The force of it knocked the smirk off his face, but only for a second. Then it was back, wider and hungrier.

“Well, well,” he breathed, tilting his head against the blade. A bead of blood bloomed at the contact, but he didn’t even flinch. “There she is.”

Your eyes were all fire, teeth clenched, breathing sharp. “Say his name again, Yeonjun. Say it. I fucking dare you.”

His hands didn’t go up, didn’t push you off. He stayed still, almost inviting the cut. That damn smirk still plastered across his lips. “You know,” he drawled, voice barely above a whisper, “you holding a knife to my throat is hotter than anything I’ve ever jerked off to—and I’ve had years to imagine this.” Your grip didn’t loosen. If anything, it tightened. But his gaze didn’t drop, it burned into yours. “I missed you,” he whispered. “You insane, deadly little thing.”

You hated the way your pulse betrayed you. How your body thrived off the proximity, off the danger. You could kill him, right here, right now. You wanted to. “You think you scare me?” you snapped.

“I hope so,” he said, smiling wider. “Because nothing makes me harder than a girl who might slit my throat after fucking me.”

Your blade was still slick against him, your chest rising and falling. But you didn’t need to move, because he did all the work for you, leaning in just enough so his lips hovered by your ear, voice thick with venom and something far more dangerous.

“What’s the matter?” Yeonjun said, low and sickeningly sweet. “Afraid I’ll say something else that gets you all worked up?” The weight of his body so close, the smell of his cologne crawling under your skin. “I've got a thousand fantasies about you pressing that knife a little lower.” He exhaled like he was enjoying himself. “God, I missed you. Every version of you. The girl who kissed my cheek once and made me lose sleep for a week, and the one who nearly slit my throat just now. They both get me off.” Your grip faltered for half a second, just enough for him to feel it, and he grinned. “Don’t know if you love me or you want me dead.”

You stepped back like the words were a punch to the chest. His gaze followed you as you turned, fast and sharp, like you had to run before your legs gave out. Before he said something even worse, or something you wanted to hear. You shoved the blade back into the sheath under your sleeve and stormed toward the club’s hall, the music echoing louder the closer you got. You thought you could lose him in the noise, that maybe if you slipped back into the crowd, back into the role, back into your armor, he’d vanish with the bloodlust and the memories.

But of course not. You’d barely made it to the bar when you felt him again, his hand finding your waist from behind like it had belonged there all along. His chest pressed to your back, lips brushing against the shell of your ear with that voice, that stupid, dangerous voice—

“We still have to sell the story, baby,” he whispered, shameless and slow. “Minjae’s watching. Don’t make me hold you tighter.”

“You keep touching me like that,” you muttered through clenched teeth, “And I swear to God, Yeonjun—”

“You’ll what?” He cut in, nuzzling against your hair. “Make me beg? Scream? Kill me in front of everyone?”

You turned your head just enough to meet his eyes. “Maybe all three,” you said.

His smile was pure sin. “Fuck, I hope so.” But then he leaned in closer, voice a breath over your skin, lips ghosting the shell of your ear— “Truth is,” he murmured, slow, filthy, “I think about it every night. What would you let me do to you if my father didn’t kill yours.”

Your brain short-circuited. There was no time to think, just movement. You grabbed a fistful of his hair, hard enough to make him groan, and yanked his smug, beautiful face toward yours. His smirk only widened. You didn’t waste a second, you shoved him back across the room, until his back slammed into the wall near the nearest private door. You didn’t even check if anyone saw you twist the lock.

The second the door clicked shut, you spun him and slammed him against it, fingers still tight in his hair, breath heaving. He was grinning. “Knew you missed me, princess.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

You grabbed his jaw, nails biting into his skin, and forced him to look at you. He was already hard, cocky as ever, eyes gleaming like he’d won some twisted game. But he didn’t say another word. You pressed in close, body flush to his, letting him feel every inch of your control. “You talk too much,” you muttered, dragging your mouth along his jaw—not kissing, just hovering and teasing. “Always did.”

“I can shut up,” he said, already breathless. “If you sit on my face.”

“Quiet,” you hissed. You slammed him back against the wall again, just to feel the sharp inhale he took. His eyes fluttered, and for a split second, the mask cracked, just enough to show how gone he was for you. How long he’d been starving for this. “Tell me you missed me,” you demanded.

He licked his lips, eyes blown wide. “I missed the way you make me fucking weak.”

You didn’t give him time to breathe. Your lips crashed against his jaw, not soft, not sweet. You sank your teeth into the sharp edge of it, biting down until his whole body jolted under your hands, a strangled groan ripping from his throat. You could feel him trembling. “Fuck,” he hissed, head tilting back against the wall, eyes fluttering shut for a second. “Fucking bite me again—”

“I said shut up,” you growled against his skin, your breath hot and ragged. You licked where you’d just bitten, then bit again, just below his ear, harder. “God, you’re pathetic.”

He let out a low, breathy laugh, already wrecked. “Only for you.”

You leaned in close, lips brushing his ear. “I think about it every day, Jun. Every fucking day.” He stilled, but you didn’t stop. “The sound you made when I cut your face. That pitiful, shocked little gasp. You looked like a kicked dog. And I swear I wanted to kill you,” you whispered, pressing your mouth back to that same spot on his jawline, biting again. “After my father died, and your father left me rotting—you just let it happen. You walked away. You knew.”

“Y/N—”

“No.” You gripped his chin, forcing him to meet your eyes. “You let me starve. You let them humiliate me. And I swore—every fucking day—that I’d make you pay for it. I built myself from blood and ash, and you? And now you are fucking stealing from me.”

Yeonjun stilled. For one long, charged second, he didn’t move or speak. Then his eyes darkened and everything snapped. With a brutal sort of grace, he grabbed your wrists and spun you, slamming your back against the wall in a single, fluid motion. His breath was hot at your throat, his body crowding yours, his thigh sliding precisely between your legs until it was pressed against your heat firmly and deliberate. Your breath caught and you hated how fast your body betrayed you.

“You think you’re in control?” he growled, pinning your wrists above your head with one hand, while the other slid down your side, fingers dragging painfully slow. “You think you built yourself?” His thigh pressed up hard, just enough friction to make you gasp, and he chuckled. “I love it when you look at me like you want to kill me—and fuck me in the same breath,” he hissed, lips brushing your jaw. 

You choked on a sound, part fury, part need, grinding involuntarily against the pressure between your legs and he smirked. “I bet you ache,” he whispered, mouth moving to the shell of your ear. “Bet you’ve always ached. You try to fall asleep at night, and you squeeze your thighs together, pretending it’s nothing. Pretending it’s not me you’re thinking about.” His voice dropped lower and meaner. “Tell me the truth,” he murmured. “When you touch yourself—because I know you do—do you pretend it’s my fingers? Or do you imagine me throwing you against a wall like this, fucking you so hard you forget your own name?”

His thigh flexed against you again, and your hips bucked helplessly in response. He grinned, dark and wolfish. “You hate that you want it. That you want me,” he breathed. “But you always have. Even back then. You were mine long before you knew what that meant.”

His hand slid under your dress, fingertips teasing the sensitive skin of your thigh, just barely skimming where you needed him most. “You wanna know what I think about?” he asked, voice rough and sinful. “I think about spreading you open. Holding your legs apart while I taste every inch of you—slow. So slow it hurts. I wanna hear you whimper. Wanna ruin you so completely until you cry for my dick. Again. And again.”

You gasped as his thigh pressed up again, harder, firmer, angled just right. It sent a jolt of pleasure through you so sharp your knees nearly gave out. His hands clamped down on your hips, tight and possessive, guiding you against the flex of his thigh. The friction sent another sharp jolt of heat through your core, and you cursed under your breath, biting down on your lip hard enough to hurt.

“That's it,” he rasped, grinding you down with purpose. “So eager now, aren’t you? I can feel how wet you are through your panties, baby. You're soaking me.” You clenched your jaw, trying to hold on to that last shred of control. But he was relentless, dragging your hips with a slow rhythm, the pressure maddening. “Go on,” he coaxed, voice low and filthy. “Use me. Ride my thigh like the needy little thing I always knew you were.”

“Shut up,” you spat, even as your hips betrayed you, rolling down against the muscle of his leg with pathetic desperation.

He chuckled, dark and hungry. “Shut me up, then. Or are you too busy soaking my pants like some spoiled brat in heat?”

Your nails dug into his shoulders, leaving half-moons in his skin. You hated him. You hated how he knew exactly what to say. How your body responded to him like it had never belonged to you in the first place. “I should’ve slit your throat the day I found out what you did,” you hissed, breathless.

“Oh, baby,” he murmured, voice dripping with mock sympathy. “You should’ve. But you didn’t. And now look at you.” He leaned in closer, closer to your mouth, his lips almost touching yours. You turned your face at the last second, his lips brushing the corner of your jaw instead. You can’t kiss him right now. You don’t know how you feel about this. And he notices it, that resistance in you. So he rolled his thigh up again, harder this time, making your head tip back against the wall as a ragged moan escaped you. “You're grinding on me like a whore,” he murmured, leaning in close. “But you won't even let me kiss you?” He barked a laugh. “That’s cute.”

One of his hands slid up your back and tangled in your hair, pulling just enough to make you gasp. “You're so good at pretending you're above this,” he whispered against your cheek. “But I can feel how close you are.”

Your lips parted, a breath catching, but no words came. He pressed his forehead to yours, keeping you pinned, his thigh flexing beneath you in slow, deliberate circles. “You're shaking. You gonna come just from this?” he whispered, tone wicked. “Gonna fall apart without me even needing to touch your pussy properly?”

“Fuck you,” you hissed, even as your fingers clutched his shirt like a lifeline.

“We already are,” he breathed. “You just don’t wanna admit it.” You tried to snarl something back, anything brutal, but all that came out was a broken whimper when he angled his leg just right again and ground you down on it hard. “Say it,” he growled. “Say you want me to ruin you.”

“No.”

“Say it.”

You hesitated. His grip on your hips tightened, and he dragged you over him again with a force that knocked the breath out of your lungs. “Say it, or I’ll stop.”

You looked at him. At the flushed skin, the blown pupils, the restraint in every muscle of his body barely holding back his own hunger. And something in you snapped. Not from surrender, but from something darker, older. Something forged in every time you’d had to bite your tongue, bury your desire, and walk away from him when all you really wanted was this. The way he looked at you now—wild, worshipful, starved like you were a sin he’d been denied too long—it ignited every sharp, burning edge of you.

You gripped the front of his shirt and yanked him closer, your breath brushing his lips. “You think you’re in control now,” you whispered, voice low and trembling with fury and want. “But you’re not. You never were.”

He grinned, teeth flashing, but there was a flicker of something else behind his eyes. Respect, maybe, or awe. “I’ve always been in control,” he murmured, dragging his thigh up again between your legs. “Even when I wasn’t touching you. Especially then.”

You let out a shaky breath, your forehead pressing against his for a beat. Your hips rolled of their own accord, chasing friction like your body had given up waiting for your mind to catch up. He hissed. “Fuck, that’s it. Keep going. Let me see what that perfect little cunt does when you stop pretending you don’t need me.”

His hands moved like instinct, one cupping your jaw, the other sliding down your spine and grabbing your ass as he ground you even harder into his thigh. You moaned into his mouth, and he groaned into yours, the sound deep and guttural like he’d been dying for this. “You like that?” he rasped, mouth so close to yours. “Like grinding that soaked little pussy on me while I whisper every filthy thing I’ve ever wanted to do to you?”

You gasped as he rocked you forward again, the pressure brutal, perfect. “I wanna wreck you,” he said, voice like smoke and sin. “Wanna fuck you in every way. Wanna hear you beg for it, cry for it—thank me for it.” Your head tipped back, a raw sound catching in your throat. 

His thigh flexed under you again and your whole body jolted. “You gonna come for me like this?” he asked, hand sliding between you to press against your clit through the soaked fabric. “So desperate you’ll cream on my leg like a needy little slut?” You whimpered, you fought not to, but your hips bucked against his hand. “Say it,” he growled. “Say you’re mine. Say it and I’ll make you come right now.”

Your lips hovered near his, breathing him in. His breath ghosted over your mouth, but still—you wouldn’t kiss him. Not yet. That, you’d keep. That was your line. And then you whispered: “…I’m yours.”

He exhaled, like the words physically undid him. “That’s my fucking girl.”

His mouth was everywhere but your lips. He kissed your neck like he wanted to brand you, tongue dragging over your pulse, his teeth grazing that sensitive spot below your ear, making you shudder so hard it nearly hurt. You didn’t mean to move, but your hips ground down on his thigh anyway, desperate for friction, for relief. Yeonjun’s hands locked around your waist dragging you even closer. He rolled his thigh up hard, and you choked on your breath, eyes fluttering shut. “That’s right. Use me,” he whispered, and then, closer to your ear, darker: “But if you think I’m just gonna let you come without claiming every inch of you first, you’re fucking dreaming.”

Your fingers dug into his shoulders, legs shaking, brain fogging fast with the pressure building between your thighs. “I can feel it,” he groaned. “You’re right fucking there. Gonna soak my leg like a needy little slut, huh? Can’t even wait for my cock—just wanna make a mess on me.”

“Yeonjun—” you breathed, but you didn’t know what you were begging for.

He bit down gently on the curve of your jaw, just enough to make you whimper, then spoke so close to your ear it sent a bolt of heat down your spine. “You don’t wanna kiss me?” he taunted. “Fine. But you’re gonna come like this—shaking, grinding on me, moaning my name like a fucking bitch.”

You broke. The tension snapped like a rubber band. Your body convulsed, the orgasm tearing through you so hard you nearly sobbed. Your hips jerked once, twice, before collapsing into him, legs weak, chest heaving, mind blank with the force of it. You were screaming his name. And Yeonjun held you through it, strong and steady, one hand firm on your back, the other gently stroking your thigh, lips brushing your ear.

“That’s it,” he whispered, voice smug and thick with hunger. “That’s my good fucking girl.”

And still, he didn’t kiss you, not yet. Instead, he held you there for a moment longer, letting your trembling body press against his as your breath came in broken, uneven bursts. One hand stayed planted low on your back, grounding you. The other trailed up slowly, until his fingers curled gently around your jaw. “You came so hard, baby. Rubbed your needy little cunt on my thigh like you were made to be ruined by me.”

You twitched at his words, still raw from the high, but your body reacted anyway, too sensitive, too aware. He pulled back enough to look at you, his eyes half-lidded, drunk on power and lust. And then he leaned in, his mouth angling toward yours, lips parted, close enough that his breath mingled with yours.

But something snapped. Reality slammed back into you, all at once—your heartbeat still frantic, your skin still hot, your body still aching... and all of it because of him. The person you swore you’d never let close again.

So you shoved him hard. He stumbled back a step, blinking in surprise, before a slow, amused grin curled his lips. “There she is,” he said, breathless, a dark chuckle in his throat. “My little hellcat.”

“Fuck you, Yeonjun,” you spat, fury and embarrassment colliding in your chest.

He tilted his head, eyes flicking to your mouth. “You bit your lip so hard, you’re bleeding.”

You reached up instinctively and sure enough, your fingers came away red. Yeonjun moved fast. Before you could stop him, he was already close again, hands on either side of your face, and he leaned in—not to kiss you, no—but to drag his tongue slowly along your lower lip, tasting the blood like it was something sacred.

You flinched. “Don’t—”

He pulled back just enough to look into your eyes, a wild gleam in his own. “Even your blood tastes good,” he murmured. “Bet I could get addicted to you.”

You shoved him again, harder this time, and he let you. “You don’t get to kiss me,” you snapped, breath still unsteady.

His smile was crooked now, smug. “Baby, I already made you come. With your clothes on. Grinding on my fucking thigh like a bitch.”

Your face burned fiercely—flushed with a storm of anger, humiliation, and something darker, more twisted beneath it all. “You’re disgusting,” you spat, jerking your dress down, trying to steady the ragged gasps that threatened to spill from your mouth. “This was a fucking mistake. It should’ve never happened.” You whipped around, ready to escape, to put miles between you and the man who’d just unraveled you without even shedding your clothes. But before you took two steps, his hand slammed down on your wrist. “Don’t,” you warned, voice sharp but shaky, refusing to turn back.

Yeonjun didn’t care. He yanked you back with a brutal ease, pressing you flush against his chest. His body was a furnace behind you, hot, and that unmistakable hardness pressed right where it needed to, digging into you. You froze, breath hitching, every nerve screaming. His fingers spread over your waist, gripping with possessive force, anchoring you.

“You really think this ends here?” he growled, voice thick. “After how soaked your panties got, creaming on my leg like some desperate little slut who can’t get enough?”

A shiver ran down your spine. Your fists curled, but you stayed rooted, helpless to deny the truth in his words. His voice dropped lower. “Run if you want. Go ahead. But I’m the only one who knows how to touch you like this. You are fucking mine, queen.”

Your breath caught, eyes burning with a mix of defiance and desire. Your body betrayed you, frozen against his relentless hold. His chest pressed heavier against your back, his hot breath trailing down your neck like liquid sin. “You’re gonna fucking replay this in your head,” he whispered, cruel and sweet all at once. Then, just like that—he released you.

You didn’t look back. But his voice echoed in your mind as you walked away, the filthy promise dragging after you like a shadow:

“You’ll come back. You always do. And next time? I’m gonna make you scream my name while I ruin you completely.”

You hated him, you did, you hated everything he had done, the lies, the pain, the silence. But you didn’t hate the way his touch made your pulse skip. You didn’t hate the way his voice, low and wrecked, had said: You are fucking mine, queen.

Yeonjun was a mess. A walking, bleeding contradiction. He was dangerous, infuriating even. But you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

Because Yeonjun fought so dirty, but he loved so sweet. He talked so pretty, but his heart got teeth. And you’d never, never, never let go.

author’s note: okay confession time: this was my very first time diving into the mafia genre and honestly, i always avoided it because i was scared it would come off too cheesy or overdramatic. but somehow, with these two, everything just clicked. so i ended up really liking how everything aligned in the end because some loves don’t fit into the rules AND THAT being said… if by any chance you’d like to see what happens next, i’m already working on a part 2!! but it will take a while :( if you want to be in the taglist, let me know in the comments! ok byeeeeeee

my masterlist | last fic 🕷️🖤

taglist: @lovesickchoi @biteyoubiteme @heesmiles @xylatox @soobinieswife @deadlykitten404 @fancypeacepersona @zoemeltigloos @choibona14 @iyoonjh @usuallyunlikelyfox @cristy-101 @stormy1408

You have a routine. 

By six in the morning, regardless if you have class that day, you’ll be awake. You start your day by taking a 5km walk in the community plaza in your subdivision, wherein the sun has already risen but not enough for you to feel hot. 

You should also be home by seven in the morning, wherein you do your morning routine like taking a bath, cooking breakfast, and maybe spare thirty minutes to read the book on your reading list before driving off to Decelis University. If you don’t have any classes that day, you’ll spend the day advance reading  your subjects. 

Everything in your life has always been like that. Having a routine keeps you organized, calms your mind and keeps your body circling everyday — leaving no room for mistakes, because making mistakes for you isn’t an ideal thing to do.

You’re the only child of your family. You grew up with loving parents who showered you with love and everything that you want. Spoiled but not rotten, everything wasn’t given to you in a snap. They always taught you that everything they give to you, should be repaired. Hence, you grew up with expectations given to you, and you have every determination not to fail your parents. 

That’s why you’re studying medical biology, following the footsteps of your father who owns the biggest medical center in your city. Ever since your father exposed you to his work, your dream has been to become a doctor like him, and they were happy that you’re following their path. 

While they are anticipating for you to become a doctor, your parents didn’t hesitate to give you a second option — a doctor’s wife like your mother. Someone who tends to their husband, becoming a housewife or trophy wife who spends their husband’s money with no problem, your mother would always joke. 

Coincidentally, your parents didn’t even let you choose between the options because easily, you can have both. While your ring finger remains empty, you know you’re bound to be married to someone by the time you graduate college. 

“Sunghoon,” you called out, shaking the boy’s shoulder. You were given a short groan as Sunghoon turned sideways and covered his head with the blanket.

“Sunghoon, wake up! We have class at ten!” you shouted, pulling the blanket once again. It didn’t take a minute for Sunghoon to sit up with a loud groan escaping his lips. 

“y/n, it’s only eight in the morning, you can go to Decelis if you want to, but let me fucking rest for another hour,” he said mindlessly, eyes still close. 

“You’ll skip class again because you overslept,” you pointed out. “Are you still drunk?”

“I have a hangover, thanks for asking,” Sunghoon replied sarcastically. “Also, why do you care if I skip class for today? It’s just a minor subject for fuck’s sake, just go.” 

“Make sure you go to Decelis today,” you reminded before leaving his room. Sunghoon didn’t even bother replying to you, he only lay down in his bed once again and dozed off, which only made you heave a sigh. 

You’ve known Park Sunghoon ever since you two were kids. You remember the first time you two met, at his father’s birthday, wherein he played the piano for the audience. You watched as he effortlessly played a song you’re unfamiliar with. Eyes locked at him, it was the first time you felt that rush of in your heart, cheeks heating up as you admired him from where you were standing. 

Ever since that day, you wanted to marry Sunghoon. His parents own the largest pharmaceutical company in your district which means that he’s bound to inherit his parents’ business. You think that it was destiny. If you two were to get married, your parents’ businesses would merge and you envision yourself as a doctor along with Sunghoon. 

It was as if the perfect life had been given to you. While you never formally requested to your parents that you wanted to marry Sunghoon, they pretty much set you two up. You grew up with Sunghoon, played and studied with him, and went to the same school together. 

He was your best friend. Although the lingering crush inside you still gives you butterflies every time you’re with Sunghoon, your platonic love for him still outweighs. You two passed Decelis University together, but before you two entered college, the formal arrangement between the two of you was held in a private dinner — completely shattering your relationship with him. 

From there, everything changed, the wariness that you two will get married after graduation lingers, and the fact that you two were forced to live in a house together, alone, made it more awkward for the two of you. 

Both your parents insisted that it’s for you two to prepare for your marriage. At first, it was hard to adjust, having small talks and walking on eggshells during the first few months despite you two growing up together. But slowly, you two had become well-adjusted with each other.

Going to Decelis together, study dates, and senseless conversations after dinner happened because not only you two live together, you two are also classmates. You two became well-known in your department. With your family’s background and reputation, everyone knows that you two are engaged to each other, and by the end of your freshman year, you two were considered as the medical sciences department’s “power couple.” 

Although you two had adjusted well, the two of you knew that what you had were only platonic, two best friends who live together under the same roof, ignoring the future that awaits for both of you. 

But when sophomore year came, Sunghoon formed a band along with some friends and a junior of his, and they named it, “Arcanum,” and ever since that day, Sunghoon was no longer the Sunghoon that you knew. 

You always thought that his talent for piano will only be a talent of his, but you didn’t expect it to become a passion that he will come chasing after. Ever since Arcanum happened, the sound of his keyboard can be heard all over your house, and instead of medical books and notes from your subjects being on his table, it has become lyrical sheets and chords that only Sunghoon can read. 

While Sunghoon still excels in class and passes his subjects with ease, it’s not hard to ignore that his college program isn’t his priority anymore. You found yourself alone in your house every night, Sunghoon separating from you by the end of the class because he has a gig or band practice. Sometimes he goes home drunk, and you’re wondering why the hell he is letting himself get drunk despite his low alcohol tolerance. 

You know that it’ll get worse if he continues doing it. You tried to talk him out of it but Sunghoon got angry with you instead, lashing out that why can’t you just support his passion instead. It was the first time he ever got angry with you and yet, it fueled something in you, the way he looked at you that night, you’re convinced that he’s not the Sunghoon that you know — which persisted you more to make him go back to the way he was. 

You tried. Everyday, you tried to make sure he goes to his class, waking him up and checking up on him became part of your routine. But it all seems useless because the more you pick up Sunghoon’s mess, the more he becomes annoyed at you. It became something you two always fought about, slowly you two didn’t realise that you two had drifted apart. 

“Class dismissed,” the professor announced. You could only close your notebook as you shake your head with disappointment.

Sunghoon didn’t show up, he’s probably in his room, still asleep. You hated how he didn’t show up, and all of it is because of a hangover from yesterday’s gig. You always told him that he shouldn’t drink during school days but it’s Sunghoon, he never listens to you. 

As you  grabbed your things and placed them in your bag, your professor called you out suddenly, which made you head towards him. 

“Yes sir?” you asked. 

“It’s about Sunghoon,” he started, your eyes widened but you only nodded, it wasn’t a surprise to you that your professors go to you if there’s any concerns regarding your fiance.

“He might as well drop my subject because he’s already failing,” your professor explained.

“What?” you asked, almost stumbling on your own tongue.

“He’s been absent for the past few weeks, and you know that attendance is still a crucial part of my subject. If he keeps on missing my classes, he’ll receive a failing grade in my subject, no considerations,” he said with a stern voice. 

You kept quiet for a moment, but only nodded. “I will inform him about this one, thank you so much sir.”

“I know that Arcanum is slowly becoming popular, but he still has to prioritize his studies,” your professor comments. 

You only gave him a formal smile before excusing yourself. As soon as you reached the hallway, you felt yourself in relief, but there was a hurtful tug on your heart. You couldn’t help but to grab your phone, dialing Sunghoon’s number. 

But all your calls went to his voicemail, you only stared at your phone, frozen from where you were standing. Your heart is beating at an abnormal pace and you hate that feeling.

You’re nervous. You hated feeling nervous. You’re nervous about Sunghoon, if he fails this subject, he’ll be delayed to graduate. He can’t delay. No, you two were supposed to graduate this year and after a few months, you two will get married before attending medical school. That’s the plan. There shouldn’t be any other options other than that. 

Of course you have to tell him about it, but the question was, does Sunghoon care? That’s what scares you the most. Because there’s a large possibility that he doesn’t care about it, he’ll let himself fail a subject if it means proving you wrong.

You couldn’t concentrate for the remaining day. Thoughts keep running in your mind, and to make it worse, none of your subjects were attended by Sunghoon. You don’t know his whereabouts since he wasn’t replying to your texts and calls, and you know that you’re going home to an empty house again.

Sunghoon is probably in his gig again, or maybe practicing somewhere. That’s what you thought when you entered the house, and your guess is right, it was empty and dark. As you close the door, there’s a small pain in your heart staring at the huge yet hollow house, wondering if this would be the house that you’ll go home to in a few years.

But your pondering was interrupted when you felt your phone vibrating, as you grabbed it and opened, you were surprised that Sunghoon’s calling you. 

“I’ve been calling you since earlier!” you shouted the moment you answered the call. 

“My parents’ are here, I spent the day with them in case you’re wondering why I was absent for today,” Sunghoon said boredly, and despite his cold tone, you were relieved to hear his explanation.

“You should’ve told me that instead of having me wonder where the hell are you,” you replied.

“Get dressed, they’re taking us out for dinner, I know you’re home by now, so we’ll pick you around thirty minutes,” and with that, Sunghoon ends the call. He didn’t even acknowledge your answer. You could only look at your phone for a minute before deciding to go to your room and find a nice outfit for dinner. 

Sunghoon’s parents  are a lovely couple who treated you like their own daughter. As soon as they arrive at your place to pick you up, Mrs. Park immediately approaches you with a smile on her face, hugging you tightly which you only reciprocate. 

“Y/n dear! Look at you, so pretty as ever,” she said with a smile, brushing your hair which only made you smile wider. “Don’t get too stressed, okay? I know with graduation nearing, it can be stressful for you two. Just don’t worry about your marriage, focus on your studies first.”

You only let out a small chuckle, “of course auntie, thank you for the concern.”

“You’re looking out for Sunghoon,” she whispered, knowing that the subject was in the room. “It can be hard sometimes, right? I’m just happy that you’re the one that he’s going to marry. He doesn’t know how lucky he is.”

The smile on your face almost slipped, but you managed to give her a nod. The beaming smile on Mrs. Park’s lips make you wonder what she would feel if she learned about how disastrous her son is now — or how his fiance couldn’t even tame him down. 

“Of course, thank you for putting your trust in me.” instead, fake words slipped out of your mouth perfectly even though you were itching to snitch your fiance to his mother. 

Mrs. Park only pats your cheeks one last time before calling out Mr. Park and Sunghoon, indicating that the four of you should go now. 

Arriving at the restaurant, the four of you went straight to the VIP room where food was already served. Dinner immediately commenced with a few talks and chit-chats.

“Graduation is near,” Mr. Park said in the middle of the dinner, glancing at you and Sunghoon. “Any plans? University of choice for your med school?”

“Decelis’ medical school is one of the top,” you answered diligently. “I might stay there.”

“Ah, I do remember, both your parents attended Decelis Medical School, good choice for you y/n,” Mr. Park pointed out. 

“How about you Sunghoon dear?” Mrs. Park asked. 

You only glanced at Sunghoon who busied himself with the food. He gives his parents a bored stare before picking up the meat on his plate, “Probably Decelis too.”

“Ah I see, you don’t want to get separated from y/n, such a sweetheart,” Mrs. Park teasingly said. 

Sunghoon softly scoffs, making you glance at him. His action were left unnoticed by his parents. When Sunghoon glanced at you, he raised an eyebrow, and you wanted to say something but you held yourself back. Knowing that you two are just putting up a show to his parents.

The remaining hours were filled with nothing but silence, which you are used to. Talks about college were all the conversation revolved around, and somehow, Sunghoon managed to answer his parents’ questions like he was a diligent student who’s top of his class. 

“Take care of the two of you okay? We’ll see you during your break,” after a few goodbyes and hugs, Sunghoon’s parents have left the two of you back in your house. The two of you watched their car leave and with that, Sunghoon turns around and enters the house. 

You followed him, heels clanking against the marble floor. You watched as he unbuttons his sleeved shirt’s button, walking towards his room when you called him out. 

“You should be glad that I didn’t tell them that you’re on the edge of failing a subject,” you blurted out. 

Sunghoon merely laughs in disbelief, “oh, now I should be glad that you saved my ass earlier? Thank you then.”

You chose to ignore his sarcastic remark, “Sunghoon, you can’t give up now, we’re graduating, do you really want to get yourself delayed?” 

Sunghoon only stared at you, “what if I do? Is there something you can do about it?”

You only blink for a second. “Fine, go on and get delayed, fail a subject if you want to. But do I have to remind you that Arcanum’s a university band? And by Decelis’ rules, they allow bands to perform as long as they don’t have a failing grade? So if you want to be so hard-headed about not attending class, say goodbye to your band then.” 

“You’re so annoying aren’t you? Using Arcanum just so I can continue studying medicine,” Sunghoon exhales. 

A haunting smirk plastered on your face, “oh no sweetheart, I’m just reminding you that you can’t chase after Arcanum, especially when it’s still tied in Decelis and your studies. So maybe rethink your life choices now before your parents find out about the mess that you’ve been doing.” 

Sunghoon mockingly laughs, “you’re such a stuck-up to my parents.”

“Then make a fucking choice Hoon,” you challenged. “Them finding out through me or Decelis? Either way, it’s not going to end well, so fix yourself and get some sleep tonight. We have class tomorrow at eight. Goodnight to you.”

You end the conversation by passing by him. Going straight to your room where you immediately locked yourself. You lean against the door, Eyes shutting tightly as you try to steady your breathing. You can feel all the energy leaving your body, wanting nothing more to sleep.

You always say to yourself that you won’t give up on Sunghoon, but days like these feel like every effort you give to him is useless. 

-

The following day, you and Sunghoon arrived at Decelis University together, creating a buzz in the campus. It was a rare occurrence for you to attend together.

Everyone knows. It's obvious that your relationship has been becoming astray, and yet, your “power couple” status remains the same. No one attempted to pursue you nor girls couldn’t flirt with Sunghoon not only because you two are tied together, but because you two are deemed untouchable because of your background. 

You two entered the classroom, Sunghoon going to the corner seat near the window while you opted for the second row near the aisle. A few mutters can be heard, but you chose to ignore it, getting used to people talking about you and Sunghoon’s ‘stray relationship.’

The day goes on, classes and laboratories continue on and on, and you’ve done the class with ease. You didn’t talk to Sunghoon but you observed that he managed to catch up with your lectures despite his absences. Natural Sunghoon, he can be gone for half of the semester, and still manage to top his grades. 

“Go home already,” Sunghoon said to you by the end of the class. “I have a gig tonight.”

You only gave him a bitter smile, “of course you have.”

But instead of leaving you there, Sunghoon raised an eyebrow, “you know this y/n.”

“And I’m used to it,” you sharply said. “Why are you still standing there? Go now before I convince you to not go to your gig tonight.’

Sunghoon gave you another look before turning around, watching him leave the classroom as you stood there. Short conversations, sarcastic remarks, and bitter statements that’ll lead to arguments. You wonder when will this end?

“What’s wrong? You’re out of focus today,” Yizhuo asked with a worried tone. You only place your tennis racket down as you grab your water bottle.

“Just the same usual thing,” you answer, sitting on the bench as your best friend did the same thing. She places her hand on your thigh, lightly patting it. 

“Sunghoon again? You know you should stop chasing after him.”

“It’s not that I am chasing him, I’m already tied to him —” you heaved out another heavy sigh. “He’s the one chasing after a dream. Bands? What’s his future with them? After college, they’ll be gone, it’s not like they’ll continue playing after college.”

“He seems to be so passionate about it,” Yizhuo pointed out. “Watched their performance last week at The Rabbit Hole, they’re great by the way.”

“He should be focusing on med school,” you explained. “But he’s out there performing and getting drunk, I don’t know Ning, I don’t know what to do with him. His parents trusted me to take care of him —”

“There you go again, worrying about things that aren’t your control,” your best friend gently pats your back. “You know, you can always back out of the marriage? You’re still young! You might even meet someone better in med school.”

That’s when you stifle a laugh, “how can I? My parents arranged this one.”

“Ran away! Do you really want to spend your life with that idiot?”

You didn’t answer your friend. Your smile disappeared, and for a moment, you only looked at the court where strangers were playing tennis. Your focus shifted to the tennis ball bouncing back and forth from the players until it went out of the court. 

“I do,” you said softly, because from the very start, it has always been Sunghoon. You couldn’t imagine yourself looking for others when Sunghoon is right there from the very start. 

“You’re going to let yourself be a fool for him huh?” Yizhuo asked with a disappointed tone. 

But you only looked at your best friend with a determined smile, “no, I’m going to make him quit the band.”

“You know you’re already doing it but nothing’s changing,” Yizhuo said. You only gave her a smile before standing up from the bench, you two went back to the table where your bags are located. 

“Then I just have to keep on trying more,” you pointed out, fishing out your phone, you opened it and saw missed calls from Sunghoon — which is a surprise. 

You pressed Sunghoon’s number and after a few rings, it answered. 

“Hello?” an unfamiliar voice called. 

“Hello, who is this?” you asked.

“It’s Heeseung, Sunghoon’s bandmate.”

“Oh! I remember you, you study education right?”

Heeseung faintly chuckles from the background, “yes, that would be me, but listen, uhm…Sunghoon’s drunk right now —”

“Already? It’s only ten in the evening.” 

“Yeah, but you know his alcohol tolerance — listen, uhm can you pick him up? He’s passed out on the couch but doesn’t want to get inside Jay’s car for some reason.” you can sense Heeseung’s apologetic tone, which only made you roll your eyes.

“It’s not like I can leave him there right? Can you send me the location, I’ll be there in a few minutes, I’m just at Decelis’ tennis club,” you said.

“I’ll send it right now, thank you y/n.” And with that, the call ended. You grabbed your bag and bid Yizhuo goodbye. 

“Just reminding you that you can always leave him!” your best friend shouted, and you only gave her a glare before sprinting towards your car.

Sunghoon’s location drove you to a huge house, just a few blocks away from the university. Parking your car nearby, you got off from it and headed towards the entrance, ringing the bell twice. 

The door opened, revealing a tall and familiar guy who you assumed was Heeseung.

“You’re here, that’s great, we’ll get Sunghoon but come in first,” he said with a smile, you only nod as you enter the house. 

“You’re Heeseung right?” you asked as you two walked towards the living room. Heeseung stops and looks at you, he looks surprised but only nods. 

“Yeah, this is probably the first time we met, I only see you inside the campus and that’s a rare occurrence.” he said. 

Entering the living room, the first thing you saw was Sunghoon flat-out dead on the couch while some boys were cleaning the mess on the coffee table along with some girls. Can beers and bottles of vodkas placed on the table along with some snacks, while their instruments are set-up on a corner. 

“He said that he was on a gig,” you stated, walking towards Sunghoon. 

“Yeah, we just finished it earlier and he kinda insisted that we celebrate it,” Heeseung shrugs. 

“He has the guts to drink his heart out and then not go to class the next day,” you muttered under breath as you lightly shake Sunghoon’s shoulder.

“He’s not gonna wake up anytime soon,” said another voice. “I’m Jay, and this is Jungwon.”

“Hi, sorry for the hassle,” the blonde boy said.

“I’m sorry for Sunghoon too, I feel like you guys always have to take care of him whenever he’s like this.” 

“We’re used to it, no worries,” Jay assured. 

“And that worries me more because he just doesn’t stop,” you pointed out. “You’ll end up tolerating his bad habits.”

No one said a thing. The three of them watched as you attempted to pull Sunghoon to sit up from his place, you were struggling but you were persistent.

They know how much you dislike Arcanum, seeing it as nothing but a university band who performs. Despite all of Sunghoon’s rants and complaints about you, the remaining three decided to be civil with you since they know that you’re going to be Sunghoon’s future wife.

“If that’s your worry, we don’t tolerate bad habits here,” Heeseung breaks the silence approaching you as he lifts Sunghoon on his shoulders, along with the other two who held his limbs. 

“That’s not my only worry,” you whispered, Heeseung glances at you before proceeding to carry Sunghoon outside towards your car. 

They set him neatly on the passenger seat, Sunghoon didn’t move nor made a sound as they put on his seatbelt. It’s safe to assume that he’s passed-out drunk and frustration is written all over your face. They weren’t that stupid to notice it, Sunghoon has lately become too attached with alcohol.

“You guys know that he’s studying medicine right? After college, he’s going to med school,” you asked them, who only glanced at each other, knowing that it’s the total opposite of what Sunghoon has been telling them. 

“If he keeps going on like this, I don’t know what will happen to him in the future,” you said one last time before going inside your car and driving away from the place. 

The silence was devouring, you kept on glancing at Sunghoon from time to time, checking if he had gained consciousness or not. You only tighten your hold on the steering wheel as you speeden your drive towards your place. 

As you arrive at your house, that’s when you face the challenge of carrying Sunghoon inside your place. You opened the door of the passenger seat and lightly shake Sunghoon’s shoulder. He didn’t budge for a moment, that’s when you called out his name, shaking it harsher than before. 

You watch as Sunghoon’s eyebrows knit, letting out a frustrated groan as he attempts to open his eyes. 

“Get up now, we’re home,” you told him.

“y/n?” he asked before closing his eyes. 

“Sunghoon! Wake up please!” you pleaded. But he didn’t move again, so you stood there, thinking about what to do with him. That’s when you used all your strength to swing his heavy arms around your shoulders but as soon as you attempted to pull him out of the car, he didn’t budge. 

“Fucking hell,” you curse, removing his shoulder. This time, you shake his head while screaming his name. For a few seconds, he opens his eyes confused and drowsy. 

“Just lean on me,” you instructed, you grabbed his shoulders once again and this time, Sunghoon managed to move on his own, leaning his huge body against yours. You could only groan as you helped him walk inside your house. 

You didn’t even manage to reach his room, Sunghoon found himself stumbling in the living room — towards the couch where you couldn’t do anything but to fix his position. You left the living room and returned in a minute with a blanket and a pillow for him. 

Gently, you place the pillow below his head and put the blanket on him. Then you stood there, eyes never leaving Sunghoon who’s sleeping now. You kneeled in front of him, brushing his messy bangs so that you could see his face closer.

“What am I going to do with you Hoon?” you whispered, eyes never leaving his face. Sunghoon looks so peaceful and gentle in his sleep — this is probably the only time you see him this peaceful. 

A bitter smile escapes your lips because the more you look at him, the more it slowly sinks into you that tomorrow won’t be like this.  “Goodnight Sunghoon,” you mumbled, patting his head one last time before returning to your room. 

-

Your routine was disrupted when Sunghoon barged into the kitchen, angry and frustrated. 

“Y/n!? What the fuck!?” you stopped your tracks, turning off the stove before turning around to see a disheveled and mad Sunghoon in front of you. 

“Is there something wrong?” you asked.

“Don’t act so fucking innocent now, you know what you did,” Sunghood accused you. 

“Maybe get straight to the point rather than pointing fingers on me,” you replied. 

“You told my friends about med school,” he answered. “Now they think that Arcanum’s messing up my future.”

“Well isn’t it? Sunghoon, you really think that you’re going to play in that band forever?” you taunted. It’s been a few days since you had a talk with his band members. The following day that time, everything seems to be normal for you — not until now that Sunghoon had discovered it. 

“What if I want to? What if I told you that I am not planning to go to med school and I want to perform instead?” he taunted back, stepping forward in front of you which made you step backward, trapping you between the kitchen counter. 

“That’s not what’s planned Sunghoon,” you breathe, forehead creasing as you only stare at him dead. “You knew from the start, ever since we got engaged — engagement, college, marriage, then med school. That was the plan.”

“Have you ever thought that maybe things might change y/n? Maybe I want to perform now rather than take over my father’s business.”

“So you’ll be a disappointment?” you mocked. “You’ll go after your dream? Performing stupid songs and covers rather than repaying your parents’ efforts on you?”

“At least I know what I want, can’t say that to you since you can’t decide for yourself,” Sunghoon mocks. 

A stinging pain burned on Sunghoon’s cheeks. It took him a minute to sink in what you just did, but he could only laugh mockingly as your eyes remained at him, wide but filled with anger. Your palms numbed as it rounded to conceal yourself from doing it again.

“At least I know what’s best for me, and you may not like it but we’re engaged Sunghoon, and I’m not going to let our future be ruined by some mere passion of yours,” you stated, gritting your teeth as your stare became cold. 

Sunghoon didn’t say another word. His eyes speak for it that he’s angry, and he’s only controlling himself from hurting you despite the fact that you hurt him first. You could only stare at him, not attempting to back down. 

But it was as if there’s an angel watching over you, the doorbell rang, indicating a visitor. The two of you turned your head towards the door, and before anyone could say another word, you pushed Sunghoon out of your way, walking towards the door and opening it. 

“Wonyoung!?” you shouted, surprised to see your best friend. 

“Surprise!” the girl shouted in glee, stretching her arms to pull you a hug which you dearly reciprocated. 

“Oh my god, you’re here?” you asked, breaking out from the hug.

“I just got back from Milan and went straight here,” Wonyoung winks before she steps inside your house, your eyes following her as she goes to Sunghoon. 

“Sunghoon! I miss you!” Wonyoung shouted, embracing Sunghoon who only reciprocated it. 

“Long time no see, Wonnie,” Sunghoon gently said.

“It’s great — what happened to your face?” Wonyoung asked, seeing his left cheeks red. 

“Bumped on a wall, but it doesn’t hurt,” Sunghoon lied, before glancing at you who only stared at him coldly.

Wonyoung seems to be convinced by it, laughing it off before pulling you two to a hug. Squealing how much she has missed you two — oblivious about the fight that happened just minutes ago. 

“Do you want some drinks? Come on, sit down for a while,” Sunghoon insisted, ignoring you as he ushered Wonyoung towards the living room. You immediately noticed how Sunghoon’s face lit up, his smile becoming wider that his eyes turned into two curves — the first time in the many months that you saw Sunghoon’s genuine smile. 

It wasn’t always you and Sunghoon ever since you two were kids — there were the three of you. 

Wonyoung is a best friend of yours. A sister that you always needed. She’s a free-spirited girl who always indulges in fun even if it means getting the three of you in trouble. 

Unlike you and Sunghoon, Wonyoung’s family is richer. She was rich enough to have a choice not to attend college and spend her parents’ money that won’t even dent their bank account. While you and Sunghoon are studying in Decelis, Wonyoung was traveling a lot, attending fashion weeks, and brand launches. Slowly, she became a well-known influencer and socialite that collaborates with well-known brands and walks for their runway. It was hard to get a glimpse of her, that’s why it surprised you that she’s here in the city. 

“So, what brings you here instead of going back to our hometown?” you asked, placing the glass of juice in front of her. 

“Mom and dad’s here, they’re actually planning on renewing their vows — oh by the way, you two are invited there and so are your parents, it’s an intimate event but you know them, they want it grandiose and perfect, so I have to help in organizing it,” Wonyoung diligently said. “And I miss you guys! It’s been like a year since we last hung out, hopefully I’m not intruding on whatever plans you have though.”

Talking about wrong timing. You thought. Everything is crumbling between you and Sunghoon but you don’t want Wonyoung to know about that, so you only gave her smile and said, “everything’s fine, a bit hectic because it’s senior year, but it’s a rare case that you’re here, so we’ll make time.” 

Wonyoung only pouts, “you guys, I really miss you, seriously! I love my job but it gets lonely sometimes.”

“You can always go back to college,” Sunghoon teased, making Wonyoung glare at him. 

“Ugh, you dumbass, if I returned to college, you guys would have already graduated!” Wonyoung whined while Sunghoon only laughed. 

“Anyways, I just dropped by to show up to you guys, just tell me when you guys are free, maybe we could go out for dinner — oh, I wanted to see Decelis too! How’s that sound?” Wonyoung delightfully suggested. 

“We’ll make time for you Won, just tell us when you’re free,” Sunghoon answered, making you glance at him. 

Wonyoung only smiled at the answer. She told the two of you that she’s free all the time since there’s not much preparation going on. As she bid goodbye to you, you only gave her a short smile before she was walked out of the door by Sunghoon. Watching the two of them exchange banters before Sunghoon closes the door. 

You stood up from your seat, ready to leave when Sunghoon cornered you immediately. 

“You think we’re done? I’m not done yet y/n,” Sunghoon growled. 

But you only gave him a bored smile, “Wonyoung’s here Hoon, can we just not do this? I don’t want her seeing us fight —”

“You care more about what others think of us huh? Of course, you don’t want everyone to see the ‘perfect daughter’ imperfect.”

“It’s seldom for us to see Wonnie, I don’t want her to think that our friendship is ruined, we’re the only one that she has,” you pointed out. 

“Well, too bad for her, it’s already ruined, the moment both of us got engaged.” Sunghoon didn’t even let you say another word. He eventually went back to his room, slamming the door loudly like he always does. 

You remained there standing, words deeply cutting through your mind. You looked at Sunghoon’s door once again, before heaving a sigh. The palm of your hand remained heavy, guilt swallowing you knowing that perhaps, you went too far this time. 

-

Over the weekend, the three of you went out as per Wonyoung’s request. Going to a nearby mall where you three had brunch, played at the arcade, and even took photos at the photobooth. The whole day felt nice for you, it felt like you three are back as teens who would sneak out at night just to hangout and drive around town. 

While you and Sunghoon are still not okay, a silent truce was made for Wonyoung. You two never tried to argue or fight whenever she’s around, and although it can be suffocating for the both of you, you two tried to act as normal as possible. 

“I do wonder what would happen to us if I stayed and studied college,” Wonyoung ponders. The three of you decided to have ramen and convenience store snacks by the end of the day, opting to watch the sunset at a nearby park. It was Wonyoung’s request because she was curious what it feels like, seeing it on social media not knowing that this is also the first time you and Sunghoon had experienced it. 

“What makes you think about that?” you asked.

Wonyoung only smiles, “you guys seem to be so secured with your future, becoming doctors and stuff, while me? I don’t know what I am doing.”

“You’re doing what you love,” Sunghoon butts in. “And that matters, you know? At least you love what you’re doing, not because it’ll secure you a good future.” 

You know what Sunghoon was trying to say, but you remained quiet, watching as Wonyoung nodded at Sunghoon’s advice. 

“You’re right, I do love the free pr packages and clothes,” Wonyoung jokes, laughing before pulling you two to a hug. “You guys are the best, hope nothing changes with the three of us.”

A meaningful glance was exchanged between you and Sunghoon. Not one said a word, only actions spoke as both of you embraced your best friend back.

The following week, Decelis University had a one-day event, cancelling academic activities which was an opportunity for you to invite Wonyoung to tour around Decelis. She arrived around three in the afternoon, hugging you and Sunghoon as she complained how organizing her parents’ renewal of vows became hectic, happy that she was able to relax for today. 

The tour went on with ease, Wonyoung was curioused at the different department buildings of Decelis since its structure differed from others. Taking photos using her film camera which she used to take photos of the three of you too. 

“So this is called the lover’s garden because lovers often come here?” Wonyoung asked, pointing at Decelis’ botanical garden which is actually for botany and biology students. 

“More like a lover's hideaway, it’s pitch black there during night, I’m leaving up to your imagination what couples do there,” Sunghoon explains, a teasing smile on his lips as Wonyoung’s face distorted in disgust. 

“Ew! Why can’t you guys book a hotel room or something,” she commented and yet, her camera was ready. “Oh well, might as well take a picture of both of you —”

“What?” you asked, appalled. “Won, we never did it.”

“And save myself from imagining you two banging, just stand in front of the entrance! You guys are a couple right? Come on now, you two don’t have a photo together!” Wonyoung insisted. 

An exchange of glances was given, but before you could even complain once again, Sunghoon pulled you towards the entrance. 

“Come on now, the more you complain, the more Wonyoung will insist,” Sunghoon boredly explained. You didn’t say a word, you stood there before facing the camera. 

“Pose! You guys are so stiff, it’s like you two aren’t in love with each other,” Wonyoung taunted before preparing her camera again. 

Funny because you two aren’t at all. But no protest was made when Sunghoon swings his arms around your shoulder before pulling you closer. You can feel your heart skip a beat, but it was immediately reminded by your mind. The more you complain, the more Wonyoung insists. Sunghoon did it so that it can be finished early, so you fake a smile as Wonyoung clicks the button. 

She stares at the screen, smiles wide as she looks at you two, “you guys are perfect for each other.” 

“Very funny Won,” you sarcastically replied.

After the endless walking and tour, you three stumbled at your building’s cafeteria, buying drinks as Wonyoung is still in awe about your university, totally immersing herself with your college life. 

“What about dinner? I’m pretty sure you guys have a lot of good eateries around,” Wonyoung suggested, it was five-thirty in the afternoon, the sun was almost setting which meant that it's time for early dinner for most students.

“You guys can go on,” Sunghoon said, standing from his seat. “I have to go, I have a gig.”

You internally scoff, even if Wonyoung’s here, Sunghoon couldn’t bear to miss his band’s gig.

“Wait, can we watch?” Wonyoung excitedly asked, making the two of you look at her.

“Ask y/n if she wants to,” Sunghoon bitterly said, and you only looked away from him, rolling your eyes. 

“What? You haven’t seen Sunghoon’s gig?” your best friend asked, confused before gazing her eyes back to Sunghoon.

Your lips tightened, “I’m busy…I don’t have time —”

“Then this is a great time to watch his gig! Come on!”

You weren’t able to object, Wonyoung was so excited that it only left you quiet as she pulled you away from your seat. 

Arcanum’s weekly gig was held at The Rabbit Hole — a mixture of coffee shop and bar lounge under Decelis University’s funding. The place was cozy, designed with vintage interiors with a small stage place in the end. This is the first time you went to that place, almost surprised to see that it’s full of people; locals, students, and probably fans of Arcanum crowded the small establishment. 

You and Wonyoung find yourself at a table for two far from the stage but enough to see their performance. Sunghoon excuses himself as he went to the back room where it serves as Arcanum’s waiting room. 

“Do you even know that Sunghoon plays in the band?” Wonyoung jokes, eyes never leaving the menu on her hand. 

“I do, I just don’t have time to watch his performance,” you half-lied. The truth is, you never tried to find time to watch their performance. For what? You always say to Sunghoon whenever he invites you to his gig, you rather spend the time studying or doing something much important for you. 

“Well I’m glad I’m here because we’re going to watch him perform!” your best friend giggled, you only gave her a small smile before glancing at the menu once again. 

While waiting for your food to arrive, you noticed how the place slowly became full to the point that there weren’t any tables left and some people opted to stand instead. Your eyes never left the crowd, wondering if this is the usual situation to Arcanum’s gig. 

Around seven in the evening, your food arrived but you were startled when the crowd started screaming — mostly girls of course, making you shift your attention at the stage.

There they were, Arcanum. The four-member band of Decelis University. They changed their school uniform with a casual street-style outfit. Your eyes fixated on Sunghoon who’s wearing a football jersey, pairing it with a huge chain necklace and cargo pants.

You watch as he busies himself with his keyboard — the instrument that he bought by saving up his allowance. You remember how he excitedly unboxed it in the living room, even testing it out while you sat on the couch reviewing for your midterm exams. Somehow, he was careful with it, caring for it like it’s his own child. 

“Wow, we have a full house tonight!” your attention immediately caught on Heeseung who’s in the center, holding a bass guitar as his smile was wide and gleaming. Screams can be heard from the crowd, a fangirl even shouted “I love you Heeseung!” which only made the vocalist chuckle. 

“Before that, let’s have a crowd check don’t we? Who's here for the first time?” Heeseung asked, raising his hands which a few in the crowd followed. 

“Us! It’s our first time!” you were startled when Wonyoung shouted loudly, standing up from her seat as she grabbed your hands and raised it together with hers — caughting Heeseung’s attention, an evident smirk on the male’s lips can be seen.

“Oh? I am seeing familiar faces here, do we Hoon?” the vocalist teased, Sunghoon only smirked as he crossed his arms. 

“I have to impress my guests, so you better do your best Hee,” Sunghoon nonchalantly replied before glancing at the two of you. Eyes immediately locking on yours as he raised his eyebrow knowingly — like he was telling you that he was meant to be there, performing. 

“Well better set the mood right, come on guys,” with that, Heeseung signals the band and at the count of three, they start playing synchronically. 

The crowd started screaming. You can see it, how synergized they were. They weren’t just there to perform, they were also having fun. The way Heeseung interacted with the crowd along with Jay, making the small stage as his own. He then stands in front of the microphone stand, singing the first line of a song unfamiliar to you. 

“The vocalist sounds so good!” you hear Wonyoung exclaim and you only nod at her words, it is true that Heeseung was good, but your eyes darted to Sunghoon. 

There he was, blending in the background along with Jungwon who’s at the drums, but compared to the junior, Sunghoon wasn’t banging his head as the drumsticks slammed against the drums. He wasn’t like Heeseung who controls the crowd, nor Jay who’s rocking his electric guitar like crazy. 

Sunghoon was there like a quiet mystery, a controlled relaxed expression as he immersed himself with playing the keyboard, a few head nods as his chords synchronised with others. You could only blink, deja vu hitting you all of the sudden — you remember the first time you saw Sunghoon. 

He bores the same expression that he had back when he was young. Your gaze locked on him, not noticing how your eyes met each other, but quickly, Sunghoon looked away and continued playing. Something inside you was burning, strangely your heart was beating like crazy as you watched Sunghoon perform.

You didn’t even notice that the song was finished. The crowd applauded and cheered for them, Heeseung jokingly bows before asking if the crowd wants some more. 

Throughout the whole gig, your eyes never left Sunghoon. Throughout their whole performance, you watch him change his expression more than the duration that you two had lived together, but all only fell into one conclusion — Sunghoon was happy to perform. You can see it from the way he was serious while playing the keyboard up to the way he joked with his bandmates, letting out small laughter and eye smiles throughout the small break. 

The gig ends around nine in the evening. As they stepped down from the stage, people swarmed them excitedly. Asking for pictures and small talks. You watch as Sunghoon happily accepts his fans’ request, taking pictures with them, which made Wonyoung laugh, knowing that Sunghoon can be awkward with strangers.

“Congrats! You guys are so awesome!” Wonyoung exclaimed as soon as Sunghoon approached you two. 

“Thanks Won,” Sunghoon quietly said, before glancing at you. A moment of silence hovered between the two of you before Wonyoung nudged you. 

“You did great,” you told him, giving him a small smile afterwards. 

Sunghoon’s eyes widened, surprised by your words. You only looked away, embarrassed while Sunghoon’s gaze remained at you. 

“Thank you,” he said softly. 

“It’s nothing Hoon,” you quickly turned down. 

The night ended with the three of you remaining at The Rabbit Hole for some light dinner and drinks. Sunghoon introduced Arcanum to you and Wonyoung once again, and it wasn’t a surprise that Wonyoung got along with them easily. You remain quiet throughout the night, listening to their conversation while you only take your space at the end of the table — knowing that you don’t relate to them at all.

Around eleven in the evening, you drop Wonyoung off to the hotel where she was staying, reminding you about her parents’ second wedding before bidding you two goodbye. The drive back to your home was quiet, an awkward atmosphere that both of you couldn’t comprehend. You can feel Sunghoon’s glance at you at every minute but you chose to ignore it, too tired to give it a meaning. 

“Do you mean it?” The moment you two stepped inside the living room, Sunghoon broke the tension between you two. 

You only turned around, a bored gaze staring at him but he remained unfazed. 

“Do you mean what you said earlier?” he asked, merely audible like he was embarrassed to ask you that.

For a moment you ponder. You wanted to tell him that it reminds you from the time that you two first met. Like the Sunghoon who you grew up with — but your mind stopped you. What for? If you told him that, it meant that he was right, he’s much better to be a keyboardist than a doctor. That means you accept his passion. 

“I wish you could’ve put that same energy in your studies,” so you told him that instead. A cold statement that your mind won’t stop reminding him. 

From there, you saw how the small hope in his eyes faded, followed by bitter laughter escaping from his lips. “Why did I even bother asking you again.”

He passes by you, like you’re nothing but a ghost, going straight to his room while you left there standing alone, guilt slowly growing in your heart. 

-

The second wedding of Wonyoung’s parents was extravagant just like what your best friend said. A small private reception was held at a banquet of a five-star hotel after their renewal at a small hall nearby. Flowers filled the white crystallized hall, something straight out of a royalty. You could only awe as you entered the place, arms clutched at Sunghoon who merely spoke throughout the day. 

“Sunghoon, y/n! Glad to see you two!” Mrs. Jang approached you two with a hug and kiss, you only smiled at the woman who’s like a mother to you. 

“Congratulations auntie, the vows were so sweet, I almost cried!” you said, making the woman laugh. 

“I bet you’ll write better vows than me,” she winks. “Both your parents have been talking about retirement and taking care of their grandkids from you two — gosh! You two are still young! I told them.” 

You only stifled a laugh to hide the awkwardness, Mrs. Jang only gave your arms a small squeeze, glancing at you and Sunghoon once again. “You two still have a long way to go, I hope you two won’t give up on each other.” 

You became quiet for a minute, but immediately, you gave her a smile before nodding. “Of course, thank you auntie.” 

Mrs. Jang excused herself to entertain other guests, so you took the opportunity to find your assigned seat where you and Sunghoon sat. Wonyoung was busying herself with the event organizer, you can see the stress on her face but she always lights up whenever she passes the two of you, promising you two that she’ll make it up to you two later.

It didn’t take too long for both of your parents to arrive. You and Sunghoon welcomed them with greetings and hugs, and it was obvious in their face that they were so happy to see you two together.

“Look at you two, you two are like a match made in heaven!” Mrs. Park compliments, you only chuckle at her words. 

“I can hear the wedding bells already! What do you think sweetie? Will this be a great reception for your wedding?” your mother suggested.

“Mom please, let’s not talk about that right now,” you awkwardly said. 

“It’s going to happen anyways,” your mother insisted. “But I do hope you two are doing well in your studies.”

“Of course, everything is going well auntie,” it was Sunghoon who answered, making you glance at him. Faking a smile to your mother who only pats his shoulders with glee.

“Well, that’s glad to hear,” your father answered. “I heard that you two will be attending Decelis Medical School. The passing rate is small there, I’m not scaring you two, just trying to remind you two.” 

“Dad, we’ll be fine, put trust in the two of us,” you assured. 

“Everyone’s expecting from the two of you,” Mr. Park added. “Families, friends, colleagues, everyone. They say there’s no couple who will have a better life than you two.”

Somehow, that only puts more weights on your shoulder. They’re still expecting, and you don’t know what to say to them, hence, you only put a fake smile as an awkward chuckle escapes your lips. 

“Of course,” Sunghoon answers casually like he wasn’t the one who’s actually ruining the whole engagement. “Can you excuse us for a moment? I would like to dance y/n.”

“Oh, such a sweetheart! Of course, you don’t need to tell us that,” Mrs. Park insisted. 

Sunghoon only glances at you, offering his right hand to you, which you only accepted. You knew that he didn’t actually want to dance with you, it’s just an excuse for you two to escape the conversations with both your parents before it gets worse. 

But it leads you two to an even more awkward atmosphere. Your head low as you ignore Sunghoon’s stare that has you melting like ice. Right hand clasps to each other while your other hand is on his shoulder, as his other hand is on your waist, holding you dearly as you two dance along with other couples on the circle.

It felt orchestrated, stiff like two robots forced to dance. You could only listen to the music as you follow Sunghoon’s steps. 

“You didn’t have to do this,” you said. 

“Rather have this than straight-up lie to our parents,” he said, which only made you bitterly laugh. 

“You don’t need to lie if you weren’t fucking around,” that’s when you look at him, trying to remove his hold when he tugs you closer. His eyes bore nothing but coldness, while yours was intense, filled with annoyance.

“Everyone’s watching us,” Sunghoon whispered. “You’re not going to make a mess aren’t you?”

“Why would I make a mess at someone’s wedding? That’ll be shameful Hoon,” you stated the obvious. “I’ll be surprised if you’re the one who’ll make a scene.” 

“Of course, you always think that I’ll do something like that,” he replied. 

“With all the bullshits and mess you’ve been doing lately, it doesn’t surprise me at all,” you gave him a knowing smile. His hold on you tightens, squeezing your hands and you’re convinced that a mark on your waist will bloom the following day. But you didn’t want to back down, your eyes remained at him as you two continued to dance. 

The song ended after what feels like an eternity. Immediately, you and Sunghoon stopped, making you remove his hold from you before giving him another bitter smile. 

“I need a drink, excuse me,” you said, leaving him standing there. 

You remained on the champagne section, lightly sipping the drink which you internally wince. You’re not used to alcoholic drinks but tonight feels like you needed it — maybe two or three, because you honestly don’t know what to do with your life.

The event, supposedly an event where everyone witnessed a renewal of love, made you sick rather than feel romantic. Everything’s suffocating, knowing that you’re the only one who knows about Sunghoon’s rebellion and you can’t do nothing about him while that asshole still managed to put up a show and spew lies to both your parents. 

On your fourth glass, the song suddenly changed into a bright, lively one. A disco song from the 80s that had people in gowns and tuxedos dance drunkenly. And yet, you remained in the corner, watching the crowd even seeing your parents were on the dance floor too, you stifled a laugh because they were probably reminiscing about their youth. 

From there, you caught a glimpse of them. You placed down the glass, stepping forward to see the two of them dancing. 

Sunghoon and Wonyoung. They weren’t not only dancing, but they were laughing too. You watch as the two of them dance, copying each other’s steps, synchronising as they sing along the song. You stood there, frozen. Your eyes never leave them, watching how Sunghoon twirled Wonyoung — like they’re in their own world.

Your fist turned round, nails digging on your palm as you tried to control yourself. Something about them brewed something in you. An unexplainable feeling that you don’t want to acknowledge. Watching them hold hands as they spun along to the music, while you remained nailed to a corner, your stomach wrenched into a weird feeling. — then it hit you. Everything makes sense now. 

That’s it. You didn’t think twice anymore. You went back to your table, grabbing the purse you brought and without looking back, you quietly exited the party. 

You found yourself inside the restroom, locking yourself inside as you tried to control your breathing. Closing your eyes, you tried to relax — but the scene earlier just keeps on replaying in your mind. Your hold on the sink tightens, almost scraping your nails against the marble texture. 

As much as you want to insist that you and Sunghoon are already arranged to marry each other, Sunghoon is far from being yours.

This has always been a marriage of convenience. You always remind that to yourself. Yet, there’s not a day where you wish that Sunghoon would see you differently. That you wish that he sees the reason why you’re doing everything for him. But from what you witnessed earlier, you realized that his heart beats for someone else.

All hopes lost. The signs are there. How can you let someone be married to you when he yearns for another? Everything you’ve done for him crumbled in an instant. Wasted and useless, because not only were your feelings devastated, but you also ruined your friendship with him. 

For the first time, you accept your own defeat. You stared at the mirror, seeing your reflection disgusted you. A spiraling feeling where as you stare at her, all you can see is a deceitful girl who was too selfish and prideful — wondering, if this is all Sunghoon can see in you.

With a heavy heart, you left the restroom, walking towards the empty hallway when someone called your name. You turned around to see him standing there. Your heart skipped a beat but it’s all because of the nervousness that you were feeling.

“Where did you go?” Sunghoon asked, approaching you but you walked away further, not until he grabbed you by your arms. 

“Let me go Sunghoon,” you coldly said, which made Sunghoon let go.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, I thought you’re not going to make a scene?” he sarcastically stated, making you roll your eyes, seeing that it’s just you and him in the hallway. 

“Says the guy who made a scene earlier,” you mocked.

It took a minute for Sunghoon to process what you said, eyebrows knitted as he looked at you with anger. “There’s nothing wrong with dancing with Wonyoung.”

You took a deep breath before facing him. “You like Wonyoung,”

There it is, the heavy feeling that you’ve been holding in ever since your best friend had returned. 

You can see it. You’re not dumb to not observe it. Still, it hurts as much as you want to avoid it, you couldn’t ignore the way Sunghoon’s eyes light up whenever he talks to Wonyoung. How his voice becomes soft and gentle — something that he has never done to you, and never will he.

Tonight was the final nail. As you watch them dance together, it's hard to ignore that something was sparkling between the two of them, and you hate that the truth is there is. They would make such a better couple, a healthier couple if you must say. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Sunghoon asked, appalled. 

“You can’t fool me Sunghoon, you like Wonyoung, I can see the way you look at her, like she’s everything to you,” you explained, and every word bites you, hurting you slowly like a venom trailing on your blood. 

“I don’t like her,” Sunghoon confessed, and yet, he only stares at you deadpan. “But if I had the choice, I’ll marry her instead.” 

For a moment you were quiet, then, a bitter laugh escaped your lips because the statement hurts more than Sunghoon actually having feelings for your best friend. “You really hate me, don’t you?”

“Hate is such a deep word y/n, I don’t hate you, we are just too different,” Sunghoon explained. 

“I guess you and Wonyoung are much more similar to each other then,” you mocked. 

“She supports my passion. She understands where I am coming from,” Sunghoon pointed out. “Something you never attempt to do.” 

You only let out a deep sigh before staring at him one last time. You can feel it, the thumping beat of your heart, the short clasps of your breathing as you could only grasp on your hand tightly.

“If that’s the case Sunghoon, let's just end this engagement, nothing good will come out of this.”

Sunghoon looks at you confused, surprised that those words came out of your mouth. “What —”

“Hoon, I give up.” you confessed. “I am done cleaning up your mess, convincing you to focus on becoming a doctor while you go around playing in the band, getting drunk, and here you are, blatantly lying to your parents, acting like everything’s normal.” 

“And who asked you to do that for me? No one, right? Admit it y/n, you’re just scared because the perfect life that you’ve planned was gone.” Sunghoon pointed out.

“You’re right Sunghoon, that’s why let’s stop this engagement. I don’t want to be married to a guy like you, and clearly you don’t want to marry me either.” 

Sunghoon gives you a mocking smile. “A guy like me? Like I didn’t know your feelings for me, y/n,”

“The Sunghoon that I loved was the one who was diligent, dedicated, and nice. The one who was excited to study in Decelis to become a doctor. The one who makes me smile and cares for me. Not the drunkard asshole who’s chasing after a dream because suddenly, your life revolves around playing in the band.” you confessed, glaring at him one last time before walking away.

But it didn’t take Sunghoon a minute to reach after you, grabbing your arms and pulling you closer.

“You really think you can walk away from all of this?” Sunghoon demanded, which made you scoff. 

“What is your problem!? Shouldn’t you be happy? You’re free now!” you shouted, pushing him on his chest, making him step backward and letting you go. That’s when you felt your body weakening, you could only hold on your knees as you felt something wet streaming down your eyes. You softly tap your eyes, not noticing how fast the tears streamed down your face. 

This is the probably the first time you cried. You never cried when you fell from your bicycle. You never cried when you went second place on the honor’s list. You never cried when your parents lecture you. Crying is a sign of weakness for you and you know yourself, that you’re not weak. 

You wanted to curse everything but only a mocking laugh was all you could do. You hated yourself for being vulnerable for a split second — that you cried because of Sunghoon. Of all the reasons that made you cry, it really has to be him. 

That’s when you stood up, glancing at Sunghoon whose eyes widened to see your watery eyes. He tries to approach you but you only look away. That’s when you turned around, running towards the exit and leaving Sunghoon there frozen. 

As soon as you reached your place, you went straight to your room and locked it. You leaned against the door as you deeply exhaled — but that’s where the first outburst came. You dropped to your knees, hands covering your face as you continued to wail. It goes on for so long until your breathing becomes slow, hiccups accompanying every sob that you leave your mouth. 

You don’t feel anything but pain. It hurts. Everything just fucking hurts you. Watching Sunghoon be happy with someone else. Knowing the fact that he doesn’t want to marry you, and the dream of your perfect life was shattered in just a blink of the night. 

Everything that you planned is now nowhere to be found. You hated that it all led to this mess, blaming yourself because maybe, there’s some ways where you could’ve prevented it. Maybe you shouldn’t have given up, this may be just a moment of weakness but hearing those words from Sunghoon, tells you that there’s no hope for everything to be fixed.

Now that everything is done, you could only grab your phone, and as you open it. Your mother’s caller id jumped on the screen. You stared at it for a good minute, but the thought of your mother being disappointed that you and Sunghoon fought, worse, you broke off the engagement scared you. 

So you blocked her number and quickly dialled a number. 

“Y/n? Hello?” Yizhuo’s sleepy voice answered. 

“I’m sorry Ning but I need to crash into your place —”

“What, why? What happen —”

“I broke it off with Sunghoon.” you said, biting your lips to prevent the tears from falling again.

“What the fuck y/n!? Grabbing my keys right now, stay right there and I’m speeding to your place, give me ten minutes!” Yizhuo shouts. 

The call hung-up immediately, which was your sign. You grabbed all the important stuff that you need. Your books, notes, a few clothes and a few toiletries that’ll last you. You still have a few months left before the semester ends, all you need to do is focus on your studies — if you fail to have a perfect marriage, you’re not letting your dream of becoming a doctor slip away too. 

Dragging the luggage with you, you hear the car horn and as you step outside, you see the familiar white car Yizhuo owns. 

“Let’s get the hell out of here,” Yizhuo said, grabbing your luggage and placing it on the back seat. You only sit in the passenger seat as you wait for your friend to enter the driver’s seat. 

“You okay?” Yizhuo asked, gently patting your shoulder. 

Tears started streaming down your face, you could only sob as your best friend pulled you for a hug.

“He’s not worth it y/n, you deserve someone better,” Yizhuo insisted as she broke out from the hug. “I know it’s hard for you because you love him, but are you really going to settle for less? If he truly cares for you, he’ll understand your side despite disliking the idea but he didn’t.”

You could only nod at her words, “I know, I give up Ning. I’m tired, he said he doesn’t want to marry me, so everything is useless.” 

“He’s going to regret letting you go,” Yizhuo swore, starting the engine before patting your shoulder once again. “You can stay in my apartment as long as you want, don’t worry about anything, I got you in this one,” Yizhuo only smiled as you drove away from the place, and as you glanced at the rearview mirror, there it was — Sunghoon’s car. 

You don’t know if he saw you leaving the place, but as you felt your phone vibrating and saw his name on your screen, you only closed your phone and glanced at the window of the car, staring at the places that you pass by, thinking that what you did was for your own good too. 

-

Days after the party, you returned to Decelis University acting like everything’s normal.

You still did your routine, minimizing some tasks since you’re living under Yizhuo’s place and you don’t want to intrude furthermore. You had plans on renting a place on your own but it’ll be a few months until your semester break. This temporary housing of yours is better than enduring living with Sunghoon.

You still don’t know how to approach your parents with the situation, afraid that it might disappoint them, though your reason wherein it’s not your fault at all is strong, you’re still scared because you just ruin everything they have planned for you. 

You only sent a short message to your father that you need time to think, before blocking his phone number too. You know that a lecture will await you, but for now, all you want is space from them. You wanted to focus on your goal without their expectations heaving on your back.

You continued going to your class. Preparations for the Decelis medical school entrance exam are near, and you’re multitasking your time doing your studies and reviewing for the exam. Despite the heavy pressure it had instilled, everything felt light for you, you felt your shoulders becoming lighter and your worries seemed to be fading day by day — perhaps it’s because you’re not worrying about Sunghoon anymore.

Sunghoon on the other hand, you don’t have any news about him. He doesn’t go to your classes either. It looks like he had made up his mind about his life, and whatever he does, you could only wish him good luck. 

As you exit the department building, you hear a familiar voice calling out your name, turning around, your eyes immediately widened at the figure. 

“Wonyoung, what are you doing here?” you asked, approaching your best friend who’s sitting on the gazebo in front of your department building. 

“I’m sorry,” she started. “I’m sorry for ruining what you and Sunghoon had, but listen to me y/n, I don’t like Sunghoon, I treat him like a brother the same way I treat you like a sister. What he said to you was so fucking stupid.” 

“You knew?” you asked, surprised.

“I went to your house the next day but Sunghoon’s the only one there. Everyone was worried y/n! They thought you two eloped, you disappeared without saying any word that night, plus you blocked auntie’s phone number.” Wonyoung explained. 

“I’m sorry, I just — I needed space, my mind’s all over the place, but Wonyoung, I’m not mad at you, it’s not your fault anyway.” 

“Sunghoon told me you broke off the engagement,” Wonyoung said. “Is it because of what he said?”

“He made it clear that he doesn’t want to marry me, so what’s the use Won?”

“You’re giving up now?” she asked. “You used to be persistent, y/n what happened?”

“Even I get tired sometimes, Won. Sunghoon…he’s a hopeless case. No matter how hard I tried to help him, he just didn't want my help.” 

“He’s a mess right now, you know that?” Wonyoung stated. “He’s been looking for you.” 

You halted because of Wonyoung’s words, but quickly, you threw her a bitter smile. “He has always been a mess Won,” you replied. “I’m just tired of picking up after him.” 

Wonyoung merely nods, giving you a pitied smile as she brushes your hair, “I understand where you’re coming from y/n, I know it was also hard for you to decide to break the engagement.”

“Hopefully, it’ll pass,” you said softly. “You’re still going to be my maid of honor no matter who I’m going to marry.” 

That made Wonyoung chuckle, which made you laugh, you hugged her once again and as you felt her arms wrapping around you, you felt relief.

You never wanted jealousy to corrupt your mind, but sometimes you couldn’t help but be insecure at how Wonyoung and Sunghoon’s relationship remained the same while him and yours disappeared in a glimpse. You know that Wonyoung’s not at fault in this one, everything was just a matter of fallout. 

“Since you’re here already, why don’t we go out for dinner? Oh, I’ll introduce you to Ning! You’ll love her!” you suggested, immediately changing the topic.

“I’ve been dying to meet her!” Wonyoung replied, immediately tugging you so that you two can meet your other friend. 

Turns out Wonyoung and Yizhuo are a two deadly duo. You were half-regretting introducing them to each other because now, they were insisting on going out for the night. 

“Come on now, you don’t have any class for tomorrow and you should relieve your stress,” Yizhuo insisted. 

“Really y/n? You’re going to graduate college without experiencing going out with your friends and partying? It’s a good thing I’m here because I am not taking a no for an answer,” Wonyoung added.

You only roll your eyes, “you know that clubs aren’t my thing.”

“That’s because you never experienced it! Come on now, you should loosen yourself up just for one night,”  Yizhuo explained. “Please, you said you need space right? Why not relax? Just for tonight, forget about your parents, their expectations, and your studies. We’ll make it worth it.” 

You only stared at the two of them, both with pleading eyes as they clasp their hands together. Another roll in your eyes was made but there’s a small smile on your face. “Fine, if I passed-out drunk, you guys take care of me.” 

Both squealed in agreement, excited as Wonyoung fished out her phone to make a reservation at a famous club in the city center, while Yizhuo immediately dragged you towards the parking lot where her car is parked, excited to go home so that you can change into something daring (she said) and party all night.

The club was full by the time the three of you arrived, Wonyoung strutted on the small walkway, excusing the strangers as she held your hand while Yizhuo’s behind you, guiding your way towards your table.

A small table for three was reserved for you, a bottle of tequila with lemon and salt was arranged neatly there. As soon as you three reached the place, you immediately sat on the couch while Yizhuo opened the bottle. 

“I hope you know how to take a shot,” she teasingly said as she poured the shot glass full. 

“I know how to, you’re making me like I’m such a nerd that doesn’t go out of her house,” you insisted.

“She drinks, she just doesn’t like going out to clubs,” Wonyoung whispered to Yizhuo who glanced at you while you boredly raised an eyebrow.

“Well, we’re going to change that, cheers!” Yizhuo shouts, raising the glass which you and Wonyoung copied. The first shot of tequila went straight down on your throat, leaving a burning feeling downwards your chest which made you sneer for a second. 

Shot after shot, you lost count the amount of times the three of you took a shot, the tequila bottle is almost half. Your mind has become hazy, spinning but you can manage it. All you can hear is the loud music coming from the speakers, the dj playing Taylor Swift’s songs which was so fucking random and yet, you didn’t care. You were singing your lungs out along with Wonyoung and Yizhuo who are also tipsy. 

“Let’s hit the dance floor!” Yizhuo suggested when the song changed to some edm music, the three of you squeezed yourself on the dance floor, dancing and singing along as you bumped onto a few people, giving them smiles and small apologies while never stopping dancing. 

You never felt more alive. You didn’t care what would happen tomorrow, all you cared about was that you’re having fun with the two girls that treat you like your sister. They were right, this is what you need and you’re just so happy that you agreed to go out with them. 

That’s why you pulled them closer together, “I love you guys!” you shouted, which only made them laugh.

“Oh my gosh, she’s the emotional type of drunk,” Yizhuo giggled. 

“She only says that when she’s drunk, so savor it,” Wonyoung replied, hugging you back. “I love you too!” making the three of you squeal together before breaking out to continue dancing. 

You only let your body sway along with the music, not noticing a hand wrapping around your waist and as you turn around, you see a guy your age, smiling at you as he hands you his shot glass. 

“No thank you,” you smiled, “I already have one.” 

But he only laughed, “there’s no harm in having another one.”

You only let out a small giggle as you shrug, taking the shot and drinking it straight. You can hear his cheer, along with some guys that you’re unfamiliar with. You failed to notice Yizhuo and Wonyoung whereabouts as you continued to dance with the stranger. 

“You come here often?” he asked, and you only shook your head. 

“It’s too crowded here!” you shouted back. The place was getting hotter, crowds becoming bigger as the guy’s body became way too close to you. 

“Crowded huh? Do you want to go somewhere less crowded?” 

Maybe it was the alcohol — you don’t know, your head’s spinning and everything has become blurry to you, but all you can remember was that you nod at his answer. “Okay! I’m just going to tell my friends I’m leaving.”

“Alright sweetheart.” he smirked, his hold from your waist loosened. 

You tried to find your friends, but your mind is spinning — you couldn’t even remember where your table was. Your head searched sideways, when you felt a tug on your arm, making you turn around.

“She’s not going with you,” Sunghoon said with a cold tone.

“Dude fuck off, go pick some other girls around here,” the stranger tried to pull you away but Sunghoon was fast, immediately backing you behind him. 

“She’s my fiance, if you don’t want any trouble, get lost,” Sunghoon warns. 

“Fuck off Sunghoon,” you rebutted, shaking your grip away from Sunghoon who was surprised by your action. “We’re through, remember?” 

The stranger chuckled, “she doesn’t even want you here, so fuck off, will ya?”

But it didn’t take a split second for Sunghoon to hit  him on the face. His fist landing directly on the nose which made the stranger stumble down. 

Everyone was surprised when the guy fell on the ground, immediately stepping out from the fight. Sunghoon attempted to give the guy another punch but Heeseung and Jay managed to grab him. You didn’t process everything until you felt Wonyoung and Yunjin were behind you. 

“What happened — Sunghoon!” Wonyoung shrieks. The stranger stood up from the ground, but Sunghoon was quick to get away from his friend and charge towards him, landing another punch, and if it wasn’t enough, he landed another, this time harder. 

It didn’t take a minute for the bouncers to enter the scene, separating the two of them. You weren’t able to understand anything, all you know was that your friends pulled you out of the club along with Sunghoon and his friends. 

“Dude calm down,” Heeseung said trying to keep his friend still but Sunghoon pulled away, almost jabbing his friend who only stepped back with hands raised. 

“How can I fucking calm down when y/n almost got in danger tonight!?” he pointed out.

“You almost killed someone!” Jay shouted, trying to get a grip on Sunghoon but he got pushed away too. 

“He should be lucky because I hold back a little bit,” Sunghoon sarcastically laughs. “He deserves it, the way he looked at y/n? I know he has bad intentions.” 

“Stop caring Sunghoon!” you shouted, senses finally hitting you. “So what if I’ll go with that guy? We’re done, remember? I can meet whoever I like.” 

“I don’t care if we’re through, you couldn’t even take care of yourself. What the fuck are you even doing at a club?” Sunghoon lectured.

That’s when you scoff, “just because you can have fun, doesn’t me I can.”

“Oh, so that’s your idea of fun? Getting drugged by a stranger and who knows what they’ll do to you — fucking careless,” Sunghoon lets out a deep sigh, his anger heightening as he glared at Wonyoung. 

“If it wasn’t for me, she would’ve been in danger tonight, what the hell Won!?” Sunghoon angrily lectures. 

“Sunghoon stop blaming us, we were there and we were just letting y/n have fun, we’re not that stupid to let her go with that guy. You just really have to interfere first,” Wonyoung explained, forehead creased with anger.

Sunghoon could only roll his eyes, groaning as he frustratedly brushed his hair. “This is fucking stupid, you three aren’t even safe there!” 

“Just go home Sunghoon,” you shouted once again, making him glance at you. “You’re ruining our night for fuck’s sake.”

But in a split second, Sunghoon pulls you away from Yizhuo, and before you could say another thing, he grabs you by your knees and swings you on his shoulders, your upper body bumping on his back. 

“Sunghoon! Put me down!” you shouted, punching his back but Sunghoon remained unfazed, he then glanced at his friends who were surprised by his action.

“No one follows, this is between the two of us,” Sunghoon warned before he walked towards his car. 

You tried to struggle your way out of his hold, but Sunghoon’s too strong for you. He managed to put you in the passenger seat, even putting on the belt on you. 

“Sunghoon —” 

“Stop struggling y/n, we’ll go home now.” 

“Sunghoon, what fuck is wrong with you? We’re done, how many times do I have to tell you that!?” you shouted at him. “You’re suffocating me.”

“And so do I with you, but we can’t always have what we want.” Sunghoon stated, slamming the door of the car. You weren’t able to say another word, not knowing what he meant by that.

The drive towards your place was quiet yet tense, you could only close your eyes as the throbbing feeling in your head started to become worse. You had too many to drink but all you know that what the guy gave you was just a normal shot. If it would’ve been drugged, then you should’ve been passed-out by now. 

As Sunghoon parked the car inside, you could only stare at the entrance of the house. You do miss your house but there’s a deep feeling of pain lingering in your heart as it reminds you of Sunghoon. You didn’t even notice that Sunghoon had opened the door for you, and you mindlessly left the car. 

Entering the living room, you only stood there as you stare at the place — Sunghoon had maintained it clean even though you left, surprising you since you spent your mornings cleaning the house. 

You can hear the door closing, softly Sunghoon’s footsteps approach you but he stops midway. That’s when you realized how suffocating the emptiness the house had. 

“What is this Sunghoon?” you immediately asked, not even bothering looking at him.

“I just took you home,” Sunghoon simply said and you wanted to laugh. Home. you knew that home meant a lively house with a loving family, not a tense one with a broken engagement. 

“Sunghoon, since it still hasn’t sunk in your mind, our engagement is done, isn’t that what you want?” you repeated. 

“Well, did you even tell that to your parents?” Sunghoon asked casually. “My parents don’t know it yet.” 

You didn’t answer and Sunghoon immediately knew. 

“Of course you haven’t,” he teased. “That technically means we’re still engaged to each other.” 

You only closed your eyes, trying to compose yourself as you felt conflicted. “I don’t understand you Sunghoon, what do you even want? You made it very clear back then that you’d prefer to marry Wonyoung instead of me. Why bring me here again!?”

“I don’t know,” Sunghoon confessed. “It’s just…it’s so lonely here.” 

“I’m not a doll that you can keep,” you heaved. 

“I miss you.” he breathes, and your eyes widen but you could only let out a bitter laugh. 

“Suddenly you miss me? Sunghoon the last time you told me, you don’t want to marry me. Shouldn’t you be happy that we’re done.”

“That doesn’t equate to the fact that I don’t want to call off the engagement,” he stated. 

“You’re confusing me Sunghoon, stand your ground, you don’t want to marry me but you don’t want the engagement to be broken? What do you even want?”

“I was hoping that your mind might change,” Sunghoon said, almost pleading. “That somewhere in you, there’s that girl who first recognized my talent.” 

Silence. You weren’t able to say another word. Slowly, you turned around to see him standing there. His gaze at you gentle and pleading, far different from the looks he gave to you. 

“Do you remember the first time we met?” Sunghoon told you. “Do you remember what you told me?”

Of course. “You have a talent for playing the piano!” you recalled. It was the first thing you said when both your parents introduced you to Sunghoon. It didn’t sinked into you that those words of your younger self would stick in Sunghoon’s mind. 

“When I first joined the band, I thought you’ll be supportive because you’re the first one to recognize my love for playing the piano, but nothing,” Sunghoon chuckles bitterly. “I was hoping that someday, you would understand why I am chasing after my passion. That’s why I was so happy that you watched our performance that night — but you’re too stuck in that dream of yours to recognize it.” 

“It’s not just a dream Hoon, it's what's expected from me, and being a doctor, that’s what’s also expected from you.”

“Have you ever thought of what you want? Are you just going to wake up everyday, listen to your parents’ expectations and follow it? Do you have any idea how sad that is?” 

“I’m my parents’ only daughter, who else is going to make them proud aside from me?” you bitterly said. “And I want this too Hoon, so I’m sorry if my dream isn’t in the form of a passion unlike yours.”

“You’re not going to change your mind aren’t you?” Sunghoon mumbled. “I only pursued my passion and suddenly I’m not fit for your life anymore?” 

“It’s not just about having a perfect life, Hoon. My parents wanted me to marry a doctor, and I’m not going to push you anymore when it’s obvious that your heart beats for your passion.” you explained. 

“What about your heart then? What does your heart yearn for? You’re not going to fight for me anymore?” he said, almost pleading. A desperate turn in his tone shifted in you. 

“I’m done fighting for you Hoon,” you bitterly smiled. “Why are you suddenly asking me all of this?”

“You’re done with me? That’s it?” 

“Sunghoon, I’m really, really tired with everything.” you pleaded. “We’re just going to hurt each other the more we stay in this engagement.”

Sunghoon only stared at you. For a moment, he wanted to rebut your words. He wanted for you to fight furthermore because he knows you. You’re hard-headed, you’re not the type that won’t give up easily. But as he looks in your eyes, all he can is your desperation, eyes that scream for him that you’re tired of everything. 

“You’re really tired aren’t you?” he asked once again. 

“Just let me go Hoon, please.” you whispered. 

“Fine,” he said, defeated. “Only if you stay for the night.”

“What?” you asked, his request was sudden.

“Stay for the night, for me,” he said, almost pleading. “After this, I won’t disturb you anymore. Please, just stay for tonight.” 

It didn’t sink in everything he said, you could only stare at him, eyes wide as you can see how his eyes were almost begging for you. 

“I just…miss you so much,” he whispered. “But after this, we’re done. I’m going to tell my parents that we’re breaking off the engagement.” 

“Okay,” you said in defeat, and Sunghoon could only nod. He grabs your hand and you let him do so.

You found yourself in his room. The silence was engulfing, you stood there clueless as Sunghoon opened his closet, grabbing a shirt and pajamas for you — like you didn’t have any clothes left in your room next door. But you let it be, grabbing the clothes and going towards his bedroom’s bathroom. 

You can feel your heart beating fast. You were nervous, you don’t know what to do since this is the first time you and Sunghoon will sleep together. Sure, you had sleepovers back when you were kids, but those were the three of you. This one is just going to be the two of you, alone, in one bed.

But that’s his only request, when tomorrow comes, everything will be over now. It’s not like you two are going to do something, Sunghoon only wishes for you to stay for the night.

As you entered the room, you saw Sunghoon sitting on the edge of his bed, already in his sleeping clothes. He only stretched out his hands which you accepted and softly, he pulled you to his bed. 

“Let’s go to sleep?” he asked, almost inaudible. You only nod at his request and with that, the two of you settled underneath the blankets. You couldn’t even move, you had your back against Sunghoon and you wondered if he’s already asleep or not. 

It was as if he had read your mind, you felt Sunghoon shifted from his place — and in a second, warm arms wrapped around you and pulled you closer. Your breath halted as his hug tightened, your back almost resting on his chest, like he’s never wanting to let you go. It left you even more confused than ever, you two were never this intimate, and this will probably be the last time you two will be. 

“Goodnight y/n,” he whispered, and you can feel his lips touching the top of your head. 

Goodnight Sunghoon. You said in your mind.

“I’m sorry for everything.” Sunghoon mumbled, barely audible. 

You only closed your eyes, taking a long deep breath to hold yourself from crying. You wondered why he suddenly apologized. Why now? When everything is bound to be over. But you didn’t say a word, you tried to sleep instead, knowing that there’s no will inside you left to fight for yourself and Sunghoon. 

Goodbye Sunghoon.

-

The first semester has ended. The weather has become cold as fall passes by. Decelis University has slowly become empty with students going home to their hometown. 

The remaining months of your semester became a blur to you. You passed all your courses with ease and you managed to receive an academic honor for it. Emails from medical school offers had been appearing in your emails too, which meant that you’re secured to attend med school after graduation. Everything has been good to you — you got everything you need.

When you returned to your hometown, your parents spared you. They told you that they understand why you did it, letting it pass since you didn’t abandon your studies at all. They learned from Sunghoon’s parents that the engagement was called off. They didn’t ask you furthermore about it, and you could do nothing but to apologize not only to your parents but also to the Park family. Disappointment runs through your mind, especially when Sunghoon’s parents trusted you with their son — only for you to fail them.

A knock on the door disturbed your day, as you turned around you saw your parents entering your room. 

“Still studying dear? You’re doing too much now y/n,” your mom softly said, sitting on the edge of the bed along with your father. 

But you only smile, “I want to make sure that I’ll be able to pass Decelis’ entrance exam for medical school, you told me that the passing rate there is small.”

“Yes I know that sweetie but you’re doing too much, why don’t you do something else aside from studying?” your father suggested. 

But you only let out a laugh, “I'm all good dad, thanks for the concern though.”

“Have you ever thought of doing something else y/n? Something that you love?” your mom asked. That’s when you dropped your book, glancing at the two of them.

“Love?” 

“A hobby, what about tennis? You’re great at that sport, maybe you can be an athlete,” your mom happily said. 

“Oh, I do remember that you used to do ballet, I think you still have the skills sweetie,” your father added, which left you confused but chuckling. 

“Mom, dad, what is this all about?” you asked. Silence hovered in the room for a minute, both your parents looked at each other, trying to signal each other who should talk, which left your mother sighing. 

“Maybe, we shouldn’t have pushed you too hard to become a doctor,” your mother pointed out. “And it’s okay for us if you don’t want —”

“I want to become a doctor mom, that has always been my dream,” you rebutted, shifting your focus on your book. “I’m okay, don’t worry about me.”

“We had a talk with Sunghoon’s parents,” that’s when you stopped, glancing at them once again. “They explained why you two called it off.”

“Okay,” you shortly replied. You remember that night where you and Sunghoon slept together. His apology still lingers in your mind. There’s a part of you that wanted to know what he was sorry for. 

But the more you stay there, the more the pain deepens in your heart. You slipped away from his hold the next morning, and starting that day, you never heard anything from Sunghoon. 

He didn’t show up to any of his classes. He just disappeared like a bubble. Wonyoung told you that he doesn’t reply to her texts either. You don’t know if he continued performing in Arcanum, or did he ghost his band members. It’s funny how even though you two are already over, you still have a bit of concern for him. 

“Sweetie, we understand Sunghoon. He chose his dream and maybe it was a little disappointing for you because you always dream that you and Sunghoon will become doctors together, but there will come a point where your dream will change.” your father explained. “Sunghoon just so happens to rekindle his passion for music, it happens.” 

“And there’s nothing I can do about it,” you told them. “That’s why there’s no reason for the engagement to continue.”

“We shouldn’t have pressured you to become a doctor,” your mother insisted. “We were wrong in that part, and we’re very sorry about it dear.”

“Mom, even if you don’t pressure me, I still want to become a doctor no matter what, I will follow your footsteps, so don’t be sorry about it.”

“It’s not just about becoming a doctor,” your father pointed out. “It’s about your engagement with Sunghoon, we shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s already over, so you shouldn’t worry about it.”

“Listen y/n, when we set you and Sunghoon to marry, it’s not for our business to emerge. We just knew that you two love each other.” your father explained, hand resting on your knees. The old man faintly smiles at you. “You two were too young to understand it, but it was also our fault for putting so much expectations on the two of you — we should’ve let you two navigate your feelings on your own.” 

“But you said, I should marry a doctor,” you pointed out. “I always knew that it’s going to be Sunghoon, but he changed dad. If he can’t be the one, I’ll just find someone in med school.”

“Oh sweetie, we’re terribly sorry for saying that,” that’s when your mother pulls you to a hug. “But we still want you to marry for love, and dear, it’s not always about his profession, but how he’s going to treat you as your husband.”

“Why now? Why say that to me all of the sudden?” you questioned, breaking out from your mother’s touch.

“We didn’t think it’ll come to this point —”

“No, because from the very start you two insisted that I should marry a doctor because that’s what you two wanted for me! I was lucky that Sunghoon wanted to become a doctor but when he changed his dreams, I did everything just for him to go back!” you shouted.

Both your parents were surprised to hear your voice raise. You stood there, shaking as tears started to flow from your eyes once again.

“I did everything in my life just to please your expectations because I know that you two always know what’s best for me, and I didn’t want to fail you guys. But now, I feel so stupid because suddenly, I have the freedom to choose what I want,” a bitter laugh escapes your mouth, you brushed your hair as you bit your lips. Trying to stop the tears from falling.

“I even roped Sunghoon in my dreams because that’s what you guys want for me, and I was scared of disappointing you two if he didn’t become a doctor — you could’ve told me from the start! Then maybe, I could’ve supported Sunghoon instead of suffocating him.” 

Your parents remained quiet. Sitting there as they watch their daughter cry. Both of them were surprised, never thinking they’ll see you cry. You have always been a strong girl for them, but then again, everyone crumbles. 

“We can still fix it dear,” your mother insisted. 

“It’s too late now mom,” you answered. “It’s not just about the engagement, Sunghoon and I, we’re done with everything. We spent our lives living up to your expectations, and this is the only time we made a choice for ourselves.”

Before they could say anything. You scurried to grab your phone and jacket, storming out of your room as your parents couldn’t do anything but watch you disappear from their sight. 

You found yourself at the small playground near your house. Sitting on the end of the slide as you hiccup your cries.

You hate your parents and how their mind suddenly changed in a glimpse. Marry for love? Love was never the problem for you, it was the fact that they spent your whole life shaping you into an ideal life only for them to take it back. You’ll marry for love in a heartbeat but it never crossed your mind because their expectations came first. 

If only. You could only think of the what-ifs because somehow, you spent your whole life making your parents proud — that you couldn’t even make a choice on your own. “Do you have any idea how sad that is?” you remember Sunghoon’s words to you, making you close your eyes as tears continued to flow along with your soft sobs.

Sunghoon’s right. All your life you did your best to follow your parents’ footsteps, never tried to navigate other hobbies or passions — perhaps that’s why you weren’t able to understand Sunghoon’s dreams at all. You suddenly felt lost, not knowing what to do with your life anymore. Sunghoon and Wonyoung, they’ll be choosing the things they love.

What about you? You don’t know anymore, you don’t even know if becoming a doctor is what you want — or it’s just something that has been engraved to you by your parents that you learned to love it somehow. 

“y/n?” You looked up and to your surprise, Sunghoon’s mother was standing in front of you. 

“Auntie,” you quickly stood up and wiped the tears away. “What brings you here?”

“I was supposed to visit you today,” she said with a soft tone. “But I caught you here on the way, is there something wrong?” 

You immediately fake a smile, even though your nose was runny and eyes are puffy red, you tried your best to assure the woman that you’re okay. But she simply shakes her head before patting your head. 

“Come on, let’s have a talk.”

You two ended up in a small coffee shop nearby. You watch as Mrs. Park lightly sips on her tea, before glancing at you. She then smiles, and you can see where Sunghoon got his eye smile, and somehow, that comforts you. 

“When Sunghoon told us that he wanted to play for a band instead, we were disappointed,” Mrs. Park explained. “His dad was furious, but what else can we do? Stop him from doing what he loves?”

You only remained quiet, listening to Mrs. Park as she softly chuckled. “As parents, we only want what’s best for our children, but it’s still up to them to choose their future. For Sunghoon, we let him be, it’s what he wants.”

Then, she glances at you. “You know, Sunghoon broke the engagement because he doesn’t want to hurt you anymore?”

“I’m sorry I gave up on him.” you apologized immediately. “We — we’re just too different auntie.”

“Well, opposites do attract my dear,” she jokingly said, making you let out a small chuckle. From there, her expression softens. Looking at you pitifully, the woman can see the stress you went through and it breaks her heart, knowing that they were the reasons why you’re like that. 

“You’ve done a lot for my son y/n, and I am thankful for that,” Mrs. Park smiles. “You’ll be a great wife for him, someone who’ll come to knock his senses but — everyone gets tired sometimes.” 

You only smile at her, but Mrs. Park’s eyes glistened with a meaningful smile on her lips. “That’s why it’s important to rest, everything is not the end just because you were tired.” 

You became quiet because of her words. Mrs. Park stretches her hand, holding your hand as she squeezed it lightly. “Just rest dear, take your time for yourself, everything is not too late.”

“But —”

“Listen to your heart this time dear, only your heart knows what’s truly best for you.”

-

You returned to your shared house a week before the next semester started. 

The moment you opened the door, you were welcomed by its hollow silence, making you bitterly smile because you do miss the silence — and you’ll miss it more now that it won’t be the place you’ll go home to.

Slowly, you opened your room and noticed that it was the same as how you left it the night you ran away. Sunghoon didn’t touch any of it, and you were glad that he didn’t. You didn’t waste any time, you grabbed the luggage that you brought with you, packing all the things that you have in your room. 

You spent the day packing your things. Neatly folding everything, and stacking it inside your storage box. You managed to finish it before sunset, going back and forth to load it inside your car. And with one last glance in the empty room, you could only mutter goodbye as you dragged your luggage with you. 

But as soon as you reach the living room, you hear the doorknob unlocking, making you stop. You can feel your heart starting to beat fast, praying that it won’t be him. 

“Y/n?” you saw how Sunghoon’s eyes widened as he saw you, but his eyes immediately darted at the luggage that you were holding. 

You only took a deep breath before giving him a smile, “I just came by to grab my things.” 

“Wait, wait — why?” Sunghoon hurriedly went towards you, hands grabbing your arm. 

“Our engagement’s over Sunghoon, so there’s no need for us to be together,” you gritted your teeth. Every word felt like a knife stabbing inside you. 

“Y/n, can you just listen to me —”

“Sunghoon stop, there’s nothing for us to talk about.” 

“You know that everything’s not too late right? We can still fix it.”

“What’s to fix Sunghoon?” you asked. “I thought we made it clear that we’re done.”

“If you’re done fighting for me, then I’m fighting for you now,” Sunghoon insisted, grabbing you by your shoulders. You tried to get out of his hold but he tightens his hold on you. 

“Why now Hoon? Where were you, when I was fighting for everything? You can’t just enter my life and expect me to accept you immediately —”

“I love you okay!?” he shouted, completely shutting you off. Eyes wide from the sudden confession. 

Sunghoon looks at you, his eyes stressed and dark, yet it screams for your plea. “I’m sorry that I realized my feelings just now, I know I was late but it’s never too late for us, just listen to me —”

“Hoon stop —”

“Y/n, just for once why don’t you listen to your heart?” Sunghoon stated. “You know deep inside, that it’s not too late for us to fix it. Your parents, my parents, they know that it’s not too late, it’s only you who doesn’t want to —"

“Because I’m scared, Hoon!” you shouted, shutting Sunghoon off. 

“I don’t know what to do with my life anymore Hoon and that fucking scares me. Suddenly I have my own freedom and I don’t know whether my decisions will be right or wrong. If I end up choosing what my heart wants, I might just ended up failing myself”

“You know you don’t always need to be perfect right?” Sunghoon whispered to you. “People make mistakes y/n, we’re flawed, and there’s nothing wrong with making mistakes.”

You only shake your head. “I don’t know Hoon, I don’t know what I should do anymore.”

“Just listen to your heart,” The hold on your shoulders tightens. “Go for the things you love, not because it’s what your parents taught you, or because it’s what’s for the best. You know this y/n, what do you want?” 

You. You thought. In a heartbeat, it has always been Sunghoon. Despite all the mess, the rough paths, and fights you two had. In the end, your heart beats for him. 

And as you look at him, there were no longer cold gaze and emptiness in his eyes, his eyes yearn for you too. The years of your unrequited love for him are over now.

“It’s you Hoon,” you mumbled, a bite on your lips as you started stuttering. “I’m just afraid after everything that happened to us.”

“We can work it out, we may have started on a rough path but I know that we can make it through.” he deeply sighs. “I’m sorry for everything, I know I said some harsh words but I was angry at that time, I’m sorry y/n, I was just frustrated but I didn’t mean every word that I said, it has always been you,”

You only stared at him, “how can I trust you Sunghoon?”

“Let me make it up to you y/n,” he swore, hands finding its way to your face. “If you let me, I’ll prove it to you.”

“How? How can I be so sure about you?”

“We’ll start again y/n, don’t worry about us, we’ll navigate this together, I won’t hurt you anymore.” Sunghoon promised. “Just be with me okay? You’ll be there for me right?” 

You only stared at Sunghoon. He has his lips tightly sealed, his eyes were searching for yours, the same eyes that yearned for you that night. Your heart started beating faster, and you weren’t able to process that tears are starting to fall from your eyes. Your mind was telling you to run away again, but your heart — it beats for him. 

You don’t know what to say, you only nod at his words. That’s when Sunghoon understood what you meant. Slowly he leans in, closing the space between the two of you. 

You always thought that your first kiss with Sunghoon would be at your wedding. After you two exchange vows. It'll be short yet momentary. Significant in your life and a symbol that you and Sunghoon are going to be together, forever. 

But as he kissed you right now after swearing to prove his worth for you, that’s when it halted you that Sunghoon’s words weren’t just empty promises. The way his lips trailed on yours, hands holding your face gently as he tilts more to deepen the kiss — making you kiss him back, softly yet surely.

You two weren’t wearing your wedding clothes, no rings, nor applauses from the crowd. It’s just the two of you, alone, in your house’ living room.

As you two broke from the kiss, Sunghoon’s forehead rested on yours, catching each other’s breath, you can see the small smile forming on Sunghoon’s lips. 

“Tell me it’s true Sunghoon,” you whispered to him, eyes never leaving him. “I want to hear it from you.”

“I love you y/n,” Sunghoon confesses. “It has always been you, and no one else.” 

You could only chuckle in disbelief as you felt a tear fall from your eyes, Sunghoon quickly wiped it off with his thumb before pulling you for another kiss, to which you responded quickly. From there, everything started to heat up, you could only place your arms around Sunghoon’s neck as you two continued to kiss like there’s no tomorrow. 

Sunghoon didn’t waste any second. He grabs you by your thighs, lifting you up with ease without breaking the kiss, while you wrap your legs around his waist for support. The two of you ended up in his room wherein he gently placed you down to his bed. 

“Are you sure about this?” he softly asked, eyes never leaving yours. He looks at you lovingly, like he was mesmerized that you’re his. 

“I’m sure,” you answered. “And I’m sure that it’s going to be you Sunghoon.” 

“I’ll take good care of you then,” Sunghoon answered before leaning down for another kiss. You only closed your eyes and kissed Sunghoon back. 

You can feel it. The longing of tasting each other. The way Sunghoon kisses you gently, taking his time to savor you as he deepens his lips on you more. Soft nibbles on your lower lip making you whimper softly.

It went on and on, no one dared to break the kiss. Both hands trying to navigate each other. His right hand finds its way to yours, clasping between your fingers as he rests it on the side of your head. 

Sunghoon breaks from the kiss, but immediately places his lips on your jawline until it reaches your neck. Planting soft kisses like he wanted to taste every skin of yours. His left hand finds its way to your body, gently tracing your upper body as you grasp on his sheets. 

“Can I?” he asked, tugging at the hem of your shirt, which you nodded feverishly. You lifted yourself slightly for Sunghoon to remove your shirt before removing his shirt too. His toned body, and carved abs revealed in front of you which you could only stare for a minute. Who would’ve thought that underneath those baggy hoodies and large shirts, is a godlike body? 

On the other hand, Sunghoon didn’t waste any time, he grabs your face once again, locking you to a kiss that’s more intense, hungrier than earlier. He was battling to get a taste of you more, tongue swiping on your lower lip making you moan, you could only shut your eyes as Sunghoon sloppily entered his tongue inside you.

Teeths clashing, tongue travelling inside you, your body started to heat up as Sunghoon continued to taste your lips further. He then started targeting your neck, making you tilt your head to make room for him. Hot, messy, wet kisses trailing on every skin his lips could reach. You let out a soft moan as Sunghoon’s hands trailed towards your bra, softly cupping your breast while his lips continued to bite your neck, sucking it lightly leaving purple marks all over it.  

“So beautiful, only for me right?” he whispered to your left ear, planting a kiss on it before glancing at you. 

“Only for you Hoon,” you whispered back, Sunghoon merely chuckling before darting his eyes on your lower body. 

“Is this your first?” he asked, you only nod.

“Been waiting for you.” you muttered, and the next thing you knew, Sunghoon’s lips were on yours once again. 

“Good girl, we’ll make it worth it yeah?” Sunghoon asked. “It’ll be special for us, we’ll be each other’s first. I told you I’ll prove my worth to you.” 

Sunghoon gently unbuttons your pants before tugging it downwards, leaving you in your panties while he hastily removes his shorts, leaving him in his boxers. 

“Come here love,” he gestured as he sat on the mattress, you only followed him as he pulled you to sit on his lap. A gasp leaving your lips as you could only hold your breath, feeling Sunghoon hard underneath. He’s big. You can feel it as you sit prettily on it, your clothed cunt just right above it. 

Your thoughts only trailed off as Sunghoon continued to kiss you, hands attempting to unclasp your bra which made you chuckle in the middle of your makeout. You helped him unclasp it before throwing the bra somewhere. 

“So fucking gorgeous for me,” Sunghoon gestured. His hands started circling on your boobs, cupping your right side making you whimper. Sunghoon's eyes never leaving yours as his hands trailed downwards, fingers tracing every skin of your body until it reached the hem of your panties. 

“Is it okay?” he asked. 

“Please Sunghoon,” you pleaded, unable to ignore the heat that you’ve been feeling. 

Sunghoon’s fingers delicately feather on your clothed pussy. You softly moan as his palms cup it, rubbing on it as the slightest friction heats you furthermore. You wanted more, unknowingly you bucked your hips to his hand. Sunghoon fastens the way he rubs your pussy as you continue grinding against it. 

“Sunghoon —” 

“Do you want to touch mine too?” he asked, tone deeper than usual. You only stared at him for a good minute before you nod. 

Sunghoon grabs your hand, gently guides it until your palm rests on his hard-on. It’s straining underneath his boxer, and just from your touch, you know that one hand wasn’t enough. You palmed it slowly, hearing soft breathing Sunghoon which fueled something in you.

“Can I do it?” you asked, your hands trailing on the hem of his boxer. 

“Go on love,” he whispered, planting a kiss on your temple. 

You pulled Sunghoon’s boxer, his hard length springing from it. Hard and thick, you looked at Sunghoon as you wrapped your hands around it, and you’re right, one hand isn’t enough. Your hands reach its tip, the pre-cum budding on its end, having you smear it as you circled your palms on his tip. 

You watched as Sunghoon looked at you darkly. A faint smirk on his lips as you felt his fingers slipped under your panties, you let out a soft moan as his fingers found their way on your pussy. Softly trailing on its lips before going up to your clit, three fingers circling it slowly which made you twitch for a second. 

Your hands started to stroke Sunghoon’s cock, slow and steady like you're memorizing every inch of it. It goes the same with him as he continues to rub your clit, harder leaving you breathless as you continue to pump his cock faster, squeezing his tip at every chance that you can. Earning breathy groans from him. 

“Going to prepare you love, just breathe for me okay?” Sunghoon instructed and you could only moan in response. Your other hand found its hold on his shoulders, head resting on it as you nervously can feel his fingers near your entrance. 

“You’re so wet for me, so fucking good,” he whispered to you, before slipping inside your pussy. You let out a deep sigh as his index finger rested inside you. “Just relax for me okay?” slowly he drags his fingers in and out, watching you fall in front of him as you couldn’t do anything but to leave breathy moans. 

“Sunghoon —” you called out as you could feel him insert another finger inside you, the sudden move made you squeeze his dick hard, making Sunghoon curse under his breath. You mindlessly continued to stroke it as Sunghoon’s fingers circled inside you. 

“Relax for me love, we don’t want to hurt you,” Sunghoon assured, kissing your right temple as he continued to finger you. It’s playing inside you, knuckles deep as his long fingers kept pumping inside you, curling at a spot that you feel sensitive the most. He’s stretching you, trying his best to prepare you, his fingers continue to scissor your walls at a right pace, reaching deep inside you.

“I want to come,” you mumbled as you could feel it coming inside you. Your hands gave up on stroking his dick, which made Sunghoon slow down his actions.

“You’re going to come with me inside, can you do that?” you quickly nod in his words, kissing his lips as he removed his fingers from you. You didn’t miss the way your pussy ached, but Sunghoon was quick to grab your waist. 

Gently, he lays you down on his bed, and you watch as he reaches for his bedroom’s drawer, pulling the upper box and scavenging something there. 

“Why —”

“Just making sure we’re safe,” Sunghoon told you. 

“Yeah, but why do you have that…” you mindlessly asked, heat rushing towards your cheeks as you stared at Sunghoon. 

“Heeseung gave it to me as a joke —” Sunghoon groans, embarrassed. “But at least we’re safe, right?”

“Right,” you whispered, leaning more against the pillow. 

Sunghoon removes his boxer. Your eyes wandered at his cock again, hard and lengthy, you could only bite your lips as you wondered how it would fit you. Sunghoon eyes on you, like he's ready to devour as he pumps his cock with his right hand while he bites on the foil packet, tearing it open and grabbing the condom, sheathing it on his already sensitive cock. 

Both of you never left each other’s gaze, you lifted your lower body for you to remove your panties, shamelessly spreading your legs in front of him. Your heart started to beat fast, nervousness started to hit you, but you were only assured when Sunghoon planted another kiss on your lips. 

“Take a deep breath for me, okay? I’ll put on the tip first,” he guided you. You only nod at his words, laying back as you try to relax yourself. 

Sunghoon could only bite his lips as he stared at you, legs spread with your glistening pussy on display. You’re his. You’re his to keep. Something about that thought had Sunghoon’s heart racing, unraveling a feeling of having you all by himself. 

Sunghoon kneels in front of you, hands on your thighs as he hovers over you. He grabs his cock, stroking it steadily making him hiss lightly, at the same time, he grazes it on your cunt’s lips, making you moan. 

You took a deep breath as you felt Sunghoon’s dick on your entrance, its girth enough for you to whimper even though it was just a tip. Sunghoon kept on glancing at you, trying to test if you can take it, careful as he pushed his tip inside you, making you let out a soft groan. 

“Fuck Hoon,” you said, feeling your entrance tearing apart. 

“It’s just my tip love,” Sunghoon told you, “we can stop if you want —”

“No, no, I want it,” you let out a sigh. “Please, just go slowly.” 

“You want it all inside?” Sunghoon asked, eyes wide. 

“I want to feel you, Hoon.”

Sunghoon was hesitant, seeing your eyes start to water, he was scared. You noticed the way his expression shifted, quickly pulling him for a short kiss with your eyes firm on him. There, he was assured, a short nod as a signal. 

“Alright, relax for me okay? We’ll take it slow.” 

Sunghoon started slow. Only pushing his tip in and out, so that you can still feel good. Then, he started to insert himself inside you, slow and careful while you could only take hasty breaths, holding it every time you felt yourself getting stretched. 

“You’re so fucking tight,” Sunghoon whispered. “So small and tight, you really waited for me huh?”

“Hoon —”

“It’s okay baby, I can move if you want me to,” Sunghoon assured. 

You tried to adjust to his size, you’re too full and his dick’s fully sheathed inside you, but it feels good, you wanted more of him. You tried to move, bucking your hips upwards to test the waters, making Sunghoon glance at you. 

“You wanted it baby?” he asked, before spreading your legs wider, wrapping it around his waist as he hovered over you. 

“You can move now Hoon,” you said. 

Sunghoon moved for a bit, carefully checking on you in case you might get hurt. But you quickly nodded, he pulled his dick out of your pussy, eyes surprised as the blood smeared all over the condom. It’s normal. He thought, but it still made him worried. 

“I think I tore you,” he mumbled to you.

“I don’t care,” you replied. “Fuck, just put it in Hoon.” 

With that, Sunghoon chuckles darkly. “Impatient already?”

Without a warning, Sunghoon pushes himself inside you, making you heave out a moan. A mouthful of curses leaving his lips as he started to thrust himself inside you. A steady pace that’s not rough enough for you but will leave you crying out of pleasure. He continued doing so, until he fastened his pace, too lost in the pleasure of his cock ramming your walls. Sunghoon could only utterly groan as your pussy continued sucking him in. 

“Only for me —” Sunghoon moans. “So tight for me, there’s my good girl.”

“Hoon —” 

“Want me to go faster? Want to take all of me?”

“Please — ugh, faster please.”

Sunghoon answers your pleas, grabbing your waist, lifting your stomach area, and in a second, he pulls his cock slowly and slams it inside you harshly, making you moan loudly as the pleasure was too much for you. Hands tightly gripping the sheets as your toes started to curl. Only wanton moans and Sunghoon’s names would leave out of your lips, calling his name like a mantra as his dick keeps on abusing your hole, reaching to the deepest part, feeling how his tip rubs a sensitive spot. 

“Hoon, want you —” you called out, stretching your hands which Sunghoon eagerly accepted. Both hands intertwined, placed both either on the sides of your head as Sunghoon continued to thrust inside you. 

Sunghoon locks his lips on you once again. A feverish makeout, making everything hot yet intimate as both your bodies were glued together. Skin to skin, not minding the warm temperature the room exceeds and how sticky both you are with your sweats. All that matters was how he kisses your lips like it’s his last meal on Earth, savoring the taste of it while his cock underneath fastens its pace.

“You’re so beautiful, all mine right?” he growled on your lips, making a short thrust which left you gasping. He can feel it, your pussy tightening, almost wanting for him to not leave, he continues to thrust in such pace as he watches your face distorting in an unreadable expression.

“Come on, say it love,” he commanded, giving you another thrust so hard that you choke under your breath. 

“All y-yours! Fuck —” you cried, everything is too overwhelming for you. But Sunghoon was relaxed as he continued abusing your pussy. 

“So good for me,” Sunghoon kisses your temples. 

You could only close your eyes, too shut that it hurts. Concealing every cry as your legs started to shake, stomach coiling, and unable to control your breathing. 

“Hoon —”

“Gonna come now love?” you heard Sunghoon asked, and your choked moan was the only thing you could say. 

“Let’s come together, hold it for me can you?” Sunghoon fastened his pace, leaving you crying out of pleasure. He can feel everything tightening, his dick twitching indicating that he’s also near. It didn’t help that you’re sucking him hard. Everything just feels good for both of you, but Sunghoon wanted for it not to end. He wanted to linger more, to touch you more until he memorized everything about you. 

“Fuck —” Sunghoon was almost shaking, his grip on your hand tighten as he glances at you one last time, he leans forward sealing you to a kiss so soft that it completely contrasts how the rough thrusts that he gives. 

“Go on, come,” he whispered to you, thrusting sharply that you could only moan as your wave of orgasm came rushing inside you. Your legs shake violently as you let out soft breathing and whimpers. You weren't able to sink in how Sunghoon groaned at the same time as you, his thrust becoming sloppy as he came inside the condom. He thrusted a few times before pulling out, you could only whine because of the loss, not being able to process as Sunghoon lay down beside you. 

Sunghoon quickly wraps his arms around you, pulling you a hug which only makes you drowsy. You can feel his skin against you, his warm touch that felt more nothing but a comfort to you.

“Does it hurt?” he asked, breaking the silence between the two of you. 

“It does,” you answered. Now that the high has left you, you can feel your cunt aching due to the sudden penetration. It did feel good but you didn’t expect for it to still ache afterwards. 

“I’ll run a bath for us, don’t sleep on me yet,” he suggested. 

“But I’m sleepy,” you mumbled. “Can we just stay like this?”

“Let’s clean each other first, come on,” he pulled himself away from you, you could only watch as he sat on the bed. Pulling the soiled condom, seeing it all bloodied, Sunghoon’s lips turned into a thin line before tying it and covering it with tissue. He throws it in the trash bin before walking towards his bedroom’s bathroom. 

A few minutes later, he returned to grab you, carrying you bridal style which you didn’t mind, too tired to think about. The bathtub was only halfway full but Sunghoon quickly dips both of you inside. Your back resting against his back as you could only hum, relaxing into the warm water. 

“You okay?” he asked, his arms possessively wrapping around you. 

“I’m tired,” you mumbled. “I want to sleep.”

You hear Sunghoon chuckle, “never thought you'd be the type to get tired after one round.”

“I didn’t know it’ll be this tiring,” you mumbled. “Or maybe I was also tired from packing my things.”

“Which wasn’t necessary,” he kisses your temples. “Because you’re still staying here with me.” 

You only hum at his sentence, closing your eyes as you rested your head on his shoulder. 

“Just rest for me okay? I’ll take care of you.” 

“Alright.” 

“I love you,” Sunghoon stated, a loving kiss planted on your head. 

“I love you too.”

-

Last night felt like a dream. 

You opened your eyes to see yourself in a familiar room. Its silence comforts you in an indescribable way. Seeing how the sunlight sweeps through its curtains, indicates that you’ve slept past your usual wake time — a rare thing for you to happen. You sat up from the bed, noticing that the sheets are different and so are your clothes. A large shirt that almost pooled your thighs along with some boxer shorts in the shades of blue, hitting you immediately with reality. 

Last night felt like a dream but you remember every detail of it vividly. You could only hug your knees as the sudden shame came rushing to you. Cheeks are heating up as you can still feel sore down there. Never expect that everything will lead to you losing your virginity to Sunghoon. 

You can feel your heart beating, you remember every word said last night. The arguments, and promises, the way Sunghoon looked at you — everything. Everything was real yet it felt surreal. That’s when you glance to your left and see it empty. Sunghoon’s not here, and the thought of Sunghoon leaving you shadowed over your mind. 

Quickly, you jumped out of the bed. Light footsteps open the door of his room, and as you skirt outside, you can hear the faint sound of cooking in the kitchen — that’s when you felt relief. 

Slowly, you entered the kitchen to see Sunghoon cooking what you concluded were pancakes. He places the last batch on a plate before turning off the stove, turning around only to be surprised to see you standing there.

Silence devoured both of you. Not knowing what to say at all. After all the fiasco that you two had, some issues that needed to be solved, and of course, last night’s intimacy, everything suddenly felt awkward for both of you. 

“Good morning,” Sunghoon breaks the ice first. “You’re awake now, let’s have some breakfast.”

“I thought you left,” you blurted out, immediately sinking in that you shouldn’t have said that. 

You saw the way Sunghoon's forehead creased, confused. “Left? Why would I leave, I stay here.” 

“You stay here?” you asked. 

Sunghoon only quips a small smile, “I stayed here, waiting for you…hoping that you’ll come home.” 

“Oh.” you only look away, embarrassed at the thought, and yet, a part of you was surprised by what you heard. 

Sunghoon really meant what he said, and the thought that he waited for you to come home instead of going after you — he gave you time to think and waited for you to return, while at the same time, it gave him time to navigate his feelings for you. He’s right. It wasn’t too late for everything. 

Sunghoon places down the plate on the dining table. While you only sat on the chair, watching Sunghoon set up the table for you. He offers the plate for you as he sits beside you. From there, you two sat in silence, eating the perfectly-cooked pancakes. 

Weird. You thought as you took small bites on the food. Everything feels at ease, but you know that there’s still many issues that two have to address. Last night was just a swirl of each other’s emotions, although a proof of each other’s promises, you still don’t know what to do with your situation with Sunghoon. 

“What — what happened last night?” you asked. Sunghoon chokes on his food, startling you. “I mean, during the bath —”

“Oh, you fell asleep halfway, nothing happened after, I slept eventually,” Sunghoon explained.

“Alright,” you mumbled, clearing your throat. As you looked at your unfinished plate, you wondered about the two of you, almost immediately things won’t be easily like the way it was. 

“Hoon,” you whispered, trying to carefully set the atmosphere. 

“Is there something wrong?” he asked, almost concerned. 

“I just — I don’t know what to do with us,” you confessed, almost bitterly smiling. “All my life, I always knew what to do, I had a clear path of everything, dragging you in it which you obviously didn’t want to. But now that we have different goals, what about us?”

Sunghoon quietly looks at you. His soft expression completely contrasts the worried look on your face. Gently, he brushes the stray hair that covers your face, with his hand on the back of your neck, Sunghoon remains quiet as a smile forms on his face. 

“I’m not leaving you y/n, don’t worry about us. Let’s just support each other alright? I know it’ll be hectic for each of us because we’re going different place, but this place,” Sunghoon’s eyes wandered around the house. “This is going to be our home. We’ll make it a home for us.” 

“What about our engagement? It’s over now,” you asked, worried. 

“Let’s get engaged when we’re ready, okay? Not because our parents set us up, I want our relationship to be genuine and real. I still have to prove my love for you.”

You only chuckle. “You already did.”

“It’s not enough, one night doesn’t change anything.” 

You only nod at his words. “Thank you Sunghoon, for giving me another chance.” 

“I should be the one who’s thankful to you, you never gave up on me even when I treat you badly,” he insisted, making you laugh. 

“It’s my fault too, I shouldn’t have pushed you to my dreams too much.” you rebutted. “But I’m here now, I’ll support you in your dream.” 

“That’s all I need to hear,” Sunghoon stated.

Nodding at his words, Sunghoon pulls you for a hug, his arms instinctively lifting you from your seat, pulling you to his lap to hold you even more tightly. You rest your head on his shoulder as your arms swing around his neck. 

Silence hovered the dining area. You two remained there, never letting go of each other. The tranquility gives you two peace, feeling nothing but each other’s warmth as Sunghoon traces circle around your back, while you rest idly on him. It was comforting and assuring, and your heart swells in joy because your future with Sunghoon was never lost to you. 

-

Epilogue.

As you open the door of your house, you immediately switch the lights on, revealing its comforting silence that only made you smile. The smell of lavender and eucalyptus filled the room, the relaxing scent coming from the air diffuser you and Sunghoon bought a few months ago, automatically reminds you of your lover.

“Hoon, I’m home!” you shouted, removing your sneakers when you heard the door of your shared room (formerly Sunghoon’s room) open. Sunghoon approaches you with a smile, gently cupping your cheeks to seal a kiss. 

“Welcome home,” he greets, making you smile. 

“What’s the occasion? You’re all dressed-up, or have you just got home from your class?” A year wasn’t that long, but a lot of things have changed between you and Sunghoon. 

Sunghoon was given another chance from Decelis to finish his degree in medbio, stating that it’ll be a waste for him to not continue it. Although the two of you knew that the degree is deemed useless, Sunghoon let it be, a deal that he had with his parents for him to continue playing in the band. 

After graduation, you agreed to Sunghoon to take a few months before entering medical school. Although you’re already on board to attend Decelis Medical School, you decided to take time to spend with the people you love because you know how hectic med school will be. 

Arcanum continued performing. After graduation, they became an independent band. Slowly, their popularity is starting to rise. Getting invited to events, university festivals, and of course, they still do their gig in The Rabbit Hole, which became more popular and crowded than ever. You, on the other hand, always manage time to watch their performance along with the other band members’ girlfriends — who you eventually became friends with. 

“I’m taking you out for dinner,” Sunghoon simply replied, grabbing your bag as he scurried his way back to your bedroom, which you only followed. 

“Why? What’s the special occasion?” you asked, laughing. 

“Nothing, just want to take my girl out, is that so bad?” Sunghoon grins, and your gleaming eyes can see how excited he is, like he’s preparing for something.

You only hum, as you proceed to your shared closet. “Alright, let me just freshen up for a bit and change.”

You two arrived at the restaurant not an hour later. The receptionist guided you to your reservation which surprised you because Sunghoon had reserved a private room for the two of you. 

“This is,” you held your breath as you looked at the room. Nostalgia hits you because Sunghoon had brought you to the place where you two were formally engaged by your family. 

“You still remember it?” he asked, smiling. 

“Of course,” you could only mumble. “I was nervous. We were friends who suddenly became fiances at eighteen, it was a sudden turn.” 

“I was nervous too, but I was in relief because my family chose you,” Sunghoon confesses. “Although we went through a rough path, I’m glad we were able to overcome it.” 

You only smiled back at him. “So am I.” 

Food arrived minutes later, along with some white wine of Sunghoon’s choice. The two of you spent the remaining time reminiscing, talking mostly about your childhood days, especially the embarrassing moments that had you two laughing loudly. 

“I have some news for you,” Sunghoon blurted out, completely changing the topic between the two of you. 

“What is it?’ you asked, taking small sips from your glass. 

“Daydream Records called yesterday,” Sunghoon started, his smile grew wider, eyes almost turning into a curve. “They’re interested in having us in their label, it’s a five-year contract and they will manage everything for us — can you believe it!?”

“Oh my god —” words got stuck in your throat. Immediately, you stood up from your seat, approaching Sunghoon who only waited for you to fall into his arms. Pulling you on his lap as you embraced him tightly. “Hoon, oh my god — this is good news! You guys will become famous!” 

“Becoming famous is still far for us, but no more hassle schedules, and Heeseung’s girl doesn’t need to partake in managing us, we’ll have our own manager, our own studio — everything!” Sunghoon excitedly shared, making you smile wider. 

“That’s great love, I’m so, so proud of you and Arcanum,” you only said, leaning on him to give him a deep kiss on the lips which he only reciprocated. 

“We’ll be busy this year, you’re going to attend Decelis in two months, while once we sign our contracts, we’ll be gearing up to release our debut single.” Sunghoon explained. “We might always come home to an empty house now.”

“Are you afraid?” you asked worriedly.

“Of course not, I have faith in both of us, but y/n,” he settles you on the chair in front of him. Hands holding you as he gives you an assuring smile. “We might not see each other from time to time because we’re too busy, but I want to let you know that I will always support you no matter what.”

Before you could say anything, Sunghoon grabs something from his coat’s inner pocket, your eyes widening at the velvet box that he’s holding. 

“Hoon,” you whispered.

“We were tied to be married when we were young, and we promised that we’ll only get married when we’re ready, and though one year has passed and a lot of things have changed, we still have a long way to go, for us.” Sunghoon stated.

You remained quiet, only staring at him who gently cups your face. 

“I want you to think of me whenever you see this ring,” he said as he proceeded to open the box. Your eyes widened at the pair of rings — both have subtle engraved diamonds, with the other one thinner with a much more intricate design. 

“And I’ll think of you whenever I see the ring too,” Sunghoon added. “It’s a promise ring. A promise for us that we’ll be with each other no matter what. It’ll be our strength especially during hard times.”

Tears started flowing from your eyes, out of happiness, you let out a choked laugh as you wiped your tears away — bumping into Sunghoon's hands who faltered a laugh as he gently wiped the tears away. 

“Hoon, I don’t know what to say…I love it — gosh, I love you so, so much, you don’t know how happy this makes me,” you could only say, almost stumbling to your words.

Sunghoon didn’t say a word. He removes the ring and gently puts it in your ring finger, fitting perfectly like it was meant for you. You copied his action, grabbing the other band and placing it in his ring finger. 

“Promise me that you’ll be there for me,” Sunghoon stated. 

“Of course, I’ll be there for you, just like you’ll be with me,” you only smiled. “Forever.” 

Sunghoon grabs your cheeks once again, planting a kiss on your lips which you delicately replied, sealing the promise you two have. Breaking the kiss, Sunghoon only stared at you, eyes brightening as his smile became wider. 

READ HERE total parts ⤷ 15 ⁞ 𐚁 feb 2026 status: ongoing

PROLOGUE ㅡ PART ONE No profit ㅡ PART TWO Chessboard ㅡ PART THREE Endless ㅡ PART FOUR I’m sick of games ㅡ PART FIVE Too easy ㅡ PART SIX Fill the thirst ㅡ PART SEVEN Sink my teeth in ㅡ PART EIGHT An empty mirage ㅡ PART NINE Because I see everything ㅡ PART TEN I know you’re enjoying it ㅡ PART ELEVEN The more you hide it ㅡ PART TWELVE The more it appears ー PART THIRTEEN Feel the bite 001 002 ー PART FOURTEEN Let’s play together — PART FIFTEEN It’s no use — PART SIXTEEN Love 𓈒 𓈒 𓈒 more to come

DRABBLES: Seoul City 23.8k ᐟ⋆ S you have a strict “never fuck park sunghoon again” policy in motion. but unfortunately, he’s got a big mouth, an even bigger dick, and absolutely zero intentions of letting you keep your promises.

──── disclaimer this is a work of fiction as in no way a depiction of any of the individuals mentioned.

faq: do you have an update schedule? when will the story end?

i don’t have an update schedule and there’s no official end date in sight the full plot is mapped out though and i update whenever the chapter is ready. teeth is a story i’ve been writing for years and up until chapter 14 i had drafts ready to go but now it’s a process of solely writing as i go, i can’t promise speed so please be patient with me :)

the social media elements in the early chapters are only there to offer perspective in a more immersive way. the story will mainly consist of written chapters. teeth!sunghoon look 01 | look 02

⋆ ASKS/REBLOGS/COMMENTS ALWAYS APPRECIATED ⋆

if you enjoyed, even the tiniest bit of love and feedback means the world to me, especially since this is my first ever published fic! ♡

-

It’s already eleven in the evening.

The hallways were empty and lights were dimmed throughout the whole building. The only lights that were on were in your office where you sat on your couch, analyzing the latest product campaign for your new lip gloss collection.

You leaned against the headboard too casually like you’re in your house, but it shouldn’t surprise you either since you basically treat your office like it's your own home. Eleven pm was still early for you to go home. There are a lot of things that you still need to check and approve before the meeting tomorrow — you want to make sure that everything will be flawless after all.

Then a soft knock echoed inside the empty office, completely startling you. Your hands scrunched the paper you were holding as you looked up at the person who disturbed you.

“It’s eleven in the evening,” he said. “I think it’s time to go home.”

“Give me five minutes.” you quickly said before shifting your attention towards your paper.

“You said that thirty minutes ago.” 

You only smiled, “and yet you let me go past five minutes.”

“Okay, that is enough, let’s go home y/n,” Heeseung said in defeat before walking towards you. You were quick enough to dodge his hands as you gave him a glare.

“Heeseung.”

“Love.” he dictated and your heart skipped.

“Damn you Lee, I thought endearments aren’t allowed inside the office?” you cursed at him.

“During office hours, and it’s just the two of us here,” he explained and with you distracted, Heeseung snatched the papers off your hands. You could only groan as a complaint when he returned to your table to put down the papers. After that, he grabbed all your stuff before approaching you once again.

“Come on now, or do you want me to carry you on the way towards the elevator Miss l/n?” he asked.

You chuckled to his suggestion. Grabbing your bag from him, you put on your shoes and stood up to face him, “I don’t think that the securities will be pleased to see their boss being carried by her bodyguard Mr. Lee.”

“I am your bodyguard for a reason,” he pointed out. 

“That wasn’t part of your job description.” you joked and Heeseung merely laughed at your words. You walked out of the office first, and eventually, Heeseung followed behind after grabbing his bag. Walking behind at a safe distance until you two entered the elevator.

The two of you went inside the elevator together, Heeseung pressed the button of the underground parking, and the silence devoured you two in a tension that crawled on both of your skin. You two were an inch apart and yet, it kills both of you to be at that distance.

“Your place? Or mine?” Heeseung asked suddenly.

“Mine,” you simply said before opening your bag. As the elevator reached its destination, you lent Heeseung the keys of your car which he accepted without any questions.

The two of you went to the only car inside the parking lot. Heeseung unlocks the car’s door, opening the door of the passenger seat for you. You gave him a smile as you went inside before he closed it and went to the driver’s seat.

It had become a routine. An act that you two had memorized and danced around for years. The moment Heeseung started the engine, your shoulders relaxed and you could finally breathe again.

“Do you want some food?” he asked as he started to drive away from the building.

You shake your head, massaging your temples as you feel your head spinning. “Just tired.”

““I want to go straight to bed” tired or “I needed something relaxing to do” tired?” he asked once again while his eyes were fixed on the road.

“The latter.”

“What do you want to do then?”

“A bath? Maybe something to soak into,” you mumbled as you leaned on the window, you watched as the car passed by stores and establishments that were closed at the dead of the night. Now that you had gotten out of your office, you suddenly felt weary and tired. 

“Just take a nap, I’ll wake you up when we’re home,” Heeseung ordered and it felt like a spell because you unknowingly let out a yawn.

Before you knew it, your eyes closed by itself, drifting to your slumber. The car was quiet as Heeseung only drove smoothly. Eyes on the road as he lets you sleep throughout the whole drive.

As soon as you two reached the building of your house and parked at the garage, Heeseung turned off the engine and glanced at you. 

“Hey,” he tapped your shoulder lightly and in a split second, you woke up, glancing at him who gave you a smile.

“We’re home.” Heeseung announced as he removed your seatbelt.

“Thank you love,” you mumbled. 

As the two of you walked out of the car together, you couldn’t help but to lean against Heeseung’s side, a subtle way to break down the gap between the two of you. Heeseung knew what it meant and gently, he placed his arms around your shoulders and pulled you close to him. It was each other’s cue — the two of you are free to move now.

Because behind closed doors and private moments, you and your personal guard-slash-assistant Lee Heeseung were lovers. A love that goes way back in high school. Way back in your small hometown where you and Heeseung lived in the same street, went to the same school, wherein your friendship bloomed into a young, puppy love that seemed to be perfect like the movies. 

They say never mix business with pleasure, and you make sure that your private life is completely uninvolved in your company. Especially now that your makeup brand has become a consistent trend globally, everyone’s eyes are also on you. Having been present in every collection launch and talks, you were the face of your brand — the spotlight will always be on you, that’s why you wanted to make sure that your personal background would remain unexposed to the world.

While your lover? Heeseung preferred to be in the shadows. A few feet apart from you, assisting and guiding you in every step you make. He made sure you remained grounded, and you’re thankful that he’s always there watching after you. He wasn’t just an assistant in your company — everyone knows how important Lee Heeseung is to their boss.

Still, no questions about your relationship with him. They merely see it as something professional, and perhaps because the two of you are great with hiding your relationship in public.

The reason why it remained private? Simple — Heeseung doesn’t want to be in the spotlight. He just doesn’t want to. End of discussion. It was his only request and you knew that it was for the best for the two of you. Having a relationship revealed in public could end up with unsolicited advice from strangers, the continuous questions about your status rather than your own business, and of course, rumors and scandals that may ruin one’s reputation. 

Hence why you two continued loving in secret. Your status remained a mystery to the whole world and you only gave them a smile whenever they asked you whether you're single or not.

“Does it matter?” it’s always been your answer. There’s no interview of yours wherein they ask about your status and every interview, that’s your answer. They seem like they have grown tired of your answer. The public seemed to have concluded that you’re just a strong, independent woman who didn’t need a man, while the man who always trails behind you was just nothing but your bodyguard.

If only they knew, sometimes you wished they knew how tender Heeseung’s love is for you. How he treats you so delicate yet admires your serious side especially inside the office. You wanted to brag about it to other people, but you remained quiet because you didn't want to be a selfish one who couldn’t comply with her lover’s only wish.

But perhaps, Heeseung was the selfish one here, since he didn’t want to share to the public how he loves you. You two could’ve been a great image of a long-lasting love but maybe, things like that are meant to be a quiet form of love. 

Despite that, your relationship with Heeseung has been going strong ever since you said yes when he asked you if he can be your boyfriend. It’s not perfect, you’ll admit. There are flaws and challenges you two had to face, but everything seems to be peaceful now. Your relationship has become secure ever since.

“I can’t believe it’s only Wednesday,” you complained the moment you entered the bathroom.

The bathtub was halfway full. Everything’s warm and smelled like lavender. Heeseung was by the cabinet, returning the scent oils you two keep while you hummed in contentment. You grabbed a hair tie and tied your hair in a messy bun enough to keep it dry during the bath.

“You’re overworking yourself too much, that’s why,” Heeseung answered. You only chuckled in his words before you started to undress yourself, same goes with him.

“Well, this is my life Hee,” you pointed out after shrugging the last garments. “And it will always be. Who am I if not a good CEO who’s hands-on to her company and people?”

Heeseung faces you. His expression was soft yet filled with worry, “I know my love, and I’m proud of you. But sometimes, you have to put yourself first, alright? It might deteriorate your health at some point.”

“It won’t, you’re there to look after me after all,” you said with full confidence.

“Of course, I will always be here,” he assured before planting a kiss on your lips.

You kissed him back — just enough to feel his lips and love for you. The tension started to rise and the room became hotter as Heeseung’s hold on your face tightened, a breathy groan escaped his mouth as his movement became hungrier, eager for more that it became too much. You pulled away from him in a second, catching your breath as his hands let go of you.

“I’m too tired for sex love,” you told him immediately, and he only stared at you, nodding before giving you a smile. 

“Okay, it’s okay love, should we get into the bath?” he offered and you nodded.

The bath tub was almost full  when you and Heeseung settled inside the bath tub. The water was enough to cover you two. You leaned your back against Heeseung’s chest and everything moved out of instinct. Heeseung grabbed the loofa nearby, lathering it with enough soap before he grabbed your arms, carefully scrubbing it. 

“You don’t have to do this,” you whispered to him and a kiss on the temples was all you got.

“But I want to,” he insisted, and his careful touches were enough for you to relax against his warmth as he continued cleaning every part of your body.

Heeseung had already memorized every part of your body. He knew you like the back of his hand that he knew which sigh was out of relief or out of contentment. He knew that when you rubbed your ears, it was out of discomfort or how you fiddle your fingers out of anxiety.

Or when you rubbed your shoulders with your thumb gently caressing it, you’re eager for something — that’s when he stopped. Placing down the loofa beside and letting you settle down on his chest again. Your thumb left your shoulders and instead was placed on his hands that were wrapped around your stomach area. You started playing with his slender fingers, intertwining with it which he squeezed lightly as answer, making you giggle at the act. 

“Contended?” he asked.

“I love it,” you smiled. “A relaxing bath with my loving boyfriend, everything’s perfect love.”

Heeseung hummed at your answer. You rested further on his weight, head on the corner of his shoulder which instinctively made Heeseung kiss your temples.

You closed your eyes as you found yourself relaxed at the tranquil silence. Ignoring how your lover’s hands started to travel around your body, since Heeseung has always been touchy with you.

But slowly, his right hand trailed from your stomach down your pussy. You open your eyes out of surprise when he starts playing with it.

“Love —” but you were cut off when Heeseung hushes you, slender fingers gently rubbing your clit in circles making you lean against him further. “Ha — shit.”

“You wanted to relax, right? Just let me do my work,” he kissed the end of your shoulder while his fingers did good motions on your bud. “Just relax my love. It’s just us, let yourself fall.”

A deep exhale escaped your lips as he drew eights on your clit at just the right pace. Enough to make you moan and give your body little twitches every second. You could hear his contended hum as his left hand travelled on the swell of your breasts. Gently fondling your left curve which left you wanting more.

“Heeseung — please,” you whispered and before he could ask, you turned your head on him and captured his lips in which he reciprocated immediately. The kiss was gentle and careful. His lips guided yours in a careful motion, before you pushed yourself deeper on him, earning an earthy chuckle from your lover.

“What happened to ‘no sex’ tonight?” he teased.

“We’re just kissing,” you stated. “Just — please, I just want to feel good.” 

Heeseung hummed for a second before inserting his callous fingers inside your entrance, completely catching you off-guard.

“Love — oh!” his fingers curled at your spot immediately, earning a shaky moan from you. You fell immediately to his touch, breathing becoming unstable as he continued to play with your insides. Your warm walls hugged his fingers, needy and eager to grasp its roughness as Heeseung’s fingers did scissoring motion in a fast pace before curling at the spot that had you seeing stars.

“Hee!” your right hand found its way to his arms but your lover only hushed you quietly, a broken sob escaped your lips as you looked at him. “Please?”

“Are you going to cum now love? That fast?” he teased with a smirk and as much as his tone annoyed you, you nodded to his question, eager for release and an orgasm that hopefully might wash off today’s stress. 

Heeseung locked his lips on yours again, hungrier and rougher which you reciprocated with much desire. His finger continued abusing your hole until you broke down — moaning in his lips as your toes curled at the sensation, pussy clamping his fingers but that didn’t stop him, and instead, Heeseung pulled out without any hesitation and rubbed your clit fast. 

“Stop! Hee —” you gripped on his shoulders tight, your back ached as his hands didn’t stop playing with your clit until you were a crying mess. You were catching your breath when he stopped while you remained shaky by the aftermath.

You don’t even know if you were exhausted or relaxed by his actions, and yet, you let your lover shower you with kisses and hum as he wrapped his arms around your stomach. Contented with his actions while you close your eyes again in attempts to relax. 

“You did good my love,” he whispered to you as he planted a kiss on your temples. You only hummed in response, body finally relaxing as the high slowly started to dissolve. You leaned back against him but you weren’t ignorant with the way his thick cock poked against your back.

“Love, you’re hard.” you told him.

“I know, but It’ll down die later.” he answered immediately and that made you turn around and look around him.

“It’s unfair on your part,” you said before shifting your position to face him.

“Love, you said you’re too tired for sex and I understand. I did it to relax you further, not lead you onto having sex with me,” he explained and as much as you wanted to be flattered by his soft explanation, you couldn’t help but to crave for more especially when his huge shaft stood tall in front of you.

“Yeah, but I couldn’t relax further now, you riled me up Hee,” you objected.

Heeseung raised an eyebrow, “you sure?”

And instead of answering him, you shifted further close to him. Your knees scraping against the marbled surface of the bathtub before you grabbed his dick, pumping it a few times before you aligned it on your pussy.

“I want this,” you answered back before you felt his bulbous tip opening your entrance further, making you moan at the sensation as you slowly sinked down to his cock.

“You feel so good love,” you whispered to him as you felt yourself full and filled while your pussy swallowed his cock whole. You leaned close to him and sealed his lips with a kiss before gazing at him. His round bambi-like eyes turned sharp and lustful making you smirk as you cup his cheeks gently.

“Just relax for me, love alright?” with that, you moved your hips. Going up and down as the water started to spill outside the tub. Your pace slowly became fast as you felt the sensation of your cervix getting rammed by Heeseung’s cock.

Heeseung rested on the edge of the bathtub. Hands on your waist as he watches you bounce on his dick, eager to get him off, even though the mere view of you on top of him was enough. The breathy moans that escaped your lips every time his tip kissed your cervix, the way your expression distorted in pleasure while your tits bounced at every movement. Heeseung could only curse under his breath — he’s the only one who could see this side of you after all.

“Fuck, keep going love,” Heeseung moaned before capturing your breast with mouth. He looked up to you, watching you throw your head back out of pleasure as his tongue swirled around your hardening bud. Your grip on his shoulder tightened as he held you firm on your waist, guiding you in your movement.

“Hee — oh my gosh!” you shouted as you became more rougher, knees reddening against the surface but it only drove you further to make your lover cum. 

“That’s it love — fuck, your pussy’s sucking me good y’know?” he spoke into you, pushing you further until your pussy’s starting to tighten around his cock.

“Fuck, why am I — I’m supposed to make you cum!” you cried, but you didn’t stop, you continued your actions because you could feel your orgasm brewing in your pit.

“It’s no worries love,” Heeseung assured. “Come here.” 

Heeseung pulled you for another hungry kiss, you let yourself fall back as you kissed him. Hands tightening on his shoulder while you continued bouncing on his dick — the same time he started thrusting upwards to meet your movements.

The pleasure became more intense. Everything felt overwhelming, filled with eagerness as both of you followed a rhythm that only you two could do. The tub that used to be full is now halfway empty due to the roughness of your actions, too hungry for the pleasure of each other’s warmth.

And perhaps, you two are just madly, deeply, in love with each other, because the moment you two broke off the kiss, and you let yourself rest on Heeseung’s shoulder, your lover continued the act for you, knowing that your stamina is lower than him.

You came before he could’ve, but Heeseung didn’t care at all. He had loved that you tried even though you insisted that you’re not in the mood for sex tonight. That’s why he took over, taking care of you just like he always does. 

It didn’t take a while for him to cum too. He relaxed underneath your touch, arms tight around your waist as his cum spilled inside you, warm and thick, you could only whine in satisfaction of being filled by your lover. 

“You did good love,” Heeseung assured. Rubbing your back gently as he kisses your temple. You only hummed as you let yourself be assured by your lover.

“‘M sorry,” you mumbled, head resting on his shoulder as you find yourself becoming drowsy, tiredness finally hitting you. 

“No worries love,” he repeated. “Should we get out now? The water’s cold now, maybe we should take a quick shower to wash our body further.” 

You nodded as an answer before your lover carried you to move towards the shower area. The shower was quick with Heeseung washing every inch of your body while you stood there, tired and on the verge of sleeping.

After changing into sleeping clothes and having your hair dried. The two of you returned to the bedroom — not until you grabbed your phone because that’s when you noticed the numerous missed calls from your employee.

“It’s Jungwon,” you announced as you looked at your phone.

“At this hour?” Heeseung tried to snatch your phone but you managed to dodge his hands.

“It might be important,” you stated, knowing how the younger one could be.

Heeseung crossed his arms, “it’s past midnight, things like that are unprofessional y/n.”

“But he won’t be calling me at this hour if it wasn’t important,” you reasoned out.

“Because you enable this habit of his,” Heeseung interjected. “Come on now, let’s go to sleep. We still have work tomorrow —”

“Five minutes,” you pleaded. “Just five minutes and I’d be in bed.”

Heeseung stared at you for a second. He only shook his head before he nodded, “fine, five minutes.”

You smiled at him before planting a kiss on his lips. “Love you.”

Heeseung hummed, accepting your gesture as he smiled shortly, “love you too.”

He watched as you left the room while he made himself comfortable on your king-sized bed. The silence was killing him. You should’ve been in bed, cuddling with him to sleep but Heeseung knew how important your company is to you that you just couldn’t help but to look after it at this ungodly hour.

Heeseung decided to just kill time by playing some online game, something worth five minutes while waiting for you. He grabbed his phone and opened some of his games — and he finished it within five minutes.

He looked at the bedroom door and you’re still outside. Still talking to Jungwon who’s probably talking his heart out about whatever idea he has that he had to bug you late at night. A deep sigh escaped his lips as he looked up at the ceiling. He pondered about whether to get up and grabbed you to go to sleep, but the bed became too comfortable for him to move. Heeseung finds himself tired now too.

Five minutes turned into ten, until slowly, Heeseung lost track of time and he had drifted off to sleep without you on his side. 

-

Your company has always been a bustling building that smelled like rose and soft eucalyptus.

The atmosphere has always been light. Bright greetings and warm smiles welcomed you in which you reciprocated naturally as you made your way towards your office. You always made sure that your employees aren’t intimidated by you. Limitations exist but you didn’t want them to deem you unapproachable. 

Meanwhile, Heeseung was behind you, casual and relaxed while carrying your bag — a daily sight for everyone. They knew Heeseung was your personal assistant, and they knew how meticulous he was when it came to his job. They always joke about it. Wherever you are, there’s Heeseung trailing behind you. 

Still, they never question your relationship with Heeseung. Especially when you two keep it professional and at distance whenever there are employees around. 

“Good you’re here,” Jungwon, your creative director, greeted. He was sitting casually on the couch when you entered the office.

“You’re too excited for your proposal Mr. Yang,” you smiled at him as you went to your desk chair. Heeseung placed down your bag at the table, greeting Jungwon midway. 

“Well I am because I think this is going to be the turning point of our company Ms. l/n. Trust me on this one,” he insisted, filled with enthusiasm that you couldn’t bear to ignore.

“You said that last night too, and I can trust your suggestion as always. Please gather every section head and hold a meeting at ten, I’ll be there immediately,” you ordered and with that, Jungwon nodded.

“I already gave them a gist of it and they like the idea. All I need is your approval if I am going to be honest.” 

“Well, I am listening,” you answered. “What you propose has always been for the good of the company, so who am I to say no?”

“Good, that’s good call Ms. l/n, I’ll see you later at ten,” and with that, Jungwon left the office. You only crossed your arms as a chuckle escaped your lips.

“Always an enthusiastic kid,” Heeseung commented with a chuckle.

“He has so much potential that it’s scary sometimes,” you added. “But it’s good potential, I like how he went from that anxious intern back then to a more confident board member in our company.”

Heeseung nodded, “I wonder what he’s planning to propose this time.”

“We’ll learn about it in the meeting, but for now, how about a warm cup of coffee?” you asked, glancing at him with a nod. 

“Of course Miss,” he answered with a formal tone, and that was your cue. The two of you are in your office personas. No more petnames, or sweet gestures. He’s now your assistant, while you’re his boss.

-

The conference room was cold yet it was filled with anticipation as you sat in the middle chair. Heeseung sat on your right, Ipad in front of him as he was readying himself to jot down important details during the meeting.

Jungwon was already in front, pacing back and forth, mumbling some words under his breath which you find amusing. Soon, every chair was filled with the section head who seemed confident about today’s agenda.

“Now that we’re here, should we get the meeting started Mr. Yang?” you stated, loud and clear enough for your other employees to be quiet.

“Of course! Without further ado, the reason why I called everyone in this meeting was because I have found Mayumi beauty, a new brand ambassador,” Jungwon proposed, and you raised an eyebrow. 

Heeseung glanced at you. A brand ambassador? This one’s not new to you but it’s been months since you last had an ambassador. You weren’t able to find another one who’s suited for the image of your brand. 

You watched as the presentation changed its slide. Jungwon clicked the video revealing a GRWM video from an idol. You weren’t familiar with musicians and singers, but you had found him appealing.

He had strong masculine features, sharp jaws and eyes, and a pretty bare face. He spoke with much softness as he went on with how he does his skincare routine.

“And this, I use this as my toner — this is my last bottle actually, and I heard this one’s discontinued, so shoutout to the owner of Mayumi beauty, please don’t. I need this toner, this one’s mild and doesn’t irritate my face at all,” he then laughed before gently placing the product on his face. He was careful with it, delicate like patting a baby’s skin.

You couldn’t help but to stare at him longer. Finding his features and movement gentle and clean, he seemed perfect.

“Stealer’s Jay?” one employee asked.

“Stealer has a good reputation. Ten years in the industry, no scandals, no controversies, they’re good-looking too,” Jungwon explained “I chose Jay specifically because one, he supports our products, and two, he’s the nation’s gentleman. His gentle and masculine aura is suitable for Mayumi’s calm and colorful branding. Plus, this video was just released yesterday. It trended worldwide and now, fans are demanding to buy the toner.”

“If we are able to get him as our ambassador, we could re-launch the night sky collection again, and it’ll be in demand this time,” you mumbled under your breath, deeply pondering about the possibilities of your collection becoming popular if you release it at the moment along with Stealer’s Jay becoming the face of your brand.

“That’s true! With that, we could also release a variety of skincare collections aside from makeup products, this is the perfect timing Miss l/n that I am talking about,” your director pointed out. A few employees agreed, while you remained quiet, deeply pondering about it as your eyes never left the screen where Jay’s face was plastered.

You didn’t even notice how your lover’s stare lingered on you for too long.

He could see it. The glimpse of hope in your eyes — the feeling wherein someone had appreciated your products. The Night sky care routine was one of your first collections that you had released. It was a risk, venturing to skin care from makeup products. Heeseung advised you to take it slow and focus on makeup products, but you were persistent.

In the end, the sales weren’t good compared to your makeup products. You were forced to stop the production and just let it run out of stock. It took you years to return the loss in profit that you never tried to launch other products aside from makeup products.

“Would he accept it?” you asked. “You know how some labels are wary about endorsement deals, if he’s really that popular, it would be probably hard for us to reach out to him.”

“Trust me in this one boss, I know how to contact Jay’s manager directly, give me a week and we’d have Jay as our brand ambassador in no time.” Jungwon answered with full confidence and you didn’t object further. He knew what he was doing and with your silent approval, that’ll be enough for him to get his phone and reach out to Jay’s manager.

You nodded, a quick glance from Heeseung who only eyed Jungwon. 

“Then give me an update within the week.” you settled and Jungwon seemed satisfied with your answer.

The meeting ended immediately. No further concerns were addressed to you. The whole day passed by in a blur. Meetings and shortcomings that were adjourned immediately like a piece of cake. The day felt like your typical day in your life as a cosmetic brand’s owner. 

Everything feels fine but you noticed it. The quiet and reserved mood of your boyfriend. He was quiet after the meeting. Formal and distant that it confused you all of the sudden.

“Mr. Lee, please come to my office now,” you ordered. It was three in the afternoon, and you’re not going to wait until five. It’s eating you alive. Heeseung’s the type to keep his concerns all by himself and you didn’t want his worries to be bottled up in his mind.

“Yes, Ms. l/n, is there anything that you want?” he asked using his formal tone. He stood tall in front of you. Hands clasped behind his back, patient as he waits for your words. 

“You’ve been quiet since the meeting, is there something wrong about it? You can tell me,” you told him immediately.

Heeseung stared at you for a second. He looked like he’s pondering whether to lie or not. But you knew your lover, you’d be able to catch even the smallest white lie that would slip out of his mouth. That’s why you gave him an assuring smile and you witnessed how his shoulder relaxed. 

“Do you really want it? A new ambassador, and releasing an old collection?” he asked. “You’re doing fine now with your makeup collection, why venture out further?”

“Why not Hee? It’s the perfect timing, you see how in demand the toner at the moment, we should be able to get that momentum immediately especially when Stealer’s Jay made it trend too,” you answered immediately before raising an eyebrow. “Unless you don’t trust my choices.”

“Of course not, and I am sorry if I crossed the line with my words,” he immediately replied and it made your forehead creased. The Heeseung you’re talking to right now is your assistant, not your lover.

You stood up from your chair, walking towards him who remained from his place. As you come face to face with him, just a few inches close to each other, your eyes are locked on him.

This distance felt wrong. You two aren’t allowed at this distance especially when at any moment, someone might walk into your office.

But you were concerned about Heeseung, a thin line forming on your lips as you tried to search for his gaze. “Is this about having a male ambassador?”

“Would it be stupid if I said yes?” he answered and you only smiled. Your hands find their way towards his neck tie, proper and clean, and yet you acted like you fixed it. 

“He’s just a brand ambassador, we had tons of male ambassadors before, this is not the first time Heeseung.” you assured.

He was quiet for a minute before he said, “just a bad hunch about this.”

“Bad hunch? What do you mean?”

“I don’t know either,” he simply stated. “But my guts are telling me something.”

You chuckled at his words. “Maybe you’re just hungry Mr. Lee, why don’t you go out and buy us some instant ramen at the family mart? I’m kinda craving it too.”

But Heeseung didn’t move. He only stared at you which made you flinch, his eyes told you that he's not joking, and you immediately understood it.

“You don’t have to worry, love,” you swore to him. “This is simply just work.”

“I know,” he replied. “I just, everything feels funny to me right now. Maybe you’re right, maybe I’m just hungry.”

Guilt hovered over you as his words were a sigh of defeat. Before Heeseung could turn his back, you grabbed him by his sleeves. He was surprised by your actions but everything faded when you gave him a smile.

“This is nothing Heeseung, you know that my heart belongs to you,” you told him.

“I know, and I’m sorry for making you worry about me.”

“I like it sometimes, when I worry about you,” you smiled. “Relationships should be equal after all.”

Heeseung only nodded, your heart became calm as you noticed that he seemed satisfied with your conversation. 

“We’ll be okay Heeseung,” you said using your softest tone. “Okay?” 

His shoulders relaxed. Eyes locked on you as he held your hands, squeezing it for a second before letting go.

“Always,” he answered and that assured you.

A soft gesture. An exchange of words that you two stole from the movie, “The fault in our stars.” Heeseung thought that the ‘okay’ was too cliche, while you, on the other hand, think that ‘always’ was too absurd. In the end, it became a corny thing for the two of you to say to assure each other. Something more meaningful than “I love you,” because you two only knew what it meant. 

And for the following years the two of you had been together, those words became constant. A gentle reminder that you love each other unconditionally. 

-

Park Jongseong was brooding and charismatic. At the age of thirty-one, he’s one of the prominent stars in the k-industry. Main vocal and leader of Stealer — a three-member male group, they have been dominating the charts and general public ever since they debuted. Never fading, never out-trended by their younger juniors.

In less than a week, Jongseong’s label agreed to the endorsement deal. The following week, he’s in your company building, for the contract signing and first photoshoot of the collection. 

Everyone gushed at him. How can they not? Park Jongseong was not only charismatic, he was also charming and a gentleman. Soft-spoken yet humorous to begin with. He had managed to swoon everyone inside the room with just his mere presence and aura.

Most of all, he had managed to capture your attention. You welcomed him with a warm handshake and smile, his expression immediately light-up the moment he saw you. The two of you conversed during the contract signing and his gentle demeanor made you put your trust in him within a few minutes of getting to know him.

“I am serious Ms. l/n, your products saved my life,” he said with much sincerity which made you smile wider.

“Same goes to you Mr. Park, suddenly, there’s a boost in our sales and demands. I am honored that you agreed to be our ambassador.” you replied, not noticing how Jongseong’s smile became wider as he looked at you.

“I am honored too, to be chosen as an ambassador from a gorgeous woman like you.”

The compliment caught you off-guard. The soft squeals and teasings from your employees could be heard but you only laughed it off before you asked one employee to guide Jongseong towards the makeup room. The teasing never stopped and yet, you ignored it as you proceeded to talk to Jungwon about other details. 

The atmosphere during the shoot was light. Everyone was in a good mood. Music filled the place as Jay struck a pose professionally in front of the camera. He looked clean with subtle makeup, holding the product in his hand as he gazed at the camera. He was mesmerizing to say, compliments echoed inside the room, boosting his confidence further. 

You were monitoring behind the screen. Arms crossed as your face observed Jay’s professionalism. He’s easy to work with. A natural that even if he just stood there, he’d be able to sell the product. He was able to give his own insights, making the photoshoot quick and laid-back.

“This is perfect,” you mumbled. A proud smile on your face as you stare at Jay. 

“I told you, I got you boss,” Jungwon proudly answered and you only pat the younger’s shoulders as an act of gratitude.

“Thank you,” you heaved out a sigh. You couldn’t believe it. Your collection would be given another chance. Everything wouldn’t happen if it wasn’t for Jungwon’s idea. The thought had made your heart swell in pride. You have achieved another goal. You were able to venture outside your makeup products and everything is going smoothly given that you had scored a famous idol as your endorser. 

The shoot finished late at night. Everyone was tired yet warmly congratulated everyone for a successful wrap. Jay had approached you and you only gave him a smile as you accepted his hands. Congratulations and words of gratitude started off the conversation until the two of you ventured out, going from one topic to another.

Everyone seems to have gushed at the two of you, but you chose to laugh it off. Remaining at a safe distance with the idol who seems eager to get to know you.

You didn’t even notice that Heeseung has been staring at you for way too long. He was by the corner, helping everyone clean up the studio because he tries — tries hard not to show how it annoys him that you’re talking with Jay. 

Heeseung shouldn’t worry…right?

Because he chose to love you in secret. He chose to ask you to keep your relationship private even though there’s a deep yearning for you to tell the public about your relationship. He chose this life and he should owe up to his decision.

Heeseung trusts you too. That’s why he shouldn’t worry about how your laugh was too loud at Jongseong’s jokes — and how the whole room seemed to be amused by your chemistry with him. 

He shouldn’t worry. Definitely not. 

“Let’s go?” you approached, making his thoughts disappear.

The shoot ended hours ago. It was past one am and everyone had left the studio inside the office. The only people remaining inside the office were you and Heeseung.

Heeseung shouldn’t worry at all. Not when he’s the one you go home with. You seem to be in a good mood that he only resorted to giving you a small smile before grabbing your stuff and leading you towards the elevator. 

Your routine never changed. The distance is still apart and yet Heeseung didn’t miss the way you kept on glancing at him, like you were itching to tell him something. 

“I missed you,” you spoke to him the moment you two had reached your place. It should’ve assured him, especially when you clinged to him like a koala. Your arms wrapped around his while you pressed your cheeks on his side. You looked cute and soft, and you only act like this around him.

That should lessen his worries. You’re still the same girl who he loved since high school after all. Nothing has changed.

Especially when you two ended up in bed. Naked, sweaty, and high from the euphoric bliss that only the two of you could enjoy. After the assuring kisses and words, you lay on his chest, hearing the soft heartbeat as it rises softly against the warm moment you two just did.

Perhaps, that should settle his worry. Heeseung’s arms held onto you even tighter, caressing your skin unknowingly, finding comfort that you’re here with him — not with Jongseong, not with anyone. Him. 

“Love,” you called out, snapping Heeseung out of his thoughts.

“Yeah? Do you need something?” he asked immediately.

You stared at him for a minute, like you were analyzing his expression. That scared Heeseung for a moment. Afraid that he was too obvious about his worries. 

But you only gave him a tender smile before tapping his nose. 

“We’re okay right?” you asked and that simply made him sigh with relief.

He gave you a smile, strong hands brushing your hair delicately, “always, my love.”

In the end, he shouldn’t be worrying too much. Especially when you could assure him without having Heeseung to open up his worries.

-

Jongseong’s ambassadorship was a hit.

Your sales rocketed. Stocks are in demand and it wasn’t only a domestic hit — international demands were also quick to rise. Expansions of global stores outside South Korea are in talks, and it just processed into you how big of an impact Jongseong’s ambassadorship was to your brand.

You were grateful for him. Sending him flowers and gifts during their domestic concert. Personally, he expressed his gratitude to you and you were just glad that you made the right call to accept him as your brand’s ambassador. 

Aside from that, everything was still in the water. You were still preparing for your new launches aside from the night sky collection. Everyday felt like a constant rush, but in a good way for you. Your brand has become consistent in the industry, and you wanted to keep it that way.

Of course, your relationship with Heeseung still remained serene. Private and intimate, just like it has always been. The constant routine never bore the two of you too, and somewhere, with all the busy demands you had at the moment, all you could think of was going home just to be with your lover.

You missed him. Which is funny given that you two see each other everyday. But it’s different when you call him “love” or when his touch lingers on your skin. You wanted more of it. Was it too much to ask? You wondered one day.

“Heeseung, can we go to the mall? I just want to check our store there and I want to buy something for a special someone” you asked Heeseung one Friday morning.

Your meeting just ended, and Jungwon reminded you about your newly-opened store at the brand-new mall in the shopping district. You wanted to check an update on it especially when Jay’s still currently on trend right.

It was a perfect opportunity for you to also buy a gift to Mrs. Lee. Her birthday’s fast approaching and Heeseung had rented a beach villa for the celebration. Aside from that, you also wanted to spend more time with your boyfriend, alone. It’s like hitting a lot of birds with one stone.

“Of course Miss l/n, should we head there right now?” he asked and you nodded as an answer. 

The two of you left the office around lunch time. No one batted an eye at the scene. Even at the mall, no one questioned the two of you. Heeseung has always kept a distance from you. Like a puppy trailing to its owner, except well, your puppy is a six-foot tall man in his formal suit.

You went to your store first. Checking the sales and talking to the store manager who accommodated you warmly. You two shared a couple of updates while Heeseung wandered around the store. Seeing Jay’s face plastered at every corner, his lips could only form a thin line — not wanting jealousy to incite him during a field work.

“Everything’s doing fine here,” you said with glee before approaching Heeseung. “Jay’s photocard is currently sold out. It was a great deal to have his photocard as a freebie for the collection. I have to remind Jungwon that we need to restock it — and probably have it reprint again, since it is selling fast.”

“He’s a good ambassador, he’s great at promoting it too,” Heeseung commented yet his voice remained neutral. “He also has the face.”

You laughed at your boyfriend’s words. “You know love, you also have the face. If only, you could be our brand’s model.”

He only laughed, “I’d like to keep my beauty reserved for your eyes only.”

“You’re so corny.” you stuck out your tongue on him before pulling his arms, wrapping around it dearly as you pulled him away from the store. “Come on now, let’s go shopping while we’re here.”

Heeseung removed your hold from his. You were surprised but he gestured to you to walk first. Your frown became invisible. 

“There’s nothing to worry about love,” you convinced.

“Please, we’re still outside, Miss l/n,” he said with an authoritative tone and that made you flinch. 

Of course. Even in public, the two of you couldn’t act as a couple. Your face and name is pretty known. Rumors could stir up and that’s the last thing that Heeseung wanted you two to get involved in.

And yet, it couldn’t help when a bitter smile left your lips, “alright.” 

You walked in silence while Heeseung trailed behind you. A deep sigh escaping your lips as you have your boyfriend around but not on your side. You wonder when will the two of you even have the chance to walk together, do PDA or maybe holding hands like normal couples would do. 

All your thoughts faded when your eyes landed at a watch outlet. You decided to go inside to take a look into the products. Eyes darting at the smartwatch, you remembered Heeseung suddenly and his old smartwatch. The one he bought using his first salary. Now it’s hidden somewhere in his drawers, useless.

“What would you prefer?” you asked when you felt Heeseung’s presence nearby. “I think the deep red is your style, but it’s too eye-catching right? Maybe the army green would be nicer.”

“There’s no need to buy unnecessary things Miss l/n,” Heeseung answered and you glared at him.

“It’s for you, love,” you said, dictating the last word, making him raise an eyebrow at you.

“Y/n, for the love of god, we’re in public,” he said with a serious tone and you only stared at him for a good moment before darting back to the watches.

“Can I have this in army green? Thank you,” you asked the shop assistant who immediately left to get your order.

The two of you stood there in silence, waiting for the assistant to return, you impatiently tapped your heel as you turned around to your lover with your arms crossed.

“You worry too much,” you told him.

“Everyone knows you,” he replied. “I am just being careful.”

You wanted to ask him. What’s wrong if the two of you get caught in some rumors? It's not scandalous at all given you two have been dating for too long — nothing’s wrong with your relationship at all. Heeseung just wanted to keep it private and nothing more. 

But this is private. No press nor reporters. Just a couple doing a couple things. What’s wrong with it? It’s not like you’re that famous. Sure, some people may recognize you but it’s not to the extent of an idol’s popularity.

That’s why you wonder, why couldn’t the two of you be lovers in public? 

The shop assistant returned with the box a few minutes later. After checking the product, you bought it without sparing at the price. Giving it to Heeseung who accepted it in a blink.

“It’s for you, if you’re planning to return it to me, I am buying you another three of the same colors,” you said sternly at him.

“My watch is doing fine,” he said, glancing at the silver vintage watch his father left for him.

“I know, but use it how you want it. For your exercise or playing basketball — it’s for convenience love,” you told him.

“Thank you, Miss l/n.” he spoke formally and you visibly rolled your eyes at the name.

“Just call me by my name, please,” you told him and he didn’t say a word. 

The two of you wandered around the area longer than you expected. You couldn’t find a proper gift for Heeseung’s mother and you were slowly becoming impatient. It didn’t help that your lover isn’t in the mood to indulge in your schemes too. You wanted him to move freely and yet, he kept professional. Maintaining his job as your bodyguard.

The two of you ended up at a coffee shop nearby just to fuel your energy. The sun is almost setting and you had probably went to every store and had bought things that aren’t your gift for Mrs. Lee. Your frown was invisible and your feet were tired — not even the sweet cream soda could save your mood.

You stared at Heeseung who’s taking a sip of his coffee. Your eyes returned to the coffee shop and how mostly couples are inside. The two of you blended so perfectly around them. 

So this is what going out with your boyfriend feels like. It’s been so long since you and Heeseung had a date in public. Always indoors or if not, private rooms in expensive restaurants. This one felt normal — nostalgic like you two are back in your younger self.

But it was too far from your expectations. Not when Heeseung talked to you like you’re his boss — which is true in some ways, but you hated how he takes your private relationship too seriously. 

“Should we go now?” Heeseung asked a few minutes later, and you nodded. Too tired to deal with his attitude, you just decided to focus on finding a gift for his mother.

Fortunately, you ended up at a kitchenware store and remembered that Mrs. Lee had enrolled in baking lessons, so you decided to give her those expensive ceramic sets with different colors. 

“What do you think? Would she love this?” you asked Heeseung, glancing at the different displays before deciding to pick the sapphire blue set.

“I think your presence is enough for her,” he commented and you smiled bitterly.

“If only I could, but Jungwon had set it up as a wrapped-up dinner for Jay’s ambassadorship, I couldn’t say no to him since most of our staff had agreed to come.” you told him and his expression changed.

It was a sudden announcement. You weren’t able to say no since it was also the only time Jay’s free. Unfortunately, it landed on the same date as Mrs. Lee’s birthday celebration, leaving you no choice.

Heeseung nodded, “right, I forgot about that. I’m sorry, I couldn’t come.”

“It’s okay, I’m sorry I couldn’t come to auntie’s party,” you told him apologetically. 

“You know, you could always ditch the party and come with me,” Heeseung joked and instead of laughing, it only broke your heart more.

“I’ll make up next time, okay? I couldn’t leave my staff too,” you insisted and that made Heeseung exhale sharply. He never thought that you two were going to have this conversation inside a kitchenware store. 

“I’m not mad, I understand, but sometimes you have to put yourself first alright? If this is what you want, just go with it, and not because everyone expects you to be there.” he pointed out.

“Everyone’s expecting me to be there.”

“You’re such people pleaser, but y/n, sometimes it’ll just put you in a helpless situation.” Heeseung advised.

“I know love, I’m sorry, I’ll try next time,” you apologized. “It’s a good thing that you’re there for me, what would I do without you?”

“You’re a smart girl y/n, you can do things without me too,” he smiled and that comforted you in a split second. 

“I don’t know, maybe I’m too dependent on you,” you teased, making Heeseung chuckle.

“Someday, you’d learn that you’re still the independent girl whom I loved,” he professed and that thought only made your heart skip a beat. 

The two of you went home straight after a long day in the district. It was night time when the two of you had arrived at your place. You slumped down everything you bought on the couch while your gift remained in Heeseung's car.

That’s when you remembered, Heeseung’s going to leave in a few hours since he’s going to drive his way back to his hometown. It felt bitter to you since it’s also been so long since you went home. This was your only opportunity and yet, change of plans happened. It was a shame that couldn’t come but you promised Heeseung that you’ll make up with them when you’re not busy anymore..

“Don’t forget to send me updates alright?” Heeseung asked.

You smiled at him, giving him a quick kiss. “Of course love. Enjoy the party — oh! And tell auntie happy birthday, I’ll visit her soon.”

Heeseung nodded at your words before giving you another kiss. With one last glance, he went to his car and drove away from the apartment.

-

The beach villa was filled with bright noises and laughter.

Heeseung’s mother just turned sixty. Her face was still warm and hopeful as she made a wish before blowing the candles on the cake that her beloved youngest son was holding. Mrs. Lee smiled as she looked at Heeseung who had prepared everything despite his busy job in Seoul.

“What did you wish for grandma?” one of her grandchildren asked, and the old lady chuckled.

“Oh, just for my kid’s happiness and good health,” she answered softly. “And to have grandchildren from Seungie.”

“Mom, why would you say that?” Heeseung asked with a nervous chuckle, earning teases from the crowd.

“Well, you and y/n have been together for years! Goodness, when are you going to marry her?” an aunt asked and Heeseung brushed it off.

“At the right time,” he answered confidently.

“When will be the right time? Look at your mom, she’s aging now!” another one commented, erupting the whole room into laughter.

“Time is ticking Seungie,” Mrs. Lee teased before her smile turned small. “I do wish y/n is here with us.”

“Right, where is she by the way?” a relative asked.

“She’s busy, she wanted to come but they’re busy preparing for a collection launch, her employees are holding her back,” Heeseung explained, shrugging at the thought that you’re probably preparing for the company dinner. 

“She’s always so focused on her career, it’s rare to find a girl that’s passionate about the things she wants,” Mrs. Lee added, giving her youngest son a smile and pat on the back.

Ever since Heeseung introduced you to his family, his mother had doted on you like her own daughter. You, on the other hand, saw her like your second mother. The one who’d spoil you rotten with food and love aside from the love you receive from your biological one. You never missed her birthday ever since you dated Heeseung. Today was a rare case, but Mrs. Lee brushed it off, knowing how busy your career is.

It was hard for you to be absent on her birthday. Your family was present there — almost everyone was present except for you. Your gift lay rest among the rest, and you knew that it wasn’t enough to make it up to her. 

But the celebration continued. Soft music filled the living room, the elders were in their own world. Gossiping, playing cards, and talking about retirement plans while the youngsters took over the outdoor pool and beach outside. The sun was barely setting and everyone was in the middle of the fun.

Soon, beers and liquors were added to the party as night arrived. Heeseung was holding a bottle of beer, half-full and a shield for his uncles and male relatives who encouraged him to drink more. He managed to escape them, hanging out with his other relatives who are in the dining area, eating the cold leftovers. 

Heeseung was looking at his phone most of the time. Sending you updates and photos of the party. Messages like, “they kept asking where you are, wish you were here.” and “It’s not been a day where I’m not with you and I miss you already.” were sent to you. It made him wonder what you are doing right now and how the company dinner is doing.

It was past midnight when the party ended. The elders went to their respective room to rest, while some are still up for late-night drinking and swimming. Heeseung busied himself with cleaning up the dining area. Putting the food in the fridge and cleaning the dishes, feeling exhausted but still contended especially whenever he remembers his mother’s smile and excitement at her birthday party. 

“Heeseung hyung,” Heeseung turned around to see his younger relatives, gathered with a worried expression.

“Is this the reason why y/n noona’s not here?” one of them asked before handing Heeseung his phone.

Stealer’s Jay rumored to be dating y/n l/n, CEO of Mayumi Beauty following his ambassadorship with the brand.

It was enough for Heeseung to be nailed from where he was standing. His expression shifted into a shocked one as his hand tightened on the phone, staring at the photo of you and Jay. Leaving the restaurant, together, laughing — it looked convincing to the public.

The two of you were in your own world, not caring about hiding each other’s identity. Jay was looking at you with a gleam in his eyes, while you were smiling. It was a reckless act that will definitely ruin each other’s reputation. But if you’re not afraid to tell the world that you’re dating someone as perfect as Park Jongseong, then it shouldn’t be a reckless act at all.

“Uncle? Are you okay?” his niece asked, snapping him away from his thoughts.

“Is this true hyung? Is y/n noona cheating on you?” another cousin asked.

Cheating on him — you wouldn’t. You’re not the type to cheat on a relationship. Not when you’re dependent on him, especially when your conflicts with your relationship weren’t always about third parties and —

It felt like a bucket of ice water washed over him.

This is probably the first time that a person might be the problem in your relationship. And he’s not just any person. He’s Park Jongseong. The nation’s gentleman. Perfect. Charming. A lady’s man. Someone who’s open to his feelings about you in public — the only thing Heeseung couldn’t do. 

Heeseung’s heart skipped a beat. A curse escaped his lip as he looked at his younger relatives before giving back his cousin’s phone.

“Excuse me,” it was the only thing he said before he exited the kitchen.

Heeseung found himself by the seaside. The soft crash of waves hummed in the dead of the night. He looked into his social media and all he could see was you and Jay. The two of you are currently trending right now. He skimmed through all the comments, mixtures of bad and positive comments filled the forum and comment sections.

Some are mad, some are confused, while others are supportive. Heeseung doesn’t know what to feel. All he could feel was how his stomach was churning. All the food he had eaten today was rising up to his chest, and he’s fighting the urge to vomit it all out as he pressed your caller id and placed it on his ears.

Heeseung was praying internally. Hoping you’d pick up the phone. He wished you would pick up the phone, explain to you your side because for the duration of the whole day, you’ve been in radio silence. 

All his messages were left unread. No updates from you. Not a single message from you and that bothered him the whole day. Whenever the two of you are far away, you two always opted to communicate and update each other as much as you two could. It could be the small things like you just arrived at the restaurant or maybe Jungwon had picked you up and the two of you drove towards the meeting place together.

But he didn’t receive any of it. Not a single message. Heeseung has never felt scared for your relationship up until now. 

“Please love, just pick up the call, please,” he whispered to himself as your caller id continued to ring.

“Hello?” Heeseung sighed in relief. Eyes shut as he was about to speak, you immediately cut him off.

“This is Ms. l/n, if you’re hearing this voicemail, she’s busy at the moment, please leave a message and I’d get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you!”

Then came the three seconds of silence before the beep ringed on Heeseung’s ear.

You didn’t pick up the phone. Heeseung’s call went straight to your voicemail — that was when he knew. 

“Are you home my love?” he asked, words shaky and breathy as he concealed himself from crying. 

Heeseung faced the ocean. The waves crashed down in its tranquility as he engulfed himself with the silence, hoping he’d find strength in his own solace.

“The rumors, they aren’t true…right?” he asked foolishly. Smiling bitterly at how he stupid he sounds right now.

The call beeped once again. His voicemail was sent. Heeseung looked at his phone and his homescreen of you was all he could see — and instead of feeling assured, all he could feel right now was betrayal.

-

The whole building was in a buzz.

Everything was full of chaos. Whispers and murmurs lingered around every cubicle, every desk, and hallway as your photos from last night spread across the country. 

Heeseung arrived alone. Clean and sharp just like his usual fit and yet, it completely surprised everyone that he arrived at the building alone.

“I wasn’t able to pick her up, I just came from my hometown and went straight here,” he explained, immediately brushing off the prying eyes and curious expressions from his colleague.

“Ms. l/n had arrived ten minutes earlier, she is a mess right now, would a cup of coffee ease her?” one employee suggested and Heeseung shook his head in response. 

“I’ll take care of it,” he said because of course, it’s him. He’s always there to take care of you, to clean every problem you encounter and yet, Heeseung couldn’t bear to enter your office as he arrived at the floor. The door was closed and Heeseung stood there in silence.

He doesn’t know what to do. Should he be professional and ask his boss what she needs, or should he act selfish this time and let you handle everything since he had warned you about Jongseong after all?

“Mr. Lee!” His thoughts trailed off when he saw Jungwon walking towards him. “There you are, the meeting has started, you should be there.”

“Meeting?” he asked and yet, he followed the younger male without hesitation.

“About the rumors of course, we all know that your advice could help us come up with the solution,” Jungwon casually replied. His feet became fast and hasty as they reached the elevator and closed it. 

“What even happened last night?” Heeseung asked. “It was a company dinner right?”

“Yes, but almost everyone had left, Jay and y/n stayed,” Jungwon explained. “I don’t know what happened, but Jay dropped her off in her apartment. She sent me an update when she got home, it was around past eleven too.” 

Heeseung nodded at the younger’s explanation and yet, it left nothing but a sour taste on lips. He wondered, why did you need to hide everything about that night from him? Shouldn’t relationships be about trusting each other? How could he even trust you when you couldn’t be true to him? 

Did you really need to hide the fact that you were with Jay the whole night? Was that really necessary?

The moment Heeseung entered the conference room. You were already there, on your usual middle chair. Hair tied in a low ponytail with lesser makeup. Cold, stressed, and most of all, guilty. Guilty that you’re involved in a dating scandal, with Park Jongseong out of all the people.

Jay was there, on the left side of the table. Casual and chill, like he wasn’t bothered that his fanbases are closing because he got caught in a dating rumor. Heeseung badly wanted to punch that smug grin out of his lips.

But of course he couldn’t. It’ll just surprise everyone in the room. So instead, he sat in an empty chair, three chairs away from you. An odd move that had his colleagues raising their eyebrows since they’re used to Mr. Lee sitting beside you.

“Well, this is a first for everyone, and currently, the public is divided,” Jungwon started, beside him was Choi Soobin, Stealer’s head manager.

“Some are convinced while others…let’s not dive into it because they’re kinda crazy about Jongseong.” Soobin explained before heaving out a sigh. “Jongseong had explained everything to me. It was a company dinner. Everyone had drinks and got pretty drunk at some point. Everyone was having fun like a typical company dinner and then one by one, everyone started to leave, until it was just the two of you. Care to explain further?”

“We just talked the whole night,” Jay explained. “We didn’t notice the time, not until you called and we called it a night. We left and I dropped her off at her place before going back to my apartment.”

“That’s all?” he asked once again and Jay looked at you apologetically. His smile looked sorry but Heeseung wasn’t convinced. 

“It’s my fault that we didn’t wear any cap or mask, I’m sorry y/n,” he said softly.

“It’s okay, we didn’t know that photographers were there,” you immediately replied, giving him an assuring smile as your shoulders slacked.

Heeseung scoffed under his breath and yet it was only you who noticed it. You watched how Heeseung’s glare at Jongseong darkened. The grip on his pen tightened and you knew that he was just holding himself back — and you have never felt more guilty than before. 

“Lame excuse Jay, you should’ve been more careful, and now, you have involved Miss l/n in this situation,”  Soobin waved as he looked at everyone inside the room.

“No, it’s not Jongseong’s fault, I should’ve been careful too,” you insisted. “I knew he was a famous idol, and yet, it didn’t sink into my mind that thought too. I should’ve been more careful too.” 

You admitted your fault. Heeseung nodded to your words, avoiding your pleading eyes as he shifted his attention on the empty table.

“Since it’s both of your fault, it is also your choice whether you want to face the consequences or not, this is a rare thing to happen but with Jay’s reputation on the line, we wanted to keep his image good and clean” Soobin stated.

“You could confirm the relationship with Jay but for PR purposes.” Jungwon proposed, staring at you. “There’s no need to be out of the public the whole time but the two of you will be linked no matter what. It is up to you if you wanted to act in public, but confirming the dating rumor would still benefit the two of you.”

“How? This is Stealer’s Jay we’re talking about. What about his crazy fans? Ms. l/n will be the target of harsh comments. This might also affect our sales big time?” one employee asked which the others agreed.

“Isn’t it bad for Ms. l/n image? She’s the CEO, he’s her brand’s ambassador, some may think that there’s a power imbalance between the two of them.” another one pointed out.

“I understand your sentiments, this is why we held this meeting, so that we’d be able to see the advantages and disadvantages of the PR relationship. Please remember that this is for two years, if you ever agree Ms. l/n.” Jungwon added.

“Isn’t two years too long?” you asked.

“Most celebrity couples nowadays wanted to convince the public that what they had was real, two years is believable,” Soobin explained.

“Jay’s fine with it, we just want to hear from you Ms. l/n, are you willing to be in a PR relationship with Jay?” Soobin added and your heartbeat stopped. 

“This may have pros and cons, think about it Ms. l/n, but you know, who wouldn’t dare to reject the nation’s gentleman, am I right?” Jungwon teased, and some agreed while others chuckled at Jungwon’s comment.

“Right, I mean, there’s nothing wrong right? Ms. l/n’s single and she seems comfortable around Jay, who knows, this PR relationship might become real.” another one added.

Heeseung watched as your smile became fake and small. He knows that you’re under pressure right now. Everyone was pitching in their opinions and it was obvious — they wanted you to accept the proposal. 

“I mean…is our sale doing fine right now? I am scared that they might boycott it due to the rumors,” you said softly.

“Good news is, our sales are stable at the moment,” Jungwon shared. “We still don’t know if it’ll drop the moment you two confirm the rumors, but publicity, whether good or bad, is still publicity right?”

You nodded, convinced as you only brushed your shoulders. “Right…if it’s helping our brand, I don’t see the problem with it.”

Heeseung could see how you seemed determined to agree with the proposal now that Jungwon had put your company on the line. He hated how you were only agreeing because the majority wanted you two. 

He trusted you. You were his smart girl after all. You know what you’re doing is right, and probably for the best — but at the same time. Was your company all you value at all?

“Mr. Lee,” Jungwon called out, making Heeseung glance at the former. “Is there anything you wanted to say? Everyone had chipped in their opinions about the solution.”

Heeseung became quiet for a minute. The whole room shifted into a tense atmosphere as everyone’s eyes were on Heeseung, who looked you coldly in the eye and you were surprised by his stare.

There’s a faint nervous beat in your heart as he looks at the other employees. A nod as he said his thoughts.

“I think we’re just wasting our time here,” he commented sternly. “It’s up to Ms. l/n if she wants to do the PR relationship. Whatever she and Mr. Park had, we shouldn’t interfere anymore since we’re just her employees and what happened last night was part of her private life. Our sales are doing good at the moment right? Then let's just leave Ms. l/n decide on this one.”

Some agreed immediately, while others were surprised by Heeseung’s answer. You were nailed at your place as Heeseung stared at you for a moment, and you could see it. He wasn’t just disappointed at you — he was deeply hurt by your actions.

The rest of the meeting continued. Opinions circulated further while you sat there and sinked into your chair. Not caring about what Jungwon and Soobin are talking about in front. You just wanted to go home and rest, and not just rest, but to rest in your lover’s arms.

In the end, there was no final conclusion to your rumor. You weren’t able to come up with the final decision, not when Heeseung’s words lingered in your mind.

They only released a statement wherein both companies are going to look into it. Hopefully, you’d be able to come up with a decision by tomorrow — everyone was hopeful you’d say yes, and yet, the thought of Heeseung walking out of the conference room immediately after the meeting was adjourned haunted you.

 You were completely quiet for the rest of the day, and so was Heeseung. It was a suffocating eeriness of silence, and you didn’t like it at all. You didn’t like how he acted like you were a ghost. He passed by you, completely ignoring you, and you knew that it was entirely your fault. Everything was your fault and yet, it still hurts that Heeseung treated you coldly.

“Hee, what was that?” you asked. 

It’s six in the evening. The building’s quiet, leaving you and Heeseung alone. You thought he’d go home sharp at five — thankfully he didn’t. That’s why you were able to corner him.

“What do you mean ‘what was that?’ ms. l/n, I am just giving my opinion regarding the suggestion,” he said with a serious tone that your forehead creased.

“It’s past five Hee, drop the act.” you ordered.

Heeseung raised an eyebrow, “suddenly you wanted your boyfriend right now?”

“I needed my boyfriend earlier — why? Why would you say that? Do you really want me to enter a PR relationship?”

“Well, do you?” he challenged. Tongue sharp as his eyes glared at you. “Because if you don’t want it, then what’s holding you back to reject the proposal? I assumed it wasn’t me given how cozy you and Jongseong were at that damn company dinner.”

“Love, it’s not what it looks like.” you convinced.

“Then explain to me, why were you with him the whole night? Knowing full-well that I am wary of him and there’s already a lot of inside rumors about the two of you. Let me guess, for the sales and boost of your brand then?”

“It was a company dinner Heeseung.” you repeated.

“Let’s add more to that. You were on radio silence the whole day, I kept you updated while I went straight to your voicemail, what happened to keeping each other updated over everything? Was that night so fun that you had forgotten that you had a boyfriend?” Heeseung pointed out.

You became quiet. Your stare lingered at your boyfriend who looked at you with disappointment — and it kills you that you couldn’t come up with an answer.

“Heeseung, it’s rude to be on my phone while having dinner with them.”

“Can’t even spare a minute for me? Was Jongseong so entertaining that you couldn’t even open your phone?” he mocked, and you could hear it. How his voice shook as he said his name. 

“Heeseung, he’s my brand ambassador, I just want to make sure that he feels supported and welcomed.” you insisted.

Heeseung chuckled in disbelief, “that’s your excuse? y/n you’re a smart girl, don’t you fucking see that he’s hitting up on you!? From the very start, he likes you and has been hitting on you, and you’re enjoying every fucking second of it that it makes me sick standing in the corner watching you two flirt with each other.”

“We were not flirting Heeseung, I was just being nice —”

“It’s different with Jongseong y/n, it’s different and I don’t know why you couldn’t see it.” he objected.

“This wouldn’t have happened if we just publicized our relationship, Heeseung.” you rebutted.

Heeseung stared at you for a good minute, before another chuckle in disbelief escaped his lips. You watched as he groaned as a complaint before shifting his stare at you.

“We were fine with our relationship being in private. We were always fine, but suddenly a guy our age came and I don’t know, he showered you with affection in public and maybe you loved the attention he was giving you in front of everyone.” he accused and every word he said stabbed daggers in your heart.

“You know that’s not true Heeseung, I am doing this for my company’s image.” you defended.

But Heeseung remained unfazed, he stared at you coldly, unconvinced by your reason. “This isn’t about your business anymore. It’s about your private life, which is irrelevant with your brand. Do you really want to be stuck in a PR relationship with him for two years? Two. Fucking. Years. Even if it’s for the best of your brand?”

“If it means saving my image and company, I’d do it.” you said without any hesitation. “I built this company from scratch, Heeseung, and I am going to do everything for it. Everything.”

“Even if it means agreeing to the PR stunt?” he challenged.

“If I had to, I have to,” you said sharply. 

“But can you?” he asked and you stopped. “Can you really throw out our relationship for your company? Love Jongseong more than you love me?”

“That’s your issue?” you asked in disbelief. “If you’re man enough, you’d understand that I have to do this.” 

“If you value our relationship, you’d understand why I am acting like this,” he rebutted.

“I value our relationship, Heeseung, but I value my company too. You were there from the very start. You knew what I went through just to be here —”

“And your success right now is not enough for you because you’re hungry for more, you want more and maybe that PR stunt could give it to you.” he cuts off. Bitter words throwing daggers at you.

“Maybe it could, because it’s something you couldn’t give me.” you coldly replied and he merely chuckled.

“So I guess I am right. This is about me now. About me asking you one thing. One damn thing and that’s to keep our relationship a secret.” he concluded.

“Yes! Because why? Why should our love be a secret!?” you shouted, all your frustrations about your private relationship finally bursted out.

“I just want my life to be normal! I’m not like you who wanted fame and fortune. I just want you and nothing more, is it selfish that that’s the only thing that I wanted!?” he shouted back, causing you to flinch. Eyes wide at the sight of an angry Heeseung who has always been calm and soft-spoken. 

You’d never thought that you’d push his buttons — to break him out of his gentle demeanor. He must’ve been so angry about everything that he had to raise his voice just to prove his point.

“I am yours Heeseung, I will always be,” you assured. “But you have to accept that you’re not dating the same girl from high school. I am a CEO now, I own a company and I have a reputation to hold and protect. If you couldn’t accept that, maybe —”

“Maybe what?” he taunted. “You think I am insecure that you’re successful while I am nothing but just a mere assistant of yours? You think so low of me.”

“No, you just have to accept that I am not yours completely, that I have other priorities other than you.” you stated.

Heeseung’s eyes never faltered. He looks at you for a good minute, calculating, observing as your words cut deep into his mind.

“Fine,” he accepted and you became confused.

“What do you mean —”

“I forgot, you’re the boss here. Oh well, you’re a smart girl y/n. Whatever your decision will be, it’s for the best, right?” Heeseung stated mockingly.

“Heeseung —”

“Go, accept the PR stunt. Date Jongseong or whatever, I am not going to hold you back anymore if it means reaching your dreams and goals for this company,” he said so softly yet his eyes were angry at you. 

That’s when your forehead creased further. “What the fuck are you talking about Heeseung?”

“This is the last time I’m going to repeat myself to you” he spoke before heaving a sigh. Tired and weary from the argument you two had. “I am not going to dictate everything to you anymore because clearly, you don’t need me anymore.”

Your eyes widened at his words. Your heart started to pound harder than before, tightening against your chest as your eyes never left Heeseung.

“Are you…breaking up with me?” you carefully asked.

“Maybe I am or maybe I am not, I don’t know y/n, I don’t know,” he answered, eyes landing somewhere else. He’s just as confused as you are. Heeseung doesn’t lie at all. The two of you are in the heat of the argument, everything’s confusing and for the first time — no one wanted to lower their pride.

“But one thing for sure, I am not going to hold your hand in this PR stunt of yours. You think I’d let myself watch you be with another man for the next two years? And do I mention that guy fucking likes you? Might as well call it off.” Heeseung declared and that’s when you felt your world stopped.

“Heeseung, no, please —”

“Do what you want, I am not going to dictate everything to you,” he repeated. “Think about your image, your company and your reputation — don’t ever think about me because clearly, I am just a small part of your life.”

“Small?” you breathed. “I have loved you for more than fifteen years Heeseung, you think you’re just a small part of my life?” 

“If that was the case, then why was it hard for you to reject that simple request?” he questioned and you became quiet. 

He smiled at you, bitter yet strong. His hands pats your head, for comfort, you assumed and yet it only made you shudder, concealing the tears as his hands brushed your hair before letting go. “Do what’s for the best of your company. I am not going to let everything you built go down to waste.”

“You’re so unfair,” you spoke to him, voice dripping with frustration. “How is it that it’s easy for you to walk away from everything we had?”

“Oh, you think this is easy for me?” he asked in disbelief. “You think it was easy for me? Everyday, you slowly become out of my reach y/n. Even though we go home together, make love, and all the corny shit we always do, your mind is always in other places. Always on your phone, worrying about your company and letting your employees annoy you at ungodly hours — when was the last time have you ever truly decided for yourself?”

“That’s not true,” you disagreed. “I love you Heeseung, I always do. It’s just that —”

“I am not your priority anymore, I know that and we’ll just keep going around in circles here y/n. Let’s just end this conversation.”

“Do you really want this? Do you really want me to go on a public relationship with Jay?” you taunted. 

“No, I just want you to become successful in your life,” he said sincerely. “And if this PR stunt would give you that, who am I to hold you back?”

You didn’t say a word. You stood there as Heeseung’s gaze at you was soft. His bambi-like eyes that had you melting in every possible way gaze at you with much love and yet, it only gave you nothing but guilt.

“Don’t forget to turn off the lights before going home okay?” he reminded. “Goodbye Miss l/n.”

His words struck you like lightning. You were frozen in your place as you watched Heeseung turn around from you. Grabbing his bag from his desk chair and before he could reach the elevator, you called out his name, making him stop midway.

“We’ll be okay, right?” you asked, voice shaking as your heart started to race in an uneven manner. 

Heeseung looked at you one last time. His lips turned into a thin line as he nodded. “I love you okay? I’m doing this because it’s for the best.”

Those were his last words. Heeseung went towards the elevator and left. Your heart shattered into a thousand pieces as you tried to process the conversation you and Heeseung had. Confusion gets into you as you try to comfort yourself, concealing yourself from crying because you don’t want to cry — you hated crying after all.

This is for the best. You convinced.

This isn’t the first time you and Heeseung called it off. You reminded yourself. 

You went home alone for the first time in years and your house has never been this quiet for so long. 

-

The truth is, you and Heeseung had broken up twice. 

A long-term relationship has never been a perfect relationship. There were ups and downs. You and Heeseung started young and immature, of course, there will be obstacles. But one thing for sure, your break-ups weren’t because the relationship felt suffocating that the two of you had become toxic for each other, most were just because of the outside factors.

The first time was during college, during your senior year. Your internship was too heavy, courses were becoming too demanding, and you were also working a part-time job because you didn’t want to burden your parents with your allowance and rent. 

In addition to that, you and Heeseung were in a long-distance relationship. He stayed in your town and studied at a community college because he had to take care of his bedridden father. Communication becomes less now that two are too busy with their own world — the relationship becomes the least priority.

You cried to him when you told him that you couldn’t continue your relationship anymore. You love Heeseung so much, he means the world to you but you don’t want to keep him around especially when you have a lot of burden at the moment.

The call made Heeseung pale cold and yet, he respected your decision even if it hurt him. He let you go, and promised you that he bore no hard feelings and understood why you needed to let go of your relationship. He wished you all the best in life and that only made you even more guilty of breaking up with him.

But the break-up only made you even worse. Your grades dropped, you’ve been sleeping less and eating one to none meal a day. You quit your part-time job because you were always in a daze during work and it didn’t help that you have shut yourself off from everyone — including your family, and that scared them, afraid of your silence. They asked Heeseung if he could check up on you.

Heeseung agreed in a heartbeat. Even though you and him had broken up, he took a train to Seoul just to check on you. Despite breaking up with him, Heeseung went there with a soft smile and gentle care, and that’s when you realized that you couldn’t live your life without him.

The two of you made up that night. With soft apologies and a warm bowl of instant ramen, the two of you decided to give your relationship a second chance. 

The second time was when you were just starting your business.

You didn’t know that starting your own business was this overwhelming. Your manpower’s small and you have to be on-hand with everything. Everything became too much to you that you had ghosted your boyfriend for almost a month.

You asked for a break again, just a simple cool-off to clear your head. Although Heeseung was left in the dark especially when you weren’t answering his calls and texts for almost a month, he had seen it coming.

But instead of letting you go, Heeseung took the earliest train the next day and showed up at the footsteps of your apartment early in the morning — completely shocking you. 

Heeseung decided to stay there for good. He helped you with your business, carrying your burdens and lifting all the worries off your shoulder with patience and love.

Now. This is the third time you two called it off and this time, it was Heeseung who asked for a break, and that scared you.

You knew you pushed too far. You knew that your reasons were illogical and you just don’t know why you were hesitant to reject the PR stunt. Heeseung’s words continued to haunt you. Were you really too focused with your business that you had slowly drifted apart from him? Perhaps, and you were a little too late to realize it.

Then enter Jongseong. But Jongseong’s probably just the tip of the iceberg. He might have triggered Heeseung’s insecurities too. A man who can love you in public. It was something Heeseung couldn’t do to you. He was content to love you from afar and in private, and you, you should’ve been content with it, because he’s the only one who could love you in your lowest, most raw moment. 

But maybe, in the deepest, most corner part of your heart, you yearn to tell the public that you’re happily in love with the guy who you had been loving since you were sixteen. If only your relationship’s known in public, this chaos would’ve been solved. Still, you remained quiet, respecting your lover’s only wish about your relationship.

If only you had paid attention to him too, then maybe, he would have been by your side by now. 

“Mr. Lee’s on leave?” you raised your head in a split second, glancing at Jungwon who’s holding Heeseung’s file of leave.

“Did he say how long?” you asked as your heart started to pound harder than before. The last time you saw Heeseung was Friday, three days after you two had that argument and ever since Saturday, he has been on radio silence.

“He didn’t but he has a lot of leave so he could actually leave for a whole year,” the younger male joked before he placed down the paper on your desk and you only stared at it. “This is the first time he filed a leave right? But are you going to be okay? You’re pretty dependent on him too, do you want me to find someone who’d be your assistant for the res—”

“It’s fine, I’ll be fine Jungwon, there’s no need,” you immediately replied. Smiling at Jungwon who only stared at you. 

“You seem stressed,” he observed.

“Well, with all that’s been happening, how could I not?” you laughed.

“Jongseong’s manager had called,” Jungwon shared. “They’re asking for an update. You know the rumors are kind of dissolving at the moment but most of his fans aren’t letting it go.”

“Our sales?” you asked instead.

“Still going strong though, the wishlist collection’s currently sold out and the stocks are still in demand. They wonder if you’re going to release another collection featuring Jongseong despite the rumors speculating, everyone thinks that it was just a mere coincidence given that it was a company dinner.” he explained.

“Good, that’s good,” you nodded yet you felt unsatisfied with his answer. “I still don’t have a concrete answer about the stunt Jungwon, don’t you think two years is too long?”

“It is, but it’s what they proposed to us,” he explained. “I tried asking for a year or months, but I don’t know why they’re demanding two.”

“That’s too long.” you commented.

“I know, and they’re eager to know your decision, I don’t want to pressure you but time’s ticking boss,” Jungwon said with a pitied tone.

You only gave him a nod, “I know, thank you Won, could you leave me for a moment?”

Jungwon complied with your request. You watched as he walked towards the door but panic arose and you called out his name so loudly that he glanced back at you with concern.

“Is there something wrong boss?” he asked, looking at you with a concerned gaze.

“I —” I am going to accept the proposal. Your mind was screaming that sentence. 

Heeseung said do what's best. He trusts that you’d decide what's best for you and your company. Heeseung — he loves you so much that he’d let go for your own happiness and success. He has always been selfless and you, selfishly took advantage of it. 

If the proposal was for the best, then you should go with it.

But you could feel your heart tightening as a shaky breath escaped your lips before clearing your throat. Acting like everything’s since you don’t want to appear weak in front of your employee. He doesn’t understand why you’re suddenly acting that way after all.

“I — I just want to ask,” you shared, trying your best to act like your voice isn’t raspy and shaky. “Should I accept the PR stunt?”

“Do you like Jay?” he asked you back and you were surprised by his question.

“Why does it matter? It’s a PR relationship, feelings shouldn’t be involved,” you stated.

“PR or not, you’re bound to a man for two years. Would you like that?” Jungwon shared. 

“Well, if it’s for the best and to save our company’s image, why not?”

Jungwon stared at you for a good minute. Observing your expression, he finds it odd how his confident and optimistic boss feels like a hurricane at the moment. 

“I thought about Mr. Lee’s words during the meeting,” he stated and your heart skipped a beat at the mention of your lover’s name. “He said it’s your private life and it didn’t affect our sales and stocks. We’re doing fine and come to think of it. You have always been private about your life and relationship. Whatever status you have, are you okay with dating Jay in front of the public’s eyes?”

You became quiet at his words. Jungwon had understood your silence, and carefully, he smiled.

“Take your time but not too much boss, your decision will come at the right time,” he advised. 

Jungwon left your office with the door shut. You stared at it for a good minute. You think of Heeseung, and how his office desk is just right beside that said doorstep. Then, you stared at his leave of absence. Personal reasons. It was what’s written in his excuse.

Then you wondered about his whereabouts. You were aching to ask his parents, relatives, or maybe close friends about his whereabouts but it would only make you a dumb fool. They probably knew those rumors with Jongseong and asking them about Heeseung would just give off the fact that you two called it off because of it. 

You stared at his paper once again. He’s gone. You don’t know if it's for good or whether he’d returned just for the sake of having a job — you don’t know, because all throughout your life you never ask Heeseung what he wants. 

He just wants one thing — you. You never thought about what his dream job would be or even his hobbies other than basketball and gaming. You never asked him about his goal in life. Heeseung wasn’t ambitious unlike you, and that left you dumbfounded. 

Heeseung’s right. You have become too focused on your career that you couldn’t even spare a glance at him. Even if he’s the person you’d go home to, and even if you two had a lot of tender moments behind closed doors — suddenly it felt performative and calculated. A routine you two had become used to throughout your relationship.

There’s no stepping stone. No future plans with him — all you could think of was your brand, your collections, and if your products could remain timeless despite the on-going fad in the industry.

Handling a business, a popular brand to be specific, wasn’t easy for you. You never expect that you’ll come this far, and you’re doing everything to make sure your efforts won’t crumble in just a blink.

If the PR relationship would do good for you and your company, then you’d do it. Even if it’s a risk — even if it means losing something important to you. That was your initial thought. Heeseung should’ve understood it. He was there from the very start after all.

But then again, this is Heeseung we’re talking about. The same guy who confessed to you at the school dance two months before your high school graduation. The same guy who was there for you when you called it off twice. He was ever patient, loving, and understanding.

The only thing he wished is to keep your love not in secret, but away from the prying, judgemental public. He wishes that your love would be only for the two of you, and for the people who had witnessed it young and immature — and you, you had understood it from the moment he opened it to you. 

And yet, you were so career-driven that it drove the only person who was there for you throughout your hardships. With Heeseung gone, you’re now a mess. You were confused, stressed, and angry at everything that just happened, that you couldn’t help but to laugh at your situation. 

It just sinked into you that you had always been dependent on your lover. This is just one of the simplest examples of your dependency on him. It feels so sickening how you can live without him while he’s probably out there, doing something just to clear his mind, trusting that you could decide everything on your own — you were smart after all.

Oh Heeseung. You heaved out a sigh as you looked at his paper, signed with your approval as your heart continued to ache. You trust me too much. 

-

It was nearing eight in the evening. You were alone in your office and for the first time in your career, the office never felt more eerie than ever. 

You were busy. Busy if it means pondering about your life and career decisions while stalking your boyfriend on the internet. You keep going through Heeseung’s social media but your boyfriend just happens to be the most chronically-offline man you have ever met that there’s not a single trace of his digital platform. All his social media accounts have no posts nor updates. It has just come into you that his offline personality could be so annoying sometimes.

You put down your phone. The object clanking against the wooden table as you leaned against your office chair. There’s nothing for you to work overtime. Your business is doing fine and thriving. You could’ve just gone home and rested, but going home means facing your empty apartment that had a lot of traces of your lover’s existence — it’ll just make you miss him even more.

As you slumped on your chair further, that’s when a knock on the door disturbed your peace, completely startling you. You shifted on your seat as you watched the door swing open.

“Hi,” he greeted with a smile and your heart throbbed with anxiousness.

“Jongseong, what brings you here?” you asked.

“Just making sure you’re doing okay,” he walked forward towards your desk. Placing down a cup of warm coffee, you only gave him a smile as you grabbed the cup. 

“I am doing okay Jongseong, I’m just…busy,” you reasoned out.

Jay leaned against the edge of your desk. His boyish smile was warm and should be comforting and yet, you didn’t feel a single beat in your heart. 

“Busy?” he asked with a chuckle.

“Yeah,” you quipped immediately. “With the summer approaching, we are aiming to release another collection and new shades. My mind has been afloat lately but this happens very often.”

“Is that the reason why you haven’t decided with your statement about us?” Jay asked and that made you lift your head towards him.

For a minute, you pondered, “perhaps yes.”

“Why? I thought we're doing okay.” he pointed.

You blinked for a moment. Pondering Jay’s words, and then it hit you. “You…like me?”

Jay chuckled at your question. “Am I not that obvious?”

“Maybe you were, it’s just that I was oblivious,” you admitted. “Or maybe I wasn’t oblivious, I just had my heart protected because it already belonged to someone else.”

The smile on Jay’s lips faded. You two stared at each other for a minute. No one dared to move nor spoke. Your revelation caught him off-guard, while you sat there and waited for his initial reaction.

“You have a partner?” he asked in disbelief.

You smiled bitterly at him. “Yes, I have. We’ve been together for more than fifteen years.”

“Woah,” it was the only thing he could say. You nod in agreement at his reaction.

“We kept it a secret, no one knows except our close friends and family — this is probably the first time I told someone about my relationship.” you added.

“Not even Jungwon?”

You shake your head as an answer.

“Is that the reason why you’re still hesitant to our proposal?” he asked.

“Yes, because he made me realise that even if it’s going to give me and my brand a good boost in popularity, it’s not going to be worth it especially when it means I am going to pretend that I’m in love with someone else.” you explained. “The proposal was too long too. Two years? That’s too much Jongseong, then I realized that I could never pretend to be in love with someone. Not even months or weeks, or even a day.”

“You really love him that much?” he asked, feigning a bitter tone in his lips.

“I do,” you spoke softly. “And I’m sorry if I led you into thinking that you had a chance with me.”

“It’s okay, it did hurt though.” he chuckled softly, making you smile.

“You’re the nation’s gentleman Jongseong, I’m sure you’d find someone who’d reciprocate your love.” you convinced, giving him a comforting smile. 

“I hope so,” he smiled, before stretching his hands to you. “Friends?”

You only looked at him, accepting it with a firm handshake. “Friends.”

It was that easy. You thought as you removed your hold from Jay. You felt the weight on your chest removed. It was so easy to reject Jay and the proposal that you should’ve done it days ago. It felt bittersweet to you and yet, there’s a sense of relief in you.

You’re not going to lose your company if you reject the proposal. Jay seemed to have accepted your rejection immediately too. It was that damn easy and you were just clouded with fear and anxiety of losing the only thing that you had built from scratch.

But that also meant losing the only person that you’re sure that you’re going to love for the rest of your life. It was a bittersweet decision. You hated that Heeseung had to let go for your sake — and you hated that you let him be. You didn’t even fight for it. Not even once.

“Can I ask?” Jongseong blurted out in the middle of the silence. After your conversation, he decided to keep you company over a cup of coffee he bought.

“What?”

“Is Mr. Lee, your boyfriend?” he asked and your heart skipped a beat. Eyes wide at him and he immediately got his answer.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell,” Jongseong assured.

“Yes, he’s actually my boyfriend,” you confessed. “He doesn’t want public attention and any unnecessary comments from the public about us, that’s why he wanted our relationship private.”

“I assumed he's a smart man,” Jay commented. “I’m pretty sure he was throwing daggers at me during the meeting, and you seem convinced to accept the proposal, but the moment he gave his opinion you suddenly became hesitant.”

“Are we obvious?” you asked.

“No, not really, my eyes were just on you the whole time, and I could count how many times you looked at him throughout the whole meeting.” he confessed and you only chuckled at his words.

“I made a huge mistake,” you told him. “He’s right, the fame got into my head that I wanted everything about me and my career to be perfect — and what’s a perfect careerwoman if she doesn’t have a perfect boyfriend?”

Jay only stared at you who bitterly smiled before taking a sip on her coffee. “Heeseung has always been perfect. He was everything I could ask for…and he was deeply, madly in love with me that it’s sickening sometimes. But you know what? We’re just meant for each other, because I am so dependent on him that I feel like my brain’s turned off because he’s not there to guide me.”

“Is it a bad thing?”

“Of course not, we just…love each other that we know that we’re just fated to be together,” you shared with a smile. A soft smile that Jay thinks was reserved only for Heeseung.

“Your boyfriend’s lucky to have you.” he commented, staring at you whose smile faded for a moment. 

It felt ironic. Heeseung was never the lucky one. How could he be lucky to love someone like you? You were lacking in terms of your relationship with Heeseung. Always putting him on the corner, always keeping him around but never on your side. He only wanted one thing and yet, you couldn’t even give it to him. 

How is he lucky? Oh, if only there were ways for you to show your love to him aside from sharing it to the whole world, you could’ve. 

“No, I’m luckier to have him as my lover.” you said in your most sincere tone. 

-

Send to: My love

I told Jungwon that we’d be rejecting the proposal and that Jongseong and I are only good friends.

Jay visited me last night at my office. I told him about you, and you were right. He likes me, but he understood immediately that I am in a happy relationship.

Everything’s done now Hee. Please go home, I miss you. 

Or if you still need space, it’s fine. But could you at least send me a message? I just want to know if you’re doing okay. I love you. We’re going to be okay, love.

10:30 PM

Both companies had denied the rumors. The public was pleased with the confirmation. Everything returned to the way it was. You kept in contact with Jongseong and remained friends with him. His ambassadorship with your brand continued and everything had moved on — everyone except you. 

Heeseung’s leave is still on-going and you couldn’t stomach the fact you don’t know how long you’ll have to endure his absence. You missed him like crazy. You wonder if he had read your message or saw the news. With the news out now, it should’ve been a sign for him to go home, right? Right? 

Another thing that’s clawing you with worry is whether the two of you could still fix your relationship. Is everything over now? What if Heeseung didn’t return anymore? What would happen to you? You couldn’t fathom the fact of living the rest of your life without him.

You didn’t even notice that time had passed in a glimpse. Your worries drifted from Heeseung to your company and then back to Heeseung again. You badly wanted to know if he’s doing okay after all but not a single trace of him could even be found.

You decided that the day was exhausting to you. Grabbing your bag and deciding to go home after the clock strikes seven. This has probably been the earliest time you have clocked out of work. 

The moment you arrived at the gates of your apartment, you stopped midway when you noticed who was standing in front of your house. Your heart started to beat fast as you stared at the figure.

“Auntie,” you called out as you approached her. Mrs. Lee turned to your direction, her smile old and wrinkly as she waited for you.

“Oh dear, look at you, you’re so thin now,” she spoke as she grabbed your arms. Her cold hands indicated that she had waited for too long outside your doorsteps. 

“Have you been waiting here for too long? I’m sorry — wait, let’s go inside first,” you insisted, guiding the old widow inside your house immediately.

Mrs. Lee knew your house in a heartbeat, having visited you many times. The moment she entered your house, she made her way towards the kitchen immediately and you knew what she’s here for — and somehow, your heart was filled with guilt and worry.

If she’s here, then it means that Heeseung didn’t go home. Does she even know that you and her son had broken up? That Heeseung’s somewhere in this world, doing god knows what as a breather, while you’re here heart filled with guilt because you let your relationship with Heeseung crumble in just a glimpse?

“I just made these yesterday, you could pair it with newly-cooked rice and you’re good to go,” Mrs. Lee chuckled, handing you the tupperware of marinated eggs which you loved the most.

“Oh, look at this, your fridge is empty, good thing, I went here,” she brightly told herself before she opened the huge bag she had brought. You watched as one by one, she filled your fridge with side dishes and prepared meals that’s good for almost a month.

“You didn’t tell me you’ll be visiting,” you blurted out, heart still pounding in a rapid manner.

“I want it to be a surprise,” Mrs. Lee jokingly said.

“You've been waiting outside in the cold for too long, I should’ve gone home early,” you added but the woman remained calm. Her expert hands stacked the tupperwares and jars inside your fridge without a hitch. 

“Make sure you eat well, okay? I'll return here next month and they should be empty and clean by that time.” she said the moment she closed the fridge’s door.

Mrs. Lee glanced at you and you nodded at her words. Your words got stuck on your throat as the elderly woman who you consider as your second mother looked at you with a soft smile.

“Seungie asked me to bring you food,” she shared, completely catching you off-guard. “He wanted to make sure you’re eating well without him.”

Her words broke you. A tear formed on your eyes as your lips trembled in front of her. You felt inaudibly terrible, knowing that she knows that you and Heeseung are on a break and yet here she is, with her motherly tone and bag filled with side dishes, comforting you. 

Despite that, you were in relief to hear her words. You were assured that Heeseung still cares for you despite his silence.

“I didn’t mean to hurt him,” you confessed to her and she nodded. Soft hands patting your back making you cry louder. 

“Relationships aren’t always going to be on the good side dear, there are challenges,” she shared. “It’ll only strengthen the bond you two had made.”

“I miss him, I miss him so much,” you sobbed. “Could you please tell him that?”

Mrs. Lee nodded, “I’m pretty sure he misses you too right now. Let’s just be patient okay?”

You nodded once again. Mrs. Lee softly brushed your hair before giving you a warm hug that made you sob harder in her motherly embrace.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything,” you apologized to her. “I didn’t want to hurt him — I never want to, I’m just —”

“There, there,” she hushed. “Be strong, okay? You’re a strong girl my dear, that’s what Seungie likes about you. Keep fighting, for you and him, alright?”

You nodded at her words. You couldn’t comprehend everything as she wipes off the tears from your face.

“He just needs time for himself,” Mrs. Lee added. “But he knows that you’re there waiting for him. Could you?”

“Of course,” your lips trembled. “Even if it drives me crazy that he’s not here with me, as long as he’d return. I’m going to wait.”

Mrs. Lee seems to be satisfied with your answer. She cupped your cheeks softly before giving you a hug once again, and that’s when you ever felt assured and comforted for the past weeks. 

-

You’re going insane.

It’s been exactly one month, two weeks, and four days without Heeseung. 

Everything has died down. The rumors were cleared. Your sales didn’t drop and Jongseong’s out of the country, going on a world tour with his bandmates.

Everything’s fine now and yet, Heeseung is still not here. Still not answering your calls nor reading your messages and you’re turning insane.

Mrs. Lee doesn’t know about his whereabouts. He didn’t go home to his hometown either, and it’s clear that he’s doing everything for himself. For once, you decided to let it go and just be patient. Wait for him and he’d return — that’s what Mrs. Lee told you and you convinced yourself that you’d be okay.

But you couldn’t hold it any longer. You find yourself spiraling. Heeseung’s absence is torturing you. 

You have never been this desperate. You wanted to find any clues about his whereabouts. You convinced yourself that he might’ve left a trace of something before he left. Right? 

That’s why you went straight to his office desk. That one place that you don’t usually snoop around. You’re not one to look into your lover’s things and privacy but you were desperate. You just need a single clue of his whereabouts — hopefully there is, and you’ll stop and just wait for him. 

As you pulled the drawer open, assorted organizers were shown to you. Papers and folders on the side. Some office materials like staplers, glue, and punchers were on the other side. His nintendo switch lay there idly which was funny considering that he barely used it.

Then you saw it. By the corner. Standing out from the rest in its velvet maroon color. Your eyes widened at the sight as the logo of a well-known jewelry brand was engraved on top.

You grabbed it with your hands shaking. Heart thumping out of nervousness as your breath holds on its own. This can’t be. You thought as it felt light on your hands. You wanted to ask your lover — how long has he been keeping this in his office desk?

You opened it, revealing to you one of the most gorgeous rings you have ever seen. Gold band with pink diamond on a marquise cut. You knew what it was. It was the engagement ring that you always wanted — and Heeseung got it for you. 

Heeseung was planning on proposing to you. You don’t know when or where or how — but all you knew was guilt wrung into you further. 

A tear shed from your eyes. You grabbed the ring and observed it. It was exactly what you wanted. Delicately, you placed it on your ring finger and it fit like a glove. You sighed in relief as tears continued to trail down from your eyes, thinking of your lover and the future that could’ve happened if it wasn’t for the mess you made.

In a heartbeat, you will always say yes. You always knew that Heeseung was the only person you wanted to marry. He’s the only person you have ever loved after all.

You just have to make things right. But you already had. Perhaps you should be more patient. You know Heeseung, he’s just probably cooling down his mind. You just have to be patient. Just like how he was, when he stood by your side for years. He has always been patient with you. 

He’ll come home. He’d come home because you were his home no matter what. You could only clutch onto the ring further. It felt absurd to wear it, knowing he hasn't asked you the question but everything just feels right with it around your fingers.

You went home after, and for the first time since his absence, you felt assured about Heeseung’s love for you. As you pressed the keypad, swung the door open and looked into the hallway, you freezed.

Shoes. A pair of huge shoes that you were all too familiar with because it was your gift for him. You stared at it for a good minute as your heart started to beat rapidly. 

Is he — he’s here right? Right? You kicked your heels too hastily before entering the living room quickly and there he was. 

Sitting by the couch. The luggage was on his side like he just arrived from his flight and went straight here. He looked tired yet calm, and your heart stopped when he stood up from his seat. 

“Hee —” your breath halted as you faced him, eyes began to water as he looked at you calmly — and that scared you. Why is he so calm in this manner?

But Heeseung gazed at you softly, shoulders relaxed as he gave you a smile, “I miss you my love.”

Tears ran down your eyes as you walked towards him for a hug. Heeseung caught you immediately, pulling you to a bone-crushing hug that left you breathless. His hold on you firm and strong, indicating that he never wanted to let you go while you let yourself be buried in his touch, smelling his strong perfume which made you sigh in relief.

He’s here. Your Heeseung’s here with you. Hugging you tight with the same longing as you had for him.

“I’m so sorry, love. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to undervalue our relationship. I didn’t mean to hurt you — I’m sorry, please don’t ever leave me again.” you said in between your sobs.

“Hey, deep breaths love,” Heeseung stated before he broke out of the hug. Heeseung cupped your cheeks and made you look up to him. His calm gesture deeply contrasted your mess but your lover was confident. He gave you a smile as he wiped away the tears with his thumb.

“You know that I couldn’t stay mad at you for too long. You’ve done what’s right and I’m sorry if I disappeared for too long. I just — I just need a breather, but not from you, but in this world. You understand, right?”

You nodded to his explanation, sobs leaving your lips as you cupped his face too. “Of course, of course Hee — I’m sorry, I’m really, really sorry for ruining your trust.”

But Heeseung hushed you softly, “It’s okay love, it’s okay, we’re going to be okay.”

“We are?” you asked once again, hopeful as it’s been a while since you heard those words.

“We are, always my love, always,” he assured before placing a deep kiss on your lips. You reciprocated it immediately, feeling his soft, luscious lips on yours, you couldn’t help but to whine as he captured you perfectly with his touch. You were melting under his arms and suddenly, you’re overwhelmed.

“Heeseung,” you called out once again. You feel like you’re dreaming and you don’t want to wake up. You couldn’t even bear to look at him right now. You still feel guilty for ruining your relationship.

But Heeseung, he has always been confident with you and your love for him. He hummed softly, as his eyes never left you. He smiled for a short moment, before patting your hair.

“I’m here, I’m not going to leave you anymore,” he promised. “Mama told you to wait for me right? And you’re here, you waited for me, my strong girl.”

He pulled you for another hug and you deeply sobbed in his touch. Your hands were clutching on his shirt hard, as you inhale the familiar scent of his, hoping it brings you comfort than you’ve yearned for so long.

“I don’t want to lose you again,” you told him. “I won’t — not anymore, I am so stupid for letting you walk away Hee. I hated myself for not fighting for you.”

“It’s okay my love, I am not going anywhere again. I’ll be here for you,” he assured as he cupped your cheeks, making you look at him. His stare was calm against your tear-stained ones. “Just promise me, we’ll be okay and will always be.”

“Of course love,” you whispered to him, smiling as you cupped his cheeks. Pulling him to another deep, loving kiss which he reciprocated before pulling away. “You’re everything to me. My constant, my always — my future is with you.” 

That’s when he felt it. The hard band against your fingers. Heeseung’s eyes turned wide as he grabbed your right hand to see the ring he had kept in his office drawer.

“How did you —”

“I know I shouldn’t snoop around but I was desperate to find any clues of your whereabouts,” you explained. “I saw it, and yes Heeseung, I will marry you in a heartbeat.” 

Heeseung stared at you for a good minute. His eyes wide and gleaming like a deer caught in the headlights. You only smiled at him whose hands tightened on yours.

“I was scared,” he said, voice shaking. “That you’d turn me down.”

“I have loved you since we were sixteen Heeseung. Ever since we dated, all I could think of was building a future with you — what our wedding would look like or how many kids we will have. Love, it’s always going to be you, despite all the challenges we had.” you swore and Heeseung’s grip on yours tightened. 

“I — I love you,” Heeseung confessed, pressing his forehead on yours. He leaned close and a sigh of relief escaped his lips. “I love you, thank you, thank you for making me the happiest man alive.”

“No, I should be thanking you,” you rebutted, glancing at him. “You have always been my heart’s keeper. Thank you Heeseung, without you, I wouldn’t be where I am right now.”

He kissed you once again. Deeper and intense. A kiss that you never felt before. A kiss that ties your promises — an oath for the future that waits for you. It felt like a new beginning. Like the aftermath of new year’s, wherein everything’s tranquil after a boisterous celebration and yet, everyone’s heart is filled with anticipation for the new start. 

Everything became too real for you. The next thing you knew, Heeseung was groaning against your lips, capturing it with hunger that you took a step back. Your lover caught you immediately, his arms wrapping around your waist as he tugged you closer to him. You placed your arms around him, responding to his kisses with much intensity.

“Bed?” he asked in the midst of your kisses.

“Please,” you sighed against his lips. “I need you so bad — you were gone for too long. You were killing me Hee.”

“Well, I was dying without you my love,” he rebutted before grabbing you by your thighs and lifting you. You instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist as you found yourself leaning downwards Heeseung for another kiss. 

Your back hit the mattress before you even knew. But you didn’t care, not when Heeseung’s lips began to get more hungry to get a taste of you. Licking and biting your lips, making you whimper at his actions. 

It didn’t help that his hands busied themselves on your blouse and one-by-one he started to unbutton your blouse without breaking the kiss. That’s when you insisted on removing his shirt, making him break the kiss as he hastily undressed himself — along with his pants and boxers while you were quick to remove your clothes too.

“I miss you — so fucking much,” he whispered as he nestled onto the bed once again before grabbing you and making you sit on his lap. Both skins were warm and intimate as Heeseung’s mouth trailed on your jaw, downwards your neck and collarbones. You threw your head back, giving him enough space to worship your body with his mouth. 

“I miss you too, love —” your words were cut off when Heeseung’s lips trailed on your breast. Sucking it harshly as his tongue flickered on your hardening bud. He groaned under his act, as he glanced at you who looked at him darkly. 

Heeseung removed himself from your breast and once again kissed you. His hunger for your lips was too much. More than a month without you, without your touch, or smile nor laughter had driven him mad. It assured him that you're here with him. Kissing him back, reciprocating his madness with the way your lips roughly battled his, tugging his hair harshly that it made him moan under you. 

“You missed me that much?” he taunted in between. 

“So much Hee, if you don’t fuck me dumb right now, I’m gonna go insane,” you answered and Heeseung only chuckled at your words before he pushed you to lay down on the mattress. He captured your lips once again, while his hands trailed on your skin until it reached your pussy which made you spread your legs wider for him.

His hands gather the slick before rubbing your clit in a feathered manner. Teasing you who instead of whining at his actions, grabbed his semi-hard cock and started stroking it harshly. Heeseung lets out a soft groan as your expert hands stroke it in a pace he has always liked, tight and fast while squeezing its tips every time you reach it.

“Heeseung — just put it in, please I need you right now,” you begged. His cock was already hard and you’re there, whimpering as your pussy was twitching, begging to be punctured by your lover’s dick.

“Fuck, alright, always so needy for me,” he responded before he grabbed your legs, pulling it close to him before he aligned himself inside you.

The sensation was intense. Your pussy welcomed him in a tight hug as his dick penetrated your tight warm walls. Both of you were holding back each other’s breath until Heeseung fully sheathed himself inside, groaning loudly as he felt your warmth around his cock.

“God — you feel so good,” he whispered to you before kissing you once again. “So fucking good to me, my girl, my love — my future wife. Fuck, that sounds so fucking good when I say it.”

Heeseung started to move. Light strokes to have you adjust to his size again while you could do nothing but whimper at how his cock slid on your pussy, stretching you in a good way that it had your toes curling. 

His thrust became more frantic, faster as the room became hotter. Sweat started to bead, mixing in each other’s warmth as you two held each other close. You pulled him close to you as lustful sounds were the only thing that left your mouth. Your hand brushed against his hair, tugging it tight while his face buried in the depth of your shoulders. Inhaling your scent as he scratched your skin using his teeth. 

Both of you were drunk at the ecstasy of the act. Your legs tightened around his waist, locking him inside you as he continued to pound on your pussy. Heeseung couldn’t help but to groan louder as his hips slapped against yours. He could feel how his cock slid inside your pulsing cunt, his tip stabbing your cervix at every sharp thrust that he made.

“Mine,” he claimed before slapping a hard thrust inside you, choking you underneath. He lifted his head to look at you, a mixture of desire and love was all you can see and that strung your heart with bliss.

“Yours,” you mumbled back before pulling him for a kiss which he reciprocated lovingly, you grabbed his right hand out of your waist, intertwining it with yours as you placed it on the side of your head. Heeseung could feel the curve of the engagement ring on your ring finger and that thought just drove him into insanity. 

His thrusts become hasty as he ruts inside you like an animal. Moans turned into cries of pleasure as you could feel the pooling tension inside your stomach. 

“Hee — ” you tried to put out words but the feeling has become too intense. Your fiance found the spot that had you arching your back as your pussy clamped tightly around his cock.

“It’s okay my love,” he gestured, wiping the sweat that trailed on your side. “Just let it go love, ‘m right here, don’t worry about anything.”

Your orgasm came in just a second. Strings of cry and moan escaped your lips, in which your lover hushed using his lips. Capturing yours in a sloppy manner as he continued abusing your sensitive cunt.

“T-too much,” you whispered to him but Heeseung cooed you softly, he rested his forehead on yours as his breath became unstable.

“Be patient, love, just let me,” he asked and you only whined as you felt nothing but becoming overwhelmed with everything. Your hands tightened on his hold, fingernails digging on his skin as your legs weakened around his waist, letting fall on the side shaking.

“You said you want kids right?” he asked you and your overstimulated brain was trying to formulate what he was trying to say.

“W-what?” you managed to ask.

“Going to give you that,” he claimed before thrusting sharply inside you. “Going to put a baby inside you. You want that? You want a family right? Let’s start right now, love.”

“Yes,” you sobbed. “Gods, Hee — oh my god, I want it, I want it with you.”

“Take it,” he ordered. “Fuck, you’re going to be my future wife — future mother of my kids, fuck, it’s all I ever wanted.”

Heeseung’s thrusts never stopped. Not when he’s driven to breed you, fill you with his cum enough that you’re full, warm, and filled with it. All he could think of was your future together. Your married life aside, your business and company, and what your kids would look like. It led him to fasten his pace, impatient for the future that waits for the two of you. 

Heeseung let out a feral groan as his orgasm came. Burying his cock deep inside you as his warm seeds filled your cunt, making you whine at the feeling. He was catching his breath as rest on you, head on the dip of your chest while his dick twitched at every short thrust he made. 

The room became silent in just a second. The two of you remained at your positions, catching each other’s breath as you found yourself brushing Heeseung’s hair before wrapping your arms around him.

“I love you Hee,” you whispered to him before kissing the top of his head. It was a rare moment, with him clinging for your warmth while you comfort him in the most intimate way.

But in a second, you felt him shaking, alarmed you grabbed him immediately, and to your surprise, you saw tears trailing down from his eyes.

“Heeseung, no, no, why? Why are you crying love?” you asked with a concerned tone, cupping his face as he sniffed his tears away.

“I’m just —” a relieved smile formed on his face as he stared at you. “I’m just happy that you’re here with me.”

“Love, I’m not going to leave you,” you told him immediately.

“I thought I was going to lose you that day. I just — I just couldn’t imagine seeing you with somebody else. Someone who’d love you in front of the world.” he confessed and you knew who he was referring to.

“I’m really sorry for that, I didn’t — I was just scared of losing my company. But after everything, I was more scared of losing you,” you explained to him. “And I am sorry, for only realizing that the moment you’re gone. I should’ve loved you more, I should’ve — seen you more than you have cared for me.”

Heeseung nodded to your words. The tears never stopped and you couldn’t help but to feel your heart shattering because you had hurt the man who had done nothing but to love you. You smiled bitterly as you made him look at you once again. 

“You don’t have to love me in front of the world just to prove your love to me,” you stated. “Not when you could love me like this in secrets, with just the two of us. This love is just for us Heeseung, only us — and I’ll make sure that it’ll be this way, forever.”

“Thank you,” he spoke with much gratitude. “Thank you my love, I’m sorry for making you worry.”

“You’re here now, and we’re okay, we’re going to be okay, alright?” you repeated before planting a kiss on his lips, and from there, he nodded.

“Always.”

Heeseung rested on the bed now that he had calmed down. You immediately wrapped your arms around his bare chest as you rested on his side. Snuggling on his warm as the night becomes calm and tranquil.

“Now, I’m curious,” you whispered to him against the silence. Glancing at him who shifted his position. “How were you planning to propose to me?”

“On our anniversary,” he confessed. “I was planning to take you to Paris because you know, it’s the city of love and you always dream of getting proposed there.”

“Love, I was seventeen back then!” you insisted, and yet Heeseung only chuckled.

“I have to take notes on that one, I have to make sure that I have earned enough money to take you to Paris — and to marry you and give you the bright future that you deserve.”

“Oh Hee,” you said, feeling your heart swelling with pride for loving the right person. “You did. I wouldn’t be where I am without you by my side. Even though we kept our relationship a secret, you never left my side — never, and thank you for loving me.”

“I am lucky to love you,” he reciprocated before pulling you closer to him. “And I can’t wait what the future awaits for us.”

“I feel the same way love,” you answered, smiling at him before the two of you fell under the peaceful silence again. 

“Love,” he called out out of the sudden, that it made you look at him. His eyes were looking for yours. Eyes round and filled with love as he smiled. “We’re okay, right?”

You smiled back at him. The gentle course of your expression slipped along with your touch. Cupping his cheeks as your stare lingered at him, loved and in love.